Living For You

This is my final introductory episode. I will talk about one of the biggest mistakes of my life, but at the time I had no idea that this would be the end result. The ability to pay attention and actually listen to significant signs is an ability I never had and still struggle with today. You need to be careful with what and how you trust individuals because quite often they will have their best interests in mind, with no concern with what it will do to others. I have at least learned how to recognize certain signs within me and provide the confidence I need to pursue certain things that I never would have normally done. The ability to have the confidence and jump right into what you feel you need to do usually alludes people for some long and eventually leads to regret and pain wishing that you went through with your gut instinct.

Getting towards the end of these beginning episodes and in this installment, I will be discussing the pitfalls of life after college and the feeling of just not being able to get anywhere in life no matter how hard I tried. I battled depression, addiction, and had my first experience of losing all my money. So many pitfalls can just weigh down on a person and when you feel like you're finally taking a step forward in life, one small blip (or one big blip) can be so draining on a person.I'm taking steps forward in trying to fulfill my dream of working for myself and currently my next goal is to make any kind of money in photography by the end of the year, but the ideas that I have created that stemmed just from a camera, to now drones, has me very excited and learning as much as I can. I spend as much of my free time as I can learning photo editing, better flying techniques for great pictures and future videos and even thinking about computer programming. Like I've said before, I'm not going to let anything stop me from getting to where I want to be!

High school! Most everybody’s dreaded life experience and it was no different for me. Kids in my class abused me in order to look better to the people that they looked up to, they ridiculed any sort of accomplishments that I may have had and whatever sort of confidence I had left in me was completely drained. It’s what led me to become what I have been for so long. I indulge too into a meeting I had with an old friend living out in Paris, France. The advice he gave me for starting my own business and the ideas to instill into myself in order to have a better chance at becoming successful and to become more happy with my decision.

In this episode I will talk about Middle School life for me. How I never really did well with girls, especially with my many insecurities and the shame and humiliation that I received from the lifetime nickname. At those ages, kids don’t worry about the things that are said or the actions that are performed and how they will affect others at that point in time. Many don’t realize that it will linger with those people for a long period of time and can affect them in many ways. In reality though, it’s up to that person who had the things said to them or actions performed to them, to make what they want out of the situation and ultimately how they will be affected. This relates to all points in life and not just at young ages. It’s how we react to certain situations that define us. So, I finally got out and did something that I said I was going to do! I said in episode 3 that I was going to go hiking and I pulled the trigger and went. I took a trip up to Franconia National park by myself with no planning and no clue as to what I was doing, but I went anyways. For me it was a trip that really changed my whole perspective on life and made me realize that I could really strive for more than what I have, just as long as I stay the path that I choose and keep pushing myself for better things.

In this episode I will talk about athletics and how the politics that governed them in my town led me to quit baseball, which was my best sport growing up. The feeling that no matter how good I was, that I would not be able to go anywhere because certain people wanted other kids to play on their teams and all because they knew them and their families. On top of this, how the game that I love the most showed me just how much of a shell I had built in order to keep myself away from the same people that grew up with me and put me down. I will discuss the idea that I am just not going to give a shit about what other people think or say anymore. That even if I’m ridiculed or insulted for my ideas or for what I want to do, then I’m still going to do them. It’s when you don’t care about other opinions and act upon what you believe, only then will you be able to get yourself going and move forward and find happiness. I’m excited to say that at the end of this episode I decided to just go out and do something that I’ve never done before, that led me to look deep inside and really want to push myself to what I’m preaching. I’m really looking forward to sharing it with everyone!

We're going to keep the stories flowing from the previous episode and move onto adult interactions that I had as a child that left me with little trust and fearful of the people that a child or anyone for that matter, is supposed to be able to go to when they need someone to talk to. It's tough to talk about some of these kind of issues because you don't want certain people to think that you don't care or love them but from my experience, some children growing up will go with what they hear or see and react based on those verbal or physical interactions. This will be followed up with ways that I look to improve myself in order to feel better and to feel I'm moving forward towards goals that I want to accomplish. I've been able to accomplish several goals throughout my life that I never expected I'd be able to do, but the big difference in these was myself, my own thought process and my determination. Even today, I experience plenty of downturns where I feel that I'm not good enough to get to certain places, but I realize that I can't think this way and need to just keep working on myself to get to where I want to be. On a side note, be ready soon for episodes where I'm finally able to get out and start putting my ideas into actions!

This first episode is going to come at you fast, with stories about the verbal, physical and sexual abuse I experienced as I went through childhood. You'll hear about what a confusing time it was for me and the loneliness I went through, but in the end even all of this can be overcome with the proper mindset and the right attitude. If you or someone you know has experienced this kind of stuff then feel free to reach out to me and we can al share our experiences.This is the first of seven episodes to start this podcast, that will be filled with half context explaining how I became who I am and the ideas and mindset that I am in now where I want to change everything completely around.