Try, Try Again with Katherine Velez

Why is it so hard to say goodbye and what do we miss when we don't? In this episode, we will examine the benefits of healthy detachment and the elements of how to have a meaningful goodbye.  Also, we will practice a healthy goodbye in that this, episode 50, will be the final episode of Try, Try Again with Katherine Velez. It is a goodbye so please don't avoid it. Episodes will continue to be available.  As always, you can continue to reach me at katherinekempvelez.com or I will see you in session.   

This episode looks at questions that sometimes arise around therapy such as how is your relationship with your therapist different from any other relationship you will have? What is psychotherapy and what is the ultimate goal? Is talking to yourself just as effective as talking to a therapist? The answers might surprise you.   

How we attach in our most intimate interpersonal relationships can drive addiction and misuse of substances and behaviors. This episode looks at one compilation couple and how the addiction is a symptom, a consequence and a maladaptive solution, to one's learned inability to sustain healthy and satisfying relationships, often with self and others. A learned inability is hopeful because that means it can also be unlearned.  

This is the first of several episodes addressing addiction in relationship to self and others. In order to understand addiction, we must first define it and that is today's episode. It is important to have an agreed upon definition and I encourage you to bring this to our time together. If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction, please reach out to a therapist and perhaps share this episode and/or the resources it contains.

Getting older is often a source of fear and worry. Much of that is related to how we have seen others age and our fear of the unknown. In this episode we look at the benefits of aging, and there are many, as well as what we can do now to help improve ourselves as we continue this earthly journey. As always you can reach me at katherinekempvelez.com.

Relational betrayal is heartbreaking, violating, traumatic, and not uncommon. It can be devastating, but it can also be transformative. In this episode we look at the most important factors in deciding whether to stay in the relationship and the two most important questions that need to be answered. As always, you can reach me at katherinekempvelez.com. Please bring any feedback or questions into our sessions together.      

Today's episode continues to look at relationship and marriage, offering perspectives to help find the will to do the work, embrace the growth, go back to the beginning, and truly explore the meaning of giving yourselves to one another. As always, you can reach me at katherinekempvelez.com with any questions or insights.  

Do you find yourself arguing in your relationship, usually about small things? Does it feel like you are not connecting, not being heard, and moving farther apart? Today's episode features a communication technique to help you and your partner become more emotionally connected and, when practiced, reduce or even eliminate much arguing or bickering. Additionally, this episode might introduce you to a different way of thinking about how to make progress in your life and your relationships based on an Eastern philosophy.    

If you are married, considering marriage or are divorced, today’s episode might be of interest to you.  You have the ability to improve your relationship and, perhaps, even avoid divorce now or in the future.  Why do people marry and what is the single biggest risk factor to a healthy relationship?  As always, you can reach me at katherinekempvelez.com with any questions or if you need referrals.   

Seeing our way through the darkness and pain can feel overwhelming and impossible at times. Our mind often goes to questions like, "Why does it hurt so much?" and "Why do I have to be in such pain?" If you are suffering right now, today's episode is meant to hopefully shed a little light on the path of enduring and using the pain you might be feeling, finding comfort and release along the way. As always, if you need to reach me, you can at katherinekempvelez.com.     

Have you been feeling restless, guilty you haven't been more productive this last year,  unmotivated, uncertain? Perhaps this last year was not a time to get more done, but maybe it is what our ancestors knew was often necessary for the earth and for ourselves- a fallow season. In today's episode we talk about ancient wisdom and the healing property of spending time with our ancestors...right now. 

Are you feeling stuck lately?  It is a common feeling, especially this last year. If you think you've tried everything and you're still feeling there is no forward momentum in your life or relationships, consider these eleven behaviors and beliefs that may be causing or contributing to that feeling of stuckness. This examination is not necessarily easy, but some of these may resonate with you and help you regain your footing on a new path. 

Do you feel helpless when you hear of prejudice and violence and tell yourself there is nothing you can do? Do you believe you have no biases and so you are not part of the problem? Today's episode is challenging. It challenges us to look at our biases, conscious and unconscious, and how that exploration could improve your understanding and empowerment of yourself and your relationship with others.     

What is unconditional love, why is it important, and why do some people seem to achieve more easily than others? This episode answers questions around unconditional love as well as the one that many of us ask ourselves, "What's wrong with me?" Listen and find out!

If you or someone you love is feeling stuck or feeling that something is holding you back, this episode may help pinpoint and explore why. And it's probably not only Covid! We look at exercises to explore the feelings behind and beneath feeling stuck as well as how our loved ones can help us unearth some of our fears and practice vulnerability with more self-awareness and a growth mindset improving our relationship with ourselves and our loved ones.

This episodes is for individuals and couples alike. Does your partner think working overtime to get a bonus is the priority and you think family dinner is more important? Do you think of yourself as quite honest and then find yourself rationalizing white lies? Do you dream of adventures, but never get to the planning stage? These are often matters of core values; what is most meaningful and important in life to you and your partner. In this episode we look at why core values matter so much and I give you a few exercises to help explore these in yourself and, if needed, with your partner.

When couples enter a therapist's office, one of the top reasons for being there is communication. In this episode we explore what that means and when a couple might need to find a couples therapist. Also, I provide you with a communication exercise that, while talked about in terms of a couple, translates as a template to use in any relationship. As always, you can reach me at katherinekempvelez.com with questions or concerns.

Valentine's Day can be a celebration and recognition of love, not just romantic love. In fact, viewing that day as simply a day for lovers leaves a large number of us out and fails in acknowledging the many variations and shades and struggles that love itself often highlights. In todays episode I wax on, just a little, about the exclusionary nature of this romantic holiday and how we might celebrate all kinds of love instead.

In today's episode I introduce you to a woman who was one of my teachers in this life. She taught me something about grief and loss and how emotions like joy, grief, fear, and longing coexist. She taught me about the importance of putting those emotions in perspective, with gratitude for all of them.

Do you ever find yourself making unhealthy choices over and over only to sink into guilt or self-criticism? Do you wonder why you overeat or drink too much or use porn or gambling to soothe yourself? Would you like to make changes? This episode helps explain what is happening in your physiology that may be contributing to your struggles with alcohol, food or other unhealthy habits. I also provide several exercises you can use immediately to start making healthier choices and changes in your life without judgment or recrimination. As always you can reach me at katherinekempvelez.com.

Are the opinions of others more important to you than your own? Do you struggle when others are uncomfortable? Do things need to be, or seem, perfect? This episode addresses some of the core steps to knowing and loving yourself, which, in turn, has a powerful impact of being able to set healthy boundaries and let go of needing others to approve.

How often during an average week do you experience anger? Are you struggling in relationship because of anger and your difficulty in expressing your feelings? If you would like to examine why you're angry and how to control this important and sometimes dangerous and destructive emotion, this podcast might help. As always let me know how you're feeling at katherinekempvelez.com.

Let's start this year with more learning and better sleep. In this episode we look at some of the bad habits we might have picked up in 2020 and how to improve our sleep and our brain with science and an old-school, stress-reduction sleep remedy. This might surprise you.

The holidays are not always a time of merriment and pleasure. For some it is a time of mourning and pain. At the very least, for many, it is stressful and filled with pressure. Do you sometimes feel empty after the busyness of the holiday season and why is that? Are you seeking and searching for something that seems elusive? I hope today's message speaks to you and, if it does, please reach out.

The expectations and need to accomplish things can overwhelm us, particularly this time of year and this particular year. It sometimes robs us of the joy and contentedness in our lives and our parenting. In this week's episode I have no answers, but I have questions for you. As you listen consider if any of these questions resonate with you and, if they do, perhaps it is an opportunity to look at changes that might ensure a greater quality of your life and your relationships.

How are you really feeling these days? Are you feeling stuck, frustrated, maybe annoyed with yourself that you aren't handling things the way you think (or that voice in your head tells you) you SHOULD be handling them? Did you think you had things somewhat together and now, with another stay-at-home mandate, does it feel like everything is falling apart again? Today's episode acknowledges this communal feeling we are experiencing and how we can help ourselves and one another. If you haven't already, please refer to my earlier podcasts on managing during Covid and Self Care.

Do you tell yourself that asking for what you need is selfish and that the needs of others are more important than yours? If so, where did you learn this? Asking for what you need and want is not only okay, it is healthy and necessary. In this week's episode we talk about four steps to identifying and asking for what you need using self-exploration, strong boundaries, and good communication.

Are you struggling to get a full night's sleep? Do you toss and turn at night or have trouble falling or staying asleep? Are you feeling fatigued during the day? In this episode we explore the importance of sleep and things you can do to enhance your ability to fall and stay asleep as well as ways to shift your thinking and allow your unconscious brain to work during sleep. Try these techniques for two weeks and let me know your results at Katherinekempvelez.com. Sleep well.

Do you sometimes feel you’re having the same arguments with your partner or loved ones over and over? Do you often feel your words didn’t land as intended and resulted in miscommunication that dissolved into an argument or disagreement? In today’s episode I’ll share with you two little words with the power to change your communications and your relationships.

Do you find yourself struggling with communication in your most important relationships? Were you doing just fine until Covid, politics, and then, at least in California, months of smoke seemed to stress your relationship and challenge your ability to listen with empathy and validation? You are not alone and maybe it's time to get back to communication basics. This episode features an amazing woman and skilled couples therapist, Yasmine Binghalib, discussing some of the communication skills needed to increase our relationship satisfaction and emotional connection.

Do you feel like you are having the same arguments with your partner or loved one over and over without resolution? Is our country experiencing something similar? In today's episode I hope you will find some encouragement to explore your beliefs and truths as well as diving deeper into your relationships with some assistance from a man who lived about 2500 years ago on the other side of the world.

In this episode we briefly explore how trauma and fear effect our nervous systems. Knowing what is happening in our bodies and brains, not just our thoughts, is one of the keys to beginning to understand how we interpret and react to the outside world, including things that frighten or threaten us. This knowledge can help dispel common misconceptions and help those with trauma, and, let's face it, almost everyone has some kind of trauma, begin to understand their reaction and how to heal.

As you sit talking to your therapist, do you sometimes wonder what is going on in their heads? What are they really thinking about? Their grocery list? Their upcoming vacation? In this episode, I address several of your questions over the last few weeks. What are therapist's really thinking? Do therapists know when you're lying? And how can a therapist work with someone they don't like?

Are you struggling in releasing resentment, pain or anger connected with someone, maybe yourself? Do you feel you want or need to let go and just aren't sure how? Today's podcast is meant to help you explore forgiveness, why you might consider it, and the benefits it can bring.

If you feel your self-esteem could use a boost and you want to learn ways to love yourself better, then please listen to today's podcast. So much of what we believe about ourselves comes from our attachments, our abilities, our achievements, and our relationship histories, but also, sometimes, much of what we believe is based on lies we were told or told ourselves as well as outdated information and distortions in thinking. Listen today to learn some ways to improve how you feel about you and your relationships and how to change not only your thinking, but your physical brain. As always you can reach me at katherinekempvelez.com.

Do you think your attachment style, first learned as an infant, is negatively impacting your relationships? If so, is there any hope of changing our attachment style or is it so ingrained and wired that we are stuck with it? In this episode we will look at ways to shift your thinking around how you attach and six steps toward beginning to move toward self examination and more loving relationships.

How did you learn what love is and how to love? If your relationships are not fulfilling, if you feel relationship is something you've never been "good at", please listen. This podcast is devoted to attachment styles and childhood wounding, which are often at the heart of why we struggle in relationship. Why you react as you do or feel (or not feel) in relationship, is often directly connected to your past. As Carl Jung said, "Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." This episode is meant to help you explore how you learned about love and how to have more meaningful relationships.

As we look at our individual and collective obstacles and challenges, read the news or even in looking outside these days, it is easy to sometimes feel trapped, stuck, and uncertain. In today's brief episode, we examine the lives of several people we might think of as having been trapped and explore how they and we can shift our thinking to truly be free, leading us to more fulfilling and satisfying relationships with ourselves and others.

If you want to change your life or your relationships, shifting your thinking can make all the difference. Now more than ever we need the ability to look at different perspectives, which can lead us to empathy and a more fulfilling life. If you are depressed or anxious, learning the habit of shifting your thoughts and actually effecting changes in your brain, can improve your mood and your life. In this episode of Try, Try Again with Katherine Velez we start in looking at the basics of how to shift your thoughts. Let me know how you do at katherinekempvelez.com.

Malala Yousafzai said, “Let us remember: one book, one pen, one child, and one teacher can change the world.” And while one computer might need to be included, distance learning has not changed this profound truth. If you have felt more overwhelmed the last few weeks with the start of school and distance-learning, you might find some strategies and reassurance in this latest episode of Try, Try Again with Katherine Velez. I provide five strategies to try and help with the anxiety many parents, students, and teachers are feeling as well as interviewing two teachers, Wendy Haagenson and Suzanne Verner, who provide humor and insight in this new phase of collective distance-learning that I hope you will find authentic, helpful, and reassuring. Please subscribe to Wendy’s resource for little ones at http://handsonprek.substack.com/

Are you feeling hopeless and having difficulty connecting to or finding faith in the midst of all our individual and collective trauma and loss? Where do we find hope and faith when it is in short supply, typically when it is needed most, like today? In this episode we explore how to reconnect to ourselves and one another and how to create and witness not only hope, but faith as well. We have the power and ability right now and I encourage you to listen to the entire episode. It is simple, not easy, but simple, as are so many things in this life. As always, you can reach me at katherienkempvelez.com.

Do you ever feel someone is taking advantage of you and, worse, you are letting them? Do you say yes, but then feel resentment followed by guilt? Would you like to feel more comfortable in saying no and speaking your feelings? In this episode, we start by looking at what I have always thought is one of the best books about boundaries; The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein and outline six necessary steps in learning how to set healthy boundaries in your relationships.

If you are feeling you could use more energy or are struggling with chronic illness or addiction to sugar or even considering some kind of dietary change, this episode is worth a listen. This week in Try, Try Again with Katherine Velez I talk with Carissa Vukovich, a Registered Nurse and Community Ambassador for UC Davis Integrative Health about the benefits of a plant-based lifestyle as well as her own battle with chronic illness and relationship with food.

Trust is a cornerstone of relationship so how do we rebuild trust after someone has hurt us deeply or betrayed us? Can we let go of the pain or should we let go of the person? In this episode of Try, Try Again with Katherine Velez we talk about honesty, forgiveness, and developing new ways of communicating leading to restored trust and perhaps an improved relationship.

Join me in listening to yoga teacher and consultant Sydney Strohn as she honestly and lovingly discusses regulating ourselves and recovery. Many of us are in recovery from addiction, but also we may be recovering from losses so great we feel we cannot bear them or feeling we are not good enough. Maybe we are recovering from pain someone else has caused us or perhaps we have never been loved well and never learned to love ourselves. We all, at some point, are in recovery of a kind and Sydney shares her roadmap to lead us to tolerating the pain of life and turning toward loving ourselves and others.

In this interview, Yogi Cheryl Nielsen shares her expertise and passion for yoga. She is a private consultant and has practiced and taught yoga for more than 30 years here in the states and worldwide. Learn one simple technique for helping you regulate and calm and find out why yoga is so effective for increasing focus, decreasing anxiety, and many other physical, emotional, and spiritual benefits.

There continues to be much stress and uncertainty even after six months of Covid entering our lives and our lexicon. We are still in collective trauma and, for many, individual pain, depression, and or anxiety. In this episode I offer steps that have worked for me and others to find empowerment where we can and "letting go and letting God" where we can't.

Yes, we all get angry or scared or upset and we've probably all experienced someone saying to us, "Just calm down." Has that ever worked? This episode we'll review why it's difficult to calm down and why it's important to know how to calm yourself as well as eight steps to a calmer, more collected you.

Wherever we find ourselves right now, physically, emotionally and spiritually, is due to decisions we’ve made as well as potentially years of programed belief systems, maybe trauma, decisions others made that effected us or brain health issues, but also a lifetime’s worth of habits. Good habits that were not kept up or bad habits that were adopted. Self care and habits are closely connected. In the first part of several to follow addressing self care, we'll talk about six basic self care necessities.

How do you know when it might be time to seek out a therapist? This episode is an introduction to Katherine and a chance to examine possible obstacles keeping you from getting the help you might need. Explore the seven suggestions you might want to consider before seeing a therapist. Direct any questions, comments or suggested future topics to my website, katherinekempvelez.com.