Choose Your News

Mules, clowns, and elder copulation (the most gentile way I could think to write it.) Geezers bonin'. There you go.

A high clown detonates a poop bomb in his neighbor's car, a stupid clown tries to stuff his drawers with steak, and a stuffed clown scares the stuffing out of someone.

This episode is so hot you'll have a neverending boner, your toilet will explode, and then we'll send you an exorbitant fine.

E.T. insurance phones home, one man's severed penis is now a bone alone, and delivery person behavior you won't condone and disown.

Alligators get past their would-be captors, a Georgia family passes on a marijuana cake, and passed gas leads to jailtime.

A crappy way to clog a toilet, a crappy way to treat your bridesmaids, and a crappy pool leads to a lot of crap.

It's the episode 25 LIVE spectacular starring Star Wars: Galaxy's Edge!

Celebrity marriages never last, Mississippi abductions do, and milk-thief revenge is a dish best served ice cold.

A boat ride gone bad, a different kind of spotty clouds, and a bridge too far.

Don't Google today's topics unless you want to be on an FBI watch list. We've got elderly sex parties, hot bovine makeout sessions and a huge snake in bathroom.

Bezos stretches for the moon, rich people stretch their dollar, and Britain's Got Talent stretches the limit of your gag reflex.

A man takes a dip in a strange place, television finally embraces Floridaman, and bridezillas attack!

You eat WHAT?! You don't wash WHAT?! You're related to WHO?!

A game of cups, The Britney Spears Toxic Water Center, and stupid things lawyers say.

I'm Batman, drivers' ed goes wrong, and gay muppets.

Flossing baboons, Amazon's on shrooms, and a family has more bedrooms!

Are we holding animals back? Did a t-rex rob the Easter bunny? Does Fortnight cause divorce?

Kindergarten stripper-poles in China, ghost hunting to a new level in Connecticut, and real fake knives in Japan.

In this cursed thirteenth episode we talk a goat on the lam, a Godzilla on the loose, and a Michael Jackson on the Simpsons. Listen ... if you dare!

Bald brides, bear blocking, and bold birds.

Eggbutts, lemon thieves, and repeat offense by criminal squirrels.

It's a packed-full "animal style" edition starring parrots, cookies, and goats! It's the G.O.A.T!

Britney's spending habits, Colorado schools make 3-day weekends permanent, and finding Dad's old love letters backfires.

Ghost lovers, old metalheads, and grand theft aero.

Deadly alligators, slighted filmmakers, and cat-poop risk takers.

Bigfoot porn, waiting in lines for cash, and the newest in sex doll technology.

Painted asses, grand theft shark, and drug-fueled potato binges.

Parents are a riot, a fertile giraffe, and drunk seagulls.

Squirrel burglars, cloned meat, and barefoot walkers. Oh my.

A dead man lives, Jeff Goldblum is huge, and robot burgers are on the menu.

Diamondbacks reliever Archie Bradley poops himself, a flamingo on the lam, and a cow attack!