Elephant Conversations

There’s something about the word “boundaries” that can conjure up the idea that someone is being difficult or purposely not helpful.The truth is, that’s not at all what boundaries are about. If anything, good boundaries that aren’t squishy can make things run more smoothly and actually help you AVOID conflict.  On this episode of the Elephant Conversations podcast, I’m talking about how having good boundaries can help you stop difficult conversations before they even begin.

Have you ever heard the expression that “perfection is the enemy of progress”? The reality of life is that nobody is ever going to be 100% perfect, and expecting them to be is just setting ourselves up for disappointment.  On this episode of the Elephant Conversation podcast, I’m talking about letting go of the idea that some people are projects to be fixed up and accepting that 100% perfection isn’t a reasonable goal.  

As a leader, it’s sometimes easy to fall into the trap of only singling out an employee when something goes wrong instead of making a point to catch people when they’re doing something right. So how do we break that habit and start making a point to draw attention to the positive?  On this episode of the Elephant Conversations podcast, I’m sharing how you can set your intention to fill the emotional bank accounts of the people around you and help yourself build stronger relationships.

You may think that including the phrase “it’s not personal” when you’re in the midst of a difficult conversation softens up what you’re saying, but in reality, it’s not doing you any favors.  In fact, it can have the complete opposite effect of what you intended.  On this episode of the Elephant Conversations podcast. I’m sharing why using “it’s not personal” doesn’t actually make things better and what to do when you catch yourself using it.

When you have a message to share, it’s important for you to remain calm, cool, and confident and speak powerfully. If you are stressed and anxious and in flight or fight mode, it’s contagious to those around you.  Having people stressed and on edge when you’re speaking to them is not the most productive way to go. On this episode of Elephant Conversations, I uncover the #1 tip to speak powerfully in any situation you encounter.

Have you said yes without even thinking and have it followed by regret and remorse? We all know that feeling too well. We say yes without making that conscious decision that it actually is something we want to do. You end up beating yourself up, and feelings of resentment start festering. Not a fun feeling, and it can create huge issues in your relationships. In this episode of Elephant Conversations, I explain how you can create space from the moment you have the ask until you decide to agree to take something on and decide that it is something you actually want to do.

Being raised in a talkative family, I had to shout and talk over people just to be heard. I thought that If I could talk louder and dominate the conversation, people would listen. Boy, was I wrong! It’s something I have to work on because it’s so deeply ingrained in my personality. In this episode of Elephant Conversations, I’m covering strategies to have people listen to you and be more interested in what you have to say.

It’s so easy to get distracted with different projects than the one you should be working on. "Oh, I want to do a course on that! I really want to speak on that subject. I can’t wait to read the book about that!" But progress all comes down to one thing: Where do you want to focus your energy? When we get really clear on what we want to accomplish, we put aside time to do that and tend to make great gains at it.  In this episode of Elephant Conversation, I talk about how you can get out of the pattern of achieving a millimeter of progress in a million directions and avoid the disappointment and regret of half-done projects.

When was the last time you woke up on the wrong side of the bed? Your mood is already sour, and on top of that, everything you touch seems to go wrong.  How can you NOT let it ruin your day? Well, it’s up to you to choose how to change how you see what’s happening.  Having a change of attitude is really about hitting the reset button. On this episode of Elephant Conversations, I’m taking you through how changing your language and changing your story can actually change your life.

Kids are great. They’re fearless. They try something. They fail. They fall. And they keep on trying. It’s like having superpowers! So, what’s your superpower? It’s time to reconnect with that little kid in you and figure it out. So the question is: Are you ready for the Courage Challenge? It’s simple. Ask yourself: What is the ONE thing I can do better at? Be more efficient at? Can I be a better leader? A better speaker? A better team player? You can take it your personal life and ask how you can be a better partner or parent. There are no limits. Pick one thing and then ask someone you trust for their feedback. Uncomfortable? Yes. Important? Definitely. In this episode of Elephant Conversations, I’m challenging you to reach out for feedback about ONE aspect of your life and then push yourself to implement that feedback.

What do you think about when you think about courage? Do certain people pop into your mind automatically as being particularly courageous? What about YOU? Are you courageous? We tend to admire courage in other people but forget that we have that within ourselves too. Think about the last time you felt fearful, yet pushed through that fear and accomplished what you wanted. Pretty amazing, right? In this episode of Elephant Conversations, I’m talking about what you can do today to flex your courage muscle. (Don’t worry — start small!)

How much more peaceful would your life be if you didn’t find yourself getting caught up in loops of complaining about the little things?The fact is, we have more control over our thoughts than we think we do. However, we can’t start to change our behavior unless we’re both aware of what we're doing and we have a plan of action to deal with ourselves when we’re becoming a complainer.  On this episode of the Elephant Conversations Podcast, I’m sharing my tips on how to detox from complaining.   

How awesome would your life be if you were free from worrying about what other people think of you? If you were to live life on your terms? But maybe you're thinking "but Diane, there ARE some expectations that have to be met. Like at work, for instance."  Well, guess what? It's not an all or nothing proposition. While there are some expectations we do have to meet, there are certainly ways we can shed the stress we put on ourselves to meet expectations that aren't realistic or fair to ourselves.  You just need to know how to get started.  On this episode of the Elephant Conversations podcast, I’m talking about how you can free yourself from the expectations of others.

We all encounter rude people in our lives. When we have encounters with people who are rude, the aftereffects can last for a while. Our adrenaline is pumping and we often spend more time than we should be contemplating all the different ways the interaction could have gone.  We’re left feeling depleted. But it doesn’t have to be that way.  In this episode of the Elephant Conversations podcast, I’m sharing my best tips for dealing with rude people.

Have you ever heard the expression “No is a complete sentence”?Sounds great in theory but saying no and leaving it at that can be really challenging for some of us.  Have you ever wondered why such a tiny little word can be sooooo hard to say? On this episode of Elephant Conversations podcast, I’m sharing some tips on how to say no with confidence, and knowing when saying no is in your best interest.

Feedback.We all need it sometimes, and it can be helpful to get a different perspective from someone else.But what happens when the feedback you’ve received is NOT what you were expecting at all and you aren’t really loving what the other person has to say?In this episode of the Elephant Conversations podcast, we’re exploring what to do when feedback makes you twinge.

Leaders lead and provide feedback. That’s how someone improves. In fact, that’s how WE improve as well. Without feedback, we don’t know how we’re doing or where we can step up our efforts. We’re in a type of vacuum that does no one any good. But we still have this instinct in us that wants to avoid this uncomfortable conversation. It’s important to understand that by providing critical feedback, you’re giving them the opportunity to better themselves and find the right place for them — even if it’s not with you. On this episode of the Elephant Conversations podcast, I’m sharing strategies for how to get past our avoidance desire and really get to the heart of the issue.

You know what they say about the best-laid plans… No matter how much we prepare and do everything exactly right, our conversations don’t always go as planned or how we want. But it’s important to not psych yourself out of saying what needs to be said because you’re afraid that it’s not going to go “right.” On this episode of the Elephant Conversations podcast, I’m sharing some guidelines — my ABCs of Difficult Conversations — so that you go into these situations confidently.

Have you heard the saying: “You to train people how to treat you”? All that’s basically saying is that how you react and interact with people will show them what you will tolerate and expect in your relationships — business or otherwise. In fact, you might even be violating someone else’s boundaries and not even realize it nor be doing it intentionally. But you know what? You are still in violation — and I’ve been guilty of that myself. In this episode of the Elephant Conversations podcast, I’m sharing my tips for making boundaries work for you.

“That’s not what I meant.” “You can’t take a joke.” “You’re being too sensitive.” We’ve all been on the other side of this conversation where our feelings our discounted. And where does that road lead us to? Shame. It’s time to stop allowing gaslighting to tell us how we feel or should feel. In this episode of the Elephant Conversations podcast, I’m talking about what you can do to take these conversations to a place you didn’t think they could go.

Expectations. We set them for all kinds of things in our life: how certain situations will turn out, how someone will react, how something will actually play out, etc. When these expectations are not met, we’re left with all these negative emotions that can be difficult to deal with. Surrendering to what is instead of continuing to focus on what you wanted and expected to happen can lead to great discord. In this episode of the Elephant Conversations podcast, discover what inner peace you can feel when you let go of what you believe should’ve been.

Sometimes, you just have to stop talking. You know when you’ve had a difficult conversation, and once you get done saying what needs to be said, there’s this “pregnant pause” that is palpable? What do you do? You start talking again. It can be difficult and uncomfortable for both parties, but it’s imperative to allow what you said to be processed. If you keep on talking, they never get the chance and what you said loses some of its impact. In this episode of the Elephant Conversations podcast, discover how to use silence as a way to more effectively communicate.

As the old adage goes: “It’s not what you say but how you say it.” Miscommunication can wreak havoc on your relationships — both personal and in business. On this episode of the Elephant Conversations podcast, I share why tone can make all the difference in your business and personal conversations.  

“I feel” is a positive phrase, right? How can you go wrong if you’re telling people how you feel? Because, oftentimes, you’re not. In fact, what you’re most likely sharing are opinions and judgments. The reward? Suddenly, you’re talking to someone who is defensive. On this episode of the Elephant Conversations podcast, I share what you can say instead that is more genuine and thoughtful and that will help you communicate your thoughts more effectively.

How much have you complained today? We probably complain more than we’d like to but, in the end, it’s not beneficial to us in any way. In fact, it’s harmful. Don’t worry — you don’t have to quit cold-turkey! On this episode of the Elephant Conversations podcast, I’m sharing how complaining can bring a whole lot of negativity into your life and keep you stuck in the problem.

We tend to do things that make us feel comfortable in our lives and businesses. What do you think happens when you get out of your comfort zone? You go to a conference and meet new contacts. You pick up the phone to call that referral you keep putting off. And when it’s all said and done, you can climb back into your cozy spot feeling even better about yourself. On this episode of the Elephant Conversations podcast, I’m sharing how getting out of your comfort zone is more important to self-growth than you realize.

I was the Queen of Plan Bs, always having that back-up plan just in case. But what happens when you have that Plan B in your head as you’re trying to make your Plan A a reality? Your focus, energy, and effort are split because you know that you have something to fall back on. This is hurting yourself and your career. On this episode of the Elephant Conversations podcast, I’m sharing some sage advice that I learned from a music artist that has changed my perspective on having a fallback plan.

We’ve all fallen victim to the snark once or twice. We’re just going about our business, having an interaction with someone, and out comes some negative comment directed at us, seemingly for no reason. As much as we’d like to clap back, the best thing we can do is learn how to just dodge the comment and move the conversation forward. On this episode of the Elephant Conversations podcast, I’m sharing tips on how to deal with snarky comments and interrupt our instinct to react in the moment.

Listening is an interesting concept — we all have our own ideas on what it really means to listen to someone.If you’ve spent time in any sort of leadership training, you’ve probably heard them talk about “active” listening more times than you can count.So what’s the deal? Is there really a secret to being a great listener?In short — there sure is. On this episode of the Elephant Conversations podcast, I’m sharing my tips for how to be an engaged listener.

Every year when January 1st comes around, you hear people talking about their New Year’s Resolution. Everyone has big plans about what they’ll do for the year to come, but more often than not, most of us fall off the wagon sooner or later.So what would happen if we just decided to stand up and so “no more!” to new year’s resolutions? No more beating ourselves us for not being able to follow through for 12 months, no more wondering why we can’t seem to stay the course. What if instead, we tackled small goals that we can actually accomplish in way less time than a year? In this episode of the Elephant Conversations podcast, I’m talking about banishing new year’s resolutions in favor of realistic and attainable goals.

Changing our habits, especially when it comes to the words we choose when speak, can be a challenge. But like any other habit, it takes awareness to start to make a change. In this episode of the Elephant Conversations podcast, I’m sharing some tips on how to start avoiding powerless language and incorporate powerful language into your difficult conversations instead.

When it comes to appreciation, so many of us have a hard time really embracing it due to past experiences. We might feel suspicious of the other person’s motives, or we may have been brought up to downplay our own accomplishments. In this episode of the Elephant Conversations podcast, I’m sharing why we need to let appreciation in.

Have you ever looked back on something in your life choices and wondered what would have happened if you took a different path? I certainly have. I’ve let fear stop me from exploring opportunities because I was paralyzed by the idea of making the wrong decision. As I’ve gotten older though, I’ve learned that fear is often something we should embrace, not reject. In this episode of the Elephant Conversations podcast, I’m looking at making decisions from a place of strength, and what we’d really do if we weren’t afraid.

Have you ever wondered how you could do a better job at getting your point across and really being “heard” by the people around you? Or maybe you’ve wondered what it is about what you’re saying that doesn’t seem to get you the outcome you were looking for? In this episode of the Elephant Conversations podcast, I’m sharing simple tips on how to use powerful language.

Showing appreciation is one of those things that we all probably think we do a reasonable job at, but the truth is, we could all always do a little better.   Whether it’s keeping in touch with friends or family or a kind gesture out in public, there’s always an opportunity to spread a little kindness to others.     In this episode of the Elephant Conversations podcast, I’m sharing how random acts of appreciation can make a big difference.

Ever found yourself saying “yes” to something when you REALLY want (or need) to say “no”?. The expression “No is a complete sentence” sounds great in theory, but actually following through on your no can be really tough. In this episode, I’m discussing how to say no and make it stick for good.

There’s something really magical that can happen when we face our fears...suddenly we’ve opened up a whole new world of possibilities. But first, we need to get our mindset in the right place to take the leap. In this episode of the Elephant Conversations podcast, I’m going deep to give you some ideas on how to take your fear and use it to fuel your choices so you don’t miss out on what could have been. You can learn more about Elephant Conversations at: www.elephantconversations.com.

If you’ve ever found yourself furiously trying to convince yourself to do something because you “have to”, it may be time for a mindset shift. In this episode of the Elephant Conversations podcast, I’m talking about the power of choice and how to flip your thinking from “I have to” to “I choose to”. You can learn more about Elephant Conversations at: www.elephantconversations.com.  

Have you ever watched someone handle a difficult conversation like a pro and wondered how they do it? How they managed to remain cool, calm and collected while getting their point across? If so, welcome to the club! But guess what? It’s not as hard as you think it is to be one of those people. All it takes is knowing is HOW, and that’s exactly why I’ve created the Elephant Conversations podcast. I'm your host, Diane A. Ross and I'm an executive coach, leadership mentor, and difficult conversations expert who teaches people around the world how to have the courage to tackle difficult conversations with confidence, poise, and power.  In this podcast, I’m sharing practical tips and techniques to help you build confidence, establish trust, improve relationships and master difficult conversations.  I’m giving you all the tools you need to ensure a successful outcome in your interactions. You can learn more about Elephant Conversations at: www.elephantconversations.com.