KNOW THYSELF Podcast

My struggle with maintaining presence...and fearing that I'll never be able to rest completely, in the beautiful experiences life brings me, without wondering if the thief of joy is waiting around the corner.

Though people pleasing, can often develop as a result of childhood neglect and abuse. I firmly believe that it is not a good behavior to maintain, especially when you are able to recognize and gain awareness of how it developed in the first place and how it impacts the way you show up for yourself and in relationship with others. Failing to process and restructure this kind of distortion results in (imo) a steady increase in feelings of emptiness within yourself and creates a lack of genuineness in relationships. It stops you from giving yourself and others the truth about what you need to maintain a balanced lifestyle and foster healthy connections. It denies you the ability to access and evolve into the ways in which your authentic self needs the most. It denies you the ability to advocate for yourself and others when it is most appropriate. It denies you the authentic experience of living a life that truly fulfills you. It causes you to compromise values that are important to you. It fuels self abandonment and eventually causes you to be uncomfortable with trying to live a life that you've actually been yearning for. It destroys relationships and keeps you from experiencing all the beauty and love they have to offer. It causes you to continuously fall into patterns of dynamics where you consistently feel drained, because you always prioritize the needs of the relationship or person you're in relationship with, before your own. Everyone, as an adult, has the obligation and responsibility of being aware of and knowing how to regulate their own physical, spiritual, mental and emotional health. So that when we come together, we are able to give accurate support and care without compromising ourselves and the integrity of connection.

Thank you guys for tuning in to this episode about shame, this was a really difficult one to record because it's such an emotionally heavy topic for me. But, I felt like it was important to discuss the impact of shame and how debilitating it can be. Over the past month, I realized how important it is for me to make space for shame. To recognize it, validate it, soothe it, and then continue pushing on. I hope you can do the same. I love you, Kendraya

Though change is inevitable and is experienced on small and grand scales with every passing day. There are those of us who manage to fight it, by clinging to predictability and familiarity to maintain a sense of safety. But when a threat is no longer present, where do you go from there? How do you navigate your world by allowing yourself to release, this now, false sense of security? In this episode I finally give thoughts on my relationship with change and the struggles that I face daily trying to lean into it. The time I've spent talking about and pondering over these difficult thoughts has helped me. In relation, I hope this helps you too.

I did not intended to be gone for 8 months, but I'm back and so much better. I was struggling to record this particular episode over the course of those 8 months, in efforts to not interfere with prolonging it's release any longer, I did minimal editing without listening through the whole thing. Usually, when people have been through life altering situations, their main intention is to get "back" to themselves. Over the course of a few months I too have pondered over what It'd be like to access a version of myself that existed before my life changed. And while I think it is important to reach back and preserve certain parts of my existence, I've come to the conclusion that doing so would be self limiting. Just like the box I've been in over the last several years. I don't even know who I will be, the thoughts I'll have, the things I'll do, or the feelings I'll feel within the next few hours, let alone over the course of a few years. I say all of this to say, that I'm open and accepting to who I decide to be with each passing moment. Although this episode doesn't span the range of topics that I thought it would when I previously tried to record, it honors what I was willing to share in my present state without overthinking. This is a brief recollection of where I was, where I am, and leaves room for where I'm headed.

Generational curses can be a bitch. It's very common within our community to let things fester and to sweep shit under the rug. But the shit still fucking stinks, yet, everyone acts like everything is normal. Will you be the curse breaker, will it stop with you? If the answer is no, and you're unwilling to be apart of the solution, you may just need to get the fuck out of the way, and take the shitty rug with you.

Finding your voice after not being accustomed to speaking out can be difficult. It's scary, it's exciting and new. It's a journey of self discovery. A balancing act, especially when you've operated from one side of the spectrum for the majority of your life. Of course there are instances where you happen to stumble on the radical side, but finally allowing yourself that uncensored permission can be a daunting, but enlightening experience in the same instance.

Welcome to the first EP of the Know Thyself Podcast! Before this FINAL FINAL draft, I originally had recorded and edited what I thought was a final version. But, I scrapped it because it didn't feel authentic to who I am. So around 10:46 pm last night, I laid on my floor, hooked up my mic and recorded PROUDLY. I thank you guys so much for tuning in, this is so new and exciting and terrifying for me (but I'm doing it scared), I can't wait to see where this journey takes me. I hope that, through me, you feel heard and seen, and that's all I could ask for. With Love, Kendraya Aurieale J