Bold Free True

Meet Marilyn Sutherland. Marilyn is a dynamite woman in business, an Author, program facilitator, and coach with a big heart and brilliant mind. She is a leader in transformational conversations specifically when it comes to creating effective communication. She is committed that human beings access loving relationships in any environment and delivers her coaching to couples and business leaders alike. Ashlie Woods and Tiffany Bednar of Bold.Free.True. interviewed Marilyn to capture the passion behind her business to get a glimpse into what unfolded in her own life to bring her to where she is today. Marilyn accepts new clients through application only. To connect with her visit her website at www.myjourneytolastinglove.comInterview Transcription: AshlieWe're excited to be here today with Marilyn Sutherland for a raw and real conversation about how to build connections with people. As a leader of personal transformation seminars for 15 years, Marilyn has coached over thousands of individuals to be in powerful action to fulfill their dreams. She's a graduate of presence-based leadership coach training, she coaches women in their journey of knowing themselves, being confident and creating healthy relationship habits as they navigate their personal and professional lives. So we're really happy to be here with Marilyn today and to share this conversation with you,Marilyn, let's start. Tell us why you're so passionate about connection.Marilyn You know, I was reflecting back to when I was a little girl and I just loved to talk to people. I’d walked down the street when I was five years old and I'd be sitting on their porch and I would sing and I could dance. I’d perform for people. I'm an extrovert. And so that's always been a part of who I am. I don't know how many careers I've had. I went into the business world and got hired when I was about 30. So I've been 40 years in the business world and my first job in that was with IBM and there weren't a lot of people who were relationship-oriented. I got pulled in to go coach project managers who were having relationship issues. I was a trainer, I managed people in difficult projects, and I built a lot of skills. Then when I became a leader of transformational seminars, I honed those skills. And then with my other training, including my Presence-Based Coaching, I brought in the personal spiritual presence and refined my skills. I've been working on this for 30 plus years and have a master's in Organizational Development and did change management for years work with Accenture and a small boutique company. My business now that I've left corporate is really about pulling it all together and giving people not just one kind of set of skills, but whatever is needed for them to show up as who they are, know themselves in their love and business because we're the same person wherever we go.For most of us, whatever our issues are, we bring wherever we go. The work that I do really gives people the opportunity to be who they really are, in their life: with their kids, their romantic partner, dating life, as a leader, as an employee, to just be their best.TiffanyMarilyn, what I hear you saying is that there is real access in a relationship. Right? So through your sharing, your corporate background, the programs that you've delivered I could hear your speaking coming around to the importance of relationship. And I know with the book that you've written, the Nine Whopping Mistakes, that's something that you really cover in the book rather thoroughly is relationship is access to self-growth. Can you tell us more about that and share why you feel that that's such a pillar in accessing our true selves? MarilynThat's a great question, Tiffany.You know, when we're little, things happen to us, and sometimes just in a moment, like your mom is pushing you in the cart at the supermarket and she dashes around the corner for a second to get something and you don't see her and you start crying. At that moment, whether you have verbal skills or not, you think “Something's dangerous, I don't know where mommy is.” That could be a two or three-year-old but then we have this spirit in our body. And every time something happens that gets built stronger and stronger. Now we show up as a leader and somebody challenges you in a meeting, and you're in fear and revert back to the fear from childhood, which doesn't make any sense now for how you want to lead. AshlieI hear you saying it's like there's these irrational, to the adult mind, reasons or experiences, that impact us in our future or in our lives whether we realize it or not? That makes perfect sense.MarilynIt's really in our bodies and our subconscious beliefs that we feel the world isn't safe, now at three years old, you didn't say that. You're just like, “Where's Mommy?”, but the world is not safe or you wouldn't be afraid. Unless we grow ourselves up in those, intangible kinds of parts of us that are literally running our life. That's gonna be what shows up. I was just talking to someone who's doing a real estate deal. And he had a conversation with someone that he thought was going to be an investor and the person started questioning things and he felt insulted. I said to him, “you know, he's in fear. You're talking about hundreds of thousands of dollars. He's in fear, or he's afraid he's gonna get hurt or some kind of an emotion that comes from his childhood and most of us have, they show up differently, but we have the same kinds of things. “We have some kind of fear of not being loved, seen or appreciated, valued, respected. “So I said, you know, there it is. What he said wasn't intended to insult that person. They were saying that because they were afraid this is a lot of money. How do I know my money's safe? Therefore I'm safe. It’s everywhere.”Ashlie I can really sense what you're saying how that recognition would provide a whole different way to talk to somebody or relate to them, which is exactly what you're talking about. Right? MarilynYesAshlieCan you tell us, in regards to that, some of the ways that you work with somebody to support them in making better connections?MarilynSo at the very lowest level, the word connection means in a way -interaction, but it’s the quality of the way you interact. And it includes our verbal skills, nonverbal, and all those survival skills that we have that really don't work that are shaping how we show up. And so there's all these different levels, AND whatever you practice grows stronger. So if you want to make a change to a new habit, you have to practice it, not forever, not for 40 years but for weeks anyway. It's amazing how quickly we can change but you have to be intentional about it. I work with people individually and in groups and right now my entry group program is called Effective Communication: Deeper Connection. I work with people for business or personal and I usually have a mix in my crowd. I do training, I give people practices. Ashlie Yeah, that's what I'm hearing. MarilynI also coach individually, I give coaching individually because I know that makes a difference and sometimes things come up, they don't want to share in the course or they need extra help that really isn't relevant for everyone. I also have a program I'm going to be launching called Your Journey to Lasting Love for women to really master these skills and have that over 10 months, but I also do individual coaching in whatever I do, I'm listening for what is it that would make the biggest difference in having you have access to your true self. Tiffany Marilyn, I'm glad you brought that up because I was going to ask, in the work that you've done with people and the thousands of people that you've talked to you in this conversation over the years and the programs you stood for in your consulting services, what are some of the outcomes that people would have access to having done a program like this or having really taken on if they decide to focus on this area of their life, what becomes available for people that you've worked with?Marilyn You know, I have one story, I will tell you, I was doing a live event and (I have live events in my courses, too). So we're not only online, on zoom, but we also run a live event. I had a couple come to my live event who hadn't done my previous training. And before that, I had interviewed the woman, so I knew the woman and she brought her husband and they really had no connection with each other. They worked through their child. And that was kind of the way they connected. He said, “I'm hopeless, that we can really rebuild our relationship. But I'm here and I'll do the best I can.” AshlieNiceTiffanyPerfect.Marilyn And I had this conversation and by the end of the first day, he was looking at himself instead of looking at her and what she didn't do.One of the things that I had them do was do the love languages test. They did that and they came back the next morning and they were touching. He had his arm around her, she had her hand in his lap. They'd never touched the first day. And in fact, they had said, “We don't really have a physical relationship”. And the next day they were touching. They’d been suffering in this for four years.So that's one example. Another one is a woman that I worked with, who was just waiting to leave her husband when they sold their house, and they've been married for 33 years. And for the last 30 years, once their child was born, he stopped really connecting to her. She was totally resigned. And I said, “you know, to her, just be nice, be kind to him, acknowledge him when he makes you breakfast, say thank you, and intentionally connect. Yeah.” And a few days later, he offered to help her out with something I think she asked him and then a week later, she was struggling with something In her business, she has a home-based business and he said, “Would you like me to help you like I did before?”She had said he would never do anything like that! That was a week later. I didn’t mean, everything was solved. And she still was saying at that point that she wanted to leave him. But I said, While you're there, you need to have some kind of connection and relationship and be nurtured by the fact that you're with him. So that was the beginning of her journey. AshlieIt sounds like in situations where it can be easy and relationship or connecting to look out and want the other person to change or be different in some way. And it sounds like you're giving people tools that they can personally use to effectively impact the situation instead of just waiting for this someone to hopefully change or complain about this person which is very empowering, right? MarilynTotally. I mean, in the end, that's all we could be responsible for is ourselves. One of the questions that people ask all the time is, “how do I get my partner to change?” I'm like, Are you kidding me? AshlieGood luck on that! If you figure it out, tell me.MarilynIf it worked, they would be different already. All we can do is change ourselves. And most of the time, it's like a dance. If you're dancing like this, and then you go like that, they're probably going to adjust. And so you make the change first. It's 100%. Zero.You know, it doesn't mean and sometimes a person isn't a good match for you. If someone's aggressive and verbally abusive and, or and you don't have, you know, may not be a good relationship for youAshlieTotally different scenario MarilynBut most of the time, if you have a good partner, whatever that means for you, you guys can create something masterful, but someone has to say, “I'm going to do it.” And that's the skills that I give and I coach people in whatever I see would make the biggest difference. And then we practice.AshlieThat’s powerful. TiffanyMarilyn. What I can hear as we wrap this up, is that there is access for people, even in the leadership realm. I know that we started off this conversation talking about your corporate consultancy, and I know having worked in teams myself that we also have this, it's -over there- type of mentality sometimes, especially when it's somebody that you're not in a romantic relationship at all, you feel, even more, that there's a distance between you and this other person and you feel a little powerless to be able to make the move or shift that it often comes to turnover or replacement of people or this constant churning through on a project. So when I hear you and what you have available for working with people is literally getting down and dirty with the relationship with yourself in order to be the biggest contribution in relationship with others. And just wondering if there's anything else or any other insight around that that you want to share or say that you're about? TiffanyYes, yeah, thanks for asking that.So, the skills are the same, of course, they show up different because with a partner, you might touch their shoulder as a way of connecting when you're talking to them. You probably wouldn't do that in a work environment, or hug as a way of showing caring, but just when we look at each other, and you nod and smile and ask questions, and you show that you care. For leaders, you know, a team leader, a supervisor, a manager, a head of a company, a solopreneur, who's working with contractors, all of that, we set the stage and the culture for how people work around us. It's where the head of the organization but even as an employee or team member, we can say, don't gossip around me and we can shape the culture. And it's so important. You don't have to be the head.But definitely for leaders you have to get yourself aligned with what is it that you really want and treating people with respect and honor being consistent with what you say, who you say you are. And what you say is the way you want others to operate. You have to show that and that's all people want. I mean, we spend so much time at work, we want to place where we know how to show up and what to do and how to be and that's nurturing and supportive. And when you create that as a member or a leader, and we're really all leaders, we're leaders in the kind of world that gets created around us. When we do that It's so fulfilling. The impact we can have an organization is amazing. It's not just our family and our friends who are so important to us, but we can impact our clients and their clients. It can resonate out to hundreds of thousands of people. AshlieIt's really great. Your Passion is evident in your body and you're speaking you can really tell that relationships and connection light you up. MarilynThank you for saying that This is so much fun.This is what intentional connection and what it all means when you're listening. And you're reflecting back to me that I just my heart so full. TiffanyThat’s beautiful. Marilyn. Marilyn, we always appreciate you in the space. Thank you for the contribution that you are and for the tenacity that you have to stand in this place alongside people doing this kind of work of really taking a stand that people connect and have a meaningful life. So I appreciate you thank you so much. MarilynThank you. AshlieThank you for being with us today. Learn more about Marilyn Sutherland and her wonderful offerings at www.myjourneytolastinglove.com

BOLD. FREE. TRUE. Get present to the life that has brought you here -- to where you are today. All of the relationships, jobs, conversations, certifications, melt-downs, books, courses, successes, and losses. They all matter -- they’re all important. Acknowledge the realness that there’s a flow to life that’s beyond your control and that we're here, today, existing together. The ease of access to information at your fingertips creates an overwhelming feeling that you should keep up with it all. In reality, you have to make choices. You can’t do it all, but you can choose how things will shake out and shape up within the flow of your life.It’s important to us (Ashlie and Tiffany) at Bold.Free.True. to contribute to the open and raw conversations about life choices and to share ways to consciously create life and business because, frankly, it’s not always so easy peasy. We hope our podcast will open up conversations that allow you the space to grow. The kind of space that invites you to take courageous action to create what was once thought impossible -- a doorway that opens to a new way to do life and business. We often get stuck, depressed, deflated or feel alienated. We want to contribute to feelings of hope, understanding and pump life into the veins of women who want to consciously create their lives. Running a business can be awful and it can be awfully rewarding. Stand for a life that makes a positive impact on the planet and which lives through connection with others. Invite other people to play and embrace those relationships.Our intention is to have REAL conversations with women about what it looks like to rewrite their scripts, about not needing to carry everything on their backs, and to CREATE from a place within themselves where they can be more fulfilled and connected. Please subscribe to our bi-weekly podcast to get notifications of new conversations -- and to stay in contact with us! Contact us about any places you feel deflated, celebratory, or about topics you want to discuss and we’ll try to touch on them in the future. Subscribe to the Podcast