Clutter Chronicles

This is my first conversation with Mary. Mary is slowly letting me into her life to share her story about her unusual relationship with stuff. She now calls herself a recovering hoarder, and she wants to help others by shining the light on this topic that is very difficult to discuss. Maybe you, too, have an unusual relationship with stuff or know someone who does. You get to be a fly on the wall hearing what until now, she has kept very private.

Mary talks about her childhood, her pain of feeling misunderstood and the shame that brought. She clung to her stuffed toys because she didn't know how to voice her feelings and later turned to shopping to soothe her anxiety.

Mary came to a crossroad in her adult life when she realized she was out of control. That was 10 years ago.

Mary shares her rock bottom low point and discovers that her stuff is getting in the way of living. She also discovers, miraculously, how to start taking better steps.

Mary shares when she was ready to admit that she was a hoarder, begin the healing process and let people help her. What's the difference between a minimalist (her husband) and a hoarder: someone who is in charge of their stuff and someone who isn't.

Mary tells us about going into therapy and getting zapped by a power greater than herself.

Living in her house full of stuff requires armor. What's it like for Mary to keep putting on and taking off the armor to fight the hoarding dragon? Also, what's her husband's perspective on all of her stuff?

Mary moves some stuff from her vintage clothing collection out the door.

More about the momentous clear out of Mary's vintage clothing and accessory items and what makes someone worthy of receiving her precious stuff.

Last time, we heard about the momentous clear out and what makes someone worthy of receiving Mary's precious stuff. In today’s conversation Mary returns to her childhood home where it all began.

Last time, we heard about Mary returning to her childhood home where it all began. In today’s conversation Mary experiences resistance after her recent success getting rid of some of her vintage clothing collection.

Mary talks about trying to make a 2nd vintage clothing store appointment in the midst of heavy resistance. She particularly wants to bring a precious vintage formal robe that she has loved and displayed for many years, one of her most favorite pieces.

Mary gets rid of her precious vintage robe and lives to tell the tale!

We get Mary's perspective on the Hoarders TV show and we discuss the email that she wrote to God. Notes:The person I couldn't remember is Peter Walsh. He's been on two TV shows: Clean Sweep and Enough Already.

We discuss how Mary stopped the inflow of stuff into her home by addressing her compulsive shopping habit. Also on deck: Will she or won’t she? Is Mary ready to let me into her home?

Mary lets me visit her house, and this is a very big deal.

This is the second episode of three we recorded during my visit to Mary’s house. In this conversation I see the worst, her most packed rooms and things got a little weird for us.

This was an overwhelming experience for both of us. Mary reveals what she really wants to be able to do with her time instead of worry about her stuff. And I awkwardly ask if she wants my help to get ready for her looming house inspection. How I wish I would have been more celebratory about what it meant for me to just BE in Mary’s house. Instead I jumped in to help. Because it was a victory - bringing shame into the light where it can't survive; that's what really matters.

Last time we finished up my momentous visit to Mary’s house. We had set a goal at the beginning our our podcast to let me into her home. Today, we debrief how that visit went for each of us.

Last time we started processing through the aftermath of my visit to Mary’s house and we had more to explore, so here’s part two of that conversation.

Today, we get to hear about Mary’s recent breakthrough experiences. It’s some good news today, friends.

Last time we heard about Mary’s recent breakthroughs, in this episode Mary is now able to get glimpses about what she would do with her time instead of marshaling her stuff.

We discuss our admiration for Amanda Palmer’s "Art of Asking" TED talk, what it’s like to ask people for help and how our podcast project is like science fiction, turning hoarding inside out.

In today’s conversation, we change things up and little. We’ve invited a woman named Barbara, who Mary met because she was wearing a blouse she had made out of a vintage tablecloth. Mary thought she might be the perfect person to sell some of her treasured family linens. But it was really hard for Mary to even put them in her car, let alone have someone take them.

Mary describes what it was like to say goodbye to her mother’s things and the trust required to let them go. We also heard how the dog purse went over at the vintage store.

We check in on how things are going with her spouse. With him loving space and her needing to fill it up, it can get tricky.

Last time we talked about how things were going with Mary’s space loving spouse and the tricky dynamics involved with her stuff. In this conversation Mary recognizes what her stuff has been doing to her and the floodgates open.

Up until this point it's been just over four months since Mary and I began recording our conversations and she is making great progress. When we get together, we usually have a lot to talk about so record several sessions at once. Last time Mary recognized what her stuff has been doing to her and the floodgates opened. Today, we continue that conversation and learn that the stuff is beginning to lose power and the power is now shifting to Mary.

Mary talks about the healing conversations between she and her husband now that the shame, that dirty rotten scoundrel, is beginning to lift. And we discuss the invisible lifesaver that has been critical to her healing.

Mary tells us about how she could turn on a dime and ready office space at home for her husband and the strategies she is using with boxes to help calm the chaos.

In today’s conversation we catch up after several months between recording sessions and hear that Mary no longer has an out-of-control need to keep things and we find out why.

Last time. we caught up after several months between recording sessions and heard that Mary no longer had an out-of-control need to keep things. In today’s conversation we talk about how Mary has been learning, along with her preschoolers, how to transition and make better decisions, key skills she’s never learned before.

Last time we talked about how how Mary had been learning, along with her preschoolers, how to transition and make better decisions, things she had never learned before. That was over three months ago. In today’s conversation, Mary has learned another new skill: how to fill up a garbage can.

Mary shares with us her new goal of getting the garage cleared out to park their truck inside during the winter.

Last time Mary shared with us her new goal of getting the garage cleared out to park their truck inside during the winter. In today’s conversation, we continue discussing that and learn that Mary is letting go old thoughts and old ways which is really the hardest part.

Mary did get the garage cleared out but it brought anxiety more than anything, which was a big surprise to me.

Last time we learned that Mary DID get the garage cleared out but it brought anxiety more than anything. In today’s conversation, Mary recognizes the progress she’s made and feels she’s on the cusp of normalcy.

Mary is starting to tap resources that are proving quite helpful that she wasn’t ready or able to access before.

Mary describes the hope she is allowing herself to feel now as she moves stuff out of the #1 position in her life. The book I reference at the end of our conversation is The Path is Everywhere, by Matt Licata.

Mary is peeling away more and more shame and raising expectations for what her home can be.

Mary has discovered the core of her hoarding and it’s the family’s paper memorabilia. Show Notes:Becoming Minimalist 12-week Uncluttered courseSunk cost fallacy is the behavioral economic theory that I was referring to in my example of the shirt I bought and didn’t want to get rid of. The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning, by Margareta MagnussonBarry Schwartz, The Paradox of Choice, Ted talk (2005).Report Confirms No Need to Make New Chairs, The Onion, July 15, 2014

Mary shares the uncomfortable situation going on inside her body and how it relates to her external situation.

Last time we talked, about three months ago, Mary shared the uncomfortable situation that was going on inside her body and how it related to her external hoarding situation. In today’s conversation, Mary explains the unclogging process, and it's no fun.

Last time Mary explained the unique process of unclogging her insides. In today's conversation, Mary talks about how her relationship to clothing is starting to shift and how she’s poised to start letting go of a brand new category of her treasures.

Mary shares a very sad story that is giving her a new perspective and motivating her like never before.

Mary talks about moving from the arena of hoarding to one of hope and explains how she has made leaps in her healing from shame with the help of her therapist.

Last time we talked, Mary talked about moving from the arena of hoarding to one of hope and the positive impact that’s made. In today’s conversation, we check in on how her "Wet It Go Wednesday" plan has been working out.

In today’s conversation, we talk about how Mary's “life is short” lesson is impacting her in the time since her friend Lisa’s untimely death.The song we reference is Blonde's Heart of Glass. For copyright reasons, I did not play it during the episode.

Mary starts getting us caught up on the progress she’s been making over the past four months, packing up her car and getting rid of loads and loads of stuff.

Last time we talked, almost five months ago, Mary started getting us caught up on the progress she’s been making packing up her car and getting rid of loads and loads of stuff. In today’s conversation, I ask Mary what she thinks about getting a dumpster to help speed her progress.

Last time we talked, I asked Mary what she thought about getting a dumpster to help speed her progress. It today’s conversation, Mary’s progress takes a turn for the very good when she goes to a healing retreat and magic ensues, but not before she freezes her tail off!

In today’s conversation, is it kitty accidents or something else? And is it a disaster or the best thing?

Last time we talked, Mary was talking about the natural disaster that happened in her basement and the good that came from it. In today’s conversation, as if on cue, another backward step in the healing process for Mary, and we bring her anxiety issues into focus.

Today we explore why we settle for things we don’t want.

We discuss why Mary cannot accept help and though she feels like she’s coming back to square one over and over, how she is really and truly changing for good.

In today’s conversation, we talk about setting up a desk for Mary’s new job working from home, her wardrobe, shopping - all arenas for gaining and letting go of control.

We get to hear Mary’s brothers' reaction to our podcast and how Mary finally found a place for praying and reading in her home.

I was curious about Mary’s progress on several fronts, including her new reading chair and command center. Since it's been four months since we last talked, did these new ideas stick?

Mary tells us about the marvelous challenge by her therapist to live in the bittersweet.

Mary tells us she is emerging from this process realizing she is strong and able to receive and accept love.