Mad Idears

Use Atrocious Grammar by Sky Joiner

Karate fighting a wild beast might not be the best idea, but you're just stupid enough for it to work— maybe even more stupid. Ignoring every flashing evolutionary warning, this week we cover dropkicking birds, wrestling octopuses, and getting mauled to death by bears... at the zoo... in front of screaming schoolchildren.

You been eating fiber? Cause shit just got dark. That's because this episode cannibalism is back on the menu: We're gonna raid the funeral home and crank out some Soylent Green. Now, the case against cannibalism may seem pretty cut and dry (though if your cut of human meat comes out dry, I'd suggest marinating longer), but with any luck we'll bring the regular consumption of human flesh roaring back into fashion. This episode we cover middle-aged German Cannibals, the Donner Party and Siege of Leningrad, why ancient civilizations were like the popular girls' lunchtable, plus, of course, Soylent Green.

Our Canadian brethren are suffocating under the soft velvet robes of monarchy, and it's up to the U.S. to "liberate" their vast natural resources I mean our Northern brothers and sisters. Assuming their border defenses consist almost solely of natural dams built by beavers, should be a quick in-&-out— even though, yes, we do say that about every country we invade. But what adequate force exists to rebuff us? Their frail queen? She's gotta color-coordinate her Brexit outfit. Trudeau? Hopefully his hair can stay that coiffed when we feed him to polar bears. Overaching worldwide geopolitical forces and complex international security arrangements which would overwhelming perceive a unilateral U.S. invasion as an upending of the entire political order? Sorry U.N. dudes, we only speak the English. No idea what you're trying to say. Ep 4: Invade Canada

Can you imagine you how much you’d get done if you had 20 copies of yourself? Though, I guess, that’s assuming they’d do exactly what you tell them. They won’t. They’re you. They don’t wanna have to do shit either. This episode we explore human cloning, Battlestar Galactica’s bad decisions, Tatiana Maslaney (and how she/them shall doom humanity), country-singing sheep, cultists, and aliens.

Let’s face it: Traffic court drags on waaay too long. So we’re dusting off a classic to argue for bringing back the guillotine. It’s fast, efficient, objective, and shinier than the new Apple Iphone. Plus, gravity does all the work. One switch, one flick, all done. Unlike other current forms of capital punishment, as well, you’re left with a decapitated head to play practical jokes with. Oh, what’d I bring to the potluck? Here, take a peak… Nothing says good fun like bloody disembodied appendages. Or at least that’s what you claimed before getting kicked out the funeral.