CONNECTING HUMAN IN PEOPLE

Bullying and social boycott damages the kids on a much deeper level than we can imagine. Social media can prolong, spread and be used to repeat the bullying itself. It seems that before the kids who were bullies were mostly kids who had a low self esteem. Today that is also the case, but children today also have a really big need to control. With all of that, if we add a pedocentric approach to children (putting kids on a pedestal), the kids don't have a sense of boundaries or others. A 2008 study from a book The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement by Jean Twenge and W. Keith Campbell said that 25 percent of the kids have behaviour problems which resemble or stem from narcissism. Some children are born as leaders. It is not a solution to teach them to suppress those inclinations, rather we need to educate them how to use those skills in order to profit everyone. We as human beings have a natural need to control, even the existence of science is in order to control the nature. That need for control is in its essence nor good nor bad, but if we are try to control self and not others, then it becomes good. The first step we can all do to help kids not to bully each other and control each other is to start from self and set an example at home. Educating the kids is at least problem, first we have to start educating the families and come to an agreement on what kind of future we want for our kids.

Love and control can coexist if control is put in the right place. But when both partners want to take control over each other, the relationship, family gets out of control. Calming our nature, taking a minute to chill, then touching first even before we talk, we establish back the control. When calm, we analyze our relationship from aside, talk about it as a third entity. When thinking more about the partner, rather about yourself, it brings a more sense of control. That work has to be MUTUAL. According to Martin Buber if we are overfocused on ourselves then it happens that somebody controls the relationship and somebody else wants to be controlled (human being - thing relationship). But, if both partners feel themselves inside and want to feel each other, then they don't control each other, rather a third entity emerges between them - a relationship itself. IN THE BETWEEN relationship happens.

Two fears rule most of our lives. There is fear for our daily existence and the existence for our loved ones (health, money, food, shelter etc). And there is fear of making a right choice (questioning our decisions and how do affect our lives and even our afterlife) Losing something and someone also makes us feel afraid, and out of that we tend to control. That is why we want to control our lives, and even other people when we get the fear of losing ourselves in a relationship. Contrary to the fear of losing is the feeling of safety. What makes us feel safe in a relationship? When we feel supported, seeing each other for who we are and the efforts we make for each other. How can we come in that state of feeling safe if in a fight? Joking, giving each other some time to chill down, and the most important feeling of being together even if we are not together right in that moment. There is also a good side of fear, and that is that fear helps us evolves, it puts us in conflicts upon which we built even stronger relationships.

Big part of our life revolves around establishing control over our lives, whether it is our health, insurance, education, saving money, choosing a partner. We have to come in peace with the fact that wanting to control, and resisting control is in our nature. But, when we try to control the partner, the situation only gets worse, because partner naturally resists the control. So, where is the best place to aim our need for control? Up on us is to establish control on ourselves. When we, as partners, look at our marriage from the side, what kind of relationships we want to have in our family, what we want to built, it all makes us lose that need to control each other. We start controlling the environment in which we can feel safe, and nurture the relationship we want to have. Only when we give up controlling each other to change, things actually start to change. Paradoxical theory of change (Gestalt), when we accept who we are, and stop resisting the change, then is when we can change. As we accept who we are, that is how we should love and accept what our partner has got from nature as well. When there is mutual acceptance, a safe environment is established for more growth...

The more kids are growing up, they have a natural urge to become independent and show their power. That behaviour is often described as defiance and parents are a lot of times taking away their power in order to control their behaviour. How to nurture the natural urge for gaining individual power and still teach a child to control his own behaviour without restraining them? The key is in the example. When we keep our cool when our kids are losing their cool, this is the best way to teach them how they should manage themselves. But how to stay cool? By having a support on your own. When we give support to each other, giving an example to each other, that gives an inspiration and energy to do it on our own. The child will at the end copy mostly the atmosphere in which he is living in, whether it is visible or sometimes not.