Keeping Up With The Jones

I was massaging the hole in my mouth where I had a tooth removed. I will show you the hole. 

My life is a love letter to humanity. What the globalists do is a hate letter, a curse.

Q tells us stuff and all of its lies is what I'm saying. You're full of shit. That's why! Because every god damn thing out of you people's mouths doesn't come true. It's always...Oh there's energy. Oh now we're done with Trump. You said he was the Messiah. You said he was invisible. You said it was all over. That we're all going to Gitmo. Now oh he's part of a bigger thing of Q. I will not suffer your Q people after this! I knew what you were day 1. I know what you are now and I'M SICK OF IT! I'm sick of all these witches and warlocks and pumpkins popsums. And everything. Oh god. I'm sorry. I can't talk to you anymore. Jesus Christ.

We declare independence from the communist concession speech that the globalists are demanding in order to give their offering to Satan.

Spoiler alert: The fly was a drone.

Your technocracy is dead on arrival! You understand that? We are in charge of the planet! Not Satan! You think you're going to have this fight and have robots win it? NO! We'll defeat you and your god damn robots. You understand that? Damn you to hell, Satanist!

Secrets, secrets are no fun. Secrets, secrets hurt someone. I'm talking to you, globalists! I don't keep secrets!

The future is now! The future is in this podcast. A podcast that the globalists are daring you not to listen to. They are double dog daring you. Double hot dog daring you!

This episode is brought to you by My Body Glue Paste.

We got flies.

Aloe is nature's skin graft.

I go to the bathroom to piss!

I've been banned in the shadows and otherwise for being anti-communist.

This has everything you need to know about 5G and how to protect yourself.

News you could and should use!

I'd like to introduce you to the elephant in the room.

As we all know, the EPA wants to regulate your farts.

Literal vampire pot belly goblins are hobbling 'round coming after us.

People don’t have GOD, they don’t have FAMILY, all they have is NETFLIX.

What's the trouble with Treblin?

“I didn’t sweat at the time because I had suffered what I would describe as an overdose of adrenaline in the Falklands War when I was shot at and I simply...it was almost impossible for me to sweat." -Prince Andrew, Duke of York, 8th in line of the throne

Big words mean big ideas.

I am not responsible for the smashed bullet on my ex-wife's lawn. I'm also not responsible for the cameras that have been pointed at her property or the drone that peers in her window. That is not me. She's not on drugs and her hard drive is safe. Case closed.

If anything's worth the fear, it's worth the fight.

PODCASTER HARASSMENT!!!

Welcome to the neck episode.

The nipples tell me all I need to know about a person.

Credit where credit is due, but I'll need to see 2 forms of ID.

I'm going down down baby your street in a Range Rover. Street sweeper baby, cocked ready to let it go.

Nibblin' on sponge cake. Watchin' the sun bake.

I will fight the HOA's of my own compound. I didn't agree to these terms. I would NEVER agree to these terms!

Thank you to our listeners that haven't made intergalactic deals with the demon-possessed in other dimensions.

This episode was brought to you by the team at Wakin' Up Bacon. We couldn't do it without you and some other people. And you couldn't do it without me.

We appreciate our sponsors and the truth.

This new year is full of promise and live taxidermy.

Folks, we can't say enough nice things about the fine people at Rent a Car at the Place You Bought Your Car at. We aren't going to say those nice things here because there isn't enough room. In fact, there isn't enough room to write one nice thing.

Beto grab your Tech Deck and take your supplements. And your bug out bag. And your tools made out of bones. Don't forget your bones made out of tools. You'll also need a water filter, an air filter, coffee filters. The other items go without saying and if you need me to say it-you're not ready.

Hickory, Dickery, Docket. Ted Cruz is in your pocket.

I like to eat.

We couldn't do it without the troops or our sponsors at tellingonpeopleforthingsthatmildlyannoyyou.edu.com.net

Brought to you by the team at Go Bags.

This episode was not recorded from the high desert and great American Southwest.

We couldn't do it without our sponsors. They know who they are.

Thank you to the team at BMOOT for your support.

Sponsored by Tools Made Out of Bones.

The best butter salesman in the country.

The war for your mind rages on. The gay frogs have been called into battle.

One, two, three, four, I declare a mind war.