Mercy Not Sacrifice - Audiobook

Johnnie is back in St. Michael’s Church for Grandpa John’s funeral. During the homily of Simon the Priest he rises from his seat as Lore appears. On his way out of down the aisle he falls, but is picked back up by an old friend. Once in the lobby he still doesn’t have the escape that he needs and he goes into the church basement and into the bathroom. Behind the closed door he realizes that his hurt has came from himself. Lore’s haunting is his own doing, his cutting is his own action, and his retreat is causing his own harm. He makes a decision that changes the direction of his life.

Johnnie leaves his truck at Bay Area Paper and makes his way to the Golden Gate Bridge. On his way there he recalls the events that led him to that point. Inches from death Johnnie is saved by a State Trooper and a phone call from Ian.

The history of depression for the Carman family is linked and ties Grandpa John and Johnnie and Jeffrey together. Grandpa John’s suicide attempt in the truck is remembered while Jeffrey walks to the Gardenstown Railroad Bridge to attempt his own.

Grandpa John receives a buyout offer from Archie and Sam. Puzzled about what to do he recalls the early years and asks Simon the Priest for council on the matter. After a long conversation and a couple of beers Grandpa John decides that he will give the money to St. Michael’s School. A storm blows in off the Missouri River and beacons him back home where he falls weak and dies. With his few remaining seconds Jeffrey comes to his mind.

Jeffrey sits in religion class where Simon the Priest teaches on Matthew 11:28-30, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened...” After his life has become too much for him to bear Jeffrey makes up his mind to do something about it. At the end of the school day he sends his siblings home without him and he walks the opposite way towards what he thinks is mercy at the Gardenstown Bridge.

Johnnie drops Jesús off in Carson City and continues on through Nevada and into California. He passes through the small towns that mark the end of Rt. 50 into Sacramento and onto I-80 to the Bay Area. Crossing the two bridges into the city, the time that his parents spent in San Francisco is recalled. A conversation with Dr. Heiler is remembered when he asked, “What is it you’re holding on to?” It’s at Bay Area Paper that Johnnie leaves the truck behind with one last thing to do.

After almost crashing from lack of sleep Johnnie pulls into a truck stop to rest. Jesús goes to sleep in the top bunk and Johnnie goes inside for a shower where he can think about is San Francisco. Johnnie wakes up in the middle of the night after hearing his name called. Jesús suggests that he should respond to the one that is leading Johnnie outside for a cigarette full of memories.

Johnnie and Jesús continue down the road towards Carson City. Jesús explains why he needs to find Alejandro as Johnnie reveals the depths of his past. Jesús explains that forgiveness is hard, but is necessary as it gives more of a relief to the giver of it.

Johnnie returns home to his trailer and sinks into a depressed state. Seeking a way out he hurts himself and is haunted again by the memory of Lore. Running away from it all he decides to go to back to the only place where he feels at home — the road. On the way to San Francisco in the middle of Kansas he finds a new friend at just the right time.

Archie and Sam discuss the buying out of Grandpa John from the trucking business. Johnnie drives thru Gardenstown and visits his shut-in Mom where he is greeted by alcoholic dysfunction. He then drives out to his Dad’s country church where he meets a self-righteous judgement. Both parents serve to upset him and push him towards his own bitter conclusion of them and himself.

The Carman family has Thanksgiving Day dinner at Ian’s house, but the Patriarch of the family is missing. Archie brings up the future of the trucking company and suggests that Grandpa John should be removed from the business and Johnnie stands up for Grandpa John storming out of the house.

Grandpa John goes to the church rectory to ask Simon the Priest life’s greatest question. How does one live a good life? In response, Simon the Priest leads him around Gardenstown and together they give themselves in service to the community.

Johnnie and Jeffrey eat on some of Gardenstown’s finest fried food, but Johnnie’s enjoyment is cut short when Simon the Priest walks through the door.

Gardenstown’s best day of the week is Saturday and breakfast is it’s finest hour. Johnnie waits for his brother Ian as he takes in the morning. At the diner known as The Griddle he eats with his brother and has his eyes on a waitress named Jenny. Ian asks for Johnnie’s help with Jeffrey and Lore shows up unannounced and does not appreciate Johnnie’s interest in more than the diner’s food.

Johnnie returns to therapy with Dr. Heiler after many years away. Together they unravel what and who has been causing his pain as he learns that the true path to finding a way out is through being honest with himself. The session ends with an important realization.

Johnnie’s nephew Jeffrey experiences a traumatic episode at school and comes home to more of the same. At dinner his Dad and Mom fight and leave him to clean up the dishes and put his siblings to bed. Overwhelmed with responsibility he takes to drastic measures to relieve his pain.

Johnnie on summer break from high school works a day in the Carman Carrier shop with Grandpa John and Mike. He learns how to put together a driveshaft on a truck which leads him to understanding how a life should be put together. Grandpa John finds Johnnie smoking and tells him that he shouldn’t hide who he is or eventually he will hide from himself—as running from yourself tires even the best men.

Grandma Marta is admitted the hospital and all the Carman family shows up except for Grandpa John. In her last few moments, Uncle Sam places Grandpa John’s farewell not in her hand, and Lore reveals herself to Johnnie during the vulnerable time of his Grandmother’s death.

A picturesque day is remembered in Gardenstown. The day before Grandpa John’s funeral everything fits together. At the The Towne Flower Shoppe Wendy and Bette prepare flowers for the funeral as Wendy describes her fond memories of Grandpa John. Johnnie comes in the shop to make an order for the service.

A moment in time is remembered about an upcoming Thanksgiving from the Carman family past. Grandpa John’s young trucking business had suffered in the year of 1965 and he took it out on the easiest target available—Grandma Marta. He beats her unconscious and leaves to go out on the road and the three sons deal with the aftermath.

Johnnie Carman begins the narrative in the present tense as he sits in Island Park by the river just outside of Gardenstown with his wife and his two sons. He begins to tell the story of how he once was. Johnnie opens the past up at a scene at the funeral home and travels to St. Michael’s Church where Grandpa John’s funeral service begins.