Pillar Leaders | emotional intelligence and soft skills to transform leaders from average to awesome!

2020 is coming to a close and we've got some news and well wishes to share!

Want to outshine your competition at your next job interview? If so, this episode is for you.  Collectively our team has interviewed hundreds of people across our careers and we’ve compiled our best advice to help you thrive in your next interview. In this episode we discuss the secret and not-so-secret goals of interviews, the preparation you can do to answer each question successfully, and our tips for managing nerves to show the interviewer your best self. Tune in for the full conversation or enjoy the moments below: 3:00 - What people find most uncomfortable about interviewing 4:38 - The mindset shift to make around interviews 7:42 - Being nervous isn’t always a bad thing 10:46 - The secondary test of an interview 11:33 - Mike shares his tips for interviewing and managing nerves 12:01 - The acronym many interviewers use to frame their questions 16:04 - What the job description can teach you 18:27 - One of the skills interviewers are looking for 19:27 - How to speak to what you’re less good at 25:29 - Amelia’s biggest advice for interviews 30:22 - Know your “umbrella stories” 34:22 - Ways to manage nerves

When people are successful, we want to know their secret. It’s why there are so many books and articles on the habits that will lead to success. One of those secret hacks is having a morning routine. Despite what you may have read, this doesn’t mean waking up at 4am each day. What it does mean, is it's important to find something that works for you. In this episode we discuss why morning routines are important, how they can set you up to have a successful and productive day, and how you can start building your own routine. Tune in for the full conversation or enjoy the moments below: 1:50 - The core reason behind building routines 2:48 - How you can get around not being a “morning person” 4:18 - The goal of having a morning routine 4:31 - Why making your bed in the morning is recommended (and what it’s really about) 6:02 - How to balance routine with craving novelty 6:50 - The difference between variability and novelty 9:48 - What an old Roman expression has to do with routine 11:16 - Where novelty can sometimes go wrong 16:50 - How parenting impacts routines 23:16 - Start your morning routines at night 25:52 - Once you have the routine, what happens when it’s not available 27:41 - The end goal of triggering your routines

High performers crave development. So when they aren’t getting any feedback, or the only feedback they do get is vague and unhelpful, they usually get frustrated. The good news is, there are steps you can take to improve both the quantity and quality of the feedback you get. In this episode we talk in depth about how to respond to vague feedback, how to know what to action and what to leave behind, and what to do to start getting more helpful feedback. Tune in for the full conversation or enjoy the moments below:  3:52 - The danger in knowing you can improve, but no one telling you how 5:47 - The relationship between your title and the amount of feedback you receive 6:23 - When generic feedback is all you’re getting 7:18 - The reason why people give unhelpful feedback 8:51 - When you get negative feedback that you can’t action 11:47 - The 2 paths we take when someone gives us generic feedback 13:23 - The lesson to keep in mind: they are right, for them  18:52 - What to do with conflicting pieces of feedback 20:33 - Even when you crave feedback, not every piece needs to result in you changing 22:48 - How to respond to vague feedback and get more detail 28:43 - The 2 pieces for leaders to remember 29:18 - The best piece of advice Pili got on receiving bad feedback 30:66 - The steps and models for getting better feedback

It’s no secret that leaders need to influence their teams. Even if a leader isn’t good at that skill, it often feels more comfortable because the power dynamic is in their favour. It’s when that dynamic shifts - when a leader needs to influence up - that the stakes raise and their skills are truly tested. In this episode we discuss what gets in the way of developing this skill, how to think about influence, and what you can do to get better at influencing up. Tune in for the full conversation or enjoy the moments below: 1:54 - Why influencing up can be uncomfortable 4:18 - Why we aren’t taught this 5:21 - How this skill is the biggest differentiator, and why we get frustrated 7:34 - What influencing up tells you about your influence overall 9:58 - A good place to test this skill 12:10 - The key ways to think about influencing up 16:24 - How to get better at this skill 20:13 - The roadblocks that come with improving 23:01 - What to do when you don’t know what motivates someone 25:32 - The 2 sets of biases in these conversations 26:54 - Influence comes with time - don’t propose on the first date 29:41 - What to do when you’re influencing a stranger 34:40 - The main thing that stops us from influencing up well

The way we think about and filter information sets the foundation for how we experience the world around us. The problem is, most of that filtering happens without our conscious participation, and not all of it sets us up for success. In this episode we talk about one of our brain’s most common biases: confirmation bias. We discuss why it matters for resilience, what to consider with this bias when trying to lead and influence others, and the steps you can take to mitigate the negative effects of this bias.   Tune in for the full conversation or enjoy the moments below: 1:19 - Why talking about resilience involves biases 3:21 - Understanding the term ‘cognitive bias’ 5:41 - What confirmation bias is 8:00 - What makes this bias so sneaky and difficult to avoid 11:30 - How confirmation bias affects our resilience and can snowball our ‘negative’ feelings 15:06 - When this bias prevents us from finding common ground (and what to do about it) 16:27 - Apply “walk a mile in their shoes” to someone’s neurological pathways 17:42 - Why this makes influencing others difficult 19:00 - How this applies to our everyday actions 22:36 - The role of self-awareness in overcoming this bias 23:49 - Understanding the nuance of competing wants 25:34 - How to counteract the confronting nature of this bias 28:01 - Where confirmation bias is built into society 31:16 - The 3 steps you can start doing today to mitigate this bias

Most people would agree that the ability to motivate others is critical to leadership. Yet despite all the books and Ted Talks on this topic, it can still be a difficult skill for people to master.  In this episode we lean on the psychology of motivation and our own experience as leaders to break down the ways to view motivation, the steps to take to understand what motivates people, and what you can do to get better at this. Tune in for the full conversation or enjoy the moments below: 1:15 - Is there truth to ‘you can’t motivate people’? 4:25 - The different ways to look at motivation 6:08 - What motivation is at its simplest 8:22 - The key element to understand 9:10 - The first step in knowing how to motivate people 11:24 - What to do when you don’t know what motivates someone 12:14 - How we get in our own way 16:27 - The risk in uncovering motivators 17:20 - The two main skills in motivating 19:27 - When we use power to motivate others 20:09 - The role of external motivators 22:22 - When the “usual” motivators aren’t available 26:52 - The questions to ask and cues to listen for 32:30 - The skills within this skill 33:51 - Where you can start in getting better at this

Ever known you’ve needed to have a feedback conversation, and then immediately tried to talk yourself out of it because of how uncomfortable you feared it would be? That reaction is pretty normal! At the same time, the only way people can know that they need to improve, or to continue doing that thing they do so well, is through feedback. The trick is getting good at having the conversation. So in this episode we’ll talk about the most common mistakes people make when giving feedback, how to reframe your mindset around it, and the steps you can take to improve the quality of your feedback conversations. Tune in for the full conversation or enjoy the moments below: 2:13 - Why people avoid feedback so much 5:43 - The top reasons to push through the discomfort and have the conversation 9:09 - Thinking of feedback as the little nudges we need to keep on track 13:16 - Giving feedback can be what allows you to move from frustrated, to having an input  14:17 - Understanding what feedback is and isn’t (not covered immediately) 14:40 - The two areas where people falter most 16:59 - What a feedback conversation should be 22:18 - Start at your mindset 24:22 - The 3 stages of most human actions, and your role in those steps 26:45 - How to avoid getting into the “whose reality is most correct” wars 28:56 - 3 steps you can take immediately to improve your feedback conversation 35:23 - The mistakes we’ve made that you can learn from

Positive psychology, positive mindsets, and being a “positive person” has gained growing attention from both the public and researchers everywhere. Leaders will often be given and give the advice to “stay positive” - and, for good reason! In our last episode, we talked about the benefits of having a positive mindset and how to help others adopt one. In this conversation we’re going to explore the other side of positivity and how this inherently great thing can become detrimental. Tune in for the full conversation or enjoy the moments below: 1:52 - what we mean by a positive mindset 3:22 - why we don’t talk about positive mindsets as a bad thing 3:54 - what it looks like to take positivity too far 4:49 - why the “cheerleader approach” can draw backlash 7:11 - the impact positivity can have on your ability to build trust 8:57 - we assume positive people are approachable, but that’s only true if… 9:30 - when having a reputation as being a positive leader isn’t so great 12:12 - how being “all about positivity” towards others can become harmful 14:23 - the effect on others when you’re overskilled at resolving ‘negative’ emotions 19:10 - where this can live in our personal lives 21:26 - how pressure to be positive can become dangerous for ourselves 24:21 - the common place where staying positive is challenging for leaders 25:34 - the impact on others when we take positivity too far 25:52 - what studies have shown about hope 30:46 - the cognitive dissonance that comes from unmet expectations 32:29 - how you can find the balance in negativity and positivity

If you’ve ever worked in a negative environment, you’ll know how important a positive mindset is, particularly for leaders. It’s an easy enough concept to grasp and adopt when things are going well, but when things are going badly and your team is feeling it, maintaining positivity can be difficult. There’s a balance between realism and positivity that isn’t always talked about, yet is critically important. This episode is part 1 of a 2-part conversation. In this episode we discuss what we mean by a “positive mindset,” the 3 key characteristics of it, and how you can help both yourself and your team maintain a positive mindset- especially when everything around you seems negative. Tune in for the full conversation or enjoy the moments below: 1:27 - What we mean by ‘positive mindset’ 2:11 - The 3 distinct characteristics of a positive mindset 3:48 - Why this matters for leadership 6:04 - Why we sometimes have an immediate rejection of a positive mindset 6:38 - The fundamental belief you can lean on 8:12 - Pili’s story of turning a large team around from negativity to hope 17:01 - The psychology behind being the lone voice of positivity 20:04 - Looking at the mindset analytically 20:32 - How to spread positivity through the team 23:05 - One of the most important pieces of a positive mindset, and its biggest threat 24:01 - A lesson from a baseball pitch brought to leadership 31:44 - How to spread hope so that people hear it 33:37 - The importance of personal stories to keep your mindset up

Often when people want to develop as leaders, they start by asking their trusted friends and colleagues what leadership books are best. But with tens of thousands of leadership books in existence, it can still be difficult to know where to start, or what to prioritise.  As a team who has helped dozens of companies build out their leadership and development programs, we decided to have a discussion on our top 3 skills, and debate whose list was best. Tune in for the full conversation or enjoy the moments below: 1:59 - Mike shares his top 3 8:43 - Pili shares his top 3 13:09 - Amelia shares her top 3 19:00 - The difference between the skills you start developing and the “most important” skills 20:44 - Which skills to lean on first 22:04 - The skills that almost made our lists but didn’t, and why 22:29 - Where you are in your leadership journey affects the top skills

In a world where being authentic is becoming more and more valued in leadership, it’s gotten easier for some to argue that being able to control emotions is perhaps less important than it once was. However it only takes seeing someone explode with rage once to understand that at least a bit of emotional control still matters. In this episode we’ll discuss the link between emotional control and trust, when controlling emotions can feel inauthentic, and how to develop this as a skill. Tune in for the full conversation or enjoy the moments below: 1:36 - Why controlling our emotions is an important skill 2:24 - Using ‘authenticity’ as an excuse 3:46 - The two sides of the discussion to consider 5:01 - The role of pattern recognition and why it matters 7:02 - What it actually means when people say “control your emotions” 8:00 - The two key functions of emotions 10:09 - How are your emotions affecting your goals? 12:28 - How being prepared can help 19:32 - Is there justification in calling ‘controlling our emotions’ inauthentic? 26:46 - Pushing down the emotion vs. resolving it 27:30 - The opportunity for leaders in this skill 28:48 - How you get good at controlling your emotions

Having a great culture matters. To build a culture that allows team members to be at their best - during both good and challenging times - can feel overwhelming! But culture doesn’t have to be complicated. In this episode we share our experiences of building great culture, and dig into why having a resilient culture matters, the common mistakes leaders make that cause lasting damage to a culture, and the steps for building a successful one that lasts.   Tune in for the full conversation or enjoy the moments below: 2:03 - Why focusing on a strong culture matters 4:27 - Why we aren’t good at thinking of culture when hard times hit 5:14 - Do you only think about culture when it goes wrong? 6:53 - The most common mistakes people make when trying to fix a broken culture 8:45 - Where things go wrong when building a culture 15:34 - Case study of when your implicit promises and explicit actions don’t align 20:28 - Should you let the culture happen organically or build it intentionally? 26:20 - What if this sounds hard 28:45 - Why the last time you took a vacation matters when it comes to culture 32:23 - The 3 steps to always come back to

Most people who are passionate about growing their careers have a development plan. It usually includes skills like ‘influencing others,’ ‘strategic thinking,’ ‘change management’ just to name a few. Somehow, ‘resilience’ doesn’t usually make the list. In this episode we discuss why resilience gets overlooked, and why it’s critical to the success of every leader. Tune in for the full conversation or enjoy the moments below: 1:17 - Have you seen ‘resilience’ on someone’s development plan? 4:53 - How resilience impacts everything else 6:08 - Thinking of resilience like a shield 9:22 - Developing resilience during tough times 11:52 - When we don’t understand the skill we view it differently  14:21 - How not seeing the “struggle” means we don’t see the skill 21:55 - Why resilience should be on your development plan 26:37 - How resilience can get you noticed 28:30 - The question that differentiates people who are resilient and people who aren’t 34:12 - “I put resilience on my development plan, now what?”

If you’ve been on a plane you’ve heard the safety instructions, “put on your oxygen mask before assisting other people.” And if you’ve been a leader you’ve likely heard “it’s all about the team.” So which is it in times of crisis? In this episode we discuss which to prioritise and how, so that you can be the leader people need at the time they need you most. Tune in for the full conversation or enjoy the moments below: 1:20 - Taking care of others isn’t always a selfless act 2:35 - When caring for others becomes a problem 4:38 - How the answer to this question is different in a crisis 9:52 - The cup analogy 13:26 - When helping others becomes procrastination 17:01 - The “self-focused” approach to helping others 22:42 - How having paradoxical beliefs can help 23:50 - “But I don’t have time” 28:58 - The interview question that changed Pili’s perspective on time 31:12 - Our favourite micro-recoveries

We’ve all been there. That moment when stress takes over and turns us into that version of ourselves that we wish we had more control over. It doesn’t take many of these to learn the damage they can inflict on the way our leadership is viewed, our relationships, and the trust people have in us.   In this episode, we’ll discuss the actions you can take to improve your ability to remain calm, cool and collected in the moment and not let your emotions get the best of you.   Tune in for the full conversation or enjoy the moments below:   1:13 - Why this matters, and how it can impact you 1:54 - The importance of closing the gap between self-awareness and emotional control 5:51 - “Fake it til you make it” by starting with you outward composure (and how haunted houses can help) 7:40 - Break down your internal versus external expression of stress 9:57 - Using discomfort training: embracing the uncomfortable emotions so that you can get better at managing them 11:12 - The importance of practicing this in controlled spaces 12:18 - To manage stress “go micro” on your own reactions 13:43 - Move away from the emotion by engaging more of your brain 14:55 - The more self-awareness we have, the faster we can take control of our bandwidth 19:35 - Recognize your own fight or flight reaction 21:44 - How to choose between being genuine and letting emotions fly, and being yourself and controlled 24:04 - Why we shouldn’t “check our emotions at the door” 24:39 - Balance authenticity with your goal

The resilience strategies that work best for us are unique to each individual. It’s the personalization of the plans that make them so effective. The problem is that when you’re first building your resilience strategies, it can be difficult to know where to start. That’s why for this episode your hosts share the moments that have tested their resilience most, and their go-to strategies that help them bounce back quickly. Tune in for the full conversation or enjoy the moments below: 0:55 - What is resilience 1:29 - Resilience looks different for all of us 3:36 - Finding your own strategies isn’t about memorization, it’s mind-modeling 6:54 - Pili’s top resilience strategies 14:40 - The importance of micro-recoveries 16:00 - Amelia’s resilience strategies 19:20 - The art of time slicing 25:01 - Dr. Mike’s resilience strategies 33:24 - How psychological inertia can get you out of funks Enjoyed the conversation? Come join our Facebook group where we share all tips resilience: https://www.facebook.com/groups/PillarLeaders/

We need our resilience now more than ever. Not only to protect our mental health during social isolation, but to be able to lead our teams through Covid-19. Yet for most of us, the strategies we would have used before the pandemic are now greatly limited. This means that everywhere people are needing to come up with new plans that work, fast. In this episode we’ll discuss why it’s so important that we adapt, how the need for our strategies will change overtime, and how you can adapt your own resilience strategies. Disclaimer: Working from home gifted us some technical challenges! We believed this conversation was an important one to have out in the world, so we are publishing it, audio warts and all! Tune in for the full conversation or enjoy the moments below: 0:13 - Why is resilience so important right now? 1:42 - What do we mean by resilience? 2:46 - What’s at stake? 7:27 - What can we do for our resilience? 8:33 - The phases our resilience will go through 12:01 - Why our resilience strategies are needing to change 15:26 - What happens if we don’t adapt our strategies 16:09 - Using routine as a strategy 19:47 - What resilience does to our cognitive functioning 22:54 - How each of us are changing our own resilience strategies 30:37 - What you can do to improve your personal resilience

During this Covid-19 (or Coronavirus) era, people all over the world are being forced to work from home which is creating many newly remote teams. This means that more than ever, a team's trust in each other will be one of the biggest determining factors of their success. In this episode we discuss how to build trust and help ensure your team thrives through the transition to remote work. Tune in for the full conversation, or enjoy the moments below: 0:45 - Why is trust so important for teams working from home? 4:25 - What is trust? 6:05 - What makes trust difficult when you switch into working remotely? 8:21 - Why trust gets harder in the face of change and uncertainty? 11:47 - What happens to our trust when things are under threat 15:51 - How our best intentions can steer us wrong 16:54 - What building trust looks like in remote teams 25:41 - Why setting expectations is so important 30:03 - The danger in slipping into old habits vs being intentional 36:10 - The importance of creating predictability 38:14 - “What if I just don’t believe that working from home can work?”