Nerd Poker

Well, now that the little nightmare worm is in a jar, it's time we got some rest. The question is- since all beds thus far are either assassin traps or muddy spots on the ground- where? And the big question looms- do we kill the interplanar priestess, go for one last score, or risk both?  For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker . For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

Finally our crew of sneaky thieves get to see what's behind the tinkerer's door, and wouldn't you know it, it's horrifying. Will we get to use the combat grid, or will we just feel attacked emotionally? For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker . For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

As the crew enters into the deceased gnome tinkerer's workshop, it appears ol' Nimblenubbin had some dark secrets to hide. Not the least of which- this looks like Brian's college apartment. Luckily Brian's player character has otherworldly sleight of hand bonuses!  For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker . For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

Our crew is meeting up with Maude Nimblenubbin to try to make peace. Which will be difficult given that we killed her husband, or as one of us asks- "We didn't do anything to her husband, did we?" Perhaps this will also provide some kind of lead towards... "The Priestess." For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker . For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

The murderer! We may have just cornered Gnome Jack the Ripper, AND Dan is mutating Ken again. The kind of classic Nerd Poker shenanigans you know and love. But do we keep the murder harness? Or are those too hard to sell? For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker . For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

Our heist crew has done it, and escaped the abandoned temple with major loot. Sure they're locked in a shack in Soggytown, which sounds like the world's creepiest country song, but they're on their way to sell their spoils to the Thieve's Guild as soon as they can get through the murder fog. For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker . For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

It seems like a pretty standard treasure room with a gigantic heretic god's statue staring dead-eyed at everyone. So it's time to grab the super chill astral plane skeleton and book it out of here!  For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker . For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

Of COURSE the treasure vault has three gelatinous detritus tubes full of toothed leviathan tongues. What podcast did you think this was, anyway? We now take you to a party of scrawny detectives trying to wade through walls of plasmatic murder. For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker . For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

We delve into the ancient sahuagin where things start off very Giger-y and fillopian-y. There may be undead fish people, ancient mud leviathans, and other classic things that happen with failed saving throws. Can we get some sick loot without Dan turning one of us inside out?! For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker . For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.  

There's a bit of unpleasantness with this bounty hunter to deal with, hopefully everything is chill now that we spared his life. The whole ruining of his reputation is probably no big deal right? Then its off to investigate a way to our next vault heist, and to suffer a deeply unsettling, or depending on your feelings perhaps adorable, cascade of Kua-toa NPC voices. For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker . For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

Assassin our assin! The crew hunts down, corners, and puts the smack down on this drow bounty hunter, AKA Dan's bastard of a drow #632. Hopefully he'll explain himself and we can get to our next heist! For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker . For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

The antics return to Brian's dining room, where the drow bounty hunter is now the hunted. Will he escape through the fog or be brought into brutal submission and be interrogated? We all know how cool drow are, so he's probably just a chill dude who will get away. For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker . For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.  

It's time to strut out of the thieves guild and take a breather at the inn. Yeah yeah yeah we might have a target on our backs because we blew up the giant house of Dellsmouth's crankiest creep, but it's time to eat omlettes and probably maybe hopefully not get jumped! For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker . For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

Wooo we have a gnome mech and blew up a mansion! Time to sell some loot and celebrate. Hopefully we haven't upset the natural order of things too much and none of the other rich people in town are like, suspicious or whatever. Time to go dump that babysitting job on the Thieve's Guild! They'll love it!  For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker . For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

We will be right back to The Fog Campaign and are recording tomorrow, but Brian unfortunately lost a dog the only day we could record, and we needed some time. Thank you everyone for supporting the show on Patreon- it keeps the show going and we really appreciate it.

Well, now that we are straight up annihilating the mansion, tactics shall change. It is time to drop the facade of robbery and pretend we are heroes! At least we probably should given that we are brawling in the exploded foyer and some people probs noticed. For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker . For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

Now that the two magic swords are secure, it's time to bust out of this old drow's mansion with the spoils. Bust out through- well let's see- the back door guarded by cursed statues, the windows protected by death wards, the basement we flooded with the entire ocean- or hey what could POSSIBLY be the downside of just marching back out the front door? For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker . For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

It's time to dust our hands off and go all in on looting this wine cellar! A big old treasure chest is only a door away! But uh, what's all this with the kobolds? One of them blew up trying to break in or something? Maybe we meditate on that for a moment... or maybe it would be chill to just charging ahead without worrying about it. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker

Now that we are past that pesky gargoyle it's time to loot the wine cellar! But lo, the most terrifying D&D monster of them all lurks around every corner-- DOORS. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker

An update and apology from Brian!

It's time to sneak below the city and see what it's like to join A FACTION! A thieve's guild at that. Perhaps we can get a better sense of how dangerous Fenn the thief is this way, or better yet we can break into that drow mansion TONIGHT! For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker

We're casing the drow manor, but damned if it isn't actually rather difficult to break into. A rival taunts Lil' Peepers? Sounds like it's time to pick locks and break hearts! And yes, Blaine will honor his cat persona.  For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker

Everyone is safe, but we are unavailable to meet up as the Los Angeles fires are creating a lot of evacuation zones. There will be no recording this week but we can't wait to be back! Sorry, everyone. 

Our festive millionaire ghost murdering adventure reaches its end, with plenty of violence and class war for all! We will return to our regularly scheduled campaign next week. Thank you for hanging out with us over the holidays! For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker  

Time to murder billionaires in a fantasy setting! The Nerd Poker Christmas Carol continues, with Willy Crackits and his murder crew slaying the ghosts of three eerily familiar psychopaths, each with a vague realism to them for some unspeakable reason. Enjoy Part 2 of 3 in our holiday interlude! For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker

Since the holiday scheduling was frightful, but the vibe was still delightful, so to dodge a content hole, let it roll, let it roll, let it roll! Famous thief and murderer Willy Crackits has done some foul deeds in his time, and the ghosts of millionaires are coming for revenge! And we know what to do with evil millionaires, right gang? Willy's murder crew will happily help him dispatch these ghouls of past, present, and future. Enjoy Part 1 of 3!  For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker

You didn't think we'd just go to bed without getting into some nefarious nonsense, did you? As the tavern party wanes, the crew decides to case the drow mansion and see whether this whole "talking gargoyle" gambit is necessary. Along the way they see their first generally hostile NPCs, and realize the fog makes both for good cover and difficult recon. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker

Merriment hath ensued at The Pasted Almond tavern, until a little fish person walks in. Will Goffrey Spicoli have second thoughts about stealing that minotaur's pocketwatch? As the misty plot thickens, will the gang formulate their sword heist? For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker

Our band of thieves and detectives meet their patron Thelonious Pepperstep, also known as Lil' Peepers, and begin their journey into the town of Dellsmouth and into the tavern The Pasted Almond. And we all know the best form of fun in a haunted town is- why, pickpocketing of course! At least one fortune begins to take shape- can you tell which? For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker  

A brand new adventure begins! We explore the haunted (foggy) seaside town of Dellsmouth and run into an almost-friendly fortune teller named Glendale, at her shop The Galleria! Glendale is portrayed by special guest, comedian Jenny Zigrino, who breaks out some real tarot cards and gives the characters fortunes that will actually influence their in-game experience. Get ready for some spooky horror in a new season of Nerd Poker!  For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker

It's the big finale of The Mountain Campaign. Not everyone survives. Some of them do. Some of them sort-of survive. Everyone gets a freeze frame, cut to credits. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker

Things are looking grim for our fearless Equaler, not to mention a suddenly very squashed Glibbles. But Bael is falling apart, and Kaiju Pishposh is holding it together. Perhaps there is still a chance! For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker

Things are looking grim for The Equaler as he wanders the labryith within Bael. And the rest of our crew continue to hack at Bael's outer parts. Oh consecutive final boss fights, it can't ever be easy can it?  For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker  

Whoopsie doodle, our fearless leader is trapped inside the minotaur demon Bael and is fighting for control. Meanwhile everyone else is kinda just trying to murder the hell out of Bael. Hopefully that ends well, because this is definitely the last leg of the final battle and it would be a shame to splatter the leader. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker

So uh... if you banish a dragon to another dimension (another dimension, another dimension) then it stands to reason that there will be no consequences. So we should consider this all done! No way anything weird will still happen despite all the infinite death at play! For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

Well now we are probably going to wrap up this lil dragon fight, right? Hmm. Well... probably? Oh wait what did we just do?! For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

Commence Operation: Pillar Babies! Ok we don't call it that within the episode, but the plan is to make pillars collapse around Furlknott the topaz dragon while he investigates his phony baloney non-babies. The big boss fight continues! For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

Now that we have the world's creepiest lure technique in place (Sarah pretending to be an abused baby dragon) we might just have a fighting chance! As long as Glibbles doesn't botch 10-20 times.  For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

Here we go! It's Mordecair's Marauders* against Furlknott the topaz dragon. The setting: an abandoned village called Ferrentown. The crew: well one of them is a dracolich prone to madness now, so that probably won't end well. But other than that pretty cool stuff! Coming soon to our Patreon supporters and eventually Instagram: photos of the dragon on a stick being dangled over the party's miniatures. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.  

Welcome to the final confrontation! We could lay down traps to ensnate Furlnott, prepare long-range weaponry, or- hear us out- maybe we will just leave mutatated Pishposh to die and run away. That would be totally normal, right? Glibbles is into it, anyway. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

The reached the top of the mountain, only to make things weird, then weirder, then seriously wtf did they just do to Pishposh? Now that a possibly much more deadly dragon than Glutt is on the way, it sure would be a bad time for one of the heroes to turn into a puddle of goo! For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

Now that it's time to rest, a real plan will surely hatch. Soon Furlnott the topaz draon will return and everything will be fine because- well we aren't sure what Pishposh is doing exactly, but it's probably great!  For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.  

Ken's roll at the end of the last episode turns out to be even wilder than everyone expected, and the dragon confrontation ends up weirder than anyone could have predicted (except maybe a couple of players who hint at some of it). Will THE EQUALER put the wyrms in their place?! For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

Well it's time to tidy up that slightly messy situation we're in. Pishposh just have to free the impossibly trapped Topaz dragon (that Pishposh trapped) and the rest of the crew just has to smash the eggs that they probably need Pishposh's staff to smash. Hopefully nobody mean shows up to interrupt anyone! For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.  

Pishposh will now make a solo attempt to recruit a gem dragon (nbd) while everyone else lies to Glutt and makes a mad dash for the village. Surely the village can defend itself and lend help to the party! Well wait-how well defended was it the last time we were there? Uh oh. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

We are back! Blaine and Sarah are ready for action, but for this and the next episode they had to Zoom call into Brian's dining room, as they got sick a second time in a row. But we couldn't wait any longer to get you an adventure! It's time to get down to some dragon deception, and stop those haunted Glutt eggs from hatching.  For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

Apologies for the lateness, we all caught COVID and need time to heal before playing in person.  We did record Patreon bonuses, those are on the way!

Alright alright alright, we're almost at the nest of the dragon Glutt sooooo- let's talk about what (and who) to destroy!  For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

We're JUUUUUUUST about done tidying up this whole acid river / acidfalls business, with the top of Mount Dooks only a quick trip upwards. As long as this bone naga doesn't hypnotize anyone again, which it is definitely going to try and do, we just may survive. That's even better than "not a TPK!" As usual, Glibbles falls down. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.    

Well we just might kill some of the damned acid monsters ruining our dragon-murder parade! A second waterfall is played in, and probably nobody is dropped in the death river. Again. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.  

The leisurely river cruise everyone signed up for continues to be interrupted by a bunch of very rude monsters trying to murder everyone, and a certain NPC face-plants in some blooms of acid flora. Oh, and RIP to Dave the Quaggoth. You were the worst, but you were a real one. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.