Porcelain Travels

Matthew decides to right a horrible wrong from his past: never having gone to a Turkish bath when he lived in Turkey, he’s going to one in Morocco. An experience he will never forget. Excerpted from Matthew’s one-man show, Porcelain Travels Live, recorded live in San Francisco as part of the Marsh Theater’s Monday Night Marsh series in March 2019. Excerpted from Matthew’s live one-man show, Porcelain Travels Live, recorded live in San Francisco as part of the Marsh Theater’s Monday Night Marsh series in March 2019.

Matthew’s tiny seventh-floor apartment had a top-to-bottom view of the Eiffel Tower. What it did not have was a bathroom. That didn’t stop him from bathing, taking advantage of an ingenious albeit bizarre - and not altogether functional - setup. Excerpted from Matthew’s one-man show, Porcelain Travels Live, recorded live in San Francisco as part of the Marsh Theater’s Monday Night Marsh series in March 2019.

Matthew couldn’t go to Egypt without taking a boat down the Nile—a trip that did not end well. Excerpted from the one-man show, Porcelain Travels Live, recorded live in San Francisco as part of the Marsh Theater’s Monday Night Marsh series in March 2019.

Matthew’s refuge high in the Barcelona sky is not only minuscule, it’s set up in a way that he’s never seen before - or since. Excerpted from Matthew’s one-man show, Porcelain Travels Live, recorded live in San Francisco as part of the Marsh Theater’s Monday Night Marsh series in March 2019.

When Matthew’s friend comes to visit him in Paris, she is stunned by his living situation. Given her disgust at his little studio, it’s ironic - and problematic - when she herself contributes to its demise. Excerpted from the story “The Bin and the Bomb.” Recorded live at San Francisco’s Stranger Than Fiction reading series on May 5, 2019.

Trapped on a bus in the middle of Anatolia, Matthew really, really had to go to bathroom. When the bus showed no signs of stopping and he became desperate, he realized he also had to get creative. Recorded live at San Francisco’s Lit Crawl on October 20, 2018.

Weeks in McDonald’s. Seven flights of stairs. A rubber bin instead of a shower. At least the apartment had a top-to-bottom view of the Eiffel Tower. Just the beginning of what was to prove a very unorthodox living experience in the City of Lights. Excerpted from the story, "The Bin and the Bomb."

Never having gone to a hammam when he lived in Istanbul, Matthew decides to visit one in Morocco. If only he hadn't agreed to the massage. Note: This episode also appears in the "Short Stories of Misadventures in Morocco" podcast.

Shortly after his arrival in Valletta, the capital of the Mediterranean nation of Malta, Matthew falls face-first onto his bed. When he's awoken at 5:00 AM, it has nothing to do with jet lag--and it's only by getting very creative that he manages to find a way (and a place) to fall back asleep.  An unforgettable reminder to always think outside the box.

A boulder that's alive. Creatures that come out after dark. In this story within a story, Matthew describes his arrival at a small house in an isolated mountain village in Andalusia (southern Spain) and at his friend's apartment in Palm Springs--both of which present similar nightmarish challenges.

First published in his "Short Stories of Misadventures in Morocco" podcast, in this story Matthew tells the rest of what happened the night of his first arrival in Tangier. Still shaken from his nightmarish walk from the port, when he goes to relieve himself in his hotel, Matthew overlooks something essential—and discovers he has one more daunting obstacle to face, before he can call it a night. An unforgettable tale, not for the squeamish.

Standing in his friend's bathroom in Copenhagen, Matthew is beyond confused to discover that he can't find the shower. Brushing his teeth proves to be almost as mystifying a conundrum.

Matthew is introduced by legendary travel writer Don George at this live reading performed on 2/15/18 at Weekday Wanderlust at the Mystic Hotel in San Francisco. Matthew performs his story about an experience gone horribly awry at a urinal in Eastern Europe.