Adoptive Family Success Podcast

Yolanda discusses the very real and very common concern of those adopting a baby, child. She talks about why one may feel this way and what types of things, actions you can choose to do. Very much in her truth teller, relief giving way.

Anxiety about school and meeting expectations seems to be an epidemic for our children, and for parents! Being through this with her two now young adult children, Yolanda shares the guidelines, the tips, she came up with through years of on the job practice, successes and mistakes.

In this episode, Yolanda discusses what all parents dread, those really difficult questions from their child. As parents, we sometimes feel uncomfortable answering sensitive questions and as parents by adoption, we often don’t have the answers or we’re concerned that the answer may hurt our child. Yolanda breaks down the reality and gives some sound advice and perspective.

Yolanda strongly suggests these topics that will help you in your parenting. Help you have a better relationship with your child. Help you understand your child better and as your child matures, help him understand himself better. Makes for a long term benefit.

Yolanda gets real and puts some perspective, some clarity, and some transparency about this often asked question when adoption is considered. Finish this episode and feel much better about this concern.

Yolanda speaks from personal experience and her work with hundreds of families in open adoptions and considering open adoptions. She suggests realistic and reasonable ways for birth family and adoptive family to grow positive relationships for the health of their child and other members.

Yolanda talks about a question she gets from those considering adoption, a concern that is very hard for many to admit is a serious barrier. Yolanda will get real with her answers and what she often expresses to those that have the courage to ask. Let’s get it out in the open and stop acting as if this is not a concern, completely non-judgmental.

The idea of updating your adoption agency/staff, authorities in your international adoption, attorney, home study provider, state/county staff, on the journey of your child is such a brilliant idea. This is not a new idea, something parents have been doing for ages. The reminder in the Facebook page of Families with Children from China is a valuable reminder to all of us that this provides real information from real families on how adoptive families are doing.

Such a common concern for those adopting and already parenting a child, whether their first child was by birth or adoption. In this episode, Yolanda Comparan provides a follow up to Episode 88. You will feel much more comfortable about this concern after this short episode.

Anxiety seems to be a common experience, sometimes a formal diagnosis with our children by adoption. Yolanda suggests 5 actions adoptive parents can do, have within their control, to help teach our children to manage, relieve stress.

A common question from those considering adoption is “will I love a child not biologically related to me.” Yolanda answers this question. She discusses the realities of love for your new child and you’re bound to feel better after this short episode!

Yolanda discusses actions that can lead to a healthy adopted child and adoptive family. These are patterns, commonalities identified in her work with clients and her community participation.

High recommendation for the new book by Bessel Van Der Kolk MD., The Body Keeps the Score. This episode is for those considering adoption or in the process of adoption. Yolanda see’s clear benefits to learning of trauma and its impact on brain, body, and behavior. These benefits include; understand your child better and avoid stuck in yuck, anger and despair; clearer understanding of how to help your child heal and create healthy relationships; and healing for yourself if you have experienced trauma.

Yolanda shares high praise about Van Der Kolk’s new book, The Body Keeps the Score. This incredibly valuable book trauma and its impact and imprint on the brain and body. It is an absolute must for those parenting by adoption and really anyone impacted by trauma themselves or anyone who cares for someone with a trauma history.

Yolanda explores the shared discussion of adoptive parents, the influence of Nature, birth family hereditary impact. Yolanda strongly endorses identifying the gifts and passions that come from this influence and being thankful that our children possess this influence from birth family.

This is a follow up to episode 81. Yolanda discusses what she had noticed in writing the notes for episode 81 that the people she knows that have yet to deal with their trauma are very competent, overly competent in areas of their life that are more obvious to the world, while their more private areas of their life are in shambles. She also mentions benefits to recovery.

In Brene Brown’s newest book she discusses Van der Kolk’s book, The Body Keeps the Score and this prompted Yolanda to discuss parent’s neglect of their own trauma experiences. Yolanda mentions her own healing from trauma that she discusses more fully in episode 81 and strongly suggests that perspective parents can be better parents, healthier parents, if they deal with their own trauma.

In Brene Brown’s newest book she discusses Van der Kolk’s book, The Body Keeps the Score and this prompted Yolanda to discuss parents’ neglect of their own trauma experiences and need for healing, while they are supported their children’s healing. Yolanda shares her own physical and mental consequences of not healing her trauma and the potential cost to others in not resolving their trauma.

This episode is a follow up review of episode #78. Yolanda discusses the agreement that the need for post adoption services and transition services is huge, and rarely exists in an organized manner. She strongly states that it is our (parents) responsibility to set up post adoption services for our family and recommends three ways in which to do just that. Adoptive Family Success Podcast provides support, tips, resources, practical steps and complete honesty and directness for those that are considering adoption, in the process of adopting or parenting by adoption. Each episode is designed to give you strategies and realistic steps to build your family by adoption and strengthen your family created by adoption. Yolanda believes those that are willing to do the work, with critical knowledge and support, can create the family of their dreams through adoption. Yolanda Comparan, the host, delivers one episode each week for prospective adoptive parents and one episode each week for those already parenting by adoption. International adoption, foster to adopt, infant adoption and kinship adoption are included in AFSP.

Yolanda does a take-off of a quote from Danielle LaPorte, inspirational speaker. She discusses the reasons that getting what we and our children need to heal sooner, rather than later is best. She outlines 10 ways in which to do this and guidelines on when to access help.   Adoptive Family Success Podcast provides support, tips, resources, practical steps and complete honesty and directness for those that are considering adoption, in the process of adopting or parenting by adoption. Each episode is designed to give you strategies and realistic steps to build your family by adoption and strengthen your family created by adoption. Yolanda believes those that are willing to do the work, with critical knowledge and support, can create the family of their dreams through adoption. Yolanda Comparan, the host, delivers one episode each week for prospective adoptive parents and one episode each week for those already parenting by adoption. International adoption, foster to adopt, infant adoption and kinship adoption are included in AFSP.

Yolanda suggests four ways in which adoption and marriage are similar and one really profound way they should not be similar. Yolanda also discusses “re-homing” and how to make the movement of a child to another family healthier for all involved, especially the child. Episode #80 is a follow up to this episode.   Adoptive Family Success Podcast provides support, tips, resources, practical steps and complete honesty and directness for those that are considering adoption, in the process of adopting or parenting by adoption. Each episode is designed to give you strategies and realistic steps to build your family by adoption and strengthen your family created by adoption. Yolanda believes those that are willing to do the work, with critical knowledge and support, can create the family of their dreams through adoption. Yolanda Comparan, the host, delivers one episode each week for prospective adoptive parents and one episode each week for those already parenting by adoption. International adoption, foster to adopt, infant adoption and kinship adoption are included in AFSP.  

In this episode Yolanda takes you through a simple formula, that you can customize to your family, to find the Best Fit professionals in each of the many times you need specific expertise for your family.

Yolanda reviews the basic of attachment as well as how to move forward in your research.

Yolanda shares what she has learned and applied from Brene Brown’s newest book, Rising Strong. She discusses how this applies to the really difficult times we often have in our families and the necessity of the messy middle.

Yolanda shares her story of her original HS provider and how she didn’t like Yolanda. She shares considerations when concerned about this possibility and suggested actions to take if in fact you discover your HS provide actually does not like you.

Yolanda talks about the two categories of difficulties many of our children experience once they walk in the house after a school day. She suggests ways to reduce these meltdowns for the benefit of our child and our families.

Yolanda talks about basics of Adoption Profiles, tips on what to do and not do while building your unique adoption profile and 8 things that expectant parents considering adoption will look for in an adoption profile.

Yolanda discusses some of the primary parenting changes she would do differently, mostly having to do with her, not her children. She comes to these very important realizations now that her children are young adults.

Yolanda makes strong recommendations for the transition period of having your new child home. She starts with the 10 days prior to your child’s arrival.

Yolanda discusses the not often admitted topic of being uncomfortable, intimidated or threatened by our child’s relationship with birth family members. She proposes three ways to think differently to reduce the negative feelings and see birth family as supports and advocates.

What you can do in advance to make sure you’re as prepared as possible when you get that wonderful call.  

Yolanda suggests 7 actions you can take early on if your young child is having concerning and or disruptive behavior in his new school environment

Yolanda discusses 5 common reasons an existing home study would not transfer to another agency or method of adoption, and the rally important reason you don’t want your home study to transfer.

Yolanda provides two definitions of micro aggressions, a concept and practice she has recently discovered. She also gives examples of micro aggressions and poses questions about the impact on our children.

Yolanda explains what kinship adoption is, the advantages of kinship adoption, the challenges of kinship adoption and great suggestions when considering adopting a family member.

Yolanda discusses the problem of thinking of our children as “trophies” and the actions of one ups man ship that some parents involve themselves, including Yolanda. She strongly suggests what to do instead.

Yolanda explains the common practice of concurrent planning in foster care and what it may mean for you if you plan to do foster to adopt.

Yolanda cautions parents about what they pass on to their children about birth parents. Seemingly neutral comments can sound very harsh when coming from a child and because children, teens and young adults are doing their identity work, what you say about birth parents can impact the youth’s identity.

Yolanda has been talking to many people who are being told they need to be “therapeutic parents”. She reviews very important primer bullet points about what it means to be a therapeutic parent.

Yolanda discusses the very important benefits/reasons to access a trained and experienced adoption professional when increasing contact between adoptive family and birth family.

Yolanda talks about why a psychological assessment and report would be requested when a home study is being conducted. Yolanda also suggests ways to make sure that you access and provide what is being asked of you. A brief explanation of one common assessment tool, the MMPI, is provided.

Yolanda discusses basics about Hyper Vigilance and the impact on our adopted children. She also cautions what else it can look like, how it can impact our child’s life three suggestions on how to help our children with exhausting Hyper Vigilance.

Yolanda suggests 5 things you can do today to help you understand what is will be like to parent a child of color. These five suggestions, if followed, will bring you huge steps towards being the parent you want to be to your new child and the parents your child needs.

Yolanda acknowledges that fathers often feel they are not the primary parents, and sometimes they are right. What Yolanda reinforces is the very strong importance and influence fathers have in their child's life, even when they don't realize it.

Yolanda discusses WHY Love is Not Enough when parenting our very complex kids and what to do instead to help your new family be successful. If you take the advice Yolanda provides, you will feel much more prepared when your child comes home.

Yolanda shares a unique way to look at the role of parents as “containers” to help their children heal.

Yolanda answers the simple question, yet confusing answers to what fees are associated with adopting a baby with an agency or an attorney.

Yolanda explains the little shared phenomenon of attraction between uniting birth family members and suggests ways in which to avoid this occurrence    

Yolanda shares the joys of adopting a teen as well as the differences then adopting a younger child.