American academic, speaker and author
Connecting Couples Podcast: Series: Pursuers and Withdrawers Episode 10: Why This Is So Hard First 5 minutes: Wrapping up this series and tying all the pieces together. Getting both sides, the Pursuers and the Withdrawers to recognize they both get hijacked by a deeper thing that is at play. Quick recap of TEMP. This acrostic created by EFT Therapist George Faller describes the Appraisal Theory, which is how our body processes emotion. TEMP is- TRIGGER is something I notice that sends my body a message that our connection is being threatened. Then I feel an EMOTION that picks up the threat and tells my body there is something wrong “uh-oh”. My body sends the signal to my brain where I start to assign MEANING to what I am seeing and feeling. And then I do a cued response that is my PROTECTIVE Strategy that is the thing my body feels will keep me and/or our relationship safe. All of these responsive behaviors are based on our attachment to each other which is learned based on our attachment strategies from our past experiences. Minutes 5-10: The strategies that our bodies naturally do when we get a threat message that our connection is at risk- were learned from our development. Over time, we learned these strategies as our way to maintain connection. We all need connection to survive- we are ‘pack animals' and rely on each other for safety and connection. If something happens within us that we pick up as a possible cue that we could get rejected or abandoned, then our connection is being threatened and we do the thing we've learned will keep us connected. Mis-messages from our culture when we hear ‘you don't need anyone'. This is false. We all need connection. We see this in our 12-step programs that are linear and send the message that they need to get healing ‘on their own'. What a person does when they can't get connection within their system, is they go and find connection in another system that is more safe then the one they had to leave or where they were not finding. Minutes 10-15: We all long for acceptance and to be seen. We need to be able to find connection in our hardest and darkest places where we don't really like ourselves. It is vital for us to connect. In isolation, all the bad feelings grow- anxiety, depression, etc… we are not meant to be alone with our experiences. We are designed to share experiences. Internally we long for acceptance and for someone to be present with us. Brene Brown says, rarely does a response solve the problem. Connection and presence is what we need in distress. We want couples to be able to access our deeper feelings and our deeper fears. Often for a Withdrawer it's that they will be found flawed and rejected. Often for Pursuers its, that they are inadequate and that cues a lot of emotion, and if they are too much they will be left. Sue Johnson- co-founder of EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) asks, “What is your catastrophic fear?” Minutes 15-20: The whole reason we have Pursers and Withdrawers is because that's how we learned to cope. This is why it's so important that we learn how to get clear about what is hurting so we can tell our partners that we need them in these places where we feel insecure. We can't let our partners in to the places we haven't taken the time to consider. Acceptance of ourselves cannot ever make us feel secure. We need acceptance from others- specifically our partners, in order to feel secure. This is so hard because everything in our lives tells us NOT to bring these negative and hard things forward. We all long to be accepted in the hard places. Broken and Loved. It's what we need. Isolation doesn't allow us to get the feedback we need to know if we are doing ok. Minutes 20-25: We need others. If we don't acknowledge our need for others, we miss the very thing, the only thing that can bring us the security we long for. It's not only about stopping the cycle, it is more about being able to bring our fears and longing forward and for our partner to respond with acceptance in the places where we are afraid. Connect Point: Broken and Loved. If you haven't ever identified TEMP (Trigger, Emotion, Meaning and Protective Action), start with that. But once you have identified your process, we want you to try to discuss your deeper “catastrophic fear”. Can you identify what you are ultimate afraid of if everything goes wrong, and can you share it with your partner. Partners, only say, ‘Thank you for sharing'. For more information about Chad and Angela, check out their website: www.therealimhoffs.com
Have you ever felt like you have a bunch of ideas and you're not sure how they're connected and how to get them into one message? You are not alone! Most of us struggle with this because we're too close to our own ideas, expertise, and stories. Our guest, Cindy Rowe, owns a marketing agency that works with small businesses. Cindy also has a passion for speaking and for spreading her message around kindness. Cindy joined our Thought Leader Academy in March and worked with our lead speaking coach Diane Diaz in a VIP Day to create her signature talk. In this episode, Diane and Cindy talk about: What led Cindy to her thought leadership message and how it connects to her story The process that Diane and Cindy went through to incorporate Cindy's story into her keynote The types of speaking engagements Cindy most enjoys doing Why Cindy joined our Thought Leader Academy and what her experience has been About My Guest: Cindy Rowe is an Entrepreneur, Mom and Kindness Spreader. Enduring a series of challenges, she was determined to rise. Her transformation happened when she focused on practicing kindness. Not only did her personal life change, but her business grew with this pivotal shift towards kindness. Her passion is to inspire and empower others to discover how kindness can be the gamechanger; the key to success in life and in business. Cindy is the perfect example of how the power of kindness can pull you through dark and difficult situations including divorce, a brain injury and childhood traumas. She resides in Northern Illinois with new found love and soon-to-be husband, her children and blended family as well as two crazy, but sweet pups. She continues to build her marketing company that serves entrepreneurs and small business owners. About Us: The Speaking Your Brand podcast is hosted by Carol Cox. This episode is hosted by Diane Diaz, our lead speaking coach. At Speaking Your Brand, we help women entrepreneurs and professionals clarify their brand message and story, create their signature talks, and develop their thought leadership platforms. Our mission is to get more women in positions of influence and power because it's through women's stories, voices, and visibility that we challenge the status quo and change existing systems. Check out our coaching programs at https://www.speakingyourbrand.com. Links: Show notes at https://www.speakingyourbrand.com/284/ Cindy's website: http://thecindyrowe.com/ Apply for our Thought Leader Academy: https://www.speakingyourbrand.com/academy/ Connect on social: Diane on LinkedIn = https://www.linkedin.com/in/dianediaz Diane on Instagram = https://www.instagram.com/dianediaz Cindy Rowe (guest) on LinkedIn = https://www.linkedin.com/in/cindyrowe1/ Cindy Rowe (guest) on Instagram = https://www.instagram.com/cindyarowe/ Cindy's favorite book = “Chasing the Bright Side” by Jess Ekstrom: https://www.amazon.com/Chasing-Bright-Side-Optimism-Activate/dp/0785229329/ Cindy's favorite TED talk = Brene Brown on vulnerability: https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_the_power_of_vulnerability?language=en Cindy's favorite quote = “I've learned that people will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel.” - Maya Angelou Related Podcast Episodes: Episode 259: Connecting Your Business and Your Thought Leadership with Carol Cox Episode 280: Making the Shift from Expert Presenter to Storyteller in Your Keynotes with Katie Anderson
This week, Jen brings up an ides that initially elicits a groan from Pete, but they both end up with some aha moments about the (dreaded) topic of self-promotion.Specifically, in this episode Jen and Pete talk about:How might self-promotion be reframed?How are self-promotion and idea sharing linked?What are some ways to start a practice of positive self-promotion?To hear all Episodes and read full transcripts visit The Long and The Short Of It website: https://thelongandtheshortpodcast.com/.You can subscribe to our Box o' Goodies here (https://thelongandtheshortpodcast.com/) and receive a weekly email full of book and podcast recommendations, quotes, videos and other interesting things Jen and Pete are noodling on. To get in touch, send an email to: email@example.comLearn more about Pete's work here (https://humanperiscope.com/) and Jen's work here (https://jenwaldman.com/).
How's your stress? Have you noticed a connection between stress and your weight? We talk this week about WW techniques to manage stress and what works for us.CONNECT WITH USInstagram: http://instagram.com/realwwtalkFacebook: http://facebook.com/groups/realwwtalkYouTube: http://youtube.com/realwwtalkEmail: realwwtalk @ gmail.comFIND US ON WW CONNECTCandice: @candigirl_08Erin: @erinsworldRikki: @roadtorikki_ww
In Atlas of the Heart, Dr Brene Brown takes us on a journey through the 87 emotions and experiences that define the meaning of being human. Drawn from extensive research over the past two decades, Atlas of the Heart provides an overview of the necessary skills and actionable framework for building meaningful connections.The natural gift of cultivating meaningful connections with others involves having an equally deep relationship with ourselves and being able to explore without the fear of getting lost. Brown hopes that Atlas of the Heart can be the map that guides our adventurous hearts back to our truest selves when we have no idea where we are or where we're going. With insights that have defined what it means to be courageous with our lives, Atlas of the Heart is a must-read for anyone looking to be more emotionally fluent and connected. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Our mind has a tremendous impact on our lives and our happiness. What we believe affects what we do and how we feel. The choices we make with our minds can lead to a more fulfilled life or a life of anxiety and stress. For our guest Dr. Victor Manzo, to lead a more fulfilled life, we must learn how to leverage our minds and reframe our mindsets. By doing these, we open ourselves up to new and exciting possibilities. We can begin to see the beauty in life that we may have been missing before due to beliefs that limit us in some way.In this episode, Dr. Vic will share some ways that you can use to reframe your mindset, free yourself from your limiting beliefs and baggage, and start living a more fulfilling life. He also shares important tips on how we can help our children not to be confined to these conditioned beliefs. A former Certified Pediatric Chiropractor who has become a business mindset coach, Dr. Vic has published three books, including "Decoding The Matrix," released last May 2022. In addition, he is the creator and owner of The Mindful Experiment Podcast, which has been ranked in the top 1% of podcasts globally from ListenNotes.com. His unique and diverse background allows him to help his clients through his Empower Your Reality coaching become aware of their limiting beliefs, habits, standards, and the stories they tell themselves, which can lead to reframing, changing, and creating beliefs that support their dream life.What You Will Learn From This Episode02:47 - What Dr. Vic Manzo is obsessed with04:12 - Not getting entrapped on conditioned beliefs05:44 - Helping our children reframe their conditioned beliefs and mindset12:27 - Reinforcement and consistency in our efforts15:42 - The things that hold us back from getting everything we want in life21:02 - Being aware and clear of the things important to you23:43 - Trauma as a gift and blessing in many waysResources MentionedMichael Losier's Law of Attraction: https://www.amazon.com/Law-Attraction-Science-Attracting-More/dp/0446199737 Connect with Dr. Victor Manzo:Website: www.EmpowerYourReality.comFacebook: www.Facebook.com/drvicmanzo Instagram: www.Instagram.com/drvicmanzo LinkedIn: www.Linkedin.com/in/drmanzo TikTok: www.Tiktok.com/@drvicmanzo Podcast: www.TheMindfulExperiment.com Published books: www.amazon.com/author/drvicmanzo See What Your Obsessed Girls Are Doing and Send Us Feedback!CROWN AND COMPASS | Linktree - https://linktr.ee/crownandcompassgirls------------------Get Obsessed with us. Collectively we are a nutritionist, a master certified life coach, an attorney, and a self-esteem expert. We dive into topics that uncover the essence of the human experience. Our stories are one of kicking fear in the face and taking a leap of faith. We are equally obsessed with the works of Brene Brown and are inspired to study and understand the 30 core emotions. Each week we will explore another emotion, talk to experts in their field and inspire you to live the life you are meant to be living. We are Julie Lokun, JD, Tia Morell Walden, Certified Holistic Nutritionist, and Mika Altidor, Certified Life Coach. Join us for the conversation, and more importantly be a part of the conversation. Reach out with a question or comment about an episode or suggest a personal development topic you are obsessed with. After all, the Obsessed Podcast is for you and about you.
Jersey Jews and Old Coots Turns out I'm a pecker. Things are getting a little passive aggressive at the Target checkout… but then again, who am I to tell you what kid of day to have? Missy buys all the baked goods from the local farmer's market, and discovers a secret horde of faithful challah bakers and septuagenarian sages all volunteering for the common good. Helpful public service? Intrusive and unsolicited judgement? You decide. Amy travels to Annapolis, breaks up a human trafficking ring, keeps calm on the sidelines and starts to unravel her deepest fears (spoiler alert, it's just clothes). Are you ready for the Chicken List? Plus doing things the wrong way, stealing other people's toiletries and lying, but only to yourself. All this and VERY LITTLE DISCUSSION OF REALITY, because, who can stand it. We stand for universal bodily autonomy, separation of church and state, common sense gun reform and crunchy crescent almond cookies. To more deeply engage about any of these topics, please join our Facebook group, BillObsSquad . Want some swag? Buy stickers, tees, totes and m'goats at TeePublic. Or, just support us with your cold hard cash at Patreon. It really does make a difference. Love this episode? Share it with a friend via text message, social media or word of mouth. Sharing is caring, folx. Find us everywhere as @ListenBrilliant. Like what you hear? Rate us five stars on RateThisPodcast Find and share all our episodes on ApplePodcasts, GoodPods, Spotify, Audible, YouTube, Stitcher and everywhere else you likah-ta listen. Looking for a few likeminded souls to complain I mean CONNECT with? Join our Facebook Group at BillObsSquad and follow our show page @ListenBrilliant (Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest). Feeling old school? Send us an email at BrilliantObservations@gmail.com. Or visit our show pages on podpage.com/brilliant-observations.com or brilliantobservations.com . 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Bang!, BitchSesh, Bertcast, Hello Seven, Podcast that Pays, Dear Chelsea, Office Ladies, Call Her Daddy, And That's Why We Drink, Girls Gotta Eat, The Morning Toast, The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie Mattel and Katya Zamo, WHOREable decisions, Brilliant Idiots, Dying for Sex, In Bed with Nick and Megan, Trash Tuesday w/ Annie, & Esther, & Khalya, Guys We F****d, Business Fabulous with Bonny Frank, Big Happy Money with Serena Hicks, Unverified with Coral Trigger, Hello Flow with Dr. Julia Colangelo, Mouth Feelings, Guilty Pleasure, Sweaty and Pissed, Almost 30 Podcast, Terrible Thanks for Asking, Women of the Hour, Boobies and Newbies, Podbroads, and dozens of others. Find and follow them all in the Girl Got Mic group on Twitter or on the GoodPods app. And if you don't see a show you should, by all means, ADD IT. Penny for your Thoughts?Full disclosure: there is no penny. If you've got four minutes to kill, we'd love for you to waste it taking our Listener Demographic Survey. We'll use this data to fashion hand-crafted macaroni scultures of historic female librarians. And possibly to appease our soon-to-be sponsors. It's all anonymous, kids, so please be honest. You can find the survey here:https://bit.ly/BrilliantObservations Want even more Brilliant Observations?Join our newly formed email list by sending the word SERIOUSLY to BrilliantObservations@gmail.com. We promise not to sell or spam. Or to sell spam. Because that's just gross. Did you miss the part where you can contact us? Here is it again, just in case you want to join the nonsense online @ListenBrilliant, @BrillObsSquad, www.BrilliantObservations.com, or BrilliantObservations@gmail.com. Find swag at TeePublic.com/BrilliantObservations, or support us at patreon.com/BrilliantObservations. Our goal this month is to add one new subscriber each day. Will that be you Dear Listener? 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And now, we tag: January 6 committee, Roe v Wade, SCOTUS reversal, SCOTUS overturned, separation of church and state, bodily autonomy, reproductive freedom, NRA now, Peleton, comedy, podcast for women, podcasts for women, friends, girlgotmic, ladypodsquad, podern family, podcast movement, podfest, sex, relationships, chat, unfiltered, radio, fun, happy, happiness, boobs, dogs, marriage, midlife, kids, parenting, college, goals, brillobssquad, BrillObSquad, brilliant, observations, podcast, comedy, funny, women, lady, girlfriends funny, happiness, almost30podcast, 50af, love, Angie Jordan, Podcast That Pays, Goaldigger podcast, Glennon Doyle, Brene Brown, Brené Brown, Libsyn, menopause, midlife, Michelle Obama, Brilliant Idiots, Mouse and Weens, She Podcasts, She Podcasts Live 2022, I Shake My Head with Lisa and Sam, Outlanderpod, Chat 10 Looks 3, Sweaty and Pissed, Shonda Rhymes, writing, amwriting, writer, lfg, travel lacrosse, beach life, Jersey shore, middle age, teens, call me daddy, 2 bears 1 cave, Jessica Kupferman, John Bukenis, Bad Friends, Girls Gotta Eat, Rayna Greenberg, Ashley Hesseltine, And that's why we drink, Whoreable Decisions, Las Culturistas Connect with Brilliant Observations Podcast Facebook Group: /BrillObsSquad Facebook: @ListenBrilliant Instagram: @ListenBrilliant Twitter: @ListenBrilliant Email: BrilliantObservations@gmail.com Web Site: BrilliantObservations.com Episode 253 Jersey Jews and Old Coots Brilliant Observations Comedy Conversation Podcast with Melissa Brilliant and Amy Fugazi
Join Xandra as she dives into dissecting the concept of "Spiritual Materialism" (coined by Chogyam Trungpa) and the popular term "Spiritual Bypassing" (coined by John Welwood). As she untangles these topics, she helps you explore a way of honoring your spiritual path through true embodiment and emotional connection, while also bringing in deep wisdom and research made popular by author and researcher, Brené Brown.
Jen introduces Pete to the idea of vujà dé, and together they dive into what the topic might mean and how we might employ it in our lives.Specifically, in this episode Jen and Pete talk about:What is vujà dé?What are the benefits of doing something as if for the first time?What are some strategies with which to start practicing vujà dé?To hear all Episodes and read full transcripts visit The Long and The Short Of It website: https://thelongandtheshortpodcast.com/.You can subscribe to our Box o' Goodies here (https://thelongandtheshortpodcast.com/) and receive a weekly email full of book and podcast recommendations, quotes, videos and other interesting things Jen and Pete are noodling on. To get in touch, send an email to: firstname.lastname@example.orgLearn more about Pete's work here (https://humanperiscope.com/) and Jen's work here (https://jenwaldman.com/).
When we start working on a healthier lifestyle, we notice how attached we are to food. It's entertainment, comfort, and fun. This week we talk about our overcoming our attachment to food. CONNECT WITH USInstagram: http://instagram.com/realwwtalkFacebook: http://facebook.com/groups/realwwtalkYouTube: http://youtube.com/realwwtalkEmail: realwwtalk @ gmail.comFIND US ON WW CONNECTCandice: @candigirl_08Erin: @erinsworldRikki: @roadtorikki_ww
In this episode Beth and Kim sit down with Dr. Elizabeth Talbot and talk about events that have happened in her personal life. Conversation went the way all conversations go when talking to Dr. Talbot: Jesus.For more information about Dr. Elizabeth Talbot, visit her ministry website: Click HereFollow us on Facebook and Instagram.Send us an email: email@example.com
Alice and Maria discuss the mounting testimony in House Select Committee hearings on January 6th indicating former President Trump's pressure on election officials to change the outcome of the 2020 election. High level GOP elections officials stand firm on their commitment to the constitution. And bi-partisan talks are slowly moving along to produce meaningful legislation to combat gun violence. In this week's Meaningful Moment, we hear words of inspiration from Brene Brown and Angela Davis.
Get Obsessed with us. Collectively we are a nutritionist, a master certified life coach, an attorney, and a self-esteem expert. We dive into topics that uncover the essence of the human experience. Our stories are one of kicking fear in the face and taking a leap of faith. We are equally obsessed with the works of Brene Brown and are inspired to study and understand the 30 core emotions. Each week we will explore another emotion, talk to experts in their field and inspire you to live the life you are meant to be living. We are Julie Lokun, JD, Tia Morell Walden, Certified Holistic Nutritionist, and Mika Altidor, Certified Life Coach. Join us for the conversation, and more importantly be a part of the conversation. Reach out with a question or comment about an episode or suggest a personal development topic you are obsessed with. After all, the Obsessed Podcast is for you and about you.
Discover how songwriting can help you learn about yourself and allow you to reach your creative potential. In this enlightening Club Conversation, Sam Buckingham shares how she persistently and consistently showed up to realise her creative potential, culminating in her latest album “Dear John”. A conversation jam-packed with wisdom, insight and learning opportunities.Timestamp: 9:45 - Development of self expression through songwriting20:53 - How to make songwriting choices that empower us 32:07 - Sam talks about her new album “Dear John”44:32 - Sam talks about writing the album and the magic of songwriting 54:16 - Sam shares about writing her single, “Something More” 1:01:25 - Sam performs “Something More” About Sam: Intricate storytelling, profound poetry and a distinctive pop sensibility drive Sam Buckingham's songwriting. With two crowdfunded and independently released albums, and her recently launched podcast “Song Baker”, Buckingham is forging her own path in an industry overcrowded with talent. Sam has supported Paul Kelly, Kasey Chambers and Angus & Julia Stone. Contact Sam: Website / Facebook / Instagram Song credit: “Something More” - Music and Lyrics by Sam Buckingham. Performed live by Sam Buckingham at IHSC Headquarters.Sam is a mentor in our Beginner Songwriting Courses. Francesca and Sam are mentors in Level Up Club.Find out more and contact us at I Heart Songwriting Club & Francesca de Valence.Get your creativity, confidence, and songwriting output flowing. Join The Club and receive the support and structure to write 10 songs in 10 weeks and get feedback from a private peer community. This is THE essential writing practice that has changed the careers and lives of 1000s of songwriters worldwide. Explore some of the songwriting prompts used in The Club here.Don't struggle to write your next album - write an album a year with ease! Watch our Free Songwriting Masterclass. Get songwriting insights from I Heart Songwriting Club: Instagram / Facebook / YouTubeBe inspired by Francesca on socials: YouTube / Facebook / InstagramTheme song: “Put One Foot In Front Of The Other One” music and lyrics by Francesca de Valence If you love this episode, please subscribe, leave a review and tell everyone you know about The Magic of Songwriting.
Stop always leading with data. Leaders need to share stories too! A great leadership story builds trust, inspires, and creates connection. We all know that stories are a powerful way to communicate and connect with people, but sometimes it's hard to see how we can use them at work. Storytelling can help become better leaders and help us achieve our goals. I hosted Michelle Carnahan, President of Thirty Madison, who shares a powerful storytelling strategy and how it can help you become a better leader and help your achieve your goals. Thirty Madison is the premier healthcare company for people living with chronic conditions. After spending more than 25 years in healthcare and treatment innovation, Michelle joined Thirty Madison because of her commitment to patients and her desire to improve chronic care. Her background in strategy, marketing, and operations at Sanofi and Eli Lilly allowed her to see how having access to the care patients needed changed their lives for the better. LinkedIn Profile https://www.linkedin.com/in/michelle-carnahan/ Company Link: https://thirtymadison.com/ What You'll Discover in this Episode: Why you need more than just data to inspire your team and customers. Three steps to tell an inspiring leadership story. Her personal story of getting into healthcare, and she uses it to motivate her team. How to respond when someone says “you're way too emotional” at work. A strategy to increase team empathy. What she learned about transparency from Brene Brown. The story she used to kick off the most successful pharmaceutical launch in history. The competitive advantage when your team brings their “whole selves” to work. 4 kinds of life guides that every leader needs. Quotes: “Introduce yourself slowly." ----- Connect with the Host, #1 bestselling author Ben Fanning https://www.benfanning.com/speaker/ (Speaking and Training inquires) https://followbenonyoutube.com (Subscribe to my Youtube channel) https://www.linkedin.com/in/benfanning/ (LinkedIn) https://www.instagram.com/benfanning1/ (Instagram) https://twitter.com/BenFanning1 (Twitter)
Kelly's dad, Rex, comes on the podcast to talk to about his journey from alcoholism to sobriety. He talks about what his relationship with alcohol looked like including years without drinking at all, the self sabotage that was a part of his disease and the relationships that he was on the brink of losing. “Alcohol was the most important thing to me. Period. I couldn't imagine my life without drinking.” He also talks about finding his greatest life in his sobriety and the greatest gift being the relationships he is able to have because of it. And the moment he relates to finding freedom with a therapist: “I had to go all around the world, just to get across the street….but then the therapist said to me, ‘yeah, but you got across the street.'” Resources: Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration: Americanaddictioncenters.com Great article from Brene Brown: https://brenebrown.com/articles/2019/05/31/what-being-sober-has-meant-to-me/ See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Have you ever said the following to yourself: I will be good enough if I have a husband or a wife; I will be worthy of love when I lose 5 kg, I will be good enough when I get a degree or qualification, I will be a complete person if I have children, I will be acceptable if I am admired …these are all conditions or prerequisites for worth set for us by the society. And because we buy into them we often find ourselves on the hustle for worthiness, love and belonging. The most crucial truth is You are hustling for worthiness if you are using the fomula: I will be Become of Value if:……… In this Episode, Grace Mothobi tackles the need to hustle for worthiness, the Power of love and Self-Love and the sense of Belonging. The episode was inspired by Gifts of Imperfection and Daring Greatly books by Brene Brown. Hope you enjoy and share your reviews on instagram, Anchor Message and Spotify
I am over the moon about talking to Jennifer Louden! I first saw her at a woman event where she gave a barn burning talk about burning barns down. Then when I saw she was the co-host and writing coach at Lauren Fleshman's Wilder retreat, I knew I had to go, especially since I was green (and still greener) at this whole writing game. She was warn, accessible and full of amazing tools. Fast forward to the pandemic, when she launched her first self-published book, Why Bother?, where she unfolds desire, and how find it and follow it to take you where you need to go. It is the book that you need to read right now! Since she is the professional writer, I am going to let her share her bio...take it away, Jenn! I helped launch the concept of self-care with my first bestseller, The Woman's Comfort Book, published in 1992. I've spent the next 20 years writing more books including The Woman's Retreat Book, The Life Organizer and Why Bother? with close to a million copies sold. I spoke around the US and Europe about women's empowerment and self-care, wrote a national magazine column for a Martha Stewart magazine, and spoke on behalf of major brands.I was been profiled or quoted in dozens of major magazines including Self, People, and Yoga Journal, and two of Brené Brown's books, Daring Greatly and Dare to Lead; and I appeared on hundreds of TV, radio shows, and podcasts—even on Oprah.In the last 15 years, I've focused on helping female creators get off the fence and make the work they love, whether that's a book, a podcast, a course, a membership community, or articles. I do that through courses, masterminds, one-on-coaching, and virtual and in-person retreats.I host the popular podcast Create out Loud to help creatives stay inspired and keep learning how to make work they love and make money doing it.Socials:Website Address: https://jenniferlouden.com/ Instagram Handle: https://www.instagram.com/jen.louden/Facebook https://www.facebook.com/jenlouden.writerTwitter https://twitter.com/jenloudenLinkedin https://www.linkedin.com/in/jenlouden/
This week, Jen and Pete thrash about strategies a person might utilize when they are unsure of which strategy to utilize.Specifically, in this episode Jen and Pete talk about:What can a person keep in mind when they encounter a fork in the road?Why might making a decision and leaving the fork in the road feel scary?How might a person navigate a decision when both options (or more) are in alignment with where they want to go?To hear all Episodes and read full transcripts visit The Long and The Short Of It website: https://thelongandtheshortpodcast.com/.You can subscribe to our Box o' Goodies here (https://thelongandtheshortpodcast.com/) and receive a weekly email full of book and podcast recommendations, quotes, videos and other interesting things Jen and Pete are noodling on. To get in touch, send an email to: firstname.lastname@example.orgLearn more about Pete's work here (https://humanperiscope.com/) and Jen's work here (https://jenwaldman.com/).
In this rendition of The Way Out I'm absolutely thrilled to bring you what turned out to be a conversation that was at once extremely resonant and outright entertaining with Amanda White. Amanda is a licensed therapist, author of the new book Not Drinking Tonight – A Guide to Creating a Sober Life You Love, and person in long term recovery since 2015. Perhaps one of the most enlightening aspects of Amanda's recovery is the immutable truth that our last bottom doesn't have to be our lowest or worst bottom, that we don't have to hit a proverbial rock bottom, and then ultimately our bottom is when we stop digging. Equally as instructive is the undeniable value of adding therapy to our program of recovery, especially if we have experienced trauma, adverse childhood experiences, or have a mental health issue. Finally, as you'll soon hear, much of the work Amanda does professionally and writes about in her new book is centered on the truth that we are not stuck with our default thought and behavior reaction patterns for eternity, that indeed we can change and choose to mindfully respond instead of reacting to our counterproductive auto-thoughts. Often referred to as emotional sobriety in 12-Step recovery and an aspect of recovery we work hard to highlight and demystify, this next level recovery allows us to recognize these counterproductive auto-thoughts, pause, and then make a choice to act in a way that's consistent with the people we truly want to be – and that my brothers and sisters is more than half the battle and what it looks like to get out of our own way so we can authentically connect to ourselves and then others in a meaningful way. Amanda shares with us her journey to and through recovery to this point with disarming humor, clear insight, and with the unique perspective of a licensed therapist who's herself in recovery so listen up. Contact Amanda: https://amandaewhite.com/ More about Not Drinking Tonight: A Guide to Creating a Sober Life You Love: https://amandaewhite.com/book Recovery literature (Quit-Lit) recommendation - Daring Greatly by Brene Brown: https://brenebrown.com/book/daring-greatly/ Best piece of Recovery advice - Willingness without action is fantasy. We can be willing to be willing! Song that symbolizes Recovery: Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield https://youtu.be/b7k0a5hYnSI Don't forget to check out “The Way Out Playlist” available only on Spotify. Curated by all our wonderful guests on the podcast! https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6HNQyyjlFBrDbOUADgw1Sz (c) 2015 - 2022 The Way Out Podcast | All Rights Reserved Theme Music: “all clear” (https://ketsa.uk/browse-music/) by Ketsa (https://ketsa.uk) licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 4.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/ --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/the-way-out-podcast/message
-We all know what boundaries are…but…what are boundaries? -Where do we start with setting boundaries as codependents? -How do we maintain boundaries when there's pushback from others? Thanks for tuning in! In this episode, I have a fulfilling and meaningful discussion with Ms. Kelli Younglove, a Consciousness Coach, all about the mystery and magic of B O U N D A R I E S. Kelli describes to us what boundaries are (with a healthy expansion to Brene Brown's definition of boundaries), why they are so foreign to codependents, and how they can truly help us as we heal from our codependent ways. You'll hear Kelli open up about her own healing journey and ways she has created boundaries in order to heal. We conclude with clear actions you can take to bring more consciousness into yoru life by honoring your needs and boundaries. More on this episode's guest: Kelli Younglove is a Consciousness Coach, an Anxiety Whisperer, and the creator of the boundary course: Creating the Container of YOU— a contemplative e-course that teaches boundary fundamentals for people pleasers and controllers. www.kelliyounglove.com https://www.facebook.com/youngloveinc/ Kelli's Course: Boundaries | Creating the Container of YOU - https://courses-kelliyounglove.thinkific.com/courses/boundaries-creating-the-container-of-you Helpful links for the podcast: www.codependummy.com www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing JOIN OUR MAILING LIST FOR ALL THINGS CODEPENDUMMY: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Make a donation via PAYPAL to support the show: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC More deets on this episode: We begin with our “typical two” questions and hear 1) Kelli's definition of codependency and 2) a codependent experience from her own life. We then shift gears to a focus on B O U N D A R I E S, which is Kelli's specialty. We hear Kellis' definition of boundaries, the different types of boundaries, and the steps you can take to become aware of the need for then the establishment of boundaries. Who knew that there were so many types of boundaries: emotional, mental, energetic, physical, sexual, spiritual, etc. We circle back to Kelli's definition of codependency where she expands on Brene Brown's wording: What's okay for me? What's no okay for me? And what's okay for you? And not okay for you? We have to find the middle ground, balance, and compromise between our needs and those of others. Once we add a boundary, the maintenance phase begins (which is where the real work is). Kelli adds her description of the two-part formula: their/other people's job is to do what they want afte we've set a boundary. Our job is to hold the boundary after setting it. And always come back to the breath. Thanks for coming on Kelli! Questions for you: What came up for you as Kelli described her definition of codependency? How do you relate to Kelli's experience of codependency with her childhood friend? Have you too had relationships fall apart due to your codependency? How are you practicing self-compassion due to the loss? Did you resonate with Kelli's definition of boundaries? What boundary are you sensing you need to establish this week? How can you use Kelli's steps in order to set it? How can you take care of yourself after setting the boundary in order to maintain it? Thank you for listening! Helpful links: www.codependummy.com www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing email@example.com JOIN OUR MAILING LIST FOR ALL THINGS CODEPENDUMMY: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Make a donation to support the show: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC https://linktr.ee/codependummy Please leave a rating & review. A subscribe and share is welcomed! RRSS!
Before you even watch this replay, I'm officially inviting you to the next LIVE Wellness Over 50 Book Club (in partnership with Chirp Audiobooks) event, because it's going to be even more fun with YOU there!
What does it mean to be a goddess? And how can you be a sober goddess? In today's episode our gorgeous guest talks about the power of neutrality on the road to goddess-hood. Julie is obsessed with the perfect lip and the power of being a sober human. For our guest Julie Jacobs, it means learning about yourself, what makes you happy, and how you can contribute to the planet. It means having a solid sense of self-awareness and connection with your intuition. It means embracing your femininity and using your power for good. It means living your life with purpose, and passion, and positively impacting the world.As women, we sometimes put undue pressure on ourselves to succeed, be the perfect wife and mother (or to have it all), look a certain way, and have an answer for everything. For Julie, the key to unlocking our full potential as women - and living our best lives - is discovering our goddessness. We are all goddesses, but discovering and unlocking our goddessness can be challenging. This is very much applicable in today's world, where many women feel overwhelmed and confused since there is no one right way to live your life and there is no single answer to the question of what makes someone. In this episode, Julie will share some tips on how you can start discovering your goddessness and sharing the message with other women.Julie uses service, humor, and curiosity to guide women to confidently live their most beautiful lives. A sober human, military spouse, mother, and champion of women, she channels her gifts and skills through Julie Jacobs Coaching. Here, she provides women a safe place, inclusive, and thorough coaching experience. In addition, she is also the host of the Goddess Gather Here Podcast, where she and her guests delve into the business of self-care, personal growth, glass ceiling shattering, and lifting each other.What You Will Learn From This Episode01:49 - What does it take to be a goddess03:06 - Proclaiming your goddessness09:43 - From the bottom to feeling your goddess self16:15 - Being a human and setting certain expectations19:45 - Biggest tip for being a goddessConnect with Julie JacobsWebsite: https://juliejacobscoaching.com/ Podcast: https://www.ivoox.com/en/podcast-goddesses-gather-here_sq_f11558459_1.html Shout out to Helmet Valley Recovery Center: https://www.hvrc.com/Get HelpIf you or a loved one is dealing with alcohol addiction please check out this resource for help:Drug and Alcohol Rehab - Recovery.orgSee What Your Obsessed Girls Are Doing and Send Us Feedback!CROWN AND COMPASS | Linktree - https://linktr.ee/crownandcompassgirls*******************Get Obsessed with us. Collectively we are a nutritionist, a master certified life coach, an attorney, and a self-esteem expert. We dive into topics that uncover the essence of the human experience. Our stories are one of kicking fear in the face and taking a leap of faith. We are equally obsessed with the works of Brene Brown and are inspired to study and understand the 30 core emotions. Each week we will explore another emotion, talk to experts in their field and inspire you to live the life you are meant to be living. We are Julie Lokun, JD, Tia Morell Walden, Certified Holistic Nutritionist, and Mika Altidor, Certified Life Coach. Join us for the conversation, and more importantly be a part of the conversation. Reach out with a question or comment about an episode or suggest a personal development topic you are obsessed with. After all, the Obsessed Podcast is for you and about you.
Burnout isn't an overnight phenomenon. It compounds slowly – often imperceptibly – over time and when it shows up can often be crippling. That's where Elizabeth Collins – aka “The Burnout Witch” – comes in. On this episode of She Turned Entrepreneur we hear about her journey from an education and early career in western-based health care to an evolving eastern practice that includes acupuncture and tarot cards. It's a very specific niche that Elizabeth fully owns, and she coaches others in the integrative and functional medicine space to do the same! Entrepreneurship starts with knowing ourselves, our values and the value we bring to the world, so much of Elizabeth's practice is devoted to establishing that clear sense of self and boundaries. She uses values exercises (links for which are provided) and also offers key strategies for staving off encroaching burnout. Something as simple as a coffee mug that makes you smile can serve a protective function. Without intentionality, our bodies and spirits are subject to burnout. So whether we come to entrepreneurialism deliberately or, like Elizabeth, through a somewhat meandering path, it's critically important that we protect our core beliefs. “It took me a long time to learn who I am in order to know what I need in my business,” she says. Once our mission is clearly defined, we're freed up to bring our best – and truest – selves to the fore! Click here to listen to, rate and review this or previous She Turned Entrepreneur episodes. Here are key takeaways from the conversation:· Entrepreneurship can be something you land on by chance rather than by design.· Do you have burnout? There are therapies to help you recover. · If you've tried to meditate without success, it may be your brain is stuck in overwhelm.· Set intentional boundaries that recognize intrusion and minimize burnout.· The Power of a Coffee Mug: Creating a safe space helps fend off burnout.· Answering texts at midnight? It's perfectly normal to have standard business hours. In fact, your clients will respect you for it.· Ready to live into your values? Here's a step-by-step Values Exercise.· Here's a social media tip: If creating content exhausts you, consider tagging screen shots of work you endorse and adding your own take on why it's worthwhile.· Whatever product, skill or service you offer is uniquely your own – so brand it that way! Here's a quick look into the episode:· Elizabeth's early experience working within the traditional western health care framework morphed into an interest in alternative integrative techniques for sustained wellness.· Acupuncturists are de facto entrepreneurs because they constitute a small sector without well-defined platforms.· About the blend of functional medicine, acupuncture and coaching that Elizabeth offers.· A closer look at burnout: o Prevention looks like:§ Modulating diet.§ Integrating exercise.§ Meditation.§ Curating a safe, comfortable environment.o Treatment looks like:§ Finding ways to undo damage that shuts down brain function.§ Addressing underlying physiological and emotional imbalances.§ Assessing vitamin and mineral levels.§ Putting in place modest, small steps towards meditation.· How to distinguish the difference between burnout vs. general fatigue vs. depression:o Depression feels like a weighted blanket, tamping down everything.o Burnout tends to be more situational and tied to identifiable responses to things like the constant pinging of your email. · The challenges in jumping from a medical career into an entrepreneurial orientation:o Acupuncture practices aren't prevalent so there was no ready template.o Elizabeth's studies didn't include any business training.o It was all too easy to follow “accepted” business practices that were out of alignment with Elizabeth's values and interests.o Boundaries had to be set around things like business hours.· Elizabeth and Dori talk about the importance of establishing personal core values and parameters around things like networking and social media.· The more Elizabeth has embraced her very specific niche and mix of east-west orientation, the more successful she has been with her brand.· Advice for aspiring entrepreneurs and coaches in the wellness space:o Do a values exercise to establish priorities.o Get very clear about who you are and the boundaries you want to set. o Know deeply that what you offer the world is 100% unique.· Recommended Reading:o "The Bouncebackability Factor: End Burnout, Gain Resilience, and Change the World," by Caitlyn Donovan. And click here for a link for her free downloadable values exercise. o "Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience," by Brene Brown. And here's a link for her two-part values exercise. About Elizabeth:Elizabeth was a full time Emergency Medical Technician prior to obtaining her Master's degree from the Finger Lakes School of Acupuncture and Oriental medicine in Seneca Falls, New York. She is trained in both Chinese and Japanese styles of acupuncture. She completed an internship at the world renowned Zhejiang Provincial Hospital of Traditional Chinese Medicine in Hangzhou, P.R. China, and has comprehensive training in Zheng Gu Tui Na bodywork from Tom Bisio, L.Ac. in New York City. Additionally, she studied the treatment of acute and chronic pain at the EASTMedicine Seminar Series at the University of Westminster, London, UK. With experience in both Western and Eastern spheres, she is committed to bringing a well-rounded, holistic approach to each patient encounter.
We all get haircuts, but have you ever thought about the impermanence, personal, and oddly spiritual the practice of a haircut can be? Well today's guest Andi Scarbrough definitely thinks about it. Andi has more than 20 years in the industry as a stylist, salon owner, educator, and product development, and today she combines the power of beauty with the deep connection of spirituality through her creation of CrownWorks. She has studies in Spiritual Psychology, shamanism, mystical Christianity, dreamwork, intuition, & breath-work. Her work has been featured in Vogue, Conde Taste Traveller, Well + Good, KPCC, Byrdie, Goop, Modern Salon and other respected publications.In this episode we discuss…The art form and impermanence of beautyTurning a self care moment (like a haircut) into something spiritual and profound.The self-care ritual of working with a crystal combSelf-care for those working in service of others (hint: it's super simple)Mystical ChristianityIf you enjoy this episode and would like to experience Andi's work or purchase her amazing crystal combs, use code 'YOGAMAGIC' for 22% off site wide.Brene Brown podcast mentioned Andi's Mystical Christianity Book Recommendations:Rob Bell - What is the BibleNeville Goddard - Your Faith is Your FortuneMeggan Watterson - Mary Madalene ReveledPaul Ferrini - Love Without Conditions Learn more:Follow Andi on Instagram: @crown_worksBook a session or shop the Crown Works crystal combs: www.crownworks.netFollow along on Instagram: @yogamagicpodcast and @ashley.sondergaardLearn more about Ashley and Yoga Magic at www.ashleysondergaard.com Let's stay connected! Get the Cosmic Self-Care Mini Course for FREE when you sign up for our email list HERE. Let's Work Together: **Now booking for September! Book a Joint Astrology and Human Design Reading with Ashley & Sarah Leverett | During these 1 hour joint readings, Sarah will cover the basics of your Human Design chart including type, strategy, & authority. Then, Ashley will cover the key components of your natal chart & how you can work with the energy of your chart in your life today.Book a 1:1 Cosmic Self-Care Session with Ashley | Learn how to use your astrological birth chart to personalize your self-care routines, rituals and practices with this 60 minute session and customized self-care plan. Book a Birth Chart Reading with Ashley | Learn about the key components of your natal chart and how you can work with the energy in your life today during this 30 minute reading.
On this week's show, we're setting up Shalita Grant, actress and founder of the company Four Naturals Hair. Shalita is a Tony-award nominated actress whose career on the stage has included runs at The Public Theater and Lincoln Center Theater, including originating the role of Cassandra in Christopher Durang's comedy Vanya and Sonia and Masha and Spike. Grant is well known for her recurring character on NCIS: New Orleans, Search Party, the Santa Clarita Diet, and the most recent season of YOU. She recently read and loved Octavia Butler's Bloodchild and other short stories and Brene Brown's Power of Vulnerability, and says that she loves fall (especially because of the cozy socks) and could spend a whole autumn season in Barcelona. Her perfect day includes a hike with her girlfriend and a cuddle with her dogs, and she's a snob about pizza. The guest: Shalita Grant The picks: In the Shadow of the Mountain by Silvia Vasquez-Lavado The Verifiers by Jane Pek Trust Exercise by Susan Choi The Gilda Stories by Jewelle Gomez We Are Never Meeting in Real Life by Samantha Irby How to Find a Princess by Alyssa Cole Where to find us: Find our show online at blinddatewithabookpod.com and @bookmeetcute on Twitter and Instagram. Please follow and tell us all the books you've fallen in love with recently.
After receiving positive feedback to the idea, Pete and Jen dive in to why, "Attitude is a skill," is such a mic-drop statement.Specifically, in this episode Jen and Pete talk about:How might attitude be a skill that can be practiced?Why might it feel scary for a person to make changes to or work on their attitude?What are some strategies for cultivating a positive attitude?To hear all Episodes and read full transcripts visit The Long and The Short Of It website: https://thelongandtheshortpodcast.com/.You can subscribe to our Box o' Goodies here (https://thelongandtheshortpodcast.com/) and receive a weekly email full of book and podcast recommendations, quotes, videos and other interesting things Jen and Pete are noodling on. To get in touch, send an email to: firstname.lastname@example.orgLearn more about Pete's work here (https://humanperiscope.com/) and Jen's work here (https://jenwaldman.com/).
Are you a rule follower? Is your love for rules allowing you to like a maverick mindset? #breaktherules Inspired by the movie Top Gun and the mindset of Maverick-this is the tools you need to live an unorthodox life. How can we, as humans up our game with emotional integrity? Quite simply it is to take calculated risks and be authentic. Ask yourself- are feeling burnout from doing everything and nothing is happening? If the answer is yes, listen on. Personal and professional satisfaction starts with self-awareness. Life satisfaction starts and begins with living an unorthodox life. Building your personal or professional brand begins on a journey of discovery.The Maverick-Inspired tips to holistic growth:Tip #1: The MissionFirst and foremost, our favorite tool is writing a mission statement. There is profound power in seeing the foundation of your vision and values scrawled on paper. A mission statement cannot simply be written and read.Your mission statement needs to be lived.A mission statement needs to articulate why you exist, what you stand for and the goals you strive for. On paper, your mission statement is powerful. However, inaction nullifies your mission. A mission statement is only powerful when you take inspired action.I am obsessed with the power of a mission statement. It can be a confusing exercise in putting pen to paper-so I often recommend Franklin Covey's Mission Statement Builder. This mission statement builder is easy to follow and prompts you with questions to curate a statement that reflects where you are and where you want to go.For more about living a maverick mindset listen to our episode on The Mediacasters featuring Garry E. Hall!Post Script:We just had the opportunity to interview the original Maverick, helicopter pilot, and really nice human and family man, Rear Admiral Garry E. Hall. Garry served as the national security advisor to the president and has a podcast called Admiral's Almanac. Garry embodies the gusto of Maverick and stays rooted in his mission. Learn more about Garry and the leader in his life Darlene Hall here: The Admiral's Almanac on Apple Podcasts#maverick #topgun #mindset #admiral #usnavy #obsessedpodcastGet Obsessed with us. Collectively we are a nutritionist, a master certified life coach, an attorney, and a self-esteem expert. We dive into topics that uncover the essence of the human experience. Our stories are one of kicking fear in the face and taking a leap of faith. We are equally obsessed with the works of Brene Brown and are inspired to study and understand the 30 core emotions. Each week we will explore another emotion, talk to experts in their field and inspire you to live the life you are meant to be living. We are Julie Lokun, JD, Tia Morell Walden, Certified Holistic Nutritionist, and Mika Altidor, Certified Life Coach. Join us for the conversation, and more importantly be a part of the conversation. Reach out with a question or comment about an episode or suggest a personal development topic you are obsessed with. After all, the Obsessed Podcast is for you and about you.
What's the relationship between someone who spills a hot cup of coffee in their lap and someone whose fiance just broke up with them? In today's episode, Coach Ashlie Walton and Detective Walton discuss how the same area of our brain lights up whether we are experiencing physical or emotional pain... And how understanding this can allow us to understand how we experience pain. Tune in for the #1 way to avoid crippling pain and what you can do today in order to make sure that you are well prepared the next time unexpected pain (physical or emotional) finds you. ⩥ PLEASE SUBSCRIBE TO OUR YOUTUBE CHANNEL ⩤ https://bi3xbvVont.ly/ CLICK HERE for our best-selling products: https://amzn.to/3xaG3xw and https://rdbl.co/3DIQVUC CLICK HERE to join our free Police, Fire, Military and Families Facebook Group: https://bit.ly/38w2e7r Check out our website and learn more about how you can work with LEO Warriors by going to: https://www.leowarriors.com/ Like what you hear? We are honored. Drop a review and subscribe to our show. The Tactical Living Podcast is owned by LEO Warriors, LLC. None of the content presented may be copied, repurposed or used without the owner's prior consent. For PR, speaking requests and other networking opportunities, contact LEO Warriors: EMAIL: email@example.com. ADDRESS: P.O. Box 400115 Hesperia, Ca. 92340 ASHLIE'S FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/police.fire.lawenforcement ➤➤➤➤➤➤➤➤➤➤➤➤➤➤➤➤➤➤ This episode is NOT sponsored. Some product links are affiliate links which means if you buy something by clicking on one of our links, we'll receive a small commission.
Tune in on Monday, 6/13/22 at 6:30am EST, for a brand new episode of The Doctor Whisperer Show featuring Preston R Scott! ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ︎ ABOUT OUR GUEST: Preston Scott holds a Juris Masters degree in Financial Regulation and Compliance from FSU School of Law. He has served in the Banking industry in various roles over the past 10 years working for some of the most progressive community banks in the Tampa Bay area including C1 Bank and Pilot Bank. Prior to his banking career he served as a Lancome Paris Business Manager at various retailers and was featured as a featured makeup artist throughout the state of Florida. He is a master of bringing a brand and its mission to the forefront of a community through representation and building employee engagement. Having had the pleasure of working closely with incredible community Leaders and industry trailblazers,Preston has earned the respect and trust needed to assist in major community initiatives. While his role has often been supportive, his work was vital in the success of these initiatives. Preston has served as the Marketing/PR Chair of the 2019 American Cancer Society's Cattle Barons' Ball, an initiative that raised $500,000 for our community. His community involvement includes organizations such as the Outback Bowl, American Heart Association, American Brain Tumor Association, Dress for Success, Working Women of Tampa Bay, and the Girl Scout's WCF Camp CEO, USF WLP. Preston serves as an Area Board Advisory member for United Way Suncoast and serves on its Sustainability and Innovation Committee. Preston is a 2019 Leadership Tampa Bay alumni. In 2020 he served on the Board of Advisors for Digital Marketing at USF and as a Dean appointed mentor for the Innovative Scholars Program at USF St. Pete. Preston is very passionate about mental health awareness and self-care. In his spare time, Preston enjoys catching the stunning sunsets and moon rises during long walks on the Courtney Campbell Causeway, spending quality time with his family & and staying current with the latest news in Auto Journalism. His favorite podcasts are Brene Brown's Dare to Lead and Unlocking Us. ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ︎ As always, thank you to our incredible sponsor, TieTechnology, for sponsoring the show! --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/thedoctorwhisperer/message
This week's episode, the last one before Parent Tell takes a short break for most of the summer, is a solo episode with just Kaila! Almost a solo Babysode, if you will, Kaila airs her grievances with those who seem to look down on motherhood and think that your life is just utterly ruined and completely over when you become a parent (so NOT true). While trying not to be too ranty and ravy Kaila points out the assumptions that many in society choose to make about parents, mostly moms, when in reality harmful judgements and comments are simply projections from the person who is saying them. Brene Brown seriously had it right when she said that we should lead with curiosity instead of judgement.For more information about Kaila, episode topics and behind the scenes details, and of course painfully relatable memes follow Parent Tell on InstagramIn the mood to tell about your parenting? Shoot Kaila an email at firstname.lastname@example.org
I wanted to fill you in on Akiva's birth story. I really appreciate all the warm wishes and all the Mazel tovs! I Really felt like I wanted to share with my community here on the Podcast. I know not everybody would want to share their story and that's totally normal and fine and has nothing to do with me really this is what I felt like doing and I'm really happy to share it if it's at all enlightning or inspiring or helpful to anyone. I'm definitely a sharer and I enjoy sharing my story. I always likes to share my birth stories and this one was I don't want to say so eventful it was definitely surprising. I felt like I sort of kept you all in the loop in terms of not wanting to have A C section and as you'll hear in the story I did have a c section so I'm trying to process it myself and trying to learn from the experience and I know Brene Brown says we shouldn't use Instagram or social media to process. I don't really feel like that's what I'm doing maybe a little bit but mostly not. Enjoy the story and if you have any questions or comments I'm happy to here and I really appreciate you being here! We should only share in Simchas together !!! --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/gila-glassberg/support
What is the Enneagram?Truity.com explains:According to the Enneagram, each of the nine personality types is defined by a particular core belief about how the world works. This core belief drives your deepest motivations and fears — and fundamentally shapes a person's worldview and the perspective through which they see the world and the people around them.Our core beliefs are not necessarily incorrect, but they can be limiting and operate as “blinders” for people. Understanding our Enneagram type and how it colors our perceptions can help us to broaden our perspective and approach situations more effectively.Understanding a person's Enneagram type helps us to see why they behave the way they do. Each Enneagram type has a set of core beliefs that will consistently motivate them to take particular actions and guide them to make certain decisions. Behavior that may seem confusing or contradictory can often be explained when we understand a person's Enneagram type.The Enneagram also helps us understand how people react to stress. By describing how each Enneatype adapts and responds to both stressful and supportive situations, the Enneagram shows opportunities for personal development and provides a foundation for the understanding of othersWhat is the enneagram?According to Truity.com: The Enneagram is a system of personality typing that describes patterns in how people interpret the world and manage their emotions. The Enneagram describes nine personality types and maps each of these types on a nine-pointed diagram which helps to illustrate how the types relate to one another.Check out Truity.com for a free personality assessment and let us know what you think!Get out of your own way and start demanding joy and happiness in your life. We teach you the tools in today's episode to start creating the life you are worthy of. You are worthy. You are not alone. Self-improvement and personal development are a journey that we are all on. WakGet Obsessed with us. Collectively we are a nutritionist, a master certified life coach, an attorney, and a self-esteem expert. We dive into topics that uncover the essence of the human experience. Our stories are one of kicking fear in the face and taking a leap of faith. We are equally obsessed with the works of Brene Brown and are inspired to study and understand the 30 core emotions. Each week we will explore another emotion, talk to experts in their field and inspire you to live the life you are meant to be living. We are Julie Lokun, JD, Tia Morell Walden, Certified Holistic Nutritionist, and Mika Altidor, Certified Life Coach. Join us for the conversation, and more importantly be a part of the conversation. Reach out with a question or comment about an episode or suggest a personal development topic you are obsessed with. After all, the Obsessed Podcast is for you and about you.
A native of Hungary, Dr. Edith Eger was a teenager in 1944 when she and her family were sent to Auschwitz during WWII. Despite overwhelming odds, Edith survived the Holocaust and ultimately came to the US with her husband where she went on to graduate with a Ph.D. from the University of Texas and became an eminent psychologist. Today, she maintains a busy clinical practice and lectures around the world — including amazing interviews with Oprah, Brene Brown, and more. Today, we're fortunate to have her joined by her extraordinary daughter, child psychologist Dr. Marianne Engle, who co-authored just released a new edition of her beloved book The Gift — a follow up of her NY Times Bestseller The Choice. The original edition launched in Sept 2020 to rave reviews for its warm and insightful approach to dealing with life's most complex challenges — and provides a hands-on guide that gently encourages readers to change the thoughts and behaviors that may be keeping them imprisoned in the past. This new edition brings her fresh perspective and nuanced understanding of processing deep issues with children. If you've had a hard time moving forward from a challenging past or have in any way felt stuck in a victim mentality, this episode is for you. -------- Imma keep some healthy space from social for a bit and am bringing it on email. Feels right, and actually a little more personal, tbh. We're basically one-way pen pals when you follow this link and drop your email here. —> mrdavehollis.com Dave's book Built Through Courage is available now! Dave was recently confronted with the fact that he was living the life someone else wanted for him. After weathering a highly publicized personal crisis amid the backdrop of an international pandemic and navigating the enjoyable but unpredictable waters of being a single father to four kids, he has been forced to become the captain of his own life and is ready to teach others how to do the same. I want to be your coach. Yes, YOU! Join me at Growth Day, not for pre-taped lessons, but for weekly LIVE coaching. Click the link and gain access to my coaching + some of the world leaders in personal growth like Brendon Burchard, Jenna Kutcher, Jamie Kern Lima, and more! -> http://bit.ly/daveatgrowth Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Brene Brown has many gifts to offer her readers. one being the gift of accepting imperfection. Through the science of vulnerability and courage, we find connection and the ability to speak one's heart. In the Bonus episode with Alicia Ingruber, we hear how one of Brene's books helps her to find peace in a difficult time in Alicia's life. Links www.groundingjourney.com www.instagram.com/grounding_journey/ Be a guest - https://groundingjourney.com/explore/ Connect with Alicia - www.aliciainspired.com
An often discussed topic on the podcast, Pete and Jen dive even further into noodling on why humility is a superpower.Specifically, in this episode Jen and Pete talk about:Why is having humility so important?How might leaders use humility to better lead?What are some ways to cultivate humility?To hear all Episodes and read full transcripts visit The Long and The Short Of It website: https://thelongandtheshortpodcast.com/.You can subscribe to our Box o' Goodies here (https://thelongandtheshortpodcast.com/) and receive a weekly email full of book and podcast recommendations, quotes, videos and other interesting things Jen and Pete are noodling on. To get in touch, send an email to: email@example.comLearn more about Pete's work here (https://humanperiscope.com/) and Jen's work here (https://jenwaldman.com/).
This week brings the final episode in a series of discussions on setting boundaries. Pulling from Nedra Glover Tawwab's book, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself, this week's discussion centers on the following: - 6 areas where setting boundaries is necessary - 3 steps to set healthy boundaries -What to do after setting boundaries -How to manage people's reactions to your boundaries Order Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Tawwab Nedra Tawwab's Instagram: @nedratawwab Check out the Light After Trauma website for transcripts, other episodes, Alyssa's guest appearances, and more at: www.lightaftertrauma.com Want to get more great content and interact with the show? Check us out on Instagram: @lightaftertrauma We need your help! We want to continue to make great content that can help countless trauma warriors on their journey to recovery. So, please help us in supporting the podcast by becoming a recurring patron of the show via Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/lightaftertrauma Transcript: Alyssa Scolari: Hey, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of the Light After Trauma podcast, the full episode this week. I'm your host Alyssa Scolari, and I am so happy to be here for a full episode. If you listened to the mini episode that I put out last week, well, it wasn't even an episode. It was just a brief announcement. My husband and I have been recovering from COVID. We both went all this time without getting it, and then we went to a wedding. One of our really good friends got married, and the wedding was so much fun. But the next day, part of the wedding party had woken up and tested positive for COVID. And then a few days after, David tested positive for COVID, and then I tested positive. Alyssa Scolari: So it was not fun. I will say I am very glad that I have had the privilege of being both vaccinated and boosted, because I do not want to know what COVID would've looked like if I did not have the vaccine. It wasn't scary, but it was almost just like, "Whoa. I can't believe this feels this bad even with the vaccine." It felt like the flu. Thankfully, neither of us had to go to the hospital. Neither of us had any issues with breathing or anything like that. And we are both on the mend. Alyssa Scolari: Today is actually one of the first days that I have my voice back. And my voice might sound a little bit off. I don't know. It doesn't to me. But I had lost my voice and couldn't really work or do anything. So it's been a little relaxing, but also boring, but also just irritating being sick when it was Memorial Day weekend and then it was a really beautiful summer weather. And there was just so many things we wanted to do. And we were supposed to have a house warming party with all of our friends, and we had to cancel that. And it's just been a bummer. Alyssa Scolari: But again, I'm just very happy to be healthy and I'm very thankful that we are both on the mend. So thank you for bearing with me. There was no way I was going to be able to put out an episode, because I was just feverish and had no voice. But we are back with another part, well, another episode on boundaries. So it's like a three part series or a three episode series. I am fairly certain this will be the last one. We're going to see how much we get into today. Alyssa Scolari: But if you have not listened to the other two episodes, you can go back and listen. We are talking about boundaries. And a lot of the information that I am sharing today is going to be based off of Nedra Tawwab's book Set Boundaries, Find Peace. And that is the same book that I used in the previous two episodes. Boundaries, as I've said before and I'll say it again, I believe, are the most important tool for not just healing from trauma, but for honestly just existing and living a peaceful life. Alyssa Scolari: That's more of a personal belief. I think a lot of people would agree with me, honestly. So we're talking about it, because as important as they are, it's also incredibly difficult for us to set them. Alyssa Scolari: So in the first episode that we did about boundaries, we talked a lot about what are they and why are they so important and what types of boundaries exist out there. And then in the second episode, so the episode that went out two weeks ago, we talked about why it is so difficult for us to set boundaries and how we can look past that, how we can push past our fears and our anxieties that come up around setting boundaries. Alyssa Scolari: Today, we are going to get a little bit more into the nitty gritty of how specifically do I do this with the people in my life. All right. So let's get right into it. Alyssa Scolari: So in the first episode that we did, we talked about how there are three different types of boundaries, right? There's rigid, porous, and healthy. Well, in addition to that, there are six different areas in life where it's very important to be able to set boundaries, right? Alyssa Scolari: Now, number one, and this is going to come as no surprise to many people, it's important to set sexual boundaries. That is very important. Now, of course, I should note this. You cannot set sexual boundaries where there is a crime occurring. So a child cannot set a sexual boundary with an adult when there is sexual assault or rape going on or child sexual abuse. Alyssa Scolari: That is not what we are talking about. We are talking about consensual sex. Boundaries are important. Being able to communicate with your partner or partners what you do, like, what you don't like, or even just saying, "No, thank you. I am not in the mood to have sex right now," or even just being able to ask the other person, "Can you tell me what you like? Do you like it when I do this?," right? That is a discussion of, "Hey, what are your boundaries, so that I know what they are, so that I don't cross them?" So sexual boundaries. Alyssa Scolari: Then there are time boundaries. So this is, I think, a huge one for so many people, right? Classic example is the person who is constantly picking up the phone for everybody else, but then, at the end of the day, has no time left over for themselves. Time boundaries. Alyssa Scolari: And then physical boundaries. This, I often think of as even public displays of affections. Some people don't mind. Some people hate it. I'm not a huge PDA person. I don't particularly enjoy it, right? So let's say you're in a relationship with a partner who is always kissing you in front of everyone and always wants to rub your back. It's very important to be able to set those boundaries and say, "Please do not rub my back in public. It makes me uncomfortable." Alyssa Scolari: And other physical boundaries can also just be, even when it comes to children, right, for allowing your child to say when they want to hug somebody and when they don't. Or even as adults, there are times where I will see the same group of friends, and I love them, but I might not necessarily be in the mood for hugging or physical touch. So sometimes, I will hug everybody in the room. Sometimes, I will not. And it's okay. Nobody really bats an eyelash either way, because everybody is cool with respecting one another's boundaries. So those are physical boundaries. Alyssa Scolari: We have sexual, time, physical, and then we have intellectual boundaries. Intellectual boundaries, this can be a little bit more complex. But the best way I can put it is by giving examples. So an intellectual boundary can be crossed with a child if an adult is having an inappropriate conversation with a child, right? If a young child is learning about something sexual before they are ready to hear that, or even in the case of oversharing, right? If parents are fighting and the one parent turns the child and starts venting to the child about the other parent, that is crossing an intellectual boundary. Alyssa Scolari: Now, between adults, this can look a little bit differently. So this can look like belittling people for what their beliefs are, mocking people for their beliefs. I've seen a lot of people mock Christianity. And while I personally do believe that parts of Christianity can be harmful depending on the interpretation of the Bible, because everybody interprets the Bible differently, that's an episode for another time. But a lot of people mock Christianity and they mock Christians, and that can be an intellectual boundary. Or I've seen it reversed. I've seen people who are Christian mock people who have no belief. A lot of people like to mock people who are Jewish. They belittle their faith. Alyssa Scolari: So it happens across the board. Whether you believe in something don't believe in something, no matter what religion you are, this happens. And that is an intellectual boundary violation, as is when people will shut down over disagreements. So let's say that you're in a disagreement with somebody, and let's say you're in a little disagreement over what restaurant you want to go to. And the one person's like, "Oh, I want to go to Applebee's." And the other person's like, "Well, I want to go to Wendy's." And you talk for a little while and you decide, "All right, we're going to Applebee's." Well, you get there and you sit down with the other person and they're completely quiet, and they're on their phone the whole time, and they're not looking at you, and they're making zero communication. They're just completely shut down. That is an example of an intellectual boundary violation. I am denying you the right to have communication with me, to have an intellectual discussion with me, because I'm mad at you. It's a passive aggressive boundary violation. Alyssa Scolari: So there are also emotional boundary violations where people can dismiss your feelings, or people will turn around and spill your secrets. You share something, you share the way you feel with somebody, and then they tell you they're not going to say anything, but then they go home and then they call their friend right away and they tell their friend. And before you know it, half the world knows your secret. Those are emotional boundary violations. Gossip is an emotional boundary violation, things like that. Alyssa Scolari: And then there are material boundary violations. So people going through your journal or destroying your property, or people borrowing your car and not filling it up with gas when they return it to you, or people using your kitchen and making an absolute mess that you have to go clean up, those are material violations. You holding something in your hand and somebody wants to see it, so they just snatch it out of your hand without asking you when that thing belongs to you, that is a material violation. Alyssa Scolari: So those are some of the categories. Well, those are the main categories that boundaries can fall into when it comes to setting them. So let's talk about what it means to set a boundary. Alyssa Scolari: In order to set a boundary, you have to have good communication. And there are four different ways that you can communicate. You can communicate passively, passive aggressively, aggressively, or assertively. Alyssa Scolari: Now, passive communication is you really don't say anything. What passive means is you sit on the feelings and you eat your own feelings and sit with them because you don't want those feelings to come out. So you just keep it to yourself and deal with it and don't say anything. Alyssa Scolari: Passive aggressive is when you do things to get the other person to notice that you are upset, or you try to deny the other person something. You harm the relationship without directly saying exactly what's wrong. We've talked about passive aggressive behaviors in the other two episodes, so we're not going to really get into examples. But I'm pretty sure we all know what passive aggressive behavior is. It's that person who is trying to communicate that something's wrong, but they'll never actually come out and say something's wrong. They will just act in different ways or say different things that let you know that there's an issue. Alyssa Scolari: And then there's aggressive communication, which can be threatening and can involve yelling or cursing, or it can even become physical. Alyssa Scolari: And then there's assertive. This, again, I'm sure is a no brainer. We want the assertive communication. Assertive communication, it's not passive, not passive aggressive. It's not aggressive. It is none of those things. But instead, it is clear, it is firm, and it is unapologetic, and it is also respectful. And that is something that I think people struggle with a lot when they're triggered. It's really, really hard to come across as assertive when they are upset or triggered. I know it is for me, which is why I think taking time, when you're getting ready to set a boundary with somebody, taking time, jotting down, what you want to say, thinking about it, maybe tweaking it a little bit, I think that that is helpful for me when I have to set a boundary, because if not, then my words can come out... Alyssa Scolari: I'm trying to think. I feel like I want to say I could be aggressive, not in a physical way, but probably in a verbal way, because all my emotions flood out of me. So assertive behavior is the way to go. Alyssa Scolari: So how do we do that? Step one is all about your tone and your use of language. So again, it is so important to have a neutral tone. You don't have to be super animated. And I think this is where I struggle, because I'm a little bit more animated. And sometimes, that can come off as aggressive or too much. It is so important to be neutral, but also very, very clear. Alyssa Scolari: And you don't want to have too much jargon. You want to be really, really concise. Some people, because they get so nervous when they're setting boundaries, they tend to just talk and talk and talk. And I absolutely used to do this, right? If somebody asked me if they could borrow my laptop and I didn't want them to, I would say, "Well, I spent a lot of money on this laptop. And in order for me to really feel comfortable giving it away, I have to know what you're going to be doing on it. How long are you going to need it for? If you're going to need it for more than 30 seconds, it's going to be really hard for me, because I have to do this and that." And I would just go on and on and on, as opposed to being straight to the point. Alyssa Scolari: And when you go on and on and you have too much jargon, people might not get it, or people are going to see loopholes. People are going to say, "Okay, well you said this. So if I do this, then can I have the laptop?" So you want to be concise. You want to cut the jargon. You want to have a neutral tone. Alyssa Scolari: And here's the other thing, and this is a hard one for some people. You don't want to say things like, "Maybe," "Kind of," "I don't know," right? This goes into step number two, right? And step number two is directly stating your need. So number one, being clear and neutral and concise. Number two is directly stating your need. And in doing both of those things, we really want to leave out the language that suggests that you could possibly change your mind. I really like to let people down easily. So I am famous for being like, "I don't really think so," or "Not at this time," or, "Unfortunately, it doesn't look like we'll be able to go, or, "Maybe not now. Maybe some other time. I am famous for that, because I don't want to sound mean by setting a boundary. Alyssa Scolari: But here's the thing that I need to remember and that you need to remember, and that is that setting boundaries, it's not a mean thing at all. It is a way to give you the peaceful and happy life that you want. And if somebody can't respect your boundaries, that is a sign that you needed to set those boundaries in the first place. Alyssa Scolari: So I have really been practicing on this one. And I set a boundary with a family member a few months ago. They asked me to go somewhere, and I didn't want to go. I didn't feel comfortable. I didn't feel safe going. And so normally. I would feel the need to be like, "Oh, well, we have plans and we can't go because blah, blah, blah." But instead, I directly said, "Thank you for the offer. We can't make it. Have a good time." Alyssa Scolari: Now, this person did not respect my boundary in the slightest. And this person said some pretty nasty stuff back. But it doesn't matter, because I did what I needed to do to keep myself safe. And quite frankly, this person reacting the way they did was really no surprise, because I needed to set that boundary a long time ago. Alyssa Scolari: So let's go into a few more examples. How about somebody, the person in your family who's constantly talking about weight and in front of you, right? You go out to dinner with somebody and they're like, "Oh, I got to get back to it tomorrow. And Monday, I'm going to step on the scale again." You can say something like, "I feel uncomfortable when you talk about weight. Please stop." Alyssa Scolari: Let's say you have a roommate or a friend or even a child who borrows your car, and they come back and they never have the tank filled up. You can say, "I need you to fill my car up with gas after you use it." That's it. You're not even asking, right? You don't even want to ask, because then you give people the option of saying no. Some people will try to set boundaries by being like ... And by some people, I totally mean me, right? Some people will be like, "Oh, well, do you think that you could please fill up my car with gas?" You give them the option to say no. There should not be an option to say no when it comes to you setting a boundary for yourself. You are directly stating your need or your request, or you're directly saying no. Alyssa Scolari: So again, this might sound harsh, especially for those of us who struggle with setting these, but these tools are life saving. And you have to remember and tell yourself over and over and over again that you are not being mean. Alyssa Scolari: Let's say you have a family member who loves to talk. Let's say your mom. Let's say your mom. Let's say you have a brother, and your mom loves to talk to you and gossip to you about your brother. Your mom's always complaining about your brother, your brother this, your brother that, "Your brother never comes around anymore. I haven't seen your brother in weeks," things like that. And you don't want to hear it anymore. All you have to say is, "Mom, I really don't like it when you talk to me about my brother. Please stop." And that's it. That is it. You are not at all being mean when you say those things. Alyssa Scolari: The biggest fear here, when you make a request, when you say no, when you state a need, the biggest fear is in how people are going to respond, which is why step three is dealing with the emotions that come after setting the boundary, whether that be guilt, whether that be anxiety, whether that be fear or awkwardness or discomfort. Alyssa Scolari: And Nedra makes a really good point in her book Set Boundaries, Find Peace. She makes a really good point of saying, "It's almost impossible to set boundaries without guilt, because we live in a society that has just set us up to feel like we need to give of ourselves all the time, because when we give of ourselves, we have nothing left over for us. And therefore we get sicker, and therefore this world profits off of us. So it really is like a win-win situation for the world that we live in for us to not have boundaries." Alyssa Scolari: So in a society that teaches us that boundaries are mean, it's not really likely that you're going to be able to set them without guilt. I have yet to set a boundary without feeling some level of guilt, and I always have to work through it. Guilt, awkwardness, fear, discomfort, it's so important to work through that. And how do you do that? By telling yourself a lot of what we're talking about, by reminding yourself of what we are talking about here today. Alyssa Scolari: Another thing that really helps for me is to talk to my therapist about it, because my therapist is really good at reassuring me. So talk, if it's not to your therapist, talk to somebody else who really understands boundaries and who gets it. But for the love of God, please don't talk to somebody who isn't good with boundaries, because if you do that, you're only going to feel worse. I would make the mistake all the time of talking to somebody. Alyssa Scolari: I would set a boundary with somebody, and I'd feel really guilty. So I'd pick up the phone and call somebody who also was terrible at setting boundaries. And then they would be like, "Oh, well, why did you do that? That sounded a little bit mean." And then I would feel horrible and I would backtrack in my boundary setting. Alyssa Scolari: So think about if it's bringing stuff up from childhood. Talk to your therapist about it. Ask yourself, "What does this mean about me? Where is this coming from? Did I get yelled at when I was younger for setting boundaries? Was I allowed to have boundaries when I was younger?" For a lot of us, this boundary work is childhood trauma recovery, because a lot of us wouldn't know a boundary if we fell over it when we were younger. The majority of us have had our boundaries violated over and over again as children. So it's so important to seek support when you are setting boundaries. Alyssa Scolari: If the boundary ruins the relationship, I hate to say this, but the relationship was doomed anyway. It really was. I have set so many boundaries, especially this past year. And in some cases, those boundaries have worked out just fine and I've gotten through it. And in other cases, those boundaries ruined the relationship. And you know what? I'm not even surprised, because that relationship was doomed anyway. The important thing is to not assume that it's your fault. Alyssa Scolari: But here's the thing. Don't assume that people in general aren't going to honor your boundaries. Go into this with the attitude that, "Why wouldn't people respect my boundaries?" Assume people are going to honor your boundaries and act normally, because when you start assuming people are going to behave weirdly, then you almost set yourself up for another self-fulfilling prophecy. And we've talked about self-fulfilling prophecies in a previous episode. You set yourself up to then you almost end up making the situation uncomfortable, because you think it's going to be awkward. So then you bring a level of awkwardness to it. So then it is awkward. Alyssa Scolari: So don't go into it assuming anything. If anything, try to go into setting boundaries completely detached from how people are going to react. Try to detach yourself. Try to not take any kind of responsibility or even give a whole lot of energy to people's reactions, because if you do keep giving energy to it, it's going to make you not want to set the boundary. And then it's going to just keep you in a relationship that isn't fully serving you. So try not to be so tied to the way other people are going to react, because you're not setting this boundary to see somebody's reaction. You're setting this boundary so that you can feel safer in the relationship. So you don't need to give your energy to how people are going to react. Easier said than done, I know. Alyssa Scolari: But it's also important to just be okay with how people react. Like I said, it's not personal. Their reactions, their emotions, they're entitled to. They're entitled to all of it. Everybody's entitled to their opinion. Everybody. But it doesn't mean that their emotions are or opinions is something that you need to take on. Alyssa Scolari: Now, when you set a boundary, it is so important, because honestly, setting the boundary, just setting it, I hate to say this, but that's actually one of the easier things to do when it comes to boundary work, setting it first. All right. Great. You did it. The real hard work comes in in upholding the boundary. You need to religiously uphold your boundary, right? Alyssa Scolari: If you have a friend that's like, "Hey, can you come out tonight?" "No, thank you. I want to stay inside tonight. I'm not really in the mood to go out." Your friend's like, "Are you sure? Are you sure? Are you sure?" You need to say no time and time and time again. Or in the case of a friend who is borrowing your car, when you say, "I need you to fill the car up with gas when you return it to me," let's say this person says, "Okay. No problem." They borrow the car the next week. They bring the car back, and there's no gas in it. Do you let it go? No. Not even just for one time do you let it go, because, remember, people thrive off of you not having boundaries. If you give people an inch, they will take it a mile. That is just human nature. It doesn't mean they don't love you. It's just human nature. So if you set a boundary and somebody violates that boundary even one time, you need to call it out immediately. Alyssa Scolari: You try not to take it personally, right? Because for a lot of people, boundary violations, it's not about you. It could be about other people living out some other childhood stuff, right? Testing limits, kids love to test limits. So do adults. We never grow out of that. It's not personal. But it is your responsibility to religiously uphold that boundary. Alyssa Scolari: "Hey, Mom. I know I told you last week when we talked on the phone that I don't want to hear you talking about my brother anymore. I have to ask you again to please stop." Now, if that person still doesn't respect that, "Hey, friend. I asked you when we were at dinner last week to please refrain from talking about weight. It makes me uncomfortable. I also asked you two weeks ago. And you're still doing this." Alyssa Scolari: Well, now, what do you do? Well, now, you kind of ... Not kind of, right? There I go again with my indirect language. You put in a consequence, not necessarily punitive, right? Not really punitive sounding, but a consequence that's going to protect you. "Jim, if you return my car again and the gas tank isn't full, I'm not going to let you take my car anymore," "If you continue to talk to me about my brother while we're on the phone, Mom, I'm going to hang up the phone. And that will be the end of our conversation," "If, Susie, you continue to talk to me about weight while we're out to dinner, I'm going to get up and leave the restaurant." That is when you bring those consequences in. Alyssa Scolari: And again, you have to reinforce them and uphold them. That is one of the hardest parts about boundaries, because people might say yeah when you set that boundary the first time, but people almost always love to test limits in some way, shape, or form. Not everybody. Alyssa Scolari: So that is where we are at. If somebody's not respecting your boundary, you have to call it out, "I asked you to do this. You are not doing it. And if you continue to not do that, this is what's going to happen." People might react in all different ways, right? People might get defensive. They might start questioning you. They're going to test the limits. People might be passive aggressive. They might ghost you. They might give you the silent treatment or just give you very short responses. And again, it's so important to remember that their reaction is not about you. It is never about you. Alyssa Scolari: Ultimately, boundaries can solve a lot of relationship problems, but both people have to be open to listening and meeting the other person's each other's requests, really. If that's the case, then boundaries can be so beneficial in relationships. Alyssa Scolari: Again, right, Brene Brown has said it best. The temporary discomfort that you experience from setting boundaries is so much better than the long term resentment that will come from not setting them. Alyssa Scolari: So with that said, that wraps up our boundary talk. I'm so excited. I thought that was really, really good and really fun to talk about. And I hope that it is so helpful. It's really helpful for me, really helpful. And I'm very happy to be back and recording. I've got some other good episodes this month. Alyssa Scolari: It is Pride Month. I didn't say that in the beginning of the episode, but happy Pride Month. I hope it's a great Pride Month for everybody. Alyssa Scolari: And I hope that everybody is doing okay. I know that if you are living in the United States, you are probably devastated and still healing from learning of the shooting in Texas of the school children and teachers. I'm just speechless. And I'm at a loss for words. And I feel helpless and hopeless. And it feels like the only thing that I can do is donate money and vote when it comes time. But I don't know. I just feel really hopeless living in this country right now. And there's a big part of me that wants to move. And the gun violence just terrifies me and I'm terrified for the future children of this world. And I could go on. I could go on. I just have a lot of anxiety and a lot of grief. And my heart is so heavy, and I'm so angry. And I know so many of us feel this way. Alyssa Scolari: So I'm with you. We stand together, and we will hold each other up. And thoughts and prayers don't really do anything for those victims. Thoughts and prayers aren't doing it anymore for the continued mass shootings in this country. It's just heinous. I don't know what the answer is, but I know I will be voting and I will be donating to who I can. And if there's anything else that anybody can think that we can do to help or that I can do to help, please let me know. You know where to find me. Alyssa Scolari: And if you don't know where to find me, it's on Instagram, or you can go to the website, which is LightAfterTrauma.com. And the Instagram handle for the podcast is Light After Trauma. We've got some good content on there, so come check us out. If you message me, I will respond to you directly, because I do get the messages. So, yeah. Come say hi. Alyssa Scolari: I hope you enjoyed this episode. I will be back next week with another episode. And until then, I am holding you in the light. Alyssa Scolari: Thanks for listening, everyone. For more information, please head over to LightAfterTrauma.com, or you can also follow us on social media. On Instagram, we are @LightAfterTrauma, and on Twitter, it is @LightAfterPod. Alyssa Scolari: Lastly, please head over to patreon.com/LightAfterTrauma to support our show. We are asking for $5 a month, which is the equivalent to a cup of coffee at Starbucks. So please head on over. Again, that's patreon.com/LightAfterTrauma. Thank you, and we appreciate your support. Speaker 2: (Singing).