Shadowhunters Sh*ttalk

'Morning Star' at this point do the episode names really have anything to do with the contents of the episode? It's here Episode 13 - the finale of Shadowhunters Shittalk (season 1)! This episode has got it all folks: bad acting of course, particularly from you know who (I've realised she only has one mode: angry-teeth-baring), a terrible terrible script, non-existent direction and one shite fight scene. It's a good thing it's spooky season because this episode was spookily bad!!!

'Malec' is a tumblr ship name and should not be the title of a Shadowhunters episode - are the screenwriters 13 years old? It's the penultimate episode of Shadowhunters Shittalk season 1 and Alec and Magnus are salty, Alec and Jace are salty, Jace and Clary are salty ... overall everyone's as sweet as the Dead Sea. There's one VERY unwelcome cameo, the saddest bachelor party and an English guy with horns.

'Blood Calls to Blood' ooh it's time for the big twist in Cassandra Clare's City of Bones. It's Episode 11 of Shadowhunters Shittalk and just when I think I couldn't get any more frustrated, the show producers decided to rush through the brilliant climax of City of Bones in about two minutes. But it's ok, they waste time on an invented court room drama instead.

'This World Inverted' is something that never should have existed. It's episode 10 of Shadowhunters Shittalk and you know what that means... it's the infamous Alternate Universe episode! Alec is out of the closet, Simon and Jace are hipsters, Issy's a cute nerd and there's a madhatter tea party...of course... just like in the books *warning heavy sarcasm present*. Basically this episode is full-on filler but I reluctantly enjoyed it!

'Rise Up' in the ranks of worst podcast episode ever, mainly because my brain couldn't string two words together, but also unexpected sudden construction works in the next room (great). In episode 9 of Shadowhunters Shittalk Meliorn got captured and I'm still not sure why. I discuss the future of the pod, how Simon looks 'wide and chalky' with the new vamp makeup, and how Magnus is too good for Alec.

Get ready cause baby now we got “Bad Blood”. I'm back with my commentary for Episode 8 of Shadowhunters Shittalk. I yawn too much and can't form proper sentences… so just a normal day for me (sorry!) In this episode I present a lukewarm defence of Alberto's acting and get annoyed by the first of the insulting eastereggs featuring cherished Infernal Devices characters (Charlotte Branwell deserves respect).

Katie and I reunite to talk over episode 7 of Shadowhunters ‘Major Arcana'. The team are back at the police precinct for more filler content *sigh* . Warning, Episode 7 of Shadowhunters Shittalk contains one stressed Simon, suspicious mundanes and Snoreen.

For an episode called "Of Men and Angels" it hasn't got much to say about men...or angels. Listen to me be in an especially good mood for episode 6 of Shadowhunters Shittalk, and listen to my mood become somewhat soured because of bad plot structure, bad invented lore and even more bad flashbacks.

"Moo Shu to Go " ... please because I don't want to stay around to watch this. It's episode 5 of Shadowhunters Sh*ttalk and I won't lie that you can hear me slowly losing my sanity through this episode. I had a glass of wine (sorry for the slurps and clinking btw) and I tried to be nice... I promise! I also witnessed some truly incredible visual effects; Twilight, Harry Potter, Doctor Who, step aside, I've found the most realistic, grounded and compelling CGI werewolves ever put to screen ... with lightning!

"Raising Hell" ... has very little raising of hell in it. Episode 4 of Shadowhunters Sh*ttalk. We're finally here, Magnus Bane's party! To mark (nerd pun intended) the occasion i've got my very first guest, Katie! She and I had a great time eating a lot of popcorn and sh*ttalking almost everything about the show, and discussing some insane facts I found about the production of Shadowhunters, Mont Blanc pens instead of Steles anyone?

"Dead Man's Party." It's episode 3 of Shadowhunters Sh*ttalk and i've got myself a drink so let's have a party of our own! There's sexy vampires and i'm uncomfortable and very unsexy. Also Raphael is wearing lipstick...?

"The Descent Into Hell Isn't Easy" ... unless you're the showrunners for Shadowhunters. Episode 2 of Shadowhunters Sh*ttalk, I promise i'll get some kind of format soon. All I can say is that there's a hell of a lot of exposition dumps that's for sure!

"The Mortal Cup". This is the pilot episode of Shadowhunter Sh*ttalk, I go through a lot of my initial thoughts on the books, the film and the show. I also tackle the first episode of the show - It can only go downhill from here folks!