Every Sixth Sec

It’s the discourse episode; let’s talk positions! In some ways it’s a bummer because there is some whack views on tumblr, but on the positive, it’s probably only on tumblr, and literally no one cares about tumblr. Also, we eventplan 4018’s Pride celebration, demote Sex Pizza Review Guy on Rhodes’ friend list, and design the official ESS t-shirt.

Sometimes you’re having a day: you spill coffee on your shirt and Jeff wanted to talk to you! Ugh. Well today is our day: A day where we talk about our obsession with Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, sex education in our publics schools, and this week: we have a guest! A REAL guest this time: sorry Joseph. Brianna comes to speak to us about the JuiceBox app, an app of her creation that brings useful sex ed to adults by providing affordable access to professional sex and relationship coaching! You can find and download it on the Apple App Store!

It’s America Day so you knooooow this episode is going to be real horny. It’s a short ep what with the holiday and how bad we are at podcasting, but we talk about the true meaning of the holiday - feeling excluded by culture because of how Not Straight we are. Also, we don’t understand the fascination with sex, we don’t get why sex is a good thing to see with your eyes, and we can’t conceive of how sex is somehow a thing that is good.

It’s Pride Month, and Marina’s drinking, and her plosives are just awful. Yay! Let’s be real about this - the audio is pretty bad all around this time. partially because of our homophobic guest cat who tries very hard to ensure the pod never gets made by screaming at us. Also, we play the least interesting and most auditorially unpleasant emoji-based podcast game ever designed, perform poorly remembered Hamilton lyrics for like a long long time, and demonstrate the key difference between a bachelor of fine arts and bachelor of science (hint - it's math).

We are joined this week by Rhodes’ friend, the famously be-pubed Joseph, who really elevates the pod with his banter and insight into greysexuality. Also, we discuss actual relevant things like imposter syndrome and anxiety and the difficulty inherent in understanding something as fluid and individual as sexuality, sell out with ads for Big Dairy, and what were we talking about again? This is not what we meant to be talking about...

It's a musical extravaganza to welcome you back this week! Be prepared for lots of music and dancing, although not usually concurrently. Also, we come up with two tangible albeit terrible pieces of actual advice, continue our trend of hot-to-the-minute pop culture references, and flirt with copyright violations.

So, it turns out that Kyle didn't steal Marina's spot on the road trip, but the road trip did steal both of our sleeps. So now we're super tired.... It's time to take a week off so we can be stronger than ever for next week! If that's even a thing. The only reason we're posting this is because Rhodes made a vow or something?

It’s time to discuss asexuality in media, which is to say, we pitch like 7 of our own television shows, plus one app. #WelcomeToAmerica Also, we put literally every Kyle on blast, struggle to distinguish white dudes from other white dudes, and talk about porn in a completely normal and knowledgeable way.

What is love? You are contractually obligated to have that song stuck in your head now, you're welcome (don't hurt me). We try to figure out the deal with dating, like why to do it and is it good? Also, we uphold our longstanding tradition of googling pop culture facts while we should be podding, pretend that we know enough about drugs to make jokes about them, and revel in being a douchebag's One True Fear.

Six is the sex number! Rhodes’ friend, you are right! Thanks for listening! This week, we share stories of our growing up that, in hindsight, are blaring neon signs of ‘You Are Asexual, Dude!’ Also, we discover the most Thunderdome-level stress-packed X-Treme teen way to teach your son to drive, razz a movie we haven’t seen like the thoughtful, upstanding critics we are, and get science-y on y’all with boner stats and jello physics.

Rhodes and Marina are pancakes, anyway. Chances are, if you are listening to this, you are too, but maybe you are a water droplet. I don’t know your life. In this episode, we explore the purest form of human connection - ranting in mutual agreement that someone else’s opinion is wrong, like a relay race of supportive shouting. Also, we conduct not one but two deep dives in 2000s era television, congratulate Rhodes on his good math joke, and revel in the concept of genetically modified sexy door ladies.

Sexuality. It's a little more fun than death. Frankly, this one comes out as a bit of a bummer as we talk about labels and fitting (or not fitting) into the LBGT community. We get real about some of the difficulties of being ace. Also, we practice our communicitation skills, make some totally audible hand-gesture based jokes, and continue to be unrelentingly asexual by assuming that everyone agrees that having less people wanting to sex you is a good thing.

This episode is bad to listen to with your ears. There's no getting around that one. There is thirsty groaning, painful singing, and basically no content that is relevant to the premise of this podcast. It is devilishly hard to quantify. Also, we draw up some vomit schedules, never learn what it means to have lizard eyes, and spend like 20 minutes discussing the hottest current issue - Blockbuster video.

You want to hear us patter on endlessly about ice cream because Rhodes doesn't understand metaphors? Probably you don't. So the good news is that we only do that for a solid 8 minutes. Also, we reminisce about awkward middle school plays, kind of just body-shame the concept of bodies in general, and struggle to pronounce heteronormativity.

You might want to laugh at this at some point in the future. It's a comedy podcast about asexuality! Oooooooooooooooh!! We aren't the ideal hosts to talk about sex and relationships, because, well, mostly we don't get it.