The Creekend

We made it, VanDerFreaks! You've waited three years to hear Adam's reaction to Jen's death... prepare to be shocked. Get your oreos out and dunk right in. The Creek...end?

It's a flash forward, VanDerFreaks, and it turns out the future is bleak. Sure Jack's a woke high school teacher, but he's dating a closeted Deputy Dougie. Oh cool, Jen has a baby, but CJ dumped her ass and she's gonna die. Worst of all, the triangle is surging and we are no closer to a resolution. Tune in, if you feel safe. 

Joey's gonna go ahead and rally the whole town in support of Dawson's film. Outrageous casting and archaeological green screen technology. If you're looking for Todd impressions, you're gonna get 'em here, luhv. 

Does Grams actually do poppers on cam? No. But we can dream. After forcing Grams to tell her own daughter about her cancer diagnosis, Jen decides to move the whole gang into Helen's Upper East Side chateau. Now that's a spinoff we'd watch. Also Pacey drops the StepiBomb that Dawson is StepiBroke and it goes exactly like you think it would. Wahhhh!

Eddie's gonna go ahead and round out Joey's sophomore year with another epic ghosting, because as a young woman, she NEEDS to be triggered by every man in her life. I'm sorry, I can't, don't hate me vibes. Also, Pacey gets Stepifucked by Stepitech and Stepikicks Rich's ass in an explosive desktop face off, which is a joy to watch and discuss. Editor's note: we say that this is episode 22 but it is actually episode 20.

Okay it's the LoveLines episode, you know, the one where Dr. Drew destroys every relationship with semi-truths and prozac prescriptions. Can anyone spell trust issues? We went ahead and put our trash first attempt at an intro at the end of the ep so if you're into that kind of torture, it's there for the real ones.

Thanks to a Creekend classic extended bull shit intro (skip to 20mins for DC content bbs), this episode blasts through most of our gang's storylines this week in favor of dissecting Joey's ribbony collage of conquests and Peloton culture at large. #Vsquad 

This is an episode that forces you to decide who is worse: CJ (née Cory Jergens) using Grams as a sex therapist or suit n' tie Pacey disrespecting every member of every workforce... your call VanDerFreaks! And oh yeah, Eddie comes back. Please make space for your rage.

The main thing you need to know about this episode is that we are a young, young group of people doing their best to understand why Pacey would pay a late night visit to Gail in a floor length wool coat. That's mom fucking coat culture for ya! Bless you for reading this far.

We do not utter a damn word about the WB classic, Dawson's Creek, until 24:40. Not a damn drop. This episode was recorded in late 2020, a dark time indeed. We do not take any responsibility for the level of absolute trash we find so deeply necessary to discuss among our peers. This is culture. Also it's the Kmart ep, bortch. 

Do you remember parties? We don't really, but apparently this episode is about one and all the things Adam hates like people being irresponsible around expensive technology, loudness, people saying "I don't want to date the idea of you" (yes Jen and CJ), childhood angst resurfacing as sexual frustration... Gus! Hate on 'em with us, VanDerFreaks!

Road trip!!! You're gonna hate everything about this road trip from BEANTOWN to rehab, just like Eddie, Audrey, Joey and Bob. This ep is actually pretty funny despite all the tangents. Please do reflect on your personal peak and pit of Ben Affleck.

Okay maybe Audrey's been having a rough time but she had an epiphany one morning on the beach in Malibu and now everything's fine. OKAY? Girl. That and other bull shit like Eddie telling Joey he loves her after she stalks his ass all the way to Worcester. This world is getting more fucked up and Dawson's not even in this ep... proceed with caution.

Disclaimer: We messed up our audio from the iconic S6E10 "Merry Mayhem" ep so we do a quick recap in this ep with some performances of Merry Mayhem's best monologues. Then we rush through the panicked fever dream that is S6E11 in which Joey gets ghosted so hard Eddie travels to another dimension. 

What can we say - this is not a very good episode. Probably because we have to deal with Pacey betting on Emma's hotness without her consent, and the Joey-Eddie-Hetson triangle that just will not end!! The real ones will stay for the at-length Chris Carrabba breakdown. 

THE ONE WITH THE NO DOUBT CONCERT. Rest assured, the extended live concert footage is the absolute best part of this episode. Sadly we are obligated to call Gwen out for her history of cultural appropriation. Sorry girl, but you did that! Also Dawson's Creek is discussed.6

Have you ever wanted the out of body experience of watching a hot bartender pour salt-rimmed, happy hour margs while telling you that if you're lucky he'll hate you one day? Ya that's what's up in this episode. Considered every single one of your triggers warned... it's Eddie season. 

Famous prankster Dawson Leery gets a taste of his own medicine when a swarm of disembodied titties haunts him throughout his own Halloween party. 

Guess what? This episode is mostly a rant about toxic masculinity. You like that? Welcome to the Creekend! Key moments include bra fittings, an extremely British pronunciation of "nipples" and that time Aliah tattooed the lyrics to "Toxicity" on Adam's back aka their meetcute... D:

The laws of the patriarchy dictate that when a hot bartender calls you basic for not being obsessed with Jack Kerouac, you must feel an overwhelming urge to fuck him, even after he rejects your kiss. Listen, we don't make these rules, we simply scream about them while testing our oreo limits. Does this sound like the podcast for you??

This week we ultimately realize that we have absolutely no idea how the stock market works and that Joey is in dire need of a lil' thing called self respect. Dawson somehow is the biggest douche this week despite only being in the last 30 seconds of the episode.

This episode is so deeply about Oreos that we actually rank characters' toxicity within the parameters of Oreo stuffed-ness. If that makes sense to you, you might enjoy this episode.

SEASON 6 BABYYYYY!!!! We were so excited to cross this milestone until we understood what it entailed. Light a candle, say a prayer. Joey and Dawson have fulfilled a lifelong obligation. They have absolutely banged in the least sexual manner young 90s minds could imagine. Are we finally free from the chains of Dawson's adolescent wet dream? Or does the top keep spinning? This episode has top energy.

That's a wrap on season 5! AT LAST. Tune in for masterful Alex-Pacey psychosexual games and extremely painful Dawson-Joey airport kissing. And oh yeah, a certain "Peter Pan Ne'er Do Well" (Todd) makes a brief return.

Have you ever reallllly thought about why Jordan Knight danced sexually at a carnival? This week, we take you there. Probably more tangent than actual substance (which we know you love :)), we do get a heavy dose of cougardom with the introduction of Alex and the reappearance of... Rachel? Old lady who fucks Dawson... mysteriously.

Three eps in one VanDerFreaks! We painfully reenact Joey's turn as a front woman for Charlie's band... (she hates herself for loving you and so do we!). We finally meet Mr. Smallsssssssss, who Grams cannot keep her hands off of. And finally, SPRANG BRAKKKK. We need beer we need jello. 

Joey is mugged in Downtown Crossing by an "interesting" douche who helps her work through her daddy issues by staring into her eyes as she dies... also Jen STILL has her period.