The Other Half: A GI Joe Podcast

This issue begins with Breaker and Stalker busting up a clandestine Cobra operating base. Cobra Commander catches wind, and burns the whole operation to stop them from uncovering important secret information... but not before our badass Joes escape with a snippet of Cobra's latest plot: assassination! Hawk sends in Scarlett (who is very annoyed) and Clutch (who just cannot stop himself from be a shitheel) off on a mission to protect Cobra's quarry from a slew of attacks. While Stalker (who did nothing wrong ever) and Snake-Eyes (who I'm pretty sure murdered an old lady) get sent out to dig up more info about the plot. A mysteriously charitable Cobra Commander spares a number of his grunts despite their failures, and his terrible machinations come together in a shockingly cohesive plan to frame the United States and the GI Joes for assassinating a foreign dignitary! Will Stalker and Snake-Eyes warn their comrades in time to save a life -- and their reputations? Will Cobra Commander finally win a match in this long-standing game? Will Clutch make a concerted effort to be less of a misogynistic butthole? Let's find out.

This issue begins with split focus between the GI Joe team trudging through snow, and playing grab-ass and Cobra planning world (and galactic?) domination from their underwater fortress of evil. Hawk arrives, showing the Joes what a badass he is by wearing his sleeves rolled up in the arctic, and (rightfully) yelling at Clutch for being a complete ding-dong. You know what that means: Yep, it's a new mission. The Joes will take their arctic training to... sunny and delightful Florida to protect the launch of an American satellite with the capability of detecting Cobra's secret underwater bases. The team divides up into groups, and gets into position just in time for Cobra to make it's move! Giant amphibious walker mechs assault the launch platform, and an all out brawl ensues! With laser cannons, orbital launches, close calls, and one-liners abound, can the Joes fight off Cobra and save the day?

This issue kicks off with Cobra at the precipice of victory. Cobra Commander takes the RTV, and the Russian spy craft... leaving a pair of sadistic goons behind to "clean up loose ends." Some quick thinking from Clutch -- and a handy bit of remote-control tech -- leaves the snakes riddled with holes, and the Joes and their tentative Octobet Guard pals with the opportunity to run down Cobra Commander like the snake he is. All the way to his stronghold in Iran. Using the J.U.M.P. (Jet Unit Mobile Propulsion) and a little more sexism, the team preps for the assault... but are they playing right into Cobra Commander's hand? The teams split up and all hell breaks loose, but once again our favorite misogynist comes in Clutch by trading in his pig costume for a snake disguise.

Our Joes make it back to the Pit after a big mission just in time to -- you guessed it -- be handed another! After some snappy jokes, and a little bit of sexism, Hawk briefs the team about the gig, and a brand new toy. They'll be taking the R.T.V (rough terrain vehicle) into the Kush Mountains in Afghanistan to hunt for a downed Russian spy plane. It's been captured by one of USA's rebel allies who will happily hand it over to the team in exchange for anti-tank missiles, equipment ((which will absolutely not bite anybody in the ass, rest assured)) and the opportunity to hurt the Russians. After meeting with the rebels and their CIA contact, the Joes secure the payload and head underway without trouble. Or so it would seem... because just as Clutch pauses to indulge in a little more sexism, the OCTOBER GUARD leap into action. It's an all out Brawl as the Joes fail to outrun the Russians, and then, amidst the chaos... Cobra Commander strikes.

It's all tanks, all the time, as the Joes' high-tech MOBAT (Multi-Ordnance Battle Tank) is set to appear in the Armed Forces Day Parade. It's part a sly plan on the part of General Flagg to show the Joint Chiefs that, teched-out as the MOBAT is, it's indistinguishable on the outside from mainline tanks. Cobra gets word of what's going on, though, and sets out to bag a tank. They Joes are forced to use every trick the MOBAT's got to take on Cobra with no ammo.

A Montana militia called "Strike First" becomes the Joes' problem when it turns out the militia's secretly funded by Cobra. A small Joe team goes undercover - ultimate infantryman, Grunt, and in a rare case, Hawk himself - with a very snarky Snake-Eyes observing from outside the compound. The militia, led by a crackpot named Wingfield, decides to use its Cobra-provided nuke(!) to trick the U.S. and Russia into a full war, so the militia can emerge like Red Dawn kids to rebuild the world in their image.

The Joes haul a seemingly defunct Cobra robot - that's as big as the Hulk - back to their secret base for study. Turns out, that's what Cobra Commander wanted. A chemical time wakes the robot and it starts rampaging toward the surface to transmit the base location to Cobra - who's got a massive strike force in the air ready to wreck GI Joe HQ. The Joes have to stop the unstoppable robot with no weapons.

The Joes are sent to the Arctic to investigate a U.S. research station wiped out commando-style. There, they get their asses royally kicked by Inuit mercenary Kwinn, destined to appear in future issues. What follows includes: MacGyver-style snow skiffs, low-frequency fear waves, some dubious Inuit aphorisms, and one of the coolest endings in the series.

A teaser episode where we discuss the first episode of G.I. Joe, and wonder whether Snake Eyes might be a sociopath.