Let Me Fix You Dammit!

*Our rambly, grobbly intro *I'm negative! And cuddling! *Why don't we get into terrible horrible things *Hard to joke about a nipple belt after the nine vulva bag *Let's hear how many people Bob Saget defiled *Anyway, back to the murders *Murvers. Murvers? *Brains just fart *Dissected him i the basement, as you do *You're the trash bag. That's what you get called *Oh, is that all? No, gosh no. *What number represents human misery? *Now that we've diagnosed me with sociopathy from WebMD --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

*Now say hello like a normal person you aren't *Don't try this at home *Cheers! *Just me and the water *Humanity, to be human, contains great good and great evil, or at least the potential for it *You clink then drink *You're in survival mode, and the effects will happen later *I don't live in redacted, I live in redacted *There is not a person in the healthcare field that does not have PTSD *I can understand that in my head. However, I can't get out of my head *How dare you, on our duo comedy podcast, give me someone to bounce off of *Old timey shitty about it *That makes all the sense *Big shock - Freud was pushing for some psychoanalysis *Which is a step up from the British executing 300 folks *Another fun historical - well, not fun *Alexander the Great seems pretty sus *Just me and the struggling soldiers of the Napoleonic Wars --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Good second season evening! Welcome to Let Me Fix You Dammit with Rae and the ghost of Tim Let's get into some trauma! Thankfully I've now activated the cat Hypnosis is pretty cool! Not a prodigy of crime I so greatly apologize to our French listeners A workable working relationship One such case wasn't Until they reeaaaaaally weren't DSM&M --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Hey everyone! We are SO SORRY this took so long. Life definitely got in the way these last few weeks. But we have failed you and beg your forgiveness :-) *I am a man of letters and I get to redefine the dictionary *And like a half-maid of honor *Ew! Oh! God! Ew! *I don't like words anymore *We do not recommend drinking away your problems because you won't *Use your vocal cords out loud *Let's go with Wendigo *It's one of my favorite historical facts that's about poop --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

***edit to the podcast:: I've now been told that cow tipping is NOT actually a thing. I feel lied to my entire life!! *There should be a creepy uncle at every wedding *I'm over here for you *My mommy's the best! *go CDC! *treat yourself with some patience, too *I'll cherish that for like 10 minutes *a xylophone does make a powerful parent attacking weapon *let me fix you dammit does not condone violence *Jerry the Jumping French Man of Maine *from jumping Frenchmen to dying cows --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

not a damn good situation, but a damn good transition *my perfect joke is ruined *you'll become more of an adult the first time you've done your taxes *your virginity is your business, no one else's *it's a whole mer-muh-maaaah! *dull it with your Shield of Self Knowledge *doing Phantomly Opera-like things *don't make me hope that Mike dies! *you just said you hated me - I'm going to shut my mouth! ...Actually, one more thing.... *I think there's some comfort in this is how it should be *step up and be there for your parents *no transition today - let's talk about dicks! *it's all turtles' fault *somebody is waiting to scam you on this mental health disorder today! --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

*It counts in my heart *my brain disasterizes everything *creamy deliciousness that you can't imagine *but I do have a key to your "back door" *if you'd like Rae to break into your home... *sometimes making the right choice doesn't lead to a happy ending *therapists have therapists, and they do for a reason *in fact it's Brittany's law *we can't call it Brittany's law *do you HAVE to deal with them, or do you GET to hang out with them? *Amok! Amok! Amok! *just running around having a stab --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

*Haaapplltttiiiw! *Drunk me had an itch to scratch *Reedaaacteede!! ...Yeah! *That's hard on the outside and spiky on the inside *Even *I* would have taken "iron maiden" as a compliment *Most humans are (squishy) when you open them up *15 steps to disappointment - tl;dr *Doing this with you has been nothing but non-stop...disappointment? *But with me it absolutely does have those conotations *It's about as solid as my wife's butt *You think you have a hangnail and suddenly you're dying from brain cancer *I clicked on the link for Winchester Hospital because of Supernatural *Let me Severus Snape on over here *I often feel like Jayne from Firefly *So what's the one that uses mirrors?! * the iPhonetic --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

* Until I've talked to you, you do not exist *I'm basically still a child *This 4th time, I'm not Tim! *When you sit on your hands, do you ever squeeze your butt? *We all went down to the sock hop and danced the jitterbug! *That's what I'm here for Tim - to fuck with your confidence *I'm the guy who feels nothing for his birthday *Green means come up and lick my mouth! *It puts a song in your heart and that song is a dirge! *That's a fun little spiral *You hear bombs exploding in your head - have you TRIED relaxing? *It might go away with time. Who knows? Not us! *No matter what it is, you've got brain cancer --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

If something's gonna fix your mental health it's gonna be a good meatloaf It's not always easy to get that lesson If you fall of the wagon, the wagon stops for you As adults you don't take months off You're gonna be the ghost of Flag Day I know I say that every week, but Zeemin's Teemins --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Therapy is awesome even when it doesn't feel great If the glove doesn't fit, you must aquit- yourself, of that therapist Eh, sometimes you're going to have low-level food poisoning for years and years on end Go Google Spoon Theory We need farmers and we need you! Anyways, videogames were a mistake --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Yet again I fixed my back There's no way that's not creepy It wasn't not not a fight Cruisin for that ER visit Instead I'm going to say thank you so much Bless your heart for giving me that pity laugh I'm glad the truth of my statement shone through the terrible grammar of my sentence In no way, shape, or form does your first therapist remind me of Dirty Dancing And fuck - ok yeah we did that too Philosophy 102 up your own butt type of thoughts I'm going to paint our friend over here, Dead Fish Oh my god, Chez McDonald's! Ooh! Tune in next week for "oops! all disorders!" --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Congratulations on fixing your positive outlook on life what did you do today that was great? I'm really going to rep Applebee's bathrooms HelloFresh - Fuck you! Sponser us! Use code Boanthropy for nothingoff of anything Queen of segues and Crankypants Sorry to any republi- oh no I'm not That was the breakthrough of the willenium Yes I still have crayons, don't judge me --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

We welcome Amanda on this latest podcast of LMFYD! I'm here to 3rd wheel myself Every teacher gets a fire hose to keep the kids socially distant! I am the answer to "why is the rum gone?" Also the answer to "who brought the rum?" with me, any health issues is crossing right over into anxiety let me embarrass myself, Rae! Touch starved as fuck it happened in a dream - moms can't be angry! but one thing that's permanent is our love for you So basically, you want to fuck a car and then eat it --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Another warning point for you listeners DIY home anti-gravity water slide McDonald's blizzards and Dairy Queen's Whoppers; Sometimes your best is just surviving the day; Heather is my pseudonym apparently; You're good at producing words endlessly; Jerks exist but they're jerks!; Can't believe this podcast supports nepotism; I was never wrong about anything in my life!; Hopefully that helps and if it doesn't throw it right in the trash! --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Welcome to episode 13 of LMFYD! Have some out of context quotes. We know you love 'em! Have you tried living uphill of your work? Have you tried? I think my brain has no effect on my body; and then one day when he goes for that f****** cup Make it a choice not a reaction I'll give a lot of credit to the banana You said what now? Get in the ring Very vigorously support asexual and aromantic people It is July of the year 20covid Till death do us part. After that, we're done Only positive tweets from old professors There is not a rule against a dog being your therapist --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

There were some audio issues during this post that weren't fixable. But that means YOU get a bonus episode!! There is definitely a **trigger warning** for this episode. Parts of it may be difficult to listen to. But we welcome the wonderful Kristi!! --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Special guest Jenna joins us for an amazing episode! And now, for your weekly out of context quotes! LMFYD, the BDSM podcast That'll be good for our consummation - Hope you're listening mom! So proud of GenZ What are they gonna do, throw me out? Wait, let me just get political for like 27 minutes You miss the ladies! We all da best here I think Germany counts Honeybruh! When they say they're putrefying, they are not lying I wanna be Mademoiselle X! --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Here, have some out of context quotes. We know you love 'em : Stop and decease! I love debranching vigorously! Na, we're still not open Yaaaaaaas queen, use that word! Recondidic My facial head-on, 1 on 1 photography phase The NSA knows when I lived at 123 Butt St Your wedding gift is a check for $5,000 The sport of candlefighting --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

a BIG welcome to special guest Ben! And now for your out of context quotes: Have you tried what I did, which is nothing? A glass throwing duel I'm not social enough for dick picks The police brutality is proving the point about police brutality Protesting is inherently Jewish A lot of folks don't get to choose safety based entirely on their skin color This isn't a political podcast and I am SO GLAD we can get political on it I need a bloomin onion, but racial justice is off the table Did you just call me Rush Limbaugh?! Uranium grade Batman V Superman hot-takes Therapy with bows and arrows Cows are dicks. Nevermind. Ouchtro --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

And now, for some out of context quotes: Everyone must listen to us! Let me fix your vocabulary, dammit! 20 six year olds in unison (defeated me) Words, leave the room! Murder is "wrong"...so they say #sayhisname #georgefloyd Just steal jokes Always be wary of putting people on pedestals My husband YELLED at you?! ELEVATORS! --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Out of context quotes from this episode: It's not the Misery Olympics I would like to copyright that joke You're Rae. You're motherfucking RAE! The worst that could happen game The bike sucks a bag of air A skidmark story for the ages It went grood --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

TRIGGER WARNING! Due to the nature of this podcast, there are times when Let Me Fix You Dammit! will touch on topics that are difficult to hear. This is one of those times. A very special thank you to guest Harry! Some out of context quotes: She was real I heard fapping. Nope! Guesting on a podcast is a surmountable hill I almost walked off the digital set "drafts" The horror movie is me hearing about this right now Eh, they got sources at the bottom Michael First is the first in various fields of study --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

A very big thank you to special guest Jessie!! #TheHorriblenessOfBeingSingleDuringQuarantine, #SoYesIDatedPillows, #IAmAFatPersonAndIOwnIt, #PeopleWhoAreAthleticAreAmazingCreaturesToStudy, #LetsCelebrateShrimpByNotEatingThem, #EverySoOftenIJustDontBeCareful, #GetYourOwnFuckingGatorade, #AwwIHateYouToo, #Timbo:SkeeveOffTheCorner, #AndAgainImSorryFlorence --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

#ATimTrainOfThoughts, #OurPsychologicalDifferencesMeshUpSoWell, #LetsFixEverythingButThis, #ThanksSchmedFex, #IGotThatMoonEnergy, #EuropeanAssWillGetYouArrestedUnderTrump, #ABetterBargainOnMyButts, #HaveYouTriedNotThinkingAboutMothers, #IfYouKnowWhatTheHumanBodyIsLetMeKnow --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

#DoYouLikeDrama, #LetsCallHerSusan, #AreYouLookingForSolutionsOrAreYouLookingToRant #IDon'tKnowThatLastWeekHappened, #CanWeDoAStevenUniverseFusionDance, #WeAreUpEachOthersAssesALot, #SheIsAGrownAdultAssHealthyWoman, #IWillPunchYouInTheFaceWithAChair, #PausePausePauseINeedToGetMoreWine, #HowCouldYouIFeelSoBetrayed, #NotThatEatingPeopleIsn'tBadEnough --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

#IAmPolyamorous, #GoogleCalendarIsMyBestFriend, #DrinkTheWineTimItWillMakeItGoBetter, #HooBoyHowdyIsAPodcastALotOfLearnByDoing, #IfYouWantToSucceedYouMustFirstLearnToFail, #Where'sMyProfessionalAbilityYeahTim --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

#ThisOne'sTheBlooperReel, #IBetYouAreAZeroBaby, #MyGrowingUpCisWhiteBoyIsShowing, #I'mTheWorstNerdEver, #WhenPizza'sOnABagelWeCanBeatThis, #ReleaseTheChinchillasAlicia, #Anxiety!, #LetMeLevelsDammit, #IWantToGoToACheesecakeWaffleHouse, #WeDon'tCookTheEccentricBillionaireUntilYearTwo --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

The audio on this is truly awful. We know. It gets way better. #BlatherOnFor45Minutes, #LetsTalkAboutNosePicking, #BestcaseFuckingScenario, #DiggingForGold, #ImALotForALotOfPeople, #YoureTalkingBadlyAboutMyFriend, #VaginaDoctor, #WhatsWrongWithVaginasTIM, #GrammarIsADemon --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app