Podcasts about freud

Although I believe that transference interpretation is the core mechanism of change in psychoanalysis, I don't believe it's the only mechanism. I think there are other things that go on too. I also think that alongside the transference relationship, there's a real relationship. The final chapter of the book is titled "A Cure by Love", and I do think that in the real relationship between patient and analyst, something happens. People speak of corrective emotional experiences. I believe that they occur, but I also believe that for them to really bring about change, you need to analyze them. You need to understand what has happened between you. This comes back to the question of countertransference enactment. Countertransference enactments are inevitable. They're not a bad thing, they're an inevitability. What would be a bad thing would be if they went unnoticed and unanalysed. So, there are opportunities. This is the sort of thing that my analysis was about. A core part of it was about my desire to connect with my father in a way that I never was able to achieve. This countertransference enactment, it's accurately described as that, but it's also diminished if it's only described as that. That was one of many opportunities for me to understand my own transference, but also it was a real thing that happened between me and him, which made me feel that he cared for me.  Then again, this is real, and it's grist for the mill of understanding why it means so much."  Episode Description: Mark shares with us aspects of his personal story, his analysis, his neuropsychology research and two clinical examples. He describes how neuroscience has discovered the mind "much like the one Freud sketched out in the first decades of the 20th century...merely by listening closely to what his patients told him." He reports on the impact of his brother's brain injury on his later interest in neuropsychology as well as his childhood conflicts over surpassing him. Regarding the issue of cure, we note both the importance of his identification with his analyst, which reflected his trying to reach his distant father, as well as the value of being able to recover traumatic memories. We consider the centrality of consciousness in the study of the brain, "Unless we adjust our research methods to accommodate subjective experience, we shall never understand how the brain works." Mark shares with us his current efforts to create an AI agent that has access to some version of 'feelings'. We discuss a patient who, through transference reliving of childhood trauma, was able to live a freer life and how dynamic treatment uniquely provides a sleeper effect whereby self-awareness and improvement continues after the treatment is completed. He closes "Looking back over my decades of involvement with psychoanalysis, I believe I can honestly recommend it as a way of thinking and working and being. There's something very powerful about the notion that, simply by attending closely to the feelings and memories of another person - the seemingly inconsequential details of a life - we can gain insights not only into their inner worlds, but into the deep structure of all souls."   Linked Episodes: https://ipaoffthecouch.org/2024/10/20/episode-168-psychoanalysis-and-the-working-through-of-a-vineyards-slave-history-with-mark-solms-phd-cape-town/   Our Guest: Mark Solms, PhD is a member of the British Psychoanalytical Society and the American and South African Psychoanalytic Associations. He is Director of Neuropsychology at the Neuroscience Institute of the University of Cape Town and honorary lecturer in Neurosurgery at St Bartholomew's and Royal London Hospital Medical School. He is an Honorary Fellow of the American College of Psychiatrists, the director of the Science Department of APsA and director of Training for SAPA. He has received numerous honors and awards, including the Sigourney Prize. He has published 400 scientific papers, and nine books, the latest being The Only Cure (2026). He is the authorized editor and translator of the Revised Standard Edition of the Complete Psychological Works of Sigmund Freud (24 volumes) and the forthcoming Complete Neuroscientific Works of Sigmund Freud (4 volumes).  Recommended Readings:  Solms, M. (2026) Did Strachey falsely scientize Freud? Psychoanalytic Psychology, 43: 249-257   Solms, M. (2024) The mechanism of change in the 'talking cure': A neuropsychoanalytic perspective. In S. Gullestad, E. Stänicke, M. Leuzinger-Bohleber (eds.), Psychoanalytic Studies of Change: An Integrative Perspective, London: Routledge, pp. 114-127.   Lee, T. & Solms, M. (2023) Managing the clinical encounter with patients diagnosed with personality disorder in a general psychiatry setting: key contributions from neuropsychoanalysis. British Journal of Psychiatry Advances, doi: 10.1192/bja.2023.43   Solms, M. (2023) Freud's error. In F. Busch & N. Delgado (eds.) The Ego and the Id: 100 Years Later. London: Routledge, pp. 1-13.   Solms, M. (2022) Revision of Freud's theory of the biological origin of the Oedipus complex. Psychoanalytic Quarterly, 90: 555-581.   Solms, M. (2021) Revision of drive theory. Journal of the American Psychoanalytic Association, 69, 1033-1091. DOI: 10.1177/00030651211057041   Solms, M. (2021) The Hidden Spring: A Journey to the Source of Consciousness. New York: W.W. Norton, London: Profile Books.   Solms, M. (2020) New project for a scientific psychology. Neuropsychoanalysis, 22: 5-35.    Solms M. (2019) The Hard Problem of Consciousness and the Free Energy Principle. Frontiers of Psychology, 10: 2714. 

Subscribe to get access to the full episode, the episode reading list, and all premium episodes! www.patreon.com/OrdinaryUnhappinessThe Ordinary Unhappiness journey through the landscape of modern narcissism continues – and arrives in the United States! In this episode, Abby, Patrick, and Dan turn to the work of Karen Horney, a figure who has variously been called a Neo-Freudian, a forerunner of Interpersonal Psychoanalysis, a key player in a psychoanalytic “Cultural Turn,” and one of the first prominent psychoanalytic feminists. But as Abby, Patrick, and Dan explore, such labels fall short of capturing the power of Horney's insights and the lucidity of her prose. Rejecting Freud's misogyny and his biological account of drives, Horney developed a psychoanalytic approach that was thoroughly cultural and that emphasized notions of selfhood and identity. For Horney, “neurosis” (IE, non-psychotic mental illness and problems in living) reflected the ways in which an individual's strategies for emotional survival, first developed during their childhood in response to distress in the family environment, could crystalize into maladaptive patterns for relating to both the self and to others. Horney thus saw “narcissism” as useful only insofar as the term pinpointed “self-inflation” as a defensive strategy that, as Abby, Patrick, and Dan explain, comes at a painful and alienating price.Have you noticed that Freud is back? Got questions about psychoanalysis? Or maybe you've traversed the fantasy and lived to tell the tale? Leave us a voicemail! (646) 450-0847A podcast about psychoanalysis, politics, pop culture, and the ways we suffer now. New episodes on Saturdays. Find us online:http://www.ordinaryunhappiness.comX: @UnhappinessPodInstagram: @OrdinaryUnhappinessPatreon: http://www.patreon.com/OrdinaryUnhappinessTheme song:Formal Chicken - Gnossienne No. 1https://open.spotify.com/album/2MIIYnbyLqriV3vrpUTxxOProvided by Fruits Music

Marxism Got Into The Church. John Zmirak Says It Never Really Left. Today On The Eric Metaxas Show, John Zmirak joins Eric to discuss how the ideas of Charles Darwin, Karl Marx, and Sigmund Freud influenced modern Christianity. Zmirak argues that some churches tried to accommodate ideas they considered intellectually respectable and, in the process, began explaining away biblical miracles, reshaping Christian teaching around Marxist politics, and replacing traditional ideas about sin with Freudian psychology. Eric and John discuss Darwinism, Genesis, the Resurrection, liberation theology, Freud's influence, and what happens when Christians become embarrassed by the supernatural claims at the heart of their faith. Earlier, Eric continues his remarkable story from Greece and shares an update on plans to excavate the site believed to contain the palace of Odysseus.   John Zmirak Joins Darwin, Marx And Freud Inside The Church Why Christians Began Explaining Away Miracles How Marxism Entered Christian Churches Can Christianity Survive Without The Supernatural? Zmirak On Freud And Christian Morality Why Freud's Ideas Survived After His Theories Fell Apart C.S. Lewis, Freud And Eric's Unexpected Connection   Watch this video at- https://youtu.be/qvidVTUDGkE?si=xWigxQ7x7eh64glt Eric Metaxas 97.3K subscribers 14,182 views Premiered Sep 11, 2026 The Eric Metaxas Show ⭐ ORDER NOW: Revolution: The Birth of the Greatest Nation in the History of the World

Andrew Scull is a historian of psychiatry. Thank you for listening ❤ Check out our sponsors: https://lexfridman.com/sponsors/ep502-sc See below for timestamps, transcript, and to give feedback, submit questions, contact Lex, etc. Transcript: https://lexfridman.com/andrew-scull-transcript CONTACT LEX: Feedback – give feedback to Lex: https://lexfridman.com/survey AMA – submit questions, videos or call-in: https://lexfridman.com/ama Hiring – join our team: https://lexfridman.com/hiring Other – other ways to get in touch: https://lexfridman.com/contact EPISODE LINKS: Andrew’s Website (UCSD faculty page): https://sociology.ucsd.edu/people/faculty/emeritus/andrew-scull.html Desperate Remedies (book): https://amzn.to/4vmBquI Madness in Civilization (book): https://amzn.to/3SZhd0I SPONSORS: To support this podcast, check out our sponsors & get discounts: Wispr Flow: AI-powered voice dictation app. Go to https://wisprflow.ai/lex Fin: AI agent for customer service. Go to https://fin.ai/lex LMNT: Zero-sugar electrolyte drink mix. Go to https://drinkLMNT.com/lex Shopify: Sell stuff online. Go to https://shopify.com/lex BetterHelp: Online therapy and counseling. Go to https://betterhelp.com/lex Perplexity: AI-powered answer engine. Go to https://perplexity.ai/ OUTLINE: (00:00) – Introduction (01:07) – Sponsors, Comments, and Reflections (08:10) – Crisis in Psychiatry (37:48) – Categories of Mental Illness (45:07) – Asylums, Eugenics, and the Nazis (57:13) – The Ice Pick Lobotomy (1:03:26) – Malaria “Cure” for Syphilis (1:21:42) – Insulin Coma Therapy (1:29:34) – Electroconvulsive Therapy (ECT) (1:49:03) – One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (2:06:35) – Freud and Psychoanalysis (2:36:30) – WWII and Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) (2:57:04) – Antipsychotics (3:20:24) – Antidepressants (3:33:18) – Future of Psychiatry PODCAST LINKS: – Podcast Website: https://lexfridman.com/podcast – Apple Podcasts: https://apple.co/2lwqZIr – Spotify: https://spoti.fi/2nEwCF8 – RSS: https://lexfridman.com/feed/podcast/ – Podcast Playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLrAXtmErZgOdP_8GztsuKi9nrraNbKKp4 – Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/lexclips

Every biblical counselor assumes their approach comes straight from Scripture alone, but what if the underlying architecture came from an apologist rather than a counselor? In this third episode of our MarsCast series on biblical counseling, Dr. Jared Poulton joins Jared and Dr. Alan Strange to reveal the hidden intellectual DNA of the biblical counseling movement: how Cornelius Van Til's presuppositional apologetics (covenantal knowledge, the antithesis, the rejection of "brute facts") became the theological scaffolding Jay Adams built his entire system on.But it's not a simple story of inheritance. Dr. Strange raises a pointed challenge about what gets lost when the antithesis is applied to counseling without its necessary counterweight, common grace, right down to what that means for how Christians assess the insights of secular psychology. If you've ever wondered why biblical counselors are so skeptical of Freud, CBT, or trauma therapy, this episode traces that instinct straight back to its source. Find Dr. Poulton's book here.

In this episode of Biographers in Conversation, Jeffrey Meyers chats with Dr Gabriella Kelly-Davies about Parallel Lives: From Freud and Mann to Arbus and Plath  Here's what you'll discover in this episode: Jeffrey Meyers adopted Plutarch's parallel lives approach in Parallel Lives, pairing famous figures to uncover common threads of creativity, ambition and struggle across different fields. Jeffrey selected subjects based on their creative genius and discovered connections, whether through direct relationships or shared psychological and artistic patterns. Jeffrey structured chapters by interweaving the two biographies chronologically from the start rather than alternating focus between subjects. Jeffrey  used personal interviews and unpublished sources as most revealing, including conversations with Sylvia Plath's mother and unpublished manuscripts. Jeffrey adjusted his authorial voice when writing about different subjects, recognising that Hitler required a different tone than Sylvia Plath.

John Paul II is the most important psychologist of the twentieth century — and almost no one knows it. In three dense paragraphs on the subconscious, he named what Freud got wrong and gave us a fuller picture of the human person. Dr. Greg sits down with Fr. Randy Sly to trace how a pilgrimage through Poland turned a philosopher he'd studied for twenty-five years into a father he'd finally met — and why that kind of encounter, not more theory, is what integration actually asks of us. Key Topics: What John Paul II saw about the subconscious that Freud missed entirely Why studying a saint for twenty-five years isn't the same as actually meeting him How explaining integration can be the very thing that keeps you from it Why you don't have to be in crisis to need help becoming who you're meant to be What it means to be a channel instead of a closed loop — and why receiving isn't optional if you want to keep giving Learn More: Join us at the Summit of Integration this October in Dallas — launching the Year of St. John Paul II The Personalist Cure — Dr. Greg's upcoming book, launching this October at the Summit Sign up for our newsletter Fr. Randy Sly's podcast: The Follow to Lead Podcast Integration Pilgrimages — the encounter-focused pilgrimage Dr. Greg helped lead this summer Practice Catholic mindfulness to find the presence of God in the moment  Go deeper in the integrated life through the Integrated Life app and community  John Paul II on the subconscious: Person and Act and Related Essays by Karol Wojtyła Duc in Altum Schools Collaborative Black Elk Healing Retreat (Wyoming) Need help? Schedule a free CatholicPsych consultation Want to help? Learn more about our Certification in Professional Accompaniment Follow Us on Socials: Instagram | Facebook | YouTube | Twitter (X) | LinkedIn

5 Hours and 46 MinutesPG-13Josh Neal is a former psychology professor and author of the books "American Extremist" and "Understanding Conspiracy Theories Vol. 1"Episode 1009: Individualism, Anarchism and SociopathyEpisode 1144: 'Woke Right-Type' Accusations are Nothing New Episode 1192: Anti-Conspiracy Activist's Self-Interested Motivations Episode 1216: Freud, Sexual Abuse, and B'nai B'rithThe ArticleIntolerant InterpretationsJosh's SubstackJosh's YouTubeAmerican ExtremistUnderstanding Conspiracy Theroies Vol. 1Pete and Thomas777 'At the Movies'Support Pete on His WebsitePete's PatreonPete's SubstackPete's SubscribestarPete's GUMROADPete's VenmoPete's Buy Me a CoffeePete on FacebookPete on TwitterBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-pete-quinones-show--6071361/support.

Books do more than tell stories. They preserve memory, shape identity, challenge assumptions and help us understand our place in the world. For the Jewish people, the written word has always carried an even deeper responsibility. Books have enabled our history, values and collective memory to survive across centuries and continents. Yet even the most meaningful book needs someone who understands how to carry it beyond the page—into the hands of readers, the attention of the media and the heart of a community. I am honoured to welcome Yehudit Singer-Freud to my podcast, founder of Singer Publicity and a passionate advocate for Jewish authors, Jewish ideas and the enduring power of literature. For more than fifteen years, Yehudit has helped authors, award-winning writers and prominent Israeli personalities introduce their work to English-speaking audiences around the world. Her career began in New York at distinguished institutions including the YIVO Institute for Jewish Research and the Consulate General of Israel. At YIVO, surrounded by archives, manuscripts and antique books, Yehudit discovered that the written word does more than document history—it can safeguard the identity and memory of an entire people. Today, through Singer Publicity, she creates personalized campaigns for books exploring Jewish life, culture, history, ideas and Israel. She guides writers through the complexities of publishing, develops thoughtful publicity strategies, secures media and podcast opportunities and helps authors build lasting platforms. But Yehudit's work begins with something deceptively simple: listening. Before developing a campaign, she listens carefully to the author's story, purpose and hopes. She understands that behind every manuscript is a human being who has invested part of their soul in bringing an idea into the world. At a time when Jewish voices are too often misunderstood, marginalized or ignored, Yehudit's work has taken on even greater significance. She is not merely promoting books; she is helping preserve memory, defend truth and ensure that important Jewish stories continue to be heard. On this episode of The Avrum Rosensweig Show, we explore the changing world of publishing, the challenges confronting Jewish writers, the art of bringing a book to the public and the urgent fight to keep Jewish literature alive. Please welcome Yehudit Singer-Freud. ——

Books do more than tell stories. They preserve memory, shape identity, challenge assumptions and help us understand our place in the world. For the Jewish people, the written word has always carried an even deeper responsibility. Books have enabled our history, values and collective memory to survive across centuries and continents. Yet even the most meaningful book needs someone who understands how to carry it beyond the page—into the hands of readers, the attention of the media and the heart of a community. I am honoured to welcome Yehudit Singer-Freud to my podcast, founder of Singer Publicity and a passionate advocate for Jewish authors, Jewish ideas and the enduring power of literature. For more than fifteen years, Yehudit has helped authors, award-winning writers and prominent Israeli personalities introduce their work to English-speaking audiences around the world. Her career began in New York at distinguished institutions including the YIVO Institute for Jewish Research and the Consulate General of Israel. At YIVO, surrounded by archives, manuscripts and antique books, Yehudit discovered that the written word does more than document history—it can safeguard the identity and memory of an entire people. Today, through Singer Publicity, she creates personalized campaigns for books exploring Jewish life, culture, history, ideas and Israel. She guides writers through the complexities of publishing, develops thoughtful publicity strategies, secures media and podcast opportunities and helps authors build lasting platforms. But Yehudit's work begins with something deceptively simple: listening. Before developing a campaign, she listens carefully to the author's story, purpose and hopes. She understands that behind every manuscript is a human being who has invested part of their soul in bringing an idea into the world. At a time when Jewish voices are too often misunderstood, marginalized or ignored, Yehudit's work has taken on even greater significance. She is not merely promoting books; she is helping preserve memory, defend truth and ensure that important Jewish stories continue to be heard. On this episode of The Avrum Rosensweig Show, we explore the changing world of publishing, the challenges confronting Jewish writers, the art of bringing a book to the public and the urgent fight to keep Jewish literature alive. Please welcome Yehudit Singer-Freud. ——

What does it mean to talk about “patriarchy” in the present? What are the origins of the term, its uses, and its limits? How has it impacted popular discourse, and why does it seem to have gone out of fashion in the academy? And in what ways might the term – and the concept – still hold untapped power? To tackle all these questions and more, Abby and Patrick welcome philosopher Robin Dembroff, author of the brilliant new book, Real Men on Top: How Patriarchy Shapes our Reality. Weaving together intellectual history and social commentary, Robin clarifies the origins of patriarchy as a keystone concept in twentieth century feminism, and traces its trajectories, for better and for worse, across the academy and beyond. Offering a new model for thinking about patriarchy in dynamic and structural terms, Robin suggests that we can think of patriarchy as a kind of grammar, a system for ordering social life, for processing individual experiences, and for reproducing logics of exploitation, dominance, and lack. The conversation that ensues not only subverts tired debates (about the crisis of masculinity, male loneliness, and the like) but clarifies their stakes, and suggests new ways of thinking about institutions, solidarity, and struggles going forward.Robin Dembroff, Real Men on Top: How Patriarchy Shapes our RealityMore about Robin here: https://robindembroff.com/A recent piece by Robin: "The 'Real Man' Trap"Selected texts cited:Shulamith Firestone, The Dialectic of Sex: The Case for a Feminist RevolutionDavid Gilmore, Manhood in the Making: Cultural Concepts of MasculinityJL Austin, How to Do Things with WordsHanna Rosin, The End of MenSimone de Beauvoir, The Second SexHave you noticed that Freud is back? Got questions about psychoanalysis? Or maybe you've traversed the fantasy and lived to tell the tale? Leave us a voicemail! (646) 450-0847A podcast about psychoanalysis, politics, pop culture, and the ways we suffer now. New episodes on Saturdays. Find us online:http://www.ordinaryunhappiness.comX: @UnhappinessPodInstagram: @OrdinaryUnhappinessPatreon: http://www.patreon.com/OrdinaryUnhappinessTheme song:Formal Chicken - Gnossienne No. 1https://open.spotify.com/album/2MIIYnbyLqriV3vrpUTxxOProvided by Fruits Music

Today On The Eric Metaxas Show, John Zmirak joins Eric to discuss how the ideas of Charles Darwin, Karl Marx, and Sigmund Freud influenced modern Christianity. Zmirak argues that some churches tried to accommodate ideas they considered intellectually respectable and, in the process, began explaining away biblical miracles, reshaping Christian teaching around Marxist politics, and replacing traditional ideas about sin with Freudian psychology.Eric and John discuss Darwinism, Genesis, the Resurrection, liberation theology, Freud's influence, and what happens when Christians become embarrassed by the supernatural claims at the heart of their faith.Earlier, Eric continues his remarkable story from Greece and shares an update on plans to excavate the site believed to contain the palace of Odysseus.⭐ ORDER NOW:Revolution: The Birth of the Greatest Nation in the History of the World

Parents come to Alanna Beebe's classes hoping to change their kid. But by the second week, most of them realize the person who needs to change is them. Soon after, they notice the same tools working on their boss, colleagues, and staff. None of this surprises Alanna though. Her work rests on Alfred Adler's idea that every human is striving for belonging and significance, and that misbehavior, in a child or an adult, is a discouraged attempt to get there. In this episode, Dart and Alanna explore where agency comes from, why encouragement is not the same as praise, and what parenting can teach us about designing better workplaces.Alanna Beebe is the founder and Managing Director of Sproutable, which helps parents and teachers grow remarkable kids through Positive Discipline. In this episode, Dart and Alanna discuss:- Why discipline was never meant to be punishment- What Adler believed that Freud didn't- What a misbehaving kid is really asking for- Why fixing your kids means changing yourself- Kind and firm at the same time- Where agency comes from, and who takes it away- Why companies extract instead of grow- What shared power looks like in practice- Why money doesn't build motivation- Why encouragement beats praise- And other topics…Alanna Beebe is the founder and Managing Director of Sproutable, a Seattle-based education company that has helped parents, teachers, and caregivers raise socially and emotionally skilled kids since 2016 through coaching, classes, and video content grounded in Positive Discipline and Adlerian psychology. In 2025, she founded Audacious Leadership, offering executive, life, and co-parenting coaching. She is a certified Positive Discipline Educator, Empowering People in the Workplace Educator, and Co-Active Practitioner. Before Sproutable, she spent more than 15 years in public health and early learning communications.Resources Mentioned: Positive Discipline, by Jane Nelsen: https://www.amazon.com/Positive-Discipline-Jane-Nelsen/dp/0345348567 Trust Factor: The Science of Creating High-Performance Companies, by Paul J. Zak: https://www.amazon.com/Trust-Factor-Creating-High-Performance-Companies/dp/0814437664 Peter Liljedahl on Work for Humans: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/thinking-classrooms-how-to-design-environments-that/id1612743401?i=1000631582031 Connect with Alanna: Sproutable: https://www.besproutable.com Audacious Leadership: https://www.audacious-leadership.com  LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanna-beebe-5027967Work with Dart:Dart is the CEO and co-founder of the work design firm 11fold. Build work that makes employees feel alive, connected to their work, and focused on what's most important to the business. Book a call at 11fold.com.

Episode 518: Why So Much Therapy Doesn't Work (And What Actually Does) Hosts: Kevin Cornelius, LMFT Dr. David Burns Guest: Jeremy Karmel What happens when therapy doesn't work? In this provocative episode of The Feeling Good Podcast, David Burns and Jeremy Karmel join Kevin Cornelius to examine some uncomfortable questions about the mental health field: Why do some people remain in therapy for years without getting better? Why do so few therapists measure their patients' progress? What happens when therapists become overly attached to one particular school of therapy? And how can we make psychotherapy more effective, accountable, and evidence-based? Jeremy brings a particularly personal perspective to the conversation. After experiencing severe depression in college and trying numerous forms of therapy without success, he worked with Matt May using TEAM-CBT and experienced a dramatic recovery in roughly two weeks. That experience ultimately led him to become deeply involved in TEAM-CBT and in the development of the Feeling Great app. David and Jeremy describe a list of more than 30 concerns about the way mental health care is commonly practiced today. They emphasize that the goal isn't simply to criticize therapists, but to encourage a radical improvement in the effectiveness of psychotherapy. In This Episode 1. Can financial incentives create a conflict of interest? David and Jeremy explore a difficult question: If therapists are paid by the session, is there an inherent incentive to keep therapy going longer than necessary? They contrast long-term therapy without measurable improvement with a model in which the therapist's goal is to help the client recover as quickly and completely as possible. David argues that therapists should be able to define what successful treatment looks like and determine whether their interventions are actually producing meaningful change. Kevin offers another perspective from his experience at Feeling Good Institute, where brief TEAM-CBT therapy can lead to rapid improvement while also generating referrals because clients recognize that the treatment is effective. 2. Are schools of therapy becoming like "cults"? David and Jeremy question the tendency within psychotherapy to become attached to particular theorists, schools, and treatment models. Instead of assuming that one approach explains every psychological problem, they argue for flexibility. Depression, anxiety, relationship problems, and other difficulties may have very different causes and may require very different interventions. David describes TEAM-CBT as a framework for effective psychotherapy rather than allegiance to one particular technique. He has developed more than 140 techniques and emphasizes selecting methods according to the individual's specific problem. Jeremy points out that therapists and patients can be tempted to treat the ideas of famous figures such as Freud or Carl Rogers as unquestionable truths rather than hypotheses that should be tested against evidence. 3. The refusal to measure Perhaps the strongest theme of the episode is the importance of measurement. David argues that therapists need to know whether their patients are actually improving—not simply assume that they are. His approach involves measuring symptoms at the beginning and end of sessions and tracking changes over time. If a person begins a session feeling 90% depressed and ends at 80%, that's useful information. If the numbers don't improve from week to week, the therapist has evidence that something needs to change. On the other hand, dramatic changes can provide tangible evidence that treatment is working. Jeremy shares the story of a friend who had apparently been depressed for 18 months or more while receiving therapy, yet neither the therapist nor the patient had been systematically measuring whether the depression was improving. 4. Therapists aren't always accurate judges of how their patients feel One of the most surprising parts of the discussion is David's argument that therapists' clinical intuition can be remarkably inaccurate. He describes research in which highly trained clinicians interviewed patients extensively and then estimated how depressed, anxious, angry, or suicidal the patients were. Their estimates were extremely inaccurate compared with the patients' own ratings. The lesson is humbling: We cannot reliably assume that we know how another person feels simply because we've spent a lot of time talking with them. Measurement provides information that intuition cannot. 5. Measurement can transform the therapist, too David explains that measurement isn't simply a way of judging the patient—or judging the therapist. It can become one of the most powerful tools for improving clinical skill. If a therapist believes a session went wonderfully but the patient's ratings show otherwise, the therapist has an opportunity to learn. Likewise, if a particular intervention consistently produces dramatic improvements, measurement can reveal what works and help the therapist do more of it. Kevin shares his own experience of how using testing transformed his work with clients and helped him learn how to become a more effective therapist. 6. What can therapists and patients do differently? The episode ultimately isn't about giving up on therapy. It's about demanding better therapy. David argues that the problems discussed—including conflicts of interest, allegiance to particular schools of therapy, and the failure to measure outcomes—are solvable. Therapists can begin using data to evaluate their effectiveness and become more willing to change their methods when patients aren't improving. Kevin also encourages people seeking therapy to ask prospective therapists whether they use measurement and whether they track progress from session to session. Key Takeaways Therapy should be evaluated by its results. Good intentions, empathy, and a strong therapeutic relationship are important, but they aren't substitutes for meaningful improvement. Therapists need to measure. Without measurement, it can be difficult to know whether a client is improving, staying the same, or getting worse. Don't assume one therapy fits every problem. Different emotional and relationship problems may require different techniques. Question therapeutic dogma. Famous therapists and established schools of therapy can offer valuable ideas, but their claims should be evaluated rather than accepted simply because they come from an authority. Clinical intuition has limits. Even experienced therapists may be surprisingly inaccurate when judging how patients are actually feeling. Measurement is a learning tool. Tracking outcomes doesn't just hold therapists accountable—it helps them discover what works and improve their skills. Patients can become informed consumers of therapy. Asking a prospective therapist how they measure progress can provide valuable information about their approach. Therapy can be brief and effective. The goal shouldn't necessarily be years of treatment; the goal should be meaningful improvement and relapse prevention. The field can change. David, Jeremy, and Kevin emphasize that the problems they identify aren't inevitable. Therapists can adopt more flexible, measurable, evidence-based approaches. A Question for Listeners How do you know if your therapy is working? If you're a therapist, do you routinely measure your clients' symptoms and satisfaction? If you're a therapy client, has anyone ever shown you objective evidence that you're getting better? And perhaps most importantly: Would you have the courage to discover that your current approach isn't working—and then change it? About Jeremy Karmel Jeremy Karmel works with David Burns on the Feeling Great app and became passionate about TEAM-CBT after experiencing a dramatic recovery from severe depression during college. After trying numerous forms of therapy without success, he worked with Matt May and experienced a complete clearing of his depression in approximately two weeks. Coming Up This conversation is the beginning of a larger discussion about the problems—and possibilities—of modern psychotherapy. As Kevin notes at the end of the episode, there are solutions to many of the problems discussed, and future episodes will explore more of them. If You Enjoyed This Episode If this conversation resonated with you, please subscribe to The Feeling Good Podcast, leave a rating or review, and share this episode with someone who struggles with anxiety or avoidance. Your support helps more people discover practical, evidence-based tools for overcoming fear and building happier lives. Listener Survey We'd love to hear from you!Your feedback helps shape future episodes and allows us to create content that is as helpful and meaningful as possible. Please use this link to take the feedback survey and share your thoughts with us about this episode.Your voice matters—and as David points out in this episode, sometimes the most important conversations begin when we're willing to express what we're really thinking and feeling. Thank you for listening to The Feeling Good Podcast! Contact Information Kevin Cornelius, LMFT is a Level 5 Certified Master TEAM-CBT Therapist and Trainer and the Clinical Director of Feeling Good Institute--Silicon Valley. He specializes in the treatment of trauma, anxiety, depression, relationship problems and insomnia. You can reach Kevin at kevin@feelinggoodinstitute.com and visit his website at www.tools4change.me. You can reach Dr. Burns at david@feelinggood.com. Feeling down in these turbulent times? Take a ride on our Feeling Great app. Feeling Great feels wonderful! You owe it to yourself to feel GREAT! Give the Greatest Gifts of ALL--Love and Happiness!

POUR COMMANDER MON LIVRE :https://www.editions-larousse.fr/livre/la-philosophie-cest-pour-vous-aussi-9782036070325/POUR COMMANDER MA BANDE DESSINÉE PHILORAMA : https://www.editions-larousse.fr/livre/philorama-9782036082434/Disponible aussi dans toutes les bonnes librairies !

The Oedipus complex is one of Freud’s most renowned and shocking ideas. In this episode, we dive into the origins of the theory and whether anything really remains once its gendered assumptions and controversial sexual claims are stripped away. We explore:- How the Greek tragedy of Oedipus inspired Freud’s theory- What Freud meant by unconscious childhood desire and parental rivalry- The importance of the phallic stage- How Freud believed it was resolved - and what fixation was thought to mean for adulthood- His problematic gendered ideas- The scientific and ethical problems surrounding the theory- How modern psychoanalysis has reinterpreted Oedipal ideas Watch on Netflix: HERE Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast Subscribe on Substack: @thepsychologyofyour20s For business: psychologyofyour20s@gmail.com Our favourite sources: https://lacanianworksexchange.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/19260101-The-Flight-from-Womanhood-The-Masculinity-Complex-in-Women-as-Viewed-by-Men-and-by-Women-Karen-Horney-IJP-7-p324-339.pdf https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1002/j.2167-4086.2004.tb00151.x https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2F0033-3204.32.4.535 https://www.routledge.com/The-Oedipus-Complex-A-Contemporary-Introduction/Rohleder/p/book/9781032495651 The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Subscribe to get access to the full episode, the episode reading list, and all premium episodes! www.patreon.com/OrdinaryUnhappinessAbby, Patrick, and Dan venture deep into the labyrinthine warrens of Kane Parson's smash-hit movie, Backrooms (2026). Eschewing the impulse to pin the film down to background “lore” or a single interpretative meaning, they instead take up both the film and its success as symptomatic expressions of an overdetermined multitude of anxieties, cultural experiences, and generational touchstones. From the uncanny to creepypastas to strip-malls to COVID to therapy to internet surveillance and beyond, Abby, Patrick, and Dan excavate the materials that fill the backrooms of our culture's networked unconscious, asking questions that implicate the conditions of the work of art under conditions of AI reproduction and our fears about interiority itself.Have you noticed that Freud is back? Got questions about psychoanalysis? Or maybe you've traversed the fantasy and lived to tell the tale? Leave us a voicemail! (646) 450-0847A podcast about psychoanalysis, politics, pop culture, and the ways we suffer now. New episodes on Saturdays. Find us online:http://www.ordinaryunhappiness.comX: @UnhappinessPodInstagram: @OrdinaryUnhappinessPatreon: http://www.patreon.com/OrdinaryUnhappinessTheme song:Formal Chicken - Gnossienne No. 1https://open.spotify.com/album/2MIIYnbyLqriV3vrpUTxxOProvided by Fruits Music

Host Dave Schlom is joined by world renowned neuropsychologist and psychoanalyst Mark Solms. Dr. Solms is the author of the new book, The Only Cure: Freud and the Science of Mental Healing.

No novo episódio do Linhas Cruzadas, Thaís Oyama e Luiz Felipe Pondé revisitam Kafka, Dostoiévski, Freud e Nelson Rodrigues para mostrar como esses autores anteciparam angústias que continuam presentes no século XXI: a busca pela perfeição, o medo da intimidade, as relações descartáveis e o julgamento constante.Com a psicanalista Carol Tilkian, o programa discute nossa dificuldade de criar e manter vínculos em uma época marcada pelo controle, pela produtividade e pela exaustão. A conversa mostra como velhos conflitos ganharam novas formas com as redes sociais e a tecnologia.Ansiedade, niilismo e exaustão moral não são novidades. Muito antes dos algoritmos e do burnout, esses pensadores já investigavam as contradições e fragilidades da mente humana.#LinhasCruzadas #TVCultura #SomosCultura

Open Cup Planungen  Das Format für den 2027 US Open Cup und die Teilnehmerligen sind bekannt geworden. Wie genau es aussieht, besprechen Anne und Wulf. Hartford überzeugt  Sehr zur Freude von Anne, ist Hartford durchaus in der Lage soliden Fußball zu spielen. Daher reden sie und Wulf, über das Comeback nach 0:2 zum 3:2 über Birmingham und auch, wie das Spiel des Monats in der Super League ablief. Hearts verteilen Geschenke  Im Gegensatz dazu, steht es um Wulfs Hearts of Pine ähnlich gut, wie um die Umfrageergebnisse gewisser Parteien: nicht gut. Wie genau sie es schafften, daheim mit 1:4 baden zu gehen, berichten Anne und Wulf ... Dieser Podcast wird vermarktet von der Podcastbude.www.podcastbu.de - Full-Service-Podcast-Agentur - Konzeption, Produktion, Vermarktung, Distribution und Hosting.Du möchtest deinen Podcast auch kostenlos hosten und damit Geld verdienen?Dann schaue auf www.kostenlos-hosten.de und informiere dich.Dort erhältst du alle Informationen zu unseren kostenlosen Podcast-Hosting-Angeboten. kostenlos-hosten.de ist ein Produkt der Podcastbude.

Gustav Mahler durchlebte eine Schaffens- und eine Lebenskrise. Letztere hatte mit seiner Frau Alma zu tun. Mahler suchte Hilfe. Und die bekam er von einem damals umstrittenen Nervenarzt: Sigmund Freud, der Begründer der Psycholoanalyse.

Questions? Comments? Text Us!Jerry was driving home from work when Jesus appeared to him.What he remembers most is the love. It was so direct and overwhelming that his first reaction was resistance.In this episode of Jerry and Abigail: An Intimate Dialogue, Jerry and Abigail talk about that encounter, what it means to receive love, and why being loved can sometimes feel exposing.Abigail brings a very different perspective to Jesus. As a Jewish philosopher, she has never understood Jesus as necessary to a relationship with God. She talks about the difference between the historical Jesus and the Christian doctrines that came later, including Original Sin and the idea of Jesus as an intermediary.They also take on Freud, Darwin, human nature, and the kinds of theories people absorb so deeply that they can start to feel more real than experience itself.Abigail returns to the subject of evil, something she explored in A Good Look at Evil. She argues that evil cannot always be explained away as deprivation, misunderstanding, or psychological dysfunction. Sometimes it has to be recognized plainly for what it is.Nietzsche, skepticism, self-trust, and cultural fashion all come into the picture as Jerry and Abigail ask what helps us stay connected to reality instead of getting lost in theories about it.Throughout the episode, love keeps coming back as something more demanding than a feeling. It means paying attention, using judgment, taking responsibility, and trying to do right by the people in front of you.Get the books:Radically Personal: God and Ourselves in the New Axial AgeGod: An Autobiography, As Told to a PhilosopherConfessions of a Young PhilosopherA Good Look at Evil***Ultimate Questions***Listen to the full episode and explore the question with a community of philosophers and seekers.Join the Ultimate Questions conversation on calling and divine guidance: https://substack.com/@ultimatequestionsOther Series:The podcast began with the Dramatic Adaptation of the book and now has several series:The Life Wisdom Project – Spiritual insights on living a wiser, more meaningful life.From God to Jerry to You – Divine messages and breakthroughs for seekers.Two Philosophers Wrestle With God – A dialogue on God, truth, and reason.Jerry & Abigail: An Intimate Dialogue – Love, faith, and divine presence in partnership.What's Your Spiritual Story – Real stories of people changed by encounters with God.What's On Our Mind – Reflections from Jerry and Scott on recent episodes.What's On Your Mind – Listener questions, divine answers, and open dialogue. Stay ConnectedShare: questions@godanautobiography.comGet the books: God: An Autobiography, Radically Personal, Confessions of a Young Philosopher, A Good Look at EvilShare Your Story | Site | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter | YouTube

I've made $40 million. Driven the supercars. Lived in the mansions. Worn the watches.None of that was the hard part.The how of making money is simple. Find a group of people, find the problem they have, solve it, sell the solution, do it 100 times. That's genuinely it.The hard part is getting yourself to actually do it.I spent my first 3-4 years as an entrepreneur convinced I was one piece of information away from success. One book, one niche, one offer. Shiny object syndrome. I know it intimately.What actually changed things wasn't a strategy. It was going back to being 11 and 12 years old, badly bullied at school, no friends, completely powerless to stop it. Carrying that into my late teens with no confidence and no girlfriend.That's where the need to get rich actually came from. Not ambition. A terror of ever feeling powerless again.Cold calling Australia at 5am from a freezing shed in December, getting told no over and over, was never hard for me. It was my escape.Motivation runs out. Discipline gets tested. Obsession fades.Pain doesn't.If the pain of staying where you are isn't worse than the pain of doing the work, you won't do the work. Freud called us pain-avoidant animals for a reason.I go deep on this, and how to actually dig up your own reason, in the full video.Watch the full breakdown here - https://youtu.be/rka18qrv2Mg

durée : 00:58:03 - Avec philosophie - par : Géraldine Mosna-Savoye - Si l'on sait quand aller voir un médecin, si l'on sait quand la guérison advient, qu'en est-il de nos souffrances psychiques ? Que se passe-t-il lorsqu'on commence une analyse, et à quel moment peut-elle se terminer ? (Si elle peut se terminer...) - équipe : Manon de La Selle, Anaïs Ysebaert, Anna Pheulpin, Carla Michel, Nicolas Berger, Frédéric Worms - invités : Clotilde Leguil philosophe et psychanalyste de l'Ecole de la Cause freudienne Vous aimez ce podcast ? Pour écouter tous les épisodes sans limite, rendez-vous sur Radio France

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Carl Jung's Active Imagination: Talk to Your Shadow Self and End Self-Sabotage Discover Carl Jung's active imagination—a powerful self-improvement mindset technique for remarkable success: how to dialogue with your shadow self and dismantle unconscious self-sabotage. Tracy breaks down Jung's Black Books method as a direct negotiation with shame, doubt, and rage, transforming these hidden patterns into authentic success habits. Learn the neuroscience-backed inner dialogue framework entrepreneurs use to rewire imposter syndrome and activate real, sustainable achievement—no therapy required. https://YourSuccessDNA.com Sponsor - https://DarkHorseEntreprenuer.com Tracy explains Carl Jung's “active imagination” as a direct method for confronting the unconscious and negotiating with the shadow self through literal inner dialogue, developed during Jung's intense period after splitting with Freud (1913–1918) and recorded in his Black Books and later the Red Book. It reframes shame, doubt, rage, and sabotage as protective survival mechanisms and outlines Jung's inner map of characters (persona, shadow, anima/animus, and the Self). The host describes a simple but challenging protocol—set an intention, wait for an image or figure to appear, speak to it, and listen without controlling—illustrated by cases like a business “wolf,” a greedy shadow, and a screaming painted woman that transform through conversation. The episode emphasizes integrity, responsibility, and a practical prompt: complete the sentence, “The part of me that sabotages me is trying to protect me from…,” and invites listeners to a newsletter for deeper work. 00:00 Meet Active Imagination 01:15 Jung's Dark Night 03:02 Shadow Self Explained 04:23 How The Technique Works 06:01 The Wolf Story 08:28 Shadow Integration Pivot 09:53 Jung's Three Layers 12:06 Why It Stays Rare 13:42 Results And Responsibility 16:15 Whiskered Wisdom 18:11 One Sentence Exercise 19:03 Final Recap And Sendoff Carl Jung, active imagination, Jungian methods, Shadow self integration, Shadow work, shadow self, personal development, Self-sabotage, psychology, Jungian psychology, individuation, anima, animus, the Red Book, self sabotage, Overcoming self sabotage, entrepreneur mindset, success mindset, business tips, self help, Manifestation, growth mindset, self improvement mindset, peak productivity, growth mindset, self improvement, personal development, success habits, startup grind, habit mastery, mindset hack, productivity tips, achieving success habits, authentic success habits, entrepreneurial self care, entrepreneurial success habits, habits for success, habits improvement, mindset habits, mindset success, productivity improvement, self improvement habits, self improvement mindset, success mindset habits, remarkable success, self-improvement mindset, authentic success habits, mindset success, self improvement habits Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Tout au long de sa vie, à chaque étape de son évolution, l'être humain est amené à rencontrer des défis spécifiques. À chaque fois, il a l'impression que ce défi est central et qu'il résume l'ensemble de sa quête. Puis il bascule dans une toute nouvelle conception de l'existence. Pour aborder ce cheminement, Erik Erikson a développé le modèle des 8 stades psychosociaux, en s'inspirant des stades psychosexuels de Freud. Chaque défi est représenté par deux polarités qui s'opposent. Lorsque la tension est bien traversée, il en naît une force adaptative. Ce qui est particulier dans son modèle, c'est que même si le défi n'est pas réussi, l'être humain passe au défi suivant en fonction de son étape de vie. Le prochain défi sera donc teinté par la non-résolution des défis passés. Son modèle permet ainsi d'expliquer pourquoi, malgré leur progression, certains adultes demeurent coincés dans leur passé. Dans son modèle, un premier défi mal résolu ne condamne pas mécaniquement tous les autres, il les rend plus difficiles et peut toujours se rejouer plus tard. Le livre abordé « Life Cycle Completed » est le dernier qu'a rédigé Erik Erikson et il constitue en quelque sorte son testament. Il voulait traiter du dernier stade au moment où il était lui-même en train de le vivre. À la suite de son décès, sa femme Joan Erikson a prolongé leur réflexion commune en produisant une nouvelle version du livre. En s'appuyant notamment sur les annotations qu'Erik avait laissées, elle y a développé un neuvième stade, celui d'un très grand âge marqué par la perte des facultés et par de nouveaux enjeux personnels. Il y sera alors question de gérotranscendance. Pour illustrer les stades, j'ai décidé de recourir aux personnages de Marlène et Kim, déjà apparus dans d'anciens épisodes, afin d'incarner ces défis dans des parcours concrets. Comme nous le verrons, Marlène a plutôt bien négocié chacun de ses défis, alors que Kim, faute d'avoir résolu le premier dès l'enfance, a buté sur chacun des suivants. Par cet épisode, l'objectif est de fournir des pistes pour mieux se comprendre, mieux comprendre les autres, et voir comment nos anciens défis font souvent partie des nouveaux. Ordre du jour 0m23: Introduction 13m43: Présentation du livre et sa critique 20m42: Mise en contexte concernant le modèle d'Erikson 37m59: Les 8 défis psychosociaux d'Erik Erikson à travers Marlène et Kim 1h00m33: La gérotranscendance, le neuviève stade 1h07m01: Réflexions personnelles Pour encore plus de détails, consulte la page web de l'épisode.

Send us Fan MailFinding Meaning Through Viktor Frankl, Chabad Chassidus & TherapyIn this episode of From The Inside Out Podcast with Rivkah Krinsky and Eda Schottenstein, we interview Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch, a therapist and author of "Viktor Frankl and the Psychology of the Soul," about integrating CBT, marriage/family therapy, Viktor Frankl's logotherapy, and Chabad Chassidus. Schonbuch explains Frankl's core idea that humans are driven by meaning, not pleasure or power, and outlines three ways to find meaning: purposeful work, love/experience, and changing one's attitude when suffering can't be avoided. He describes creating TorahPsychology.org, holding Hakhel conferences inspired by the Rebbe's encouragement and a message sent to Frankl, and using a 30-day logotherapy workbook to reduce depression and anxiety. The conversation also covers shared meaning in marriage, rising divorce and estrangement, parenting tools (I=QR, connection/communication/reduced control), reflective listening, trauma and meaning, and incorporating Mitteler Rebbe  teachings and “Tracht gut vet zein gut.”EPISODE SPONSORSYakira BellaYakira Bella is a modest, beautiful clothing brand with dresses that look and feel like designer pieces — elegant, well-made, and made to move with you all night — without the designer price tag. Their pieces get noticed and get compliments every time, and they're proud to be a brand featured on our podcast. Check out the link in our show notes. 

Listen to the full episode There's a lot going on when Hasan Piker wears a Zhongshan suit and praises Maoism. Matthew uses Wendy Brown's 1999 essay "Resisting Left Melancholy", which cites Walter Benjamin, Freud, and Stuart Hall to argue that campist rhetoric on the left, whether earnest or ironic, can signal unmourned loss more than conviction, and that nostalgic attachments to revolutionary pasts can choke off engagement with present possibility.  Brown argues that left melancholy displaces its grief over capital's triumphs onto scapegoats (identity politics, postmodernism). Matthew adds that it functions as an affective membership fee within online left communities. This might account for why liberals sense that they're sometimes being asked to join in choreographies of sadness rather than build coalitions in the present.  Drawing on Hall's account of Thatcher's mastery of political language, and closing with reflections from Matthew's years as a church organist playing nearly 1000 funerals, the episode asks what it would actually mean for the left to mourn its losses instead of reenacting them — and how mourning might be a necessary revolutionary act. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What Dogs Teach Us About Love (And How to "People" Better) with Dr. Chris Blazina [caption id="attachment_17241" align="alignleft" width="300"] Good Dogs & Difficult People: What Dogs Teach Us About Love[/caption] Why is it that we can purely love our dogs but often struggle to show that same grace to other humans? In this deeply insightful episode of Pure Dog Talk, host Laura Reeves sits down with psychologist and author Dr. Chris Blazina to discuss his latest book, Good Dogs and Difficult People: What Dogs Teach Us About Love. They explore the psychology behind our canine connections, why Sigmund Freud was a massive "dog person," and how the stress we carry travels straight "down the leash" to our canine companions. From scientific phenomena like the Left Gaze Bias to actionable advice on how to "people better," this episode is a guide to letting your guard down, repairing relationships, and allowing dogs to "love us into being." [video width="1280" height="720" mp4="https://puredogtalk.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/Why-Is-It-We-Dont-Love-People-the-Way-We-Love-Our-Dogs_.mp4"][/video]

Here are a few reflections on the future of Christianity, Freud, prayer, the story of Moses, and the God of Being.  Enjoy!

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Lecture par l'auteur & Sonia Imbert, mixée en direct par François Audoin Arsène Lupin a tout cambriolé : son époque, l'histoire de France, la Normandie, même Freud ! À lui seul, il incarne l'audace de la création, l'enfance radieuse, la poésie de l'instant présent. Il n'en finit pas de fasciner et son succès, depuis 1905, fait de lui un mythe mondial, toujours d'actualité ! Un printemps avec Arsène Lupin est une course-poursuite extravagante et haletante de Paris à Étretat, en passant par les traces semées dans nos imaginaires. Une déclaration d'amour fou au romanesque et au « primesaut ». En un mot : à la littérature. À lire – Grégoire Bouillier, Un printemps avec Arsène Lupin, Coédition Radio France, Les Équateurs, 2026 À écouter – série de podcasts racontée par François Morel – réalisation François Audoin, France Inter, 2026

Abby and Patrick bring a psychoanalytic lens to bear on the twenty-fifth anniversary of the September 11th, 2001 terrorist attacks. As they explain, psychoanalysis offers tools for thinking both about specific political conditions and historical events and for reflecting more generally on the ways dramatic events can function politically and become “history” in the first place. Moreover, psychoanalytic concepts can bring together the perspectives of political economy, libidinal economy, and our own personal experiences to help us navigate overwhelming events and better track what's new, what isn't, what we need to remember, and what we're encouraged to forget. To that end, Abby and Patrick take up psychoanalyst Vamik Volkan's notion of the “chosen trauma,” a model for how episodes of mass trauma can become touchstones for defining group identity, and apply it to the events of 9/11, the “Global War on Terror” that ensued, and their ongoing legacy in our present. Toggling between artifacts of popular culture, military history, journalistic accounts, and more, Abby and Patrick reflect on how American society reacted to the trauma of 9/11; how political elites capitalized on the situation; how ideas of exceptionalism, innocence, vengeance, and even time and causality themselves were reconfigured; and how we're still contending with the cultural and institutional consequences of those processes in the present.Note: It has come to our attention that Dick Cheney is, in fact, currently dead, at least for now.Texts cited include:Patrick Blanchfield and Evan Simko-Bednarski, “Brave Moles and Hungry Ghosts” in The Revealer (September 2016) https://therevealer.org/brave-moles-and-hungry-ghosts-911-memento-mori/Evan Simko-Bednarski, “Memento Mori,” https://www.simkobednarskiphoto.com/memento-moriVamik Volkan, “Transgenerational Transmissions and Chosen Traumas: An Aspect of Large-Group Identity, in Group Analysis (March 2001) https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/05333160122077730Andrew Bacevich, America's War for the Greater Middle East (2016)https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/241154/americas-war-for-the-greater-middle-east-by-andrew-j-bacevich/Andrew Bacevich, “What I Learned After the End of History” (2025) https://www.juancole.com/2025/01/learned-after-history.htmlSpencer Ackerman, Reign of Terror: How the 9/11 Era Destabilized America and Produced Donald Trump (2022) https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/622555/reign-of-terror-by-spencer-ackerman/Spencer Ackerman (interviewed by Jordan Uhl) “"Terrorist": How ICE Weaponized 9/11's Scarlet Letter” in The Intercept Briefing https://theintercept.com/2026/02/06/spencer-ackerman-9-11-terrorists-ice/Susan Sontag (et al), “Tuesday and After” in The New Yorker (September 16, 2001) https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2001/09/24/tuesday-and-after-talk-of-the-townJake Tapper and Bill Maher, “Bill Maher: The Salon Interview” (December 2002) https://www.salon.com/2002/12/11/maher_6/The Brown University Watson School of International and Public Affairs' Costs of War Projecthttps://costsofwar.watson.brown.edu/Elizabeth Beavers, “Terrorizing Migrants: Five Ways Post 9/11 Legal Precedents Paved the Way for Anti-Immigrant Actions in the United States” https://costsofwar.watson.brown.edu/paper/terrorizingmigrantsHave you noticed that Freud is back? Got questions about psychoanalysis? Or maybe you've traversed the fantasy and lived to tell the tale? Leave us a voicemail! (646) 450-0847A podcast about psychoanalysis, politics, pop culture, and the ways we suffer now. New episodes on Saturdays. Find us online:http://www.ordinaryunhappiness.comX: @UnhappinessPodInstagram: @OrdinaryUnhappinessPatreon: http://www.patreon.com/OrdinaryUnhappinessTheme song:Formal Chicken - Gnossienne No. 1https://open.spotify.com/album/2MIIYnbyLqriV3vrpUTxxOProvided by Fruits Music 

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Does venting actually help you cool off, or does it just add fuel to the fire? Social psychologist Jennifer Parlamis busts common myths about anger, showing how curiosity — not catharsis — can keep you calm. Discover the surprising science behind anger management and four practical tools for building stronger relationships from a researcher who's rethinking Freud, one deep breath at a time. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Send us Fan MailIs guilt bad or good? Is it something we should avoid or can it actually help us draw closer to God and to others? __________________________Do you have questions or comments?Please contact me: rtosguthorpe@gmail.comWant more info about my books and talks?Go to my website: https://www.russelltosguthorpe.com/Want to order a book? Just go to Amazon and type in Russell T. Osguthorpe Want to access my YouTube channel:https://youtube.com/@russellt.osguthorpe497Want know more about the music on this podcast? We are blessed to have M. Diego Gonzalez as a regular contributor of songs he has arranged, performed, and recorded especially for this podcast. My wife and I became acquainted with Diego when he was serving a as missionary in the Puerto Rico San Juan Mission. We were so impressed with his talent, we asked if he would compose and perform songs for Filled With His Love. He thankfully agreed. Hope you enjoy his work!Want to boost your mood and make someone's day?Go to the App store on your iPhone, and download the app—Boonto.Want a good introduction to my book? Morgan Jones Pearson interviewed me on the All-In Podcast, and it was one of the top 10 episodes of 2022. Here's the link:https://www.ldsliving.com/2022-in-review-top-10-all-in-podcast-episod...

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Alain de Botton est écrivain et philosophe. Il est également le fondateur de The School of Life, il a écrit Le cours de l'amour, un livre que j'ai lu il y a quelques années et qui m'a franchement retourné, parce qu'il commence là où tous les films s'arrêtent : le jour d'après le mariage.C'est le retour de l'été et ca m'a semblé bien de diffuser cet épisode en cette dernière semaine d'aout.Petite précision avant de démarrer : cet épisode a d'abord été diffusé en anglais. J'ai quand même tenu à le proposer en français, parce que ce qu'Alain raconte sur l'amour me paraît trop utile pour rester réservé à celles et ceux qui sont à l'aise avec l'anglais.Il y a un moment dans la conversation où je me suis vu, moi, dans ce qu'il décrivait. Il explique, statistiques à l'appui, que les enfants d'alcooliques tombent massivement amoureux de personnes qui ont un problème d'addiction. Pas par malchance. Parce que nous ne sommes pas attirés par ce qui nous rend heureux, nous sommes attirés par ce qui nous est familier. Et on peut passer une vie entière à rejouer la même scène en croyant chaque fois faire un choix neuf.Dans cet épisode, nous parlons de l'idéal romantique et de ce qu'il nous fait faire, des papillons dans le ventre et de ce qu'ils cachent vraiment, du complexe d'Œdipe relu comme un manuel pratique, des drapeaux rouges à repérer dès le premier dîner, de la sexualité qui s'éteint dans les couples aimants, du polyamour et des dégâts qu'il laisse parfois, de l'infidélité comme tentative maladroite de se rapprocher, des ruptures et de la manière décente de partir, des enfants qui abîment le couple, et de ce qu'on appelle la folie de l'autre.J'ai discuté avec Alain des questions que tout le monde se pose et que personne n'ose formuler à voix haute : est-ce qu'on peut faire changer quelqu'un, comment savoir qu'on a vraiment tout essayé, pourquoi les hommes hétérosexuels ont si peu de mots pour dire ce qu'ils ressentent, et pourquoi les applications de rencontre ont un intérêt économique à ce que vous ne trouviez personne.Ce qui m'a le plus marqué, c'est sa réponse finale. Derrière l'argent, la gloire et l'amour, ce que nous cherchons tous, dit-il, c'est le calme que nous avons connu nourrisson. Et il ajoute une phrase que je n'ai pas réussi à me sortir de la tête : le bruit qui est à l'intérieur de nous a d'abord été un bruit extérieur.Bonne écoute.3. Citations marquantes« Nous ne sommes pas attirés par ce qui nous rend heureux. Nous sommes attirés par ce qui nous est familier. »« Il ne s'agit pas de trouver quelqu'un de sain d'esprit, tout le monde est fou. Il s'agit de trouver quelqu'un capable d'explorer sa folie avec un minimum de maturité. »« Le modèle économique des applis de rencontre repose sur votre échec. C'est une machine à sous : le bonheur, oui, mais pas maintenant, revenez demain. »« Se déshabiller, c'est intéressant. Mais se mettre psychologiquement à nu, ça, c'est la vraie aventure. Et ça ne devient jamais ennuyeux. »« Il n'existe pas d'équilibre entre vie pro et vie perso. Tout ce qui vaut la peine d'être fait va déséquilibrer votre vie. »4. Idées centrales discutées 1. Nous aimons dans un décor que nous n'avons pas choisi (≈ 02:35) Alain ouvre sur cette maxime de La Rochefoucauld : certaines personnes ne seraient jamais tombées amoureuses si elles n'avaient jamais entendu dire que ça existait. Nos émotions reçoivent des encouragements discrets de la société qui nous entoure, et l'idéal romantique en fait partie. Pourquoi ça compte : si nos attentes viennent du décor, elles peuvent être révisées. C'est une bonne nouvelle déguisée en fatalité.2. L'attirance suit le familier, pas le bonheur (≈ 12:52) Le mouvement romantique promettait qu'en suivant son cœur, on choisirait mieux. La psychologie moderne dit l'inverse. Nous rejouons les schémas de frustration de l'enfance parce qu'ils ressemblent à la maison. Pourquoi ça compte : c'est l'explication la plus solide au sentiment de « je retombe toujours sur le même profil » que tant de gens décrivent.3. Les perversions sexuelles sont des terreurs de l'intimité (≈ 25:39) De l'exhibitionniste au voyeur, Alain lit ces comportements comme des refus de la réciprocité : il faut imposer, ou observer de loin, parce que se regarder dans les yeux est insupportable. Pourquoi ça compte : le même mécanisme, en version douce, explique l'amant qui disparaît le lendemain matin. Le désir de connexion et la terreur d'être englouti cohabitent chez tout le monde.4. Les applications de rencontre ont besoin de votre échec (≈ 32:06) Leur modèle repose sur une promesse jamais tenue, exactement comme une machine à sous. Alain reste pourtant optimiste sur la technologie : il imagine une IA témoin du couple, qui signalerait ce que nous ne savons pas entendre. Pourquoi ça compte : ça déplace le débat, le problème n'est pas la technologie, c'est le modèle économique qu'on lui a collé dessus.5. On ne cherche pas quelqu'un de sain, on cherche quelqu'un de lucide (≈ 19:59) La bonne définition d'une attente réaliste, selon lui : quelqu'un capable d'annoncer sa folie avant de la vivre, et de s'en excuser après. Pourquoi ça compte : ça remplace la quête épuisante de la personne parfaite par un critère observable dès les premiers mois.6. Le dialogue a une limite, et il faut l'accepter (≈ 49:05) C'est le moment le plus vulnérable de la conversation. Alain vit de l'idée que les mots transforment les gens, et il admet que ce n'est pas toujours vrai : le traumatisme ferme des portes qu'aucun argument n'ouvre. Pourquoi ça compte : certaines des ruptures les plus douloureuses viennent de là, quitter quelqu'un qu'on aime et qui ne peut pas comprendre.7. La folie de l'autre peut devenir le lieu de l'intimité (≈ 21:28 en germe, développé à 1:20:59) Ce n'est pas la nature du problème qui décide, c'est la manière dont il est porté. Dire « j'ai un problème avec le sexe, aide-moi » peut être plus intime que le sexe lui-même. Pourquoi ça compte : ça retourne complètement la logique des drapeaux rouges. Le défaut avoué relie, le défaut caché détruit.5. Questions posées dans l'interviewComment l'idéal romantique de l'âme sœur a-t-il façonné ce que nous attendons de l'amour, et quels sont les pièges de ces attentes ?Comment prend-on du recul par rapport à un idéal romantique dans lequel nous baignons depuis toujours ?Que valent les papillons dans le ventre, et que sommes-nous censés ressentir quand nous tombons amoureux ?Faut-il suivre son intuition en amour, ou s'en méfier ?Que pensez-vous de l'idée que l'amour dure trois ans ?Quelles sont les attentes réalistes qu'on peut avoir d'une relation ?Existe-t-il des drapeaux rouges fiables, et quelles questions faut-il poser dès les premiers dîners ?Nous vivons dans une société sans friction, Uber, Airbnb, tout doit être fluide. Cherche-t-on aussi un partenaire sans friction ?Est-ce que les hommes hétérosexuels sont plus démunis que les femmes face à leurs propres émotions ?Comment accueillir la folie de son partenaire sans se perdre soi-même ?Peut-on faire changer quelqu'un, et à quelle vitesse ?Comment garder le désir sexuel vivant dans un couple qui s'aime depuis longtemps ?Pourquoi tant d'hommes réclament-ils aujourd'hui des relations ouvertes ?Pourquoi deux personnes qui se sont profondément aimées deviennent-elles des étrangères ?Peut-on pardonner une infidélité, et comment ?Comment savoir qu'on a vraiment tout essayé et qu'il faut partir ?Comment la société devrait-elle évoluer pour améliorer la qualité de nos relations ?Peut-on faire trop de thérapie ?6. Références citées dans l'épisodeAuteurs et philosophesLa Rochefoucauld (≈ 02:48) : « Il y a des gens qui n'auraient jamais été amoureux s'ils n'avaient jamais entendu parler de l'amour. » La citation matrice de tout l'épisode, reprise plus tard à propos du polyamour (≈ 56:47).Sénèque (≈ 17:34) : « Pourquoi pleurer sur des parties de la vie ? Elle appelle tout entière les larmes. » Cité comme exemple de pessimisme réconfortant.Nietzsche (≈ 19:44) : pour vivre, nous avons besoin de certaines illusions.Freud (≈ 33:26) : le complexe d'Œdipe, relu comme modèle des compétences nécessaires à l'âge adulte. Alain note au passage que Freud écrivait mal et qu'il a besoin d'être commenté.Spinoza (≈ 33:50 et ≈ 42:55) : cité comme exemple de penseur qui ne dit pas le meilleur de sa pensée, puis L'Éthique comme exemple de complexité que nous aimons pour de mauvaises raisons.Racine, Shakespeare, Tolstoï (≈ 49:05) : convoqués pour dire que même la plus belle éloquence ne fait pas bouger quelqu'un qui est fermé émotionnellement.Flaubert, Madame Bovary (≈ 59:09) : Emma lit les mauvais livres, ceux qui lui disent que sa vie est ennuyeuse.Livres et créations d'Alain de BottonLe cours de l'amour (The Course of Love) (≈ 00:33) : cité par moi en intro comme le livre qui m'a marqué.The School of Life (≈ 00:33 et ≈ 1:27:43) : l'institution qu'il a fondée, sa chaîne YouTube, et le terrain de ses explorations à venir.Livre français discuté sans être nomméL'amour dure trois ans (≈ 17:34) : je lui soumets la thèse, il répond qu'il ne connaît pas le livre, se félicite qu'il ne soit pas traduit en anglais et refuse d'y croire un vendredi matin à 11h20. [Auteur non nommé dans l'épisode : Frédéric Beigbeder]Cinéma et cultureÉric Rohmer (≈ 59:09) : le cinéaste qui nous apprend la patience des conversations ordinaires.Gladiator (≈ 59:09) : l'exemple inverse, le récit à l'échelle héroïque qui rend la vie quotidienne décevante.Personnes citéesEsther Perel (≈ 18:20) : mentionnée comme la voix à convoquer sur la durée du désir.Invitée d'un précédent épisode de Vlan! (≈ 1:27:26) : je mentionne une conversation qui m'a fait comprendre que le bruit est surtout intérieur. [Nom mal transcrit dans le fichier, à vérifier avant publication]Lieux et imagesLe Bois de Boulogne (≈ 25:39) : l'exemple de l'exhibitionniste.Sainte-Lucie, Saint-Barthélemy (≈ 1:09:21) : les îles de son histoire de plage, la démonstration la plus drôle de notre amnésie sentimentale.Timestamps clés00:00 — Pourquoi cet épisode est en anglais J'explique en français le contexte de l'épisode et pourquoi je tenais à le proposer malgré la barrière de la langue.00:33 — Alain de Botton, School of Life et Le cours de l'amour Mon introduction : pourquoi ce livre m'a marqué, et pourquoi les 20 ou 30 questions les plus difficiles sur l'amour sont réunies ici.02:35 — « Certains ne seraient jamais tombés amoureux s'ils n'en avaient jamais entendu parler » La maxime de La Rochefoucauld comme point de départ : nos émotions ne poussent pas dans le vide, elles sont encouragées par la société. L'idéal romantique nous dit que l'autre doit tout deviner sans qu'on ait à parler.04:59 — La question simple qui fait tomber l'idéal Comment saurai-je que je suis aimé ? À quoi le reconnaîtrai-je ? Vingt personnes dans une pièce donneront vingt réponses différentes selon leur âge, leur pays et leur musique. Nous sommes des créatures hautement suggestibles, et c'est ce qui nous rend libres de changer.06:27 — Les papillons dans le ventre, deux heures suffisent-elles ? Je raconte cette femme rencontrée récemment qui, après deux heures, savait déjà qu'elle ne ressentait rien.07:07 — La solitude originelle et la quête de la maison De l'intérieur d'un corps à l'extérieur du monde, du doudou serré dans les bras à l'adolescence qui cherche un autre corps. Les papillons, c'est la reconnaissance d'une maison perdue, dans une couleur de cheveux, une odeur, un angle de cou, un certain humour.10:58 — Mariages arrangés, romantisme, et le retournement Le passage de la logique dynastique au règne du sentiment, entre 1750 et 1870. Une révolution qui a produit des résultats bien plus paradoxaux qu'on ne le croit.12:52 — La statistique qui fait mal Les enfants d'alcooliques tombent massivement amoureux de personnes qui ont un problème d'addiction. Nous ne sommes pas attirés par le bonheur, nous sommes attirés par le familier.15:43 — Faut-il suivre son intuition ? Non sans la soumettre à examen. Et surtout : tenez un journal de ce que vous vivez, parce que la mémoire réécrit tout. Faites confiance à ce que vous avez ressenti sur le moment, pas à ce que vous imaginez maintenant.17:34 — « L'amour dure trois ans » ? Sa réaction est une des plus drôles de l'épisode. Puis l'argument sérieux : nos goûts ne changent pas si vite, et on ne change pas d'amis tous les trois ans.19:59 — Personne n'est sain d'esprit La seule attente réaliste : quelqu'un capable d'annoncer sa folie juste avant de la vivre, et de s'en excuser après. Il vaut mille fois mieux quelqu'un qui dit « j'ai peur de l'intimité » que quelqu'un qui ne répond plus au téléphone.21:37 — Drapeaux rouges : les vraies questions du premier dîner Un premier dîner est un entretien psychologique. Demandez l'histoire de la personne, sa relation avec ses parents, et observez surtout sa capacité à répondre. « Je ne sais pas, je n'y ai jamais pensé » est en soi une réponse.24:28 — La moitié d'entre nous a peur de s'approcher Environ 50 % des gens portent l'idée inconsciente que se rapprocher de quelqu'un finit mal. Presque tout le monde veut aimer, et presque tout le monde a un obstacle.25:39 — Les perversions sexuelles comme terreurs de l'intimité L'exhibitionniste, le voyeur, et jusqu'au cas le plus tragique. Toutes des manières de refuser la réciprocité. Et le même mécanisme, en version douce, chez l'amant qui promet de rappeler et ne rappelle jamais.28:50 — La vie sans friction et le partenaire sans friction Je lui parle du livre que je veux écrire sur la société du sans-couture, et de cette manie de collectionner les gens en les jetant dès la première imperfection.29:53 — Et si l'IA aidait vraiment les couples ? Son scénario optimiste : une intelligence artificielle témoin du couple, qui signale ce qu'on n'a pas entendu. « Il a mentionné son père trois fois et vous n'avez rien dit. »32:06 — Les applis de rencontre sont des machines à sous Leur modèle repose sur l'échec répété et la promesse du prochain coup. Un appel direct aux entrepreneurs qui écoutent.33:26 — Le complexe d'Œdipe, enfin expliqué utilement Ce que Freud voulait vraiment dire, et pourquoi il l'a mal dit. L'enfant a besoin d'être reconnu comme désirable sans jamais être séduit, et sans jamais être ignoré. Les deux dangers symétriques.38:18 — Pourquoi les conversations entre hommes hétérosexuels sont si ennuyeuses Ça commence dans la cour de récréation, quand pleurer devient une accusation. Ça finit par un adulte qui ne peut dire presque rien de ce qu'il est.40:36 — Quand une remarque sur des chaussures est entendue comme une condamnation à mort Pourquoi certaines personnes vivent toute critique comme une annihilation, et ce que ça révèle de ce qui leur est déjà arrivé.42:55 — Un plaidoyer pour la simplicité Nous adorons la complexité, Spinoza, l'astrophysique, et nous la respectons parfois là où elle n'a rien à faire. Trois heures de discussion quatre fois par semaine sur le sens d'un mot n'est pas une preuve de profondeur.44:26 — Ce qu'est l'amour mature Savoir s'excuser, séparer le passé du présent, distinguer la personne en face de soi de son père ou de sa mère. Et l'analogie du coureur olympique : tout le monde ne peut pas être dans votre équipe.46:36 — On ne change pas sur ordre Les gens changent, mais quand ils le décident, jamais sous la pression. Plus vous insistez, moins c'est possible.47:58 — L'âge émotionnel n'a rien à voir avec l'âge civil Nous tombons amoureux de personnes qui ont notre âge émotionnel. D'où les écarts de vingt ans qui fonctionnent, et les couples du même âge qui se décrochent.49:05 — L'aveu le plus vulnérable de l'épisode Il vit de l'idée que les mots transforment les gens. Et il reconnaît que le traumatisme ferme des portes qu'aucune éloquence n'ouvre. Certaines ruptures naissent exactement là.51:42 — Le désir qui s'éteint dans un couple aimant Le conflit entre le besoin de paraître respectable et la vérité de nos désirs. Plus on a besoin de quelqu'un, moins on ose lui montrer qui on est vraiment.54:17 — Polyamour : « du sang sur le tapis » Son expérience personnelle des amis qui appellent à trois heures du matin. Sans condamner celles et ceux pour qui ça fonctionne.55:51 — L'hôtel, et le partenaire redevenu inconnu La proposition concrète : sortir de la routine, et se rappeler que la personne qu'on croit connaître par cœur reste largement une inconnue.56:23 — Pourquoi tant d'hommes veulent une relation ouverte Une lecture historique et économique du mariage bourgeois, et ce qui se libère quand la contrainte financière disparaît.58:33 — Les histoires d'amour finissent toutes trop tôt Les films s'arrêtent au moment où les deux se trouvent. On ne les voit jamais préparer le dîner vingt ans plus tard.59:09 — Madame Bovary lisait les mauvais livres Rohmer contre Gladiator. Ce que nous regardons décide de ce que nous jugeons digne d'intérêt dans notre propre vie.1:01:06 — La passion, mais psychologique Deux personnes pressées de se retrouver le soir pour reparler de leur enfance. Se mettre psychologiquement à nu, voilà l'aventure qui ne s'épuise jamais.1:02:49 — Le chagrin d'amour est une forme de mort Il refuse de minimiser. Certains en meurent. Et c'est pire quand on ne comprend pas pourquoi l'autre est parti.1:04:09 — Les règles de la décence quand on quitte quelqu'un On prend une amende pour 25 km/h de trop, et on peut disparaître de la vie de quelqu'un après vingt ans sans que personne ne dise rien. Son message le plus direct : si vous savez, partez maintenant.1:07:17 — Peut-on rester amis ? Plus vous avez aimé, plus l'amitié sera pâle. Le meilleur terrain pour une amitié après coup, c'est ironiquement quand on ne s'est pas beaucoup aimés.1:09:21 — Le fichier « problèmes avec X » et l'histoire de la plage Sa méthode contre l'amnésie sentimentale, illustrée par son incapacité chronique à se souvenir qu'il déteste la plage.1:12:11 — L'enfant est une perte, et il faut le savoir La structure tragique de la parentalité, les associations inconscientes qui s'installent quand quelqu'un devient père ou mère, et pourquoi le sexe devient plus compliqué.1:13:47 — « L'équilibre vie pro vie perso n'existe pas » Tout ce qui vaut la peine d'être fait déséquilibre la vie. Il vaut mieux se préparer que se plaindre.1:14:44 — Un plaidoyer pour le compromis Rester pour les enfants n'est pas automatiquement une lâcheté. Refuser tout compromis, c'est un système totalitaire appliqué à sa propre vie.1:16:14 — Comment savoir qu'il est temps de partir Quand vous avez vraiment tout essayé. Les six mois de plus qui semblent perdus vous économisent des années de regrets.1:19:42 — L'infidélité comme tentative de se rapprocher Certaines trahisons disent l'inverse de ce qu'on croit : je ne veux pas sortir, je veux entrer.1:20:59 — La folie de l'autre comme chemin vers l'intimité « J'ai un problème avec le sexe, aide-moi » peut créer plus d'intimité que le sexe. Ce n'est pas la nature du problème qui compte, c'est la manière dont il est porté.1:23:07 — La question qu'on ne lui pose jamais Personne ne l'interroge sur Œdipe ni sur l'exhibitionnisme. Il vient de dire ce qu'il attendait depuis longtemps de pouvoir dire.1:24:10 — L'âge psychologique de l'amour Après les mariages arrangés et l'ère romantique, une troisième époque s'ouvre. Il n'y a qu'une seule voie, l'intelligence émotionnelle.1:25:00 — Peut-on faire trop de thérapie ? Non, mais on peut la faire mal. Et beaucoup de thérapeutes sont mauvais, imposant leur vision du monde à leurs patients.1:26:38 — La porte qu'il ferme : l'anxiété Ce que nous cherchons derrière l'argent, la gloire et l'amour, c'est le calme du nourrisson qui vient de manger.1:27:26 — « Le bruit intérieur a d'abord été un bruit extérieur » La phrase de fin, en une ligne.1:27:43 — Ce qui l'attend La School of Life, et cette immense toile sombre de la vie émotionnelle dont il découvre un morceau à la fois. Suggestion d'autres épisodes à écouter : [BEST OF] Esther Perel : repenser le couple à l'âge du choix infini (https://audmns.com/fHyNTYA) [Hors-Serie] Tout ce que j'aurais voulu savoir en amour avec Alain de Botton (partie 1) (https://audmns.com/jiDhQhD) [Hors serie] Tout ce que j'aurais voulu savoir en amour avec Alain de Botton (partie 2) (https://audmns.com/vUBKEkK)Hébergé par Audiomeans. Visitez audiomeans.fr/politique-de-confidentialite pour plus d'informations.

Alain de Botton est écrivain et philosophe. Il est également le fondateur de The School of Life, il a écrit Le cours de l'amour, un livre que j'ai lu il y a quelques années et qui m'a franchement retourné, parce qu'il commence là où tous les films s'arrêtent : le jour d'après le mariage.C'est le retour de l'été et ca m'a semblé bien de diffuser cet épisode en cette dernière semaine d'aout.Petite précision avant de démarrer : cet épisode a d'abord été diffusé en anglais. J'ai quand même tenu à le proposer en français, parce que ce qu'Alain raconte sur l'amour me paraît trop utile pour rester réservé à celles et ceux qui sont à l'aise avec l'anglais.Il y a un moment dans la conversation où je me suis vu, moi, dans ce qu'il décrivait. Il explique, statistiques à l'appui, que les enfants d'alcooliques tombent massivement amoureux de personnes qui ont un problème d'addiction. Pas par malchance. Parce que nous ne sommes pas attirés par ce qui nous rend heureux, nous sommes attirés par ce qui nous est familier. Et on peut passer une vie entière à rejouer la même scène en croyant chaque fois faire un choix neuf.Dans cet épisode, nous parlons de l'idéal romantique et de ce qu'il nous fait faire, des papillons dans le ventre et de ce qu'ils cachent vraiment, du complexe d'Œdipe relu comme un manuel pratique, des drapeaux rouges à repérer dès le premier dîner, de la sexualité qui s'éteint dans les couples aimants, du polyamour et des dégâts qu'il laisse parfois, de l'infidélité comme tentative maladroite de se rapprocher, des ruptures et de la manière décente de partir, des enfants qui abîment le couple, et de ce qu'on appelle la folie de l'autre.J'ai discuté avec Alain des questions que tout le monde se pose et que personne n'ose formuler à voix haute : est-ce qu'on peut faire changer quelqu'un, comment savoir qu'on a vraiment tout essayé, pourquoi les hommes hétérosexuels ont si peu de mots pour dire ce qu'ils ressentent, et pourquoi les applications de rencontre ont un intérêt économique à ce que vous ne trouviez personne.Ce qui m'a le plus marqué, c'est sa réponse finale. Derrière l'argent, la gloire et l'amour, ce que nous cherchons tous, dit-il, c'est le calme que nous avons connu nourrisson. Et il ajoute une phrase que je n'ai pas réussi à me sortir de la tête : le bruit qui est à l'intérieur de nous a d'abord été un bruit extérieur.Bonne écoute.3. Citations marquantes« Nous ne sommes pas attirés par ce qui nous rend heureux. Nous sommes attirés par ce qui nous est familier. »« Il ne s'agit pas de trouver quelqu'un de sain d'esprit, tout le monde est fou. Il s'agit de trouver quelqu'un capable d'explorer sa folie avec un minimum de maturité. »« Le modèle économique des applis de rencontre repose sur votre échec. C'est une machine à sous : le bonheur, oui, mais pas maintenant, revenez demain. »« Se déshabiller, c'est intéressant. Mais se mettre psychologiquement à nu, ça, c'est la vraie aventure. Et ça ne devient jamais ennuyeux. »« Il n'existe pas d'équilibre entre vie pro et vie perso. Tout ce qui vaut la peine d'être fait va déséquilibrer votre vie. »4. Idées centrales discutées 1. Nous aimons dans un décor que nous n'avons pas choisi (≈ 02:35) Alain ouvre sur cette maxime de La Rochefoucauld : certaines personnes ne seraient jamais tombées amoureuses si elles n'avaient jamais entendu dire que ça existait. Nos émotions reçoivent des encouragements discrets de la société qui nous entoure, et l'idéal romantique en fait partie. Pourquoi ça compte : si nos attentes viennent du décor, elles peuvent être révisées. C'est une bonne nouvelle déguisée en fatalité.2. L'attirance suit le familier, pas le bonheur (≈ 12:52) Le mouvement romantique promettait qu'en suivant son cœur, on choisirait mieux. La psychologie moderne dit l'inverse. Nous rejouons les schémas de frustration de l'enfance parce qu'ils ressemblent à la maison. Pourquoi ça compte : c'est l'explication la plus solide au sentiment de « je retombe toujours sur le même profil » que tant de gens décrivent.3. Les perversions sexuelles sont des terreurs de l'intimité (≈ 25:39) De l'exhibitionniste au voyeur, Alain lit ces comportements comme des refus de la réciprocité : il faut imposer, ou observer de loin, parce que se regarder dans les yeux est insupportable. Pourquoi ça compte : le même mécanisme, en version douce, explique l'amant qui disparaît le lendemain matin. Le désir de connexion et la terreur d'être englouti cohabitent chez tout le monde.4. Les applications de rencontre ont besoin de votre échec (≈ 32:06) Leur modèle repose sur une promesse jamais tenue, exactement comme une machine à sous. Alain reste pourtant optimiste sur la technologie : il imagine une IA témoin du couple, qui signalerait ce que nous ne savons pas entendre. Pourquoi ça compte : ça déplace le débat, le problème n'est pas la technologie, c'est le modèle économique qu'on lui a collé dessus.5. On ne cherche pas quelqu'un de sain, on cherche quelqu'un de lucide (≈ 19:59) La bonne définition d'une attente réaliste, selon lui : quelqu'un capable d'annoncer sa folie avant de la vivre, et de s'en excuser après. Pourquoi ça compte : ça remplace la quête épuisante de la personne parfaite par un critère observable dès les premiers mois.6. Le dialogue a une limite, et il faut l'accepter (≈ 49:05) C'est le moment le plus vulnérable de la conversation. Alain vit de l'idée que les mots transforment les gens, et il admet que ce n'est pas toujours vrai : le traumatisme ferme des portes qu'aucun argument n'ouvre. Pourquoi ça compte : certaines des ruptures les plus douloureuses viennent de là, quitter quelqu'un qu'on aime et qui ne peut pas comprendre.7. La folie de l'autre peut devenir le lieu de l'intimité (≈ 21:28 en germe, développé à 1:20:59) Ce n'est pas la nature du problème qui décide, c'est la manière dont il est porté. Dire « j'ai un problème avec le sexe, aide-moi » peut être plus intime que le sexe lui-même. Pourquoi ça compte : ça retourne complètement la logique des drapeaux rouges. Le défaut avoué relie, le défaut caché détruit.5. Questions posées dans l'interviewComment l'idéal romantique de l'âme sœur a-t-il façonné ce que nous attendons de l'amour, et quels sont les pièges de ces attentes ?Comment prend-on du recul par rapport à un idéal romantique dans lequel nous baignons depuis toujours ?Que valent les papillons dans le ventre, et que sommes-nous censés ressentir quand nous tombons amoureux ?Faut-il suivre son intuition en amour, ou s'en méfier ?Que pensez-vous de l'idée que l'amour dure trois ans ?Quelles sont les attentes réalistes qu'on peut avoir d'une relation ?Existe-t-il des drapeaux rouges fiables, et quelles questions faut-il poser dès les premiers dîners ?Nous vivons dans une société sans friction, Uber, Airbnb, tout doit être fluide. Cherche-t-on aussi un partenaire sans friction ?Est-ce que les hommes hétérosexuels sont plus démunis que les femmes face à leurs propres émotions ?Comment accueillir la folie de son partenaire sans se perdre soi-même ?Peut-on faire changer quelqu'un, et à quelle vitesse ?Comment garder le désir sexuel vivant dans un couple qui s'aime depuis longtemps ?Pourquoi tant d'hommes réclament-ils aujourd'hui des relations ouvertes ?Pourquoi deux personnes qui se sont profondément aimées deviennent-elles des étrangères ?Peut-on pardonner une infidélité, et comment ?Comment savoir qu'on a vraiment tout essayé et qu'il faut partir ?Comment la société devrait-elle évoluer pour améliorer la qualité de nos relations ?Peut-on faire trop de thérapie ?6. Références citées dans l'épisodeAuteurs et philosophesLa Rochefoucauld (≈ 02:48) : « Il y a des gens qui n'auraient jamais été amoureux s'ils n'avaient jamais entendu parler de l'amour. » La citation matrice de tout l'épisode, reprise plus tard à propos du polyamour (≈ 56:47).Sénèque (≈ 17:34) : « Pourquoi pleurer sur des parties de la vie ? Elle appelle tout entière les larmes. » Cité comme exemple de pessimisme réconfortant.Nietzsche (≈ 19:44) : pour vivre, nous avons besoin de certaines illusions.Freud (≈ 33:26) : le complexe d'Œdipe, relu comme modèle des compétences nécessaires à l'âge adulte. Alain note au passage que Freud écrivait mal et qu'il a besoin d'être commenté.Spinoza (≈ 33:50 et ≈ 42:55) : cité comme exemple de penseur qui ne dit pas le meilleur de sa pensée, puis L'Éthique comme exemple de complexité que nous aimons pour de mauvaises raisons.Racine, Shakespeare, Tolstoï (≈ 49:05) : convoqués pour dire que même la plus belle éloquence ne fait pas bouger quelqu'un qui est fermé émotionnellement.Flaubert, Madame Bovary (≈ 59:09) : Emma lit les mauvais livres, ceux qui lui disent que sa vie est ennuyeuse.Livres et créations d'Alain de BottonLe cours de l'amour (The Course of Love) (≈ 00:33) : cité par moi en intro comme le livre qui m'a marqué.The School of Life (≈ 00:33 et ≈ 1:27:43) : l'institution qu'il a fondée, sa chaîne YouTube, et le terrain de ses explorations à venir.Livre français discuté sans être nomméL'amour dure trois ans (≈ 17:34) : je lui soumets la thèse, il répond qu'il ne connaît pas le livre, se félicite qu'il ne soit pas traduit en anglais et refuse d'y croire un vendredi matin à 11h20. [Auteur non nommé dans l'épisode : Frédéric Beigbeder]Cinéma et cultureÉric Rohmer (≈ 59:09) : le cinéaste qui nous apprend la patience des conversations ordinaires.Gladiator (≈ 59:09) : l'exemple inverse, le récit à l'échelle héroïque qui rend la vie quotidienne décevante.Personnes citéesEsther Perel (≈ 18:20) : mentionnée comme la voix à convoquer sur la durée du désir.Invitée d'un précédent épisode de Vlan! (≈ 1:27:26) : je mentionne une conversation qui m'a fait comprendre que le bruit est surtout intérieur. [Nom mal transcrit dans le fichier, à vérifier avant publication]Lieux et imagesLe Bois de Boulogne (≈ 25:39) : l'exemple de l'exhibitionniste.Sainte-Lucie, Saint-Barthélemy (≈ 1:09:21) : les îles de son histoire de plage, la démonstration la plus drôle de notre amnésie sentimentale.Timestamps clés00:00 — Pourquoi cet épisode est en anglais J'explique en français le contexte de l'épisode et pourquoi je tenais à le proposer malgré la barrière de la langue.00:33 — Alain de Botton, School of Life et Le cours de l'amour Mon introduction : pourquoi ce livre m'a marqué, et pourquoi les 20 ou 30 questions les plus difficiles sur l'amour sont réunies ici.02:35 — « Certains ne seraient jamais tombés amoureux s'ils n'en avaient jamais entendu parler » La maxime de La Rochefoucauld comme point de départ : nos émotions ne poussent pas dans le vide, elles sont encouragées par la société. L'idéal romantique nous dit que l'autre doit tout deviner sans qu'on ait à parler.04:59 — La question simple qui fait tomber l'idéal Comment saurai-je que je suis aimé ? À quoi le reconnaîtrai-je ? Vingt personnes dans une pièce donneront vingt réponses différentes selon leur âge, leur pays et leur musique. Nous sommes des créatures hautement suggestibles, et c'est ce qui nous rend libres de changer.06:27 — Les papillons dans le ventre, deux heures suffisent-elles ? Je raconte cette femme rencontrée récemment qui, après deux heures, savait déjà qu'elle ne ressentait rien.07:07 — La solitude originelle et la quête de la maison De l'intérieur d'un corps à l'extérieur du monde, du doudou serré dans les bras à l'adolescence qui cherche un autre corps. Les papillons, c'est la reconnaissance d'une maison perdue, dans une couleur de cheveux, une odeur, un angle de cou, un certain humour.10:58 — Mariages arrangés, romantisme, et le retournement Le passage de la logique dynastique au règne du sentiment, entre 1750 et 1870. Une révolution qui a produit des résultats bien plus paradoxaux qu'on ne le croit.12:52 — La statistique qui fait mal Les enfants d'alcooliques tombent massivement amoureux de personnes qui ont un problème d'addiction. Nous ne sommes pas attirés par le bonheur, nous sommes attirés par le familier.15:43 — Faut-il suivre son intuition ? Non sans la soumettre à examen. Et surtout : tenez un journal de ce que vous vivez, parce que la mémoire réécrit tout. Faites confiance à ce que vous avez ressenti sur le moment, pas à ce que vous imaginez maintenant.17:34 — « L'amour dure trois ans » ? Sa réaction est une des plus drôles de l'épisode. Puis l'argument sérieux : nos goûts ne changent pas si vite, et on ne change pas d'amis tous les trois ans.19:59 — Personne n'est sain d'esprit La seule attente réaliste : quelqu'un capable d'annoncer sa folie juste avant de la vivre, et de s'en excuser après. Il vaut mille fois mieux quelqu'un qui dit « j'ai peur de l'intimité » que quelqu'un qui ne répond plus au téléphone.21:37 — Drapeaux rouges : les vraies questions du premier dîner Un premier dîner est un entretien psychologique. Demandez l'histoire de la personne, sa relation avec ses parents, et observez surtout sa capacité à répondre. « Je ne sais pas, je n'y ai jamais pensé » est en soi une réponse.24:28 — La moitié d'entre nous a peur de s'approcher Environ 50 % des gens portent l'idée inconsciente que se rapprocher de quelqu'un finit mal. Presque tout le monde veut aimer, et presque tout le monde a un obstacle.25:39 — Les perversions sexuelles comme terreurs de l'intimité L'exhibitionniste, le voyeur, et jusqu'au cas le plus tragique. Toutes des manières de refuser la réciprocité. Et le même mécanisme, en version douce, chez l'amant qui promet de rappeler et ne rappelle jamais.28:50 — La vie sans friction et le partenaire sans friction Je lui parle du livre que je veux écrire sur la société du sans-couture, et de cette manie de collectionner les gens en les jetant dès la première imperfection.29:53 — Et si l'IA aidait vraiment les couples ? Son scénario optimiste : une intelligence artificielle témoin du couple, qui signale ce qu'on n'a pas entendu. « Il a mentionné son père trois fois et vous n'avez rien dit. »32:06 — Les applis de rencontre sont des machines à sous Leur modèle repose sur l'échec répété et la promesse du prochain coup. Un appel direct aux entrepreneurs qui écoutent.33:26 — Le complexe d'Œdipe, enfin expliqué utilement Ce que Freud voulait vraiment dire, et pourquoi il l'a mal dit. L'enfant a besoin d'être reconnu comme désirable sans jamais être séduit, et sans jamais être ignoré. Les deux dangers symétriques.38:18 — Pourquoi les conversations entre hommes hétérosexuels sont si ennuyeuses Ça commence dans la cour de récréation, quand pleurer devient une accusation. Ça finit par un adulte qui ne peut dire presque rien de ce qu'il est.40:36 — Quand une remarque sur des chaussures est entendue comme une condamnation à mort Pourquoi certaines personnes vivent toute critique comme une annihilation, et ce que ça révèle de ce qui leur est déjà arrivé.42:55 — Un plaidoyer pour la simplicité Nous adorons la complexité, Spinoza, l'astrophysique, et nous la respectons parfois là où elle n'a rien à faire. Trois heures de discussion quatre fois par semaine sur le sens d'un mot n'est pas une preuve de profondeur.44:26 — Ce qu'est l'amour mature Savoir s'excuser, séparer le passé du présent, distinguer la personne en face de soi de son père ou de sa mère. Et l'analogie du coureur olympique : tout le monde ne peut pas être dans votre équipe.46:36 — On ne change pas sur ordre Les gens changent, mais quand ils le décident, jamais sous la pression. Plus vous insistez, moins c'est possible.47:58 — L'âge émotionnel n'a rien à voir avec l'âge civil Nous tombons amoureux de personnes qui ont notre âge émotionnel. D'où les écarts de vingt ans qui fonctionnent, et les couples du même âge qui se décrochent.49:05 — L'aveu le plus vulnérable de l'épisode Il vit de l'idée que les mots transforment les gens. Et il reconnaît que le traumatisme ferme des portes qu'aucune éloquence n'ouvre. Certaines ruptures naissent exactement là.51:42 — Le désir qui s'éteint dans un couple aimant Le conflit entre le besoin de paraître respectable et la vérité de nos désirs. Plus on a besoin de quelqu'un, moins on ose lui montrer qui on est vraiment.54:17 — Polyamour : « du sang sur le tapis » Son expérience personnelle des amis qui appellent à trois heures du matin. Sans condamner celles et ceux pour qui ça fonctionne.55:51 — L'hôtel, et le partenaire redevenu inconnu La proposition concrète : sortir de la routine, et se rappeler que la personne qu'on croit connaître par cœur reste largement une inconnue.56:23 — Pourquoi tant d'hommes veulent une relation ouverte Une lecture historique et économique du mariage bourgeois, et ce qui se libère quand la contrainte financière disparaît.58:33 — Les histoires d'amour finissent toutes trop tôt Les films s'arrêtent au moment où les deux se trouvent. On ne les voit jamais préparer le dîner vingt ans plus tard.59:09 — Madame Bovary lisait les mauvais livres Rohmer contre Gladiator. Ce que nous regardons décide de ce que nous jugeons digne d'intérêt dans notre propre vie.1:01:06 — La passion, mais psychologique Deux personnes pressées de se retrouver le soir pour reparler de leur enfance. Se mettre psychologiquement à nu, voilà l'aventure qui ne s'épuise jamais.1:02:49 — Le chagrin d'amour est une forme de mort Il refuse de minimiser. Certains en meurent. Et c'est pire quand on ne comprend pas pourquoi l'autre est parti.1:04:09 — Les règles de la décence quand on quitte quelqu'un On prend une amende pour 25 km/h de trop, et on peut disparaître de la vie de quelqu'un après vingt ans sans que personne ne dise rien. Son message le plus direct : si vous savez, partez maintenant.1:07:17 — Peut-on rester amis ? Plus vous avez aimé, plus l'amitié sera pâle. Le meilleur terrain pour une amitié après coup, c'est ironiquement quand on ne s'est pas beaucoup aimés.1:09:21 — Le fichier « problèmes avec X » et l'histoire de la plage Sa méthode contre l'amnésie sentimentale, illustrée par son incapacité chronique à se souvenir qu'il déteste la plage.1:12:11 — L'enfant est une perte, et il faut le savoir La structure tragique de la parentalité, les associations inconscientes qui s'installent quand quelqu'un devient père ou mère, et pourquoi le sexe devient plus compliqué.1:13:47 — « L'équilibre vie pro vie perso n'existe pas » Tout ce qui vaut la peine d'être fait déséquilibre la vie. Il vaut mieux se préparer que se plaindre.1:14:44 — Un plaidoyer pour le compromis Rester pour les enfants n'est pas automatiquement une lâcheté. Refuser tout compromis, c'est un système totalitaire appliqué à sa propre vie.1:16:14 — Comment savoir qu'il est temps de partir Quand vous avez vraiment tout essayé. Les six mois de plus qui semblent perdus vous économisent des années de regrets.1:19:42 — L'infidélité comme tentative de se rapprocher Certaines trahisons disent l'inverse de ce qu'on croit : je ne veux pas sortir, je veux entrer.1:20:59 — La folie de l'autre comme chemin vers l'intimité « J'ai un problème avec le sexe, aide-moi » peut créer plus d'intimité que le sexe. Ce n'est pas la nature du problème qui compte, c'est la manière dont il est porté.1:23:07 — La question qu'on ne lui pose jamais Personne ne l'interroge sur Œdipe ni sur l'exhibitionnisme. Il vient de dire ce qu'il attendait depuis longtemps de pouvoir dire.1:24:10 — L'âge psychologique de l'amour Après les mariages arrangés et l'ère romantique, une troisième époque s'ouvre. Il n'y a qu'une seule voie, l'intelligence émotionnelle.1:25:00 — Peut-on faire trop de thérapie ? Non, mais on peut la faire mal. Et beaucoup de thérapeutes sont mauvais, imposant leur vision du monde à leurs patients.1:26:38 — La porte qu'il ferme : l'anxiété Ce que nous cherchons derrière l'argent, la gloire et l'amour, c'est le calme du nourrisson qui vient de manger.1:27:26 — « Le bruit intérieur a d'abord été un bruit extérieur » La phrase de fin, en une ligne.1:27:43 — Ce qui l'attend La School of Life, et cette immense toile sombre de la vie émotionnelle dont il découvre un morceau à la fois.Hébergé par Audiomeans. Visitez audiomeans.fr/politique-de-confidentialite pour plus d'informations.

Today, with Mitch Horowitz, we dive into the occult origins of America and the hidden influence of secret societies throughout history. From the alchemical pursuits of Isaac Newton and Abraham Lincoln's White House seances to the psychic phenomenon of telepathy and the multiverse of quantum computing, we explore how ancient traditions and ritual magic continue to shape our modern world. Welcome to Camp!

How did the world arrive at its current, disorienting state of identity politics, and how should the church respond? Historian Carl R. Trueman joins us to show how influences ranging from traditional institutions to technology and pornography moved modern culture toward an era of “expressive individualism.” Investigating philosophies from the Romantics, Nietzsche, Marx, Wilde, Freud, and the New Left, he will outline the history of Western thought to the distinctly sexual direction of present-day identity politics and explain the modern implications of these ideas on religion, free speech, and personal identity. Become a Parshall Partner: http://moodyradio.org/donateto/inthemarket/partnersSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Excerpts from a speech by Anne Hathaway are making the rounds in both leftist and conservative circles, and I was asked to do a response video. In this episode, I break down all of the problems with Hathaway's statements, the dangerous ideologies behind her nice-sounding words, and equip you with the information and arguments you need to combat this nice-sounding but deeply evil and destructive ideology. There are big things happening at Blaze, and we'd love for you to join us. You can join now at https://Get.BlazeTV.com/Nick and use promo code “NICK” to get $20 off! SPONSOR: Human Coalition For just $26, you can create a life-saving moment for a mother and her baby. Human Coalition reaches women before the abortion industry does, right when they're scared and searching for a way out, and connects them to free ultrasounds, real resources, and a Continuum of Care that stays with them until they're stable. More than 36,000 women have already chosen life, and over a million more moms still need to be reached. Give $26 and be her lifeline at https://www.humancoalition.org/freitas ----- SPONSOR: Alliance Defending Freedom Alliance Defending Freedom defends your God-given rights in courtrooms across America, winning critical cases for free speech, religious freedom, the sanctity of life, and parental rights, even at the U.S. Supreme Court. For a limited time, your gift is matched by a special grant while matching funds last, so it makes twice the impact. Have your gift matched while funds last. Text NICK to 83848, or give at https://www.JoinADF.com/Nick ----- GET YOUR MERCH HERE: https://shop.nickjfreitas.com/ BECOME A MEMBER OF THE IC: https://NickJFreitas.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nickjfreitas/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/NickFreitasVA Twitter: https://twitter.com/NickJFreitas YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Nickjfreitas TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@nickjfreitas3.0 00:00 – Answering the Hathaway speech that keeps resurfacing 01:29 – "It takes zero courage to love you" 06:46 – Why she keeps calling everything a myth 10:33 – Her central claim, and why it's backwards 14:37 – The seatbelt ad that explains the whole thing 16:54 – Reading the whiteness checklist out loud 19:59 – Where these ideas actually came from 25:26 – Would she give this speech in Tehran? 28:55 – The Marxist turn, and her $80 million 32:26 – She's asking for the Christian framework she rejects 35:45 – "Love is love" is not a definition 40:23 – Freud, Marx, and where this ideology comes from 48:24 – Not love, but a revolutionary agenda Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

POUR COMMANDER MON LIVRE :https://www.editions-larousse.fr/livre/la-philosophie-cest-pour-vous-aussi-9782036070325/POUR COMMANDER MA BANDE DESSINÉE PHILORAMA : https://www.editions-larousse.fr/livre/philorama-9782036082434/Disponible aussi dans toutes les bonnes librairies !

Losing Confidence After Stroke: Why It Happens and How to Get It Back Jaemin Frazer has spent nearly two decades and around 16,000 coaching hours on a single question: what is actually going on when a capable person stops trusting themselves? He founded The Insecurity Project to work on it directly. He is not a stroke survivor – and that turns out to be the reason this conversation is useful, because he arrives without any assumptions about what stroke recovery is supposed to look like. What he does have is a precise account of what happens to a person when their ordered world collapses, which is, more or less, the definition of a stroke. “I Just Want to Be Who I Was” Almost every survivor says some version of this. Six weeks out, six years out – the sentence barely changes. Jaemin’s response is to ask what is actually being requested. His answer: not the past. Certainty. They’re looking for certainty. They’re looking for comfort. They’re looking for safety. They’re looking through rose coloured glasses in many ways, because no one’s life was perfect before anything. That last part is the uncomfortable bit. The life you want back had its own problems. What memory offers is not a better life but a known one – and the nervous system will take known over good almost every time. Certainty Is the Real Request Humans need certainty the way they need food and shelter. We don’t function in chaos. But we also can’t get certainty from the outside world, because the outside world doesn’t have any to give. It never did. The stroke didn’t remove your certainty; it removed your ability to keep believing in it. Which leaves one option. As Jaemin puts it: The most resourceful form of certainty is to embrace uncertainty and back yourself. That distinction – external certainty versus internal certainty – is the whole conversation. When your sense of safety lives outside you, you have to control your circumstances to feel all right, and after a stroke your circumstances are largely uncontrollable. When it lives inside you, circumstances can do what they like. This is the same territory covered in stroke recovery mindset (https://recoveryafterstroke.com/stroke-recovery-mindset/), approached from a completely different angle. Self-Doubt Is Useful. Insecurity Is Not. Jaemin draws a hard line between the two, and it’s worth holding onto. Self-doubt is accurate information about a skill gap. If you can’t yet climb the stairs unaided, self-doubt is what stops you attempting it alone. It says nothing about your worth. It’s wisdom. Insecurity is different. Insecurity is the belief that a failure would expose something defective about you. Jaemin argues that most people misdefine it – it isn’t fear of judgement, failure, or rejection. It’s one level deeper: No one’s actually afraid of being rejected. They’re afraid of: if I put my best foot forward and it’s not enough, and then people don’t accept me – what does that confirm about my own inadequacy? The threat isn’t out there. It’s a verdict you’ve already passed on yourself, waiting for the world to co-sign it. What Insecurity Costs Your Recovery This is where it stops being philosophy. Jaemin frames insecurity as a resource problem. Proving yourself, defending yourself, covering and compensating – all of it consumes energy. When life is going well there’s enough spare capacity that you never notice the drain. After a stroke, there is no spare capacity. A stroke puts you into survival mode, and now you’ve got no resources to survive, because all your best resources are directed elsewhere to make sure no one sees your inadequacy. Survivors already know that fatigue after stroke is not ordinary tiredness. An injured brain rewiring itself is metabolically expensive. Every unit of energy spent managing how you appear to other people is a unit unavailable for healing. Attending to the emotional side of recovery isn’t separate from the physical work – it’s what frees up the capacity to do it. That connection runs through emotional recovery after stroke (https://recoveryafterstroke.com/emotional-recovery-after-stroke-dr-bradley-nelson/) as well. Why Your Friends Push Back Many survivors have to change how they live – what they eat, what they drink, where they go, who they spend time with. And many report losing friends over it. Jaemin’s framing here is bracing. Resistance from the people around you isn’t a malfunction. In any story worth telling, the character who transforms does so by overcoming obstacles, and those obstacles almost always arrive in the form of other people. Remove the resistance and nothing in the hero is enlarged. So when someone says you’ve changed and doesn’t mean it kindly, they are – without intending to – handing you the exact thing you need to become someone who no longer requires their approval. Grief and Insecurity Are Not the Same Thing This distinction matters, and conflating them causes real harm. Losing the use of a limb is a genuine loss. Grief is the appropriate response, and it deserves acknowledgement rather than management. The damage begins when the loss becomes a statement about your worth. I can’t run, therefore I’m not a runner, therefore who am I? That is no longer grief – that’s insecurity wearing grief’s clothes, and it needs a different response entirely. Survivors working through that identity question will recognise it in craniotomy stroke recovery and identity reset (https://recoveryafterstroke.com/craniotomy-stroke-recovery-identity-reset/), and it sits close to the ground covered in anxiety after stroke (https://recoveryafterstroke.com/anxiety-after-stroke/). That’s Not the Tragedy. That’s the Setup. The line Jaemin returns to twice in the episode is this: being lost and confused doesn’t disqualify you from a meaningful life. It’s what qualifies you to begin one. Nobody reaches adulthood with an accurate picture of who they are. Everyone arrives confused. The confusion isn’t damage to be repaired before you can start – it’s the starting position. This reframes the disorientation of early recovery as the opening move rather than evidence that something has gone permanently wrong. The same reframe underpins post-traumatic growth in stroke recovery (https://recoveryafterstroke.com/post-traumatic-growth-stroke-recovery/). And Jaemin is firm that this is solvable – not managed, not coped with. Solvable. Because the inadequacy you’ve been protecting everyone from isn’t real. It’s a conclusion you drew as a child and have been gathering evidence for ever since. There is no monster under the bed. Only the idea of one. Where to Start Start by being precise. When you catch yourself saying I lost my confidence, ask what you actually mean. Confidence at what? In front of whom? What exactly are you afraid would be revealed? Abstract language hides the levers. Precise language shows you where they are. Closing Links If this episode is useful to you, Bill’s book The Unexpected Way That A Stroke Became The Best Thing That Happened covers ten tools for recovery and personal transformation – you can find it at https://recoveryafterstroke.com/book. If you would like one-on-one support with your own recovery, you can apply at https://recoveryafterstroke.com/momentum. If this show has helped you, you can support it at https://patreon.com/recoveryafterstroke. Footer Disclaimer This blog is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Please consult your doctor before making any changes to your health or recovery plan. Losing Confidence After Stroke – Jaemin Frazer (Interview) You don’t need your old life back. You need to trust yourself again – and Jaemin Frazer explains exactly why that feels impossible after stroke. Highlights: 00:00 Introduction – Losing Confidence After Stroke 08:54 Embracing Uncertainty and Personal Resourcefulness 20:43 The Role of Self-Doubt and Insecurity 38:26 Transformational Journeys: Overcoming Obstacles 46:14 The Hero’s Journey and Storytelling 52:07 Understanding Bullies and Personal Growth 59:21 The Role of Parents in Identity Formation 01:11:17 The Cost of Insecurity in Recovery 01:20:55 Finding Purpose Beyond Insecurity Transcript: Introduction – Losing Confidence After Stroke Jaemin (00:00) A stroke puts you into survival mode, and now you’ve got no resources to survive because all your best resources are directed elsewhere So then it costs you everything. It costs you your future. It costs you your ability to heal, to make sense of this, to come out the other side and reinvent or do whatever you need to be present for yourself. It’s a slow descent into madness really, if all your best resources are proving and defending, covering and compensating, then you stop being human, you stop being alive, you stop being present, you become hypervigilant around what others are thinking, and your world keeps getting smaller. Bill Gasiamis (00:35) Welcome back to Recovery After Stroke. I’m Bill Gasciamas. Before anything else, thank you to everyone supporting the show on Patreon, becoming a YouTube member, and to everyone supporting it in all other ways. Sharing episodes, leaving reviews, sending them to someone who needs them, buying the book. This show has reached over a million and a half downloads because of people doing exactly that. And I don’t take it for granted. If you’ve ever caught yourself saying, I just want to be who I was, this episode is going to sit with you for a while. My guest today is Jaemin Fraser. Jaemin is a coach, the founder of the Insecurity Project, a TEDx speaker, and as of this year, a novelist. He spent nearly two decades, around 16,000 coaching hours, on one problem. What happens to a person when they stop trusting themselves and what it costs them? Jaemin has not had a stroke. I want to be upfront about that because it’s the reason this conversation goes where it does. He came to it without any assumptions about what recovery is meant to look like. And what he brought instead is a very precise account of what happens to anyone whose ordered world falls apart overnight. We get into why wanting your odd life back is really a request for certainty. The difference between self-doubt, which is useful, and insecurity, which isn’t, why insecurity draws down the exact energy your brain needs to heal. What’s really going on when friends push back on your habits and why being lost and confused isn’t the tragedy, it’s the setup. Three quick things before we start, my book, The Unexpected Way That a Stroke Became the Best Thing That Happened, covers ten tools for recovery and personal transformation. It’s available at recoveryafterstroke.com/book. If you’d like one-on-one support with your own recovery, I walk I work with a small number of stroke survivors at a time. Structure, accountability, and genuine guidance from someone who’s been through it, you can apply at recoveryafterstroke.com/momentum. And if this show has helped you and you want to help me get to a thousand episodes, you can support it either as a YouTube member or by going to patreon.com/recoveryafterstroke. I want to make sure that No strike survivor. has to ever go through what I went through when I first started my recovery, and that was not having any information about how to proceed after I got sent home from hospital. Now it’s time for the interview. Bill Gasiamis (03:14) Jaemin Fraser, welcome to the podcast. Jaemin (03:15) Thanks for having me, Bill. Bill Gasiamis (03:17) Absolute pleasure, mate. I wanted to ask, actually I want to start with the person listening. They’re anywhere from six weeks to twenty years post stroke, right? and what they say is they want to be back to their old life. In your experience, when someone says, I just want to be who I was, what are they actually asking for? Jaemin (03:39) Hmm, well, I think they’re looking for certainty. They’re looking for comfort. They’re looking for safety. Yeah, they’re looking through rose colored glasses in many ways because no one’s life was perfect before anything. So the fantasy of if I could go back to where I was, it deletes a whole bunch of stuff around the reality of where you were in the first place. But I think that the desire is it’s certainty, safety, peace, comfort. That’s what a person is driven to find some way or other. Bill Gasiamis (04:16) W what do you think it is about certainty? A and what does that even mean? Like I There was, you know, before my experience with stroke, there wasn’t anything that was certain. Is it an illusion? Is certainty an illusion? Because I definitely don’t feel certain about anything going forward either. but kind of not in a bad way. Like I don’t have a bad relationship with the lack of certainty. It’s just. It i it’s just not real. Like I feel like it might be an illusion. Jaemin (04:53) Well, I love Anthony Robbins take on this. I think his six core needs model is his finest contribution to the personal development space and his earliest versions of this, because I think if you were to do a search, Tony Robbins six core needs, what you’re going to get today is an idea that there’s a hierarchy of needs. So you could do a test to work out which needs are most important for you based on your personality type. That’s not how we first introduced them. And I am convinced it’s not actually how it works. So just a quick summary. He says, doesn’t matter what age, what sex, what culture, what stage of life, because you’re human, just as important as food, shelter, clothing is the need for certainty. Firstly, we are creatures who do not survive in chaos. We need some sense of control, order. We thrive in the familiar. We need a sense of what’s happening next. So we organize ourselves and we find certainty. We cannot survive without it. Interestingly though, we also need uncertainty. these six needs operate in paradox. Piers, are you familiar with the six core needs? Bill Gasiamis (06:07) I’m not actually. Jaemin (06:08) and variety is the first two and they operate in paradox pairs. So certainty pulls you one way, but we also need variety. If you have 100 % certainty, you’re completely bored and Bill Gasiamis (06:18) Uh-huh. Jaemin (06:19) you would ruin things. You’d mess it up so that there would be something to do. So we need uncertainty, surprise, spontaneity, adventure. But if you have 100 Bill Gasiamis (06:30) You’d mess it up i is is is messing it up because you need uncertainty, is that that sounds like like self sabotage. Jaemin (06:41) Well, it is if it’s unresourceful. is if you haven’t, I mean, the aim of the game is to find high quality internal resource, ways to meet these needs. If you don’t find that, then unconsciously, you’ll still find a way to meet these needs and it will be through sabotage, dysfunction, know. So certainty and variety are the first two. The second two are significance and love. So all humans need a sense of significance, need to know, I matter? Am I more than just a name and number? Do I have value? Is there any point to me? Now that’s a journey away from the tribe because we’re also relational beings. So we don’t survive in isolation. We need love, belonging, connection, warmth, touch. So if you have 100 % love and connection, you lose your separateness. And if you have 100 % significance, then you’re completely lonely and isolated. But we do need both. Embracing Uncertainty and Personal Resourcefulness So certainty, variety, significance, love, and then the final two are contribution and growth. So humans do feel the need to make a difference, add value, give back, leave a legacy, solve problems. So contribution is about adding value to others. And then growth is adding value to yourselves, to ourselves. Every living thing grows, you either grow or die. So this is the need that drives us to do more, to have more, to see more, to expand our experience. one way shape or another. it’s a strange thing to need certainty back to certainty. It’s a strange thing to need certainty for survival in an uncertain world because you then can’t help but cling to things that aren’t really certain and try and control them. Cling to a job you don’t like, cling to a memory that feels familiar, cling to a relationship that’s dysfunctional. cling to stuff that you know, because it makes you feel certain and makes you feel safe. There’s a predictability around it. What you’re describing is not that you’ve done away with the need for certainty. It’s that you have a certainty in your ability to handle the real world. So you don’t need to cling to things being a certain way. You don’t need to force things to be back the way they were. You’re like, that’s ridiculous. Here I am now and I’m certain. that I am a resourceful person, a creative person, a good person, a clever person, I’ll work it out. The real world will happen to me. I’ll wake up, I’ll open my eyes and I’ll handle it. That’s what I’m certain about. So the most resourceful form of certainty is to embrace uncertainty and back yourself. Bill Gasiamis (09:26) To be certain about uncertainty. Jaemin (09:28) There be certain uncertainty. That is the only certainty. It’s, you there’s you think, what is certain? well, the sun’s going to come up tomorrow. For some people, it’s not. Some people, this will be the last sunrise they ever see. No one’s expecting that, but it happens. So we’re not entitled to any more time, any more opportunity. That’s not certain. It’s not guaranteed. So yeah, the only certainty is it’s all uncertain. So then you must find certainty within, and that will require you to examine your own. your your capability, your own resourcefulness and to grow up and mature in your own sense of who you really are. Bill Gasiamis (10:06) Yeah. I have this saying that I picked up from somewhere. Some dude in the Middle East, like I think in the 40s or 50s, said this thing. I forget his name. I I always wanted to remember his name so I can give him credit, but it goes like exp expect the best, prepare for the worst. And it kind of feels like that’s how I handled my uncertainty when, you know, the doctor turns up day one. Of a bleed in the brain diagnosis and says, gives you the most vague version of the diagnosis and said to me, there’s a shadow on your brain. It could be a cancer, it could be a sea it could be a tumor that’s benign, it could be a bleed in the brain. Like, any questions? And I was like, Well. Jaemin (10:57) There’s a few. Bill Gasiamis (11:01) I don’t know, at eleven PM on a Friday night. Maybe not. Let’s talk in the morning. but it’s like And then after that came a lot of uncertainty. We didn’t know what a family life was gonna be like. We didn’t like know what my work life was gonna be like. We didn’t know whether I’d be around. We didn’t know any of the things that I kind of knew the day before, which I took for granted that I knew, which was only that w without knowing that there’s something wrong in my head and that potentially I’m unwell, I knew that. Tomorrow was going to be pretty much the same as yesterday. And there’s going to be some movement in a couple of similar directions, maybe a few odd ones and different ones. And I suppose that expect the best prepare for the worst was me embracing uncertainty, the certainty of uncertainty. Does that saying kind of capture that spirit? Jaemin (12:03) It certainly does. However, the challenge is no surprise. I’m going to talk about insecurity being a challenge because then it comes back to them. But then what do you believe about yourself? You know, do you feel like you’re actually up for the challenge? Do you have the resourcefulness? What is the story you tell around your own capacity, your capability, your intelligence, your value? Because to fear inadequacy then undermines your confidence in your own ability to handle the real world. And therefore you must then cling to external certainty and long for things to go back the way they were so that you can be safe. Because you don’t trust yourself to be up for the challenge. Bill Gasiamis (12:50) Yeah. It’s a real interesting conundrum because before I was unwell I didn’t contemplate life, me and how I interact with life or the possibility of nail life. I didn’t I didn’t contemplate that whole relationship and then you’re thrust in it and it seems like people that I’ve interviewed at least the four hundred odd stroke survivors that I’ve interviewed have not got the resources backfilled in preparation for when that day comes, and then you feel inadequate, insecure, perhaps, whatever the word is, that you can even handle this. I’ve never met anyone who said, I know, I was 100% certain that I was going to handle this diagnosis from my doctors. Can you prepare for the worst? Like that whole going back to that statement again, that saying, is there a way that we can even prepare for the worst when we don’t even know what the worst is? Is it even is it sounds like it might be might be a futile pursuit? Jaemin (14:07) Whoa. I I think you and I here today are doing that exact thing, you know, with internal resourcefulness. We don’t know what tomorrow is bringing. So in some ways we are certain in our capacity to, you know, hope for the best, prepare for the worst. So that’s not futile. I don’t consider that futile at all. And I think that is the only job is to resource yourself for the real world, is to grow up, is to become mature. The way that I think about that is self-sufficiency. You when you’re young, you’re growing through stages of development and really learning self-sufficiency. Can you feed yourself? Can you dress yourself? Can you learn yourself? Can you drive a car? Can you earn money? And they’re all the things, physical, financial, self-sufficiency, but people are… seem, you know, it’s see when it comes to emotional, intellectual, psychological self sufficiencies, like what is that? How does that even work? And so they come into their adult world, being able to earn money, being able to drive a car, out, address themselves, you know, wipe their own ass. Great. But when it comes to validating their own existence, when it comes to sourcing their own certainty, when it comes to deeply loving and accepting themselves, when it comes to being the one that approves of themselves, that sees themselves. you know, adults are typically ill prepared for that, you know, stroke Bill Gasiamis (15:38) Mm-hmm. Jaemin (15:38) or no stroke. And so, you know, you know, we’re talking about when a stroke happens, but people have all kinds of catastrophes they’re not prepared for, you know, and things are fine because their ordered world is safe and predictable. And then next day it’s not. And they look inside and they’ve never developed the resources, the internal resources of adulthood that helps them stand solid when the world is falling around apart. about them. you know, primarily that is the work of the insecurity project. It’s these conversations around existential angst, which people don’t prepare for because their world’s ordered. But when your world falls apart, then you really see how unprepared you are to handle difficulty and the worst case scenario if you have not examined your own sense of who you are. Bill Gasiamis (16:29) Mm-hmm. The world being ordered, it can be ordered in a dysfunctional way as well, right? Jaemin (16:39) Well, that’s, yes, that’s exactly what happens because we need certainty. I love thinking about these six core needs as a vacuum. In our atmosphere, a vacuum is always filled. So someone says to me, I don’t need that much certainty. You know, I’m more of a risk taker, I’m adventurous, or they might, someone else might be the opposite. I need so much certainty, I’m very risk averse. you know, someone looks at one of my clients recently looked at me and says, you’re a free spirit. You’re adventurous. It’s different. It’s different from me. You know, I’m very analytical. I’m risk averse. I’m safety conscious. But if you zoom out and have a look at both of us, I need just as much certainty as that person. Exactly. I can’t survive without certainty. I can’t survive without order. It’s just that I’ve found a high quality, internal adult way to order my world so that I have internal safety. which then frees me to go into the world and experience uncertainty and play. Whereas this other person has not found an internal way to create order. So they’re clinging to all the dysfunctional external forms of order. Hate their Bill Gasiamis (17:47) Wow. Jaemin (17:47) job, relationships falling apart, don’t like their relationship with money, know, problems here, difficulties there, but it’s familiar. So I better cling to it because I know it. There you go, there’s some certainty for you. Bill Gasiamis (18:03) I love what you said, like that internal sense of certainty Jaemin (18:06) Hmm Bill Gasiamis (18:07) seems to be the biggest l skill lacking in many, many people. If you have internal sense of certainty, then you don’t have to control the outside world. You put the dishwasher plate in the wrong direction. You know, when we loaded the dishwasher, y this might be revealing. you park the car in the wrong bay, or you know, all these little things that people kind of cling to to make their world feel right if they see it like that. If everyone just did the task the way that they needed to do it, then I wouldn’t have a problem, right? But if you have internal certainty and you can be more flexible, I think Tony Robbins talks about being having multiple ways to be to be. being more flexible, then you realize that there are infinite number of ways that things can be loaded into a dishwasher, for example, even though there are certainly some ways that won’t be able to wash the dishes effectively, perhaps, but there are many ways, and the other person’s ways not necessarily the wrong way or the odd way or or the incorrect way, right? Jaemin (19:30) Yeah. Bill Gasiamis (19:31) I think I resonate with that immediately, that internal sense of certainty. And then the external world becomes easier to navigate. Is that is that Jaemin (19:44) Well, does because then play becomes possible and you don’t need things to be anything other than they are, know, good, bad or indifferent. You have an experience that looks terrible. Well, are you sure it’s terrible? Or could there be learning? Could there be a gift? Could there be an opportunity? Might you meet someone? Might your life change in an unexpected way? Like who’s to say a bad experience is actually a bad experience if you’re free to encounter it as it is. The Role of Self-Doubt and Insecurity That’s what becomes possible if you have internal safety and that you do back yourself to handle that. And I think it’s an abstract concept for most people because they’ve never faced their fear of their deep inadequacy. And so it’s always undermined. They would love to take internal certainty, but their conviction, if they’re really honest, and it’s hard to be honest, because this stuff gets pretty well suppressed. Their honest fear is that there is a problem with them. There is an inadequacy. They are not up to the challenge. So if they rely on themselves, they will be found lacking and wanting. So therefore they must look outside themselves. That’s their only option. Bill Gasiamis (20:53) Got it. You’ve worked with high performers for hundreds and maybe thousands of hours, right? if one of them walked into you into a meeting with you and said, I had a stroke and I lost my confidence, what what’s the first thing you ask them? Jaemin (21:15) What do you mean? That would be the first thing that I asked them. I understand a little about a stroke. think I would understand enough about that part of the sentence, but I’m more curious around the second part of the sentence. I love Jordan Peterson’s thinking in so many ways. And he says, listen, be precise in your speech because things that go unnamed become monsters that consume you. So that would be where I would start. What do you mean I lost this happened and that made me do this? Are you sure? That’s how it actually worked. What do you mean? Let’s have a look. Let’s have a look. So that’s my whole world is someone comes to me with a level of abstraction. They use language that’s abstract. And when you use abstract language, you cannot see any of the levers that can be pulled. And so you end up feeling hopeless and overwhelmed. When you be precise, when you have a look, you actually begin to see the mechanics, the structures that are actually influencing your experience. And when you see them precisely, the levers become apparent, like, I could actually adjust that. I could turn this, I could change this. Therefore now I’m back in control of my own experience of my reality. So yeah, that’s where I say, what do you mean? What are you talking about exactly? Bill Gasiamis (22:37) I love that. It’s it reminds me of when I hear the word the one of the most common words I hear in my interview, stroke recovery, stroke conversations. And I I’m specifically talking about stroke because that’s my niche, right? That’s my audience, that’s the podcast. But I know this is a situation kind of that I experience also broadly outside of my stroke podcast world. my children, others that I come across is I hear the word depression and anxiety. And it’s an umbrella word that people place on so many experiences and nobody ever even really knows if if I challenge if I have the permission and and I’m in a room with the right person to challenge them and ask them, well, do you do you know what the definition of depression is? And do you know what the definition of anxiety is? Nobody can really give you that. And they’ve taken a word and they apply it to an experience that may have been completely separate from the intended definition of a word like depression and anxiety. And I I kind of feel like that’s what you’re saying. Like somebody says, I’m I’m depressed, like, okay, like, why? How? How do you know that? Jaemin (24:00) It’s exactly anxiety is a great story because I go, well, hang on. How did you, how are you anxious? And anxiety requires a backstory to survive. So I’m curious, you know, are you anxious tying your shoes? No. how do you do not anxiety? Well, I don’t know. No one cares. I can’t fail. I’ve done it a million times. there you go. That’s interesting. So the, the areas that you are not anxious about, there’s no possibility of being found inadequate. Curious. So the areas you are anxious, you’re only anxious because there’s something about the activity you’re involved in, which you feel threatened, personally threatened that someone might see your flaw. So let’s not worry about the anxiety, it’s downstream. Tell me about this perceived flaw. Tell me about this thing that you think is wrong with you. Are you sure that’s even there? The great humor of my work in the same as what you’re saying, know, insecurity. Talking about fear, my first question to people, what are you afraid of? And no one knows. People are experiencing fear. They can tell you that much. So what you’re running and hiding, but what are you running and hiding from? yeah, it’s just this, you know, I just feel so, like, okay, interesting. So you’re running and hiding. What about if we go and have a look at what it is you’re running and hiding from? You might be surprised. In fact, You will be surprised. promise you it’s not what you think it is. And you’ve just been running and hiding for so long. You’ve just become convinced that there’s a thing here that you ought to keep running and hiding from. I’m not so sure. Bill Gasiamis (25:41) Yeah. That what are you afraid of? That’s a very interesting question. Again, you know, I find myself in the hot seat here. And every time I ventured down something new, it was interesting now ’cause I’m reflecting like how often insecurity came up. You know, the first few episodes of the podcast were, my God, people are going to judge it, they’re gonna say it’s no good, you don’t know how to interview, all that kind of stuff. And the the best thing to do was just put it out there. And if somebody did say that was handle it. And if somebody didn’t say that, well then there was nothing to handle. So just do it anyway. And I remember then also with my book, I’m not an author. I did I’m not a scholar. I’ve never done any of that stuff. But I wrote my first book, The Unexpected Way That a Stroke Became the Best Thing That Happened. It’s a pretty loaded title. And I knew it was gonna ruffle some feathers. But I put it out there and the very first comment that I got from the very first post that I made was a negative one. And what I realized was that pattern was similar in that when I started the podcast, I had the exact same concern that it might happen and it did. People did give me negative feedback. But then it seems to me now now that I’ve learnt a few times, you know, what happens when you put yourself out there for the first time when you tell the world this is what I’ve created, you know, I’m sharing my creation is part of the journey has to be something that’s gonna test your insecurity. It might not be a negative comment or so but it but it might be like bad sales or it might be nobody listens or whatever. So it sounds like insecurity is necessary in some cases to kind of overcome, to tackle it, to overcome it, so that you can be better at tackling it and overcoming it and achieve more things. Do you know what I’m saying? Did I explain that correctly? Jaemin (27:54) Yeah, I think I understand. I don’t think I agree with you though. Bill Gasiamis (27:58) Okay. Jaemin (27:59) So here’s how I’d think about it. I’d separate self-doubt and insecurity into slightly different categories. Bill Gasiamis (28:07) Okay, so you picked up self doubt there. Jaemin (28:10) So, so self doubts are really important quality of wisdom. So for instance, I’ve got a mate who races super bikes, you know, say he got injured this weekend and he says, Jaemin, you know, there’s still four rounds left. Can you sub in for me and race my super bike next week? And I’m like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now I’ve never raced a super bike before. I do have a motorbike license, but you know, if I didn’t have severe self doubt, I’d be delusional. I’d be a crazy person and I would be, you know, dangerous to myself and the world. So self doubt doesn’t, doesn’t tell me I’m a bad person. It just highlights the limit of the things I’m good at. So, so the real function of self doubt to me is more what you’re describing. It’s, it’s the limit says, you’re not actually very good at this. Now that doesn’t say anything about your essence, your value and your worth. Would you like to be good at this? And I go. Actually, no, great. Well, then don’t do it. Don’t do it because it’ll go bad. I’m like, Yeah, I’d actually like to be good at it. excellent. Well, you have a massive skill gap. So go take however long to learn the skills and fill the skills so that you can come back with genuine confidence with earn confidence so that you could compete in this arena and do well. That’s that’s a wisdom conversation. Now insecurity is this personal piece. It’s like, I’m gonna put myself out there. people are gonna judge, laugh, critique, and then they’ll see who I really am. They will see my flaws, my flaws, my inadequacies will now be exposed to the world. Now it’s personal. And so to me, the definition of insecurity is really important here because people think insecurity is somehow related to the fear of what others think about them, the fear of being judged, the fear of failing, the fear of being rejected. Bill Gasiamis (30:04) Hmm. Right. Jaemin (30:05) Really imprecise. That’s not that’s not insecure at all. It’s just one or two levels deeper than that. You know, say for instance, the fear of failure, which is a typical one. And no one’s actually afraid of failing. They’re afraid of the personal implications of failure. I if I try my best at something, and then it doesn’t work. Huh? What have I just revealed to the world about me the problem with me? Same as rejection. No one’s actually afraid of being rejected. They’re afraid of, if I put my best foot forward and it’s not enough, and then people don’t accept me, huh, what does that reveal? What does that prove? What does that confirm about my own inadequacy? So then insecure. Bill Gasiamis (30:47) about what I about what I think are my inadequacies. Because it’s not about the other Jaemin (30:50) Exactly, that’s insecurity. Insecurity is… Bill Gasiamis (30:53) person’s thinking, it’s me, what I think, and then they’re confirming my inadequacy that I’ve Jaemin (30:56) confirming it. That’s it. That’s it. Bill Gasiamis (30:58) generated and created, which is not even real. Jaemin (31:01) That’s exactly right. That’s the thing, which is hilarious. But when you see that now the levers become apparent, because if the fear is out there, then you got to control the world constantly and obsess about it. But if the fear is here and you created it, then the levers are very apparent. You could then go examine this perceived inadequacy, trace it back to when you first described it and examine it at its roots. Like you could go on a structural engineering quest back into the the substance of your own sense of you, the language you’ve used to describe yourself and check it, check it for integrity, check it for gaps, check it for misunderstandings. Like that’s the fun of what I get to do. It’s take what appears to be abstract, mysterious, messy, unknowable and treat it like a structural engineer just by examining the structure of language. Bill Gasiamis (31:57) People don’t do that much, do they? Jaemin (31:59) No, no, no. And people are insecure about being insecure. So like when I launched the insecurity project, my business coach said, that’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard. Like you’ve picked the most difficult, scary topic and put it at the front. No one’s going to be putting their hands up saying, Jay, when I’m insecure, can you help me? Like it’s existential angst. It’s the human condition. We want to be good. We’re just afraid that we’re not. So we run and we hide and we cover and compensate. So yeah, it’s a hard topic to face and yet the great joke is there’s no actual reason for it to be hard other than the confirmation bias we’ve given ourselves buying into our own bullshit, confirming our own fiction, exasperating our own misunderstanding. So there is no monster under the bed. It’s just the idea of a monster that terrifies us. Bill Gasiamis (32:55) we influenced in that way by external sources or is that a a human a human thing like that that we are kind of pre-programmed to do just because of that whole safety issue because you know safety comes in in a variety of different things. You know, you have to be safe from people entering your home, you know, back in the day and harming you and your family and taking your belongings. If you’re in a war torn area, you have to be safe from, you know, the invaders and that kind of stuff. But also this discussion that we’re having seems to me, as you keep going into those little beautiful deep places, it seems to me that Again, it’s about us creating like many barriers of safety around us and thinking that that’s the perhaps not even thinking like in just instinctively creating this kind of like multi layered safe structure that we can’t be harmed in. Jaemin (34:06) brilliant way of describing it. And that is the instinct. We are hardwired for safety. You cannot like this idea, more courage, less fear, feel the fear and do it anyway. It’s such a nonsense as though you could turn off your need for safety. Bill Gasiamis (34:20) Mm-hmm. Jaemin (34:21) It’s chemical, it’s biological, it’s psychological, it’s unconscious. And that as the child, the child starts in a very carefree, non-transactional experience of being themselves. I’m just here, not. doing the dishes and not mowing the lawn and not contributing to my ecosystem in any way, shape or form. And yet I’m being rewarded, loved, nurtured, cared for, praised, fed. Hmm, turns out it’s fine to be me. I can be relaxed and at ease being me, me as I am without performing, without achieving, without contributing is enough. Great. And then, then you, you know, you get somewhere past two, you know, somewhere around that the game breaks down. And all of a sudden you’re expected to participate, to perform, to conform, to behave. And no child’s prepared for that. No one’s ready for that. Such a surprise. And so the first time the child gets surprised, embarrassed, disappointed, upset, scolded, it’s such a confusing experience, but all the alarm, those safety warning lights are going off through their whole being. There’s a danger you didn’t know about. You. must pay attention and here’s the thing the danger is in you the danger is you’re not who you need to be to survive in this world so don’t be you ever again like be other than you be better than you be different than you do not ever show up present and unguarded ever again or it will turn to shit so yes it’s safe so then you build this safe world this safe persona these safe structures these familiar places where people think you’re good, think you’re smart, think you’re strong. Also, they never see the thing that you don’t want them to see, which would be the ultimate danger and then you die. Yeah, it’s entirely about a biological, chemical, psychological need for safety that is unavoidable. Bill Gasiamis (36:21) Hmm. It what came up in my mind while you were chatting about that is often stroke survivors need to make some radical changes in their life, the way they go about their nutrition, who they hang out with, the stuff they listen to and read, the whole the whole thing. Like, know, it’s sometimes it’s a line in the sand moment and everything changes, and you’ve got to change everything I did. And One of the challenges that stroke survivors have, well, I’ll talk about me. I had the challenge of, well, I needed to stop smoking and I needed to stop drinking. But all my extended family and friends were smokers and drinkers. And stroke survivors often comment about how they lose friends after a stroke. And we’re I and I’ve kind of tried to unravel that a few times and understand what it is that makes it difficult for people to evolve and and adapt and grow and stop the behaviors that perhaps led to a stroke, you know, so that they don’t have another one. And family and friends often do that. They kind of intervene in a way which says, Well, what do you mean we can’t have a drink when we go out? Like that’s we always go and have a drink. And then that person has has to explain themselves, perhaps, or conform again, just to be part of the group. The question is, are we also dealing with the insecurities of our family and friends when we find a way to overcome our own insecurities, perhaps, about something, and then we start to change and evolve and move forward? Are they are those people feeling like Transformational Journeys: Overcoming Obstacles They’re left behind. Th sometimes the sometimes the sentences that people hear when they try and stop smoking or drinking in a particular situation are you’ve changed. You know, like it’s a bad thing. But it’s not said in a positive way. People experience it on both sides of the coin in a negative way. The person who’s saying to their friend who’s had a stroke, who’s trying to not have another one, is saying, You’ve changed and I don’t like the way you’ve changed. And the person changing is hearing I’m changing and now people are having a bad experience because I’m changing. Like What’s all that about with that other person in our life? Jaemin (38:59) Such a great question. Can I, genuine question, can I take five minutes to answer that question? Bill Gasiamis (39:07) You can, absolutely. Jaemin (39:09) because I think this opens up a possibility for a window into a whole different experience of life if you’re willing to go down this thought experiment. Bill Gasiamis (39:23) I am. Let me switch my header off. It’s getting too hot in here. Jaemin (39:31) So I’ve just finished writing my first novel. It’s a five year project. I thought it was impossible. And then it out it wasn’t. It turns out I learned a lot about myself and the process of writing. And it’s been a thoroughly delightful experience. But great storytelling, great fiction writing typically follows some kind of hero’s journey trajectory. You’ve got a small, weak, lost, strange hero who for whatever reason says yes to a cold wood venture and embarks on a journey of self-discovery and eventually has to go do the thing that only they can do along the way they meet a wisdom character. You know, there’s a Gandalf, there’s a Yoda, there’s a Dumbledore, Mr. Miyagi, but eventually the hero’s got to go face the biggest fear and do the thing that’s impossible. And when they do, they come out the other side transformed and then they return home with that transformation and their whole world benefits. So, so it is the process of transformation. It’s the process of potential. It’s the process of destiny. It’s the process of seeing a person fulfilled in their experience of themselves. So a writer is bringing you in, in along for that journey. Now, if the writer transforms the hero magically or supernaturally, it’s a horrible story. You know, if the writer goes, you know, here’s the weak person. They went to sleep and they woke up the next day transformed. Who knows what happened. It was just, you’re like, really? What’s the point of that story? Like, that’s a horrible story. If the transformation happens in a way that’s supernatural or magic, it’s false. The transformation happens through overcoming of obstacles. The weakling becomes strong by overcoming resistance. And the resistance is almost always through the form of characters. So the writer says, stage, write the bully and to stage, write the villain, the parent, the trickster, the joker, the judge, the king, like, and so the hero doesn’t know the story is being written about them. And so experiences all these characters very personally and wishes the characters would go away. But the audience kind of sees the gift in the character, sees the opportunity. You know, when the audience sees a bully harassing a victim, what the audience is rooting for is that the victim would rise up and punch the bully in the nose. And something transformational happens if that victim ever does, you know, they actually then receive the bully’s gift. All along the bully had this gift of personal power delivered in the form of oppression. And because the victim had to find such deep strength that they didn’t even know existed to rise up and finally say this ends here, they’ll never be the victim again. And so in that way they’re transformed. So you could make a case to go, thanks, bully for being a good bully because you made my life so hard. I didn’t think it was possible to overcome you. Thank you. It’s not personal. So a writer then is not going to write an empathetic bully, you know, a very emotionally intelligent, compassionate, they’re going to write a thug. They’re going to write a dullard. They’re going to write someone who’s big and does not change. And even though the, the hero wants to bully the change. If the bully changes, if the bully goes to a spiritual retreat and comes home and change man and then apologizes and makes it up to the victim, it’s kind of nice, but the audience is going, but the victim didn’t have to become stronger in any way. So they’re still just as strong and the next bully is coming and they’re no better prepared. So all that to say, love, I love treating our own lives like this hero’s journey story. I love gamifying the experience. I love going. You know, this insecurity, a lot of people think if only I had a different experience at childhood, then I wouldn’t be so insecure now. If only there weren’t so many difficult people blocking my path, then it would be easier for me. Like, what, do you mean? Like that’s, that’s not the tragedy. That’s the setup. That’s how the game begins. Like that’s how the tensions created so that you have a gift of being able to overcome. So these people exist for you. And yes, they’re in your way. Great. Yes, they’re making it hard. Perfect. But we only play hard games. Like if you’re, you’re playing footy and it’s, you know, last year’s premieres versus the under 10s girls side and you win, you, that’s a very embarrassing experience. Like you don’t eat. That’s a horrible thing. You, know, this year’s premieres, you know, sorry, last year’s premieres versus the team that’s got undefeated this year and you win that game. You know, that’s, that’s a meaningful experience. and yeah, I love this idea that everyone comes into their twenties and thirties lost and confused. And most people are really upset about that. Wishing that their experience up till then had been different and feeling disqualified from a meaningful life because of what’s happened, because of who said this and who’s done that. But if you just zoom out and say it like a hero’s journey or a beautiful game, then then you realize, no, no, no, being lost and confused, oppressed, you know, that doesn’t disqualify you. That’s what qualifies you to go play. Now you can begin, now you can begin this journey of self-discovery to go all the way back to the beginning and see who you’ve always been all along. So it’s a very different way of thinking about life, but I’m constantly confronted with people who treat the stuff that’s happened to them as wounds. And the best you could ever hope for is that eventually you could bring healing to yourself and it become a visible scar that doesn’t really afflict you. Whereas this says, yeah, what if those things, what if life doesn’t happen to you? It happens for you. And the real gift is your own opportunity to rediscover who you’ve always been by overcoming obstacles and especially in the form of people and especially in the form of insecure people. who of course are going to make your journey difficult. Of course, you know, not everyone’s cheering you on. Eventually the heroes got to go alone. Eventually they’ve got to. If they don’t go alone, then they can’t do the thing that only they can do. The Hero’s Journey and Storytelling Bill Gasiamis (46:01) Yeah. Man, that was well well worth the f the the time that you allocated to answer it because it’s such an important part of recovery after anything. and In fact, I learnt about the Heroes Journey after my brain surgery. So we’re talking about I don’t know. I think I got out of hospital for after brain surgery in late 2014. And I think it was around 2017 I did a particular course that I was in. It was a behavioral modeling course and it was about modeling a behavior that we thought was one worth other people learning and repeating. And the The person who was running the course, awesome friend of mine and mentor and teacher, a gentleman called Marvin Oka, he spoke about the hero’s journey as part of this course to teach us about like how to tell a story. And I hadn’t grasped the concept very well. but because of that course, my first book was able to become a reality. It took four years for me to. make that happen. And I released it in twenty twenty twenty three, somewhere there. And since then I’ve done a bit of a deep dive into the hero’s journey and understanding how to take people through a story. And my next book is structured that way. There’s a moment where life is quote unquote normal and then there’s an event and then there’s everything, you know, there’s been a spanner thrown in the works and everything is not like it used to be. And now there is this post-traumatic growth experience that you can go on. And if you know you’re going on it, it’s easier to go on it. But some people are not aware that they might be going on this journey. They’re just programmed from a previous way of doing life that these things are all terrible and bad and they’re not good. And there’s no growth and there’s no learning and there’s no opportunity. But there but there is, but we just framed it. in our past way of thinking and that’s not applicable now, even though we’re still trying to apply it, apply it, apply it. And what you said about the the bully, I remember at school, if if I was a victim, bullies used to seek me out like like a mosquito knows who to go and sting, right? Jaemin (48:40) Yeah Bill Gasiamis (48:42) But then the first bully I punched in the nose was was it. That was the key to unlocking the whole how other people perceived me in those types of situations. And then none of the bullies turned up to have a go because they weren’t gonna get or or perhaps they saw that my response was going to affect their insecurities about themselves. Right. and realistically when I was going through stroke, stopping smoking, stopping drinking, stopping attending the particular venues where smoking and drinking happened so that I can avoid smoking and drinking. It meant that certain people couldn’t associate with me anymore. And It’s not that they were bullies, but when I learnt how to manage that situation once, the others that now I that I now interact with don’t require us to interact in a way that includes smoking and drinking in a particular venue. We can have just as meaningful interactions without the smoking and drinking, without being in that venue, just being in a different location. Doing a different thing. And and there’s no n and and no one feels bad about that interaction. I don’t feel about bad about it because I’m not partaking in something that the other person wants me to partake in. And the other person’s not feeling bad because they’re partaking in something that I’m not partaking in. And we’re there for the same reason. We’re there for the catch up. We’re not there for the smoking and the drinking. Jaemin (50:26) Yeah, and that’s often the way when you break through an archetypal character, a bully is a great example. It’s not uncommon that there becomes a level of respect, a mutual respect post that violence or post the standing up for yourself. And it’s not unheard of that bullies and victims become friends and respect each other. And so there Bill Gasiamis (50:50) Mm. Jaemin (50:50) must become a line in the sandwich like, whatever it costs me, If I, you know, the smoking drinking example, if you never talked to me ever again, if you cannot, then that will be okay. But I cannot go here ever again. And I won’t and you cannot make me and I won’t be made. And so there it is. Great. That your audience is watching that cheering. Yes, transformed. Never be victim again. And then on the other side of that, it’s often surprising what happens in those relationships. And it’s not uncommon for mutual respect, even though It’s not guaranteed and you have to be willing to let go of it completely. Because yeah, the hero’s got to go alone. Bill Gasiamis (51:33) we we’re talking about it like, you know, you know, we’re kinda having a a t a philosophical conversation, an intellectual conversation. We’re doing all of this stuff. And I remember being literally on the football pitch fighting with a kid, and then once we’d thrown the punches and everyone had done what they had to do in that moment, it was are we are we done? All good? And and it was. We were done. And we were all good. And it was instinctive. Like I wasn’t even ten years old or eleven years old or something. And yeah, then we got along forever. Understanding Bullies and Personal Growth Jaemin (52:08) A quicker side, but on the very same thread, if you keep thinking about characters like archetypes, do you know the hardest, but the most exciting, the most wonderful and the most, the biggest opportunity that the person in your life or the people in your life to treat as characters, not the bullies, any idea what makes the top of my list in terms of the characters with the biggest opportunity for growth. Bill Gasiamis (52:39) Just I’m kinda drawn to say family, my family, but Jaemin (52:42) family and parents make the top of the list. And I think Bill Gasiamis (52:46) Yeah, right. Jaemin (52:47) Sigmund Freud’s greatest contribution was that the nest is the hardest challenge for the human to break free from the nest is number one. And all this function ultimately comes from the nest, the familial relationships, exerting unconscious pressures from the parent of the child and the child with the parent outliving their usefulness. And so But in the same way, like no victim when they’re being bullied wants to see it like an archer, like wants to say it like a gift. They want to be rescued or they want the bully to change. It’s impossible to face a bully. Same with the parents. It’s like, don’t understand. This is my dad. You don’t understand. Like it’s just, you know, blood is thicker than water. You got to be there for family. Like it’s just how it’s Bill Gasiamis (53:30) Mm. Jaemin (53:30) always been. The way my parents make me feel like no one wants that tension. and would hope that the tension just goes away. But if you see it like a great story, it provides the greatest opportunity for your own sovereignty. You know, the bully’s gift is personal power. The parent’s gift is sovereignty. Because when you were born into their world, it’s like you’re born into a kingdom, king and queen on the throne, and it’s their arbitrary rules. In this world, this is how we do it. You don’t like it, bugger off down the street. But here, you know, do this, don’t do that. Why, dad? Don’t ask why, just do what I say. So the parental relationship, parents are right even when they’re wrong. And that’s a really important distinction for the nature of those relationships. And so you are a subject inside a kingdom, their rules, their map of the world, their right, even when they’re wrong. And it’s incredibly hard to break free from that to create your own map of the world and Bill Gasiamis (54:29) Mm. Jaemin (54:29) for you to be the king. But if you see it like a setup and a game, well then, Freud says, you must live as though your father is dead. You must depose the king. So Bill Gasiamis (54:42) Mm. Jaemin (54:42) if the king gets off the throne, if the king bows down to you, if the king goes, you your map of the world now is better than my map of the world, your way of thinking is better than my way of thinking, then there’s no challenge, there’s no resistance to overcome. So my favorite way of describing the role of the parents then is actually, It’s not to love and support and empower. They might do all that, but their central function in the hero’s journey is to confuse you about who you really are. Bill Gasiamis (55:12) Wow. Jaemin (55:13) so that the game can begin. Like everyone comes into their 20s lost and confused and the primary confuses our parents because they impose their map of the world. They have their own sense of who you are and what you ought to do. And it doesn’t suit a single person to be born into the family they’re born into. And yet here you are having to adapt and fit in to a pre-existing ecosystem with rules, values, culture, and then you’re given that name. So it’s like, You are this, this is who you are. It’s like, no, it’s just a bit of Bill Gasiamis (55:46) Wow. Jaemin (55:47) language like Jaemin Fra- I’m not Jaemin Fraser. What do you mean? Like, I was born into a family and those words were put on me. That’s not who I am. And so the confusion of growing up thinking that’s exactly who I am, this is the limit of my experience of life. And I cling to this as my whole certainty. is so wonderful because it’s the ultimate resistance to break out of, to examine the structure of that, to examine the confusion and really go back and reparent yourself and really be the one who actually knows who you’ve always been and to nurture that into the real world and then to become sovereign. And you know you’re sovereign when you become the one who’s right, even when they’re wrong. So you’ve got friends and family saying, what do you mean? It’s not. You need to be able to have a smoke. got to be able to drink. That’s what everyone does. Not in my kingdom, we don’t. In my kingdom, Bill Gasiamis (56:39) Mm. Jaemin (56:39) we don’t smoke and we don’t drink. You’re an idiot. That’s stupid. Well, I’m the king and this is my sovereignty. And if you want to come play in my world, this is how it works. And so, so many people are faced with those challenges. Then they keep pulling back from the edge because of their relational cost, hoping, wishing the world would go easier on them. But if you see it like a story in a game, it’s like, it’s a setup. It’s all a setup. So you could be the one who unconfuses yourself by having to overcome the relational resistance in your world and discover who you’ve always been. Bill Gasiamis (57:15) And we know it innately because we’ve all had that dad, mom, whomever, like I did what I had to do when I was in your house. Now this is my house. Now they this is how it applies. If you don’t Jaemin (57:26) Yeah. Yeah. Bill Gasiamis (57:27) like it, you don’t like it. Like I’ve actually thrown my dad out of my house in my twenties, when we moved out because my wife and I got married and we had kids and whatever, and they’d come over and visit to see the grandkid. You know, my dad would do the whole over helicopter grandparenting, you know. You know, the kids cold or the kids this and the kids that, you know, we lived this with this kid twenty four hours a day, seven days a week for five, six years, you know, like we knew its needs, you know, my my son’s needs. And my dad just wouldn’t have it that we what we were saying wasn’t that we were saying was correct or was okay or was fine or whatever, you know, we were it was everythi

Subscribe to get access to the full episode, the episode reading list, and all premium episodes! www.patreon.com/OrdinaryUnhappinessThe Summer of Narcissism brings Abby, Patrick, and Dan to Freud's landmark 1914 essay, “On Narcissism: An Introduction.” While the sexologists considered narcissism a niche sexual perversion occurring only among a small number of adults, Freud structuralized the concept into a broader model of universal processes of development and subject formation. Moreover, Freud argued that some kind of narcissism was necessary for any basic human capacity for self-esteem, and saw it implicated not only in comparatively rare pathological formations, but also in socially celebrated activities like parenting and falling in love. And as Abby, Patrick, and Dan explore, while much of Freud's essay hasn't stood the test of time (especially in its homophobia and misogyny), his distinction between “primary narcissism” and “secondary narcissism” remains vital and has proven foundational for subsequent theoretical and clinical thinking about personality disorders, treatability, and more.Have you noticed that Freud is back? Got questions about psychoanalysis? Or maybe you've traversed the fantasy and lived to tell the tale? Leave us a voicemail! (646) 450-0847A podcast about psychoanalysis, politics, pop culture, and the ways we suffer now. New episodes on Saturdays. Find us online:http://www.ordinaryunhappiness.comX: @UnhappinessPodInstagram: @OrdinaryUnhappinessPatreon: http://www.patreon.com/OrdinaryUnhappinessTheme song:Formal Chicken - Gnossienne No. 1https://open.spotify.com/album/2MIIYnbyLqriV3vrpUTxxOProvided by Fruits Music

POUR COMMANDER MON LIVRE :https://www.editions-larousse.fr/livre/la-philosophie-cest-pour-vous-aussi-9782036070325/POUR COMMANDER MA BANDE DESSINÉE PHILORAMA : https://www.editions-larousse.fr/livre/philorama-9782036082434/Disponible aussi dans toutes les bonnes librairies !

Sigmund Freud is probably the most famous psychoanalyst. Yet many of his theories have been critiqued or discredited. So is there anything we can still learn from the father of psychoanalysis? In today's episode Sean speaks with professor Mark Solms, author of The Only Cure: Freud and the Neuroscience of Mental Healing. Mark argues that while Freud may have been wrong about many things, he was right about one important thing: the human mind cannot be fully understood on purely biological terms. He believes that modern psychiatry has become focused on treating mental suffering like a chemical problem, instead of focusing on emotional and psychological aspects. Sean and Mark discuss the conscious versus the unconscious mind, whether psychoanalysis is the best therapy, and why Freud is still relevant today. We would love to hear from you. To tell us what you thought of this episode, email us at thegrayarea@vox.com or leave us a voicemail at 1-800-214-5749. Your comments and questions help us make a better show. And you can watch new episodes of The Gray Area on YouTube. Listen to The Gray Area ad-free by becoming a Vox Member: vox.com/members Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If you've ever wondered whether suffering can be meaningful without becoming your whole identity, this episode is for you. Vanessa explores the difference between suffering that humbles, transforms, and moves us toward greater honesty, and suffering that becomes a role, a claim, a performance, or a way to stay morally protected. Through depth psychology, meaning-making research, Viktor Frankl, Jung, terror management theory, Freud's mourning and melancholia, secondary gain, pathological altruism, and the martyr archetype, we look at why pain can become so hard to release when it has given us significance, belonging, or leverage. The question is not whether your suffering is real; the question is what it is doing.Applications are now open to the public for Cohort 4 of Inner Compass Academy. ICA is Vanessa's 10-week depth psychology training for therapists, coaches, space holders, creatives, seekers, and anyone called toward deeper work with shadow, the unconscious, embodiment, dreams, archetypes, relational patterns, and the symbolic life.Cohort 4 begins September 13. Learn more and apply here:https://www.vanessabennett.com/inner-compass-academyRESEARCH & REFERENCESCrystal Park — Meaning-Making After Stressful Life EventsResearch on meaning-making, including global and situational meaning and how people integrate stressful or traumatic experiences into broader beliefs, goals, and worldviews.https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20192563/Ronnie Janoff-Bulman — Shattered AssumptionsExplores how trauma can disrupt fundamental assumptions about ourselves, other people, safety, meaning, and the world.https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Shattered-Assumptions/Ronnie-Janoff-Bulman/9780743236256Viktor Frankl — Man's Search for Meaning & LogotherapyFrankl's work on the human search for meaning, particularly in the context of suffering.https://www.viktorfrankl.org/books_by_vf.htmlhttps://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/538699/mans-search-for-meaning-by-viktor-e-frankl/Jung — The Religious Function of the PsycheA Jungian perspective on the psyche's production of religious, symbolic, and numinous material in relation to meaning and psychological wholeness.https://jungchicago.org/the-religious-functions-of-the-psyche/James Hollis — Jungian Psychology & the “Larger Life”Hollis's work explores suffering, meaning, the ego, and the movement toward what he describes as a larger life.https://jameshollis.net/“Martyr” — Etymology & the Meaning of WitnessThe etymology of martyr, tracing its roots through Latin and Greek martyr/martys, meaning “witness.”https://www.etymonline.com/word/martyrTerror Management TheoryResearch and theory concerning mortality awareness, existential anxiety, cultural worldviews, self-worth, meaning, and symbolic immortality.https://dictionary.apa.org/terror-management-theoryhttps://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/9781118430873.est0813https://doi.org/10.4135/9781071840801.n283Secondary Gain — APA Dictionary of PsychologyA psychological concept describing benefits or advantages that may arise from symptoms beyond their primary psychological function.https://dictionary.apa.org/secondary-gainSigmund Freud — Mourning and MelancholiaFreud's distinction between mourning and melancholia, including identification with the lost object, self-reproach, and the displacement of reproach toward the object onto the self.https://ia903101.us.archive.org/29/items/FreudMourningAndMelancholia/Freud_MourningAndMelancholia_text.pdfBarbara Oakley — Pathological AltruismExplores circumstances in which altruism, empathy, or helping behavior can produce unintended harmful consequences.https://barbaraoakley.com/books/pathological-altruism/Heinz Kohut — Self Psychology & the Grandiose SelfBackground on Kohut's self psychology, including self-esteem regulation, narcissistic development, external relationships, and the grandiose self.https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/nursing-and-health-professions/self-psychologyVanessa Bennett — Codependency, Martyrdom & Relational PatternsVanessa's clinical and depth-psychology framework for understanding codependency, overgiving, resentment, moral armor, indirect communication, and martyrdom within relationships. https://www.vanessabennett.com/If you want to go deeper, check out the written companion on Substack and explore community + training at https://www.vanessaBennett.com.Additional ResourcesExplore: VanessaBennett.comBook: The Motherhood MythCommunity: Inner Compass CollectiveTraining: Inner Compass AcademyConnect with Inner CompassFollow on InstagramConnect with Vanessa Bennett:Follow on InstagramFollow on TikTokLearn more on SubstackConnect with Vanessa Bennett on LinkedInSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

5 Hours and 46 MinutesPG-13Josh Neal is a former psychology professor and author of the books "American Extremist" and "Understanding Conspiracy Theories Vol. 1"Episode 1009: Individualism, Anarchism and SociopathyEpisode 1144: 'Woke Right-Type' Accusations are Nothing New Episode 1192: Anti-Conspiracy Activist's Self-Interested Motivations Episode 1216: Freud, Sexual Abuse, and B'nai B'rithThe ArticleIntolerant InterpretationsJosh's SubstackJosh's YouTubeAmerican ExtremistUnderstanding Conspiracy Theroies Vol. 1Pete and Thomas777 'At the Movies'Support Pete on His WebsitePete's PatreonPete's SubstackPete's SubscribestarPete's GUMROADPete's VenmoPete's Buy Me a CoffeePete on FacebookPete on TwitterBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-pete-quinones-show--6071361/support.