Queerly Yours

For a lighter episode interlude, Angela and Moss play a bachelorette party/group date game using a number of "newlywed game" prompt lists from wedding websites. Some of them are silly, some of them are surprisingly sweet, and some seem specifically designed to help people steal the answers to your common password security questions. You can look at a couple of the prompt lists here and here. (There are a few subtle audio oddities in this episode - Moss managed to mess up their own audio track with overzealous auto-removal of pauses, and had to re-record short sections where the track sounded choppy.) Moss also recently guested on another podcast, Guess What You're Gonna Hate, where they talked with Janine Winfree about some of the LGBTQ+ webcomics that shaped both their teen years! You can listen at Episode 111: Wild West of Webcomics. ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet?
 Angela shares her poetry and other creative projects on her Patreon and twitter Moss writes RPGs, makes zines, and shares podcast bonuses on their Patreon, jokes about gender norms on TikTok, and talks about game design on twitter

Moss and Angela talk about how their experiences of queerness, transness, and neurodivergence intertwine to inform how they see themselves and shape what they want and need in relationships. It's not always an easy experience, but it's valuable, and has lead them towards some forms of care and affection that they wouldn't have developed otherwise. Content warning: This episode contains lengthy discussions of ableism and brief mentions of racism, relationship abuse, and the unsettling commonness of active shooters in the United States. ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet?
 Angela shares her poetry and other creative projects on her Patreon and twitter Moss writes RPGs, makes zines, and shares podcast bonuses on their Patreon, jokes about gender norms on TikTok, and talks about game design on twitter

Angela and Moss talk about gender norms! They're in media, they're embedded in cultural structures and histories, and they're definitely in our relationships. They've especially been on Moss' mind ever since they started talking about "cis core" home goods and fashion online and got flooded with responses about people's varied experiences of gender and consumerism. What does it feel like to try and notice, acknowledge, and untangle gender norms as a trans person? It's a topic that's definitely bigger than one episode can cover, but the hosts give it a try! Content warning: this episode includes some references to/discussions of institutional racism, intimate partner violence, gender dysphoria, and suicidal ideation. ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet?
 Angela shares her poetry and other creative projects on her Patreon and twitter Moss writes RPGs, makes zines, and shares podcast bonuses on their Patreon, jokes about gender norms on TikTok, and talks about game design on twitter

Moss and Angela are back from hiatus, and a lot has changed! Your hosts are the same, but Moss has a new name and is currently recovering from top surgery. The pair dive back into podcasting with reflections on that surgical care and recovery process, and what it has revealed and affirmed about their relationship. (This episode was recorded in mid-January 2021 but is being released mid-February because getting out of hiatus is hard). Content warning: this episode discusses physical and emotional elements of undergoing, recovering from, and caring for someone recovering from, surgery. The physical descriptions are not gory or detailed, but Moss does touch on topics like nipple grafts, surgical drains, anesthesia, and post-surgery constipation risks. Moss also mentions the existence of web resources that can be used to coordinate meals and/or communicate healing processes and care needs to friends and family. Two strong examples are Meal Train (focused on food coordination) and CaringBridge (a shareable online health journal). ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet?
 Angela shares her poetry and other creative projects on her Patreon and twitter Moss writes RPGs, makes zines, and shares podcast bonuses on their Patreon, jokes about gender norms on TikTok, and talks about game design on twitter

Angela and Naomi give their relationship a health checkup, using this quiz from Love Is Respect dot org. 2020 has been a hell of a year so far! Join the hosts as they do their best to ease gently and thoughtfully back into podcasting in a strange time by reflecting on how they connect with and care for each other. Content warning: the intro to this episode contains brief mentions of family death and grief, and the main episode contains non-specific mentions of transphobia from family members, references to dissociation and suicidal ideation, and descriptions of possible warning signs of assault/abuse. The hosts provide a heads up before reading the most descriptive of the quiz questions about abuse. The essay format relationship health article that Naomi mentions can be found at Scarleteen here. ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet?
 Angela shares her poetry and other creative projects on her Patreon and twitter Naomi writes RPGs, makes zines, and shares podcast bonuses on their Patreon and talks about game design on twitter

Naomi and Angela are back from hiatus, and they're ready to dig into a fairly meta topic - the pros and pitfalls that can arise when you're working on a shared creative project with one or more close partners. They reflect on the ways that they have experienced both successes and stresses in artistic collaborations, and offer thoughts on how to check in about projects that need to be reshaped, adjusted, or scrapped to better support the actual needs and desires of the collaborators. This episode was recorded in November 2019 and edited in February 2020, because sometimes creative work has to land on the back burner due to life, but the hosts are glad to be bringing Queerly Yours back to you and your earbuds! If you'd like to check out articles and projects mentioned in this episode, links are below. Captain Awkward's advice on how to deal with commitment/focus mismatches with a creative project partner is here. The Business Card Jam, which was still running when this episode was recorded, ended up having over 80 entries, which you can explore here! The Welcome to the Party Discord server community has been a wonderful source of episode topic inspiration, and you can learn about the many excellent RPG streams run by WTTP here. ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet?
 Angela shares her poetry and other creative projects on her Patreon and twitter Naomi writes RPGs, makes zines, and shares podcast bonuses on their Patreon and talks about game design on twitter

Angela and Naomi talk with Elizabeth Nordenholt, co-host of the podcasts Your Fave is Problematic and FMK All Day, about her personal journey around queerness and polyamory. The three dig into topics like purity culture, helpful books on polyamory, friend and family responses to non-normative relationships, and assumptions about dating and romance you might not realize you have until you try to change the format of a partnership. We talk about a number of books in this episode! If you'd like to check them out, links are below. The All-Or-Nothing Marriage: find the book here, or an interview with the author on the Hidden Brain podcast here. Love’s Not Colorblind: find the book here, or an interview with the author on the Multiamory podcast here. Many Love memoir: find the book here. ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet?
 Angela shares her poetry and other creative projects on her Patreon and twitter Naomi writes RPGs, makes zines, and shares podcast bonuses on their Patreon and talks about game design on twitter

Naomi and Angela answer a listener question about how to balance dating with other major life commitments like work and school. What do you do when you want to make new connections with people but the process feels time consuming or overwhelming? The hosts discuss multi-purpose ways to socialize, the general exhaustion of life under capitalism, and why folks who worry about their dating inexperience might already have more relevant social skills than they realize. ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet?
 Angela shares her poetry and other creative projects on her Patreon and twitter Naomi writes RPGs, makes zines, and shares podcast bonuses on their Patreon and talks about game design on twitter

Angela and Naomi discuss what bisexuality means to them personally as well as the ways that the term operates socially and culturally in their broader communities. They dig into bisexual stereotypes, terminology overlap, and how there’s no required timeline for developing an understanding of your sexuality or gender because compulsory heterosexuality is a huge mess for all of us. For a nice overview of some bisexual activist history in the U.S. along with links to other resources, check out this article on Autostraddle. For an analysis of the dangers that come with assuming that gender or sexuality are strictly categorizable and clearly identifiable concepts, read Os Keyes’ essay on data violence, Counting the Countless. The RPG about romancing cryptids that Naomi mentions is called i kissed mothman behind the arby’s. ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet?
 Angela shares her poetry and other creative projects on her Patreon and twitter Naomi writes RPGs, makes zines, and shares podcast bonuses on their Patreon and talks about game design on twitter

Naomi and Angela talk about Pride, exploring what it means to them and how it culturally operates as a protest, a parade, a philosophy, and more. Angela talks about how race and disability can affect experiences of and connections to Pride events. Naomi shares what they make sure to carry when attending big outdoor festivals, and suggests ways for allies/accomplices to show up for LGBTQ+ folks this month and every month. (Two things the hosts definitely agree on are that cops shouldn't be at Pride, and that you should buy a trans person a pizza.) ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet?
 Angela shares her poetry and other creative projects on her Patreon and twitter Naomi writes RPGs, makes zines, and shares podcast bonuses on their Patreon and talks about game design on twitter

Angela and Naomi talk about how to access therapy if you're not sure what it would be like/if it's the right choice for you. They share perspectives on how therapy has helped them personally and within relationships, and note some red and green flags to look for when deciding if a therapist is a good match for your needs as a client. Naomi has also compiled some links as jumping off points for exploring the possibilities of therapy. Captain Awkward offers multiple resources, and Psychology Today has a Find a Therapist search tool built into their homepage that can sort by a number of factors including location, insurance, and therapeutic specialty. Queerly Yours has a website and a twitter now! You can also submit questions or topic suggestions to the new Queerly Yours email address, . Content warning: this episode contains brief, non-detailed references to eating disorders, assault/abuse, and suicidal feelings. ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet?
 Angela shares her poetry and other creative projects on her Patreon and twitter Naomi writes RPGs, makes zines, and shares podcast bonuses on their Patreon and talks about game design on twitter

Naomi and Angela are moving in together soon! To celebrate, they reflect on past shared living experiences (with each other and others) and discuss the key themes they've found helpful for fostering comfortable, communicative roommate dynamics. Naomi recommends a couple of roommate resources during this episode: Captain Awkward's vast and varied archive of roommate-related advice, and the charming comic book Poorcraft, which has a section on housing as well as many other topics related to living on limited means. ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet?
 Angela shares her poetry and other creative projects on her Patreon and twitter Naomi writes RPGs, makes zines, and shares podcast bonuses on their Patreon and talks about game design on twitter

Angela and Naomi break from their standard format for a previously hinted at special episode, and play a two-person tabletop roleplaying game about communication and intimacy (and also giant robots). Listen in for some silliness, some tenderness, some deep space machine repair, Naomi’s first foray into sci-fi audio editing, and Angela sneaking in a meme-based prank. If you’d like to learn more about the #sadmechjam, you can check out all the entries and read about the project here. To download Naomi’s original RPG Salvage What We Can Together, the game played on this episode, visit the game page here. ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet?
 Angela writes poetry at www.patreon.com/philosofemme and twitter.com/Phoenix24Femme
 Naomi writes RPGs, makes zines, and shares podcast bonuses at www.patreon.com/adanarama and talks about game design at twitter.com/adanarama

Naomi and Angela talk about some of their hobbies, both ones they share and ones they enjoy separately, and offer strategies for supporting your partner's hobbies while also being honest about your own level of interest (or lack thereof) in the things they enjoy. The hosts also discuss the concept of the "man cave" in more analytic depth than it probably deserves. ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet? Angela writes poetry at www.patreon.com/philosofemme and twitter.com/Phoenix24Femme Naomi writes RPGs, makes zines, and shares podcast bonuses at www.patreon.com/adanarama and talks about game design at twitter.com/adanarama

Angela and Naomi talk about what polyamory means to them, common assumptions and misconceptions around the concept, and pitfalls to avoid when exploring a relationship format that is new to you. You can find Angela's article on polyamory on the Art for Ourselves website here. ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet? Angela writes poetry at www.patreon.com/philosofemme and twitter.com/Phoenix24Femme Naomi writes RPGs, makes zines, and shares podcast bonuses at www.patreon.com/adanarama and talks about game design at twitter.com/adanarama

Naomi and Angela answer a listener prompt about how to handle mistakes, failures, and forgiveness in relationships. Listen in to hear about owning up to mistakes, some of the ingredients of a good apology, cases when apologies aren't the solution, and ways to reflect on controlling impulses in oneself and in others. Content warning: this episode contains some discussion of dynamics of abuse and control in intimate relationships. If you like the show, please consider leaving us a rating and review on iTunes! You can find the link for that here. ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet? Angela writes poetry at www.patreon.com/philosofemme and twitter.com/Phoenix24Femme Naomi writes RPGs, makes zines, and shares podcast bonuses at www.patreon.com/adanarama and talks about game design at twitter.com/adanarama

In a special episode format, hosts Angela and Naomi posed a question to the Internet - what relationship advice do you wish you could give your teenage self? Join them as they sort through and reflect on a range of sweet, tender, funny, and intense answers that all of us can learn from. Content warning: this episode contains brief discussion of abusive relationships. This episode also has a few audio glitches that couldn't be easily caught via editing without also cutting out a lot of wonderful quotes and conversation, so expect occasional short sections of audio with faint background fuzz, clicks, or thunks, and thank you for bearing with us! ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet? Angela writes poetry at www.patreon.com/philosofemme and twitter.com/Phoenix24Femme Naomi writes RPGs, makes zines, and shares podcast bonuses at www.patreon.com/adanarama and talks about game design at twitter.com/adanarama

Join Naomi and Angela for a Valentine's Day special about sidestepping social norms, connecting genuinely with those you love, and figuring out what romance really means to you and your partner(s). If you're not sure how to talk about the ways that cultural expectations around Valentine's Day gifts, intimacy, and affection affect your relationship(s), this is a great episode for you. If you're not sure how you feel about romantic gestures or holidays in general, this is a great episode for you. If you are hyped about romance and want to dig deeper into what it means to you and others, this is also a great episode for you! Basically what we're saying is that it's a great episode for this, or any, season. You can find the free, nontraditional e-valentines that Naomi mentions on Scarleteen's website right here. ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet? Angela writes poetry at www.patreon.com/philosofemme and twitter.com/Phoenix24Femme Naomi writes RPGs, makes zines, and shares podcast bonuses at www.patreon.com/adanarama and talks about game design at twitter.com/adanarama

If you've ever been unsure of how to describe or summarize the Queerly Yours podcast when sharing it with others, this channel trailer is the solution! Learn a little bit about what make this show special, then check out any of our full, ad-free episodes on your favorite podcatcher. ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet? Angela writes poetry at www.patreon.com/philosofemme and twitter.com/Phoenix24Femme Naomi writes RPGs, makes zines, and shares podcast bonuses at www.patreon.com/adanarama and talks about game design at twitter.com/adanarama

Angela and Naomi both love tabletop roleplaying games (RPGs)! In fact, they love them so much that they decided to make a whole episode about how relationship dynamics can operate in games, and how their philosophies around games and relationships interconnect and inform each other. The hosts journey into topics like game group dynamics, consent in nonsexual social situations, the role(s) of RPGs in queer and trans community building, and games as relationship metaphors. @LammaticHama's tweet about game design that Naomi mentions can be found here. ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet? Angela writes poetry at www.patreon.com/philosofemme and twitter.com/Phoenix24Femme Naomi writes RPGs, makes zines, and shares podcast bonuses at www.patreon.com/adanarama and talks about game design at twitter.com/adanarama

Naomi and Angela approach another listener question - what are some of the challenges and joys that can occur when one or more people in a relationship develop a new understanding of their gender? The hosts share their own experiences, as well as tips on how to be a thoughtful partner to someone gender questioning and/or kind to yourself around your own gender journey. Content warning: this episode contains brief mentions of sexual assault and gender dysphoria. Naomi will be attending PodCon in Seattle on January 19-20, 2019, and is bringing newly designed Queerly Yours stickers! Message them if you'll also be there and would like to say hello. ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet? Angela writes poetry at www.patreon.com/philosofemme and twitter.com/Phoenix24Femme Naomi writes RPGs, makes zines, and shares podcast bonuses at www.patreon.com/adanarama and talks about game design at twitter.com/adanarama

Angela and Naomi ring in the New Year by sharing some personal experiences and advice related to mental health and relationships. Buckle up for a thoughtful journey through tough and tender topics. Content warning: this episode contains brief mentions of PTSD and sexual assault, and some discussion of disordered eating, medical crises, and suicidal ideation. ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet? Angela writes poetry at www.patreon.com/philosofemme and twitter.com/Phoenix24Femme Naomi talks about game design at twitter.com/adanarama

Naomi and Angela dig into the ups and downs of long distance dating, sharing how they navigate the stresses and pitfalls of living apart and appreciate the opportunities for growth it can bring. ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet? Angela writes poetry at www.patreon.com/philosofemme and twitter.com/Phoenix24Femme Naomi talks about game design at twitter.com/adanarama

Welcome to Trans Dating 201! The hosts don't pause for 101-level term definitions, and cisgender people are an auxiliary audience, though still a welcome one. Angela and Naomi dig into what it's like to be in relationships as, and with, trans people, and how to manage connections with family and friends who have varying levels of experience and emotional competence in addressing trans topics. This is the first Queerly Yours episode based on an audience question, though "conceptually broad audience-suggested theme" might be more appropriate. Whatever it is, Naomi takes three solid minutes to articulate it at the beginning of the episode. ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet? Angela writes poetry at www.patreon.com/philosofemme Naomi talks about game design at twitter.com/adanarama

Winter is upon us, and with it comes a multi-directional wave of norms and assumptions around how to best spend the holidays. Angela and Naomi talk about how to physically and emotionally navigate holiday interactions with family in ways that support the relationships you want to nurture and hold firm boundaries where they are needed. Resources mentioned in this episode include both Captain Awkward's and Daniel Mallory Ortberg's writings on families and holidays. ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet? Angela writes poetry at www.patreon.com/philosofemme Naomi talks about game design at twitter.com/adanarama

Angela is Latina. Naomi is white. Both are queer, trans, and low income, but in varied and personal ways. The hosts discuss how they talk about race as an interracial couple, and how the topic interacts with other facets of their lives. ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet? Angela writes poetry at https://www.patreon.com/philosofemme Naomi talks about game design at https://twitter.com/adanarama

What does it mean to be an emotionally supportive partner? How do you use your own knowledge and experiences to take care of those close to you without letting your assumptions get in the way? Naomi and Angela discuss what emotional support looks and feels like in their relationships. ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet? Angela writes poetry at https://www.patreon.com/philosofemme Naomi talks about game design at https://twitter.com/adanarama

In the very first episode of Queerly Yours, hosts and partners Angela and Naomi share the story of how they met. ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet? Angela writes poetry at https://www.patreon.com/philosofemme Naomi talks about game design at https://twitter.com/adanarama