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Angela and Naomi give their relationship a health checkup, using this quiz from Love Is Respect dot org. 2020 has been a hell of a year so far! Join the hosts as they do their best to ease gently and thoughtfully back into podcasting in a strange time by reflecting on how they connect with and care for each other. Content warning: the intro to this episode contains brief mentions of family death and grief, and the main episode contains non-specific mentions of transphobia from family members, references to dissociation and suicidal ideation, and descriptions of possible warning signs of assault/abuse. The hosts provide a heads up before reading the most descriptive of the quiz questions about abuse. The essay format relationship health article that Naomi mentions can be found at Scarleteen here. ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet? Angela shares her poetry and other creative projects on her Patreon and twitter Naomi writes RPGs, makes zines, and shares podcast bonuses on their Patreon and talks about game design on twitter
Naomi and Angela are back from hiatus, and they're ready to dig into a fairly meta topic - the pros and pitfalls that can arise when you're working on a shared creative project with one or more close partners. They reflect on the ways that they have experienced both successes and stresses in artistic collaborations, and offer thoughts on how to check in about projects that need to be reshaped, adjusted, or scrapped to better support the actual needs and desires of the collaborators. This episode was recorded in November 2019 and edited in February 2020, because sometimes creative work has to land on the back burner due to life, but the hosts are glad to be bringing Queerly Yours back to you and your earbuds! If you'd like to check out articles and projects mentioned in this episode, links are below. Captain Awkward's advice on how to deal with commitment/focus mismatches with a creative project partner is here. The Business Card Jam, which was still running when this episode was recorded, ended up having over 80 entries, which you can explore here! The Welcome to the Party Discord server community has been a wonderful source of episode topic inspiration, and you can learn about the many excellent RPG streams run by WTTP here. ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet? Angela shares her poetry and other creative projects on her Patreon and twitter Naomi writes RPGs, makes zines, and shares podcast bonuses on their Patreon and talks about game design on twitter
Angela and Naomi talk with Elizabeth Nordenholt, co-host of the podcasts Your Fave is Problematic and FMK All Day, about her personal journey around queerness and polyamory. The three dig into topics like purity culture, helpful books on polyamory, friend and family responses to non-normative relationships, and assumptions about dating and romance you might not realize you have until you try to change the format of a partnership. We talk about a number of books in this episode! If you'd like to check them out, links are below. The All-Or-Nothing Marriage: find the book here, or an interview with the author on the Hidden Brain podcast here. Love’s Not Colorblind: find the book here, or an interview with the author on the Multiamory podcast here. Many Love memoir: find the book here. ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet? Angela shares her poetry and other creative projects on her Patreon and twitter Naomi writes RPGs, makes zines, and shares podcast bonuses on their Patreon and talks about game design on twitter
Naomi and Angela answer a listener question about how to balance dating with other major life commitments like work and school. What do you do when you want to make new connections with people but the process feels time consuming or overwhelming? The hosts discuss multi-purpose ways to socialize, the general exhaustion of life under capitalism, and why folks who worry about their dating inexperience might already have more relevant social skills than they realize. ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet? Angela shares her poetry and other creative projects on her Patreon and twitter Naomi writes RPGs, makes zines, and shares podcast bonuses on their Patreon and talks about game design on twitter
Angela and Naomi discuss what bisexuality means to them personally as well as the ways that the term operates socially and culturally in their broader communities. They dig into bisexual stereotypes, terminology overlap, and how there’s no required timeline for developing an understanding of your sexuality or gender because compulsory heterosexuality is a huge mess for all of us. For a nice overview of some bisexual activist history in the U.S. along with links to other resources, check out this article on Autostraddle. For an analysis of the dangers that come with assuming that gender or sexuality are strictly categorizable and clearly identifiable concepts, read Os Keyes’ essay on data violence, Counting the Countless. The RPG about romancing cryptids that Naomi mentions is called i kissed mothman behind the arby’s. ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet? Angela shares her poetry and other creative projects on her Patreon and twitter Naomi writes RPGs, makes zines, and shares podcast bonuses on their Patreon and talks about game design on twitter
Naomi and Angela talk about Pride, exploring what it means to them and how it culturally operates as a protest, a parade, a philosophy, and more. Angela talks about how race and disability can affect experiences of and connections to Pride events. Naomi shares what they make sure to carry when attending big outdoor festivals, and suggests ways for allies/accomplices to show up for LGBTQ+ folks this month and every month. (Two things the hosts definitely agree on are that cops shouldn't be at Pride, and that you should buy a trans person a pizza.) ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet? Angela shares her poetry and other creative projects on her Patreon and twitter Naomi writes RPGs, makes zines, and shares podcast bonuses on their Patreon and talks about game design on twitter
Angela and Naomi talk about how to access therapy if you're not sure what it would be like/if it's the right choice for you. They share perspectives on how therapy has helped them personally and within relationships, and note some red and green flags to look for when deciding if a therapist is a good match for your needs as a client. Naomi has also compiled some links as jumping off points for exploring the possibilities of therapy. Captain Awkward offers multiple resources, and Psychology Today has a Find a Therapist search tool built into their homepage that can sort by a number of factors including location, insurance, and therapeutic specialty. Queerly Yours has a website and a twitter now! You can also submit questions or topic suggestions to the new Queerly Yours email address, . Content warning: this episode contains brief, non-detailed references to eating disorders, assault/abuse, and suicidal feelings. ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet? Angela shares her poetry and other creative projects on her Patreon and twitter Naomi writes RPGs, makes zines, and shares podcast bonuses on their Patreon and talks about game design on twitter
Naomi and Angela are moving in together soon! To celebrate, they reflect on past shared living experiences (with each other and others) and discuss the key themes they've found helpful for fostering comfortable, communicative roommate dynamics. Naomi recommends a couple of roommate resources during this episode: Captain Awkward's vast and varied archive of roommate-related advice, and the charming comic book Poorcraft, which has a section on housing as well as many other topics related to living on limited means. ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet? Angela shares her poetry and other creative projects on her Patreon and twitter Naomi writes RPGs, makes zines, and shares podcast bonuses on their Patreon and talks about game design on twitter
Angela and Naomi break from their standard format for a previously hinted at special episode, and play a two-person tabletop roleplaying game about communication and intimacy (and also giant robots). Listen in for some silliness, some tenderness, some deep space machine repair, Naomi’s first foray into sci-fi audio editing, and Angela sneaking in a meme-based prank. If you’d like to learn more about the #sadmechjam, you can check out all the entries and read about the project here. To download Naomi’s original RPG Salvage What We Can Together, the game played on this episode, visit the game page here. ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet? Angela writes poetry at www.patreon.com/philosofemme and twitter.com/Phoenix24Femme Naomi writes RPGs, makes zines, and shares podcast bonuses at www.patreon.com/adanarama and talks about game design at twitter.com/adanarama
Naomi and Angela talk about some of their hobbies, both ones they share and ones they enjoy separately, and offer strategies for supporting your partner's hobbies while also being honest about your own level of interest (or lack thereof) in the things they enjoy. The hosts also discuss the concept of the "man cave" in more analytic depth than it probably deserves. ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet? Angela writes poetry at www.patreon.com/philosofemme and twitter.com/Phoenix24Femme Naomi writes RPGs, makes zines, and shares podcast bonuses at www.patreon.com/adanarama and talks about game design at twitter.com/adanarama
Angela and Naomi talk about what polyamory means to them, common assumptions and misconceptions around the concept, and pitfalls to avoid when exploring a relationship format that is new to you. You can find Angela's article on polyamory on the Art for Ourselves website here. ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet? Angela writes poetry at www.patreon.com/philosofemme and twitter.com/Phoenix24Femme Naomi writes RPGs, makes zines, and shares podcast bonuses at www.patreon.com/adanarama and talks about game design at twitter.com/adanarama
Naomi and Angela answer a listener prompt about how to handle mistakes, failures, and forgiveness in relationships. Listen in to hear about owning up to mistakes, some of the ingredients of a good apology, cases when apologies aren't the solution, and ways to reflect on controlling impulses in oneself and in others. Content warning: this episode contains some discussion of dynamics of abuse and control in intimate relationships. If you like the show, please consider leaving us a rating and review on iTunes! You can find the link for that here. ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet? Angela writes poetry at www.patreon.com/philosofemme and twitter.com/Phoenix24Femme Naomi writes RPGs, makes zines, and shares podcast bonuses at www.patreon.com/adanarama and talks about game design at twitter.com/adanarama
In a special episode format, hosts Angela and Naomi posed a question to the Internet - what relationship advice do you wish you could give your teenage self? Join them as they sort through and reflect on a range of sweet, tender, funny, and intense answers that all of us can learn from. Content warning: this episode contains brief discussion of abusive relationships. This episode also has a few audio glitches that couldn't be easily caught via editing without also cutting out a lot of wonderful quotes and conversation, so expect occasional short sections of audio with faint background fuzz, clicks, or thunks, and thank you for bearing with us! ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet? Angela writes poetry at www.patreon.com/philosofemme and twitter.com/Phoenix24Femme Naomi writes RPGs, makes zines, and shares podcast bonuses at www.patreon.com/adanarama and talks about game design at twitter.com/adanarama
Join Naomi and Angela for a Valentine's Day special about sidestepping social norms, connecting genuinely with those you love, and figuring out what romance really means to you and your partner(s). If you're not sure how to talk about the ways that cultural expectations around Valentine's Day gifts, intimacy, and affection affect your relationship(s), this is a great episode for you. If you're not sure how you feel about romantic gestures or holidays in general, this is a great episode for you. If you are hyped about romance and want to dig deeper into what it means to you and others, this is also a great episode for you! Basically what we're saying is that it's a great episode for this, or any, season. You can find the free, nontraditional e-valentines that Naomi mentions on Scarleteen's website right here. ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet? Angela writes poetry at www.patreon.com/philosofemme and twitter.com/Phoenix24Femme Naomi writes RPGs, makes zines, and shares podcast bonuses at www.patreon.com/adanarama and talks about game design at twitter.com/adanarama
If you've ever been unsure of how to describe or summarize the Queerly Yours podcast when sharing it with others, this channel trailer is the solution! Learn a little bit about what make this show special, then check out any of our full, ad-free episodes on your favorite podcatcher. ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet? Angela writes poetry at www.patreon.com/philosofemme and twitter.com/Phoenix24Femme Naomi writes RPGs, makes zines, and shares podcast bonuses at www.patreon.com/adanarama and talks about game design at twitter.com/adanarama
Angela and Naomi both love tabletop roleplaying games (RPGs)! In fact, they love them so much that they decided to make a whole episode about how relationship dynamics can operate in games, and how their philosophies around games and relationships interconnect and inform each other. The hosts journey into topics like game group dynamics, consent in nonsexual social situations, the role(s) of RPGs in queer and trans community building, and games as relationship metaphors. @LammaticHama's tweet about game design that Naomi mentions can be found here. ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet? Angela writes poetry at www.patreon.com/philosofemme and twitter.com/Phoenix24Femme Naomi writes RPGs, makes zines, and shares podcast bonuses at www.patreon.com/adanarama and talks about game design at twitter.com/adanarama
Naomi and Angela approach another listener question - what are some of the challenges and joys that can occur when one or more people in a relationship develop a new understanding of their gender? The hosts share their own experiences, as well as tips on how to be a thoughtful partner to someone gender questioning and/or kind to yourself around your own gender journey. Content warning: this episode contains brief mentions of sexual assault and gender dysphoria. Naomi will be attending PodCon in Seattle on January 19-20, 2019, and is bringing newly designed Queerly Yours stickers! Message them if you'll also be there and would like to say hello. ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet? Angela writes poetry at www.patreon.com/philosofemme and twitter.com/Phoenix24Femme Naomi writes RPGs, makes zines, and shares podcast bonuses at www.patreon.com/adanarama and talks about game design at twitter.com/adanarama
Angela and Naomi ring in the New Year by sharing some personal experiences and advice related to mental health and relationships. Buckle up for a thoughtful journey through tough and tender topics. Content warning: this episode contains brief mentions of PTSD and sexual assault, and some discussion of disordered eating, medical crises, and suicidal ideation. ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet? Angela writes poetry at www.patreon.com/philosofemme and twitter.com/Phoenix24Femme Naomi talks about game design at twitter.com/adanarama
Naomi and Angela dig into the ups and downs of long distance dating, sharing how they navigate the stresses and pitfalls of living apart and appreciate the opportunities for growth it can bring. ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet? Angela writes poetry at www.patreon.com/philosofemme and twitter.com/Phoenix24Femme Naomi talks about game design at twitter.com/adanarama
Obwohl ich versuche, im Netz so viel wie möglich von mir selbst zu zeigen und zu erzählen, obwohl ich versuche so authentisch wie möglich zu sein, ist die Internet-Angela lange nicht die, die hier gerade an ihrem Küchentisch sitzt, Kaffee trinkt und diese Zeilen schreibt. Und das ist auch okay so. Es gibt noch immer wahnsinnig viele Dinge auf meiner Liste, die ich gerne öffentlich ansprechen würde, weil ich sie für wichtig empfinde – nicht nur für mich, sondern auch für euch – aber manches braucht eben Zeit, ebenso wie diese Geschichte. 5 Jahre ist sie nun her, und mittlerweile so verjährt, so ad acta gelegt, dass ich das staubige Buch hervorholen und darin lesen kann, ohne, dass es weh tut. Den Kopf schüttle ich immer noch, aber eher so, als würde ich gerade eine schlechte Soap gucken.Hier ist also die Geschichte von "Karl". Einen Mann, in den ich mich 2014 Hals über Kopf verliebte. Ein Mann mit großartigem Auftreten, viel Witz und Ehrgeiz. Jemand, der großartige Geschichten erzählen konnte und Stets im Mittelpunkt stand. Ein Mann, der eine unfassbare Macht über mich hatte, ohne, dass ich es bemerkte. Und: Der beste Lügner, den ich je kennenlernen durfte. Ich liebe meinen Blog dafür, dass ich selbst in Erinnerungen kramen kann. Dass ich immer geschrieben habe und mir dadurch Erinnerungen an Gefühle erhalten bleiben. Diejenigen von euch, die mir schon länger folgen, kennen diese Posts hier ebenfalls – aber vielleicht machen sie jetzt ein bisschen mehr Sinn, nachdem ihr die ganze Geschichte kennt:"The absence is only physical" - ein Post über das Vermissen zur damaligen Zeit. ÜBER Zeilen wie "Jede Minute die vergeht kommt das Auto näher, irgendwo. Ich warte und warte und warte", muss ich wieder den Kopf schütteln – denn so weit weg war er ja gar nie. ;D"Walk of shame" – der Post, den ich vorlas. Hier ist auch ein Foto von der Wand unter der Unterführung."Solist" – diesen Post schrieb ich als Kurzgeschichte, inspiriert von meiner Geschichte, aus der Sicht der 3. Person. Er behandelt viel den Umstand, wie oft ich auf's Handy starrte und auf Antworten wartete. Ich habe die Geschichte damals bewusst aus der 3. Person geschrieben und die beiden Protagonisten so dargestellt, als wäre es keine Fernbeziehung. Es geht quasi darum, warum ich damals beschlossen habe, die Beziehung zu beenden (natürlich noch völlig Unwissend darüber, was eigentlich passiert war)."One year ago" – Einige Monate später, nachdem ich die Beziehung beendet hatte und es mir besser ging, schrieb ich über unser kennenlernen. Diesen Post schrieb ich ebenfalls noch unwissend."Ich sprach von Erinnerungen" – diesen Post schrieb ich kurz nachdem ich alles erfahren hatte. Diese Zeilen hier beschreiebn es besonders gut: "Auf jeder Karte dieses Kartenhauses steht eine dicke fette Lüge, und das Haus ist verdammt hoch gebaut. Wie beim Mikado ziehe ich Stunde für Stunde eine weitere hervor und kann nicht fassen, was darauf zu lesen ist. Jede Erinnerung, die ich als unersetzlich abgespeichert hatte formt sich zu einer ekelhafen Fratze und lacht mich aus, weil ich blind vor Liebe wie ein scheiss Maulwurf unter der Erde gewandert bin. Nichts davon ist mehr irgendetwas wert. Ehrliche Momente, die mir das Herz erwärmten waren nicht ehrlich. Von der ersten Sekunde an war nichts davon ehrlich. Und natürlich habe ich es geglaubt, als mir die Welt versprochen wurde, weil ich dich nur so kennengelernt habe. Das allererste was du je zu mir gesagt hast war eine Lüge, und weil ich dir damals glaubte stellte ich nie auch nur eines deiner wunderschön verpackten Worte in Frage. „Ich bin für ihn durch die Hölle gegangen“, lese ich.„Ich auch“, antworte ich.""
Welcome to Trans Dating 201! The hosts don't pause for 101-level term definitions, and cisgender people are an auxiliary audience, though still a welcome one. Angela and Naomi dig into what it's like to be in relationships as, and with, trans people, and how to manage connections with family and friends who have varying levels of experience and emotional competence in addressing trans topics. This is the first Queerly Yours episode based on an audience question, though "conceptually broad audience-suggested theme" might be more appropriate. Whatever it is, Naomi takes three solid minutes to articulate it at the beginning of the episode. ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet? Angela writes poetry at www.patreon.com/philosofemme Naomi talks about game design at twitter.com/adanarama
Winter is upon us, and with it comes a multi-directional wave of norms and assumptions around how to best spend the holidays. Angela and Naomi talk about how to physically and emotionally navigate holiday interactions with family in ways that support the relationships you want to nurture and hold firm boundaries where they are needed. Resources mentioned in this episode include both Captain Awkward's and Daniel Mallory Ortberg's writings on families and holidays. ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet? Angela writes poetry at www.patreon.com/philosofemme Naomi talks about game design at twitter.com/adanarama
Angela is Latina. Naomi is white. Both are queer, trans, and low income, but in varied and personal ways. The hosts discuss how they talk about race as an interracial couple, and how the topic interacts with other facets of their lives. ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet? Angela writes poetry at https://www.patreon.com/philosofemme Naomi talks about game design at https://twitter.com/adanarama
What does it mean to be an emotionally supportive partner? How do you use your own knowledge and experiences to take care of those close to you without letting your assumptions get in the way? Naomi and Angela discuss what emotional support looks and feels like in their relationships. ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet? Angela writes poetry at https://www.patreon.com/philosofemme Naomi talks about game design at https://twitter.com/adanarama
In the very first episode of Queerly Yours, hosts and partners Angela and Naomi share the story of how they met. ___ Want to follow the hosts elsewhere on the Internet? Angela writes poetry at https://www.patreon.com/philosofemme Naomi talks about game design at https://twitter.com/adanarama