Just Pick One

It's time for Matt Jame's finale! Matt has a crisis of faith, Rachel answers for her social media sins and we finally find out who has won the Golden Rose! Check out our final score on Facebook and Instagram. 

It's the most uneventful Fantasy Suite week in the history of the show! (Or at least the few seasons Jared and Jackson have seen.) Matt has a heart-to-heart with dad, and Bri makes a graceful exit. Check out our updated scoreboard on Facebook and Instagram!

This week, Matt gets Zoom-grilled by a bunch of children and then is visibly shaken after what could possibly be his first rejection by a woman. Plus: Jared, Jackson and Saint give you a virtual hometowns of our own! (Spoiler alert: it involves making out under Burmese umbrellas.) Check out our updated scoreboard on Facebook and Instagram!

This week, the gals tear Heather to pieces, Kit racks up big points for Jared before bouncing, and a tone-deaf Chris Harrison himself will hit the bricks. Jackson is still in the lead, but will Saint and Jared catch up? Check out our updated scoreboard on Facebook and Instagram!

This week, a wild influencer appears! Also, Piper has a meltdown and MJ hits the bricks, but it's ok because Tyler C shows up and comes in clutch. Check out our updated scoreboard on Facebook and Instagram.

Victoria goes to the guillotine, Anna gets a one-way SUV ride, and MJ is left in the hot seat. It's a mean girl purge, but a win for Rachel, Kit and Matt's purple velvet tux. Check us out on Instagram and Facebook to see the points categories and updated score board!

There's been a military coup in Myanmar, where Jackson and Saint live. They are fine, but the internet cuts in and out, and things are generally unstable, so the episode will be delayed until Monday. In the meantime, read up on the situation here. Saint is a Myanmar citizen, so this is a very distressing time for her, but also for the cause of freedom and human rights around the world.

Five new challengers arrive and the knives come out. Anna comes out swinging with nasty rumors, scoring big points for Jackson. There are also squirrel suits. Check us out on Instagram and Facebook to see the points categories and updated score board!

Our own favorite gal Sarah does not like other women writing smut about on her crush. Understandable, but them's the breaks, and she hits the bricks. Also: Did anyone know about Chris Harrison's book??

We've picked our teams, and now they battle — literally, on a group date with paint and wedding dresses. Victoria scores big points for team Jackson by throwing shade everywhere, and Jared think's she's slowly turning to the Dark Side.

Everything is about to change! After two years, Jared and Jackson are clueless newcomers no more. But can their fan skills finally beat Saint, their Bachelor sensei? In our new format, we draft teams of contestants. As they battle for Matt James, we battle for the Golden Rose!

Sorry for the lateness! Jared had some travel and a small medical crisis (he's fine). But now it's up! In the two part finale recap, Zack gets a villa, Ivan get's a single-wide, Riley gets Ol' Yeller-ed and Tayshia gets a husband-to-be.

It's hometowns! Blake and his boner go home, dry-eyed Ben hits the bricks, and Ivan's brother lays down some serious wisdom.

Bennett hits the bricks, the men tell all (under extreme duress), and Bennett comes back to prove he definitely isn't a serial killer at all.

Tayshia and Zack C take awkward wedding photos, Eazy is sent packing, and Bennett gives Noah some well-meaning gifts out of nothing but a Harvardly desire to educate.

In week 4 of Tayshia, Bennett raps badly and Jared gives a rambling conspiracy theory about how Noah was sent by The Powers that Be to stir up drama.

In Tayshia's second week, Bennet is a grown ass man, Ed throws shade on the whole world, and Noah's 'stache is gone, but not forgotten.

It's the first week of Tayshia and the first round of our Fantasy Bachelor challenege. Jared picks up big points when Riley throws shade at Spencer, but we all lament not drafting Brendan, who emerges as a beautiful horseback riding butterfly.

Boy meets girl, boy goes on one date, boy is given a ring and told he's getting married. It's the love story of the century for Clare! Also: Tayshia finally arrives, which means it's time for a new Fantasy Bachelor Draft Pick!

Joseph has a meltdown and hits the bricks, and Clare has eyes only for Dale, who gets roasted by Clark Kent, who has a jaw like a toaster. (Just sayin')

The new episode has been delayed because Hurricane Zeta knocked out Jared's power for several days. (He's in New Orleans now.) New one up soon, but in the meantime check out our spooky Chris Harrison-O-lantern on the Instagram!

Week two of the Clare saga has the grumpies game of strip dodgeball ever played. Plus Young Thanos breaks the rules and Hallmark Movie Side Character battles his demons in the boringest date ever. 

It's the calm before the drama storm, if the rumors can be believed. Jared has a man crush on a salmon suit, and Not-Tyler C, Bruce Wayne, and Rose-Chest-Tattoo-Guy spend a week in quarantine just to hit the bricks on night one. 

In a very special finale episode, we speak with on-stage percussionist Ryan Vaughn of the Final Rose Band! 

The shag bus heads to Vegas! Crazy Eyes gets lucky in a haunted hotel and Harry Potter loses his magic

This week, Aquaman hits the bricks, Julia wins out with Jack Bauer, but the whole thing is derailed by an "earmuffs situash"

The game has begun! Only the couples with the highest chance of becoming a love triangle advance to the next round. 

In week two at the mansion, everyone want's a piece of Jack Bauer, and Trevor is outed as an emotional cheater, emotional cheater, emotional pumpkin eater. 

It's time for Listen to Your Heart, a.k.a the one you watched because you were in quarantine! Cast including Jason Momoa, Jed 2.0 and a guy who thinks your lips are amazing. 

Shade-throwing, thy name is Barb. Madison's would-be mother-in-law would like to speak to a manager. 

It's Fantasy Suites, the week we've all been waiting for...and the week Pilot Pete has been keeping Victoria F around for...

Jared didn't record with a pop filter and it shows--sorry about that! Anyway, this one has interrogative dads and more weeping from Victoria F (a.k.a Mantis).

Tammy goes out swinging and Victoria F and Pete bond over some Peruvian shaman candles. 

We draft girls for Fantasy Bachelor as a new villain emerges. 

Sparks fly over a bottle of bubbly as Champagne Girl throws down with Vagina Painting. Also, Pete has a heart-to-heart with Hannah B. 

Jared, Jackson and Saint are back for Pilot Pete and a group of booby women who don't know how many feet are in a mile. 

We finally sort our sound issues in time to discuss how everyone is crazy but Blake. Also featured: Tay-PJ, Michael B Jordan controversy and Chris "John Krasinki's" surprise Dr. Phil session. 

It's more JPG/Derek beachside shouting matches that make us long for the days when men were men and fights were about pinatas.

It's finally time for the JPJ episode, and it's a doozy: There's a seagull/pigeon love triangle, a wedding freakout and Russian election rose ceremony meddling from Christina. 

Jackson is still in the US, but he calls Jared and Saint to chat about Jordan's getting kicked off the island, Demi finding love exactly where we all expected and a new girl Jared keeps calling Carmelita for some reason. 

Jet-lagged Jared falls asleep through an entire episode. A tiny John Paul Jones emerges from the pillows. Don Juan and Jordan throw down over a pinata. 

It's week one of Bachelor in Paradise, which means Jackson and Jared have even more randos to not remember. John Paul Jones and Cam make a comeback, and a guy named Blake slept with a bunch of women on a stagecoach or something?  

In the two part finale, we listen to a story 'bout a man named Jed, and Sleepy comes in clutch one last time. 

Recording from Tuscaloosa, Alabama, Jared talks to 80-year-old men about Hannah B. Luke P is lynched Bachelor style, but Saint is sympathetic, opening up about her faith--strap in for some real talk. 

Heads roll. "Post It"Connor is sent home when he crashes Hannah's suite. Michael B Jordan hits the bricks on the one-on-one. Luke P and Young Jeremy Renner throw baloney at each other. 

Luke P flips out when Hannah naked bungie jumps with Young Jeremy Renner. Sleepy comes in clutch and all but one of the white randos goes home. We're in the endgame now. 

It's Young Jeremy Renner vs. Luke "Sperm Tie" P in the epic drama smackdown that just won't end. 

When Luke "Sperm Tie" P body slams Luke S, we learn that there is another guy named Luke. Meanwhile, Sleepy comes in clutch once again.

There are way too many forgettable white dudes in this two-episode feature that includes a chicken nugget fight, a labor pains simulator and Cam outing himself as a possible pirate. 

Nerdy brothers Jackson and Jared watch The Bachelorette with their friend Saint, a proper fan. We meet Luke "Sperm Tie" P and a whole bunch of other dudes.