Parenting Through Chaos

In previous episodes, we've shared how to set limits, how to identify which limits to set, and how to enforce limits. But something we've noticed is that as parents, we get tired very quickly if we're constantly repeating ourselves, or what kids would call nagging. So in this episode we're going to share a simple approach for getting more consistent behavior without feeling like we're always having to nag.

Learning to set limits in a way that your young child or adolescent will obey is typically what every parent, caregiver, or educator wants to learn. In this episode, we will be continuing our 3-part series on how to set limits so your child will listen (and you don't lose your mind). We will briefly recap how to set a limit and what to do when your child chooses not to obey the limit.

Learning to set limits so that your kids obey is the topic that every parent wants to learn more about. And fortunately, there's an approach that therapists use when counseling children that works really well for parents. So we are doing a three-part series where we explain the strategies, the skills, and the words to help you set limits so that you can provide your children with structure, consistency, and the protection they need. In this episode, we're going to discuss how you can become more firm on which limits you set, how to set them, and which limits might be even worth letting go of.

This episode is the first of a three-part series where we will be discussing setting limits. The thing we love is that the way we set limits as therapists translates really nicely to the home. What you're going to learn during these two episodes will help your child develop self-control AND reduce your stress as a parent or caretaker.

In this episode you will learn 3 ways to empower your child's internal strength so they can begin to navigate the world around them feeling secure within themselves instead of having this need or desire to seek praise or validation from others just to feel good about themselves. First – return responsibility so that your kids are doing the things that they can do. Second – encourage the effort instead of praising your child. Third – give your children choices. Doing those three things will help your child develop grit as well as a greater understanding and acceptance of themselves.

Connecting with your teen can at times be challenging and maybe even a little intimidating. When you're not equipped with the skills, it can feel like no matter what you do, it's wrong.  In this episode, we're going to share 3 simple ways to connect with your teen that will not only grant you access into their world but will help your teen feel seen and understood.

Find time during the small pockets of opportunity to breathe. We're going to share ways to find the moments you can care for yourself with very minimal change, and how to seize those moments on a day-to-day basis.

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Sometimes children act out because they don't feel like they're being seen or understood. And that's a stressor for children. But when we take time during the day or evening to connect with them, they seem to act out less (or if they do have a difficult moment, it's easier to bring them back down and help them become regulated). So if we can make these little deposits throughout the day, we can prevent many chaotic moments caused by feeling overlooked and ignored. Also, in making an effort to connect with our children, it's easier for us to respond intentionally instead of reacting in those stressful moments. What we've noticed is that not only are our children's buckets being filled in those moments where we're connecting but our own bucket is being filled also. In this episode, we're going to share three simple things you can do to connect with your child in those small pockets of time throughout the day so that you can prevent chaotic moments from even happening in the first place.

When things are going your way, it's easy to be a great parent. It's those moments when there's a conflict that we really struggle to thoughtfully respond. In those stressful moments, we generally react. And we react in ways that we're not always proud of. So in this episode, we're going to talk about how our natural parenting styles affect how we react in those chaotic moments and what we can do to be more thoughtful in how we respond when things are feeling chaotic.

Sometimes we hear of approaches to “fixing the kids” and the focus is often on addressing behavior by focusing on the behavior—things like rewards and punishments. And while you will find some similar things in how we approach chaotic moments, the approach we're going to take on this podcast doesn't just focus on changing your child's external behaviors alone. Our goal is to teach you skills that will change your child's external behaviors from within.In this episode, we share the foundation principle for helping your child change their internal view of themselves and their world. We also share three ideas for how you can put that principle into action.

Parenting can sometimes feel chaotic. But if you learn how to navigate through the chaos, raising children can bring you a lot of joy. This podcast is dedicated to helping you develop the necessary skills to handle those difficult moments so that you can rediscover the joy in parenting. Your hosts are Joanna von Staden, LCMHCA, and Jonathan DeVore, LCMHCA. Joanna and Jonathan are neighbors, they both have their own families, and they are both professional counselors in the greater Charlotte area in North Carolina. As counselors, they work with many families and often get asked a lot of questions by parents and caretakers about how to best help their children with challenging behaviors and big emotions. Joanna and Jonathan thought, "You know what, let's start a podcast where we share insights we've gained both as parents and as counselors so that parents can use the same skills we use as counselors in their own homes!" While this podcast will NOT help you become a licensed therapist, you will learn many counseling skills and tools that translate nicely to the home so you can better respond and help your child in those challenging moments, decreasing your stress and improving your child's problem behavior and big emotions.