Spiritual PTSD

Guilt, fear and the super sweet early childhood years of being scared you were going to hell! If you take this shit seriously then you are constantly looking to cover all of your bases. By six or seven I had found the perfect forgiveness routine to ensure maximum fire protection.   For more episodes, interviews and events please visit www.spiritualptsd.com

By far my least favorite episode. I decided to continue to honor the spirit of this podcast and go ahead and post it. I basically loose my shit but I have to say I agree with everything I said. I meant to tell a story of following my mom through the neighborhood when she would be "leaving" my dad. But it turned into processing some of the comments I have received over the years when I try to talk about these subjects.   For more episodes, interviews and events please visit www.spiritualptsd.com

Not sure how to say this... but I spent my 8th grade through my junior year believing God made me mentally retarded... for his glory. This is a hard listen and was even more difficult to record. Since I already feel like shit for basically pretending to be mentally handicapped I really did not want to further dishonor this community by using the term in the title. So a "hard R" is a quote from Always Funny in Philadelphia.   For more episodes, interviews and events please visit www.spiritualptsd.com

It doesn't take much to convince a 7 year old boy that he is called by God to do miracles and cast out demons. In fact if your going to convince someone of that you better do it while they are young! In this episode I explain how a potentially dangerous situation with a complete stranger in a department store became one of the main events that served as proof that I was born to slay demons and deliver people from satan.   For more episodes, interviews and events please visit www.spiritualptsd.com

Growing up with demons, perverts and the looming end of the world was bad enough but add the effects of growing up "American Poor" as I call it, and I was tormented. In this episode I tell the public humiliation story from a punk ass bully named Clarence and explain the roots of contradictions in my faith and world view.

I break from my normal format of storytelling to discuss where I have been for the last 3 weeks. I've been getting my ass kicked with PTSD based processing of a world pandemic.  This is a great episode to listen to if you want to get some insight into the mind of someone you love who is struggling with PTSD and COVID-19. However, I made a commitment to do this podcast at least for 1 year so I'm gonna keep posting.  For more episodes, interviews and events please visit www.spiritualptsd.com

Imagine believing in your religion so much that you wait to have sex till you are married. Millions have followed this practice and that is great but... imagine your first several sex experiences being anal sex. Cause you know that doesn't count as sex! In this episode I tell the story of a friend that did just that and to this day believes she was a virgin when she got married.   Also, during the recording of this podcast I could not remember the name of another book that came along and created an entire movement. I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris rocked the youth group world. Here is a great doc from that author discussing the book and apologizing for the results it generated for many. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ybYTkkQJw_M   For more episodes, interviews and events please visit www.spiritualptsd.com  

Our first podcast guest and its about the end of the world! Ryan Connell founder and author of www.theholyapostate.com shares moments from his childhood of constant fear that the world was ending and just how hard it is to manage in a world that just wont seem to die! Visit Ryan's site http://www.theholyapostate.com A special thanks to Jon Norwood for the mic upgrade and Josh Mattison for mastering this episode. Visit Josh amazing podcast at Loworbitpodcast.com For more episodes, interviews and events please visit www.spiritualptsd.com

It's 1992 and I am working at a grocery store to be close to the girl I am crazy about. Only problem is she doesnt work there. Its her sister and I end up "prophesying" over a cashier and telling everyone publicly that she is pregnant. And she was! Freaks everyone out and at this point I am pretty convinced that I have some sort of supernatural power. My parents confirm that I do! Not good.   For more episodes, interviews and events please visit www.spiritualptsd.com

Some memories haunt me more than others. In this episode I recall a failed forced exorcism on a boy no older than 13. If that wasn't horrific enough I also dragged in my best friend and basically made him participate.  Listen till the end to hear a phone conversation with that friend discussing his memory of the event.   For more episodes, interviews and events please visit www.spiritualptsd.com

I was 19 when I and a few other actual adults took about 14 teenagers ranging from 13-18 to Cambodia and then we smuggled bibles into communist China. How does a "believer" get to this level of radical action?

Puberty. It's a bitch for all of us but for some of us it is the closest to hell as we ever get. Not only was I a red blooded 12 year old boy just starting puberty but I also had been convinced that you can "receive a demon" every time you have an orgasm from masterbating. By that logic I should be the single most possessed man ever lived. For more episodes, interviews and events please visit www.spiritualptsd.com

In this episode I tell one of the more embarrassing stories from my radical Christian youth. I later realized this experience lead me to move into an even more intense belief system, ministry and attempted miracles. For more episodes, interviews and events please visit www.spiritualptsd.com

I recall my first christian summer camp. My first summer camp crush and a demon of lust. Oh and seeing a total strangers grown man penis multiple times. You know... all the normal camp stuff. For more episodes, interviews and events please visit www.spiritualptsd.com

Along with the audio podcast I wanted to start an interview series where we can open the discussion up to others. To watch the interview head over to our new YouTube channel  https://youtu.be/JLB5PCmak2I In this first episode I sit down with life long neighbor and past church member to discuss when we tried to cast a demon of homosexuality out of him. Spoiler alert... it didn't work. Not only do I apologize but I get to tell Shawn a horrific story of how I blamed him for my 1-900 obsession when we were kids.   For more episodes, interviews and events please visit www.spiritualptsd.com

Like many of my stories most do not believe that I had females following me around "claiming" me as their husbands. What's worse is that their parents taught them to do it and even would fast and pray that I would marry their daughters. Gross. For more episodes, interviews and events please visit www.spiritualptsd.com

In this episode I briefly share my parents tragic backstory and explain how it led to the "satanic panic" in our house for more than 20 years. For more episodes, interviews and events please visit www.spiritualptsd.com

I take an in depth look at why after 43 years I feel now is the time to share these stories. In a hope to foster more conversation, laughs and healing for those that have either been in the depths of this type of religion or have watched with confusion from the outside. It's not pretty but it can be pretty damn funny. For more episodes, interviews and events please visit www.spiritualptsd.com

My first demon is a true account that took place when I was either 6 or 7 years old. You can hear a recording of my mom and I discussing this event. I recorded it the same week I recorded this episode. For more episodes, interviews and events please visit www.spiritualptsd.com