Take a Crit

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Take a Crit is a raunchy D&D 5e comedy podcast. Join our heroes on their comical journey across the magical land of Patherntica. Starring Joey Swanson, Leo Martin, Salem Martin, Mary Jane Hartsog and Austin Petree.

Take a Crit


    • May 17, 2022 LATEST EPISODE
    • monthly NEW EPISODES
    • 59m AVG DURATION
    • 31 EPISODES


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    Latest episodes from Take a Crit

    Episode 30: Wedding Crashers

    Play Episode Listen Later May 17, 2022 46:06


    In this episode our heroes face off against an unexpected enemy, gain a new ally, and put together a plan with Johnny and the resistance! Later on they begin their daring assault on the wedding. This episode contains violence, profanity, drug and alcohol references, sexual content, and descriptions of gore.

    Episode 29: The War Machine (feat. Ally)

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 14, 2022 57:26


    In this episode our heroes find help for Sangio, meet up with Johnny and the rest of their allies, and set out to steal a mysterious war machine. Featuring Ally from Notable Nostalgia and Dungeons and Decades!   This episode contains violence, profanity, drug and alcohol references, sexual content, and descriptions of gore.

    Episode 28: Out of Parm's Way

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 22, 2022 50:30


    In this episode our heroes escape the Duke's dungeon with a new friend, face off against the portal knight, and reunite with an unexpected ally.   This episode contains violence, profanity, drug and alcohol references, sexual content, and descriptions of gore.    

    Episode 27: Arrested Plot Development

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 25, 2022 54:13


    In this episode our heroes have a run-in with the law, briefly speak to their old friend Razbutan, and begin a daring prison break! This episode contains violence, profanity, drug and alcohol references, sexual content, and descriptions of gore.

    Episode 26: Passion of the Chris

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 11, 2022 72:59


    In this episode our Heroes meet up with Woody Portabello, exchange gifts, and enjoy the Chris-Mas festivities! Later on, the group faces the ultimate challenge, followed by some troubling news.  This episode contains violence, profanity, sexual content, drug references, alcohol references, and descriptions of gore.

    Episode 25: Don Gone

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 15, 2021 41:56


    In this episode our heroes escape Goose University, confront the villainous Professor Poplar, and receive a letter from Woody! Later, the Don delivers some upsetting news. This episode contains violence, profanity, sexual content, drug references, alcohol references, and descriptions of gore.

    Episode 24: Goose University

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 30, 2021 45:32


    In this episode our heroes investigate the mysteries of the caverns known as Goose University, solve puzzles, and uncover a concerning secret about the Astral Child! This episode contains profanity, violence, sexual content, drug references, alcohol references, and descriptions of gore. 

    Episode 23: Extracurcritular Activities

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 16, 2021 50:38


    In this episode our heroes witness a speech from the Queen of Patherntica, meet a peculiar bounty hunter, and visit an arcane university in the hopes of learning more about Razbutan's schemes! This episode contains violence, profanity, sexual content, drug references, alcohol references, and descriptions of gore.

    Greatest Crits: The Parodies

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 11, 2021 28:50


    In place of an episode this week, enjoy the soundtrack of our parody songs, with commentary from Joey! Stay tuned for episode 23, now coming November 16th! (Sorry for the delay!) This episode contains profanity, sexual content, and references to violence, drug use, and alcohol use.

    Episode 22: The Gabaghoul

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 26, 2021 67:16


    In this episode our heroes learn a few secrets from Kevan before searching the city for a dangerous undead creature, all while fighting off an arrogant hunter of the night! But will our heroes complete this quest in time for the annual costume contest? This episode contains violence, profanity, sexual content, drug references, alcohol references, and descriptions of gore. 

    Episode 21: Home for the Hollow Days

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 12, 2021 44:43


    In this episode the gang meets up with Johnny and returns to Patherntica in time for the festival of the Hollow One! Later on, as our heroes attempt to rescue Gazebo, a troubling secret is revealed. This episode contains profanity, violence, sexual content, drug references, alcohol references, and descriptions of gore.

    Episode 20: Gnome Sweet Gnome

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 29, 2021 70:09


    In this episode our heroes listen to Jeeve's sad tale, catch up with Johnny and agent Verich, and head to the Sunderwood in search of evidence of Razbutan's crimes. What they find, however, may shock them. This episode contains violence, profanity, sexual content, drug references, alcohol references, and descriptions of gore.

    Episode 19: Get Jibby With It (Feat. Andy)

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 16, 2021 75:29


    In this episode our heroes confront the foe awaiting them on the other side of the portal, Scotch Impersonates a few uncles, and Woody helps the gang escape a sticky situation. Featuring Andy from Notable Nostalgia! Be sure to check out Notable Nostalgia on Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts! This episode contains profanity, violence, sexual content, descriptions of gore, drug references, and alcohol references. 

    Episode 18: Portabelloh-No (Feat. Andy)

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 31, 2021 54:38


    In this episode our heroes travel to the Portabello kingdom, and Gatcha reunites with her plucky younger brother, Woody Portabello (played by Andy from Notable Noastalgia!). Later on Scotch leads the party in a daring infiltration.  This Episode contains violence, profanity, sexual content, drug references, alcohol references, and descriptions of gore.

    Episode 17: Teenage Mutant Monster Frogs

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 16, 2021 50:17


    In this episode Scotch faces off against Pop Hops, our heroes search for missing villagers, and a strange new enemy is revealed. Later on Scotch and Pop have a serious conversation. This episode contains violence, profanity, sexual content, drug references, alcohol references, and descriptions of gore.

    Episode 16: Tough Spaghetti

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 2, 2021 42:49


    In this episode our heroes return to Patherntica aboard their new creation, hear some bad news from Johnny, and rush off to defend the Springtail forest. Later on Scotch confronts his village for the first time since running away.  This episode contains violence, profanity, sexual content, drug references, alcohol references, and descriptions of gore.

    Episode 15: Oops! All Gusses

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 20, 2021 53:52


    In this episode our heroes restore their bodies and learn the truth behind Gus the Greater's story. Later on Scotch makes an amazing wish.  This episode contains violence, profanity, sexual content, alcohol references, and descriptions of gore.

    Episode 14: Cut a Rug

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 6, 2021 58:09


    In this episode our heroes venture into the lost city of Praeteris. In the city they meet some wild party boys, get some new toys, and uncover the secrets hidden within the palace. This episode contains violence, profanity, alcohol references, and sexual content. 

    Episode 13: Keep Away

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 21, 2021 47:23


    In this episode Willy comes face to face with the Butterfly Knight. Later on our heroes put their animal forms to the test in the trial of the keep, and find the outcome is not what they expected. This episode contains violence, profanity, drug and alcohol references, and sexual content.  

    Episode 12: Smile and Wave

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 7, 2021 45:52


    In this episode our heroes meet some new animal friends and attempt to charm an unusual snake. Later on Scotch gives a rousing speech in an attempt to inspire an army of critters.  This episode contains violence, profanity, and sexual content.

    Episode 11: Among Gus

    Play Episode Listen Later May 25, 2021 51:13


    In this episode our heroes arrive at the island of Praeteris, meet a peculiar wizard, and put their detective skills to the test in the trial of the island! It doesn't go well. This episode contains violence, profanity, sexual content, and alcohol use.

    Episode 10: A Tale of Two Gusses

    Play Episode Listen Later May 10, 2021 48:48


    In this episode our heroes discover a shocking secret about Queen Portabello, Scotch and Garret party down, and Willy learns more about Gus the Greater and his past.    This episode contains violence, profanity, alcohol references, and sexual content. 

    Episode 9: Every Frog Has its Day

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 26, 2021 57:31


    In this episode our heroes attempt to fight off Gus the Greater. Later Scotch competes in the finals of Patherntican idol and Gatcha meets her new dad.    This episode contains violence, profanity, sexual content, and drug references.

    Episode 8: Doing it Froggy Style

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 12, 2021 52:11


    In this episode Scotch fights for his life, and our heroes snoop on the judges. Later on Scotch and the Hoppers dance their hearts out in the second round of Patherntican Idol.   This episode contains profanity, violence, drug use, and sexual content.

    Episode 7: Stealing the Show

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 29, 2021 62:50


    In this episode our heroes snoop on Willy's uncle Gus the Greater. Later on Scotch competes in the first round of Patherntican Idol!   This episode contains profanity, violence, drug references, and sexual content.

    Episode 6: Scotch and the Hoppers

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 15, 2021 59:51


    In this episode our heroes find a way out of their predicament. Later on Scotch lays it down in the snail district's first annual singing contest. This episode contains profanity, violence, and sexual content.

    Episode 5: Toby or not Toby

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 1, 2021 82:39


    In this episode Toby's rampage begins as our heroes attempt to reign him in. Later on things get hot and wet at a water treatment facility. This episode contains violence, profanity, and sexual content. 

    Episode 4: Hatching Trouble

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 15, 2021 118:04


    In this episode our heroes reunite with Gazebo Sunderwood, Willy finds an interesting use for his trunk, and the party returns to the Duragizer battery factory in order to obtain hard evidence for Mayor Gaspucci. This episode contains violence, profanity, descriptions of gore, and sexual content.

    Episode 3: Assault and Battery

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 1, 2021 94:04


    Our heroes meet with Mayor Gaspucci to ask for assistance in their investigation, and Garret learns the upsetting truth about G-bo's true identity. Later the party gets into trouble while searching for evidence inside the battery factory. This episode contains violence, profanity, and sexual content.

    Episode 2: Happy Birthday, Welcome Home

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 18, 2021 94:39


    Our heroes meet with Don Scammerelli. Later, they investigate the Duragizer battery company, uncovering a dark secret.  This episode contains violence, profanity, and sexual content.

    Episode 1: Let's Get This Party Started

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 4, 2021 77:44


    Scotch Hops, Will "Willy" Willis, Garrett Sunderwood and Princess Gatcha Portabello form a freelance company in the city of Patherntica. This episode contains violence, profanity, and sexual content.

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