Real RecoveryCast

It is useful to know the difference between planning for our desired future versus fantasizing over unrealistic scenarios that actually lead us AWAY from what we truly want. I would encourage us all to take a moment of self-reflection and ask ourselves the following questions: How much is fantasy playing a role in my current thought process? What do I REALLY want? How can I get there by planning instead of fantasizing?

If we're not careful we can let our work/home lives get out of balance and create fantasies that distract us from what matters most. The first step is to be aware when this is happening. Then, we can consciously choose to stay in reality and do what is necessary to restore balance in our lives.

Our intimate relationships often need repairing when we are in recovery. For some of us, we may have never been taught how to be in healthy romantic relationships. Whatever the case, when we practice truly connecting with another human being instead of resorting to our isolating behaviors, we allow space for healing and for true intimacy.

When Women Decide to Get Help by Lacy Bentley, Protected Hearts

In recovery, it is important to be able to distinguish between facts, interpretations, feelings, and the stories that we tell ourselves. I hope you will take a quick listen and let me know if you have any thoughts, questions, or experiences you would like to share.

Protected Hearts Women's Recovery Podcast / Sound Bytes We ALL have innate value. Sometimes we need a quick reminder of that, especially when recovery is kicking our butt and we start questioning our worth. If there's nothing else you take from this, it's that YOU MATTER, no matter what.

You might wonder if this is your fault, or how you contributed to what happened. The truth is, we are all responsible for our own actions. That doesn't do much to help you heal, though. We dig into how you can take care of yourself, what your responsibility is, and what your needs might be right now. Just because it was her addiction, her behaviors, her affair, does not mean you don't have a need for recovery and healing also. Let's chat about what's yours, and what you can do to move yourself forward in your journey.

It is critical disclosures are handled properly. When do you need a therapist involved? Do you or she need or want a polygraph? How do you handle it when you both might have indiscretions to report? How many details are important, and how do you decide how much you want to know? So many questions can arise when it comes to this important, sensitive, and necessary step. Whether you are thinking about rebuilding or not, at some point you will need to address the breach of trust.

This podcast is a little longer. Hope and I discuss your strengths as a man dealing with deep pain and betrayal. We also cover: Should I just join the fantasy? Can I punch the guy in the face? What can I expect if she's really working recovery? The importance of the "fidelity contract" Boundaries Letting go and moving forward Not bringing the other guy/her compulsive or addictive behaviors into the bedroom yourself We also tell you how to get a hold of us and keep connected with other men who want to learn to handle betrayal in healthy, productive ways.

Being cheated on is no fun. It sucks. In this age of social media, the "affair" can take on a variety of forms, from reconnecting online with an old flame, a new flame, through text and email with a colleague. Even if the "partner" was in her mind, as in pornography or an emotional affair based on fantasy, it hurts. Some partners have even felt rejected for teen/adult romance novels and a life of fantasy and sexual self-satisfaction. Men are sometimes overlooked when it comes to how women act out (or in) when it comes to romance, sex and "love. This podcasts addressed those emotions, and takes a deep look into why guys stay, and what it means. If she's truly working her recovery, is making changes and doing her part to repair the damage done, you might want to give it another go. Your family and friends might not get it. While it's important to check in with others so you don't get taken advantage of again, it is also important you make this decision in a way you that leaves you with no regrets. The decision is yours. We just want to give you a few things to think about, and real changes to look for if you are considering repair instead of divorce.

Let's talk about triggers and how to deal with your own. It's natural to wonder what's going on in her mind, what she's thinking about, and if it's him. There is a big difference between concern and obsession though. If you start ruminating and getting stuck worrying about the future though, you won't be able to get the recovery and healing you need, or make the important decisions before you. Also covered: trigger tracking mindfulness intentional focus

Hope and I chat about a few of the unique and critical needs for male partners of female sex and love addicts. She offers insights, suggestions for the beginning stages of recovery, and talks about her intensive couple's program. Introduction to the 5-part series, "Male Partner Support" released December 22, 2018.