This One's For The Working Mama

If you’ve been sticking it out episode after episode and if you’ve been actually reading the chapters in Proverbs, you may start to feel like they all blend together. Like there is a lot of talk about rulers, servants, wisdom, sinners and the poor. Too many words strung together can lose their meaning and repetition can either lead to a true penetration to the heart or a complete dismissal.I’m on Proverbs 29 in my own reading. I read it, then read it again and start to hear a lot of the same buzz words. My initial reaction is “more of this” but then I thought maybe those words are for me.

Why am I so different? Why am I not just content to be home day after day with my kids and home with no other projects? Am I less of a mother because I desire to do something with the talents and gifts God has given me? Have I created an idol out of my work or tied my identity to my job description?

What you put out, you get back. I’ve read through proverbs 27 multiple times and that’s the message that hits me where I am today. Cultivating relationships with people in your normal, busy, day-to-day lives creates a community of people who are there for you when struggle comes. Being the kind of loving wife who is gracious and compassionate, returns a gracious and compassionate husband when you find yourself in turmoil. The effort you put into your work even if it feels unnoticed and under praised, is rewarded when millions in the world are without a job and you find yourself still in yours.

Like most of you, I’m sitting in my home. It’s day 19 of a country wide “safer at home” order encouraging social distancing, staying home except for necessities, home school, toilet paper rationing and a flood and I mean tsunami type flood of media with varying degrees of gloom, doom and peppered in hope. Those charts cataloging positive cases and deaths are complete eye sores, those maps that showed red circles far from home have now crept into our state, our city and in some cases our neighborhoods. We are all rallying together to do our part for humanity, to hunker down, change the curve and prepare for what the media, the experts, the president… tell us is on the horizon.

The rapid spread of the Coronavirus. Where did it come from and where is it headed next? How do we cure it and stop the spread? How can we know more?And pretty soon we are found a chaotic, anxious mess of humanity in search of what lies beyond our comprehension. We buyout surgical masks on Amazon and then shy away from those wearing them as if they are carrying the plague rather than trying to prevent it. We turn to our government… our president… to answer a health crisis when He is likely the least qualified person to discuss public health and an epidemic. We place too much hope and security in truths that the world can offer us… quick answers, vaccines, cures, evidence. The gift that is wrapped up in Proverbs 25 is the reminder that some things are for God to know and us to trust Him.

When the final category was announced and the envelope was opened, I think everyone including the recipient was blown away at the result. Parasite? A foreign film with subtitles won our American Oscar’s. To say the winner was unexpected is an understatement. Some may even call it unfair or undeserved because it was a foreign winner in a National award ceremony.But isn’t that how life works? Sometimes the most unlikely or underserved seem to be #winning? Do you know that person who denounces Christ, lives for self and gives very little thought to others, yet seems to score big at anything they touch?

Welcome back friends! If you’ve been following along with this journey and checking in each week for a new episode you may have noticed I took a little break. With the Christmas season, New Year and what feels like back to school 2.0, it just felt like a good time to step back from anything that seemed like a commitment and allow myself room to breathe, to recharge, and to think and pray on what’s next.If you’ve been trying to stick out these 31 days in the Proverbs and faithfully listening along with each episode, YAY you! If you’ve found yourself floundering and ready for this to wrap it up, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t feeling the same way at times. This is what we have a tendency to do with studying the Bible. We can allow it to become routine, mundane and something that we do out of obligation rather than desire.

For starters, if you live in the United States of America you are rich. Does this seem unfair? Without getting too political… is a stirring in your soul that aches for the poor confusing you and maybe causing you to “Feel the Bern” in 2020 because a division of wealth seems fair, right and just? Well this is an important part of the story where we need to jump in and stop hearing what I have to say about money and start hearing what God does.

You need to believe that you are worthy and you need love. But the only way to get this lasting confirmation of your value and the sustaining love is by considering the source. Your net worth is not your value. The opinion of others (your boss, coworkers, friends, loved ones) is not your worth. A flawed human scale made up of broken people is not your barometer. And I don’t believe the key is in self love either. There is one love that can build a foundation of hope, security and worth in your life and that is the love of God, made perfect and relational through His son Jesus.

If you believe the Bible to be true, then you accept that the Lord directs our steps. Even with the best intentions of a resolution being a promise to God, the warning is clear that this traps us. If you find yourself on the threshold of 2020 and wondering how you plan and anticipate what’s next, can I encourage you to ditch the expectation for a resolution and the need to know every next step. Rather, embrace this concept of identifying a word or phrase that you hope describes what your life looks like and then seek God in the pursuit of that lifestyle.

We can enter into a race toward our plan… what we want… and it may just be one that was never intended for us. It might be the marathon for the sprinter or the 5k for the couch potato and somewhere in our desperation, we stop. We surrender. And that is where our coach is standing, waiting to give us instruction, to redirect our path.

I keep tabs on a lot of mommy books, articles, blogs, social media feeds, etc. and so often hear a mother utter words that say somewhere in the raising of kids and being a wife they have lost themselves. The very practical, realist in me wants to say, “Well where did she go? Aren’t you right here?” But I know they aren’t talking about their physical body and they would probably not find humor in my asking. But I do get what they are saying… to an extent.

What if we practiced what the Bible said and we turned the other cheek? What if every offensive or passive aggressive comment rolled off our back and didn’t offend? What if we chose few words in the midst of conflict and sought the wisdom to allow us to be even-tempered? I don’t think these choices are easy. If they were, it wouldn’t require so much instruction on the topic. But now that we are armed with these truths, there’s an accountability to them. What if we loosened our gloves and sought a position of surrender rather than offense?

We get wrapped up in the lie that we are actually in control. We use phrases like control freak and type A to describe behaviors that plan to a fault. But God’s word reminds us, we can cast the dice but only He knows how they will fall. You may find yourself in the “Middle message” where it’s sad and sappy and uncertain of the future. You may be disappointed that your plans are not succeeding. You may be thinking God’s left your passenger seat, your life… your world completely.

You may not be harboring anger for God but you might be holding a grudge against someone else. Perhaps it’s a friend who said something hurtful, your spouse who neglected your needs or your kids who deliberately disobey. If you hold these feelings in the dark places of your heart, they will crush your spirit. To bring restoration, there is only one cure… getting your heart right with God.

Your home roles may not look like mine, but there are very likely ways in which your family can sense when you are not in your best mindset and that fact might have the same impact on your family. A domino effect or ripple of the rest of them being out of sorts. Why does this happen? Why is there so much power in our behavior? Today, we are going to look at just one verse in Proverbs 14, one I believe was written for you and for me on the topic of setting the temp in our home.

God didn’t promise a life fulfilled meant never feeling bored with the mundane, never being disrupted or inconvenienced. In fact, “Comfort” was never part of the promise. But I do know that God created me with a desire and ability to dream… dream big or dream small. Then I stopped to think, Am I not created in the image of my heavenly father? If I have personality traits and defining characteristics are they inherited from Him? The Word tells me that’s truth… so God must be a dreamer.

Work was present from the beginning of man kind. Present before sin entered the world, before companies and hierarchies existed. When God created the earth and the land, it was initially barren because it needed someone to tend to it. Genesis 2: 5 says “neither wild plants nor grains were growing on the earth. For the Lord God had not yet sent rain to water the earth, and there were no people to cultivate the soil.” When God did breathe life into Adam, the word says, “The Lord God placed the man in the Garden of Eden to tend and watch over it.” (GEN 2:15). Work was not a consequence of sin, it was the intent of our existence. We were created to work on this earth. Eve was created to help Adam cultivate the Garden.

Having a map like this can be an incredible tool to lead you where you want to go and help you understand what’s truly important to you. When not used appropriately or referenced at all, it can have an adverse effect. Sometimes a map with a marked out destination can get in the way of a detour God has for us. We can become so fixated on the steps we have plotted in permanent market that we forget how beautiful God’s eraser can be. Other times we can get so wrapped up in a pace someone else is setting and on a track you never planned and then you arrive at your destination and wonder who put this address in your GPS. The end result doesn’t align with any of the things you value and it feels less like a play place and more like the driveway of a stranger’s house.

The storms of life can come out of nowhere with a seemingly predictable path like loss of job leading to poverty, miscarriage leading to a life with no children, marital problems leading to divorce, loss of a spouse or child leading to depression and loss of purpose... and the list goes on. Those storms can develop overnight, pick up speed and the narrative can say the path of destruction is headed right toward your life, right at your soul. There are so many storms that come out of no where and we seem unprepared. Or those with all the warning signs but we ignore the preparation and protection of those parts of our heart and soul because it’s too much work or we are desensitized to the magnitude of the storms. The game changer in the hard places of life, the storms... is preparation. Not grocery shopping, ice cream eating and shutter hanging preparation... but Godly discipline, seeking wisdom and pursuing righteousness.

Do you work to live or live to work? Those questions sound the same but they have very significant differences. Do you work to live? Does your job check the boxes of paying your bills, providing for your basic wants and needs and is your lifestyle dependent on its income? Do you view your job as just that… a job that is comprised of work and fills on average 8 hours of your day, all the while waiting for the remaining hours to start? Or, are you in the camp of the other question, do you live to work? In the grand scheme of life, your job is just a simple thing. It can change, it can grow in responsibilities and accolades or it can disappear from your life completely by losing it or moving on. Your home is a simple thing, while I am all about creating a home in your house, the actual building can be destroyed in a flood or a fire or lost in a financial crisis. The biggest truth you can take away from this verse today is to leave the simple ways behind: Not necessarily quitting your job or selling your house, but leaving the worry and focus on those things driving your happiness behind and BEGIN TO LIVE.

The self help, personal development industry generated $9.9 Billion in revenue in 2018 and one of the most rising professions in 2018 was the role of being a personal or business coach. The average U.S. coach makes $62,000 a year. The total U.S. self improvement market grew by 4.6% since 2011. With all of these resources available to us and so many of them consumed wouldn’t you expect the growth to stop or slow down somewhere along the way? Wouldn’t a strong return on investment in these programs, books, webinars, coaching services… indicate the kind of growth where we finally “Get it” without having to keep purchasing it? Is it a scam? Something meant as a teaser to make you have to keep going in search of the actual answer? Or is the problem that we hear or read but we aren’t really listening or digesting the words?

Proverbs 7 Takes us back to the message of guarding ourselves from temptation in where our heart wanders, but these verses speak to the behavior of a promiscuous woman. I think as women we can garnish two pieces of wisdom from this passage, one is that a man can be just as luring and tempting so we are not exempt from going astray, and two… we do not want to be the promiscuous woman even if that is not our intent.  

I want to talk about your actual job, the one you are paid to do that has a boss you report to and an organizational structure you may or may not be hoping to climb. And I want to dive into integrity in that workplace. Whether you chose to work or have to work to make ends meet, when you accept to do a job in exchange for a paycheck, you have an obligation to that company to fulfill at a minimum, the responsibilities on your job description… for nothing more than the pay they agreed to.

I wanted to tee up today’s verses by talking about the choice to love and the faith to trust that God has our marriages in his hands. But I also wanted to mention free will and choice because it will lighten what you read today. I also think its important to mention that while this passage is written from a father to a son and addresses the role of the man avoiding promiscuous women, ladies we are not exempt from the warning nor are we responsible for the man who fails the command to stay faithful. Today’s reading in Proverbs comes from Chapter 5 and it’s a reminder that the Bible is not just some antiquated historical account rather, a guidebook relevant to us today. .  

The Bible says that we will draw people in by our words and our testimonies and I will be the first to admit, not all the words that pass through my lips are in fact holy in nature. There are definitely times when my co-workers, my friends, my acquaintances and even my church folk have heard a little cussing come forth from these lips. It is usually intended to add an emphasis of humor to the conversation or out of deep frustration or aggravation. And there are very few occasions, less than what I can count on my hands… where my kids have bore witness as well. I am human, I sin just like the rest of them and allowing people to see our sin sometimes can make us more relatable. But if we start to celebrate the sin that separates us from holiness, how are we living much different than our life before we met Jesus? Let's look to the Proverbs for wisdom on guarding our hearts because from the heart the mouth speaks. 

If you find yourself in this place of indecision or feeling the pressure of the right choice for that next big thing in your career or education... try to get alone with your thoughts, check in with your soul and define your motivations. Consult the one's you love but don't let their opinion bear all the weight and give some deep thought to these questions: What is the life you are working towards and does this decision set you on that path to carry you towards that or further from it? Then just leap! Do it ... or don't do it, but trust in God along the way. Proverbs Chapter 3 as part of the Daily Nourishment Challenge from This One's for the Working Mama: Permission to live with your soul on fire. 

Are you the people pleaser? Or are you the one who speaks up too quick, expresses the frustration at your work or home even when the timing may not be right or the delivery may be abrasive? Are you not sure when it is appropriate to speak up? Have you ever prayed for wisdom and discernment for these situations? No decision is too big or too small to seek out the wisdom that is right there for the taking. What does this wisdom look like? It might be a stirring in your soul, an urging in your heart, words read in the Bible, wise counsel from a mentor or a thought that keeps circulating in your mind and will not quiet or go away. Finish strong today, read the remaining verses in Proverbs chapter 2 and see what wisdom is laying there for you to uncover.

A high five for hanging in there…  As a working mom, you may long to read that your kids will not be in therapy because you go off to work. Maybe your soul needs to hear that one other working mama struggles to keep it all together and chases an idea of perfection that is not her own. Sometimes you might retreat to your closet, your car or under your covers and cry tears of exhaustion and frustration because this job is tough. Katie Alexander has been there as a working mama with a nine to five job, a commute and boss. She is the transparent, vulnerable friend we long to meet for coffee because she is not going to exhaust you with stories about her “perfect” life. Instead she is going to tell you how God’s Word gave her the permission to embrace the working mama role with her soul on fire.   Katie will guide you as you: Restore your home to the sanctuary it needs to be Embrace the freedom found in the Bible to approach your job with gratitude rather than guilt Identify what sets your soul on fire and make more room for that Weed through the lies about how you should work, parent and live to build a new foundation Bring God into the strategic plan for your work and finances to reset your career path   This One’s for the Working Mama is a guide to understanding the freedom you have in Christ to write your own manual for how you will do this job.