Hear Me Roar

I speak to Oghosa Ovienrioba, better known by her personal brand Sincerely Oghosa. Oghosa is a 28-year-old Nigerian English female influencer who, in 2014, published a video wherein she bravely discussed having suffered from porn addiction. Like all addictions, Oghosa’s was a behavioral adaptation to trauma; namely, being the victim of chronic childhood sexual abuse. Oghosa’s experience is particularly significant because the grooming and subsequent abuse she suffered was perpetrated by a peer only slightly older than her at the time, and of the same gender identity. We discuss child-on-child violence, an abuse dynamic rarely acknowledged in rape culture and rape myth. To follow Oghosa’s journey, visit her instagram page (@sincerelyoghosa). The resource mentioned during this interview is Barnardo’s, www.barnardos.org.uk, a children’s charity established to help underserved children in 1866.

This is a really special episode because it features Dr. Kristen Zaleski, our second-ever expert witness. Dr. Zaleski is a Los-Angeles based Psychotherapist, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, and a Professor at the Suzanne Dworak-Peck School of Social Work at the University of Southern California. She is an expert on sexual trauma in both civilian and military settings. We had a really important conversation about rape culture and rape myth, and I think there’s a lot of valuable information here, whether you’ve experienced sexual trauma or not. To learn more about Dr. Zaleski or read about the study she mentions at the end of our interview, you can visit her website, KristenZaleskiPHD.Com. Some other resources mentioned throughout the interview include the UCLA Rape Treatment Center and an organization called End Technology Abuse, or EndTAB.Org. Finally, although not mentioned during our interview, you may be interested in reading about the Keck Human Rights Clinic, where Dr. Zaleski works as the Director of Forensic Mental Health. If you like this episode, please share and rate it, it really supports the podcast.

In today’s episode, you’ll hear Teresa, now thirty-five-years-old and living in Boston, recount her experience with campus sexual assault. When she was just 19, Teresa was the victim of an alcohol-facilitated or incapacitated rape while attending Michigan State University. I think this story will be particularly meaningful to those who struggle with lapses in memory related to trauma, or victims who were never able to identify their perpetrators. Before I play the interview, please consider visiting Teresa’s blog, https://www.teresapokladowski.com/, where she writes openly about her recovery from sexual assault. Teresa is willing to connect with any other survivor who would like to reach out to her, and can be contacted via email at Hello@TeresaPokladowski.Com.

A couple weeks ago, Hear Me Roar became a year old! Since it’s sexual assault awareness month, I brought Olivia (from our first episode) back on to touch base about where she is in recovery, and, most importantly, to share a really personal letter she wrote to herself called, Dear Survivor. This is a short, recovery-focused episode.

Meet Megan, a 27-year-old Masters of Clinical Psychology student who experienced back-to-back assaults during her first year of living in Los Angeles, seven years ago. We discuss date rape, dissociation, the difficulties of boundary-setting, and the role boxing has played in Megan’s healing. Also mentioned during this interview is the tonic immobility experienced by many rape survivors, undermining the myth that all rapes are preceded by active resistance by victims. Special note: survivors may be experiencing added layers of alienation, panic, or increased hypervigilance amid the Corona pandemic. If anyone needs additional support, please visit www.rainn.org or email me at shop@sara-abdallah.com to be connected to more survivors who will understand what you’re going through! Stay safe.

In our 10th episode, I interviewed a thirty-year-old white woman named Bryn, who lives in Atlanta, Georgia, works in public health, and practices ethical non-monogamy. In May of 2019, Bryn was victimized by someone with whom she would have been excited to have a casual sexual relationship. To put Bryn’s experience in perspective, it’s important to keep in mind that, according to RAINN, 8 of every 10 rapes are committed by someone known to the victim. Of that overwhelming majority, 39% of victims – including Bryn – are attacked by an acquaintance. I’d like to let Bryn provide the rest of the details, but please be warned – some of them are graphic. Keep listening.

Under the condition of anonymity, I interviewed a twenty-six-year-old North African/Arab gay Muslim woman. I have something in common with today’s guest: at age eighteen, we both moved from countries that are outwardly religiously conservative to the United States for University. Within only a few days of her arrival, my guest was severely abused by her partner – a woman with whom she had been cultivating a long-distance relationship for months before leaving home. My guest’s story demonstrates that every single one of our personal histories is the ever-significant container for our ability to consent to sexual activity and for our capacity to clearly interpret and process victimization experiences as rape or assault – both in real time, and on the road to recovery. This story serves as an important reminder that perpetrators and victims can belong to any gender, and that, bluntly put, you can be raped by your significant other.

Meet Tiffany: born in Pennsylvania but residing in Los Angeles, this brave survive has undergone multiple episodes of sexual violence or attempts at victimization. Her story perfectly demonstrates significant trends in acquaintance rape, including the likelihood that a victim will freeze during an assault in what psychiatrists call rape-induced paralysis. Additionally, Tiffany’s story epitomizes the high mental and emotional tax often paid by victims who attempt to seek medical attention or to have officers write incident reports about what has happened to them. No matter how uncomfortable, we ought to take very seriously that Tiffany’s experiences – all of them – are valid and real.

In this episode, I speak to an amazing educator named Michelle Goldstein, who survived an alcohol-facilitated date rape. We discuss the depth of loss and social alienation that often follow sexual violence. In healing, Michelle has found a community of survivors and stepped back into her own power as a source of support for others. Michelle has generously offered to be available to survivors who may want to confide in her. To that end, she can be reached at her Instagram page, @Penguinstein, or through me, Sara, at shop@sara-abdallah.com.

Krystal Thomas, a recovering Alcoholic/Addict Trans WOC, describes multiple rape experiences that span decades. Krystal’s experiences demonstrate a wide range of common responses to abuse, from ”just carrying on” to fleeing a near-death experience, ending up hospitalized, and filing a criminal complaint. In spite of the severity of Krystal’s experience with sexual violence, she exudes glowing recovery, authenticity, and – most importantly – humanity.

In a deviation from the typical format, I speak not to a survivor, but to an expert witness. Dr. Jackie White is a retired Professor of Psychology and the former Director of Women’s and Gender Studies at the University of North Carolina Greensboro. Her research, spanning decades, is centered on sexual assault and dating violence. Furthermore, Dr. White is a Co-Founder and past President of the National Partnership to End Interpersonal Violence. In this episode, we debunk many of the myths surrounding sexual assault, including the belief that victims are responsible for super-strength resistance when attacked, and that rape is a form of sex – as opposed to an act of violence. What you will learn listening to Dr. White, you must.

This episode, I speak to a young man who, under the condition of anonymity, shares his story of childhood sexual abuse at the hands of his older brother. This survivor discusses the impact of trauma on memory as well as the pain of being disbelieved by others, and how he found his way into and, eventually, out of substance abuse. Despite the sadness and complexity of this story, we connect through and laugh at our common humanity.

Josh Huerta, now twenty-nine years old, recounts being raped over the summer between seventh and eighth grade. We discuss the ways in which healing is a constant work, as well as how trauma impacts our ability to set boundaries, and how to be kind to ourselves amid internalized victim-blaming.

Fredy Espinoza, author of REQUIEM: A Memoir of Sex, Madness, and Self Destruction, bravely shares his story of childhood rape. We talk not only about how such profound trauma would continue to repeat itself for decades and lead Fredy to crystal meth, but also, about how Fredy found his way out of repetition, and into sobriety and healing.

After connecting through a group therapy at the UCLA Rape Treatment Center, Sara and Olivia discuss assault, forensic exams, reporting to police, and healing.