My Writing Sucks

In this episode, I read the epilogue from the original draft of Starchild as well as multiple scenes from a second (and wildly different!) draft that I wrote in college to illustrate how complete the revision process can be. And I remind you to be proud of yourself—because it's true! 

In Part Nine, Ruby finds herself at the center of a high-stakes intergalactic conflict. The most pretentious, angsty-boy villain I've ever seen in fiction makes an appearance, sacrifices are made, and Ruby and Fiora are forced to say goodbye.  I talk about how Starchild has never been Ruby's story, some really irritating plot holes, and, despite it all, how much I love Ruby and Fiora's friendship.

Part Eight is explosive, to say it lightly (catastrophic to say it less lightly). Somehow, at the exact same moment, a mysterious spaceship crashes onto the Lorencip's property and Ruby's dad comes home after his (ambiguously long) absence. Seventeen year old me attempts to manage this emotional fall out to a varying degree of success. I discuss how bizarre Ruby's parents are as characters, how seventeen year old me keeps skirting away from any scenes with emotional resonance, and the importance of saying less. 

Part Seven desperately wants to be a climax. And a psychological horror film. The story goes from zero to attempted murder real fast when Fiora loses her mind on the bully girls who haven't been mentioned since Part One. I discuss Starchild's unbalanced plot, the basics of a climax, and how and why (despite it all) Ruby and Fiora still resonate with me as characters. 

Part Six rivals Part Five for the world's longest exposition dump—but this time, it's Ruby doing the dumping (and yes, that is the worst way I could have ever phrased that). Join me as I rapidly lose my mind reading this saccharine mess out loud. I discuss writing without limits and bring depth to your secondary characters. 

In Part Five, Ruby gets an entire galaxy's worth of trauma dumped on her in perhaps the most long-winded exposition dump I have ever read. Neither she nor I know what to do with all this information. I talk about the shape of story and the role of your subconscious in writing. 

Part Four might as well be titled “Meet the Lorencips!”—your average, dorky Midwestern family. Except, occasionally they talk in a language Ruby has never heard before. And none of them seem to know what “meatloaf” is. Also, they have a semi-sentient AI hologram in the basement. Fiora holographically takes Ruby to her home planet, and it quickly becomes apparent why the Lorencips came to Earth. I discuss the importance of not italicizing different languages in fiction, characters thinking about their emotions rather than feeling them, and Starchild as an immigrant narrative.   Below is a link to the article I referenced for further reading on italicization:  “The Case Against Italicizing ‘Foreign' Words.” Barokka, Khairani.  https://catapult.co/stories/column-the-case-against-italicizing-foreign-words-khairani-barokka 

In Part Three, seventeen-year-old me reveals that Fiora is truly an alien in literally the most boring way possible. I discuss not rushing your plot and going whole-hog with your worldbuilding. This episode also features a heaping dose of my seventeen-year-old self's commentary on The Bachelor because that was exactly what this story needed.

In Part Two, there is a disappointing lack of alien content. Ruby has an incredibly expository conversation with her emotionally distant mother. The next day, Ruby and Fiora take part in the most gladiatorial game of dodgeball I have ever read and end up battered and bloody in the nurse's office because…bonding, I guess? I discuss sideways emotions, Tennessee William's The Glass Menagerie, the tenuous art of foreshadowing, and my love for Jordan Peele. 

Welcome back to another season of My Writing Sucks! Join me as I read through Starchild, the first middle grade novel I ever wrote when I was seventeen (and took my writing very seriously). In Part One, we meet Ruby Carter, your average eleven-year-old with the vocabulary of an SAT prep book. Everything changes for Ruby when a new girl joins her class and announces in front of everyone that she is not from Earth. Despite judgment from her peers, Ruby befriends Fiora and quickly discovers that her claim might not be so far-fetched after all…

The final chapter of Letters presents more questions that answers. I think I'll just leave it at that.

In Chapter Seven, somehow thirteen year old me manages to cover five whole months of Ellanora and Oliver feuding without mentioning anything relevant--that is until Ellanora discovers the shocking truth about Rydel (and by shocking I mean a half eaten Cheeto could have seen it coming).

In Chapter Six, things finally happen! Ellanora suddenly becomes the queen of pettiness at the not-Halloween dance and then blames all the fallout that ensues on everyone but herself. Harriet returns in this chapter though, which I'm counting as a small win.

In Chapter Five, I was fully convinced we would get a scene at the not-Halloween dance, but instead, it is a completely non-sensical filler chapter. Interestingly, this detour leads to a conversation about portraying heavy emotions in your fiction and learning to care for yourself mentally as a writer. So, that's nice.

In Chapter Four, Oliver proves himself to be a real garbage human by leading Ellanora on about the Halloween dance and then asking Rydel instead. Ellanora continues to pine over him though he has been shown to have approximately zero redeeming qualities. While shopping for the dance at a consignment shop, Ellanora is shown some kindness by the punk cashier, Harriet.

In Chapter Three, Ellanora the insufferable drama queen encourages Oliver to ask out Rydel and then subsequently gets upset when he follows her advice. Thirteen-year-old me manages to cover an entire day in the span of six pages while still presenting absolutely no important information (which is almost impressive).

In Chapter Two, Ellanora is reeling from instant crush her best friend Oliver develops on the new girl next door, Rydel, because she has (ambiguously) always liked him too. The group spends like three pages talking about going roller skating. Ellanora writes down all of her romantic woes in letters addressed to her dead dad which she hides in the woods for some reason.

This episode kicks off a new season of My Writing Sucks! This time around, I read a YA romance I wrote when I was thirteen called Letters. Get ready for an abundance of adverbs, every cliche imaginable, and more teen melodrama than should be legal.

In Chapter Twenty-Two, Kree finally breaks her ties with the royal family and defeats Orchid in some kind of an emotional climax. Back in Canopy, Kree and Jamison share * a moment* in the trees, and the story ends on an incredibly cliff hanger that will forever be unresolved. I read an updated version of the ending I wrote in college and get really freaking emotional over how much Kree of Canopy and this podcast means to me.

In Chapter Twenty-One, things go from zero to murder real fast at Lily's ball. I'm not going to offer any other explanation than that. I talk about how to write an effective and satisfying conclusion to your story (i.e. doing the precise opposite of what fourteen year old me does in this chapter).

In Chapter Twenty (potentially the worst chapter of all), we're back to the pattern of nothing happening in the palace. Kree's older sister Lily prepares for a ball and Orchid tries on a dress--that's it. I talk about losing momentum in your plot as well as how to combine seemingly unrelated plot threads into a cohesive story.

In Chapter Nineteen, Orchid returns to the palace to fanfare and open arms. Kree, stuck inside herself, tries to ruin Orchid's life by embarrassing her when a handsome suitor comes to dinner. I talk about identifying critical plot moments and how to chose where to turn your focus in the narrative.

In Chapter Eighteen, Kree somehow manages to slay Mountus with a single stab even though an entire army from Canopy couldn't kill him. However, her trials are not over. Weak from the battle, Kree loses her inner struggle with Orchid and is overtaken. Stuck inside her own body, she she watches as Abreen and Jamison are kidnapped and she is dragged back to the palace. I talk about using emotions in your story like colors in a painting and the importance of letting your characters fail.

In Chapter Seventeen, Kree finally confronts Mountus and, instead of fighting him, receives an wildly unnecessary amount of backstory. I talk about how to build to a climax, the importance of knowing when to start over, and how to give meaningful criticism.

In Chapter Sixteen, the mood is tense as the confrontation with Mountus and Orchid grows closer. When Abreen and Jamison fall into a mysterious mountain passage, Kree chases after them, meeting two mysterious figures along the way. I commend my fourteen year old self for some decent writing in this chapter and talk about how to evoke a specific tone in your writing through descriptive language.

In Chapter Fifteen, Kree, Abreen, and Jamison learn they've been camping in the Valley of Perfection, a dangerous place of illusion and magic, and are chased away by the valley demons—a hoard of white bunnies (because, sure, why not?). I talk about how funny this scene is and what a shame it is that fourteen year old me didn't commit to a humorous story and tried to be way more serious than she could pull off.

In Chapter Fourteen, our favorite trio of overzealous fourteen year olds actually act like fourteen year olds for once and take a night off from the quest to dance by the campfire. Kree and Jamison have *a moment.* I talk about why this scene is my favorite in the entire book and setting goals for yourself in your writing (as well as my personal love of Nanowrimo).

In Chapter Thirteen, in a stroke of incredible convenience, the trio receives help escaping from a random forest imp named Quinnley who seems to know way too much about them (which is never explained because he disappears from the narrative after this). Kree has a dream about her family attending her funeral and feels suddenly conflicted about leaving them. I talk a lot about characters—from fleshing out side characters to dissecting why Abreen and Jamison are so flat—as well as my deep-seated hatred of adverbs.

In Chapter Twelve, Kree is nearly forced to marry the king of the forest imps to save Abreen and Jamison from becoming their main course at dinner, but thanks to an insane plan Kree comes up with in two seconds, the group miraculously escapes with no issue whatsoever. I talk about the bizarrely inconsistent tone of this novel, using asides effectively in your plot, and how to chose which perspective to tell your story from.

In Chapter Eleven, Kree, Abreen, and Jamison finally leave Canopy to go off on their quest to slay the dragon Mountus. All is going well for like five minutes until strange forest creatures drop down from the trees and take them hostage. I talk about the horrific magic system in this novel and how to use foreshadowing effectively (hint: don't copy fourteen year old me).

In Chapter Ten, Kree faces the (loose) consequences of dueling Jamison's father and, through another mystically unexplained dream, her grandmother shows her two glimpses of her future—one as a princess and one as a forester. I talk about how gosh dang annoying Kree is being, the importance of having characters process traumatic events, as well as how to effectively pace a story.

In Chapter Nine, our favorite trio of overzealous fourteen year olds gathers supplies for their quest, but more importantly, Kree randomly decides to dual Jamison's drunk of a father for no real reason. I talk about adding emotional complexity to your characters, running parallels, and the dangers of taking yourself and your writing too seriously.

In Chapter Eight, Kree has this bizarre dream where her dead grandmother introduces her to an alternate version of herself if she'd decided to stay at the palace and be a princess, which introduces the most convoluted and confusing subplot of the novel. I talk about my fourteen year old self's incredible ignorance and insensitivity as well as the difficultly in balancing seriousness and humor in your writing.

In Chapter Seven, Canopy recovers from the battle with Mountus and, out of absolutely nowhere, a random side character delivers a prophecy announcing that Kree is the one who is destined to slay the dragon (so, yeah, she is the Chosen One). With like three seconds of consideration, Kree, Abreen, and Jamison decide that they, a group of totally unskilled fourteen year olds, are completely qualified to undertake this quest and begin preparations. I talk about the importance of agency and motivation behind your characters and plot as well as my personal hatred of the Chosen One trope.

In Chapter Six, the plot suddenly slams on the gas pedal when the evil dragon Mountus attacks Canopy and Kree fights along side the Foresters in the battle. I talk a lot about my thoughts on Kree of Canopy as an (unintentional) feminist text, finding stillness in your writing with Hiyao Miyazaki as an example, and placing your story in context with the Great Conversation.

In Chapter Five, Kree goes through her entire first day in Canopy from dawn to dusk in the span of like an hour and a half somehow. She finally meets the other two most important characters in the book—Jamison and Abreen. Also, there are dragons in this world now, I guess (because why not?). I talk about the practical concerns of worldbuilding as well as how to write authentic dialogue and meaningful dialogue tags.

In Chapter Four (the most illogical chapter of any book I've ever read), Kree travels across the entire country in a day somehow and ends up in a forest town called Canopy where she takes part in an absurd trial to determine if she is a spy or not. I talk about time and space in fiction, introducing magic systems, and using imagery and sentence length to evoke a specific tone.

In Chapter Three, things finally start to happen! Kree's father the king decides to send her off to a finishing school for being a rebellious teenager (or whatever) and with the help of Mrs. Shelton and Ms. Hendrix, Kree runs away from the only life she's ever known in the palace. I talk about moralistic heroes and villains, combining and cutting characters, balancing a lack and overabundance of detail, and Mrs. Shelton's crime boss past.

In Chapter Two (are you ready?), not a lot happens! Kree does some unrelated things in a totally random order. I talk a whole heck of a lot about having a motivation behind your characters and your scenes as well as the importance of effective worldbuilding.

In Chapter One of Kree of Canopy, pretty much nothing happens for no reason at all. I talk about the goal of first chapters, plot and pacing, transitions, and picking one freaking tense (Oh my gosh fourteen year old me, pick one! First or third--it's not that hard!).

Get to know your host a little! I talk briefly about my writing journey from childhood to MFA. In summary, I was born, I learned to write, I wrote somethings, and then I started a podcast about writing out of boredom during quarantine. That just about catches you up on things.

"My Writing Sucks" is a podcast for writers who feel that their writing will never be good enough. So, every writer! In this podcast, I will analyze the first (awful) novel I wrote back in middle school chapter by chapter and discuss what works and what doesn't, from there drawing some lessons we can learn about craft. Everyone's past writing is cringe-inducing, but it's also important to acknowledge your past self's hard work in getting you where you are today. Be proud of yourself--past, present, and future.