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Before we get into today's episode we'd like to take a moment to pray for Damar Hamlin. We recorded this week's episode before the Bills game on Monday and everyone here at Better On Paper is keeping him in our thoughts. This week we recap week 17 around the NFL, the Titans stink, Jared Goff is good (!), and some Fantasy Football bad blood spills between Cam and TC3 (6:15). We discuss if Daniel Jones could be the Guy for New York (13:00), we reach consensus that the Cleveland Browns should be fired into the sun (24:00), TC3 drops a hot take (I'm talking Taco Bell Fire Sauce spicy) that Mike Tomlin is a better coach than Bill Belichick (37:00), The Vikings are frauds (*sad Kirk noises*), Kev gets honest with the boys, we make our week 18 picks (45:30), Cam goes on the record, we play Guess That Ticket Price (55:00), and talk College Football Playoff and the madness that is Bowl Season (57:30). --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/better-on-paper/message
He who holds the television remote controls the destiny of the room. He who controls the destiny of the room is the Room Wizard. And as we all know from seeing the steely Lord Voldemort get his ass handed to him by Harry Potter, magic is a very powerful phenomenon that only the most seasoned conjurers have license to harness. And magic is precisely what the television remote is. Now, manipulating the elements into a formidable stream of energy is nothing to be trifled with. And if you stop to think for a moment, when you clutch the television remote with your palm and fingers, you have utter authority over a mechanism that would have been unimaginable hundreds of years ago. It's sort of a magic wand. With the simple touch of a button, you control the flow of vast information that is painstakingly pieced together by countless media outlets designed specifically for the education and entertainment of the masses. You hold the oracle. That kind of power can corrupt. And be corrupted. Any ordinary wizard will be tried with temptations throughout his alchemical career. And a weak wizard can be easily seduced by the gravity of influence, and most notably the influence of a lovely temptress who's wearing a tight tank top with no bra. So needless to say, the Room Wizard, if not resolute in his directives and in complete control of his craft whilst maintaining the highest degree of unbending confidence, can fall prey to the manipulations of a particular siren. In fact, that Room Wizard will be rendered powerless upon the spells that a seductress can cast, ultimately relinquishing his supremacy right along with his dignity. Sadly, the result is a tranquilized half-self, devoid of any necromancy at all, induced by the intoxicating pheromones emitted by said enchantress. He will find himself numbed, dulled, rendered nearly lifeless while pretending to be engaged in the educational episode that she strongly suggests. Until a red-eyed Davey Dabs boastfully enters with Taco Bell Fire Sauce on his sleeve, wondering why the Fuck a documentary about turtle rescues is on the boob tube instead of the inimitable Rick and Mortie. Hundreds of years ago, if you possessed the oracle, you were respected by kings and high clergy.
Be warned, there's a lot of potty humor this week. Like, more than normal. Just a heads up. Fishstick's Top Pick Topics: In a thermonuclear bomb, there's a small detonation charge that is used to begin the chain reaction that causes the brunt of the damage. This segment was the chain reaction for the rest of this week's disaster. The crew discusses fellatio. The Brofessor's Life De-Stresser: Pillow talk is hard. We get it. Nothing kills the mood like a poorly named member, and we aim to fix that going forward. Tune in for what NOT to call it, as well as a brilliant revelation that will shape the future of bedtime banter until the end of time. Lulu's Viewer Reviews: This one technically ISN'T dirty. At least, not the same kind of dirty that plagues the rest of this week's episode. Lulu just wants to help you clean up your mouth, whilst simultaneously cleaning up the environment. Do so at your own risk. Mulch's News Garden: Picture this: you're stranded in the woods. Surrounded by snow. It's just you, your trusty dog, two packets of Taco Bell "Fire Sauce" and the great outdoors. You have to survive for five days. What do you do? Mulch breaks down how one man made this happen and lived to tell the tale. Badvertisements: Yard Buy - Meader Funky Frank's Euthanization Clinic - Matt Drew Speckled Peckers - WIDK Real Promotion:Unqualified Networks Podcast Tune in to Forrest James, Suprenant, Nate, and Carlo as they discuss everything from trending news to video games. They're hilarious and wild and we love their show. You will too! We need your submissions! Send us stuff at idunnoradio@gmail.com, and leave voicemails at (304)566-WIDK. Any featured music used by permission directly from the artist(s). All other music from the Youtube Creator library, licensed free, non-attribution.Check out our networks: Podcast NH and The Scavengers Network!
Taco Bell Fire Sauce, immortal juice, and diving deep into the emotional toll of going out. After all that, we've got actor Brandon Scott Jones (The Good Place; Isn’t It Romantic?) in the studio for an interview and game of... Elaborlove? Brandon and Matt talk about Harry Styles, One Direction, and more Harry Styles (and also other stuff like Liam Hemsworth and romantic comedies). For sosh meeds, follow Matt @mattbellassai and Bari @finkelbaripie and @unhappyhourpod (on Twitter only).
The up-and-coming North Carolina rapper joined us for our 4:20 live show, “About That Time” with Noah Rubin. On the latest episode of our 4:20 talk show About That Time on Facebook Live, our hosts with the most Noah Rubin and Kalea McNeil linked up with hip-hop up-and-comer J.K. The Reaper. After sparking an Ube-flavored “Guru Grade” joint and chopping it up about J.K.’s prodigious 2018 album release schedule (Surrounded by Idiots, Digital Tears, and Grim Shady) and his fruitful relationship with Denzel Curry, it was time for and in-depth examination of his Instagram activities on “Posted Up.” The artist shared stories about recording in the Red Bull studio in “creepy mode,” discussed album cover art, and what it means to him to be the godfather of his best friend’s son. After J.K finally agreed to take his first toke of weed in YEARS (following an unfortunate dabbing experience), it was time to “Roll The News” and discuss some of the hottest talking points in the cannabis space and beyond. Highlights include an Oregon man and his dog surviving on nothing but Taco Bell Fire Sauce while trapped in his car, Kylie Jenner becoming the youngest billionaire ever, and Bernie Sanders continuing to publicly stress the importance of cannabis reform. It wouldn’t be ATT without “Astrology Time,” so we tweaked the filter, rolled out the salt lamp, and presented J.K. with his horoscope. After consulting the stars, the Zodiac predicted that his love life is often tumultuous, that he’s attracted to glamorous types, and that he is never content to chill with good fortune.
Elon Musk's SpaceX team becomes the first commercial spacecraft to dock at the International Space Station, while new imagery from Mars confirms an ancient network of above and below-ground lakes that point to potential life in the planet's past. Listen to learn how Elon is inching closer toward the eventual goal of sacrificing humans to his Martian gods.The Colorado jogger who claimed he had killed a mountain lion that was "at least fifty pounds" actually just stomped out a baby kitten mountain lion, is a pathetic liar, and is headed straight for the Soft Corner.A man in Oregon got stuck in the snow with his dog in his 4Runner, and resorted to eating Taco Bell Fire Sauce packets to help him and the dog survive.Finally, a Lightning Round of other headlines, including the Senate likely voting to block the border emergency, deadly tornadoes in Alabama and Georgia, US/China trade deal inching closer, and another week of iTunes reviews for a chance at a Friday episode.