Better Bible

And we have arrived. This is the last book of bible. The very last one and its a doozy. You know all the bizarre stuff and the terrifying imagery? All the quotes from cult leaders and conspiracy idiots? All from this one. So let's take our time and go through it. Enjoy, thank you and goodbye.

And we have made it to the penultimate book of bible. So enjoy Jude, this angry little note from one of Jesus' siblings

the third of three letters from john

the second of three letters from john

the first of three letters from john

And the final petter from Peter. this one has my favourite line in all of bible

You can tell we are in the final section of Bible by how short these letters are. So lets get through them together. we can do it.

You know how that Jesus fella had some siblings right? Well if you didn't know he did and now you know. This is a letter from one of those! Enjoy. Also - apologies to the rich and the American evangelical christians. Is not my words! its gods.

And here we go with the Book of Hebrews. Another letter this one, and this is 100 percent defo written by a woman. I reckon.

OK dead short this one - like, offensively short, which goes nicely with the offensive chat about slavery that it has. yeah …

I thought we were done with Paul letters. What with him dying last episode. Ah well, here's a dead short one that is heroically offensive. Sorry ‘bout that.

Well, its the second letter to Timbo isn't it. And then hopefully we will never have to say the name Timothy ever again

We move away from letters to massive groups and get one written to one solitary individual. The embodiment of all Tims of the world

Back once again with the Pauline master. BB damage with the ill behaviour … etc

“Hey you there boy - what day is it?”“Today? Why its better bible day sir”“It is? Then the spirits did it all in one night”Or something. Hiya! Hope you guys are doing well. Here's your latest Paul letter. He does like to go on doesn't he.

What's that Paul? You've written another letter? WHAT A SHOCKER MATE!

Here we go with yet another Paul letter begging for money. I might start following Paul's example and end each episode saying “you don't have to pay me guys but I know good people pay me and I know you're not evil”. Think it'll work?

Another letter - this one features, would you believe, more aggression to women, more anger in general, and silly chat about amour. enjoy

This is a little one and my goodness! isn't paul an angry boy? so strap in for about 6 minutes of shouting! SORRY!

And its time for the concluding shout at the corinthians - and this one i have to warn you - gets a little bit smutty

And here we go with another great letter from the Paul fella who defo isn't an obnoxious silly sausage

Now that we're ploughed through all that silly narrative nonsense - lets get involved with one metric job load of letters from Paul to ALL OF THE WORLD ISH! and we begin with one that's a little hot and heavy! Paul chats to the Romans.

Here we go then - we're all done with those gospels but have this kinda 5th gospel ish. Basically its going “now listen to this story about the other jesus!”

And now it is time for the fourth and final gospel! That's right - the first and last time bible ever gets a bit repeaty has come to an end!

I give unto yous - the third gospel in the new testament. and ALOT happens in this one. but don't worry, i can speak quickly so we shall bang through this little sausage

And onwards to number 2 - which is of course, a tad similar to the first one. But it's shorter. and much more hectic. But enough about what i'm up to. how are you guys? any news?

We are back - and we open with one of 4 books all saying he same story. Which is a novel way to begin isn't it. Anyway, we are about to be introduced to a fellow by the name of Jesus. Never heard of him myself, but lets see what he's got about him shall we?

WHAT IN THE LIVING SHIT IS THIS! Guess who? ME! Just a little briefest of brief recap and to let you know that Better Bible 2: The New Batch will be hitting your earholes on the 30th July! That's right folks - we are getting back in amongst the weeds. So come join me for … let's be fair, more of the same. Tell the world please!

And we finally arrive. This is the final book of the Old Testament. we have read through almost 40 books - most of them have been talking about masonry or a little exile. So, admittedly … but samey. But thank you for following me on this journey of exploration - Now please be aware that anyone who knows what they're talking about is probably livid at how wrong i am in all of these episodes! But we made it. We fucking made it.

Its the penultimate one! and a big old end times prophecy before the off. We've almost done it gang. Stick with it! We can make it to the end! Just a little further

What can i say? More minor business - more angry god business. BLAH BLAH BLAH

the 9th day of minor prophets

This - the 8th day of prophets. You know how close we are to finishing all of these minor prophets? we can do this. I believe in you.

Its the seventh day of prophets - bet you can't guess what this one is going on about. Go on - have a guess.

One of the 21st century's most exuberant pop icons. Micah possesses an insouciant charm that gives his classically styled songs a modern edge. Born in Beirut in 1983, Michael …. what? Different one? Well here's this then. Not as poptastic as i had thought.

Fish time! Its the fifth day of prophets and we're gonna get eaten all up by a massive fish!

Check it right, on this, the fourth day of prophets - we have come to the shortest book in all of bible! Seriously, this little note is almost longer than the book.

On the third day of prophets my Greggy gave to me … 1 book of Hosea, then a Jo-el and now is another whiney one

On the second day of prophets my Greggy gave to me - another one saying the same thing!

Here we begin. This is the first of the 12 minor prophets. Each of these following 12 episodes will be super short so, as a treat, we are going to have one a day. So lets start with the first day of prophets!

We come to Daniel - the last of the major prophets and this is a weird and bleak fucker. But we do have that kitten we were waiting for!

Ok peoples. its the penultimate major prophet and this one is all about pulp fiction or something

This is a little short poetry break for you all. And basically, everything sad. its a bleak start to your Sunday, but just make sure you listen and then go have a hug.

Behold! More prophets really milking a simple point. Fucking Jeremiah

See you later Wisdom - Hello Major Prophets!

Lets finish off the books of wisdom in style - so once more i turn to the phenomenal talent of Ian Bowkett to knock up a sexy little tune for you all. Please sit back and enjoy the Psalm Song

Here we go - lets get involve with some good old fashioned smut. i've kept this episode short to make sure you don't embarrass yourself in public. Goodness me its mucky! Dirty Bible, in your basket!

I mean … I can only apologise for the bleakness of this one. This book is goth as fuck. Good luck everyone.

Look here - we are deep inside the books of wisdom at the moment, and excuse me as i leap right over psalms - we'll get to that worry not! But for now, lets check in with Solomon and see what all that wisdom he received actually was. Surely it won't simply be all about domestic violence?

We are onto the books of WISDOM y'all! And what wise things do we start with? the valuable lesson that bullying is justifiable so long as there definitely isn't a moral you're trying to prove.

We did it! no more narrative section!