Distinctly Average Radio

In a strange and mysterious land (England), somebody tries to buy a gravy boat.

It's been a long hot summer and the populace of Swanage are ready to sing in their annual summer fete, but beneath the sands a sinister evil is beginning to stir… What strange fate brings Chaps, Dervish and Bod together once more? What treasure has the Swanage Local Council recovered from the English Channel? What exactly is the best way to move a fridge freezer? Wrap up warm as all is revealed in this new, feature length audio thriller that'll make sure you never visit the English seaside again!

After minutes of dedicated research, Distinctly Average Radio are proud to present the future of audio drama! Writer: ChatGPT Cast: Natural Readers Music: Aiva.AI Art: DALL-E Editing: A Human Male

Things are looking a bit flat for (former) Cola-Corp Corpa-Colleague Buck, who's slipped off the Corporation ladder and into the dank embrace of a franchised saccharine mine. Every can has an aluminum lining however and it's not long before he finds himself a new home amongst the mining population, even if there are mutterings of industrial action on the horizon…

The cans been pulled and it's gotten a bit frothed up for the Fallen Corpa-Children! Slapped awake beside a subterranean lake our adventure continues...

Grab your legs and rest your ham and cheese baguette, it's time for the latest instalment of Man on Film with Geoffrey Jones, brought to you by Geoffrey Jones Productions!* *(a Geoffrey Jones Company) Man on Film is part of Going Outside, a five-part anthology of short plays about… going outside! Author: Pearce Brannigan Cast: Joe Albanese Art: August Charters “Awake” by scottholmesmusic.com “Positive Energy” by scottholmesmusic.com Sanctus/Benedictus by Dee Yan-Key is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 Forlorn City by Dee Yan-Key is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 4.0

In a world long decayed, a lone radio station broadcasts ancient tapes from the past out into the wilderness… and occasionally some adverts. The Harvest Festival is part of Going Outside, a five-part anthology of short plays about… going outside! Author: Joe Albanese Cast: Tom Pullen, Ewa Ladkowksa and Joe Raczka Art: August Charters 01047 brass orchestra marching in.wav by Robinhood76 is licensed under CC BY-NC 3.0

As the desolation of Boolock-69 fades, a cadre of wizards are convened to discuss their return to work. The New Abnormal is part of Going Outside, a five-part anthology of short plays about… going outside! Author: Joe Askew Cast: Joe Raczka, Joe Askew, Tom Pullen and Chloe Couper

Normality resumed and people went back to their lives. But was it really the best option? The Last Man Leave the Cave is part of Going Outside, a five-part anthology of short plays about… going outside! Author: Joe Raczka Cast: Daniel Abbott Art: August Charters

After leveling parts of Wolverhampton with a horrifying death ray, a scientific genius is locked-away and tasked with the creation of new weapons of terror. Unfortunately, they quite enjoy the peace. Hermit and The Ray is part of Going Outside, a five-part anthology of short plays about… going outside! Author: Chloe Couper Cast: Chloe Couper, Beth Brown, Pearce Brannigan and Marc Quinn Art: August Charters

A five-part anthology of short plays about… going outside!

When a desperate dame wanders into Dick Richards' office, bulging about the purse and bemoaning a missing husband, it seems lady luck may have finally thrust a few crumpled euros his way. What follows, however, is a troubling investigation into the dankest corners of Grimsby that will force Dick to confront a past he'd long tried to erase (or simply forgotten... it's not really clear). Crime! Turkey Twizzlers! Lovingly rendered foley of a laminated menu being flipped repeatedly in indecision! All this and more in a light-hearted, full-cast noir romp! She Only Drank Pinot (A Noir) wouldn't exist without the voices of Joseph Albanese, Lydia Benson, Chloe Couper, Jozef Raczka, Tom Pullen, Rhiannon Morgan and art by the mystical August Charters.

When a desperate dame wanders into Dick Richards' office, bulging about the purse and bemoaning a missing husband, it seems lady luck may have finally thrust a few crumpled euros his way. What follows, however, is a troubling investigation into the dankest corners of Grimsby that will force Dick to confront a past he'd long tried to erase (or simply forgotten... it's not really clear). Crime! Turkey Twizzlers! Lovingly rendered foley of a laminated menu being flipped repeatedly in indecision! All this and more in a light-hearted, full-cast noir romp! She Only Drank Pinot (A Noir) wouldn't exist without the voices of Joseph Albanese, Lydia Benson, Chloe Couper, Jozef Raczka, Tom Pullen, Rhiannon Morgan and art by the mystical August Charters.

Strange things happen in the Midlands, like the discovery of ancient cubes possessed by lesser demons with an aversion to bubblegum. CUBED is a vaguely halloween-themed one-off inspired by true events, featuring indecent volumes of joss sticks and one very affordable exorcist! This recording is ushered forth from the void with the voices of Joe Albanese, Beth Brown, Chloe Couper, Tom Pullen and Rhiannon Morgan as well art conjured by the possibly-haunted Heather Charters.

Cola-Corp Corpa-Colleague Buck, fresh from being kidnapped by the soda criminal Johnny Fantango, has been bumped across to the Corporation's Propaganda Division to represent Cola-Corp at an upcoming conference. What could possibly go wrong? At Great Expense 2 is a remarkably daft, full-cast floric with terrible cocktails, one heavily pregnant goat and a whole bunch of surprisingly detailed maps. At Great Expense simply wouldn't exist without the voices of Joseph Albanese, Joe Askew, Chloe Couper, Jozef Raczka, Tom Pullen, Rhiannon Morgan and art by the fizzingly good Heather Charters.

At Great Expense 2 flops on to the internet on May 1st... but what actually happened in part 1?

What does it take to make a man - is it purpose, cosmic-chance or just a spot of patience and enough pork pies? Find out in this horror-themed short with Chloe Couper, Joe Askew and art by Heather Charters. Man Child is a change of pace from our usual absurd outings, an atmospheric, slightly-spooky tale for this Halloween season!

"A tear sloped across her cheek, clear and acidic as white cider, pausing mutely for a moment on the gentle curve of her chin before throwing itself groundwards with sorrowful intent. The wet driplet burst upon his exposed chest, rigid with defined musculature and the creeping shadow of rigor-mortis. Chad Bullet, she whispered into the softly falling snow, I loved you..." Icy terrors are creeping across the Ross Ice Shelf, and Chaps McChinsky's fridge freezer has gone missing. There may be an Antarctic wasteland to conquer, an insidious quest for a better kind of chicken to unfurl and one very weak-willed penguin to best... but Chaps' isn't the kind of man to leave a fridge behind. Deep Freeze is a new, feature length audio romp inspired by 80's machismo, 90's horror games and evergreen cheese!

‘For Sergeant Macklemore Smith of the Humberside Police, Grimsby Special Division, justice is a warm gun and half a pork pie. When a dangerous new drug starts to the streets it’s up to him and his enthusiastic protégé Rory to mop up crimes’ gubbins. “Crime’s a lot like Glenn Close… she just don’t quit” Frankly appalling accents, knock-off keyboards and low-quality midis all meet in a Grimsby so visceral and chilling - so coldly real – that Hollywood ripped it off. Rory and Macklemore is a free, three-part series coming straight for your earholes starring Chloe Couper, Joe Albanese, Rhiannon Caitlin Morgan, Tom Pullen, Joe Raczka, Elizabeth Alice, Marc Quinn, Pearce Brannigan and art by the prodigious Heather Charters.

‘For Sergeant Macklemore Smith of the Humberside Police, Grimsby Special Division, justice is a warm gun and half a pork pie. When a dangerous new drug starts to the streets it’s up to him and his enthusiastic protégé Rory to mop up crimes’ gubbins. “Crime’s a lot like Glenn Close… she just don’t quit” Frankly appalling accents, knock-off keyboards and low-quality midis all meet in a Grimsby so visceral and chilling - so coldly real – that Hollywood ripped it off. Rory and Macklemore is a free, three-part series coming straight for your earholes starring Chloe Couper, Joe Albanese, Rhiannon Caitlin Morgan, Tom Pullen, Joe Raczka, Elizabeth Alice, Marc Quinn, Pearce Brannigan and art by the prodigious Heather Charters

‘For Sergeant Macklemore Smith of the Humberside Police, Grimsby Special Division, justice is a warm gun and half a pork pie. When a dangerous new drug starts to the streets it’s up to him and his enthusiastic protégé Rory to mop up crimes’ gubbins. “Crime’s a lot like Glenn Close… she just don’t quit” Frankly appalling accents, knock-off keyboards and low-quality midis all meet in a Grimsby so visceral and chilling - so coldly real – that Hollywood ripped it off. Rory and Macklemore is a free, three-part series coming straight for your earholes starring Chloe Couper, Joe Albanese, Rhiannon Caitlin Morgan, Tom Pullen, Joe Raczka, Elizabeth Alice, Marc Quinn, Pearce Brannigan and art by the prodigious Heather Charters

Fizzy pop is big business, especially for Cola-Corp Corpa-Colleagues like Buck. Living the carbonated 9-5pm (inc. 15 minute unpaid sustenance break) means the occasional trip off-world to visit a promising new supplier isn’t completely out of the ordinary – although they don’t always include kidnapping, a poorly communicated secondment and an expenses policy that’s a real pain in the neck. At Great Expense is a frothy romp starring Tom Pullen, Chloe Couper, Joe Albanese, Rhiannon Morgan and Joe Askew with Art by Heather Charters.