Loud Mouth Soup

There's nothing all that metaphorical about the title of this podcast. It's quite literal, Dan drank and Matt answered some questions. However, as I'm thinking about it, that title could be relevant to nearly every other podcast Matt and Dan have published. And the subject matter isn't all that different either. Dan pontificates on regrets and Matt points out what an idiot Dan is. As I'm writing this, it's becoming all to obvious, Matt and Dan need to find new friends. Well, that's not likely to happen. If you've listened before, Matt and Dan are awful people that no one actually wants to love. They're simply there and have to be dealt with. So why are you listening to this podcast? If I had to guess, your probably thinking, thank God I'm not friends with these idiots. Especially that Dan guy! How are these guys friends and why am I writing for their crap podcast. They don't even pay me! I so hope they die soon. Die you bastards!

Matt and Dan love women! Matt personally knows the woman who birthed him and Dan is pretty sure a woman birthed him. Both are grateful for that miraculous mistake and painful regret. With that said they also believe women are all capable of amazing things and can hold jobs and positions of power just like men. Women should earn equal pay (as they do, just look into it) and be respected in the arena of ideas and thought. The only caveat is, Matt and Dan believe women should do this from the comfort of their homes and not in the actual workplace. Let's listen in as Matt and Dan take a time machine back to the 1950's when men wore slacks and women weren't whores...except the ones that were.

Hey it's April! And just as Matt and Dan promised, they have procrastinated three entire months. What has happened to Matt and Dan in three months? Little too nothing, but everyone around them is either dead or dying. Nothing beats Matt's muffin story and it clearly weighs on Dan and he tries to be interesting. He fails awfully and I mean it's cringe worthy. Hey Dan, read a book or something! Listen in as Matt tries to steer this ship from total ruin.

Matt and Dan end up requiring a second part to their amazing night to wrap up 2017. Matt gets to bloviating on about his swollen prostate and Dan gets to bloviating on about massaging his prostate. Don't worry, there's plenty of asshole uncle stories, regret, melancholy and a toilet full of blueberry muffin. Let's wring in the new year with Matt, Dan and Darrell.....seven days into January. At least it isn't March.

Our hero's gather after a long year of battle and bratwurst to reminisce on a year spent hoping they could do better than the year before. Fortunately Matt and Dan have awful memories and naively lunge head long into 2018 like a blind man jumping into an empty pool. We can only imagine what they will accomplish and potentially need lanced. Listen in as 2018 brings hope to our unsuspecting ne'er-do-well's. If they only knew. 

When two men can freely speak to one another about life and love, they have reached heights most men can't speak of. Now when two men can do this in the nude and even shed a few tears, then they have reached a peak that can only be experienced in the here after. Well Matt and Dan have died and gone to a double wide trailer. Is that hell?  Anyway, Matt and Dan pontificate on a variety of things and all they ask of you is to simply imagine them naked as you listen to this amazing episode of Loud Mouth Soup. Matt and Dan appreciate it. Listen and Enjoy!

Ah women, the fairer sex. Not to mention they have boobs. That's pretty much all I know. They all have a few things in common. For one they tend to get a sour look on their face when I stare at them in Walmart. They also walk hurriedly away as I walk towards them in poorly lit parking lots. Other than that they all have boobs, well at least the good ones do. Listen in as Matt and Dan communicate with a girl. Trust me, it's incredibly awkward.

So as we all know, the world is going to hell in a hand basket. We can primarily thank the previous generation for our current mess and look to the next generation to really flush it down the shitter. Matt and Dan's generation has been largely ignored and has been considered the "forgotten man" of the 21st century. That's all clearly spelled out in an Ayn Rand novel or something. Matt, Dan and their guest Eric explore the current generations total lack of creativity and incredibly poor grammar.

In our latest episode of Loud Mouth Soup, Matt and Dan engage in an epic adventure through time and thought. The quest tests their steely fortitude and forces them to make life altering decisions. With peace in the balance and the ever present realization of life and death at the tips of their fingers, Matt and Dan can only come to one conclusion. Ice cream is good. Brace yourself for this and many more pontifications as Matt and Dan explore a variety of dairy based metaphors.

Welcome back! In this episode Matt and Dan dive into the many intricacies of human personality, but don't worry, there's at least a good five minutes of poop talk. So wipe away the tears and let's look down the barrel of this episode and pull the trigger.

So, have you ever sat down and thought? I'm gonna make me a podcast. But you also thought, I kind of want to make a sandwich. You end up making the podcast and four hours later you wish you had made a sandwich. So you cry yourself to sleep and wonder why you were born. Well, Matt and Dan should have made sandwiches. And "making sandwiches" isn't a metaphor for making tranny porn. Matt and Dan like sandwiches and they should have made sandwiches, something with swiss maybe. Go make a sandwich and prepare to enjoy it far more than listening to this podcast. 

We're back again! Next week we'll be just here. Are we here though? And that's the extent of my existential perspective. Regardless of our pointless lives and this pointless podcast, Matt and Dan are here to entertain themselves and your opinion is existential diarrhea. I should probably do more research on existentialism. Please partake and enjoy a podcast that will have no affect to anyone on any timeline that is possibly conceivable in an infinite number of universes. 

Well, we are back! After a most unnecessary hiatus, Matt and Dan reunite in a trailer in the woods. The hiatus hasn't been a complete waste, Matt is a Mormon now and Dan has Amazon Prime. Join us for a rousing start to 2017!

Today's secret word is "Mutual Destruction". Well the votes are in and this podcast is a miserable failure. Matt and Dan sit down and regress and pontificate on the future and its magnificent possibilities for everyone except them. The question remains, when will this podcast take its own life and be dragged off into the woods by the coyotes? Enjoy!

Today's secret word is "corn starch". Matt's 40 everyone! Dan's drunk and we went to ITT! Matt turned 40 a good two weeks ago but we didn't want to post this until we knew he would live a few days past his 40th birthday. Last time I heard he's still with us and on the road to success and making a cool $19k his first year at his new job. Thanks for listening!

Today's secret word is "black mold". We start off the podcast with an incredibly vague description of an object we don't care to let the audience in on and then we dive into porn and the plight of the mentally handicapped. We really should take notes on our shows for future reference. This show brought to you by ADHD.

What inspires you? A beautiful sunset, a piece of art or a fine literary read? Well, here at Loud Mouth Soup, we're inspired by your failures. There's just so much inspiration out there anymore. Here in middle America, inspiration just spills out of every hole,Walmart and evangelical gathering place. When you fail we feel good about ourselves. What does this have to do with our current episode? Not a damn thing! Listen in dummies and be inspired.

Hide your women and children people! The monkeys are coming! Matter of fact I've got one pointing a gun at my head as we speak. These poo flingers can't be trusted but they're just so damn cute. Sure, we hear stories everyday about monkey on human crime but what about monkey on monkey crime? Damn left wing media! Matt and Dan will keep you abreast on these riveting and relevant issues with another episode of Loud Mouth Soup.

Are you thinking about being a dad or do you just intend on adding another illegitimate bastard to our ever dwindling society? Well, Matt and Dan don't care. They've both come to terms with the fact that their DNA will come to an end with their deaths. If only their fathers had the same premonition, Matt and Dan would be much happier right now. 

So to commemorate Father's Day, Matt and Dan complain about their dads. Keep in mind, when you're a dick of a dad your kids grow up to lead pointless mundane lives.

It's getting hot and the porch is starting to stink. Listen in as Matt and Dan discuss the issues and topics that are important to you and your pervert uncle.

We found some old episodes from Nothing To Look Forward To, our old podcast. We recorded this a good four years ago and several people have died since. Chew on that! Oh the regrets! Let's stew in our disappointments and have a listen from the way back. Enjoy!

Oh boy, here we go killing again! We keep making these podcasts like someone is listening. Listen again as Matt and Dan tear each others meaningless lives apart in episode 3.

Our friendship survived episode 1, so we'll see if some bridges can be burned in episode 2. Have a listen and indulge in the epiphanies that will haunt your tiny minds.You'll also find us on iTunes and checkout the app Podcast Addict on Android.

Oh man this first episode is almost good. Touch that title link and have a listen!You'll also find us on iTunes and checkout the app Podcast Addict on Android.