Lousy San Francisco Podcast Season 2.2 - SKMorton.com

This episode is the season finale; Lousypalooza! Awarded the 2016 Readers Choice for Best off-the-wall experience in San Francisco by 7x7 Magazine, this week is the culmination of all the mildly exerted work that SK and his staff of miscreants have been absorbed in over the last year (All twenty-nine weeks of it). After what could be termed anything but a summary of upcoming events for the summer, we welcomed a large, albeit lost, audience as well as a couple of aberrationally entertaining guests. After SK and Pete lull all present into a false sense of amusement, 5-time NBA champion Bill Cartwright arrives to discuss his Alma Mater, USF, while also taking time to talk eats, Phil Jackson's hair and Pat Ewing's lip, Pete's upcoming rap album, and corporal punishment in the land of the rising sun. Then we get a set from local comic, Dave West, who reluctantly interacts with SK afterward and then helps Babette with her list of demands. And for those kids who love to rock & roll, our musical guests were Pete Feliciano and Lizzie Karr. So now! He's Mr. San Francisco (In that his mail goes to general delivery), SK Morton!

The first course exhibits all of the ingredients necessary for a truly bland evening: a series of guest cancellations; half-baked Groundling auditions; bodily shame euphemisms; and a series of rants against 7x7 magazine. (Which - now that we're in the future - will be consummately repealed in a forthcoming episode) Next comes the crudities. We wander around the topic of Burning Man and Fly Ranch while Babette regales all with a short story about hot sauce as a self defense. Pete confesses to a transgression from his younger days. And Lizzie comes to the defense of paganism. After an amuse-bouche of Bridal Fitness Coach and Mike's Surf School we arrive at the main course: ASK BABETTE. We start with a simple question (What would Babette change about SK?) It starts with talk about excess hair (Head and nose), mouse infestations, punctuality, OCD, and ends with - as is often our want - potty talk. The podcast was rare this week in that it was no where near well done.

This week we concentrate on one of the largest variables in the life of a San Franciscan: Costume acquisition. Fortunately for all concerned, that part got cut out and we focused on our public transportation system - catigorically, the Municipal Transportation Agency known as MUNI, and specifically, our beloved cable cars (Parenthetically, cable car driver Franky Givens). We start with some transportation-centric updates including MUNI heritage weekend on September 24th & 25th; we talk about the numbered days of our beloved tear-off bus transfers; and we read an unsolicited email touting the greatness of SK (Thanks Mom). We eventually get around to interviewing Franky "Cable Car" Givens and learning about the dark and seedy underbelly of America's only mobile national landmark. He explains the workings of the brakes and cable grip, the bell ringing and the money collecting, and, most importantly, the secret joy of sending tourists home with PTHD. So if you want to learn about our plucky little cable cars that climb halfway to the stars tune in to Sparkletack. If you want to kill an hour with marginally entertaining SF transportation stories, we still can't help you.

It was fairly easy for SK to keep the Lousy Podcast moving along this week. His guest Clowette Williams had no shortage of energy or opinions when it came to the weekly updates. While unfamiliar with 1981’s feel good movie of the year, Mommy Dearest, she was well versed in antique cadaver cognomination and SVU. Additionally she announced plans to run for office on the freedom of departed disposal platform. Co-host, Babette was also engaged in the subjects of tombstone recycling and native American squatting rights. After a bold new version of the Bridal Fitness Coach commercial, Clowette is interviewed about her early life, her time in her high school drum line, her belief that Stevie Wonder was a founding member of Maroon 5, and her new children’s book series, Tissy Rose. Her three oldest daughters also get in on the act and describe it with a quick interview about their YouTube series, Sweet Fridays. Before closing, the whole gang discusses diversity – or lack thereof – in San Francisco, the profit/loss of Candlestick Park & its deadbeat tenants (the Forty-niners), and a hush falls upon the bomb shelter with an Ellis-acting of the Warriors. When all is said and done, Clowette has. And SK will just have to be content to cut it out.

Among such internet diversions as kick-starter campaigns, movement challenges (Referring to ice buckets and not constipation), and kitten videos, one will also encounter an infinite amount of podcasts, each with its own agenda (All are eagerly pursuing fame, but each one makes it their own). This is where SK Morton's Lousy San Francisco Podcast sets itself apart. For it is wholly the vehicle by whitch SK had hoped to lure his unsuspecting mentor, Daniel Bacon, to the bomb shelter. And O summer's day, see where his dutch uncle comes. San Francisco's renowned historian, "Big Pappa", did indeed attend and regale the Throng with tales of near vandalism, seats near the stage at the SF Jazz Center and nearly avoided being sucked into a bridal fitness commercial. Of course it is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a podcast host without accepting him and Mr. Bacon delivered with aplomb as he gave in-depth as well as interesting insights into his new novel, "Frisco". He covers the history of San Francisco's general strike in 1934; locations in the book that can still be seen today (Such as the Arch Bishop's mansion, Julius' Castle, and Coit Tower); and even explains the title as he describes the City's own type of accent. The final arena is an engaging discussion about the Barbary Coast Trail, of which Daniel Bacon is the founder. And when SK saw the breadth of his domain, he wept, for there were no more worlds to conquer.

The first barren success of SK's venture into internet chatter led to a string of semi-sub-occasional, not un-presentable content. This week's 2nd installment of his two-part "The TalkingJay" is just such a fruitless effort. With a more in depth discussion of music with Ric "Mightybone" Feliciano for this episode, SK delicately introduces the Throng to the concept of not-shutting-up-enoughism as he deftly transitions from Feliciano's nickname, to his first years with the trombone, to a vocabulary lesson, to (And let's face it, the only music SK really wants to talk about) Billy Joel. Along the way, Pete and the show's other musical guest, Onewerd, find a way to keep SK on topic enough to talk about 2 of Mightybone's bands, Broken English and the Latin Rythm Boys. They even spend some time talking about the night's supposed theme: Local music venues such as the Honey Hive, Cigar Bar, the Turf Club, and the Boom Boom Room. If it turns out that this is the episode SK finally breaks his podcast, Mightybone and OneWerd provide a decent reminder of what made it so famous for so few.

The idea that some podcasts can be contained in just a few minutes (or even an hour) might be accepted in some circles, but to the Throng - well versed in SK's long tirades about bananas in fruit salad or pineapple on pizza - often wishes SK would subscribe to that philosophy. Instead, this week, he doubles down and gives us a two-parter. To be fair, it would be difficult for anyone to contain the interviews of this week's two guests: Mightybone Feliciano and Onewerd. It might have been possible had the gang not taken time to cover such material issues as Yam flavored ice cream, roller derby and the sleep bus. But hey, his palms were sweaty, his arms were heavy, had vomit on his sweater already, mom's spegetti. The saving grace? a little freestyle from Onewerd. So if a two-part podcast sounds a little wearisome just loose yourself in the music.

Such is the deluded conviction that listeners have found to be the hallmark of the Lousy San Francisco Podcast. Not content with merely functioning as a banal and tiresome exercise in self-promotion, SK finds a way to use this ill-advised affair to blame his staff, as well as his audience members, for the lack of interesting content and then proceeds to name drop his brushes with celebrity including OJ Simpson, Bill Burr, Paul Riser, Ester Rolle, and George Lucas. Not to be outdone, Babette regales the Throng with stories of her encounters with Anderson Cooper, Gavin Newsom, Jerry Brown, Earl Campbell, and Whitman "Grady" Mayo. While, hopelessly outdone, Suzy L delivers the crowning blow with a story of her rendezvous with Queen Oprah. (Pete's met some people too but all of his stories end with an injection of penicillin) Plans for upcoming failures are also discussed and it's decided that SK and Pete should adopt new identities and try to make a living with no-repeat work days and traffic and weather on the nines. Still interested? How 'bout a Fresca?

There's nothing particularly new in this week's episode except that it took more people to destroy it. In addition to appearances by Babette, Carissa Z, and Rebel, we welcomed back into the bomb shelter DHB (The former guest co-host who threatened to blow up the entire concept of a lousy podcast with his impeccable comedic timing, rapier wit, and suicide vest) and, all the way from the corporate office in Hayward, Shantwon triumphantly returns and then promptly trips over a dining rat. The grievances raised by Louella Parsons about this week's show within a show are well-founded. SK's version of an old timey radio play - "StealthCat" - can sometimes be entertaining (In that only 6 of 10 polled preferred a "poke in the eye"); sometimes educational (But not in a good way); and sometimes inaudible (Which can be a nice break). In addition to some San Francisco history worked in to the dialogue about city parking meters, Shanghaiing, Fior d' Italia, and the Dog Patch listeners are also treated to absolutely nothing else. So tune in next week for another pursuit in exhibitionism. Same lousy time. Same Lousy Podcast.