Table For One Dumb Boy

this is the very first premium episode for our patreon subscribers! congrats! and thank you! in this episode me and Dorian go off on some motherfuckers because we can. when you're behind a paywall you're safe. so you guys get to hear all the exclusive roasting of people we can't stand.

this week me and Dorian go in on a comic that describes herself as a "life coach" and steamrolls other comedians because of their insecurities.

this is my favorite episode I've done with Dorian

sorry for the tardiness i fucked up big time but i guess technically it's on time and not early as promised. i'll make it up to you somehow.

me and Dorian watched Loqueesha. A true masterpiece.

UCB is a pyramid scheme. For the price of a class at UCB I will train you not to be a wimp in comedy and be a badass that smokes and listens to The Anthony Cumia show. Improv is for losers.

we get real deep on this one. it's less of a podcast and more of a free therapy session for me where I found out the source of my anxiety that years of shrinks couldn't do. give me a degree, I've earned it. thank you.

we talk child sex trafficking in this one folks. no easy way around it.

after an entire day of trying to figure out what exactly was wrong with Levelator to fix the audio, I finally did it. and I hope this episode is worth all the trouble and the whole night of sleep I didn't get. I'm going to bed now. enjoy.

I recorded this as sort of a way to make me feel a little better. it's a quick one and it's just me kind of thinking out loud. trying to make some sense of things. I will be back and funny again with Dorian and Wade next week, I promise. was just experimenting with this as a bonus for the patreon subscribers. I love you guys for real and hope you stick with me while I figure out my mental health situation and make some sense of this wild ride.

me and Dorian forgot Intervention was an option as something to watch after months of not watching it. I love Intervention.

this is something I recorded and threw together as a bonus bonus if you will. it's not the weekly bonus episode that comes out tomorrow, this is a bonus bonus.

after a few unsuccessful takes me and Dorian are back at it with a PREMIUM episode all about joke thieves, the righteous gemstones and the genius that is Danny Mcbride and Jody Hill, episodes of Intervention that literally make me gag, and losers that wait in line for a chicken sandwich made by an ex con.

this week me and Dorian sat down and watched Christopher Titus' film Special Unit. although I respect Titus as a comic, this movie sucks a fat dick. it sucks so bad we couldn't even get one whole hour out of shitting on it so instead we shit on each other for the last half and decide that we let the listeners now.

this week I just go through and break down every movie of 2019 I have seen. don't worry, it's not a lot of them.

I'm cancelled

me and Dorian watch and provide commentary for Slumber Party Massacre 2. a very bad movie starring the lady from the show Wings. watch along with us.

the bitch and the dumb boy are back. gotta lot of catching up to do since the hiatus.

31 days of horror? yeah, I think I get enough of that watching the NEWS about our PRESIDENT

here's an episode we unlocked for xmas. it's from october and me and Dorian just got back from NYC. enjoy!

the hobbyists are back after 2 years! we cover the Raw reunion, crazy cazboys, and trying to book Buff Bagwell. a whole lotta fun.

this week I'm joined by my good pals Terry Thomas, Hallie Tarpley, and Geo Perez from New York to discuss some funny comedy circuit stories from a few years back including a comedy competition where Southern Mama judged and then Terry tells a funny story about hosting at a club and an open micer bringing an "agent" with him. then the discussion goes into the whole Michael Jackson documentary thing and gets really... interesting. this was such a fun episode and I hope you guys enjoy it. and if you wanna support the podcast go pitch in $5 to the Patreon: patreon.com/tableforonedumbboy

this week I'm joined by Robbie Goodwin from New York City. we have a great conversation but I goofed and knocked something loose with my mic and as a result mine shorts out every now and then. but I thought the conversation was just too damn good to not put out. my apologies but I think that you will enjoy it nonetheless. and while you're at it, check out Robbie's podcast Group Chat wherever you get podcasts. music from this episode: Aesop Rock and Tobacco-corn maze Andrew WK-i love NYC also, if you'd like to help out and hear bonus episodes and see tons of bonus content, please subscribe to the Patreon: patreon.com/tableforonedumbboy

we talk a lot about the GOAT Chris Hansen and his various shows where he catches pedophiles. wow. fascinating stuff.

this week I'm joined by Ian Brooken aka Fathom. he is always a good hang and a great chat. we cover it all guys. music from this episode: Stud Cole-feels good Danny Brown-downward spiral also if you enjoy the show and wanna help support it, consider throwing 5 dollars our way over at our Patreon. patreon.com/tableforonedumbboy

this week I'm joined by Peter Davenport to discuss how underwhelming the new Tool album is and my feud with Cazboy that has become a full on social media ordeal. if you wanna hear more bonus episodes and see exclusive content unlocked go over to my Patreon and pledge 5 dollars a month to help out: patreon.com/tableforonedumbboy music from this episode: Charles Mingus-opus 4 Aphex Twin -fingerbib

this week I explain to Dorian what a very real disease I diagnosed for some people is called Twitter Brain Rot. we also talk about how the Atlanta based comic that steals jokes got me too'd, people that wear jeans to the gym, how crowdfunding creative projects will wipe out television networks eventually and how that's a good thing, and much more. if you enjoy what we are doing, consider donating 5 bucks a month to our Patreon. we put up video content and an extra bonus episode every week. patreon.com/tableforonedumbboy music from this episode: Ty Segall-the bag I'm in Tad-wired god

crazy cazboys goes into the roaster again. it's time for a full on war with these assholes.

we seriously don't talk about the Epstein thing a whole lot on this one. we really just improv most of the episode. yep, Matt Besser taught us how to do it and for only my entire life savings and I had to give him both of our car titles. I'm excited to be welcomed into the UCB fold finally. music from this episode: amon duul ii-jailhouse frog

we cover a lot on this one. is it a sing that I'm in a weird place if I start talking about finding God? well, this episode is weird then. if you would like to hear bonus content like bonus episodes and video content go on over to our Patreon and donate 5 bucks a month. it helps us pay the hosting fee and throws a little our way as well to help out with bills and whatnot. we love doing the show and this can help us potentially do it full time and if we can achieve that then we can put out content multiple times a week. patreon.com/tableforonedumbboy

welcome to the second episode of our premium run. if you can hear this, thank you. if you found this from it being unlocked, there are plenty more episodes you can unlock as well by donating to our Patreon: patreon.com/tableforonedumbboy

remember comedy? that was fun. go subscribe to the Patreon page to unlock bonus episodes and videos: patreon.com/tableforonedumbboy

this week I goof on St. Paul and the Broken Bones and prove I can sing country if I wanted to. Then we dive head first into the new HBO docuseries "I Love You, Now Die." music from this episode: T. Model Ford-I'm insane Richard Hell-betrayal takes two

this week I discuss some dipshit on Twitter that tricked a bunch of people into thinking he had medical debt and used the Venmo donations to buy his ex girlfriend sneakers. then I talk about the grift that is stand up comedy classes and give some actual advice you could use for free so you don't have to pay a failed comic to teach you how to be an open micer. music from this episode: los boys-angie super mario bros. 3-castle theme castlevania IV simon's theme

the bad boys are back. no ones safe in this episode. we browse the stand up comedy selection on Netflix and shit on most of it. music in this episode: Weezer-susanne Aphex Twin-produk 29(101)

I felt like the last episode kinda sucked so I put this out to make up for it. patreon.com/tableforonedumbboy music from this episode: the cardigans-carnival

I was in a foul mood the first half of this one and am super angry and it shows. I snap on Dorian and then talk about how Regions Bank completely fucked me and also the Patreon subscribers as well. Then I go public about some comics that suck again. They're successful and will never hear this though so I'm a coward. You gotta subscribe to the Patreon to hear the open mic level shade. and please guys, if you haven't already, subscribe to our Patreon so we can eventually do this full time. we love doing this and if we could do it full time we could make more episodes weekly. if you subscribe now you get a bonus episode weekly and we talk so much shit and hold back less than we do on the regular episodes. so throw us 5 bucks a month and help us out at this link: patreon.com/tableforonedumbboy music from this episode: mais que nada-Sergio Mendes & Brasil '66 two tone durag-Domo Genesis

this was originally a recording for Pod Thomas Anderson that we were gonna scrap and redo with Caleb, but I liked it too much to not put it out. so the format is setup like PTA where I just talk to him about his favorite movies and filmmakers etc.

title says it all

I taught Dorian what stolen valor is this week and it was fun if you wanna support the show please go to patreon.com/tableforonedumbboy

sorry for the tardiness on this one but here it is. me and Dorian argue again and then make up. we're fighting again now. if you would like to support the podcast then it would mean the world if you would donate to our Patreon page. you'll get an extra episode each week and some other occasional bonus content. patreon.com/tableforonedumbboy

this is a little taste of the Patreon episode this week. If you would like to hear this and other bonus episodes go donate to our Patreon at the link below. we put our best into this and have so much fun doing them and we think you'll get your money's worth. it goes a long way. patreon.com/tableforonedumbboy

this week I start out angry as all hell right out the gate after getting in a heated argument via e-mail with the DMV then me and Dorian dive head first into the whole Tropicaleo debacle. if you listen to the show and enjoy it and wanna support it please donate to the patreon at the link below. it goes towards this ridiculous hosting fee I pay monthly: patreon.com/tableforonedumbboy

this week I'm joined again by my dear friend Rivers Langley. we discuss alabama gym culture vs. LA gym culture and terrible open micers. and then Rivers tells a story of a disgraced comedian we all are familiar with. go subscribe to the patreon for bonus episodes every week: patreon.com/tableforonedumbboy

Dorian wasn't feeling well this week so I brought in the original dawg himself, Wade. We discuss basically just shitbirds we knew from high school we have had the misfortune of running into again and how awesome Steven Seagal really is. He can kick anyone's ass. We kinda talk about working out and the NBA playoffs a little bit too. Mainly just to discuss gambling on it. We're bonafide fucking hustlers now and we demand to be taken seriously. I'm good at black jack. please donate to the Patreon if you're a fan of the show. It really goes a long way in helping pay for the equipment and hosting fees. I also am gonna need a new laptop soon I can barely get the episodes out with the one I have now. I perform magic basically every week making it happen, so please, donate to the Patreon below and you get access to bonus episodes as well: patreon.com/tableforonedumbboy

Sonic on Valley sucks and me and Dorian want to put an end to them. please go subscribe to our Patreon to hear our premium episodes. patreon.com/tableforonedumbboy music from this episode; Johnny Paycheck-she's all I got The White Stripes-let's build a home

we're back baby! I hope you guys like that intro song I worked really hard on! if you guys wanna support the show and hear bonus episodes go support our Patreon at the link below: https://www.patreon.com/tableforonedumbboy

today Dorian joins me to talk about a dude with horse teeth that can't read

me and Dorian are back to discuss some HOT BUTTON ISSUES. we also make a proposition for patreon pledgers(whenever we start one). please rate and review and subscribe to this podcast everywhere you listen. it's a big deal. music from this episode: Boss Hogg-winn coma Mikal Cronin-hold on me

Dorian joins me again this week to talk about that shitty Mike Jackson documentary and how R. Kelly likes having stuff shoved into his butt. music from this episode: Tyler The Creator-rusty(instrumental) Thundercat-oh sheit, it's x!

the dumb boy is back and better than ever baby! I took a 2 month hiatus and decided it's time to come back and give the people what they want. on this episode I'm joined by my girlfriend Dorian and we talk about some stuff. I don't wanna spoil it, but it's really good and I think you'll love it. music from this episode: welcome back kotter-John Sebastian yankee rose(spanish version)-David Lee Roth angry inch-Type O' Negative