The Hidden Coconuts

For this season's final episode, we are so excited to share a conversation we had with Melany Roa back in September. Melany lives in Mexico and is medical student there, sharing with us her experience as a future doctor, the impacts pop culture and social media have had on her world and her favourite holiday - el Día de los Muertos, The Day of the Dead - and this is only the tip of the iceberg. We feel like brand new people after chatting with Mel because of the insight she carries! Her moving stories allowed us to reflect deeply on love and life. It was cool to compare and contrast our differing cultures, chat about shared experiences and listen to the first-hand experience Mel went through during a massive earthquake in Mexico. TW: Earthquakes, death

In this inspiring episode, Agnibarna and Maira are joined by graduate student Emmett Mark, who recounts his involvement in politics and experiences as an activist. Emmett is a third-generation Chinese Canadian who has witnessed societal change on the large scale--through the rising social status of his family and the increasing diversity within the Parliament. He gives unique insight into political life and advises us on the importance of raising our voices. 

Content Warning: death, blood, “purity”. In the last episode for 2022, Agnibarna & Maira are joined by Namita Patel, a South African-Canadian self-proclaimed Brownie of Indian descent. Namita discusses coming to Canada during her pre-teen years, and what she has learned about marriage and arranged marriages. She is studying Psychology & Thanatology, so we were also treated with a different approach to loss and grief and how this is affected by cultural differences. Grief is an interesting concept, socially. On one hand, we are told to conceal our emotions and keep it to a minimum, yet when we bounce back and are ready to continue with life, we are judged for moving on too quickly. This is a great time to remind ourselves that grief is not a linear process. Humans like things to be simple, clear cut, but the thing is, we are anything but. Grief is not a linear process, and neither are our moods.

The majority world population, outside of the Western World, are conditioned to think of how their actions will be perceived by others before considering how they will benefit themselves. Agnibarna (and her box of cross-cultural psychology studies) share an epiphany - perhaps it is not her genetic disposition, but the way she was brought up and reinforced that led her to develop social anxiety. She and Maira explore the realms of individualistic and collectivistic cultures to conclude that one cannot understand the world through one--often Eurocentric--lens. They look into the impact their extended family back in South Asia has had on them, spilling some good ol' tea...or should we say, chai. 

Agnibarna and Maira are joined by Marwan Fatah, who immigrated to Montréal from Jeddah, Saudi Arabia at age 18 -- alone, as a student! He recounts his journey arriving to this brand new place and shares the challenges he faced along the way, like learning two new languages at once, adjusting to Canadian weather and living away from his beloved family. It was an honour, to hear your perspective and insights, Marwan!

With Paris Fashion Week having just wrapped up, we remembered a discussion we had during New York Fashion Week about the FIRST Bangladeshi, Transgender woman to attend… and in a saree on top of that! What a wonderful way to represent not only her authentic self to the world, but also represent the rich, beautiful Bangladeshi culture. This reminds us of our own experiences with cultural clothing growing up, and we dive into how the school system & our relationships with our parents have shaped us today.

Agnibarna and Maira are joined by Katie (she/they), a Chinese-Canadian student who recounts her past experiences surrounding gender norms, culture and the effects of nostalgia on her present-day life.

When Juliet says "What's in a name?", does that apply to us coconuts whose names are not only unique among our surroundings but exposed to mispronunciation repeatedly, stripping them of the meanings they are meant to convey? Agnibarna & Maira discuss their experiences with their South Asian names and how they've just accepted over the years that there is the white way and the right way to pronounce them. For Agnibarna, this meant dealing with people changing up the phonetics of her name to make people "comfy" (FYI don't do that) and even accepting a nickname, which has stuck with her to this day. For Maira, though an easy pronunciation, she has heard many editions, from Maria to Mara. How does the name debacle tie in with these two coconuts' ambitions of becoming exchange students, and what are some ways a coconut's fears and anxiety over travelling to a foreign place, alone, differ from that of someone from a superior race?

When's the right time to tell our parents that we don't want to follow in their footsteps? IS there a right time, or right age to reveal yourself - the version of you that feels most authentic and true, yet doesn't match your parents' and environment's expectations? And not to mention, is it worth facing the “what will people say?” notion? Agnibarna & Maira are joined by software engineering student, Mehrin Rahman, who although is enjoying her degree, envisions herself as a tattoo artist more than anything else. The catch: tattoos are a big taboo in her Bangladeshi community, opposing both their religious and cultural values. After years of keeping her passion hidden, Mehrin finally feels like she is in a good place with herself to express her goals publicly.

As back-to-school season approaches, Agnibarna and Maira share a conversation they had earlier this year, in the middle of midterms. They acknowledge that they are not in the conventional/stereotypical university programs their cultures expect of them and as a result, they've definitely gotten their share of side glances! But what actually makes a good degree, and what makes someone “intelligent”? Coconuts are often caught between a rock and a hard place; on one end they want to please their families, and on the other end, a part of society is telling them to chase their own dreams, sans background noise. Can there be a way to please both?

Maira and Agnibarna chew over the double standards between food and beauty. They contemplate healthy eating in North America compared to South Asia, as well as the absurdity of the social constructs that make being conventionally "beautiful" an unachievable dream. Topics include eating disorders, BMI, race, and a lot of psychosocial perspectives. Not to mention oils.

In the first edition of The Hidden Coconuts, Maira and Agnibarna attempt to break the ice by introducing themselves, treading on topics for later discussion, and attempting to be vulnerable. We hope you enjoy and stay tuned for more!