I Got It From the Mamas

How did you go about planning out your family? Did you want to have a big family or just a few children? How has the planning translated to now? In this episode we get into some of Erinn and Ashley's personal decisions and opinions when creating their families. Some things we talk about in this episode:* Whats the best age gap in between kids? Research says 4 years for optimal development. Why Erinn and Ashley choose the amount of kids they did? Erinn has 2 and Ashley has 1. What did we envision for our lives in regards to marriage and children? Ashley's vision changed drastically over the years and Erinn stuck to her plan!  What is a good age to start having kids? It has changed over time —  it used to be younger ages were ideal and now we see a cultural shift in waiting until we are older.  Personal Family dynamics when we were younger? Ashley was raised by a single mom, has one younger sister (2 years apart), and moved often. Erinn was raised by married parents, has one older sister (2 years apart), and lived in the same house for her entire childhood. Join us on this chat and discover some of the behind the scenes to Erinn and Ashley's lives!

We live in a very materialistic world and with that comes buying lots and lots of toys for our children (I have a problem with this too!). When thinking about toys, we want to make sure that we are engaging our children in open-ended toys. We want them to be active participants in the engagement with the toy, where they can use their imagination and be creative. This means that there should be no batteries, no screens, and a minimal amount of toys. Infants can be overstimulated and overwhelmed with toys that light up, sing, dance, and have screens. It is too much for them. Research has found that children who are given more technological toys in their beginning years have a decreased imagination, shortened attention spans, lacking in social skills, and decrease in creativity.  We want our children to thrive, so give away the light up toys and grab something like this for your kiddos: Books Dramatic play; dress up, kitchen, work bench Wooden blocks; foam, cardboard Puzzles Magnatiles Sensory Experiences; play dough, finger painting, kinetic sand Light Table Toy Trains; Building tracks Doodle Board Bubbles Scooter Board Games; Cooperative Games (Peaceable Kingdom makes some great ones!) Real Tools Cardboard Box Instruments/ Music Legos If a toy is labeled as an “educational toy” really check it out and make sure that it is allowing your child the freedom to express themselves. Toys are there to be used as a tool, not something that entertains us. Remember playing with toys should be fun and filled with imagination!

Get a peek into our top toy list right before the holiday time! Listen to this quick Mini Mama opinion episode that shares the extra names we didn't use for our roommates as well as a top 5 list of toys we recommend for your roommates! This is a quick episode but tune in next week for the full episode about toys and learn why we chose the toys as top tier! 

We spoke about what to look for in a preschool last week and now we would like to go a little bit further on the idea of curriculum, or how your child is learning in school. The curriculum is one of the most important parts of your child's learning experience as this will set the tone of how your child views learning. It can either be fun or something that is a chore and we see how this can transcend into the later years, with many children having a strong dislike for learning. So what are some key curriculums you might see?Homeschool: This is where the parents can choose which type of curriculum they want to use with their kids while at home. It is typically more laid back, includes many more outside activities and trips to museums and such, more free time for the children, and can be at the child's learning pace. I would call this a “do what you want” type of curriculum. Academic/Thematic: This is where your child is focusing on the academics, learning to write their name, numbers and shapes. They are doing worksheets, flashcards, and everything is typically based around a weekly theme, such as sea animals. This is forced education and most children learn to dislike learning because it is not fun. 90% of schools utilize this curriculum and are not truthful when they state it is “play-based”. I would call this a “get in the box” type of curriculum.Montessori: This is a type of curriculum that is very structured and heavily values independence. The children do jobs or activities that are based around self-care and academics. Most activities are for one child and there is only one way to utilize the tools. I would call this a “get your job done” type of curriculum. Waldorf: This is a type of curriculum that is nature based. It relies heavily on teaching children to value life and supports kindness and love. It uses rhythms, songs, rhymes, and poems to teach children. They focus on the whole child and tend to use wooden toys and no electronics or screens. I would call this an “organic, nature-based” type of curriculum. Emergent/Reggio: This is a type of curriculum that is based on the child's interests. It is based on long term projects that do an in-depth investigation into a topic, such as dinosaurs or things that fly. The children work together and co-create knowledge together with their peers. The children are in charge of their learning and research has found that children learn more when they are actively engaged and interested in the topic. I would call this a “follow their interests” type of curriculum. Children are not empty vessels waiting to be filled up by adults. They are active participants in their knowledge building and they co-create that knowledge with the people and environment around them. Our curriculums should always be play-based, meaning the children should be directing it, it should happen naturally, and it is fun. Academics should never be forced, children will only be utilizing rote learning, which is memorization, and do not learn to love learning. When we force we create children who are mini robots, who fit in boxes, and are always asking what they should do. When we give children the space and time to learn at their own pace, in their own way, they become creative, imaginative, and love learning new things. This is what we want! 

Preschool shopping can be overwhelming. Sometimes its based on price, other times on location, or maybe its the feel you get when you walk into the space. Either way, here are some things we look for when choosing a preschool:What does the classroom look like? A home-like environment that is comfortable, welcoming and feels happy.What about the teacher? A teacher should be loving, set boundaries, get down to your child's level (kneels), speak to your child with respect, and has an understanding of child development.What is the curriculum? It should be play-based, that means no worksheets or flashcards, just genuine play, with learning sprinkled into the play (See our upcoming podcast on this topic!).What is the student to teacher ratio, or how many kids are in the class with the teacher? The lower the better! That means more one-on-one time with your child. What kind of snacks or meals? Make sure these align with your habits. We want to make sure your kids are getting protein for their brains, not a bunch of sugary snacks, so it's important to ask. What does the outdoor space look like? Should be inviting, lots of room to play AND they should be outdoors for at least 1 hour in the morning and 1 hour in the afternoon, at a minimum.What qualifications does the Director have? They should have at least an AA in Child Development/Early Childhood Education, a is BA preferred. Its ok to ask about this!So now that you have picked a school, don't forget you need a drop off routine to help your little one feel comfortable during this transition. I recommend The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn — read them the book multiple times before the first drop off, then when you drop them off remind them of the book, give them a kiss and a hug, say good bye and that you will see them after their lunch (or whatever activity they have before you pick them up) and then leave. Please, don't stay, it makes it harder for your child, once you say bye, you must leave. Let the teacher help to soothe your child, this is what they are good at! You can make this more special by adding things, maybe reading them a book in the classroom before you leave, or waving at the window, whatever feels best for you and your little and then stick to it. This routine will help them feel secure and safe.  Good luck Parents! This is ALWAYS harder for you then it is for them!

What is your favorite stroller? What is your go-to coffee order?

Your child has climbed to the top of the slide, what do you say when they look down at you? Are you on auto-pilot (like many of us) and shout out the blanket phrase "good job"? Many of us do this! We get caught in the "good job" cycle and continuously praise our children with this phrase that doesn't really provide our children with the right information. When we yell out these blanket phrases like "good job", "awesome", "you're so smart", "so pretty" we are guiding our children to feelings of extrinsic motivation. This is showing them that the way others view them is more important than how they feel inside, or their intrinsic motivation. We want to curb this habit so that our children can focus on the details of what we are noticing. We want to acknowledge, not praise, and to do this we focus on describing what we see. So when your child does climb to the top of the slide you can say something like: "you made it to the top" or " I see you up there" or "wow thats really high up there". Instead you are describing what you see or asking questions, so that the child can focus on what they did and not be so wrapped up in the praise and the need for validation in everything they do. We want children to feel good, but with the right type of words, so that they can process and internalize the words and begin to feel good inside about the accomplishments they have made! Here are some things you can try out instead of good job (excerpt from the book recommendation below):Look at you.That's a tall ____ you created.You worked hard on solving that problem.Wow, that looks tricky. You are trying to build a _______ and it's not easy.How did you do that?You did it!You know how to do it.You're wearing a fancy dress.You put all the _____ in a row. Be patient with yourselves parents, this is a hard thing to get over, but I know you can do it!Book Recommendations: It's OK not to share...and other renegade rules for raising competent and compassionate kids. by Heather Shumaker         LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this book! Activity for Later: Obstacle course! Set up different obstacles for your child inside or outside; pillows on the floor, areas to jump in, tunnels, crawling, balancing things, walking on a line, etc.. Practice giving them details, rather than blanket praise. Children are working on increasing their confidence levels and physical abilities and you are working on changing the "good job" cycle, another win, win!

Join Ashley & Erinn for a quick 10 minute episode where we discuss our own opinions on all things related to parenting. This weeks mini episode discussion is about wine culture for Moms and what we think the best family vehicle is. Check out instagram to add your opinions to the topics! 

Parenting is hard. Our children are going through many stages of development at a rapid pace. One day they are getting it, and the next moment they are having a meltdown over putting on their shoes. This can be really frustrating as a parent, however having an understanding of what is going on developmentally with your child can really make the process easier and less tedious. So lets talk about Erik Erikson, that brilliant psychologist, and his stage theory about development. Each stage within his theory has a positive characteristic and a negative characteristic that is determined by how you interact with your child. So lets chat about it....Trust vs. Mistrust (Ages 0 through 2): During this stage you want to establish "hope" and a feeling of trust in themselves and others. Hold, cuddle, and nurture your little one so that they may feel safe and secure. If trust is established your child will feel like the world is a good place to be in.  Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt (Ages 3 through 4): During this stage you want to establish "willpower" and a sense of independence (that is developmentally appropriate). Give your child choices, that they are interested in, and time, to complete the task. If Autonomy is established your child will have a strong sense of self and high levels of confidence.  Initiative vs. Guilt (Ages 4 through 5): During this stage you want to establish "purpose" and confidence in starting and completing a task. Provide encouragement for your child, focus on the positives, and allow them to take control. If Initiative is established your child will feel confident, competent, and have the ability to cope with mistakes without big feelings of guilt. Ultimately, we want to make sure that our children are growing up with love, trust, and respect. We want them to feel good about themselves so that they learn to trust, become independent, and take on the initiative in future endeavors. So, how are you establishing trust within your relationship? Are you providing your child choices? Are you encouraging your child to take the initiative? Activity for Later: Play the "High, Low" game with your preschool aged child! Ask them what the best part of their day was and what they didn't like about their day. This will help your child feel seen and heard and encourage trust, independence, and initiative. P.S. Don't forget if you need something to read about whats going on in that brain of your child's, we highly recommend "The Whole Brain Child" by Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson. It is AMAZING!!!

Are you ever curious as to why you parent the way you do? Have you thought about your childhood and how it has impacted the way you parent your children? Are you turning into your mother???  In this episode, “The One About Becoming Your Parents” we talk about the differing parenting styles and how those impact your children as they grow and develop. Here are a few key words we discussed when it comes to parenting styles:Authoritarian: This is where you as the parent are completely in charge. There are lots of rules, not a lot of respect, and not a lot of warmth in the relationship. These parents are of the “Its my way or the highway” thinking style. The child feels afraid and perhaps rebellious. Permissive-Indulgent: This is where you as the parent are more in-tune with being your child's friend, rather than establishing rules and boundaries. You give in to your child's every whim and want the child to be happy all the time. You are a very loving and warm parent. The child feels loved, but a little lost when they get out into the real world. Authoritative: This is where you as the parent set boundaries, but allow the child to be a part of the conversation. You respect your child and their opinions. You are loving, but expect maturity and kindness. Your child feels safe, secure, and loved. The perfect recipe for positive development in your child!All three of these styles impact your child's development in a positive and potentially negative way. It is important that you self-reflect on how you were raised so that you can change the outcome for your children. So, what kind of parent are you? What kind of parent do you want to be? You can always change this! Activity for later:What is a way for you and your child to strengthen your bond and enforce a strong but loving parenting style? Come up with a set of house rules together! Let your child/adolescent help you decide what is important. This allows the child to feel heard and also enables you as the parent to enforce some boundaries! Win, win!

A quick prequel to the official podcast. Listen in to hear how the Mamas met each other, decided to start a podcast, and a quick life check in 6 months later after starting this process. 

In this episode Erinn covers her conception story, birth story, and first years of motherhood. The episode includes discussion on labor, 2 years without a period, managing two kids under two years old, as well as the transition into a stay at home mom (SAHM).  Check out our instagram: From the Mamas (@fromthemamas) for more content including Kids Corner ideas, book recommendations, research sources, funny memes and more! 

In this episode Ashley covers her conception story, birth story, and first year of motherhood. The episode includes Ashley's experience with IVF, laboring for over 52 hours (!!), and ending with 17 stitches... while also supporting her husband, Scott, with his Cystic Fibrosis journey.  Check out our instagram: From the Mamas (@fromthemamas) for more content including Kids Corner ideas, book recommendations, resources, funny memes and more!