I Live For Me

I don’t want - to degrade you You do that on your own Another lie To forsake you Another one you’ll find too late But no one likes - this behaviour No ones got the time to play With everything that you could have been You’ll always choose it, won’t ya? Quickly just forget it then Addicted to it aren’t ya? Fuck you You will never know What it means to live a lie And then to pay the price Screw you hope your tripping on your filthy lies Fuck you I love it when you Cause I, I’m not surprised. I never wanted to cause any problem now Always kept my head down Shut my mouth Never see it coming round till I brought all All the things I’m gonna burn this fucker down. Let’s see what they talk about now. I don’t know why you think you’re cool But you never went to school Always on daddy’s lap now I can’t even breathe in your sea of lies Selling me your silly lies So learn to take it now Learn to to take it now Learn to take it now I don’t wanna think (I know what you think) Your not my problem (It’s all my problem) Fuck, if I solve em I know what your thinkin bout And you’re feeling now

Tough love has got me feeling out tonight Tough words have knocked me To the ground where I I’m not myself - I’m not responsible Tough times they call on These extreme measures Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh Be careful with the words you throw You never really know I feel it under my skin Straight through my bones I’m wilding I ain’t the man you knew before I feel this storm that’s brewing What’s coming next you choose it I know exactly what I saw You never should have let me- Tough love has brought you To his bed tonight Tough job just cleaning up Your mess for life This love has got you dropping tears tonight Tough shit you chose your demons I’ll chose mine Oh,Oh,Oh,Oh,Oh Some boys just never live up to the hype Tough job I’m finding to apologize.

Boy can you feel this beat Pulsing deep inside of me Telling me you know what I want Boy can you take it home I don’t wanna sleep alone Tell me if you’re looking for love I might have a man at home But tonight I’m all alone And I don’t even know you But I know you’ll understand That I don’t ever need to Cause this love ain’t meant to last Different kind of love Different kind of love Different kind of love I think I’ve had enough Different kind of love Different kind of love Different kind of love I think I’ve heard it all Fuck me all night baby You turn me on like , crazy Love the way you talk to me Saying what you’ll do to me When we gonna get outta here? I’m not like those other boys Make me scream all thru the night In the morning I’ll dissappear You might have a man at home But tonight you’re here alone And I don’t even know you But I know you’ll understand Cause this is what the boys do And the boys have always had Different kind of love Different kind of love Different kind of love I think I’ve had enough Different kind of love Different kind of love Different kind of love I think I’ve heard it all Fuck me all night baby You turn me on like , crazy Now I don’t need your help I take care of myself The only thing I know All of the memories need love Different kind of love Different kind of love Different kind of love That’s my kind of love Let it fuck you up You can call it love I think I’ve had enough.

He’s testing me He’s pushing me I don’t care You lll give it all And this will be Had- had my head against the wall When you you said to me How’s it feel to bang your head against the wall my baby? Cause you know they’ll all forget you now I hope he feels for you baby Thinking you’d maybe Fuck all the night long We’re burning up burning up I’ll give you two seconds then I’ll disagree How’s it feel when I did what you did to me? Does it hurt? Cause all I wanted I don’t wanna get up I don’t wanna get up I don’t wanna be down no more You disagree? I don’t care You threw my head against the wall Cause you know they’ll all forget you now I hope he burns for you baby Thinking you’d maybe Fuck all the night long We’re burning up burning up Never gonna be enoigh How’s it feel when I do what you did to me? How it’s feel when the world ain’t falling to your feet? Does it burn? How’s it feel to bang your head now baby? And throw your head against the wall Cause you know they’re gonna get you now I hopes he burns for you baby Make you feel so amazing Fuck all the night long It never would be enough.

The actual one won’t upload so it’s just acapella lol. Full here: https://mqube.net/play/20180807784468

Emotion by Kesen

They said were too young To know what we wanted but... Late night staying home watching tv Getting scared hold you near makes me happy Making love till three in the morning Didn’t think that you’d take that all from me Keeping quiet so we don’t wake your mama Said your fine but somethings up now It was tough but I thought we were happy Didn’t think you’d take that all from me Next time could you let me know Before you bring my whole world down? Everything you said was just a lie And still I’m sugarcoating reality Making things out to be Like they’d never be Marriage was never that wonderful Oh it was Late night arguing till morning Throwing shit, Slamming doors And me crying I’m at home all alone watching tv Phone off no way to reach me All my time wondering what your up to Drive insane, cursed your name and I hated you This isn’t what we saw on the tv This isn’t what loves supposed to be Planned my life and my future around you Now you’re gone what the fuck am I gonna do I don’t know where you are Who your with now If your lost and you’re looking where I am I’m at home all alone watching tv

Cringeworthy lol.

Lol, 2014 I think. Like nasal AF then for sure.

Let It Go (Frozen Cover) by Kesen

Remember those things you told me Since I left town you’re hoping Must have been soemthing I heard wrong Cause some of this shit is border crazy But I would never let this phase me And all of the moments that you’ve thrown out I never had thought that you would say So Take it in brush it all off By end of this July He must have been a better man then me I never could imagine you not there for me But somehow, now you’re gone But Here I am thinking of the things you didn’t do And here I am beating up myself Something seems wrong With this whole picture now Cause nothings been missing No not since you Remember those things You couldn’t say to me? I wonder if he says them to right now All of the moments that you’ll find You never could imagine the hell While I’m just here for waiting For you to come back home I know when I left it You would just give up And you’d never fight for me I guess I should thank you Cause I know what I’m worth

Take a moment to breathe Think of what you said to me In your moment of need I was doing so well until you Tore it all down Maybe I don’t wanna say goodbye But when you tell me how you’re feeling I can’t hide And you don’t wanna make the same mistakes You say you’re sorry while your filling up my place You say you’ll never love again As much as you say you loved me And then you tell me since you left me You’ve been nothing but happy You’re that man who pretends to his family and friends That the problem ends with “we” All those lies that you sold Left me bitter and cold And you couldn’t give a damn Maybe I don’t wanna say goodbye But when you tell me how you’re feeling I can’t hide And you don’t wanna make the same mistakes Saying you’re sorry while you’re filling up my place Who’s gonna take my place?

You keep saying things you know ain’t true You keep doing what you have to do And I will never have a word to say But you’ll know just what we had when it’s gone Even if I could You could have spared us from all the Selfish lies Go fabricate like I didn’t treat you right You know they say whatever makes you sleep at night You can play the victim Hoping it’ll save ya That they’ll never find out About the truth God knows they’ll belive ya You’re the best deciva Aint nobody knows ya Like I do. Fools. Fools. You keep playing victim Throwing round your problems When you gonna see the problems you? Just like your father you can’t help yourself Just like your mama I’ve been dumb as hell And you’ve been playing games for far too long Now take a look at all the mess you’ve made Go call your mama, you go call your maid And then you’ll tell I did it all and you had Nothing to do with it all Boy you’ve earned your day in hell But someday you’ll swallow every word you’ve said You can play the victim Hoping it’ll save ya That they’ll never find out About the truth Even if I wanted I couldn’t forgive ya Even if I’m down and blue You can play the victim Hoping it’ll save ya That they’ll never find out bout the truth God knows they’ll believe ya You’re the best deceiver When you gonna wise up and see the truth Your problems you.

Bout a million other things I could love What if I told you There would be no other one? What if I told you There could be no other one? You’re free to go You’re free to go Won’t make you love me anymore I give up hands in the air No more pretending like we’re fine No more lies no more lies Just promise me That you glance before you go I used to want you so bad I used to hate you for the way I used to keep it all inside I used to laugh when I could cry And I’ll forgive all your mistakes We’re just boys we’ll find our way And I won’t hold you back again And now our Story has its end Just promise me that you leave before Love fades to dust Bout a million other things I could love But I held you down Love held you down You’re free to go You’re free to go Won’t make you love me anymore I give up hands in the air No more pretending like we’re fine No more lies no more lies Not ever, not today You used to want me so bad You used to hate me for the way You used to keep it all inside You used to laugh when we could cry So let’s forgive all these mistakes Cause we’re just boys we’ll find our way And I won’t hold you back again And every story has its end Just promise me That you’ll leave

As you’d probably imagine, going through a divorce is a bad time. Getting told your HIV positive is also a shit time, although obviously it’s much better then what it is and then being left while your spouse who already went and gave you this because he was too busy shopping with all his side boyfriends to take a test? FML, like yes this is real hahaha. It really was a crap time. I study in Taiwan. I didn’t see my family for almost two years after diagnosis and isolated myself with severe depression for almost like, two years during which time I wrote this album. This song is just a recollection of the first couple days after I found out, and after separating. It was just scary at first, but eventually I learned not to hold grudges and not to point fingers because at the end of the day, it changes nothing. What’s done is done. Maybe I’m half nuts, but at first it was manageable, like the situation. I would have stayed. But I worried what would happen in the future. You have something in your blood for life from another person, and I just didn’t assume that someone that at that time I was married to would then just peace out and continue to try and give this to other people. I used to blame myself and hate myself for it. The song isn’t like, oh I’m sorry I gave you this. It was like I’m sorry, I don’t know why tho. You don’t realize being in a relationship that’s just someone manipulating you 24/7 that your really moulded into this abnormal thinking afterwards. And it’s also about reassuring myself that it is doable by yourself, and everything will be okay in the future, but every now and then again I just wonder how he handles it, the pills the appointments. Sometimes you can’t help it. In closing obviously I don’t feel fearful anymore lol. Knowledge is power but it just goes to show as well how sometimes people don’t know much about it, but stigma and other things still really do exist still today. #Lyrics I promise to let you be I know it hurts to stay And if the problems me When I go it comes with me Baby you just need to know I’m sorry But you know it’s gonna be okay Maybe it was long ago That we lost our love But baby will you be here when I go? How do I finish what I start When something always goes so wrong? Maybe we were missing a part Maybe I wasn’t careful We took one to many chances So so wronged Baby I know you know I know Baby you just need to know I’m sorry And maybe it’s gonna be okay I know that it was long ago but You loved me so And baby you don’t need to worry Baby it’s gonna be okay I know that it was long ago But I love you so Baby can you be here when I go?

I’ve seen too much to stay I was beginning to believe ya Thinking I would need you after Like I did before But I’ve think I’ve finally seen to much To stay If you look under the surface He didn’t deserve this anymore You got your way Just another reason you should stay Unobtainable Now the truth is Forgive him and watch You made me out to seem so addicted Like it was always a question my involvement in your life And still you give it all away No no no You pushed me so far I forgot to believe in myself I was beginning to believe ya Thinking I would need you after Like I did before But I’ve think I’ve finally seen to much To stay If you look under the surface You didn’t deserve this anymore You got your way Just another reason you should stay Unobtainable Bridge It’s getting out of hand When I’ve become the man I can’t stand

I’ve seen too much to stay I was beginning to believe ya Thinking I would need you after Like I did before But I’ve think I’ve finally seen to much To stay If you look under the surface You didn’t deserve this anymore You got your way Just another reason you should stay Unobtainable You made me out to seem so addicted Like it was always a question my involvement in your life And still you give it all away No no no You pushed me so far I forgot to believe in myself I was beginning to believe ya Thinking I would need you after Like I did before But I’ve think I’ve finally seen to much To stay If you look under the surface You didn’t deserve this anymore You got your way Just another reason you should stay Unobtainable Bridge It’s getting out of hand When I’ve become the man I can’t stand

Track Prod FreekVanWorkum What the fuck like Who do you think you are? Chasing cock like It’s going outta style Spending dollars on this Spending dollars Cold hard cash See that you work hard For your money Make momma proud with All this money Money make a man Mother fucker got a plan Spending all this cash Spending all this cash Money make a man Money make a man Money make a San er yi San er yi San er yi Calling out a cheat CAD USD NTD Monies from around the world Walk up to these boys in the club And asking em like Do you want a peice of Willy Wonkas bubblegum? No. Bodies from around the world Bank account be looking Cause when you’ve got it all You gotta spend it baby Did you actually think you’d silence me From calling out your truths Money might buy you everything But I’m not that kind of dude Now that they’ll all know Just who be dancing on the floor

GHOST by Kesen

I don’t ever wanna see your beautiful smile again The brightest smile is an ugly frown when turned upside down my friends Anger turns to a one-sided battle I fought alone One part of me feet in the ground The other clenched to hope You chose to throw it all away For someone who could never say I love you through whatever You chose to throw it all away For someone who would never say I love you through whatever And throw it all there’s lessons learned The paths we chose, The bridges burned So let me ask you How dare you? How dare you?