Jar Of Thoughts

Addiction is Never The Problem On the contrary, dealing with addiction teaches invaluable lessons. That makes addictions blessing in disguise for me. An addiction is telling you have something that bothers you. It hurt so much when it happened, you don’t want to do anything with it again. Each addiction maps to a certain type of emotion. That’s why multiple addictions occur at the same time. It is not the addiction, it is the lack of a mechanism to deal with these issues is the problem. We don’t born with these mechanisms, we learn them on the way either from parents, family members, good friends or books. If we have not been taught, or exposed to these mechanisms to deal with current or past happenings, we simply don’t deal with them and they fill the whole bathroom with water.

Subscribe my blog: www.aybalse.com I am in Istanbul, there is elections today. Head to head, Turkish people are showing that they have their own minds. I am questionably hopeful for the future. Just couple hours ago, I was welcomed at a home who have had one of my painting on their wall for the last 12 years. They were different times then. I left my management job, searching for the path of my heart/soul/mind. I joined a theatre group, feeling free and unquestionably hopeful. They were the times of painting on my kitchen table and the floor with anything I could find. I knew this was absolutely what I wanted to do. I was an artist, a real artist with a low self-esteem. I had a ritualistic way of painting. First, I chose the colour pallet of the background. The colours would create an emotional response, reflect the atmosphere of me. Then I started painting with pastels, oil pastels, smudging them with my fingers. It was essential to feel the paint through my skin, or vs. Let the surface to the paint feel me so they could paint me over, all over… The third step was staring, waiting for the picture to reveal itself to the eyes of my mind. When they did, it was blazing glory. There it was only available to my eyes, not from this world, but from somewhere else. They were gifts to me and they made me feel as I was a gift to them. A poem… Playful, exotic, fun, adventures… Maybe my cousin had chosen the perfect name for me from her book; “The Adventures of Ayşegül” The unseen world, which I knew existed but didn’t know how to go to. How did it look like? How did I look like in there? Was I even there? Yes, I must be… Did I have any additional powers? What were my adventures? Not working at factories or 9-5 job, serve to the business world as a machine allowed me to dare to ask questions as such. It was a joy… I belonged to that world. The stars exploded, the galaxies twirled and wrapped their skirts around me as I painted. This was 11 years ago. So much has happened in between. I know I could have done so much more if I had some belief in me then. It took me 11 years to build the belief, to overcome my low-self esteem and to say, this is a “good” painting, now & then. The question arises “what is a good painting?” Well, I mean, a painting with a soul, a painting which its owner still has an immense pleasure of looking a it and showing it to their guests. A painting which was already painted and was waiting for the artist to reveal the veil. Some people have that thing, the hand removes the veil. Speaking to you; Now you have chosen to be an artist or not, that is kind of irrelevant. You are one anyway. I believe you feel that power that speaks the truth about you. It is life energy in all its purity. A friend said once, “Generally Artists don't like their old paintings”. May be, is that so really? I guess I like them because they are not exactly mine.

Is starting life from scratch really an easy start? Urban life has a jig, still my heart is at the nature. Picking up random cards from a deck and trying to predict the future.

This episode, I am slightly more sinister. Looking into the main reason of why a man might be browsing porn pages at a translation, finding enlightenment in my kidneys, and passengers who couldn't separate from their microwaves and toaster when they are flying. Honestly, All of those happened, I am the true witness. tweet me your feed back, please, chips

I always wondered how the synchronicity works especially with money and deck of cards. Wanna check out my blog: brr tigers: better than my nonsense podcast I assure you: Blog: https://aybalse.com/exit24

Thread starts with the idea/concept of duality. The line between two opposites blurred in my life long time ago or maybe from the birth. What happens to the artist like me, self-taught but devoted their lives to art? Each of us choose to deal with something as priority; some money, some beauty, some emotional well being. It is like a level in a computer game. When that level is accomplished, time to play the next level. Some of us choose to replay the one before. I get so many things in life but that is cowardness, still nothing wrong with that also. I am back. Can you share it with someone who you think will appreciate this episode. Luv u all Ayse

Welcome to the first episode of the second season:) I am in Istanbul, staying at my mum's, looking at the painting that made me decide to become an artist. Whilst listening the sound of the city, I've found an envelope of photos.

Today's pick is "Everything is Magnetic Field, this is how we are connected". Strange things are happening. I grow aware whatever I mention in these episodes turns out to pop up out of blue. I find it super interesting when my yesterday's metaphoric episode became my reality of the night. And of course a robin in the woods. I know, what am I saying? I am saying that exactly. Day by day, I am changing my reality, here, on these podcast, with witnesses. Send me a tweet @aysebalko

I kissed a frog, married myself and we moved into a gigantic house. Build a botanical gardens. We start running workshops for men, women and children to learn the fundamental aspects of life. The first step was meeting with my vulnerabilities and not hiding or running away form my own self. My first light hearted story, one day at a time.

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Success is something we can almost smell. Its smell appears before it becomes tangible. I actually talked about it all the way through this time. It comes with its own responsibilities. Ans the time it takes between the smell and the real appearance is essential for us. We can turn use it to complete the parts we are missing. Knowledge is everything, knowledge is the kind that will make us to grab the sliding success. This life is real no matter how much we hear it is not. There is only one way to make it happen, understanding who we are, what we are missing and using the time to learn. Goes to Teddy bears...

This is the full recording of my first ever radio interview. Surprisingly I was so nervous. It was hard for me to talk about the amazingness of being selected for a prestigious art prize. It counts if I win it more than being selected I feel. But all an experience and my second interview flows a lot easier and jollier. I takes time to get used to being in a super pro recording environment with a time span. Next time I am rocking.

It is never what you expect from the title. It is a new beginning after I discovered a new hot night drink, satsuma-numeric-honey. And an opportunity unleashed itself to get a dog. But dreams can change...

I set off to talk about the cutest lips and smiles I have seen. There are 7 elephants by my window, basically means I will be buying my house but when? Shortly, someones smile and lips becomes the cutest if we both like each others company.

Use the hand you have dealth, reprogram your mind. This was the paper I picked for today. But I talked about my eye sight for 3 min. Short and sweet, I've never able to see sharp and clear no matter how many times I have been to optician. I will go back to "reprogram your mind" on an other episode.

Love Your Jumper. The shortest episode. ıt doesn't matter what you are wearing at that moment, own it, love it. It is the jumper you are wearing and loving it is make your day go seamless.

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Never give advice unless you are asked; rule number one. To be good with the people around you, to stay sane, to keep your energy; follow the rule number one. Have you ever noticed sometimes you know how to change someone's life if only they listen to you, but they never do. Possibly the vs is true too. It is either not the right to internalize the advice or there are still things to be lived. Hold your rains close to your heart...

What would I have in my home. What is home to me? A place to relax, to create, to love, to grow. Also polished concrete floors, an opium room with war paintings and maybe some where I can be anybody I want to be. Home is heart of love. What would a home mean to me?

Pain is a focuser. It is easier to remember the scars than remember the flowers. Overlooking the existence of flowers in the room is a habit. What I notice about making the shift from remembering the scars to noticing the flowers is owning the scars, not hiding from them or hiding them from other people. Later, putting them aside clears up space to notice the details and beauty of flowers around.

I ticked a list of goals, one by one. I achieved all my goals, now I know not the goals but the milestones are the keys for fulfilled success. But, What is the source of "setting goals"? Who pushes us, us? By nature goals contain satisfaction and milestones are more holistic which gives more freedom to create by accidental happenings as well. From "romantic books or goals" to a question of comfort "How would I like to die?". Knowing that I will die is a liberation and seems like there is a way serves the best death option for me.

That is tricky. When we really want something, we produce a kind of smell or aura which becomes a put off. The only ones get close is the ones who produces the same sort of clinging actions. It is an involuntary happening. Dangerous... Know yourself woman and Shake it off from its legs...

Quite a spiritual episode. I've found the light, it came out of me. I am not religious or a devote follower of any type spiritual teachings but I find myself meditating for the last 2 years. My mind during these meditations is not yet all quite. All sorts are happening. Popping up perspectives; step by step to my way. Most recently I gain an interest in Islamic way of Praying and the system of Allah. Yes, Allah is not God, it is a system and I interpret it a combination of magnetic fields, words, intentions and us as the way tribal concepts were trying to describe. Gang!!! It is only 3 of us here. Up to you... But I Love You

The right thing comes as a cone of ice-cream, the right way to lick it is not from the floor sometimes. This episode, I jump from one to another pretty fast, catch me, we are a gang. The right thing happens to me when I don't force it. Is it faith, yes... I am learning to have faith in faith. Why not embrace the beautiful system that makes us. By the way, there are only 2 people who downloads each episode. Gang!!!

Seed is the ultimate question. What is the seed?

Episode 12; I side-tracked a bit but came back to you at the end. Today's pick says; "Look At Things Not So Much As Academic But As Smart and Curious Explorer" So I explored around the concept. What an academic mean for me is interesting; that makes me imagine a rigid system. Yet being fluid with my blowing up bulbs, I ended up having a meditation room with no light bulbs. What a bliss... Now I see Mosques and Mescids with different set of eyes. It is my conclusion that every human being requires to spend regular time in quite, praying areas; either to pray, to meditate or to connect with themselves and the natural forces. I skipped the "smart", the lights being off.

Episode10; The real reason of the fight, is not the reason of the fight. This is a true fact for almost every fight I have seen or been. It is generally something that we can't put our finger on. Maybe a cracking bed, or a smilier smile of an ex-lover; a nightmare of 3 nights ago lingering in our system. ıt takes a bit of shaking the mind and making fun of yourself. Next time when you are picking up and argument or being drawed in one, ask yourself, "What could be the real reason of this fight?"

Episode9; Love enters the room, smile. Where was it before? I explore the kind of loves I've had so far. Just a few sprinkles. Opening a space for the new loves to enter and it has.

Nobody is unsuccessful. It depends on the definition of success. When I use success for achieving things, managing not to die, adapting at a new country, completely learning a new language and a culture, I feel pretty successful. Find your success bonanza

Episode7; The paper I picked from my Jar of Thoughts is; " You Can't Polist Before You Build": Another slap on my face. Yes that is exactly what I've always try to do. I like seeing results, getting feedbacks. They are the fun part. But, Without taking time and putting the effort into building whatever it is that I desire to have, polishing won't work. It is tempting to skip one or two steps because there is a fee-ling of urgency and as time is running out, however, the best results and the growing sense of joy and satisfaction is putting the work into building it. Easier than doing, the polishing part is the getting the feedback. Whilst we are building it, it is hard to put the finger on the outcome, the results. We can feel it, we can anticipate it, we can sense it but nevertheless it is not the reality yet. Naturally we want to skip to the feed back part. There comes the polishing before it is completed. Here, I say, stop... Life is too valuable to waste it after sniffing the most amazing food but not yet tasting any of it.

Episode6; The Power of a daughter of a single mother is unbeatable: This is a fact. As a daughter of a single mother, I have seen some much of everything; loneliness, struggle, love, fear... What that made me become? In time, all the little big moments come back to surface and made be a superhuman, an unbeatable woman. If you are single mother or a child of a single mother, or someone who wants to have insight in these people's lives, this is a most listen episode. Again, I am bare to my bones.

Episode5, A challenging statement. I will never win an argument because no arguments can be won, or I am not fit to win. On the flip side, it might be telling me by not winning an argument I will win the argument considering it through the impact and after affects perspective. Todays episode is really short. A sweet breeze for the takers.

#4 Overpowering parents are a gift to learn to stand for our own mind and to learn to negotiate the bitterness in a sweet manner. This is a long one, but it says a lot to me. Having a very dominating and critical mother, It has taken me a long time and so much effort to realize that her overpowering manner was a gift. A realization that has changed my life. It is character building, it forced me to live like a hermit as well as run away from homeland, from her. All to come to a realization that I am as good as it gets, I am brilliant and my mind is solid. But it was a journey.

Episode3, The note I picked from my jar of thoughts is; When Nothing Works!. This episode is filled with insights to my secret way of finding my purpose in life, figuring out what to do when nothing works, how to choose a path when things are critical. It shines torch on what to do when all crash under the feet. Starting or moving on has never been this light, fluff and easy.

2nd Episode, "Things do ... own things, I don...... to be", some of it is washed and not visible. Is it a reminder to mind my own business or possible it encourages for following my own path and not to look around much for influence. What is my conclusion? Short stories from my youth accompanies this late night conversation to myself. The right and wrong deminished and life has a clarity when I unfocus on things/people surround me.

So Says my jar of thoughts. First picked note to my self by my younger self is; "It is not your fault". I divide it into pieces; "what is fault?, is fault exist as a concept? and if it does, whose fault is it?"