Podcasts about Honestly

To celebrate the holidays, here's a Patreon Exclusive episode of Tales Of Futurama...for FREE!It's the lost episode! Honestly, this wasn't the greatest Xmas episode we've seen. It's just a bit of a downer, which is the opposite of what we were looking for. Xmas eps are the safeground for warm-and-fuzzy cliches, this one went a different direction. A bold strategy, not sure it paid off for 'em.Essentially, Robot Santa is frozen in ice, which leaves Bender to take the reigns as the new Santa. A fun twist on the old "Santa replacement" story, however not even Kwanzaa Bot could prevent this one from leaving us feeling glum. No wonder FOX weren't fans, child abuse doesn't really fit the Xmas spirit.If you enjoy this show, please consider supporting us on Patreon for as little as $1 per month at patreon.com/fourfingerdiscountListen on Spotify - spoti.fi/4fDcSY0Listen on Apple Podcasts - apple.co/4dgpW3ZCHECK OUT OUR OTHER PODCASTS:Goin' Down To South Park - spreaker.com/show/goin-down-to-south-parkThe Movie Guide with Maltin & Davis - themovieguidepodcast.comThe One About Friends - spreaker.com/show/the-one-about-friends-podcastTalking Seinfeld - spreaker.com/show/talking-seinfeldSpeaKing Of The Hill - spreaker.com/show/speaking-of-the-hill-a-king-of-the-hill-The Office Talk - spreaker.com/show/the-office-talk-podcastBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/four-finger-discount-simpsons-podcast--5828977/support.

God Will Pause to Save You by Autumn Dickson I got a little lost as I was reading in Abraham at 6:00 am after staying up too late reading a book. Abraham had received a vision that showed him the workmanship of the Lord's hands. He discerned a whole lot, and then the Lord started explaining some deeper things to him. I was pretty tired, and my mind drifted until I came across this verse. Abraham 3:20 The Lord thy God sent his angel to deliver thee from the hands of the priest of Elkenah. Everything was feeling a tad confusing to my tired mind until I read that verse. Interestingly enough, as I backed up and read previous verses and when I continued reading forward, verse 20 felt like an interruption. The Lord is speaking of intelligences, including His own. He is speaking of how He dwelt in the midst of them and so on and so forth. The chapter is showing His absolute majesty. But He pauses and recalls how He saved Abraham's mortal life from a priest who was trying to sacrifice him. It felt like one of the most relevant interruptions I had ever read. It felt perfectly inserted into a sermon of how Christ rules over all of His creations. Christ is powerful and wise and loving. He is the Creator and King. He has many important works that He is juggling, but He pauses long enough to save you. Saving you from a mere mortal trial is nothing and everything to Him. It is nothing in relation to His power, and it is everything in relation to His love. I want to share a story about how the Lord saved my family. Honestly, I'm not even sure the extent to which it has saved my family yet, but I feel strongly that one day I will understand just what the Lord did for us in moving us across the country. Despite all the other works that the Lord was juggling, I watched Him masterfully manipulate detail after detail after detail to put Conner on track for his life's work. I will share some details, but I don't even think I'm fully aware of all the details and timelines that the Lord set in motion to take care of us. I probably don't remember all of the details, but I will tell you of a few. Conner had told me for years that we would never leave Utah, but there had always been a nagging feeling in my heart that we would leave. I had prayed about it, and the Lord kept telling me not to worry about it. The time would come when it came, so I left it alone. Though it was likely one of the more traumatic eras of my husband's life, I felt the Lord's hand hovering over us the entire time. Moving to Virginia the first time around was wild. My husband's job had been taken away from him through a series of lies told by another person. Looking back, I am 99% certain my husband would have never left. It had to be taken away from him in order to propel him in the correct direction for his life. I praise the Lord for taking it away. That's detail number one. Conner was meant to end up out in Virginia, and so the Lord sent a friend to ask for his help. That was detail number two. The only reason I was able to get Conner out of our house and into the car was because it was a friend who had asked him to come. We lived in a hotel for three months with three kids before moving to an apartment of a friend who had moved out west. We stayed in that apartment for two months before we received a big enough miracle that even my husband couldn't ignore (he still wanted to go back to Utah). We were staying in that apartment and the contract was running out soon. We could renew it, but the price would go up to more than we could really afford (especially since the job we had moved out for wasn't working out as we hoped). I was at church one day when that lady I ministered to asked me if we had found a place to stay yet. I answered no. Now let me tell you this portion of the timeline backwards. Monday, the very next day, was when we really decided that this job was not working out with our friend. I know Conner, and I know that the moment we realized it wasn't working out, we were headed back to Utah. It was much cheaper to go back, and we had just spent inordinate amounts of money to go and stay in Virginia and it just wasn't doable anymore especially since we were leaving the job. I wouldn't have been surprised at all if we had packed up that day and drove back immediately. However, the night before this final decision about the job was made, we received a message from a lady who had been sitting next to my ministering assignment when my ministering assignment had asked me if we had somewhere to live. This lady was a stranger at the time, and I'm going to name her Jill so that we can follow the story more easily. It turns out that Jill and her family had just bought a house even though they were headed overseas for ten months. She had a friend who was supposed to live in her house while they were gone, but that fell through. So Jill looked me up since they needed someone to come and stay in their house. As it turns out, we were related distantly through marriage. After asking some questions to our mutual relatives, she messaged us the night before we would have made the decision to head back to Utah. She sent us messages about the house and immediately, Conner and I realized we wouldn't be able to afford it. We asked how much she would charge us, and it was miraculously lower than what we would spend living in Utah. That was the very first time that Conner was like, “Maybe we are supposed to be in Virginia.” We moved in almost immediately. Conner was led to a couple of other jobs that were so healthy for him and have enabled us to be exactly where we need. When we needed to come back to Utah temporarily, we found a flight pass that enabled Conner to go back and forth across the country for $25. Detail after detail after detail after detail has lined up perfectly for us to be exactly where we need. I have no idea how He set things in motion a long time ago to set these things up for us. But I do know this. In the midst of all His incredible works, He paused long enough to save my family. I know that it was both nothing and everything to Him; it was nothing in relation to His power, and it was everything in relation to His love. I was not saved from a priest who was trying to kill me like Abraham was. I don't know how many of us will face situations like that. However, the Lord can save us. Whatever you're going through, it's nothing in relation to His power, and it was everything in relation to His love. I promise you that whatever you're facing, you are safe. When placed in the context of eternity, you are safe and everything will turn out better than you can imagine. He has handled much larger things than this, and they were likewise easy for Him to handle. I testify of the power of our Lord. I testify of the love of our Lord. I testify that whatever you're going through is just a blip on the spectrum of eternity. Reading Moses and Abraham gives us a glimpse into the eternal and can help us recognize that what we're going through doesn't have to take us down completely. I testify that it's okay for things to be hard, but I also testify that nothing can defeat us if we keep close to the Lord. Autumn Dickson was born and raised in a small town in Texas. She served a mission in the Indianapolis Indiana mission. She studied elementary education but has found a particular passion in teaching the gospel. Her desire for her content is to inspire people to feel confident, peaceful, and joyful about their relationship with Jesus Christ and to allow that relationship to touch every aspect of their lives. Autumn was the recipient of FAIR's 2024 John Taylor Defender of the Faith Award. The post Come, Follow Me with FAIR – Moses 1; Abraham 3 – Part 2 – Autumn Dickson appeared first on FAIR.

It seems like the conversation we have around what can be done for staff to create more value, longevity, etc never gets around to a place where you can look at what you are doing and have done and say, you know what, that's pretty good, that is enough. Honestly it feels weird even typing it because we do want to be always maintaining and cultivating value. Today on Shift Break we will be chatting about when it is ok to look at the things you offer to your staff and say it is enough, when to pick back up the search for more value, and how not to let that natural tension drive you and your business into the ground with fear. Related episodes: SHIFT BREAK! Engaging in the Right Conversations (or how not to accept undue guilt) SHIFT BREAK! Why Following Through is the Key to Better Coffee Shops SHIFT BREAK! Holding Baristas (and Yourself!) Accountable SHIFT BREAK! Adding Value in the Cafe SHIFT BREAK: Adjusting Our View of Labor Cost CONSULTING + COACHING If you are a cafe owner and want to work one on one with me to bring your shop to its next level and help bring you joy and freedom in the process then email  chris@keystothshop.com of book a free call now:  https://calendly.com/chrisdeferio/30min    Thank you to out sponsors! Everything you need for back of the house operations https://rattleware.qualitybystainless.com/   The best and most revered espresso machines on the planet: www.lamarzoccousa.com    

Another year has come to a close and a doozy it was. Honestly, one of the most stacked years in video game history. The Dogs discuss the Keighleys and selection process before a brief discussion on all the new trailers. From there, we discuss our selections for the Best of 2025.This also brings to a close an era of the show. Dylan and Brad will be stepping away as regular co-hosts. They will remain on the network on other shows! Taking over the Dogcast will be Stoy with two wonderful new co-hosts!Thanks for everything you beautiful listeners and enjoy an incredibly drunk episode of Hair of the Dogcast!Theme Song by David WiseTo support our show and get exclusive access to over 75 bonus episodes, check out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/hairofthedogcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Contact Us: Blue.Sky: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bsky.app/profile/hairofthedogcast.bsky.social⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram: @hairofthedogcastE-Mail: Hairofthedogcast@gmail.com Write us a review! We appreciate your support!

Want To Win Big? Focus Small - Mike CohnSomething momentous happened on December 20, 2020.Becky Hammon made history as the first woman to ever coach a men's team in a National Basketball Association professional game. Coach Hammon took over coaching the San Antonio Spurs when head coach Gregg Popovich was ejected in the first half.After the game, the press asked Coach Hammon what her thoughts had been when her glass-ceiling-busting moment arrived. She said, “Honestly, in the moment I was just trying to win the game. I say this a lot, but I try not to think about the huge picture and the huge aspect of it, because it can get overwhelming.”I love this attitude. Yes, Hammon was busting through a glass ceiling. And yes, winning the game is the big goal for her and her players. But she also knew that their best chance of winning was to focus on the short term and execute well, play by play. It's easy for teams–sports teams and agile ones–to get distracted by how much is riding on the outcome of their endeavor. However, great teams (and their coaches) know that the path to success is achieved one small, well-executed step at a time. For example, some teams stall—thinking they need to have a perfect and complete product backlog written before starting a project. The perfect, complete product backlog doesn't exist. And, if it did, it could only be written once the project is finished! I advise these teams to reframe the question. These teams are trying to answer the question, “What should we build overall?” They instead need to consider, “What should we build next?”Similarly, organizations stall in their agile adoption efforts waiting for the perfect project or the perfect team of people to become available.Or they try to map out every step they'll take on an agile transition.I worry these organizations have a Gantt chart covering their agile transition hanging on a wall somewhere.As with a team trying to write a perfect product backlog, an organization waiting for perfect conditions to go agile is asking the wrong question. And now for what famed radio host Paul Harvey called “The Rest of the Story.”When Coach Hammon's big moment arrived in 2020, the Spurs ultimately lost the game. And that's OK. You don't win every game you play or make every shot you take.But you know what Coach Hammon did in 2022? She led the Las Vegas Aces to their first WNBA Championship. Then did it again the year after that, making the Aces the first WNBA team in 20 years to repeat as champions in back-to-back years.Be like Coach Hammon. Focus on the next thing that needs to be done while keeping the ultimate goal in mind. When you do, you maximize your chances of taking your own teams from good to great,Success Doesn't Happen OvernightHow to connect with AgileDad:- [website] ⁠https://www.agiledad.com/⁠- [instagram] ⁠https://www.instagram.com/agile_coach/⁠- [facebook] ⁠https://www.facebook.com/RealAgileDad/⁠- [Linkedin] ⁠https://www.linkedin.com/in/leehenson/

It's a brand-new year on Hallmark, and we're kicking off 2026 with a tropical twist. Today, we're diving into Lost in Paradise.ABOUT LOST IN PARADISEWhen the founder of a high-end fashion company gets marooned on a “deserted” island with a chef, romance blossoms as they work together to survive.AIR DATE & NETWORK FOR LOST IN PARADISEJanuary 3 2026 | Hallmark ChannelCAST & CREW OF LOST IN PARADISELacey Chabert as SophiaIan Harding as MaxBRAN'S LOST IN PARADISE SYNOPSISSophia runs a high-end fashion company and, surprisingly, doesn't suck as a person. Unfortunately, her ex-husband — who is also an investor — wants out. He's ready to cash in while the company is still hot.Max is a talented chef who can't seem to break out, despite being incredible at his job. He tried opening his own restaurant a few years ago, but it failed, and now he works for another chef who takes credit for everything Max creates.There's one ultra-wealthy person in all of Fiji that both Sophia and Max want to pitch for funding.Max's buddy happens to be a private jet pilot, so he offers to get Max to Fiji. What he doesn't mention is that Max will have to work the flight as a flight attendant. The passenger? Sophia.They actually hit it off on the flight — until they fly into a massive storm and crash-land. Honestly, they both handle it shockingly well. With nothing to do but survive, they start opening up about their lives. Things are going fine… until they wake up the next morning and realize all their belongings — including the snacks — have been washed out to sea.The pilot and co-pilot head out to find civilization. They succeed, but can't figure out how to get back to the original island.Max catches a fish and cooks a delicious meal, because of course he does. Stranded life turns out to be kind of amazing. They grow even closer, and when Sophia injures her foot, Max gets the perfect excuse to carry her and take care of her.While exploring more of the island, they spot smoke in the distance. Fire! Civilization! They investigate and discover a campsite — they're saved! Except Max is convinced they're pirates, so they panic and run.There's swinging. There's heroic escaping. There's a celebratory kiss.Except… they didn't actually escape. The “pirates” catch up to them and reveal they're not pirates at all — they work for a resort. Yes. There is a fully operational resort on the island.They're taken to the resort, where Sophia's team is waiting for her. She immediately dives back into work but promises Max they'll stay in touch. Soon, she realizes she doesn't want to live that way anymore. She takes a step back from work, tells Max how she feels, and they kiss. Big ones.Cut to one year later: Max has opened his own restaurant, Sophia has found balance, and they're happily together. Watch the show on Youtube - www.deckthehallmark.com/youtubeInterested in advertising on the show? Email bran@deckthehallmark.com Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In this episode: Visualize your ideal future with clarity and intention.Welcome! In today's guided meditation, we'll practice visualization—a powerful tool for imagining and connecting with the life you truly desire.We'll begin with the fundamentals: cultivating presence and mindfulness. By observing our thoughts without judgment, we anchor ourselves in the present moment, releasing attachment to past regrets or future anxieties.As you settle into a state of calm relaxation, we'll begin to visualize your ideal life in rich detail. You'll engage all your senses—seeing the scenes unfold, hearing the sounds around you, and feeling the emotions that arise in this envisioned reality.Once you're fully immersed in this visualization, I'll introduce an unexpected element that deepens the practice.Are you ready? Let's begin!

It's 2026…are we really still doing podcast episode descriptions? I mean, come on! It should be AI! Or it should be some guy on the other side of the world that we're just saying is AI. It should be at least that. UGH! Fine. I will write it. But it WON'T be good. On this episode of YKS there's a dog…uh, thing. Honestly this was recorded last month I don't remember what these were, save for one. I really really don't like the guy making the podcast about bringing people together. Well, I guess I should say I don't like the podcast, not that I don't like him. I don't know him. And actually I didn't really listen to the podcast, either, so that hardly seems fair. If I really think about it, what's causing me to have this reaction to him? Resentment…jealousy…just the way I was brought up? Gosh, I've never really thought about it. But now that I have, I have decided to change my mind. I'm now in favor of stupid fucking fake crap you put online for clout. And with that, enjoy this episode of Crap Shit Sucks: The AssCast. Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Social Media by Maddalena Alvarez.Executive Producer Tim Faust (@crulge)We pour our damn hearts and souls into YKS Premium! And occasionally, we pour our Gatorades down our LEGS! If you're into any of that, Follow us on Instagram: @YKSPod, TikTok: YourKickstarterSucks and subscribe to our YouTube channel for more video stuff! Wow, 2025 is lit!! Gift subscriptions to YKS Premium are now available at Patreon.com/yourkickstartersucks/giftSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

A tambouras is running through the river… ambience. I don't have much this week. The magic of the holiday passed pretty quickly as the news kicked back on with the new thing to worry about. Only they don't seem too worried about it, which really worries me.Honestly, just turn off the TV. **** them. Listen to this week's episode, which is an earlier recording of Vermont's Mad River and a buzzing tambouras (and a distant drum). Ignore the world.Or turn on a semi-autobiographical film about two brothers in Montana who like to fly-fish the crap out of a river with their dad while speaking earnestly, often. The movie A River Runs Through It is the inspiration for this week's title (and more, if I fished around for a deep, dangling metaphor or something).I saw the film when I was 16 and would have preferred to be next door for the screening of Under Siege. I could just make out the muffled screams of slaughtered bad guys booming from the speakers in the auditorium to my right. I agreed to A River Runs Through It because my sister was bringing a friend I thought was cute.

Happy New Year, Cephalopods! Have you ever wondered why we celebrate the new year in the dead of winter right after Christmas? Honestly, we still don't really know why they committed to this choice, but you can join Emily and special guest co-host Teddy for a somewhat spotty historical exploration of the calendar we all use all over the world: The Gregorian Calendar! Was it invented by a groundhog? Why are some of the months named after numbers, but the never the right ones? How long have we been using this particular calendar? How did we used to reckon days in the winter? Emily and Teddy do, indeed, at least vaguely, answer some of these questions, but they also spend about half the show talking about ghosts! Thanks for listening in 2025, whether you've been around since season one, or just discovered us! Here's to so much more weirdness to help us make it through a 2026 that is unfortunately already turning out to be a doozy.

A University of Oklahoma instructor gave a student a failing grade — and lost their job over it. The reason? Religion entered the chat. We unpack how a routine college assignment turned into a culture-war flashpoint, why academic standards suddenly became optional, and how religious grievance keeps getting rewarded when it collides with higher education. Also this week: Trump administration officials decide government social media accounts are a fine place to preach Christianity, Sarah Huckabee Sanders issues a Christmas proclamation that sounds more like a sermon, and a Colorado megachurch leans hard into child-trafficking panic to push anti-trans ballot initiatives. Plus new Pew numbers on religion in America, a rare LDS feel-good story, listener mail, and yet another reminder that moral panic never really goes away — it just finds new targets.

In this FYF episode, Lesley Logan opens the new year by honoring beginnings without forcing reinvention. Inspired by Journey to the Heart, she explores how reflection, intentional letting go, and curiosity can shape a more grounded start. Through listener wins, her own tour reflections, and a powerful mantra, this episode offers a calm, empowering way to step into the year ahead—without erasing who you already are.If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at beit@lesleylogan.co mailto:beit@lesleylogan.co. And as always, if you're enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/#follow-subscribe-free.In this episode you will learn about:Honoring beginnings without turning them into pressure.Choosing updates and upgrades instead of New Year reinvention.Letting go of what no longer belongs in this next chapter.Staying present and enjoying the journey while on tour.Episode References/Links:Submit your wins or questions - https://beitpod.com/questionsBook: Journey to the Heart by Melody Beattie - https://a.co/d/75bOwAZBook: Your Big Leap Year by Gay Hendricks - https://a.co/d/7KY1pfkEpisode 589: Brad Bizjack - https://beitpod.com/ep589Mantra - https://www.instagram.com/miche_427 If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox. https://lovethepodcast.com/BITYSIDEALS! DEALS! DEALS! DEALS! https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/memberships/perks/#equipmentCheck out all our Preferred Vendors & Special Deals from Clair Sparrow, Sensate, Lyfefuel BeeKeeper's Naturals, Sauna Space, HigherDose, AG1 and ToeSox https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/memberships/perks/#equipmentBe in the know with all the workshops at OPC https://workshops.onlinepilatesclasses.com/lp-workshop-waitlistBe It Till You See It Podcast Survey https://pod.lesleylogan.co/be-it-podcasts-surveyBe a part of Lesley's Pilates Mentorship https://lesleylogan.co/elevate/FREE Ditching Busy Webinar https://ditchingbusy.com/Resources:Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq08HES7xLMvVa3Fy5DR8-gLesley Logan website https://lesleylogan.co/Be It Till You See It Podcast https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjogqXLnfyhS5VlU4rdzlnQProfitable Pilates https://profitablepilates.com/about/Follow Us on Social Media:Instagram https://www.instagram.com/lesley.logan/The Be It Till You See It Podcast YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq08HES7xLMvVa3Fy5DR8-gFacebook https://www.facebook.com/llogan.pilatesLinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/lesley-logan/The OPC YouTube Channel https://www.youtube.com/@OnlinePilatesClasses Episode Transcript:Lesley Logan 0:00  It's Fuck Yeah Friday. Brad Crowell 0:01  Fuck yeah.Lesley Logan 0:02  Get ready for some wins. Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started. Lesley Logan 0:48  Hi, Be It babe. Oh my God, it is the first, it's the first FYF of a new year. So, happy fucking new year. Happy Fuck Yeah Friday. Oh my gosh, if you had to, like, actually go to work. I hope you get the longest weekend. Because, like, why would you have to go in today? Okay, so if you are new to our podcast and you're dropping on today, this is the short, sweet and off the cuff episode where I celebrate wins of yours a win of mine. So we can see that, like, wins exist all the time. Actually have something for you guys next week where I'm sharing something that is really like, is really like the be it till you see it and why, well, celebrating is so important. And a little inspiration, a little mantra, okay? So I wanted to take the inspiration on day one of this book, Journey to the Heart from Melody Beattie, that I really love. It's like one of those, like daily meditation books. I have three of these. And because I'm I'm recovering over achiever, and I read three daily, you know, we're getting there. I actually will say one of them I'm almost done with, and I don't need to reread it, or two of, like this one I reread every year. So because I miss some days and you gotta, so I'll just explain, if you because you're not watching. So it's one of those things, like on January one, there's one to read January two, blah, blah, blah. And she even has one, one that's a leap year, so it's pretty cool. And I have Gay Hendricks' book Your Big Leap Year, which I love, because I love reading his book every single year. And this one feels like I'm reading his book all year long, and that's really fun. And then I have this other one that's cute and it's sweet, and it's like, sometimes it just hits the wrong way. So I'm finishing it and I'm giving it away, because I think it'll be good for somebody else. Just doesn't hit me, right, well, so I'll have two and then I'm, you've heard like I went as I have a hobby, you know? And one of my hobbies is like pulling a daily card and percolating on it on my walk, which I'm that's like the hobby that I'm going to start in this new year, once I'm home, I'm not home yet, so can't do that. Lesley Logan 2:40  So January one, this is what she said, and I wanted to share with you. Honor the beginning. Beginnings can be delicate or explosive. They can start almost invisibly or arrive with a big bang. Beginnings hold the promise of new lessons to be learned, new territory to be explored, and old lessons to be recalled, practiced and appreciated. Beginnings hold ambiguity, promise, fear and hope. Don't let the lessons, the experience of the past, dampen your enthusiasm for beginnings. Just because it's been hard doesn't mean it will always be that difficult. Don't let the heart breaks of the past cause you to be cynical, close you up to life's magic and promise. Open yourself wide to all the universe has to say. Let yourself begin anew. Pack your bags. Choose carefully what you bring, because packing is an important ritual. Take along some humility of the lessons of the past. Toss in some curiosity and excitement about what you haven't yet learned. Say your goodbyes to those who are you're leaving behind. Don't worry who you will meet or where you will go. The way has been prepared. The people you are to meet will be expecting you. A new journey has begun. Let it be magical. Let it unfold. All parts of the journey are sacred and holy. Take time now to honor the beginning. So that is for January one. If you get the book, you can read January two. Anyways, I make nothing off of it. I love this book, Journey to the Heart. So I like to start this episode off each week with like something that inspired me. Sometimes it inspires me in like a fiery way, and sometimes it inspires me in like a way worth reflecting. And it's really easy for us as we begin this new year to kind of bring in last year's stuff, right? And I actually don't believe in New year, new you. I actually believe in updates and upgrades and and I also actually don't even believe that it starts on the first year. You can start at any time. I mean, like, my cell phone has a new update all the time, and it's like, okay, it's a new year for that cell phone. It's a new cycle. So whether or not you're coming to this year with excitement and joy, of like, what could become or fear because of what could continue. I do think it's important to recognize beginnings, and I do think it's good to reflect about what we are unpacking, like, what aren't we taking from last year into this year? That doesn't mean you're a new person, it just means you no longer have that thing. And maybe that is a physical clean out of something you own, or maybe it's a mental letting go, cutting the cord. But I do hope that you take some time for that, and I think that's what's so fun about these FYFs. It's like each week can be one thing that we let go of, or add to, and that isn't overwhelming, right? It's not so overwhelming. So that's something for you to think about. Lesley Logan 5:25  Wins. I've got some wins that were sent in. All right. shannanlikestomove wrote in she wrote, "Big maintenance event on both reformers. Old grease boogers gone. New grease in!" I love it. Isn't that so fun, you guys? A win can just be that you cleaned your reformer because, oh my God, doesn't that take up so much space? on_point_pilates_studio wrote, "Got in the hot sauna today! Self-care for the win" Yeah. I mean, there's so many different things you could have been doing right? On_point, you could have been like, I could pay this bill, I could check this email. But you're like, no, I'm getting that hot sauna. And etain.pilates wrote, "Honestly, I just made it through a challenging week." You know, that's a win. That is a win, just like you made it through and it is Friday and you got to the end, and so good on you. All right, a win of mine. We are still on tour. We are on the last days of the tour, and my win is, I'm still enjoying myself. I'm still enjoying myself. I think it there, there's this idea that, like, if other people have other things going on and there's terrible things happening in the world, then I can't have more good and an excellent episode with Brad Bisjack, in one of his courses, he actually said, like, people said, I feel bad wanting to have more when, like so many people have less. And his response is like, nobody wins when you play small. And I really do appreciate every single one of these stops that we get to do, because I know, like, I learn every time I teach, every time I meet people and I teach like, I learn from the question they ask. I learn from the environment. I learn from looking at their body's move. I learn from their learning style understanding what I'm saying, like, oh, that's how you took that. That's so fascinating. That's not what I meant, like I learn from all that. And so I also love that these pop ups can come in the middle of a crazy week for someone, and can be a positive stop to the chaos. And so they're so important to me that that we do them because it can be the pause that someone needs, the cup feeling that someone needs. I love doing that for people, and I love that my win is, is that I'm still enjoying myself along the way, because it is so easy for the questions of, aren't you tired? And I know that those questions are meaningful, but every time someone asks, aren't you tired? Aren't you tired? Aren't you tired? Like it's so easy for the brain to latch onto that and go, am I tired? I'm like, no, I'm having a great time. I'm having a great time. And that is my win. I'm not letting the societal pressures and questions of like, I should be tired by now, and I, you know, all this different stuff, get to me. I'm actually allowing myself to be so present and in the moment and enjoy what we put together, and what my team has put together, and all of the people that have come and the impact we're making, like I'm enjoying all of it, and that's my win. Lesley Logan 8:26  So, now, your mantra for today. This mantra actually came from an Instagram comment that is couple I'll just be honest. It's a couple months back, but you know, we're getting it to you now. This is from me.shay_427. My body is not my resume. My body is not my resume. My body is not my resume. I love this mantra so much I especially wanted, I saved it for this first FYF, because I think the pressures of society, especially with all that's going on, is like you've got to be just thinner and thinner and thinner and, my goodness, you guys, they want us so busy, like, distracting ourselves with self hate and all the stuff that we have to change about ourselves that we aren't noticing all the things they're trying to take from us. They don't want you playing big, because then you will take up their version of the pie. There's no pie. There's no pie of power, there's no pie of money, there's no pie of energy, and so take up all the fucking space, okay, and your body is not a resume. So go have a great day. Share this with a friend who needs to hear it. It would help this podcast grow very, very much. And I hope you're enjoying the series we've got going on. We've got some other series coming up. And have an amazing day Until next time, Be It Till You See It.Lesley Logan 9:52  That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at +1-310-905-5534 or send a DM on Instagram @BeItPod.Brad Crowell 10:34  It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan, and me, Brad Crowell.Lesley Logan 10:39  It is transcribed, produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.co.Brad Crowell 10:44  Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music and our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.Lesley Logan 10:51  Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.Brad Crowell 10:54  Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website. And finally to Meridith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/be-it-till-you-see-it/donationsAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

The latest episode of the Breathe Love & Magic Podcast explores Liberation Magic. We talk about magic and manifestation, and how it can genuinely shift your life. It’s time to move beyond rules and “doing it right” to reconnect with your spiritual core. This conversation with Maritza Schafer, founder of Bruja School, is one of those grounding and warm reminders that magic isn't something you learn, but something you remember. Manifesting Myth Trips People Up Have you ever been told that you're “not manifesting correctly,” and that's why what you want hasn't shown up yet? What a horrible and discouraging message which could make you  want to give up entirely. I remember when someone said it to me! That's why Maritza offers Liberation Magic — a way of working with magic that frees you from the metaphysical industry's criticism, rules, and the idea that you're somehow doing it wrong. Liberation magic invites you to return to your intuition, your energy, and your deeper spiritual truth. When things aren't moving in your life, it's rarely because you're broken or incapable. More often, it's because we've been trying to create from the surface instead of from connection. Liberation magic asks you to slow down, drop beneath the noise, and listen for the wisdom that's already guiding you. Magic – Technology for Transformation So what is magic, really? Maritza describes it beautifully as “a technology for transformation.” It's a collection of tools, practices, and spiritual intentions that help shift what feels stuck and invites something new to emerge. Magic is far more than passive wishing. It's intentional, soulful participation with life's energy! When you merge a spiritual component with your intentions, something softens and opens. The process doesn't feel heavy or forced. Your desires have a way of coming into being because they're rooted in alignment, not effort alone. Think of it as learning to see your life through a spiritual lens where intention matters, energy matters, and presence itself becomes powerful. Mystical Garlic Planting I told a story about using magic when I planted my garlic this fall. Right from the start, When I planted the garlic, I didn't just push cloves into the soil, fertilize, water, and walk away. I planted at twilight — that quiet, liminal space between day and night, when the veil feels thinner. Then, I connected with the land and greeted the spirits and elemental forces. Next, I offered gratitude and asked to collaborate with them as the garden begins it's cycle of growth again. The reason is not because someone told me that's how it's done or good to do. This is how I live when I'm tuned into nature. As I listen to spirit and connect with my own inner knowing, everything comes alive. And that's the heart of liberation magic – where magic and manifestation meet. It’s not dones as a technique, but as a connection to spirit and life itself. Magic as a Way of Life Magic isn't only something you use when you want something to change. It can be how you move through the world. Maritza encourages her students to deepen their awareness of the moment they're in — the energy, the land, the subtle signals that are always communicating with us. That might look like ritual or meditation. You might simply notice your breath while you're standing at the sink or looking out a window. When spirituality becomes woven into daily life, you begin to move with the rhythms of the earth instead of against them. Challenges don't disappear, but your relationship to them changes. You meet life with more grace, more steadiness, and more trust. Remember the Magic Many people are drawn to magic because something feels missing. Maritza about this clearly —longing is often a call back to spiritual connection that's been overshadowed by responsibility, expectation, and noise. As you reconnect, you remember something essential. You are not separate from spirit, but part of it. Remembering brings a deep sense of belonging and the awareness that you are a magical being with access to far more wisdom than you might imagine. Let Go of “Should” and Find What's True One of the most liberating aspects of Maritza's work is releasing the burden of expectation. There is no single right way to practice magic. No gold star for doing it perfectly. No spiritual hierarchy. Your path is sacred because it's your own. When students let go of comparison and external judgment, they often feel an enormous sense of relief. Magic becomes about self-discovery instead of performance. Confidence grows naturally when you stop trying to meet someone else's definition of spiritual correctness. Walking Your Own Spiritual Path Liberation magic doesn't require elaborate rituals or rigid structures. It asks for awareness. By understanding your energy and setting intention with presence, magic can move through your everyday life — in conversations, decisions, and quiet moments of choice. One of the greatest gifts of a spiritual path is realizing that the power you've been seeking has been with you all along. Each step taken with awareness makes the next one clearer, lighter, and more enchanted. Energy Awareness as a Path to Freedom At the heart of liberation magic is energetic awareness. When you learn to notice energy, both yours and the space around you, you gain the power to choose. Simple practices like pausing, breathing, and checking in with yourself can shift everything. Imagine a stressful moment. Now, instead of reacting, you can simply stop, breathe, and notice what's present. That awareness alone can move you from chaos into calm, from contraction into clarity. Living an Empowered, Magical Life Ultimately, liberation magic is about feeling empowered. It strengthens your spiritual connection and reminds you of your place within the larger web of life. From that place, change becomes possible through alignment. Magic isn't something you do once in a while. As Maritza so beautifully teaches, it's a way of living. You trust your gut, cut through the noise, and allow life to work with you instead of against you. Honestly, that's the kind of magic I want for everyone. BIO – Maritza Schafer Maritza Schafer is the founder of the Bruja School where she teaches the Liberation Magic Method. Her teaching centers around a simple premise. The secret to life and everything you truly want is spiritual connection, free from religious trauma and new age bs. Grounded in her indigenous Chilean and Mediterranean lineage. Maritza blends ancestral wisdom with practical coaching. She equips people with powerful spiritual tools and real magic to create meaningful lives and bring transformation in their communities. Website & Social Media Website: https://BrujaSchool.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/maritza.a.schafer Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/maritza.a.schafer/ Pinterest: https://mx.pinterest.com/bruja_lunasol/ The post The Extraordinary Way Magic Can Free Up Your Life appeared first on Intuitive Edge.

Do you ever wonder about the claims of people who say believers are to go against the powers of Satan? You can claim territories from Jesus, put a hedge around people, or fight with the principalities and powers of the neither world. Dean and Ice show the foolishness of such false doctrine by going directly to the only authoritative source the believer has, the Bible, the Word of God and Holy Writ. There is all sorts of false teaching out there in the internet world that we should beware of. Be equipped and prepared with the truth from this volume written by two deep thinkers and Biblicists, Thomas Ice and Robert Dean. They share with us strategies for effective spiritual warfare as we live in Holy Rebellion to the evil one.https://www.amazon.com/Bible-Teaches-about-Spiritual-Warfare/dp/1964184193?ref_=ast_author_mpbWe, Scott and Gabe, need to know if you guys like the content. Honestly though, every like, subscribe, and follow shows us that our conversations are helping you. We are on YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Anchor, and any podcasting platform. Support us on every platform below! #hearthebookpodInstagram: @hearthebookpodBuy Me a Coffee: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/hearthebookpodYouTube: https://youtube.com/channel/UC8AAn7YxgYVoWa7RmeojyFQFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/hearthebookpod/Twitter: https://twitter.com/hearthebookpodAnchor: https://anchor.fm/hearthebookpodThank you to Brook Sprague and Michael Card for their music in our podcast!https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvI-t0MK5kgMJw7REobBCbQSong: The BookID: 362574Writers: Michael CardPublishers: Mole End Music

We're two days late, but happy New Year! Last month's pick was Ronnie's and she chose: Simon Jimenez's, The Spear Cuts Through Water. A novel that we both found truly fascinating and difficult in equal measure. The Spear Cuts Through Water won the British Fantasy Award and Crawford Award, and is highly raved about it. The story follows warriors, Jun and Keema, as they escort an escaped goddess across the land while being hunted by the recently deceased emperor's sons. The story is told in a truly unique fashion, with a theatrical framing device, and the story bouncing around between first, second, and third person point-of-view. Honestly, there's a lot to unpack in this one, and we only scratch the surface. If you liked the story, leave a comment and let us know why!   Our first book of 2026 is Ian's pick, and he chose Sátántangó by László Krasznahorkai who won last year's Nobel Literature prize!  

Quaranteam - Dave In Dallas: Part 12 Consequences.

“The best way to change life on Earth is to change the way we start.” In this episode, Nick speaks with Anne Wallen to dive into the intricate relationship between maternal health, psychological preparation for parenting, and the impact of childhood trauma on parenting styles. Anne shares her personal journey as a maternal health professional and mother of six, emphasizing the importance of meeting a baby’s needs and the psychological aspects of parenting. What to listen for: Maternal health is crucial for every human being The psychological preparation for parenting is as important as physical preparation Trauma from childhood can affect parenting styles and decisions Meeting a baby’s needs is essential for their psychological development Self-awareness is key to breaking generational trauma cycles Understanding the impact of trauma can help in parenting “Unhealed wounds don't disappear when you become a parent; they show up.” Parenting activates old patterns you didn't even know were still there Triggers often come from your past, not your child's behavior Awareness gives you a pause between reaction and response Healing yourself reduces the chance of repeating the same cycles “Safety is the foundation of healthy development.” Feeling safe shapes the brain, nervous system, and emotional regulation. Consistent responsiveness teaches a child that they matter Emotional safety supports curiosity, confidence, and resilience A regulated parent creates a regulated environment About Anne Wallen Anne is a respected figure in women's health with over 30 years of experience and is a leading voice on global change in maternity care – particularly for those at greatest risk. She continues to educate and empower birth professionals in more than 20 countries, contributes to a variety of curricula, and shapes the future of maternal health through her impactful role as a speaker and mentor. Anne is the Director and co-founder of MaternityWise International, and her legacy lies in inspiring generational changes around and elevating women’s healthcare worldwide. https://www.maternitywise.com https://www.linkedin.com/in/anne-wallen-08478035/ https://www.instagram.com/maternitywise/ Resources: Interested in starting your own podcast or need help with one you already have? https://themindsetandselfmasteryshow.com/podcasting-services/ Thank you for listening! Please subscribe on iTunes and give us a 5-Star review! https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mindset-and-self-mastery-show/id1604262089 Listen to other episodes here: https://themindsetandselfmasteryshow.com/ Watch Clips and highlights: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCk1tCM7KTe3hrq_-UAa6GHA Guest Inquiries right here: podcasts@themindsetandselfmasteryshow.com Your Friends at “The Mindset & Self-Mastery Show” Click Here To View The Episode Transcript Nick McGowan (00:00.91)Hello and welcome to the Mindset and Self Mastery Show. I’m your host, Nick McGowan. Today on the show we have Anne Wellen. Anne, how you doing today? I’m good. I’m really excited to get into this. I think this is going to be a different conversation than what we typically have, but we were just talking and talking and at one point you’re like, you’re not recording? I’m like, no, let’s start this now. Anne Wallen (00:10.602)I’m good, how are you? Nick McGowan (00:25.614)So this will be great. And why don’t you kick us off? Tell us what you do for a living and what’s one thing most people don’t know about you that’s maybe a little odd or bizarre. Anne Wallen (00:34.382)Okay, well, I am the director of Maternity Wise International, which what we do is we train doulas and childbirth educators and lactation support people. I’ve been doing this for 23, 24 years now, and it’s pretty much my life. I love maternal health. It’s so, important to every human on this planet. And maybe the… An interesting factoid about me is that I have six kids. A lot of people, when you tell them you have six kids, they’re like, my gosh. And yes, I birthed them all. But five of them are adults. I have a little nine-year-old as well. She was a surprise, like the best kind of surprise. But yeah, so my six kids and yes, that’s really the main reason why I got into the work that I got into when I had my first at 17. and didn’t feel like I could be the mom that she deserved, loved her so, so, so much. And I had some family friends that I grew up with who actually babysat me who had been struggling with fertility issues. And so I chose to let them adopt her. And we have had an amazing, beautiful extended family relationship. And she recently gave birth to her first daughter just this summer. So I am officially a grandma in addition to all the other things that I do, but Yeah, that’s a little factoid that most people don’t know. But she’s part of the reason she’s the main reason why I became a mental health professional or a maternal health professional. And a lot of the way things have gone through my life, not just how I was raised, but experiences thereafter have gotten me very interested in mental health. And so I like to kind of create this intersection between the both worlds. And I look at things from a very psychological perspective. So this is This is gonna be a fun one. Nick McGowan (02:29.229)Yeah, I think everything ties back into that. It’s not even just a physical thing. Like I even said to you, somebody has a baby and they go home and how their partner reacts to whatever’s going on or the chaos or whatever the thing is, how does that then tie into the baby and how does the baby move throughout life? Even with you having a kid at 17, you are a child at 17. Though I’m sure we can both think back to 17 years old and thinking I’m grown ass adult and I can do all the things in the world, but you are not. You’re a child. Anne Wallen (02:50.412)Hmm. Nick McGowan (02:59.039)And the fact that you had somebody that you could hand the baby over to that you knew, you trusted, and you were able to have a relationship, it sounds like that could almost be like an ABC sitcom, you know what I mean? Anne Wallen (03:05.325)Mm-hmm. Anne Wallen (03:13.356)Yeah, well, I mean, my life is, I always joke that, like, that’s just the tip of the iceberg. But I always joke that, you know, Hallmark probably wouldn’t agree to make a movie because my life is so far-fetched. But yes, that’s, that was such a, such a blessing because I really knew that I was not going to be able to do what she needed as far as mothering. And I’ve, you know, hadn’t even finished high school yet. And my wonderful, wonderful and she was my next door neighbor growing up. And I just knew that they were the right people to take care of her and they raised her and she’s an amazing human being. And it’s just really wonderful to have this open relationship at this point, especially, you know, now that she’s having babies of her own. it was really cool too during COVID. She took one of my doula trainings because she was going to be a doula for a friend of hers. So Just a really cool, you know, like sometimes things just come full circle and you just, little blessings, little surprises. So. Nick McGowan (04:22.764)And you wouldn’t have been able to script that. Like, I love when that stuff happens in life where it’s like, I’m gonna have a baby, hand it over to my neighbor, because I love them. And then years later, like, really? Somebody would be like, that’s crazy. Get out of my office, you know? Anne Wallen (04:24.863)No! Anne Wallen (04:37.355)Yeah, well, I I knew that I didn’t, I knew that I probably wouldn’t be okay with just never knowing. know, some moms, and I’ve supported moms as their doula through giving their baby away. I’ve supported adopting families as well. it’s, I am really, really fortunate because I don’t think that most people could go through that experience and it would be, I mean, Don’t get me wrong, it was heartbreaking. It’s still heartbreaking that I wasn’t able to raise her myself. I mean, I’ve had five other kids since then and I know what it is to be a mom and I know what things I’ve missed out on. But being able to have an open adoption is really, really something special and I know some people don’t have that option. And so to be able to give your baby to someone that you think that you can trust and then hope that they’re doing what you would want them to do. That’s a whole level of, yeah, that’s tough, that’s hard. So, yeah. Nick McGowan (05:43.52)could only imagine. I have no idea what that would be like. I don’t have kids, not gonna have kids. And I couldn’t imagine what that’s like just handing a child over. I’ve talked to different people that have had either abortions or they’ve adopted, they’ve handed kids off to be adopted and then just haven’t ever talked to them again or people that have had some kid that are like, hey, by the way, about 30 years ago, you and my mom on a beach. And here we are, we’re like, you and my mom at a party or whatever. It’s like, but I, one of the big reason why I wanted to have you on is to be able to talk about how the psychology of that ties into not just people that have kids, but people that were kids. Cause even your emails back in the conversations, you were like, yeah, everybody was born. And then what we do from there and how that all ties into it. So why don’t, why don’t you kind of get us started off with like, not only what you see with, people that are having kids. but also the people that are concerned about having children and what that ties into just the rest of life. Anne Wallen (06:53.121)Well, kind of as we were talking about before we started recording, getting ready for having a baby, well, having a baby, you really need to put in the work, you need to prepare. And it’s not just about eating the right foods or avoiding the wrong foods and getting enough water and whatever else. There’s a lot of psychological preparation that people need to do. And we all walk around with our own traumas. We all walk around with our own disappointments and wounds. you’re gonna carry that into your parenting. And if there is one situation that you’re gonna find yourself in as kind of just this automatic robot, it’s as a parent. You don’t realize all these scripts and all this just unprepared, you know, in the moment reactions that you’re going to have to your own child until you’re there. And then you’re like, Nick McGowan (07:26.218)Hmm. Anne Wallen (07:52.961)I sound just like my mom or my dad used to say that and I still sometimes even you know I’m on kid number six at this point she’s nine and I still will say things you know two wrongs don’t make her right or whatever little sayings that you grow up with and I realize wow I got that from this scenario or I learned that during this moment when I got in trouble or whatever and it can it can really make a difference Nick McGowan (07:54.515)Ha ha. Anne Wallen (08:22.669)being aware and intentional with your parenting. And when I say aware, I just mean if you’ve got wounds or if you’ve got trauma or if your parents were abusive, if there was something else going on, you know, in those immediate, the first weeks, months of your life, it is really, really important to meet that baby’s needs immediately or as quickly as possible, right? So, There are things like crying it out. There are things like scheduled feeds. And they’re actually, we’re not just talking about a physical experience that this baby’s going through. It’s a psychological experience. And so we can get deeper into that if you want to, but a lot of people, they’ll hear from their parents when they become parents, they’ll hear things like, put the baby down, don’t spoil that baby. Or, they should be sleeping all night and they should be doing this or they should be doing that. You know, we let that baby cry it out. We gave you formula. You turned out fine. Whatever it is, right? Whatever this thing is that might be the response to whatever the parents are wanting to do. You know, the grandparents and well-meaning aunts and uncles, they’ll have some retort usually, right? And advice from your elders is always helpful. And having, just having elders around to… support your efforts is beautiful and helpful, but sometimes they don’t know what’s best for your baby. And the only person who really knows what’s best for the baby is the parent, especially the parent who’s bonded to the baby. Usually that’s the mom when they’re really, really small. And that’s usually because there’s breastfeeding going on or whatever it is, the main caretaking duties usually falls to the mother. So if that mother is well attuned to the baby, baby’s getting their needs met, this is teaching the baby that they can trust, right? It’s teaching the baby about relationships. It’s teaching the baby that I’m valuable. I am worth listening to. I am protected. I’m safe. All these different things, right? If you’ve got a baby who is routinely put down after, you fed for 15 minutes, now we put you down. You cry? Too bad, baby. We read the book that said, Anne Wallen (10:47.18)put you down, right? Or we heard from grandpa that said put you down, whatever it is. That baby crying so desperately, that’s their only way to communicate that they have a need. So if they’re crying so desperately, I’m still hungry, I’m cold, I just want to be held, I’m scared, I’m alone, whatever it is, I have gas pains, whatever it is, they’re trying to communicate that they have a need. And if we ignore that, if we say, no, I’m going to spoil the child if I pick them up again. This is programming their brain, right? This is programming their mind to say, no matter how hard I cry, I’m going to be ignored. What does that, for you, Nick, what does that translate to? What does that, what would that tell you? Nick McGowan (11:17.928)Mm-hmm. Nick McGowan (11:31.148)Trauma as a little kid, you’re just instantly, you’re shoved to the side it feels. And that’s, I think that’s an interesting thing to be able to point out, because look, babies are not gonna listen to this podcast. They will when they get older, but like they’re not listening right now. In fact, none of these episodes are for children at all, primarily because of my mouth at times, I’m sure. But the parents, or the new parents, or the people that are thinking about having kids. Anne Wallen (11:34.102)Yeah. Nick McGowan (11:58.088)or the people that feel like they have to have kids because the system tells them, their family system, you have to, which that’s another thing that ties into the psychology of it. Like if somebody says, you, hey, you have to have a kid because you have to keep our lineage going. You have to keep our last name going. You have to do this. You have to do that. okay. And then they go and have the kid and then put everything onto that kid or there’s already some pain that goes along with it. I think the big thing you pointed out that stood out to me and especially for the show, Anne Wallen (12:01.015)Mm. Anne Wallen (12:14.614)Hmm. Nick McGowan (12:27.61)is the work that has to be done before that. I’ve talked to different people that have had kids and they’re like, hey, we planned. We did all these things. We read all these books. We then got pregnant when we wanted to and shit was still crazy because they’re parents and like life and people and like things happen. And then there are people that just accidentally had a child and you know, it’s all, it doesn’t matter if you plan it or not plan it, it seems, but going into a big situation of having a child and Anne Wallen (12:30.572)Mm-hmm. Nick McGowan (12:57.552)sticking it through for at least 18 years or so, it doesn’t seem to me like a lot of people really think about the work they need to do until like after the fact. Like I met with somebody recently who’s got a young kid and he was offered to go on tour with some band and he was like, I can’t because I am attached and I can’t leave my child. And I can see that he’s such a good dad. But he had said to me, like, things changed as soon as I had the kid, as soon as the kid came into my life. And I hear that from a lot of different people. Like as soon as this happened, then I changed. I stopped smoking or I stopped doing this or I started doing more of whatever it was. And that’s great. But what about the deeper work that’s unseen? Like the trauma that comes from your parents or your parents’ parents or the things that happened that you were a kid that was just crying because you wanted to be held and your parents are like, I can’t. Shut up in there. How does that then tie into we as people that could potentially then have kids and not see that stuff needs to be worked on? Anne Wallen (13:54.688)Mm-hmm. Anne Wallen (14:05.161)Yeah, so having a baby is a great motivator for lifestyle changes, right? So if you are, if you have unhealthy habits, having your baby might make you think about your mortality and how, you need to eat better or stop smoking or whatever it is so that you can live longer so you can be there for your child. When you are going through pregnancy, even, you know, no matter what the family dynamic, mom, mom, mom, dad, whatever you’ve got going on. both partners, or even if you’ve got a single mom going on, the person who is in the relationship thinking about when this baby gets here, what are we gonna do? The kind of deeper work that they really need to be doing includes psychological preparation for just how they feel about themselves, number one, just simply because whether they feel worthy, whether they feel rejected by their parents, if there’s any kind of abandonment issues, Which abandonment issues start with, you know, crying it out in the crib? We, let me go, can I get a little sciency with you for just a second on that? So, crying it out, they’ve actually done brain scans and they see that crying it out creates a change in the brain structure. So our frontal lobe is the solutions, you know, forward thinking we call it, right? The creative, ambitious forebrain. The hindbrain is the survival primal, Nick McGowan (15:10.31)Please. Anne Wallen (15:30.955)aggressive, it’s the hunter-gatherer brain. And when you have a baby who is, who their needs are met consistently, their forebrain grows and their hindbrain does not grow. Not that it doesn’t grow, but it doesn’t, the balance is more forward-thinker, right? A baby who is left to cry it out, a baby whose needs are not met consistently. And that’s this, we’re not talking about a baby who has like just a crying spell and we put the baby down. for safety’s sake, you know, and we walk away so could take a breath and then we come back, you know, we’re not talking about that. We’re talking about a routinely left to cry baby. That hind brain actually grows and the forebrain can shrink. So now you’ve got a kid who’s got the more aggressive, primal survival skills, more violence prone, more prone to, you know, ADD and some other issues that are, you know, really all about them feeling that they need to survive, right? It’s just such primal, instinctual behavior. So now you have a kid who physically, chemically is growing up with this need to survive, this like fear, right? It’s like I’m on alert, I’m hypervigilant all the time. Now you make them a parent, right? They go through life and they probably have Nick McGowan (16:55.877)Hmph. Anne Wallen (16:58.187)plenty of issues, right, because of that hypervigilance, because of that, you know, fear that’s kind of like their root chakras in like a high alert mode all the time. So you get into this parenting situation, you’ve got a baby coming, right? You need to be able to say, I’m okay, I can advocate for my needs, I can prepare for the birth experience itself, because the birth experience could be traumatizing. And then, how am gonna care for this baby once it’s out, knowing that, or subconsciously, knowing that they were treated with a neglectful-ish, not that parents always are neglectful intentionally, but they don’t always know that the baby is just trying to communicate. And there’s a lot of, we’re not gonna go religion, but there’s a lot of religious. Nick McGowan (17:47.951)Mm-hmm. Anne Wallen (17:54.09)books out there on parenting that talk about babies, you know, being manipulators and things like that. You got to train them to be good, right? Which is ridiculous. anyway, that in itself is traumatizing just to just to read that if I was a, know. Yes. Yeah. Nick McGowan (18:09.252)Yeah, basically calling your baby a little demon. Don’t you do it little demon. It’s like, I just want some love. I don’t understand. Anne Wallen (18:17.267)Honestly, and there are books out there that have caused babies to become really, really, really sick and even pass away because they’re telling parents, like, you need to have this regimented feeding schedule and you shouldn’t be holding your baby, etc. And, you know, the abandonment issue is huge in our culture. If you go to other places in the world, you’re not going to see people with abandonment issues quite like you do in America. But in America, we have the Juvenile Manufacturing Association who really, really promoted getting babies out of your bed and using all these furniture pieces, right, for baby swings and cribs and, you know, bouncy seats and all these things that are not the mother, not the parent. And the only thing that a really a baby wants when they come out is that relationship. They are looking for a face when they come out. They’re looking for a face and if they don’t get a face to connect to, they’re three months behind in their developmental milestones on average. So the face, the connection with another human being is so important. It’s so important just to their brain development. It’s important to their psychological development. And it’s really important for the parents’ development too because when you create this bond, There’s something in you that softens. And even if you’ve had a ton of trauma, it’s like this little, I don’t know, it’s like this little knowing wakes up inside of you. And you just know, this instinct just shows up and kind of helps guide you in how to meet the baby’s needs in a way that’s healthy and appropriate for the baby. And a lot of times when you look at and you study mom-baby dyads, there’s this, unspoken language between them, right? It happens during sleep. Dr. James McKenna wrote a bunch of different studies over the last 20 to 30 years on watching moms and babies sleep. And when babies, know, vitals go too low, mom stirs and sometimes they even wake up and touch the baby and the baby perks back up again. It’s very SIDS preventive, you know? So like, Nick McGowan (20:41.197)Hmm. Anne Wallen (20:42.58)there’s these things that we have these superpower abilities to connect with other human beings and we don’t even realize it. And the thing that oftentimes gets in the way of that is trauma, other people’s well-meaning but bad advice. And how do we like get ready for all of that? So that’s where pregnancy, thank goodness we have nine months. to get ready for when the baby comes, right? We have nine months to work through our core hurts and figure out how did our parents’ parenting style affect us? And do we want to repeat that or do we want to have a different parenting style, right? And what is best for a baby? And a lot of times, you know, when you just read mainstream information, you know, there’s some real… Nick McGowan (21:10.945)Hahaha Anne Wallen (21:37.873)Sorry, Nick, I know you’re a man, but there are some masculine solutions or frameworks for very feminine processes and that’s not always the best way to go, right? And you can say your baby needs to eat every three hours. We wanna keep baby alive, right? So we’re gonna make sure baby eats every three hours. But what if baby’s hungry before that? You can’t make them wait. Hunger is one of those things that psychologically, if you are left to be hungry, Nick McGowan (21:48.419)Does it make sense? Anne Wallen (22:08.154)It actually causes so much stress on the body. Adrenaline goes up, cortisol goes up, like all these things, chemical reactions that really are trauma reactions. If you look at it that way, they happen in the body when you’re left to be hungry. So just something as simple as the baby needs to be fed can cause lifelong impairments, psychologically speaking. Nick McGowan (22:36.93)I think something to point out here for people that are listening to this, and if you’re about to have a kid, don’t let her scare you off the ledge. Like go do it because it seems like, look, no matter what happens, people are going to make the decisions they’re going to make. But I think the biggest thing you pointed out is the human aspect of it. That the mom or the parents just in general that are connected with their children can feel that, can be connected with their kids. Anne Wallen (22:39.22)Yeah. Anne Wallen (22:46.419)No! Anne Wallen (22:55.732)Yeah. Anne Wallen (23:02.664)Yes. Nick McGowan (23:05.474)The fact that you pointed out like, well, capitalistic society was like, how do we make money off this? Well, we want to get the kid out of the bed. We can get them into a whole plethora of their own little suite over here and we can make a whole bunch of money and we might as well push this thing. There’s information that comes from the external world like that. Like, oh, well, baby shouldn’t be in your bed for longer than X amount of time. We should have a crib and like all people have that stuff basically when they have their shower at this point and they get it and they… Anne Wallen (23:17.962)Mm-hmm. Nick McGowan (23:35.381)have like three to $10,000 worth of stuff that just sitting in there for the baby, when the baby probably needs to be deeply connected with them, but every baby is different. And it’s wild to think about how those systems, the family system that tells us, well, when you were a kid, this is what we did. You made the decisions you made. And that’s to be said that way. But then the other systems that say, you need to have this, you need to have that, you need to have that. Anne Wallen (23:47.092)Yeah. Anne Wallen (23:57.15)Mm-hmm. Nick McGowan (24:05.024)themselves to block all that madness out. Like, thanks for your feedback, grandma. Thanks for your feedback, Capitalistic Society. That person needs to be so deeply entwined with themselves and to understand about themselves. So based on the research you’ve done or the information that you’ve seen, how many people are actually doing that deeper work? Like, hey, I’m pregnant now. I wonder how fucked I was as a child based on the dumb things that happened. How do I not deliver that onto this child? Anne Wallen (24:10.814)Yeah. Nick McGowan (24:33.963)how many people are actually doing that work? Or is that part of the reason why we’re having the conversation? Because more people need to have that internal conversation. Anne Wallen (24:41.096)We really need our society, especially in America, to be doing that work more. Because a lot of people are just, like I was saying before, you’re kind of in this automatic robot mode. If you don’t do the work and you don’t have any kind of self-awareness, you’re just gonna do the things that you don’t even realize you learned to do. So like as an infant, even though you’re not sitting there taking notes on how your parents are parenting you, you’re learning how to be a parent by experiencing their parenting. And if you look around, we have a lot of entitled people walking around and a lot of broken people walking around who are really just living out their traumas and trauma reactions day to day, rather than looking at them, understanding that that’s what it is. You know, it took me till I was in my 40s to even understand what narcissistic abuse was, because it felt so familiar. Walking around the planet, being raised by someone who was narcissistically abusive. Now back then, 50 years ago, they didn’t have those words, right? But a lot of people have experienced that and they don’t know what it is. And they’re kind of, you know, either perpetuating it as the narcissist in their relationship or continuing to be used by the narcissist for their supply, right? And this is such a hot button, like, I don’t know, like a really popular terminology nowadays and everyone’s gonna, you know, everyone walks around kind of saying, I know a narcissist or that guy’s a narcissist or whatever, right? So it’s word that gets thrown around a lot. But the deeper issue is when you are not cared for, Nick McGowan (26:12.609)Hmm. Anne Wallen (26:36.859)in a way that shows you that you’re valuable, right? Then you grow up trying to prove to yourself how valuable you are, your whole life. And so that’s gonna put you into two camps. You’re either gonna be more like a narcissist, right? Trying to get source from people, trying to get that love and acceptance and to prove yourself worthy, right? Or you’re gonna become more of the enabler, more of the empath type. Nick McGowan (26:57.066)Yeah. Anne Wallen (27:05.925)Sometimes it’s just how we’re wired when we’re born, but a lot of it’s learned, right? And so you walk around trying to fix everybody else, trying to pre, what’s the word I’m looking for? Like you’re anticipating what they need, right? And you’re jumping in and taking care of everybody else. And neither one of those makes a good parent. So when you have a kid, you’re going to… Please don’t get me wrong, public, okay? Not all babies are coming out as narcissists, but all babies do come out needing someone to meet their needs. And so they look like little narcissists, right? Because they’re calling out, they’re crying, you you have to do everything for them. And as they’re growing, you’re trying to boost their self, right? And if you have additional kids around between age two and three, that’s a huge hit to the self-esteem of the toddler. You know, so then you’re trying to like fix that and soothe that and so there’s this whole chain of events that happens between zero and about seven, eight years old. And there’s ways to feed the little narcissist monster that you might be growing or there’s ways to help the child become self-sufficient and self… Nick McGowan (28:03.466)Yeah. Anne Wallen (28:31.529)self-aware, but also, you know, like help them to develop empathy and help them to develop compassion for others. But a lot of this is not by word. It’s in modeling. And again, we go back to if you haven’t dealt with your shit before you have your baby, it’s going to walk around showing your child how to not be a grownup, but they’re not going to know the difference. Nick McGowan (28:51.529)Yeah. Nick McGowan (28:58.527)And just keep going. Yeah. Anne Wallen (29:00.167)Right, and so even though trauma can be passed on from DNA, right, and it can be passed on cellularly, right, but it’s also passed on just by modeling. Modeling what that reactivity looks like, modeling what that unhealed wound looks like. So, go ahead. Nick McGowan (29:16.329)Yeah. Well, it’s interesting with how the, think about often how the body keeps the score. Bessel van der Kerk wrote about that and there are other people that say, I don’t agree with it and that’s fine. You can say whatever you want. I’ve experienced it. I’ve experienced what it’s like to be able to have bodily reactions at things when my mind’s going, the fuck are you doing? Like, what is this? And it’s like, that ties back literally to my mom as I was a little kid. Anne Wallen (29:24.349)Yeah. Anne Wallen (29:39.315)Mm-hmm. Nick McGowan (29:45.596)and watching and going, she seems to fly off the handle of things. Note to self, guess that’s how it’s done. Cool, that’s what I’m gonna do. And then you learn later and you’re like, no, that’s not it. she was coming from generational trauma and chaos and wondering how do I pay for this thing? And what the fuck are you crying about? And what’s this? And sometimes that would come out of her mouth. Like, the fuck are you crying about? To go, I don’t know. And maybe she’s just overwhelmed. So even pointing out that people will look. Anne Wallen (29:51.922)Right? Anne Wallen (29:58.568)Hmm. Anne Wallen (30:09.831)Mm-hmm. Nick McGowan (30:11.727)and say like, yeah, a lot of people are calling people narcissists at this point because it’s like they learned a new word and they go, well, this looks similar. I’m glad that you’re pointing out that it’s actually deeper and not exactly the same thing at all, but sure, there are tendencies to it. Like the babies need us. Aren’t we like the only organisms that really do that though? Like all other mammals basically are like, cool, you’re born, go get it, have at it. And we need people. Anne Wallen (30:26.728)Mm-hmm. Anne Wallen (30:38.844)Yeah. Nick McGowan (30:41.606)And those people also need the babies because of that connection. It’s wild to think about how things that’ll happen just on a day to day that a parent might think, I was just a little upset or a little cold or whatever, that could change so much with that child. And especially in the formative years. I learned a handful of years ago about a theory called the subconscious winning strategy. that we develop a strategy as a child to go, oh, note to self, this is how I win. This is how I get love. Like my core wounding personally is to not be abandoned or unloved. That comes from being a child. So I figured out, oh, I can make people laugh and I can do these different things that then show up in a certain way. And I learned that about myself, I don’t know, at 38 years old and was like, oh my God, my entire life I’ve been doing this because it just deeply ingrained in us. Anne Wallen (31:15.784)Mm-hmm. Anne Wallen (31:36.914)Hmm. Nick McGowan (31:39.891)You pointed out self-awareness. That’s one of the biggest things I’ve noticed in every single episode I’ve had on this show, every conversation I’ve had that’s peripheral to the show. If you’re aware of something, you can only then become more aware of it as you’re more aware of it. But you can also push things to the side. I’ve watched parents go, I can’t. I’ve had friends that are parents that they’re like, man, some nights I just fucking can’t even. Anything. Like everybody needs to leave me alone and I just need to stare at the ceiling for a little while. or they dive into some vice, alcohol or something else. So what advice do you have for people that are trying to figure out, I either have a kid and I need to and want to be a better parent, or we’re thinking about having kids, or I’m still kind of reeling from being a kid, and how do they then work through their stuff? Anne Wallen (32:33.106)So I think you could, you know. Anne Wallen (32:39.752)I’m hearing some interference. Are we still together? Nick McGowan (32:42.974)We’re good. Anne Wallen (32:45.128)Okay, this could go off on so many, you’re like the tree trunk just now and there’s so many branches and things that we could just go into off of that. I think one of the things that you have to understand is that narcissism, for example, is a spectrum, right? And so, one end is kind of it’s a healthy self-awareness, self-love, self-protecting, self-serving, right? The other end is where you’re using people in a malignant way. Now, a newborn, I always make jokes with my students, like the newborns don’t read the books, right? They don’t know what the parents think that they’re supposed to be doing. But when they are little and they’re trying to communicate, right? We can, if we’re cold, for example, we can go and manipulate the thermostat, right, to make it whatever we want. If we’re hungry, we go and manipulate the refrigerator door and get a snack. Babies can’t do those things, so they’re not manipulators, right? But what they are is desperately trying to communicate with us, and we have to put aside, and you see many a mom who’s had sleepless nights, dads too, Nick McGowan (33:41.842)Mm-hmm. Anne Wallen (34:04.029)where they’re just doing whatever it is that the baby seems to be needing and it might just be an overnight, know, shit fast story. You’re just, nobody’s getting sleep, everybody’s crying, like everybody’s crying. And you just have to get through it, right? But the fact that you are trying, the fact that you haven’t just put the baby away and said, I can’t do this anymore, you know, good luck kid, right? The fact that they’re not doing that, Nick McGowan (34:30.332)You Anne Wallen (34:33.224)the baby and informs the baby, I am worth trying for. And so even if they aren’t fixing it, I can see they’re trying. Right? Now, do you need to step away? Do you need to be able to eat, you know, shower, take a crap by yourself? Yeah, of course. Right? And you need to be able to take care of yourself in order to take care of somebody else. And you need to be able to set boundaries and say, you know, Nick McGowan (34:37.445)Hmm. Anne Wallen (35:02.464)I am, and we talked a little bit about personality types before, but I’m an introvert, right? And when you’re looking at the Myers-Briggs, introverts need time alone, away from everybody, away from touch, away from sound in order to rebuild their battery. Extroverts, they need other people to recharge their battery. And so if you’ve got babies who are almost all extroverts in that Nick McGowan (35:15.846)Mm-hmm. Anne Wallen (35:30.638)stage of their life. They need somebody else for something at all times usually. And you’ve got an introvert parent who’s like, I am all tapped out. I’m in the negative. Like kid, I can’t help you right now. I cannot do anything right now. I need to go, you know, just take a bath or something in silence. Everyone leave me alone. Knowing that about yourself and knowing that this whole scenario is going to change. Because before baby came, You probably had self-care mechanisms or habits or whatever in place that you can say like, okay, I am drained. I went to that party. I’ve been at work all day. I need to just have like an evening of quiet. Well, when you have a baby, there’s no such thing. So being able to plan ahead for stuff like that, knowing yourself, being self-aware enough to say, I know what my needs are in a general way, putting a person into this know, sphere of my everyday life, what do I need to do to keep myself sane while still caring for the needs of this other human being? And being able to build some kind of structure around that. It could be, do I need to live closer to my parents so my parents can help me? Does it mean I need to hire a postpartum doula or a nanny or somebody that’s gonna be able to help take care of the child so that I can take care of me? You know, just, and that’s not selfish. That’s not being a bad parent saying, well, I can’t always meet the baby’s needs 100 % of the time. Who can? Like we have this really unrealistic expectation, this leave it to be for mom mindset, right? Where it’s like, she’s just gonna do everything. She somehow wakes up with makeup on, with her clothes pressed and you know, like she never spent any time on that, right? Well, that’s kind of what we’re expected to do as parents is we’re expected to just be up and ready for the world and ready to take care of this baby 100 % without having any kind of prep or any kind of get ready time? No, that’s not how it really works. But then you have that expectation which makes people then feel like they’re failing. And that’s not fair either. That’s where if you look at postpartum depression, it has gone up and gone up and gone up and it’s in its highest Anne Wallen (37:57.818)in places where, or in family dynamics where nobody’s getting sleep, you know, there’s sleep deprivation going on and there’s no social support. And those are the two key factors. And a third key factor is babies who cry a lot. And babies don’t just cry a lot. So if you know how to meet your baby’s needs, you can understand your baby’s language, if you can anticipate their needs and just kind of, you know, Nick McGowan (38:04.699)Hmm. Anne Wallen (38:27.781)Be prepared as we just keep, I keep saying preparation, preparation, right? But being prepared and understanding what does this cry sound mean? Does it mean hungry? Does it mean pain? Does it mean sleepy, right? What do these cry sounds mean? And then being able to appropriately respond to the baby’s needs and making sure that the baby’s needs are met quickly. These all feed into a satisfied, healthy, happy baby, which, creates calm, satisfied, happy, healthy family, right? And then if you are dealing with trauma triggers where maybe the baby crying is a trauma trigger for you, right? And you haven’t figured out what this baby’s need is, you’re gonna be spiraling and that spiral’s gonna, you’re gonna have anxiety, you’re have the depression, you might even develop other issues. And let me just say one really quick little piece. Nick McGowan (39:08.922)Yeah. Anne Wallen (39:26.823)The news a lot of times says, you know, when a mom kills her babies, right? The news will a lot of times say, oh, she had postpartum depression. That’s not postpartum depression, that’s postpartum psychosis. So postpartum depression and anxiety and OCD and all these other different kinds of mental health disorders, they can turn into psychosis. But psychosis is when you have suspended the connection to reality in such a way that you would do that heinous act, right? And why does it get to that point? Because we’re not getting enough sleep, we’re not supporting our families, not, you know, we’re not like creating this wrap around care for families. And dads need it too, you know, like we think, mom’s got postpartum depression. Dads get postpartum depression too. Nick McGowan (40:09.091)Yeah. Anne Wallen (40:22.797)sleep deprivation will do it to anybody. You don’t even have to have a baby. You sleep deprived somebody for long enough and they’re gonna experience depression and anxiety. And so being aware, preparing for having that help afterward, understanding what is it that your personal wounding might look like and how might that affect the way you’re gonna care for your baby. So for example, you mentioned abandonment. A lot of people have… Nick McGowan (40:30.456)Yeah. Anne Wallen (40:49.807)abandonment issues because of the whole put your baby to cry it out in the bed philosophy that was taught for a long time. It’s not taught anymore, shouldn’t be taught anymore, we know better now. But there’s a lot of adults walking around that that was the way they did it and they’re gonna hear from their mom and dad and everyone, you know, that’s how you should do it. So it feels really unnatural for a reason. Nick McGowan (40:54.585)Mm-hmm. Nick McGowan (41:09.026)Mm-hmm. Anne Wallen (41:14.435)It’s that little instinct, that little knowing that awakens in us when we have a baby that tells us, no, that’s not okay. My baby needs me, my baby. That sound is really grating on me. Why? Because it’s meant for us to do something about it. And so being able to look at, there’s a tool that I sometimes will use, it’s called the self-redemption cycle. Nick McGowan (41:27.543)Yeah. Anne Wallen (41:39.705)And you’re really, it’s like this little circle, right? It informs who you are. It informs yourself about who you are. But it takes the core hurt. Have you ever heard of this? So it takes the core hurt and then it looks at what emotions are drawn from that core hurt. And then it says, what are you seeking? What do those emotions tell you about what you’re seeking? And then what kind of behaviors are you gonna do to meet the thing or find the thing that you’re seeking? And then a lot of times those are unhealthy behaviors too. Nick McGowan (41:57.016)Mm-hmm. Anne Wallen (42:08.398)So then you create a new core hurt for yourself, only to do it all over again. And so it’s important for us to really be aware of what are the triggers, right? What are the things that make us feel abandoned or unloved or whatever our thing is, right? And then be able to work through those things because first of all, going into a birth situation, Nick McGowan (42:08.546)Mm-hmm. Anne Wallen (42:36.91)You have to advocate for yourself. You have to be able to speak for yourself. You have to be informed enough because we live in a profit driven medical society and you cannot, it’s not that you can’t trust doctors as individuals, but you can’t trust the system to have your back. The system is not built to your wellness. The system is to profit and wellness doesn’t bring profit. And so, Nick McGowan (42:55.81)Mm-hmm. Anne Wallen (43:06.616)You have, you know, a whole system that I don’t want to say is like designed against you, but you have to be wise going into that. If you’re going to have your baby in a hospital, which not everybody’s having babies in hospitals, I’ve had three at home myself, but if you are going to go into a hospital, you have to know what you’re getting yourself into. You have to know how to handle it. And it’s not the time to be defending yourself or standing up for yourself. you have to feel so safe to be vulnerable, to be able to open your body to let your baby out. And if you don’t, your labor will be dysfunctional. And that psychological piece, which is, I was saying before, like 80 to 85 % of your whole birth experience, it’s not physical. Physically, we breathe, we digest our food, we use the bathroom. We don’t need anybody to coach us how to do those things. We don’t need to read books on how to do those things. Our bodies know how to do it. And it’s the same way with birth. Our bodies know how to give birth. But there’s safety mechanisms built into the process, survival mechanisms. And one of those survival mechanisms is, is it safe out there? Is it safe for the baby who’s super, super vulnerable? Like you said, you know, we’re the only species that’s like, our baby comes out and they are completely and utterly dependent upon us for everything. Nick McGowan (44:30.444)Yeah. Anne Wallen (44:32.068)And so if our subconscious says, it’s not safe for that little vulnerable person to come out, it will shut down labor. And you can give it all the drugs you want. You can give it all the pitocin you want. It’s not gonna receive it. Your brain’s gonna shut down those pitocin receptors and say, nope, it’s not safe out there. She doesn’t like the doctor. Or the lights are too bright. Or yeah, or whatever the reason that’s triggering her. Nick McGowan (44:51.03)Politics. Yeah. Anne Wallen (44:58.884)you know, making her feel unsafe. And it could just be there’s a male doctor and she doesn’t feel comfortable around males in that way, right? And so it could be all kinds of things. As a doula and as a doula trainer, I have seen thousands of different scenarios where, you know, she might love her doctor and feel super safe with her doctor, but she gets to the hospital and guess what? It’s the person on call and she’s never even met them. Right, and now we have a hurdle to get over. And does she feel strong enough and confident in her ability enough to not let that affect her? Or is she, or does she not feel that way? Right, and in the moment, you’re just trying to hang on for dear life. You’re just having labor. You’re just trying to get through it, right? And so all these other psychological factors are really tough to have to. Nick McGowan (45:50.678)Peace. Anne Wallen (45:54.488)navigate, that’s why you’ve got to prepare ahead of time and really have somebody there, whether it’s your partner who’s very well versed and really, you know, knows what you want and is willing to stand up for you, or a doula, or you’re home with your midwife, you know, whatever your scenario, but it’s definitely not for the faint of heart, but it’s also not for someone who is just kinda coming at it willy nilly like, yeah, I got pregnant, yeah, I’m gonna have a baby, and yeah, we’re gonna do this thing called parenting. I mean, you can do it that way, but you’re gonna be on autopilot the whole time. Your reactions to things are not gonna be intentional and worked through the way that they should be for the betterment of your baby, right? Nick McGowan (46:32.246)Hmm. Nick McGowan (46:41.731)yeah. Anne Wallen (46:44.803)The best way to change life on Earth is to change the way we start, right? Nick McGowan (46:50.324)Yeah, what a good way to put that. And especially all of this ties in to so many different pieces, but it’s all similar. Like you go into some big situation, you have to be prepared, but you also need to understand about yourself. And there are people I’m sure that try their best to be as prepared as they can be. Again, I’ve had a few friends that are like, I’ve read every fucking book I could. I talked to everybody I could. Anne Wallen (46:58.522)Mm. Anne Wallen (47:14.777)Yeah. Nick McGowan (47:16.278)And I still expect to screw this kid up in some sort of way, because I’m going to say something weird or whatever. it’s like totally, like you’re just going to do what you’re going to do and your kid’s going to go how they’re going to go. But that’s the sort of like anti-matter in the middle of it. That’s like, well, all that stuff is just going to happen. But as long as you’re best prepared, you’re going to do what you can. Those people that are kind of wandering around that are like, well, we had a baby and like, I still don’t know my stuff or what’s going on. That. Anne Wallen (47:36.558)Yeah! Nick McGowan (47:45.714)level of self-awareness takes many, many, many blocks to get through to be able to get to that point. So the whole purpose of this show is to be able to help people on their path towards self-mastery and really figuring themselves out and living the best life that they can. So for the people that are on that path towards self-mastery, wanting to have a kid or have a kid or are still kind of reeling through the stuff that they’ve been through as a kid, how… What’s your advice for somebody that’s on their path towards self mastery that’s kind of going throughout all that? Anne Wallen (48:19.747)So the number one thing that you can do is to just nurture yourself, right? Nurturing and making it okay to get things wrong. Having self-forgiveness, having self-grace. Because as you go through these blocks, I could tell you just from my own personal experience that going through different, you know, looking at what has happened to me and saying, okay, this event, and I’m gonna sit with how this event makes me feel. until I can take away the power from it. And some people use counseling for that, some people use EMDR. I found EMDR super helpful. I think too, know, alongside having self-grace and having self-forgiveness, being with other people who are healthy psychologically is really important. If you are in a situation or a relationship that is kind of keeping you in I don’t want to say in abuse because maybe the relationship isn’t abusive, but maybe in a situation where you are constantly triggered or you are continually kind of repeating bad habits, right? And you’re recognizing that, but then you’re in this situation where they’re just triggering you and triggering you and triggering you. You got to get away from it to be able to heal it. It’s so tough. to be able to heal something while you’re in the midst of reaction. And honestly, you know, we talked about the word narcissism and the word trauma and things like that. One of the most powerful ways that I feel like people can heal from stuff and actually keep digging into their past and finding the next thing, right? Like, okay, well, I healed from this and now what? What’s the next thing? Nick McGowan (50:17.15)Mm-hmm. Anne Wallen (50:17.325)You’re subconscious, two things. One, I really believe that your subconscious will always answer you. And before you even finish the sentence, right, you know the answer. That’s your intuition, you can trust it. Right, so being able to say, what’s the thing that is really holding me back right now? You know it, your subconscious just told you what it was, right? And then going through that, working on that, focusing on that. The other thing is, is that for people, A really powerful tool for us to get understanding about something is labeling. So when you are, let’s say narcissism, when you are looking at narcissism, you can say, hey, here’s a behavior. This makes me feel uncomfortable. What is this? Why does this make me feel uncomfortable? it’s gaslighting. I’ve got a word for that. Nick McGowan (50:52.861)Mm-hmm. Nick McGowan (51:08.148)hehe Anne Wallen (51:09.977)Right? I’ve got a word for the bandwagoning technique. I’ve got a word for flying monkeys. I’ve got a word for all these different things. Right? And so being able to look at your shit and having a label for the different things that you’re experiencing, having a label for the different reactions that you might be having. Number one, it helps you to understand it. It helps you have a little more power over those things rather than it having power over you. But then also, you know, we can Google it. If you have a word that you’re like, my goodness, you know, this thing is really just triggering me. Why does it trigger me? Okay, comes, I can see that it’s stemming back from this thing that happened to me. And like I said, just ask yourself the questions. Just keep asking yourself the questions. And when your subconscious tells you this is what it was, then you can look it up, right? One of the reasons why I learned about narcissism is because I was Googling, why doesn’t my husband like me? How sad is that that you got to ask that question? But I soon found out that it’s one of the list of things in the narcissistic playbook. And so then you start to realize, this behavior happened at this point in my life and at that point in my life and at that point in my life. And because you have a label for it, you can start to identify the root cause. And that’s where you can kind of start taking your power back. Nick McGowan (52:35.719)Yeah. Anne Wallen (52:38.456)and you can rework the programming that’s going on in your head. And so then you’re no longer a robot, just on autopilot. You can have a moment, you could take a moment to pause and say, I’m not gonna respond like that anymore. I’m gonna, I look, I see it for what it is now. And I’m not gonna let that do this thing to me. And I’m not gonna let that do that thing to my child, because I’m not gonna respond the same way anymore. Nick McGowan (52:54.547)Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Anne Wallen (53:08.132)And I’ll tell you what, every kid, I really believe this, every child is born to bring the balance. So like if you have, and I apologize for all the noise in the background, I am in New York City. I don’t know if you hear the sirens. They’re about to come right in front of my building, I could tell. All right, they’re gone. Okay, so. Nick McGowan (53:08.231)Yeah. Nick McGowan (53:30.483)Alright. Anne Wallen (53:35.074)give them a second. So when you have, you know, these, this labeling and when you have this balance that the child is bringing into the family, you know, you, you might say, that kid’s a, that’s a wild child or whatever. A wild child compared to what? Maybe you have very placid parents, right? And then the child’s just bringing the balance. They bring in the party. Or you have parents who are, you know, maybe really Nick McGowan (53:35.155)They’re good. Nick McGowan (54:00.989)you Anne Wallen (54:05.061)just super extroverted and then you get this little introverted child because they’re bringing the balance or you have two kids, right? I’ve had my two boys, they’re kind of like in the early middle of the six of them and I had one that was like large muscle. You tell him to dig a hole, he’s gonna be like, how deep and how big and tell me where to go and I’m on it, right? And then you got the next kid. who was very small motor skills, very artistic, you know, just like super minute focus, right? And you tell him to dig a hole and he’d be like, I don’t know how to dig a hole, right? So like they’re opposites, but this is what happens in family structures. It’s like the kid comes in and they fill the gap of what’s missing. This can get tricky if you have stuff that you haven’t worked on in the past, because guess what? Nick McGowan (54:48.443)Mm-hmm. Anne Wallen (55:02.852)Kids also bring the triggers. So for example, my nine-year-old, love her to pieces, she’s really different from me. It’s a challenge sometimes to be her parent because I don’t know what to do with her half the time because she’s just so different from me. And so that in itself is a little bit of a trigger. And so as a parent, when you are trying to learn, because a lot of times we think, oh, we’re here to Nick McGowan (55:18.096)Hmm. Nick McGowan (55:24.272)Yeah. Anne Wallen (55:32.696)you know, mold and shape this person. But I want to challenge that perception. I think we’re really here to figure out who this person is and help them to be the best of whoever it is that they’re supposed to be. And we’re not really supposed to be directing that all that much at all. Right. And so that also can be really tricky if you don’t know who you are. Right. If you’re if your stuff Nick McGowan (55:57.893)Yeah. Anne Wallen (56:01.496)goes into identifying as, I worthy? Should I speak up? Do I have to fight for stuff? All the different things that go on as a child inside of you, your child, it’s gonna be mirrored back to you. And if you haven’t figured those things out, if you didn’t figure them out as a child, how are you gonna have answers for your kid when they’re going through the same thing? So. getting into and really just there’s actually a book for if you’re pregnant now or if you’re looking at getting pregnant, there’s a book called birthing from within. It’s kind of a whole system. I really like it because it kind of digs into the psychological aspect of, you know, this labyrinth of how were you created mentally, emotionally, and then how are you going to walk or step into parenthood, you know, as a person who can be there for your kid in all these different ways that you’re gonna have, it’s gonna be demanded upon you whether or not you have the skills to meet the needs or not, right? Yeah. Nick McGowan (57:05.967)Yeah, whether you like it or not. man, there’s so much to that. And again, I’m not going to have kids ever. I’m no longer equipped to. And I can think about how these things relate to us as people without kids because we were kids at one point and this ties back. Even the two kids that you have that you talked about, you literally just described my brother and myself. And my dad was like, Anne Wallen (57:25.112)Yeah. Nick McGowan (57:34.359)I understand the one who can dig the holes. I don’t understand why you’re building things and you’re painting. What the hell is this about? I’m gonna stick with the one over here because that makes sense and parents can go to that. They can look at that and they can do those things. But I really appreciate that you’re challenging people to understand the most about themselves and where their things have come from so that they don’t really bring them into anything further unless they go, hey, I learned this before cause I went through some shit. Anne Wallen (57:56.334)Mm-hmm. Nick McGowan (58:03.077)Here’s how you go about it a little differently, but you do you kid and I’m here to support you. I think that’s a crucial thing that you really pointed out and I appreciate you pointing that out. This has been awesome to have you on today and I appreciate you being with us. Before I let you go, where can people find you and where can they connect with you? Anne Wallen (58:08.109)Yeah. Nick McGowan (58:27.194)Did I totally cut out there? Awesome. So I’d asked where can people find you and where can they connect with you? Anne Wallen (58:36.484)Well, I am like I said the director of maternity wise you can find me there. That’s easy maternity wise calm just like that And you can also find me. I’m a contributor to brains magazine So I have several articles published there and if you want to find me on LinkedIn, I’m Anne Wallen. So hey Nick McGowan (58:58.896)Again, Ann, it’s been great having you on today. I appreciate your time. Anne Wallen (59:01.988)Thank you.

Honestly so real and raw. Baylee and I both trying to have a conversation, but also being interrupted by our littles. Sharing our motherhood journey's, the invisible load and responsibilities that come with it.

The Uber ride from absolute hell... let's re-live it all over again shall we? We were convinced that we were moments away from being kidnapped. Honestly? Who has the time? LINKS Follow @alrighthey on all socials Follow @brittney_saunders on all socials Follow @novapodcastsofficial on Instagram Email us HERE scrollers@novapodcasts.com.au CREDITSHosts: Alright Hey and Brittney SaundersExecutive Producer: Xander CrossDigital Content Producer: Brittany Birt Nova Entertainment acknowledges the traditional custodians of the land on which we recorded this podcast, the Gadigal People of the Eora Nation. We pay our respect to Elders past and present.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A weekly magazine-style radio show featuring the voices and stories of Asians and Pacific Islanders from all corners of our community. The show is produced by a collective of media makers, deejays, and activists. Tonight's show features Asian Refugees United and Lavender Phoenix in conversation about art, culture, and organizing, and how artists help us imagine and build liberation. Important Links: Lavender Phoenix: Website | Instagram Asian Refugees United: Website | Instagram | QTViệt Cafe Collective Transcript: Cheryl: Hey everyone. Good evening. You tuned in to APEX Express. I'm your host, Cheryl, and tonight is an AACRE Night. AACRE, which is short for Asian Americans for Civil Rights and Equality is a network made up of 11 Asian American social justice organizations who work together to build long-term movements for justice. Across the AACRE network, our groups are organizing against deportations, confronting anti-blackness, xenophobia, advancing language justice, developing trans and queer leaders, and imagine new systems of safety and care. It's all very good, very important stuff. And all of this from the campaigns to the Organizing to Movement building raises a question that I keep coming back to, which is, where does art live In all of this, Acts of resistance do not only take place in courtrooms or city halls. It takes place wherever people are still able to imagine. It is part of how movements survive and and grow. Art is not adjacent to revolution, but rather it is one of its most enduring forms, and tonight's show sits in that very spirit, and I hope that by the end of this episode, maybe you'll see what I mean. I;d like to bring in my friends from Lavender Phoenix, a trans queer API organization, building people power in the Bay Area, who are also a part of the AACRE Network. This summer, Lavender Phoenix held a workshop that got right to the heart of this very question that we're sitting with tonight, which is what is the role of the artist in social movements? As they were planning the workshop, they were really inspired by a quote from Toni Cade Bambara, who in an interview from 1982 said, as a cultural worker who belongs to an oppressed people, my job is to make the revolution irresistible. So that raises a few questions worth slowing down for, which are, who was Toni Cade Bambara? What does it mean to be a cultural organizer and why does that matter? Especially in this political moment? Lavender Phoenix has been grappling with these questions in practice, and I think they have some powerful answers to share. So without further ado, I'd like to introduce you to angel who is a member of Lavender Phoenix. Angel: My name is Angel. I use he and she pronouns, and I'm part of the communications committee at LavNix. So, let's explore what exactly is the meaning of cultural work.  Cultural workers are the creators of narratives through various forms of artistic expression, and we literally drive the production of culture. Cultural work reflects the perspectives and attitudes of artists and therefore the people and communities that they belong to. Art does not exist in a vacuum. You may have heard the phrase before. Art is always political. It serves a purpose to tell a story, to document the times to perpetuate and give longevity to ideas. It may conform to the status quo or choose to resist it. I wanted to share a little bit about one cultural worker who's made a really big impact and paved the way for how we think about cultural work and this framework. Toni Cade Bambara was a black feminist, cultural worker, writer, and organizer whose literary work celebrated black art, culture and life, and radically supported a movement for collective liberation. She believed that it's the artist's role to serve the community they belong to, and that an artist is of no higher status than a factory worker, social worker, or teacher. Is the idea of even reframing art making as cultural work. Reclaimed the arts from the elite capitalist class and made clear that it is work, it does not have more value than or take precedence over any other type of movement work. This is a quote from an interview from 1982 when Toni Cade Bambara said, as a cultural worker who belongs to an oppressed people, my job is to make revolution irresistible. But in this country, we're not encouraged and equipped at any particular time to view things that way. And so the artwork or the art practice that sells that capitalist ideology is considered art. And anything that deviates from that is considered political, propagandist, polemical, or didactic, strange, weird, subversive or ugly. Cheryl: After reading that quote, angel then invited the workshop participants to think about what that means for them. What does it mean to make the revolution irresistible? After giving people a bit of time to reflect, angel then reads some of the things that were shared in the chat. Angel: I want my art to point out the inconsistencies within our society to surprised, enraged, elicit a strong enough reaction that they feel they must do something. Cheryl: Another person said, Angel: I love that art can be a way of bridging relationships. Connecting people together, building community. Cheryl: And someone else said. Angel: I want people to feel connected to my art, find themselves in it, and have it make them think and realize that they have the ability to do something themselves. Cheryl: I think what is rather striking in these responses that Angel has read aloud to what it means to make art that makes the revolution irresistible isn't just aesthetics alone, but rather its ability to help us connect and communicate and find one another to enact feelings and responses in each other. It's about the way it makes people feel implicated and connected and also capable of acting. Tony Cade Bambara when she poses that the role of cultural workers is to make the revolution irresistible is posing to us a challenge to tap into our creativity and create art that makes people unable to return comfortably to the world as is, and it makes revolution necessary, desirable not as an abstract idea, but as something people can want and move towards  now I'm going to invite Jenica, who is the cultural organizer at Lavender Phoenix to break down for us why we need cultural work in this political moment. . Speaker: Jenica: So many of us as artists have really internalized the power of art and are really eager to connect it to the movement.  This section is about answering this question of why is cultural work important.  Cultural work plays a really vital role in organizing and achieving our political goals, right? So if our goal is to advance radical solutions to everyday people, we also have to ask ourselves how are we going to reach those peoples? Ideas of revolution and liberation are majorly inaccessible to the masses, to everyday people. Families are being separated. Attacks on the working class are getting worse and worse. How are we really propping up these ideas of revolution, especially right in America, where propaganda for the state, for policing, for a corrupt government runs really high. Therefore our messaging in political organizing works to combat that propaganda. So in a sense we have to make our own propaganda. So let's look at this term together. Propaganda is art that we make that accurately reflects and makes people aware of the true nature of the conditions of their oppression and inspires them to take control of transforming this condition. We really want to make art that seeks to make the broader society aware of its implications in the daily violences, facilitated in the name of capitalism, imperialism, and shows that error of maintaining or ignoring the status quo. So it's really our goal to arm people with the tools to better struggle against their own points of views, their ways of thinking, because not everyone is already aligned with like revolution already, right? No one's born an organizer. No one's born 100% willing to be in this cause. So, we really focus on the creative and cultural processes, as artists build that revolutionary culture. Propaganda is really a means of liberation. It's an instrument to help clarify information education and a way to mobilize our people. And not only that, our cultural work can really model to others what it's like to envision a better world for ourselves, right? Our imagination can be so expansive when it comes to creating art. As organizers and activists when we create communication, zines, et cetera, we're also asking ourselves, how does this bring us one step closer to revolution? How are we challenging the status quo? So this is exactly what our role as artists is in this movement. It's to create propaganda that serves two different purposes. One, subvert the enemy and cultivate a culture that constantly challenges the status quo. And also awaken and mobilize the people. How can we, through our art, really uplift the genuine interests of the most exploited of people of the working class, of everyday people who are targets of the state and really empower those whose stories are often kept outside of this master narrative. Because when they are talked about, people in power will often misrepresent marginalized communities. An example of this, Lavender Phoenix, a couple years ago took up this campaign called Justice for Jaxon Sales. Trigger warning here, hate crime, violence against queer people and death. Um, so Jaxon Sales was a young, queer, Korean adoptee living in the Bay Area who went on a blind like dating app date and was found dead the next morning in a high-rise apartment in San Francisco. Lavender Phoenix worked really closely and is still connected really closely with Jaxon's parents, Jim and Angie Solas to really fight, and organize for justice for Jaxon and demand investigation into what happened to him and his death, and have answers for his family. I bring that up, this campaign because when his parents spoke to the chief medical examiner in San Francisco, they had told his family Jaxon died of an accidental overdose he was gay. Like gay people just these kinds of drugs. So that was the narrative that was being presented to us from the state. Like literally, their own words: he's dead because he's gay. And our narrative, as we continue to organize and support his family, was to really address the stigma surrounding drug use. Also reiterating the fact that justice was deserved for Jaxon, and that no one should ever have to go through this. We all deserve to be safe, that a better world is possible. So that's an example of combating the status quo and then uplifting the genuine interest of our people and his family. One of our key values at Lavender Phoenix is honoring our histories, because the propaganda against our own people is so intense. I just think about the everyday people, the working class, our immigrant communities and ancestors, other queer and trans people of color that really fought so hard to have their story told. So when we do this work and think about honoring our histories, let's also ask ourselves what will we do to keep those stories alive? Cheryl: We're going to take a quick music break and listen to some music by Namgar, an international ethno music collective that fuses traditional Buryat and Mongolian music with pop, jazz, funk, ambient soundscapes, and art- pop. We'll be back in just a moment with more after we listen to “part two” by Namgar.    Cheryl: Welcome back.  You are tuned in to APEX express on 94.1 KPFA and 89.3 KPFB B in Berkeley and online at kpfa.org.  That song you just heard was “part two” by Namgar, an incredible four- piece Buryat- Mongolian ensemble that is revitalizing and preserving the Buryat language and culture through music. For those just tuning in tonight's episode of APEX Express is all about the role of the artist in social movements. We're joined by members of Lavender Phoenix, often referred to as LavNix, which is a grassroots organization in the Bay Area building Trans and queer API Power. You can learn more about their work in our show notes. We talked about why cultural work is a core part of organizing. We grounded that conversation in the words of Toni Cade Bambara, who said in a 1982 interview, as a cultural worker who belongs to an oppressed people, my job is to make revolution irresistible. We unpacked what that looks like in practice and lifted up Lavender Phoenix's Justice for Jaxon Sales campaign as a powerful example of cultural organizing, which really demonstrates how art and narrative work and cultural work are essential to building power Now Jenica from Levner Phoenix is going to walk us through some powerful examples of cultural organizing that have occurred in social movements across time and across the world. Speaker: Jenica: Now we're going to look at some really specific examples of powerful cultural work in our movements. For our framework today, we'll start with an international example, then a national one, a local example, and then finally one from LavNix. As we go through them, we ask that you take notes on what makes these examples, impactful forms of cultural work. How does it subvert the status quo? How is it uplifting the genuine interest of the people? Our international example is actually from the Philippines. Every year, the Corrupt Philippines president delivers a state of the nation address to share the current conditions of the country. However, on a day that the people are meant to hear about the genuine concrete needs of the Filipino masses, they're met instead with lies and deceit that's broadcasted and also built upon like years of disinformation and really just feeds the selfish interests of the ruling class and the imperialist powers. In response to this, every year, BAYAN, which is an alliance in the Philippines with overseas chapters here in the US as well. Their purpose is to fight for the national sovereignty and genuine democracy in the Philippines, they hold a Peoples' State of the Nation Address , or PSONA, to protest and deliver the genuine concerns and demands of the masses. So part of PSONA are effigies. Effigies have been regular fixtures in protest rallies, including PSONA. So for those of you who don't know, an effigy is a sculptural representation, often life size of a hated person or group. These makeshift dummies are used for symbolic punishment in political protests, and the figures are often burned. In the case of PSONA, these effigies are set on fire by protestors criticizing government neglect, especially of the poor. Lisa Ito, who is a progressive artists explained that the effigy is constructed not only as a mockery of the person represented, but also of the larger system that his or her likeness embodies. Ito pointed out that effigies have evolved considerably as a form of popular protest art in the Philippines, used by progressive people's movements, not only to entertain, but also to agitate, mobilize and capture the sentiments of the people. This year, organizers created this effigy that they titled ‘ZomBBM,' ‘Sara-nanggal' . This is a play on words calling the corrupt president of the Philippines, Bongbong Marcos, or BBM, a zombie. And the vice president Sara Duterte a Manananggal, which is a, Filipino vampire to put it in short, brief words. Organizers burnt this effigy as a symbol of DK and preservation of the current ruling class. I love this effigy so much. You can see BBM who's depicted like his head is taken off and inside of his head is Trump because he's considered like a puppet president of the Philippines just serving US interests. Awesome. I'm gonna pass it to Angel for our national perspective. Angel: Our next piece is from the national perspective and it was in response to the AIDS crisis. The global pandemic of HIV AIDS began in 1981 and continues today. AIDS is the late stage of HIV infection, human immunodeficiency virus, and this crisis has been marked largely by government indifference, widespread stigma against gay people, and virtually no federal funding towards research or services for everyday people impacted. There was a really devastating lack of public attention about the seriousness of HIV. The Ronald Reagan administration treated the crisis as a joke because of its association with gay men, and Reagan didn't even publicly acknowledge AIDS until 19 85, 4 years into the pandemic. Thousands of HIV positive people across backgrounds and their supporters organize one of the most influential patient advocacy groups in history. They called themselves the AIDS Coalition to Unleash Power or ACT up. They ultimately organize and force the government and the scientific community to fundamentally change the way medical research is conducted. Paving the way for the discovery of a treatment that today keeps alive, an estimated half million HIV positive Americans and millions more worldwide. Sarah Schulman, a writer and former member of ACT Up, wrote a list of ACT UPS achievements, including changing the CDC C'S definition of aids to include women legalizing needle exchange in New York City and establishing housing services for HIV positive unhoused people. To highlight some cultural work within ACT Up, the AIDS activist artist Collective Grand Fury formed out of ACT Up and CR and created works for the public sphere that drew attention to the medical, moral and public issues related to the AIDS crisis. Essentially, the government was fine with the mass deaths and had a large role in the active killing off of people who are not just queer, but people who are poor working class and of color. We still see parallels in these roadblocks. Today, Trump is cutting public healthcare ongoing, and in recent memory, the COVID crisis, the political situation of LGBTQ people then and now is not divorced from this class analysis. So in response, we have the AIDS Memorial Quilt, this collective installation memorializes people who died in the US from the AIDS crisis and from government neglect. Each panel is dedicated to a life lost and created by hand by their friends, family, loved ones, and community. This artwork was originally conceived by Cleve Jones in SF for the 1985 candlelight March, and later it was expanded upon and displayed in Washington DC in 1987. Its enormity demonstrated the sheer number at which queer folk were killed in the hiv aids crisis, as well as created a space in the public for dialogue about the health disparities that harm and silence our community. Today, it's returned home to San Francisco and can be accessed through an interactive online archive. 50,000 individual panels and around a hundred thousand names make up the patchwork quilt, which is insane, and it's one of the largest pieces of grassroots community art in the world. Moving on to a more local perspective. In the Bay Area, we're talking about the Black Panther Party. So in October of 1966 in Oakland, California, Huey Newton and Bobby Seale founded the Black Panther Party for self-defense. The Panthers practiced militant self-defense of black communities against the US government and fought to establish socialism through organizing and community-based programs. The Black Panthers began by organizing arm patrols of black people to monitor the Oakland Police Department and challenge rampant rampant police brutality. At its peak, the party had offices in 68 cities and thousands of members. The party's 10 point program was a set of demands, guidelines, and values, calling for self-determination, full employment of black people, and the end of exploitation of black workers housing for all black people, and so much more. The party's money programs directly addressed their platform as they instituted a free B Breakfast for Children program to address food scarcity Founded community health clinics to address the lack of adequate, adequate healthcare for black people and treat sickle cell anemia, tuberculosis, and HIV aids and more. The cultural work created by the Black Panther Party included the Black Panther Party newspaper known as the Black Panther. It was a four page newsletter in Oakland, California in 1967. It was the main publication of the party and was soon sold in several large cities across the US as well as having an international readership. The Black Panther issue number two. The newspaper, distributed information about the party's activities and expressed through articles, the ideology of the Black Panther Party, focusing on both international revolutions as inspiration and contemporary racial struggles of African Americans across the United States. Solidarity with other resistance movements was a major draw for readers. The paper's international section reported on liberation struggles across the world. Under Editor-in-Chief, David Du Bois, the stepson of WEB Du Bois, the section deepened party support for revolutionary efforts in South Africa and Cuba. Copies of the paper traveled abroad with students and activists and were tra translated into Hebrew and Japanese. It reflected that the idea of resistance to police oppression had spread like wildfire. Judy Juanita, a former editor in Chief Ads, it shows that this pattern of oppression was systemic. End quote. Paper regularly featured fiery rhetoric called out racist organizations and was unabashed in its disdain for the existing political system. Its first cover story reported on the police killing of Denzel Doel, a 22-year-old black man in Richmond, California. In all caps, the paper stated, brothers and sisters, these racist murders are happening every day. They could happen to any one of us. And it became well known for its bold cover art, woodcut style images of protestors, armed panthers, and police depicted as bloodied pigs. Speaker: Jenica: I'm gonna go into the LavNix example of cultural work that we've done. For some context, we had mentioned that we are taking up this campaign called Care Not Cops. Just to give some brief background to LavNix, as systems have continued to fail us, lavender Phoenix's work has always been about the safety of our communities. We've trained people in deescalation crisis intervention set up counseling networks, right? Then in 2022, we had joined the Sales family to fight for justice for Jaxon Sales. And with them we demanded answers for untimely death from the sheriff's department and the medical examiner. Something we noticed during that campaign is that every year we watch as people in power vote on another city budget that funds the same institutions that hurt our people and steal money from our communities. Do people know what the budget is for the San Francisco Police Department? Every year, we see that city services and programs are gutted. Meanwhile, this year, SFPD has $849 million, and the sheriff has $345 million. So, honestly, policing in general in the city is over $1 billion. And they will not experience any cuts. Their bloated budgets will remain largely intact. We've really been watching, Mayor Lurie , his first months and like, honestly like first more than half a year, with a lot of concern. We've seen him declare the unlawful fentanyl state of emergency, which he can't really do, and continue to increase police presence downtown. Ultimately we know that mayor Lurie and our supervisors need to hear from us everyday people who demand care, not cops. So that leads me into our cultural work. In March of this year, lavender Phoenix had collaborated with youth organizations across the city, youth groups from Chinese Progressive Association, PODER, CYC, to host a bilingual care, not cops, zine making workshop for youth. Our organizers engaged with the youth with agitating statistics on the egregious SFPD budget, and facilitated a space for them to warm up their brains and hearts to imagine a world without prisons and policing. And to really further envision one that centers on care healing for our people, all through art. What I really learned is that working class San Francisco youth are the ones who really know the city's fascist conditions the most intimately. It's clear through their zine contributions that they've really internalized these intense forms of policing in the schools on the streets with the unhoused, witnessing ice raids and fearing for their families. The zine was really a collective practice with working class youth where they connected their own personal experiences to the material facts of policing in the city, the budget, and put those experiences to paper.   Cheryl: Hey everyone. Cheryl here. So we've heard about Effigies in the Philippines, the AIDS Memorial Quilt, the Black Panther Party's newspaper, the Black Panther and Lavender Phoenix's Care Cop zine. Through these examples, we've learned about cultural work and art and narrative work on different scales internationally, nationally, locally and organizationally. With lavender Phoenix. What we're seeing is across movements across time. Cultural work has always been central to organizing. We're going to take another music break, but when we return, I'll introduce you to our next speaker. Hai, from Asian Refugees United, who will walk us through, their creative practice, which is food, as a form of cultural resistance, and we'll learn about how food ways can function as acts of survival, resistance, and also decolonization. So stay with us more soon when we return.   Cheryl: And we're back!!. You're listening to APEX express on 94.1 KPFA, 89.3 KPFB in Berkeley. 88.1. KFCF in Fresno and online@kpfa.org. That was “Juniper” by Minjoona, a project led by Korean American musician, Jackson Wright.  huge thanks to Jackson and the whole crew behind that track.  I am here with Hai from Asian Refugees United, who is a member QTViet Cafe Collective. A project under Asian Refugees United. QTViet Viet Cafe is a creative cultural hub that is dedicated to queer and trans viet Liberation through ancestral practices, the arts and intergenerational connection. This is a clip from what was a much longer conversation. This episode is all about the role of the artist in social movements and I think Hai brings a very interesting take to the conversation. Hai (ARU): I think that what is helping me is one, just building the muscle. So when we're so true to our vision and heart meets mind and body. So much of what QTViet Cafe is, and by extension Asian refugees and like, we're really using our cultural arts and in many ways, whether that's movement or poetry or written word or song or dance. And in many ways I've had a lot of experience in our food ways, and reclaiming those food ways. That's a very embodied experience. We're really trying to restore wholeness and health and healing in our communities, in our bodies and our minds and our families and our communities that have been displaced because of colonization, imperialism, capitalism. And so how do we restore, how do we have a different relationship and how do we restore? I think that from moving from hurt to healing is life and art. And so we need to take risk and trying to define life through art and whatever means that we can to make meaning and purpose and intention. I feel like so much of what art is, is trying to make meaning of the hurt in order to bring in more healing in our lives. For so long, I think I've been wanting a different relationship to food. For example, because I grew up section eight, food stamps, food bank. My mom and my parents doing the best they could, but also, yeah, grew up with Viet food, grew up with ingredients for my parents making food, mostly my mom that weren't necessarily all the best. And I think compared to Vietnam, where it's easier access. And there's a different kind of system around, needs around food and just easier access, more people are involved around the food system in Vietnam I think growing up in Turtle Island and seeing my parents struggle not just with food, but just with money and jobs it's just all connected. And I think that impacted my journey and. My own imbalance around health and I became a byproduct of diabetes and high cholesterol and noticed that in my family. So when I noticed, when I had type two diabetes when I was 18, made the conscious choice to, I knew I needed to have some type of, uh, I need to have a different relationship to my life and food included and just like cut soda, started kind of what I knew at the time, exercising as ways to take care of my body. And then it's honestly been now a 20 year journey of having a different relationship to not just food, but health and connection to mind, body, spirit. For me, choosing to have a different relationship in my life, like that is a risk. Choosing to eat something different like that is both a risk and an opportunity. For me that's like part of movement building like you have to. Be so in tune with my body to notice and the changes that are needed in order to live again. When I noticed, you know, , hearing other Viet folks experiencing diet related stuff and I think knowing what I know also, like politically around what's happening around our food system, both for the vie community here and also in Vietnam, how do we, how can this regular act of nourishing ourselves both be not just in art, something that should actually just honestly be an everyday need and an everyday symbol of caregiving and caretaking and care that can just be part of our everyday lives. I want a world where, it's not just one night where we're tasting the best and eating the best and being nourished, just in one Saturday night, but that it's just happening all the time because we're in right relationship with ourselves and each other and the earth that everything is beauty and we don't have to take so many risks because things are already in its natural divine. I think it takes being very conscious of our circumstances and our surroundings and our relationships with each other for that to happen. I remember reading in my early twenties, reading the role of, bring Coke basically to Vietnam during the war. I was always fascinated like, why are, why is Coke like on Viet altars all the time? And I always see them in different places. Whenever I would go back to Vietnam, I remember when I was seven and 12. Going to a family party and the classic shiny vinyl plastic, floral like sheet on a round table and the stools, and then these beautiful platters of food. But I'm always like, why are we drinking soda or coke and whatever else? My dad and the men and then my family, like drinking beer. And I was like, why? I've had periods in my life when I've gotten sick, physically and mentally sick. Those moments open up doors to take the risk and then also the opportunity to try different truth or different path. When I was 23 and I had just like crazy eczema and psoriasis and went back home to my parents for a while and I just started to learn about nourishing traditions, movement. I was Very critical of the us traditional nutrition ideas of what good nutrition is and very adamantly like opposing the food pyramid. And then in that kind of research, I was one thinking well, they're talking about the science of broths and like soups and talking about hard boiling and straining the broth and getting the gunk on the top. And I'm like, wait, my mom did that. And I was starting to connect what has my mom known culturally that now like science is catching up, you know? And then I started just reading, you know, like I think that my mom didn't know the sign mom. I was like, asked my mom like, did you know about this? And she's like, I mean, I just, this is, is like what ba ngoai said, you know? And so I'm like, okay, so culturally this, this is happening scientifically. This is what's being shared. And then I started reading about the politics of US-centric upheaval of monocultural agriculture essentially. When the US started to do the industrial Revolution and started to basically grow wheat and soy and just basically make sugar to feed lots of cows and create sugar to be put in products like Coke was one of them. And, and then, yeah, that was basically a way for the US government to make money from Vietnam to bring that over, to Vietnam. And that was introduced to our culture. It's just another wave of imperialism and colonization. And sadly, we know what, overprocessed, like refined sugars can do to our health. And sadly, I can't help but make the connections with what happened. In many ways, food and sugar are introduced through these systems of colonization and imperialism are so far removed from what we ate pre colonization. And so, so much of my journey around food has been, you know, it's not even art, it's just like trying to understand, how do we survive and we thrive even before so many. And you know, in some ways it is art. 'cause I making 40 pounds of cha ga for event, , the fish cake, like, that's something that, that our people have been doing for a long time and hand making all that. And people love the dish and I'm really glad that people enjoyed it and mm, it's like, oh yeah, it's art. But it's what people have been doing to survive and thrive for long, for so long, you know? , We have the right to be able to practice our traditional food ways and we have the right for food sovereignty and food justice. And we have the right to, by extension, like have clean waters and hospitable places to live and for our animal kin to live and for our plant kin to be able to thrive. bun cha ga, I think like it's an artful hopeful symbol of what is seasonal and relevant and culturally symbolic of our time. I think that, yes, the imminent, violent, traumatic war that are happening between people, in Vietnam and Palestine and Sudan. Honestly, like here in America. That is important. And I think we need to show, honestly, not just to a direct violence, but also very indirect violence on our bodies through the food that we're eating. Our land and waters are living through indirect violence with just like everyday pollutants and top soil being removed and industrialization. And so I think I'm just very cognizant of the kind of everyday art ways, life ways, ways of being that I think that are important to be aware of and both practice as resistance against the forces that are trying to strip away our livelihood every day. Cheryl: We just heard from Hai of Asian refugees United who shared about how food ways function as an embodied form of cultural work that is rooted in memory and also survival and healing. Hai talked about food as a practice and art that is lived in the body and is also shaped by displacement and colonization and capitalism and imperialism. I shared that through their journey with QTV at Cafe and Asian Refugees United. High was able to reflect on reclaiming traditional food ways as a way to restore health and wholeness and relationship to our bodies and to our families, to our communities, and to the earth. High. Also, traced out illness and imbalance as deeply connected to political systems that have disrupted ancestral knowledge and instead introduced extractive food systems and normalized everyday forms of soft violence through what we consume and the impact it has on our land. And I think the most important thing I got from our conversation was that high reminded us that nourishing ourselves can be both an act of care, an art form, and an act of resistance. And what we call art is often what people have always done to survive and thrive Food. For them is a practice of memory, and it's also a refusal of erasure and also a very radical vision of food sovereignty and healing and collective life outside of colonial violence and harm. As we close out tonight's episode, I want to return to the question that has guided us from the beginning, which is, what is the role of the artist in social movements? What we've heard tonight from Tony Cade Bambara call to make revolution irresistible to lavender Phoenix's cultural organizing here, internationally to Hai, reflections on food ways, and nourishing ourselves as resistance. It is Really clear to me. Art is not separate from struggle. It is how people make sense of systems of violence and carry memory and also practice healing and reimagining new worlds in the middle of ongoing violence. Cultural work helps our movements. Endure and gives us language when words fail, or ritual when grief is heavy, and practices that connect us, that reconnect us to our bodies and our histories and to each other. So whether that's through zines, or songs or murals, newspapers, or shared meals, art is a way of liberation again and again. I wanna thank all of our speakers today, Jenica, Angel. From Lavender Phoenix. Hi, from QTV Cafe, Asian Refugees United, And I also wanna thank you, our listeners for staying with us. You've been listening to Apex Express on KPFA. Take care of yourselves, take care of each other, and keep imagining the world that we're trying to build. That's important stuff. Cheryl Truong (she/they): Apex express is produced by Miko Lee, Paige Chung, Jalena Keane-Lee, Preeti Mangala Shekar. Shekar, Anuj Vaidya, Kiki Rivera, Swati Rayasam, Nate Tan, Hien Nguyen, Nikki Chan, and Cheryl Truong  Cheryl Truong: Tonight's show was produced by me, cheryl. Thanks to the team at KPFA for all of their support. And thank you for listening!  The post APEX Express – January 1, 2026 – The Role of the Artist in Social Movements appeared first on KPFA.

Quaranteam - Dave In Dallas: Part 11 Cleanup: The Air Force arrives with a mop. Based on a post by RonanJWilkerson, in 12 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Explicit Novels. Dave's second quandary was his position, nearly on the middle of the pad, left him seriously exposed. Applying the aggressiveness taught by Carter, he knew Liv had him protected to the right, so he closed with the occupied building, moving to the far corner. A quick look showed him there were again two doors, like the other building. And two men emerging from the far door. Turning their backs to him as they followed a third man who was just rounding the opposite corner. That put him out of Dave's sight, but into Liv's. As the men receded, Dave fired into their backs. Neither was at a sprint, so they fell forward without the dramatic tumbling of the earlier target. A simultaneous rifle crack announced the death of the lead in that trio. He paused. Dave couldn't hear any sounds coming from the building. He remained wary, uneasy. How many more will it take? He waited. An eternity later, the door on one of the smaller buildings slowly opened. Two hands held high and outward came into view, followed by the woman they were attached to. She moved slowly. She was too far away for Dave to read her facial expression but she was giving all the big outward signs of surrender. Two more women exited another of the smaller buildings. One was an average build, the other rotund. The latter's feet seemed reluctant to move. Great. Don't know if there's anyone left in the big building, and now I have unknowns coming in from the houses. Other women began issuing from what must be the dwellings. Eight in all. As they neared, most had curious, guarded expressions on their faces. The big one had a look like she rarely smiled, ever. "Alright, that's close enough! Just stop where you are. Pick a leader and send her forward." There was a brief discussion which resulted in a medium height brunette walking towards him. The third woman out glared daggers into the back of the brunette's skull. The angry one argued hard with all of them, but none seemed interested in anything she had to say. Dave waited until the brunette reached easy speaking distance. "Stop right there. What's your name?" "Sandy." "How many of you are there?" "I don't rightly know." She looked thoughtful. "All the men were in the community building. Us women and our kids were in our homes. Jeb, the man that bound me to him, came in awhile ago with a new woman. She was out, like from the shot he gave me before." That confirms they're using the QT serum . "If he bound you to him with that shot, why are you awake?" "Oh, that was a few weeks back for me. I knew him a little bit before lockdowns started. Then he just shows up and says he has this safe place to stay and we can both be safe from the virus runnin' round, but I have to take this shot and sleep with him. He's been an okay guy, and I ain't had no boyfriend in several months anyway. 'Sides, he didn't tell me that I couldn't be with anybody else after that. Which sucks, but mostly he's been okay. Only been an asshole a few times, but that's pretty fair for most guys I've met. No offense." Dave smirked. "Sandy, how many men are there in your community?" She stopped, looking off to the side, thinking. "Well, there was the ten that left saying' they's gonna raid a rich man's house for somethin', never told us what. Now we know why. They were out collectin' poon like we's just a bunch a deer and no tag limit." Sandy paused. "Is that why you're here? You come to scoop us up and make us your whores?" "No, ma'am." We killed more than ten, so that can't be all . "If you ladies were bound to these men, we'll need to take you to the people that hand out the vaccine to see what they can do for you. But ma'am, please, how many men total are there?" The far door of the community building opened slowly, and a woman stepped out. It was the one Dave had seen inject one of the women right before she got raped. "Get over with the others. Is anyone else inside?" The woman shook her head no and moved swiftly to join the pack. "Oh, right. Well, after the ten left, all six of the others took off saying' they could do just as good somewhere else. But only three of them came back, including Jeb. As soon as they's back they took the nurse, that's the woman that just came out, well they took her and the two women bound to two of the guys that didn't come back and a bit later those women are out cold again. I thought the whole shot thing was permanent, but maybe not if the guy's dead? I hope so, 'cuz we're about to be in a bad way aren't we?" Thirteen. Thirteen men here. Dave counted off in his head. He thought they'd taken out thirteen, but he wasn't going to make assumptions. Especially when one part of his brain was parodying an old farcical movie about how many bullets had been fired from a gun. An 80's flick set in the 50's. "Alright Sandy, is there anyone else left in the houses?" "Just the kids, and some unconscious women. The men said they'd gotten them; reassigned?" She looked frustrated. "Guess I still wasn't good enough to keep that asshole by m'self." Dave deliberately gave Sandy an appraising look. "I think that has more to do with his greed than your looks or personality." "Well ain't you sweet?" Sandy licked her lips and looked Dave up and down. "Easy, I meant every word I said, but I already have several partners. Those six that left attacked my house." Sandy's face dropped. "I don't know if I should hate your guts for killing Jeb, or thank you, for the same thing." After a pause she spoke again. "You should be careful of Debbie. Her husband brought her here for some kinda rebel nation shit. She's already pissed he came back with some hot blonde from a rich man's house. But not so mad at him she's just gonna let you killin' him slide." "Is she the rather large woman that looks like she sucked on an entire lemon tree?" "That's the one." "How 'bout we settle on neutrality for now? Look, let's get all of you back in your homes and warm. I'll need to call the authorities to make sure you all get taken care of before that serum starts doing ugly things." Sandy walked back to the assembled throng. Another debate broke out. Debbie leading a third of the group in angry objections. Then she turned to face Dave. "Where's our men? What gives you the right to come bargin' in here?" She headed for the far end of the building. Several others followed, more than just the ones that had agreed with her. Dave knew things would turn ugly as soon as these women saw the dead bodies. His fastest route into the open yard space was behind him. He sprinted the way he'd come, entering the yard through the gap just as the women began kneeling near selected bodies. By the women's placement, some of the men must have sprinted from the building's edge. Instead of a clump near the corner, there was a line of a few reaching towards the tree line. Dave felt a cold turn inside. Rationally, he could see the line ended well before the trees, suggesting Liv had taken all of them down before they got close. But could one have gotten through? That thought was interrupted by Debbie leaving the line of dead, beginning to search the yard and moving as quickly as her thick legs would carry her. Dave moved to get clear of the gap and the bodies just beyond it. Several of the other women left the line of dead as well. They slowly swarmed about the open space while Debbie made a beeline for the gap. Then she noticed a body in the grass. Fury returned to her face after a brief look of relief. Then she paused. Her chest was already heaving from exertion. When she faced Dave, the anguish was obvious. "You fucking coward! You shot 'em in the back! You shot my husband!" She began a slow charge at him. Dave sorted through his options. The only sure way he had of stopping this woman was his weapon, but he had no desire to shoot an unarmed woman grieving her husband. He could outrun her easily, but he needed to stay in the area. For a moment, Dave's brain played an image of him making short sprints and the woman chasing after him like some schoolyard game. Not helping dammit . Dave took a few steps backwards, bringing him near the back wall of the community building. He noticed the dryer vent again, which meant the pile of pipes wasn't far. He'd have to be careful if he backpedaled any more. Falling on his ass would not engender obedience or respect. Debbie's tirade ended in a screech as she reached into her pocket. Her hand came back out with a small revolver. Shit. Shit. Shit. Dave brought his weapon up faster than her and pulled his trigger. Click . No round fired. The weapon jammed. Shit . Dave dove sideways and backwards just as Debbie fired. He felt a smack on his shoulder as he fell. His hand landed on the pipe pile. He grabbed and rolled away from the wall as another shot spanged off the brick. As he rolled, he swung one arm, releasing one of the two rods he'd snagged. He threw one leg out and came up from his roll, facing Debbie as she recovered from the rod that hit her. Her motion and his brought them in close proximity. On instinct, Dave snapped out with the remaining rod, striking Debbie's wrist. She shrieked in pain as she dropped the pistol. Dave followed up with two strikes to her knee before stepping back into a ready stance. Debbie cried out, but still managed one step forward before the side of her head exploded. Dave turned from Debbie's corpse to scan the area. All of the other women were on the ground. Clearly, they'd done the math in their head and figured out he had a partner in the trees. "Don't make us shoot anyone else. We only came here because we were attacked. The people that attacked us and another house are now all dead. We've done what we came for. We are not leaving you hanging. We know you've been given Quaranteam doses so your lives are bound to these men. There is a way to free you from that bond." Dave decided a bit of vague spitballing could be useful here and played it fast and loose based on what he'd learned in the past 24 hours. "Well, not exactly free you, but transfer that bond to someone else. This time, you will have a choice in that bonding. But, I will not countenance any threat to myself or my partner. And as you can see, she is very protective of me as well. You can also see she is a damn good shot. I want all of you to gather over here, in the lee of this building, while I get someone here to help." The women got up, moving slowly so as not to provoke Dave or his hidden partner. Once they were all clumped together, he pulled out his cell phone. Time to call Detective Verratti. Chapter 13; Cleanup. October 29, 2020 8:20am "Wait, wait, wait. What do you mean you and Olivia are at the compound? Didn't you say you and your special forces friend; Carter? That the two of you were heading to the compound?" On another call, Dave would have switched ears by now. The burning in his left shoulder threatened to make that shift a very painful decision. "No, detective, I simply said we." "Dammit, professor, why the hell wouldn't you take the trained spec-ops guy on something; oh, fuck." "Exactly. Carter and his wife have been dead for two months now. Carter was the security expert in our prepper community. He ran us through many drills on how to protect ourselves and those around us. Olivia is an excellent long-range shot. She proved it again today. Took out half the compound with her sniping. Shot one that was coming at me with a.38, when my gun jammed." "Okay, okay. Damn. Look, I contacted the Air Force when you sent me the text saying you were there. As soon as the liaison red off the coordinates, whoever was on the other end of the phone got pissed. If I overheard correctly, they gathered a small force and headed that way by chopper. I think they lifted off about twenty minutes ago. Expect them in less than an hour. If they arrive in the same mood their boss was in, keep your head down. I know I'm already in deep shit. After getting shouted at over the phone, the Air Force liaison went into my boss' office and shouted for ten minutes straight. Professor; I'm sorry I got you into this." Dave signed off that call, then texted Liv. -Sling your rifle, come into the glade with pistol drawn. He stuffed his phone back in his pocket and waited. Half his energy was devoted to ignoring the pain in his arm. The adrenaline and other wonderful bio-chemicals the body produces during high stress situations all drained out in the past ten minutes so nothing got in the way of his arm screaming at his head for doing damn fool things. On the plus side, the bleeding had stopped. Mostly. As long as he didn't move it. The blood that had come out was enough to stain most of his sleeve, but not significantly impair his thinking from blood loss. Liv emerged from the tree line with all the charisma of a warrior queen. As Dave requested, her rifle was slung cross body, and her 10mm pistol was in her hands, held low, as her eyes scanned her surroundings. She took a bit of extra 'dwell time' when her eyes passed over the assembled women. Liv strode purposefully across the ground, halting at a position within easy talking range, yet too far to make them both a single target. Dave looked her over, examining her face and posture. Concern for the psychological impact of this on Olivia was uppermost in his mind. Great time to be worried about that, huh? After all the fighting is done. Genius . He snapped himself back to reality. There would be time later for self-recrimination. Liv's visual scanning kept lingering on Dave's left shoulder. "We need to treat that. It'll be tricky to do while maintaining security." "There's an Air Force team on their way. Detective Verratti said they may be unhappy, but I'm sure they'll have a medic. Or at least a first aid bag." "How long?" "Less than an hour. Sounds like forty minutes, most likely." "That arm shouldn't wait that long. You need stitches." "Got any in your back pocket, Liv?" Dave hadn't meant to get testy, but the pain was eroding his 'nice function' and the conversation felt like it was spiraling already. The flat look from Olivia carried a tinge of hurt, and forgiveness, and her own self-restraint. "Sorry, Olivia." She nodded in response, her eyes once again on their charges. One of them stood and moved slowly towards Dave. Livy squared her shoulders to the woman, but made no other change in her focus. When the woman was halfway to him, Dave recognized her as the lady that came out of the building as he spoke with Sandy. The one Sandy identified as a nurse. "Sir, would you let me look at your wound? I'm a nurse." Liv looked at him cautiously, then gave him one slow blink. Dave restrained himself from chuckling. From her, the slow blink meant anything from 'sure' to 'don't make me say I told you so'. Dave nodded at the woman. She approached slowly, then cautiously brought one hand up to examine his wound. She pulled back on the shirt to ascertain the extent of the injury. "I can treat it temporarily for now. You need stitches; which we don't have. And a painkiller. All they have here for that is alcohol, marijuana and meth. None of which I would recommend." Dave chuckled. With her finger so close, his shaking caused her to jab the side of the open gash. Dave flinched and gritted his teeth. "Oh, I'm so sorry." The nurse jumped back, pulling her hand back to her chest. Her other hand clasped the offending one closely, like she was putting it in time out. "It's okay, ma'am. I'm the one that moved suddenly." "Parker. My name is Parker." "Dave." "Well, Dave, you've got a decent flesh wound that will make a good reminder scar once it heals. You need to get stitches as soon as possible. Like today. Wait too long and it won't do any good. In the meantime, I can bandage it up. I'll need to go inside to get some clean cloth, though." Her eyes held the obvious question of whether he would let her. "How did you wind up here?" "I was on a transport from the vaccine center on my way to my Oracle designated partner when the bus got hijacked. Fifteen of us were diverted from someone we'd chosen to these guys that made their choices just by looking at us. They went in order, so whoever had priority got first pick, and so on." That matched what Verratti told Dave. More importantly, she didn't hesitate and there was no sign of falsehood in her eyes or face. Carter taught him to be careful who you trust, but you have to trust someone. There was a haunted look in her eyes, but no deception. "Liv, can you escort this nurse inside so she can get something to bandage me with?" The young brunette that had known him longer than anyone left alive gave him a funny look. "Or maybe you escort her, so you can sit down and put your arm on a table while she does her work. Should be easier for both of you that way." The nurse's face immediately took on a restrained, but amused look. "Don't say it, let's go," said Dave with a sigh. He followed her back around to the front of the building. She entered through the first door. It opened into the kitchen area. In short order, she scooped up the first aid kit and led Dave into the dining space. The room still smelled of the recent nonconsensual ruttings. Parker visibly flinched when the smell hit her. She came to a dead stop when she saw the body lying against the wall. The look on her face suggested her desire to not be here, and not be reminded of the events of this morning and her part in them, was warring with her professional instincts. Dave watched as she composed herself and ushered him to take a seat with just a hand gesture. Dave sat so Parker's back would be towards the body. As she tended his wound, he searched for visual clues. The man was older, at least fifty, likely over sixty, judging by the condition of his skin. Prominent wrinkles and liver spots, and a leathery look of someone that spent much of his life with a heavy tan. A distinctly aquiline nose and patrician features shouted 'man of money' even more so than his silk pajamas. Necessarily, Parker - more specifically her face - lay in Dave's line of sight as he looked about. Underneath the mien of professional concentration lay clear signs that removing the visual cue of the dead body was barely tamping down her anxiety. When she reached into the kit to find the scissors; so she could trim the excess off the bandage; her fingers first brought out the razor. The way she stared at it was unsettling. She paused to wipe away newly forming tears before finishing with Dave's gauze. As she neatly placed each piece of unused equipment in the kit, he gently took her chin in his right hand, turning her head to look directly at him. "Parker, you've had to make some tough choices here. You did the best you could with what you had. You're an ER nurse, right?" He recalled that tidbit from the detective's discussion. Parker nodded in affirmation. "Okay, so your training and experience is to do everything you can to get your patient that next heartbeat, to take the next breath, and another, and another. Just keep them going, and let someone else do the fancy work once you're sure the patient is alive right?" Her face contorted further as she nodded. "But I didn't. I didn't keep her alive. They took her outside ;” Parker's voice trailed off as she wept, her chest heaving. "An older blonde woman, probably in her mid-forties right?" She nodded, still weeping, not looking at him. "Her name is Natasha, and she's alive." Parker's head snapped up. Her eyes were wide in astonishment and hope. "But; how?" "I killed those men with a silenced pistol. She's hiding in my truck. Actually, I need to check on her. My partner had some spare clothes in there. Hopefully she found them." "Can I see her? Please? I just ;” The wild, desperate look in her eyes was impossible to deny. Dave gave his arm a few careful motions, testing out the pain level for various directions and ranges. It gave him an excuse to delay answering and drew her attention back to occupational concerns. "Yeah, we can do that. First, I need to touch base with my partner though." Gesturing he said, "Let's go." Parker quickly rose, snatching up the first aid kit. She deposited it back in its secure place in the kitchen before exiting, with Dave right behind her. She glanced over her shoulder several times to check that Dave was still with her as she walked around the building and straight towards Olivia. Over the last few steps, she veered off, giving Dave and Liv enough space to talk privately while she remained close by. Dave filled Livy in on what was happening. "Maybe you should escort her though, in case Natasha has not found your clothes. Besides, it would give you a chance to move about instead of standing here, getting cold." "Are you sure she saw me well enough to be comfortable when I approach? You, she got a good look at. And vice versa." Liv added a wink. Dave looked at her, his face flat and unimpressed. "Oh come on, David, you have nine women at home, came out here to dispense some justice on the assholes that attacked us, and picked up a groupie." "For crying out loud, Liv. She's not; Okay, fine, I'll escort the nurse. That woman's been through enough trauma without being exposed to your humor." Liv gave him an enigmatic smile as he walked away with Parker. Dave pointed to the gap in the trees he'd used for entry and exit previously. Once inside, the nurse stopped him. "David, I; I'm not sure if anything can be done for her." "What do you mean? "I mean, I; um, I'm not sure how much I can say. She needs something that I'm not sure is possible anymore." "You mean you couldn't extract any more semen from the dead guy's balls?" "How the hell did you know that?! That's confidential information! No one's supposed to know!" "Parker, these guys attacked my house. We killed three of them. The bodies were on my back deck and driveway with their balls cut off. Later, we get here and I see you jab the old guy in the balls with a syringe and the shot changes color. You're reassigning these women from the dead guy to the attackers using the dead man's cum, right?" She hung her head. "It was the only way to keep them alive." "And as long as they're alive, there's hope. There's a chance to fight another day, right?" She raised her head again, eyes watery, looking as if she really wanted to believe in the thin reed he offered her. "But, what about her? She's bound to that guy, and I couldn't get any more cum out. Depending on when she last slept with him, she's got a week or two before this stuff eats her up from the inside. It'll be like what they wanted to do to her, but in slow motion." Her voice cracked as she spoke. "Parker, I want you to consider something, and this is not a knock on you, but the conditions. You are an ER nurse, working under field conditions. If we take his body back to a hospital, or the vaccine center, do you think maybe a lab tech with precision equipment and ideal conditions could manage to eke out enough semen to let her switch partners?" She smiled again, taking a shaky breath. The suggestion relaxed her enough to acquiesce when he motioned her down the trail. "I don't know. I don't know, but it's worth a try. We have to move fast though. There's a time limit on how long we have to get it done." "Then we'll make sure when the Air Force gets here with their chopper, Natasha and the dead body are on the first bird out." Parker said no more as they walked. Dave only spoke to guide her on the path. When they got into visual range of the truck, Parker's steps took on an extra urgency, like she wanted to run, but held herself back. Dave signaled for her to fall in trail behind him and wait when they neared the truck. "Natasha? Natasha, it's David. I'm here with the nurse. The compound is secure now. The Air Force is on its way. We came to check on you. Did you find the clothes in the truck?" A blonde head slowly peeked over the dashboard, only one eye visible. That one eye held enough wariness for a dozen faces. The head scanned about carefully, never spending much time away from Dave and Parker. "All of the attackers are dead, Natasha. They can't hurt you." Her head cleared the dashboard and moved towards the passenger door, the same side Dave and Parker stood several feet away from. The door opened at a glacial pace. Then two legs clad in grey sweatpants stepped down. Natasha stepped clear of the door, wearing a thin white shirt, grey sweatpants that threatened to fall off, and a look of nervous hope and apprehension. Dave tried to ignore what the cold was doing to her nipples. Rigidly holding his eye contact on her face, he said, "Parker here is an ER nurse. How about letting her examine you? And then join the rest of the women. The ladies abducted with you are all; asleep, but there are women that were captured previously, like Parker here." Natasha glanced quickly at Parker. "They captured you too?" "Nearly two months ago. Our transport was hijacked after we'd already had our injections. We were on our way to our Oracle match partners when the attack happened." Natasha's wariness fell in the face of shared trauma; and the knowledge of traumas she'd been spared. She closed the distance and hugged Parker. The nurse initially stood shocked, unresponsive, her arms limp at her sides. Slowly, her hands rose, clasping onto Natasha's shoulder blades before she began shaking with sobs of relief. Reluctantly, Dave stepped in. When he spoke, he used the softest tone he was capable of. "Ladies, we need to get back. I'd rather not walk back into the clearing after the Air Force folks arrive, armed. That tends to make them nervous." He pitched his words softly, but firmly. Parker nodded in acknowledgement. The two shared a look that communicated; something. Then Dave noticed the older blonde still had nothing on her feet. "No socks in the bag?" he asked. Natasha shook her head no. Dave sighed, walked in front of her, turned his back to her and crouched. "Come on." He lowered his weapon to dangle from its sling. "What?" "Get on my back, I'll carry you." "Uh, are you sure about this? With your arm like it is?" Parker queried. "My back can carry the burden without straining my arm muscles." After a brief pause, he heard her moving hesitantly before her weight rested on his back. Her arms came around his neck. Then he hooked his hands under her knees and stood carefully. With Parker following behind, Dave navigated the path quickly. He maintained a slightly stooped posture that Carter had taught as the best way to carry a ruck. It worked quite well for carrying a person, too. The trio made good time through the woods and emerged from the tree line very deliberately, so as not to startle Liv, who was still on guard. The smile on the brunette's face when Dave emerged with Natasha on his back was unmistakable. Dave studiously ignored it. Once they were over soft grass, he lowered Natasha to the ground. He was uncomfortable sending these two to huddle with the rest of the women, but he wasn't sure what else to do. Until the moment he was ready to open his mouth. "Liv, take Parker and inspect the houses. Check on the women that got imprinted. Keep an eye out for kids or other adults. If it's just kids, reassure them the best you can. Keep them where they are if possible." Parker spoke up. "What if we bring; Natasha?; with us. I think my spare shoes would fit her. I can get her a jacket too." Dave looked at Liv, questioningly. She gave a short nod in response. Dave shrugged his agreement. After a long backwards look at Dave, Natasha followed the other two, leaving Dave on guard over the women huddled against the building. Most of them wore some manner of jacket and long pants. A few were in pajama pants and thick housecoats. All remained quiet, barely even talking amongst themselves. One brunette, a bit older, kept glancing at Dave. After several minutes, she rose and slowly approached him. As she got closer, Dave had a strange sense of recognition. Like he should know who she was, but couldn't place her. "Hi, um, I just wanted to say thank you. I've been stuck here for over a month. Several of us have, including the nurse that was with you earlier." Her dark eyes gleamed as she continued. "Listen, I know we'll need new partners soon. I think you should know that a few of the girls are already discussing the possibility of getting paired with you." Dave stiffened. His spine, not his cock. "Well, that's very flattering, but I didn't come here for that. Hell, I already have nine partners. My house is getting kinda full. I know the CDC guy that showed up a month and a half ago said I could wind up with twelve or more, but, uh, I could be just fine with stopping where I am. So, thank you, but no thank you. I mean, unless you specially match to me and don't have anyone else nearly as good a match." Her eyes widened. "Oh, no. No, I wasn't speaking personally. I mean, I appreciate what you've done, but not that far. The others just asked me to come over, sort of as a spokesperson. You know, use my fame in the hope that would help get your approval." It was the mild gravelly tone in her voice that finally did it. "Oh. Oh, shit. Aurora Hensley?" Dave shook his head. "Sorry, I knew I recognized you, but my brain just didn't place you until after you spoke for a bit. How the hell did a star like you wind up here?" Miss Henley tried to grin to cover up her grimace, but it didn't work. "Please, call me Rory. Lockdown stopped production on my show. You may have noticed we don't have a new season out." Dave nodded. "Yes, a few of my partners grumbled about it." "Ah, but not you, huh?" she said with a real grin this time. "Oh, I've watched some re-runs with them a few times. It's just that cop shows are only a fifty-fifty interest for me. Mostly, the ones I like get into the crime lab stuff, and yours didn't have that. No offense." Dave shrugged with the last statement. She examined him coyly. "Ah, so the fact that the two leads were women has nothing to do with it?" The words were accusatory, but something about her tone suggested she was playing with him. "Naw, not particularly. The story is well executed I think. It's just a type that only sometimes grabs my interest. I did appreciate that the show featured two female leads, without pounding the fact in the viewer's face. It stood on the writing and acting, and didn't beat some political drum." "Well, thank you. I think." She smirked at him. "Sorry for dodging, it's just; it hurts you know?" A shadow passed over her features, causing Dave to place a hand on her shoulder. He also forced himself to scan the group again, making sure no one was using his distraction to do something. He kicked himself for his obliviousness and made sure he kept his focus where it needed to be, without sacrificing the conversation. "Look, I know this is all still fresh, so if you don't want to talk about what these guys did to you here, you don't have to. I'm sure they'll have profess--" "Oh no, not that. I mean, I might, but honestly, you wiping them out is already a big help. That's why I came up to thank you." Then Rory grinned slyly again. "It's also why some of them want to thank you." "Well, with the vaccine, that's a rather permanent thing. They need to take some time to think it over first, and use the matching system, um, Oracle." "True, very true. You know, it's tempting to come at you like a rescued princess, just like the others. But in truth, I have a friend I was on my way to meet when our transport was hijacked. He's been a good friend for years, but we never dated or anything. He showed up as a reasonable match, so I was supposed to be with him. I'm going to call him as soon as I can to see if he's still interested." "More than likely, he'll be thrilled to hear you're alright." "Yes, probably. He's a good man. The girls like him." As soon as the words came out of her mouth, Rory grimaced like she'd been stabbed and the wielder was twisting the knife in her guts. Dave got a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I, uh, I have to go." She turned away briefly, then turned back. "No, wait." She took a few deep breaths before continuing. "The reason I came over in the first place." She paused for a hiccupping sob. "Um, look, I can never express how much I appreciate what you've done for me here. If you need anything. Anything at all. I know people. People in entertainment, and in politics. Just call me. I'd be glad to help." With tears in her eyes, she turned back towards the wall and walked swiftly, managing not to run. Rory's rushed return and obvious emotional turmoil was greeted by consternation among the small crowd of women. Two took the time to stare at him, worry clear on their faces. Quiet conversations started up and rapidly turned internal. The women clustered around Rory, wrapping her in hugs. When they finally parted, they began speaking again, in low tones, and long periods in which all were silent. It was quite some time before Liv, Parker, and Natasha came around the right side of the building. All appeared in good spirits. Natasha now sported a denim jacket over her white T-shirt and a pair of tennis shoes on her feet. As they approached, Dave noted that Natasha was no longer grabbing at the waist band of the sweatpants to keep them up, so some solution had been found. The jacket was of sufficient length to conceal whatever that had been. Likewise, it was likely she had socks to go with the shoes, but there was no visible gap between pants and shoes to confirm that deduction. The relaxed look on her face would have to do. Parker spoke first when they came within a reasonable speaking distance. "Sixteen women are in imprinting sleep in the houses. I checked their vitals, and nothing appears amiss. Except that they're all blondes." "I told the others while we were out, Drew, the man we were paired to, only had blondes in his; team." Natasha spoke slowly, not quite reluctantly. "It was a fetish of his. Though there was variety, of a sort. Cheerleader, businesswoman, that sort of thing. I was the 'older woman' blonde. One is a teenager, just barely survived to get injected. I; I knew him before this, or at least, I thought I knew him. We went to many of the same charity dinners and such. He was so cordial in public." Parker hugged Natasha around the shoulders, a supportive measure to remind her that problem was in her past. Then Olivia spoke. "A few houses had kids. They are awake and hungry. A little worried, but not frantic. I was thinking we could get a meal going in the main cafeteria instead of separate little meals in each house." "Sure," Dave replied. "That's a good plan. First, we'll need to get the body out of there." "Body?" Liv asked. "Drew, the man all those women are partnered to. These guys were re-imprinting the women to themselves in the cafeteria space." Dave kept his voice carefully neutral. "How the hell does that work?" "We're not supposed to know, but what I saw here and at our house, I made some good guesses that Parker confirmed. You and I are probably going to spend a lot of time explaining ourselves, so the less I share the better." Liv's nodding reply carried an undertone of expectation that, once all this blew over, Dave had better spill what he knows. A small traitorous part of Dave's heart took that as a possible indication that Liv wanted to know a way out of the bonding effects of the serum. Dave's brain was pretty convinced that was B S, though he would certainly ask if she wanted out later. The idea of keeping any woman bound to him against her will made him physically nauseous. Doing that to his Livy Bean was unacceptable in the extreme. "Tell you what," Dave continued, "You stay here for a few minutes. I'll haul the body out of the cafeteria and around to this side of the building. Then, Liv, supervise getting breakfast going in the cafeteria; and I mean supervise, you maintain control and security, someone else cooks. Parker, you can escort the kids from the houses to the cafeteria." Still facing the nurse, he asked, "Who would you recommend do the cooking?" "Sandy and Rory are pretty good. Together they should be able to handle breakfast for all the kids." "OK, sounds good. Wait 'til I get the body moved around to this area before you get moving." All three women nodded. Dave immediately stalked off, eager to get things in motion before the military arrived and brought everything to a halt while they took their time coming to the same conclusions Dave had already arrived at. The kids needed to be fed. He went around the right side of the building for once, since it provided the shortest route to his destination. As soon as he stepped inside, he was greeted by the older man's corpse lying flat on the floor, up against the wall, his silk pajama pants still pulled down to his knees. That was the first thing to fix. Doing his best to avoid touching the corpse (or another man's naked body), Dave took hold of the waistband near each knee and pulled them up and over the man's hips. That done, he stopped to consider the best way to get the body moved. Rigor. Rigor mortis had set in. None of the man' joints would move. And he'd been left on the floor, jammed into the corner between wall and floor for hours. There were two options Dave could see: grab and lift by the man's shoulders and drag him with his heels on the ground. A little awkward, but doable. The downside there was the chance his pajama pants cuffs could snag on something and come all the way off. Hell, even part way was undesirable. The second option was to get this guy onto Dave's shoulder like a two by four. A one hundred and fifty pound two by four. Sure, no problem. Mentally retracting all the curses he'd flung at Carter during upper body workouts, Dave went to work. First, he knelt beside the corpse. Then he lifted the torso so it lay on his shoulder. The next part was tricky. Silk didn't give a lot of traction to grab with. Neither did flesh. It took three tries that quickly returned to the floor-kneeling position when the body began to slip before Dave managed to successfully gain his feet on the fourth attempt, the body securely balanced on his left shoulder. And every single time he used his left arm for anything, a serenade of pain accompanied the act. He'd had experience getting through doorways with lumber or pipes on his shoulder, so while it was cumbersome, Dave managed the maneuver just fine. Though he had to use his left arm to operate the door. He couldn't avoid whimpering as he forced the injured limb to comply. Once outside, it was quite easy to make the brief trek around the building and dump the body in the grass a reasonable distance from the line of dead pointing towards the trees. He also picked up the staccato sounds of a chopper, low, and building quickly. Parker was halfway to the houses and Liv had disappeared into the cafeteria building with Rory and Sandy when their heads turned, picking up the sound. Figuring it was the safest course of action, Dave walked to the middle of the open space he'd fought in, away from others, his hands away from his body and his weapons slung on his back or holstered. He knew Olivia had the presence of mind to do the same. One Blackhawk landed to Dave's left, on the other side of the unused building. A second landed beyond the community building, presumably beyond the first house and to the left of the others. The third Blackhawk landed to Dave's right, well clear of the community building. The rotor blast was strong, but not overwhelming. The moisture in the air guaranteed no dust blown around, and the cold snap was too recent to kill off any grass, so at least there was no debris kicked up by the artificial cyclone. Troops began to disgorge from the chopper the moment the wheels touched grass, running straight out, hunched over, weapons in hand. Dave slowly turned to face them, his hands clearly away from his body. "You David Belsus?" The voice was pissed, loud, and behind him. Oops. Of course the team leader was on the first chopper that landed. Hadn't Carter harped something about leading from the front? "That's me." A short, strongly muscled man stepped around into Dave's field of view. "You blew my fucking op, dammit. Hunting these boys down was my job." "Considering the number of women enslaved to these fucking animals you clearly aren't doing your fucking job!" "Don't piss me off asshole. I'm willing to consider you're one of the good guys, for now. Fuck with me and I'll throw you in a hole so deep, you'll water the rice paddies in China when you pee." Dave wisely shut the fuck up. Carter had told him there were two very important times to know in the military; when to shut up, and when to shut the fuck up . This seemed like the latter. "You got the wanna bees at your house. A few real troops here. You got lucky, Boy Scout. Stand down and let us do our jobs." Before the short, powerfully built man turned away, Dave noted the nametape on the man's uniform; Barnett. The two chevrons upside down on the top of his rank insignia meant he was a Technical Sergeant; an E-6, a middle level NCO. "Sergeant Barnett?" Dave called to get his attention. The little bantam turned, one eyebrow cocked. "The kids in this place haven't been fed breakfast yet. My partner is inside the community building with a few women who've been stuck here for over a month. They're getting something cooked up while the nurse moves the kids. You think you can let that plan roll forward? Otherwise, you'll have some cranky kids to deal with soon. "Is she armed?" "My partner?" Dave got a nod in response. "Yes, she has a slung rifle and a holstered pistol. If you go in cautious, and announce yourself, there shouldn't be a problem. Or you can send me in ahead of you." "Sure, fine. Just know if you try anything stupid, my two partners behind you will drop you in a heartbeat." "I think we understand each other." Dave stepped off deliberately, at a steady pace, getting around the corner of the building with Sgt Barnett two arm's lengths to his right. He could hear the soft footsteps in the grass of two more people behind him. Barnett wasn't bluffing. Dave reached the door of the cafeteria space. He knocked twice, then slowly opened it. "Hey, Liv? It's me, I'm coming in. There's some Air Force folks with me. Keep your weapons holstered and your hands visible. These folks seem a mite twitchy." Olivia stood in the Archway between the dining side and the kitchen side. The sounds of pans and utensils and sizzling meat were quickly joined by the aroma of bacon. Dave's stomach grumbled. Two voices behind him tittered. Seems his guards and executioners heard him. They guffawed when Barnett's stomach responded. "Should we let you two get a plate boss?" The laughing voice behind Dave almost had a Tinkerbell fairy quality to it. Great. My erstwhile executioner leaves pixie dust in her wake. Liv kept quiet. Verbally that is. Her eyes were laughing though. Laughing loud enough to make up for the silence of her lips. "No, they're cooking for a bunch of hungry kids. Leave 'em alone." Barnett paused, looking between Liv and Dave, and sizing them up. "You two, one at a time, very carefully, place your weapons on that back counter. You're closer, young lady, so you go first." Liv sighed, staying stony faced. Dave widened his eyes and nodded his head, with a slight tilt towards the counter. With an exasperated exhale, she unslung her rifle, touching only the sling, and only with her thumb, laying it on the counter. In doing so, she now had her back to the archway leading to the kitchen. She deliberately used her left hand to remove her pistol. Liv then placed it beside the rifle. Her combat knife came next. Placing it with her firearms, she stepped away from the counter and faced the others. "Boot knife." Barnett said flatly. "Excuse me?" Liv asked blankly. "Remove the knife from your boot and place it on the table." Liv pursed her lips, rolled her eyes, and then complied. Tinkerbell tittered. "Step over there." Dave waved his arm towards the opposite corner from where Liv had been, along the wall separating the kitchen space and the dining space. Olivia moved as indicated, her eyes locked on the two behind Dave. "Okay, now you." Dave walked to the counter. He unslung his SMG, again, using only his thumb, and placed it beside Liv's rifle. With open, deliberate motions, his pistol quickly followed. "Don't make me say it again." "I don't have any knives. Never been any good with 'em." Liv snorted. "You shittin me? You came in here with no knife? Better a weapon you're only mediocre with than no weapon at all." Dave just shrugged. "You're doing a great job of convincing me you merely got lucky; twice; rather than win by skill and teamwork." Dave elected not to rise to barb. "Stand over there with your girlfriend." Dave turned and walked along the wall. He took the opportunity to look at the two guards. One was a wasp waisted, svelte brunette with her hair back in a bun. The other; fucking well looked like Tinkerbelle. Pale skin, silky blonde hair in a braid that wrapped around her head like a home-grown crown. Give her a pair of wings and no one would even blink if she claimed to be the fictional character. Well, Tinkerbelle never carried an M4 with a daylight scope. Sure as shit would have given that saucy wink though. Once Dave was beside Livy, Barnett spoke to the two of them. "You will both get a full debriefing at headquarters. For now, let's start with the disposition of the corpse of one Andrew Bilk. He was a very rich man, and someone wants an accounting of his death. Starting with where his body is." "Out in the grass. The goons in this camp had his body on the floor, up against the wall there" Dave pointed, "since we had kids coming in soon, I thought it best to get him out of here, so I carried him out into the grass near the other bodies. He's the one in the silk pajamas." "Silk pajamas? That should be easy to distinguish." "Oh, uh Sergeant Barnett? There is a time critical element here. The blonde lady we rescued first, Natasha, she was bound to the rich guy; Bilk you said? Anyway, she needs to be re-partnered. I don't know the exact timeline, but he died around or just after midnight. Problem is, the nurse around here couldn't get any more semen out of the rich guy's nuts, so her only shot is if a lab geek can eke out enough for her. She and the body need to get back to Dallas fast." "Right. Okay, Silvia?" The brunette focused on Barnett. "Yes, sergeant?" "Find this Natasha woman, get her and the silk clad corpse on a chopper and send them back now." "Yes, sergeant." She slipped out the door like vanishing smoke. "Also," Dave interjected, "in the houses are several women that the nurse, Parker, was forced to re-pair from the rich guy to one of these clowns. That was this morning, so they're all in imprinting sleep at the moment. The ones that imprinted later might be able to recognize which redneck imprinted which blonde." Barnett raised an eyebrow. "Apparently, the rich guy had a fixation with blondes." Tinkerbelle ran a hand down her side, giving her body a little wriggle as she did so. "Alright, I'll let lab techs and medicos sort that mess out. We've got a convoy of trucks enroute to haul these folks back to Dallas." As Barnett spoke, the sound of rotors could be heard. As the sound built, the door opened and five kids went straight to the nearest table. Parker followed in after them. "Oh, hey Dave. Listen, some Air Force woman pulled Natasha away. I think they just left on a chopper." Dave nodded. "Are you the nurse that used the Dead Man's Switch on these women?" Barnett asked. Parker stiffened. "Yes, I am. It was either that or let them die." "Relax, I'm not your judge or your jury. I'm just trying to establish a few facts and identities. Do you think you can remember which woman paired with which man?" "Not all of them, but some. The first was the one with the enormous" she suddenly remembered there were kids in the room, "uh, assets. The boss man took her for himself." "Okay, that's fine. Uh, Jessie, think you can find a notepad for ;” "Parker." "Parker here to write down what she remembers on the pairings this morning. The ones from before should be able to tell us themselves." The short blonde exited with haste. Parker checked in with the kids before approaching the sergeant. "Can I check in with the kitchen, to see when their breakfast is ready?" "No need," said Rory, passing through the arch with a plate in each hand, "breakfast is served." Sandy was right behind her, carrying three plates, one in her left hand, and two more up her left arm. The kids cheered. Sandy also had silverware in her right hand. She set that down first. Unburdened, Rory came across the room to Dave. "Listen, Parker mentioned being paired increases a man's metabolism. We made some extra. Would you like something?" "What if the kids want seconds?" "We made enough in case the older two ask for seconds, and still serve a couple of adults." "Like me and the sergeant here?" Rory grinned, "Correct. Why don't you two sit, and I'll bring out two more plates." "I appreciate that, Rory, but Liv hasn't eaten either. Neither has Parker, or you, or ;” "I know, I know, I've got five more servings in here. Sandy and I can make more shortly." "You don't ha--" "Hush. I want to." She leaned in close. "It helps keep my mind off other things." Immediately, Rory exited to the kitchen. Sandy followed after. As they passed through the arch, Jessie, the little blonde Air Force attack pixie came back bearing a portfolio containing a yellow legal pad and a pen. She handed that off to Parker and found herself an out of the way spot along the wall. Dave watched as Parker took a seat several spaces down from the children. After staring blankly at the page for almost a minute, she began writing at a steady pace. Absorbed in watching her, Dave was surprised when Sandy brought him a plate and silverware. Bacon, scrambled eggs, and toast. A perfectly worthy American breakfast. As he ate, Dave noted his companion / captor's face. The man's fair skin was as unpale as possible without adding descriptors like 'sun-kissed'. His jet-black hair strongly suggested an eastern or southern European heritage. That presumption was supported by the darkening along his jawline. Clearly a man that had to shave twice a day to remain within military regs. Unless of course, he went undercover, in which case he could grow a partial disguise in short order. Liv caught his eye as she returned from the kitchen. She took a seat next to Dave, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek before digging into the scrambled eggs on the plate of food she'd carried in. She giggled at his pro forma protest when she stole a piece of bacon off his plate. Liv, on one side of Dave, missed the small grin on Barnett's face over the exchange. Her partner saw it though. Another enlisted woman came through the door carrying a sizable hardcase, the kind that usually has thick foam padding inside. She proceeded directly to the counter and swiftly stowed the weapons in the case. Then she carried the case back outside. "We're going to cycle the civilians through here for some breakfast before we entrain for Dallas," Barnett said. "When you're through here, meet me out on the lawn space where we started. Both of you." "You got it." Barnett took his plate and silverware through the kitchen archway. Shortly after, Dave heard the outer door to the kitchen open and close. Dave took a few more minutes to finish his meal. Liv spoke as he arranged his silverware on his plate. "Before you go, you should talk with Aurora. I think you two have something to share." Dave looked at her flatly. "She'd bonded, Liv." The young woman's smile broadened. "Not quite what I meant." Then she grew serious. "Just talk to her. Really, I think it could be good for both of you." She smirked when Dave walked away, fixing her with a wary eye. He found the sink, with a dishwasher beside it. Quickly, he rinsed his plate, placing it in the dishwasher. Rory and Sandy both objected, but he waved them off. Dave went ahead and rinsed the plate and silverware in the sink as well, along with a few cooking utensils. After drying his hands, he approached Rory. "Olivia said we should talk. She didn't say what about. Is this just her idea, or something you want to discuss?" Rory looked downward and swallowed. She looked back up. The haunted look in her eyes tugged at Dave's heart. Sandy noted their faces and suggested they step outside for a private conversation. Rory took his hand and led Dave out of the kitchen's heat and into the cool damp outside. Following her example, he leaned one shoulder against the wall, facing her. He waited for her to speak. "When we were surveying the houses; checking on the women and kids; Liv was asking me how I got here, what I dealt with getting here and being here. Honestly, she was just trying to make conversation. She didn't know what that would lead to." Dave waited again as Rory screwed up her resolve. Hopefully, his eyes were communicating support and patience. He could try speaking words of comfort or support, but the moment seemed too fragile to withstand him saying anything. "One of her questions was why didn't I try to escape after we were captured, before we were imprinted. Or why didn't we try signaling for help once we were stuck here. I can't speak for the others, but; I was not in a good place mentally when I was captured." She paused again, but not as long this time. Her shoulders came inward though, like she was trying to shrink; or hide. "Casey, the man I was supposed to partner with after getting my vaccine shot, is a good friend. He; spent time, when he could, talking to me by Zoom after; after ;” Rory shook with silent sobs. In Dave's heart, he knew what was coming next. The cold hand that gripped him, sapped the joy out of moments with his new family. His brain kept trying to reject the knowledge. Finally, she looked him directly in the eyes. Her composure shattered. "I had two daughters. They were both teenagers." As her tears poured out, Dave stepped in closer, wrapping his arms around her, his own visage twisted with the shared pain. He said nothing, merely held her for several minutes. When her shaking subsided, he waited a bit more. Finally, he took a deep breath and brought his mouth near her ear. With a shaky voice, he said, "My son's name was Eddie. He was twenty-three years old." Her arms around him tightened. Neither spoke. Several minutes later, Rory pulled her head back, an empathetic look on her face. She kissed Dave on the cheek and went back inside. Dave took a few minutes to collect himself. Feeling reasonably steady, he walked around the building. Liv and Barnett were there, waiting. "Okay, so here's what's happening. Most of these people are going back by truck. The convoy is nearly here. You two have a date with Air Force Intel, DPD, and possibly the FBI. You're going back in a chopper, now." Barnett paused, giving Dave a moment to process what he'd said. "Is that white pickup about three hundred meters back along the entry road yours?" "Yes." "Keys." "Excuse me?" "Gimme your keys. I'll have one of my people drive it with the convoy. We'll have it waiting for you when the intel boys and detectives decide to loosen the thumbscrews." Dave pulled his keys out and tossed them to the sergeant. "What about our weapons?" "They'll be in your vehicle." Dave nodded in acknowledgment. Jessie, the little pixie blonde, motioned for Dave and Liv to follow her. She led them to the nearby chopper and walked them through the seat harness mechanism. Two other Air Force personnel took seats on either side of the pair. Jessie returned to Barnett as the rotors began to move. Two minutes later, Dave watched the ground recede. Air Force personnel were scattered all over the compound. As of yet none of the kids had been in the big grassy area where the bodies lay. Just as the nose dipped and turned, Dave caught sight of military trucks edging down the dirt road into the camp. To be continued in part 12, Based on a post by RonanJWilkerson, in 12 parts, for Literotica.

Send us a textIt's the age-old question: Do you really need to go to the dentist every six months? Honestly, you might be surprised! Dentists do more than tackle cavities and polish your teeth. We'll break down all the biggest reasons you need to go to the dentist regularly!Join us for all the most frequently asked questions about why regular dentist visits are so important, including (but not limited to):Why is it important to visit the dentist regularly?The ideal cadence for dentist visitsWhat to look out for between dental visitsHow to keep gums and teeth healthy between visits 

I really enjoyed reading the "why I donate" posts in the past week, so much so that I felt compelled to add my reflections, in case someone finds my reasons as interesting as I found theirs. 1. My money needs to be spent on something, might as well spend it on the most efficient things The core reason I give is something that I think is under-represented in the other posts: the money I have and earn will need to be spent on something, and it feels extremely inefficient and irrational to spend it on my future self when it can provide >100x as much to others. To me, it doesn't seem important whether I'm in the global top 10% or bottom 10%, or whether the money I have is due to my efforts or to the place I was born. If it can provide others 100x as much, it just seems inefficient/irrational to allocate it to myself. Honestly, the post could end here, but there are other secondary reasons/perspectives on why I personally donate that I haven't seen commonly discussed. 2. Spending money is voting on how the global economy allocates its resources In 2017, I read Wealth [...] ---Outline:(00:22) 1. My money needs to be spent on something, might as well spend it on the most efficient things(01:09) 2. Spending money is voting on how the global economy allocates its resources(04:11) 3. I dont think its as bad as some make it out to be(07:35) 4. I donate because Im an atheist (/s) --- First published: December 15th, 2025 Source: https://forum.effectivealtruism.org/posts/CSKob9hGmWM7f7yv8/i-give-because-it-s-the-most-rational-way-to-spend-my-money --- Narrated by TYPE III AUDIO.

As we head into a new year, I'm not trying to set bigger goals or push harder. Honestly, I'm doing the opposite. I've realized that striving has a way of sneaking in — even when things are going well — and it slowly steals joy, peace, and clarity. So lately, every goal and every decision in my life and business has to pass through the same three filters: Is this simple? Is this effortless? And… is it actually fun? Today, I want to walk you through that filter and how it's changing the way I build, decide, and trust God with what's next. Chapters 00:00 Embracing Simplicity for the New Year 05:15 The Filters of Decision Making 11:51 The Power of Effortlessness 22:14 Finding Joy in Fun 30:08 Clarity and Peace in Decision Making

In this episode: year-end reflection, self-awareness, coaching yourself, creating goals, daily check-ins, with Morgan Bricca Episode Summary Join host Adam Coelho as he welcomes back Morgan Bricca to discuss the importance of year-end reflection and planning. Morgan shares her approach to self-awareness, self-coaching, and how to set meaningful goals for the upcoming year. Learn how to develop habits that align with your desired feelings and intentions, and discover practical tips for maintaining focus and motivation throughout the year. Guest Bio Morgan Bricca is a passionate advocate for mindful living and financial independence. With a background in coaching and personal development, she emphasizes the significance of self-awareness and intentional goal setting in achieving a fulfilling life. Key Takeaways Self-awareness is crucial for efficient living and helps align actions with one's life purpose. Coaching yourself can save costs and empower personal growth through self-reflection and accountability. Setting a daily checklist can enhance focus on personal goals and help track progress effectively. Year-end reflections help in recognizing changes in priorities and recalibrating for the upcoming year. Identifying core feelings can guide goal-setting and daily actions, making them more meaningful. Embracing discomfort and being brave can lead to significant personal growth and fulfillment.

Wow, our last Filmmaker Interview of 2025! Ryan McCoy wrote and produced the feature film The Party that releases later this week on January 2, 2026.                                                                                                                                                                    Ryan reached out to us about appearing on the podcast and I did a wee bit of research, discovering that The Party had been submitted to Film Invasion Los Angeles (FI-LA) and, as a juror, I had given it a good rating. Honestly, I see films all the time that I like but that do not become official selections as FI-LA and Sherman Oaks Film Festival.                                                                                                                                  Ryan gave me the chance to finally have one of them represented on the podcast. Ryan is a super productive filmmaker and you can follow him at his production company's website https://rynoryder.com/                                                                                                                                            or on Instagram at @rynoryder                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          or on his YouTube where Ryan been posting videos about his journey as an indie filmmaker in LA for the past 6-7 years. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Discover Indie Film Links DIF Podcast Website - DIF Instagram - DIF BlueSky Discover Indie Film Foundation (nonprofit for the arts) Website Sherman Oaks Film Festival Film Invasion Los Angeles

Forget a lump of coal. Trump put Democrats' coal on a conveyor belt and fed it directly into their stockings like he's firing up a steel mill. This is industrial punishment, OSHA-approved, with a grin that says, you earned every ounce of this.Honestly, did I miss a sequel to Die Hard? One where Santa swaps the sleigh for tactical boots and starts muttering about consequences? Because Santa is on a rampage. Somewhere between Rambo: First Blood and Silent Night, Santa and Rambo must have signed a mutual aid agreement. Red suit. Green beret energy. And yes, Santa has issued a full-blown fatwa on Democrats and their political minions.Democrats know it too. You can see it in their faces. This is the look of people who know they're skipping Christmas this year. If you were a Democrat, would you even bother putting up a tree? Why waste the ornaments when the whole thing is going to get shaken down for evidence? Hanging stockings feels optimistic, like leaving milk and cookies for the repo man.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What are you waiting for? It's almost time for the 2026 New Year's Goal Setting Party! Create the life of your dreams one year at a time.I'm SO excited to drop this episode today because this simpe habit I've started has CHANGED MA LIFE, Y'ALL! If you've ever reached the end of the day and wondered “Where the hell did my time go?” this episode is going to change your life. We're diving into the magic of hourly time logging, the simple, eye-opening habit that shows you exactly how you're spending your days so you can take your power back. I break down how tracking your time hour by hour reveals your hidden energy leaks, your productivity sweet spots, and the places you're unintentionally self-sabotaging. If you're a busy mum, a business owner, or someone constantly feeling behind, this tool will give you clarity, control, and a deep sense of calm. It's like giving your brain a reset button. I'm very aware of the Parkinson Rule, that a task will take up the amount of time you give it, and so just a few months into my girls being at school I've gone from feeling liberated to just as busy as I was before. Nah. That's not for me. Something had to change. We're going to explore how time logging becomes a manifesting tool. Instead of living reactively, you begin designing your week with intention, choosing who gets your time, where your energy goes and what truly matters. This episode is packed with practical tips, real-life examples, and the mindset shifts that make this habit stick. If you want more productivity, more peace, and more time for the things that actually light you up, you're going to love this one.How to do it. Starting at the beginning of your work day, begin logging on a notebook or the notes section of your phone the hour. So for me I start at 9;30am and the first section will be 9:30 - 10:30. Then as you go about your tasks list everything you do within that hour time block. If you scroll on social media for 10 minutes, list it. If you reply to a couple of emails, list it. It all goes on! Now, as always, I think the magic is in sharing it. I've been sharing mine with those I work with and that gives extra motivation. Could you share your time logging with a colleague, partner or a friend who is also struggling with their time management? See how much you can get done when you are doing this. It will astound you! If you want to take this further and feel less overwhelmed in your home life too, you can begin to log your hours outside of work too. Now, the goal isn't to log every single hour of your life forevs, but it IS very illuminating and freeing. Since doing this I've been on top of my work, on top of my housework and more present with my children. Win, win, win! Let me know how you get on with it. Come and find me @francescaamber & @lawofattractionchangedmylife on Instagram - I would LOVE to hear from you.Join the Book Club B*tches We are the UK's largest self development book club. Honestly this book club and the bad b*tches within it are my self development secret. They are the BIGGEST secret to my success and I'm in love with life long learning! Come and join us, it's not a cult, it's probably not a coven but it IS the best.You can find all my work including overnight subliminals for weight loss, wealth, fertility, beauty and confidence, success etc..as well as online masterclasses on my website, francescaamber.comBy the way, do we love my Amazon Storefront - it even has all my favourite self development books on there!(Amazon associate)You can buy my Sunday Times Bestselling book Manifest Like a Mother here.Thank you so much for listening and I'll see you again next week,Fran xxx Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Happy winter! We're entering the darkest, coldest time of the year with: movies! Honestly, it's movies all the time no matter what. But at least one of them is seasonal and at least one of them is good! And all that is before we discuss a movie that's both of those things, 1995's The Day of the Beast! Decide to do all the evil you can with us as we discuss real Madrid architecture, cheesy occult television shows, and Satan as a cockroach.

0:00 Intro 0:11 Santa 8:52 Break up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sam goes where he's never gone before for our sixth annual Winter Bizarre with a delve into his teen psyche as he recaps A Very Jonas Christmas Movie from 2025. Does he know anything about the Jonas Brothers? No. But neither does Danielle, so it's fine. We quickly learn there are three of them, which Danielle was pretty sure about having paid some modicum of attention to the last twenty years of music, but Sam was guessing on through context. Unfortunately, other than that, the movie is short on details about the lives of the Bronases, expecting if you are choosing to watch this movie you already have some insider knowledge. They'd be wrong. In a surprising twist of movie-telling, when the Bronases are going to be separated for the holidays post-tour (which frankly, they should be for their mental health), Santa decides to help them out by gifting them the curse of not being able to leave Europe and make it home to their families in the states for Christmas. Yes, Santa does think that three grown, wealthy men who have a private jet are the protagonists of a holiday movie. Yes, the movie is not about the inherent system inequalities of the industrial wealth complex and how the Bronases overcome it to become better people. Yes, Santa does think these men with families who just spent every day of the last six months together on tour need to skip seeing their children to spend more time together. Santa…what are you doing right now? Anyway, morality aside, cue shenanigans as the trio Planes, Trains, & Automobiles all over the continent trying to escape the curse of Santa. Oh, did we mention it's a musical? And we don't mean a "of course, it has musical numbers, the Jonas Brothers are on tour", we mean a full-on musical with dance sequences in train stations. Does that make up for the premise? Honestly, yes. Did Danielle watch this the moment Sam was done talking about it? Also, yes. The Bronases are shockingly delightful as they gallivant around Europe in search of…each other? Per usual, therapy would solve these issues. Per usual, nobody gets therapy and their emotions are solved by literal magic. Oh, holiday movies, never change.

  By Mary Lindow AS I PREPARE THIS PODCAST OUR HOME HAS THE AROMA OF BANANA BREAD FILLING THE AIR WITH A COZY WARMTH. Soft Carols are playing in the background. My dear Steve has gone bed for now. He's been working on a carpentry project for my Christmas present.   AS I SIT HERE, MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS ARE MOVED WITH TENDERNESS FOR THOSE WHO ARE GRIEVING over the recent miscarriage of a 22 week old baby, a friend who has had a sudden death of a family member, those friends of mine tending to the sick and fragile, and for the widows I know, who ache for the arms of the one they loved so well for so long. My heart is saddened by the weariness of knowing single friends of Steve and I are longing for rest and still have hopes of meeting another godly person who might be the one to nurture and live them. ALL OF THE KINDNESSES AND BEAUTIFUL THINGS OF CHRISTMAS, truly, when wrapped up in compassion, outreach to those who are hurting, personal sacrifice so that others may thrive, and with discernment to know when these things are God nudging you, this is what makes the true value of Christmas shine.   CHRIST CAME TO GIVE. He came to give all. To tend to all those that were held captive, to set them free, to open the eyes of the blinded and the cerebral intellectuals who refuse to hear the truth. But yet, HE came! And HE is still speaking today, still pursuing those who run from him.   WHEN GOD BREATHED THE BREATH OF LIFE INTO EVERY HUMAN BEING... ...IT WAS HIS BREATH   As long as there is breath in a human, it is the breath of God. God will pursue every human being, regardless of how they feel towards him. This is the love that came down at Christmas. And this is the love that stays. People can run. But they cannot hide from the light of God.   AS I SHARE THIS BRIEF BUT WARM AND HEARTFELT PODCAST WITH YOU, I wanted to share something so profoundly, beautiful and so well spoken. I've read over and meditated/ pondered it many times during this Christmas season because there have been disappointments! There have has been betrayals, harsh words, indifference, people pushing you away because they can't receive the love you offer them. These are the things Jesus experienced on a regular basis, and yet in his perfection, he continued to pursue the will of God in his life, and eventually, it COST him his life!   THAT LITTLE, WEE BABE IN THE MANGER TROUGH, He was filled with the fullness of God and was God, but chose to walk out in human flesh, incarnate, the life of everyday human beings, in order to prove that he was aware of the suffering and the sorrows of this human life in a fallen world.   AS I SHARE THIS BEAUTIFUL EXPRESSION FROM ANOTHER INDIVIDUAL BY THE NAME OF JESSICA JECKER, (who is an influencer on another social media site), I hope that you will allow it to saturate any part of you that is suffering or that is resisting love, or, is perhaps angry at God, questioning why life is so hard, or where you may have become bitter and hardened to the tenderness that is available to each of us.   LISTEN CLOSELY TO THE CRY OF MALACHI AND WHAT GOD‘S WORD SPOKE. Listen to the words of one pondering the beauty and the fierce sacrifice that Jesus so humbly and willingly yielded to so that we might truly celebrate a Savior. HERE IT IS: “This week, I lingered in the final breath of Malachi's words and I felt the unbearable weight of what followed. When the prophet finished speaking, heaven did not answer. The echo of his voice faded...and then... nothing. Four hundred years of silence. No open vision. No burning word. No prophet rising with fire in his bones. No “Thus says the Lord” breaking the darkness. Four hundred years of waiting. Of longing. Of groaning. Of hearts lifted toward heaven that seemed sealed shut. Generation after generation was born into the quiet. They lived. They died. And still—no voice. Until one night. On a dirt floor in a forgotten place... in a stable that did not look holy... in the shadows of obscurity and insignificance... a sound was released. After four hundred years, heaven spoke again— Not with thunder, not with fire, not from a mountain- but from the lungs of a newborn. A cry pierced the silence. A cry that split history in two. A cry that carried eternity within it. In that moment, the King of Glory stepped down into the dust of His own creation. The Eternal wrapped Himself in skin. The Word became flesh—and cried. The Son laid aside His throne and chose a manger. Heaven's highest treasure placed in a feeding trough. He came low. He came meek. He came breakable. Wrapped in swaddling cloths, laid where animals ate, born beneath the looming shadow of a cross. A Lamb born to be slain. The Hope of a hopeless world breathed His first breath in the dark. A weary world rejoiced as a young virgin labored and delivered its redemption. In that manger, the Great I AM made Himself vulnerable. Touchable. Killable. And with one holy cry, the silence was shattered. The separation was broken. The way was opened. Then, suddenly, heaven could not remain quiet. The skies erupted with angelic voices declaring, “Glory to God in the highest!” Wonderful. Counselor. Mighty God! Everlasting Father. Prince of Peace. With the cry of an infant, heaven invaded earth. Behold—our Redeemer. Behold—our King. Behold—the fulfillment of every promise. Behold—the sound that broke four hundred years of silence. Not the roar of an army. Not the shout of a king claiming His crown. But the fragile cry of God-with-us. He did not arrive with a sword in His hand, but with nails already written into His future. He did not enter wrapped in royalty, but in cloths that foretold a burial. The silence was not just broken, it was answered. Every unanswered prayer. Every tear cried into the dark. Every generation that waited without seeing. Every promise that seemed delayed but not denied. All of it converged in that single cry. That night, heaven did not just speak- heaven gave. God did not send another prophet. He did not send another sign. He sent Himself. And in that stable, eternity took its first shallow breath. Omnipotence learned weakness. Glory learned humility. Love made itself small. The cry that shattered the silence would one day be echoed again- not from a manger, but from a cross. The first cry said, “He has come.” The final cry would say, “It is finished.” From swaddling cloths to grave clothes, from a feeding trough to a borrowed tomb, He came to be broken so we could be made whole. And even now, that sound still reverberates. It calls the weary. It awakens the forgotten. It reaches into the places where heaven has felt silent again. If God could speak through the cry of a baby, He can still break silence in our darkest night. So behold Him. Not distant. Not untouchable. Not unmoved.   But Emmanuel. God.  With. Us."   SUCH TREMENDOUS AND EXPRESSIVE WORDS!   DEAR PERSON, WHO MAY BE LISTENING TO THIS PODCAST OR READING IT IN PRINTED FORM. Talk to Jesus. Cry. Ask Him to show you his love, his true self, his kindness. His merciful forgiveness. He's listening.   LET'S PRAY BEFORE I END THIS PODCAST. "Heavenly Father, For Those Who Are Lonely This Christmas, I Pray That You Would Surround Them With Your Presence. Let Them Feel Your Nearness. Bring People Into Their Lives Who Can Offer Companionship and Comfort. Help Them To Know That Even When They Feel Alone, Abandoned or Weary That They Are Never Truly Alone Because You Are Always With Them. Heal the Wounds That the Holidays Have Opened. Replace Sorrow With Your Joy, Despair With Your Hope, and Loneliness With the Knowledge That You Will Never Leave Us or Forsake Us. Thank You That Jesus Came To Heal the Brokenhearted and to Bind up our Deep Wounds From Life on Planet Earth. I Trust You To Do That Work in my Life and in the Lives of all Who Are Hurting This Christmas. Father, This Christmas I Celebrate the Birth of my Savior With a Grateful Heart. Help Me To Never Get Over the Wonder of the Gospel, Never Stop Being Amazed That You Loved Me Enough To Send Jesus. May my Life Be a Living Thank-You Note for the Gift You Gave at Christmas—the Gift of Your Son, my Savior and my King. In the Comforting Name of Jesus, Amen."   I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS PODCAST! I know that we are fast approaching that day we celebrate and give gifts and just sit back and enjoy the beauty of the season, but, I know many people suffer during this time and, Jesus is there with you. He's understands you're suffering and he understands where you're stuck. I encourage you to not hold onto those things that you want to manage or control or that you think, “This is just the way it's going to, be it's always been this way.” That is fatalistic thinking and it's really actually ungodly. It's an attitude that says, “I will control my destiny, and... I have control over my life because nobody else can help me.”   I ENCOURAGE YOU TO SOFTEN, TO TENDERIZE YOUR HEART BEFORE THE LORD IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS, and as you listen to Christmas carols and hear the words of “Joy to the World, the Lord Has Come, Let Earth Receive her King and Let Every Heart Prepare Him Room.” That means it's up to us to “prepare room” in our hearts to receive what the king has for us. All the things the King has for us. Some of it is discipline. Some of it is change. Some of it is repenting for just being angry , and some of it is walking in fear. Know this, that if we will prepare a room for him to come in and live and dwell, we can enjoy His presence in a greater way with us during this season and into the next year.   I'M GOING TO CLOSE OUT FOR NOW AND I WANT TO THANK YOU AGAIN FOR LISTENING! I want to thank those of you who have been so kind to support and assist me. Honestly, I am just so grateful because I just don't know how I would really do these without those that are touched and moved by God to assist is publishing this podcast and also to assist me in helping others with counseling who have a lower incomes, or, who are going through difficulties where their income is so tight, and they need that counseling, they need that help. WHEN YOU HELP BLESS AND SUPPORT WHAT THE LORD HAS ASKED ME TO DO OFTEN I'M ABLE TO DO A LOT OF PRO BONO WORK because I know there's a little bit more in that bank account for ministry that I can then draw on. Steve and I live very frugally. We don't have big mansions and we certainly aren't driving any Rolls-Royce's, yet God seems to always come through and provide in ways that truly humble us. Part of that is those that God moves on, and those that listen to him and do support what God has called us to do in these days. I thank you again, and I asked that he pours out a blessing upon you in grace and in kindness and in peace for your kindness and grace back to me. I WISH YOU ALL THE VERY MOST PEACEFUL AND BLESSED AND JOYFUL CHRISTMAS HOLIDAY SEASON!   I will close this podcast out now and send my love and blessing to each one you! Merry Christmas!   Duplication and sharing of this writing is welcomed As long as the complete message, website and podcast  information for Mary Lindow is included. Thank You! Copyright © 2025   " THE MESSENGER "  - "The Advocate of Hope"  Mary Lindow www.marylindow.com PODCAST   If you would be so kind and assist Mary helping her to meet other administrative needs such as website and podcast costs,  or  desire to bless her service in ministry with Spirit-led Love gifts or regular support: Please JOYFULLY send your gift in the form of:  ► Personal Checks ► Business Checks ► Money Orders ► Cashiers Checks To:  His Beloved Ministries Inc.  PO Box 1253 Denver, Colorado 80614  USA    Or feel free to use our send a tax-deductible gift with Pay Pal   paypal.me/mlindow  Under the name of - Mary Lindow His Beloved Ministries Inc.    ALL gifts are tax-deductible under His Beloved Ministries 5013c non-profit status.   We are financially accountable and have been in full compliance since 1985.  THANK YOU!      

In this Episode, I revisit my 2025 predictions! From the typical Frank “I told you so's” to the ones I got completely wrong. So…how did I do? Honestly, better than I expected. A little impressive. Maybe even scary at times.  Merry Christmas!

Christmas week can be beautiful and magical, and also… heavy, chaotic, and emotionally exhausting. Today's episode isn't about protein targets, perfect workouts, or “balancing out” desserts. It's about making your fitness a VIBE, and something that supports you (instead of draining you). This year stretched me in ways I never expected. From serious health issues to scary moments with my kids, unexpected losses, and being forced to slow down when I didn't want to, 2025 asked more of me than most years EVER have.Honestly? I did the bare f*cking minimum with my fitness for long stretches of time. Not because I didn't care, but because that's all I had.If you're in a similar season where all YOU can do right now is the bare minimum, that is still enough! This week, your effort might look smaller, but your intention gets to be BIGGER. It's not about pushing harder - it's about showing up softer, and in a way that truly supports you in this season.Episode recap:Why your Christmas week doesn't need perfect workouts or rigid rulesMy reflection on an incredibly challenging year + how this impacted my fitnessWhy the bare f*cking minimum IS enoughPrioritizing your atmosphere over workouts3 ways to romanticize your fitness during the holidaysWhy your biggest fitness progress isn't always physicalLinks/Resources:Ep. 220 | Romanticizing Your Fitness: Softness, Intention & Connection This Holiday SeasonGrab your FREE Body Recomp Meal Prep and get the UFYF NewsletterListen to the Girls with Opinions PodcastJoin FIT CLUB, my monthly membership with workouts you can do at home or the gymPRIVATE COACHING is my 1:1 program (choose 3 or 6 month option)Connect with me on Instagram @kristycastillofit and @unfuckyourfitnesspodcast so we can keep this conversation going-be sure to tag me in your posts and stories!Join my FREE Facebook group, Unf*ck Your FitnessClick HERE for my favorite fitness & life things!Send me a text with episode ideas or just to say hi! Support the show

Before you set a single new goal, I want to invite you to pause. In this episode of The Modern High Performer, I'm guiding you through a thoughtful end‑of‑year reflection process designed to help you make sense of the last 12 months honestly, without judgment, and without the pressure to "spin" everything into growth. Thank you to Clay & Vine for Sponsoring this Episode  Inquire Here for In-Person or Virtual Support https://clayandvineinteriors.com/contact   I share five reflection prompts I use personally and with coaching clients to surface what actually mattered this year, what quietly drained you, and what's ready to change. I also open up about my own moments of tension, growth, and recalibration especially around work, family, expectations, and connection. This isn't about squeezing meaning out of every hard moment. It's about clarity. It's about giving yourself permission to evolve before you decide what's next. I would encourage you to grab a pen and paper to journal on these questions: What looked good on paper but didn't feel good in real life? What has been the hardest part of the year for me? And what did you learn from it? Where do you need to stop comparing and performing? Who did I let see the real version of me this year? Where have I been strong, but not alone? What permission do I need to give myself before I set goals for the next year? If you're feeling the pull to do things differently in the year ahead, this conversation will help you slow down, take stock, and move forward with intention. Here are the some great resources I wanted to share with you: Apply for 1:1 Coaching https://www.mollyasplin.com/subscribe molly@mollyasplin.com Follow Me on Instagram Growth Day App - 7 Day Free Trial  Energize - My Favorite Pre-Workout Supplement code MOLLYA3BODI for 15% off Personality Isn't Permanent by Benjamin Hardy   Are you looking to improve performance and team effectiveness across your team? Book A Team Effectiveness Consult Here   If this message resonated with you, I'd be so grateful if you'd leave a rating and review—it helps the show reach more high achievers who are ready to do life and work differently.   And if you're listening today, take a screenshot of this episode & tag me on Instagram @molly.asplin so I can personally thank you and cheer you on!

Episode SummaryJoin Adam Coelho for a gentle guided meditation focused on the transformative practice of starting again. This 10-minute meditation guides you through mindful breathing, present moment awareness, and the powerful reminder that no matter how many times your mind wanders, you always have the ability to begin fresh with just one breath.This practice emphasizes self-compassion and the understanding that distraction isn't a failure—it's simply an opportunity to return to the present moment. The meditation concludes with a gratitude practice, inviting you to connect with something you're grateful for and feel that appreciation throughout your body.Perfect for both beginners and experienced meditators looking for a reminder that starting again is always available, anywhere, anytime.What You'll PracticeBreath awareness: Finding your home base in the sensations of breathingNon-judgmental awareness: Meeting your experience with openness, kindness, and curiosityThe art of beginning again: Recognizing when attention has wandered and gently returning to the presentGratitude practice: Cultivating appreciation and letting it infuse your entire beingAccessibility: Understanding that this practice is available with just one mindful breathKey TakeawaysMeditation isn't about never getting distracted—it's about noticing when you've wandered and choosing to come backEach in-breath is a new beginning; each out-breath is a chance to let goThe ability to start again applies not just to meditation, but to life more broadlyWhen you notice your mind has wandered, you're already back—simply choose to begin againGratitude can be a full-body experience that infuses every cellThis practice is accessible anywhere, anytime, with just one conscious breathResources MentionedMindful Fire Envisioning Guide: mindfulfire.org/start - Download this free 10-minute guide to craft a clear and inspiring vision for your life

We love a good strategy here at Entrepreneur School, but what happens when the only plan is to just… wing it?Honestly, this is one of the main reasons I started this show—to have real, unfiltered conversations about what it actually takes to build a business and a family at the same time. And let me tell you, it's never a perfectly executed 5-step plan.Today, I'm talking to Jessica Lamb, host of the Mama Making podcast and founder of Collabs Creative. She's in the thick of it with a young son, and she gets brutally honest about operating without a roadmap, ditching the comparison game, and redefining what success even means.This episode is a permission slip to let your journey be messy. We talk about everything from leveraging ADHD and procrastination to your advantage, to the complicated feelings that come up when your partner is the primary breadwinner.If you've ever felt like you're making it up as you go while everyone else on Instagram has it figured out, this one's for you.You'll learn:How to embrace flexibility as a superpower when your schedule is dictated by sick days and nap times.Why working with your unique brain (procrastination and all) is more effective than forcing someone else's systems.The truth about comparison culture and how to put on “blinders” to stay on your own path, at your own pace.How to redefine your value beyond the dollar amount you bring in (because your contribution is so much more than that).The strategic power of starting small to build a sustainable foundation without burning yourself out.Why your version of success is the only one that matters—whether that's hitting seven figures or making it to the school field trip.

We love a good strategy here at Entrepreneur School, but what happens when the only plan is to just… wing it?Honestly, this is one of the main reasons I started this show—to have real, unfiltered conversations about what it actually takes to build a business and a family at the same time. And let me tell you, it's never a perfectly executed 5-step plan.Today, I'm talking to Jessica Lamb, host of the Mama Making podcast and founder of Collabs Creative. She's in the thick of it with a young son, and she gets brutally honest about operating without a roadmap, ditching the comparison game, and redefining what success even means.This episode is a permission slip to let your journey be messy. We talk about everything from leveraging ADHD and procrastination to your advantage, to the complicated feelings that come up when your partner is the primary breadwinner.If you've ever felt like you're making it up as you go while everyone else on Instagram has it figured out, this one's for you.You'll learn:How to embrace flexibility as a superpower when your schedule is dictated by sick days and nap times.Why working with your unique brain (procrastination and all) is more effective than forcing someone else's systems.The truth about comparison culture and how to put on “blinders” to stay on your own path, at your own pace.How to redefine your value beyond the dollar amount you bring in (because your contribution is so much more than that).The strategic power of starting small to build a sustainable foundation without burning yourself out.Why your version of success is the only one that matters—whether that's hitting seven figures or making it to the school field trip.

In this live episode, Tricia Eastman joins to discuss Seeding Consciousness: Plant Medicine, Ancestral Wisdom, Psychedelic Initiation. She explains why many Indigenous initiatory systems begin with consultation and careful assessment of the person, often using divination and lineage-based diagnostic methods before anyone enters ceremony. Eastman contrasts that with modern frameworks that can move fast, rely on short trainings, or treat the medicine as a stand-alone intervention. Early Themes: Ritual, Preparation, and the Loss of Container Eastman describes her background, including ancestral roots in Mexico and her later work at Crossroads Ibogaine in Mexico, where she supported early ibogaine work with veterans. She frames her broader work as cultural bridging that seeks respect rather than fetishization, and assimilation into modern context rather than appropriation. Early discussion focuses on: Why initiatory traditions emphasize purification, preparation, and long timelines Why consultation matters before any high-intensity medicine work How decades of training shaped traditional initiation roles Why people can get harmed when they treat medicine as plug and play Core Insights: Alchemy, Shadow, and Doing the Work A major throughline is Eastman's critique of the belief that a psychedelic alone will erase trauma. She argues that shadow work remains part of the human condition, and that healing is less about a one-time fix and more about building capacity for relationship with the unconscious. Using alchemical language, she describes "nigredo" as fuel for the creative process, not as something to eliminate forever. Key insights include: Psychedelics are tools, not saviors You cannot outsource responsibility to a pill, a modality, or a facilitator Progress requires practice, discipline, and honest engagement with what arises "Healing" often shows up as obstacles encountered while trying to live and create Later Discussion and Takeaways: Iboga, Ethics, and Biocultural Stewardship Joe and Tricia move into a practical and ethically complex discussion about iboga supply chains, demand pressure, and the risks of amplifying interest without matching it with harm reduction and reciprocity. Eastman emphasizes medical screening, responsible messaging, and supporting Indigenous-led stewardship efforts. She also warns that harm can come from both under-trained modern facilitators and irresponsible people claiming traditional legitimacy. Concrete takeaways include: Treat iboga and ibogaine as high-responsibility work that demands safety protocols Avoid casual marketing that encourages risky self-administration Support Indigenous-led biocultural stewardship and reciprocity efforts Give lineage carriers a meaningful seat at the table in modern policy and clinical conversations Frequently Asked Questions Who is Tricia Eastman? Tricia Eastman is an author, facilitator, and founder of Ancestral Heart. Her work focuses on cultural bridging, initiation frameworks, and Indigenous-led stewardship. What is Seeding Consciousness about? The book examines plant medicine through initiatory traditions, emphasizing consultation, ritual, preparation, and integration rather than reductionistic models. Why does Tricia Eastman critique modern psychedelic models? She argues that many models remove the ritual container and long-form preparation that reduce risk and support deeper integration. Is iboga or ibogaine safe? With the right oversite, yes. Eastman stresses that safety depends on cardiac screening, careful protocols, and experienced oversight. She warns against informal or self-guided use. How can people support reciprocity and stewardship? She encourages donating or supporting Indigenous-led biocultural stewardship initiatives like Ancestral Heart and aligning public messaging with harm reduction. Closing Thoughts This episode makes a clear case that Tricia Eastman Seeding Consciousness is not only a book about psychedelics, but a critique of how the field is developing. Eastman argues that a successful future depends on mature containers, serious safety culture, and respectful partnership with lineage carriers, especially as interest in iboga and ibogaine accelerates. Links https://www.ancestralheart.com https://www.innertraditions.com/author/tricia-eastman Transcript Joe Moore Hello, everybody. Welcome back. Joe Moore with you again from Psychedelics Today, joined today by Tricia Eastman. Tricia, you just wrote a book called Seeding Consciousness. We're going to get into that a bunch today, but how are you today? [00:00:16.07] - Tricia Eastman I'm so good. It's exciting to be live. A lot of the podcasts I do are offline, and so it's like we're being witnessed and feels like just can feel the energy behind It's great. [00:00:31.11] - Joe Moore It's fun. It's a totally different energy than maybe this will come out in four months. This is real, and there's people all over the world watching in real-time. And we'll get some comments. So folks, if you're listening, please leave us some comments. And we'd love to chat a little bit later about those. [00:00:49.23] - Tricia Eastman I'm going to join the chat so that I can see... Wait, I just want to make sure I'm able to see the comments, too. Do I hit join the chat? [00:01:01.17] - Joe Moore Sometimes you can, sometimes you can't. I can throw comments on the screen so we can see them together. [00:01:07.02] - Tricia Eastman Cool. [00:01:08.03] - Joe Moore Yeah. So it'll be fun. Give us comments, people. Please, please, please, please. Yeah, you're all good. So Tricia, I want to chat about your book. Tell us high level about your book, and then we're going to start digging into you. [00:01:22.10] - Tricia Eastman So Seeding Consciousness is the title, and I know it's a long subtitled Plant Medicine, Ancestral Wisdom, Psychedelic Initiation. And I felt like it was absolutely necessary for the times that we are in right now. When I was in Gabon in 2018, in one of my many initiations, as as an initiative, the Fung lineage of Buiti, which I've been practicing in for 11 years now, I was given the instructions. I was given the integration homework to write this book. And I would say I don't see that as this divine thing, like you were given the assignment. I think I was given the assignment because it's hard as F to write a book. I mean, it really tests you on so many levels. I mean, even just thinking about putting yourself out there from a legal perspective, and then also, does it make any sense? Will anyone buy it? And on Honestly, it's not me. It's really what I was given to write, but it's based on my experience working with several thousand people over the years. And really, the essence of it is that in our society, we've taken this reductionistic approach in psychedelics, where we've really taken out the ritual. [00:02:54.05] - Tricia Eastman Even now with the FDA trial for MDMA for PTSD. There's even conversations with a lot of companies that are moving forward, psychedelics, through the FDA process, through that pathway, that are talking about taking the therapy out. And the reality is that in these ancient initiatic traditions, they were very long, drawn out experiences with massive purification rituals, massive amounts of different types of practice in order to prepare oneself to meet the medicine. Different plants were taken, like vomatifs and different types of purification rituals were performed. And then you would go into this profound initiatic experience because the people that were working with you that were in, we call it the Nema, who gives initiations, had decades of training and experience doing these types of initiatic experiences. So if you compare that to the modern day framework, we have people that go online and get a certificate and start serving people medicine or do it in a context where maybe there isn't even an established container or facilitator whatsoever. And so really, the idea is, how can we take the essence of this ancient wisdom wisdom, like when you look at initiation, the first step is consultation, which is really going deep into the history of the individual using different types of techniques that are Indigenous technologies, such as different forms of divination, such as cowrie shell readings. [00:04:52.18] - Tricia Eastman And there's different types of specific divinations that are done in different branches of And before one individual would even go into any initiation, you need to understand the person and where they're coming from. So it's really about that breakdown of all of that, and how can we integrate elements of that into a more modern framework. [00:05:24.23] - Joe Moore Brilliant. All right. Well, thank you for that. And let's chat about you. You've got a really interesting past, very dynamic, could even call it multicultural. And you've got a lot of experience that informed this book. So how did this stuff come forward for you? [00:05:50.02] - Tricia Eastman I mean, I've never been the person to seek anything. My family on my mother's side is from Mexico, from Oaxaca, Trique, Mixtec, and Michica. And we had a long lineage of practice going back to my, at least I know from my great, great grandmother, practicing a blend of mestiza, shamanism, combining centerea and Catholicism together. So it's more of like a syncratic mestiza, mestiza being mixed tradition. And so I found it really interesting because later on, when my grandfather came to the United States, he ended up joining the military. And in being in the US, he didn't really have a place. He's very devout spiritual man, but he didn't have a place to practice this blended spiritual tradition. So the mystical aspect of it went behind. And as I started reconnecting to my ancestral lineage, this came forth that I was really starting to understand the mystical aspect of my ancestry. And interestingly, at the same time, was asked to work at Crossroads Abigain in Mexico. And it's so interesting to see that Mexico has been this melting pot and has been the place where Abigain has chosen to plant its roots, so to say, and has treated thousands of veterans. [00:07:36.28] - Tricia Eastman I got to be part of the group of facilitators back over 10 years ago. We treated the first Navy Seals with Abogaine, and that's really spurred a major interest in Abogaine. Now it's in every headline. I also got 10 I got initiated into the Fung lineage of Buiti and have really studied the traditional knowledge. I created a nonprofit back in 2019 called Ancestral Heart, which is really focused on Indigenous-led stewardship. Really, the book helps as a culmination of the decade of real-world experience of combining My husband, Dr. Joseph Barzulia. He's a psychologist. He's also a pretty well-known published researcher in Abigain and 5MEO-DMT, but also deeply spiritual and deeply in respect for the Indigenous traditions that have carried these medicines before us. So we've really been walking this complex path of world bridging between how we establish these relationships and how we bring some of these ancient knowledge systems back into the forefront, but not in a way of fetishizing them, but in a way of deeply respecting them and what we can learn, but from our own assimilation and context versus appropriation. So really, I think the body of my work is around that cultural bridging. [00:09:31.07] - Joe Moore That's brilliant. And yeah, there's some really fun stuff I learned in the book so far that I want to get into later. But next question is, who is your intended audience here? Because this is an interesting book that could hit a few categories, but I'm curious to hear from you. [00:09:49.02] - Tricia Eastman It's so funny because when I wrote the book, I wasn't thinking, oh, what's my marketing plan? What's my pitch? Who's my intended audience? Because it was my homework, and I knew I needed to write the book, and maybe that was problematic in the sense that I had to go to publishers and have a proposal. And then I had to create a formula in hindsight. And I would say the demographic of the book mirrors the demographic of where people are in the psychedelic space, which It's skewed slightly more male, although very female. I think sex isn't necessarily important when we're thinking about the level of trauma and the level of spiritual healing and this huge deficit that we have in mental health, which is really around our disconnection from our true selves, from our heart, from our souls, from this idea of of what Indigenous knowledge systems call us the sacred. It's really more of an attitude of care and presence. I'm sure we could give it a different name so that individuals don't necessarily have any guard up because we have so much negative conditioning related to the American history of religion, which a lot of people have rejected, and some have gone back to. [00:11:37.06] - Tricia Eastman But I think we need to separate it outside of that. I would say the demographic is really this group of I would say anywhere from 30 to 55 male females that are really in this space where maybe they're doing some of the wellness stuff. They're starting to figure some things out, but it's just not getting them there. And when something happens in life, for example, COVID-19 would be a really great example. It knocks them off course, and they just don't have the tools to find that connection. And I would say it even spans across people that do a lot of spiritual practice and maybe are interested in what psychedelics can do in addition to those practices. Because when we look at my view on psychedelics, is they fit within a whole spectrum of wellness and self-care and any lineage of spiritual practice, whether it's yoga or Sufism or Daoist tradition. But they aren't necessarily the thing that... I think there's an over focus on the actual substance itself and putting it on a pedestal that I think is problematic in our society because it goes back to our religious context in the West is primarily exoteric, meaning that we're seeking something outside of ourselves to fulfill ourselves. [00:13:30.29] - Tricia Eastman And so I think that when we look at psychedelic medicines as this exoteric thing versus when we look at initiatory traditions are about inward and direct experience. And all of these spiritual practices and all of these modalities are really designed to pull you back into yourself, into having a direct relationship with yourself and direct experience. And I feel like the minute that you are able to forge that connection, which takes practice and takes discipline, then you don't need to necessarily look at all these other tools outside of yourself. It's like one of my favorite analogies is the staff on the Titanic were moving the furniture around as it was sinking, thinking that they might save the boat from sinking by moving the furniture around. I think that's how we've been with a lot of ego-driven modalities that aren't actually going into the full unconscious, which is where we need to go to have these direct experiences. Sorry for the long answer, but it is for everybody, and it's not just about psychedelics. Anyone can take something from this doing any spiritual work. But we talk a lot about the Indigenous philosophy and how that ties in alongside with spiritual practice and more of this inner way of connecting with oneself and doing the work. [00:15:21.22] - Tricia Eastman And I think also really not sugar coating it in the sense that the psychedelics aren't going to save us. They're not going to cure PTSD. Nothing you take will. It's you that does the work. And if you don't do the work, you're not going to have an 87 % success rate with opioid use disorder or whatever it is, 60 something % for treatment-resistant depression or whatever. It's like you have to do the work. And so we can't keep putting the power in the modality reality or the pill. [00:16:03.18] - Joe Moore Yeah, that makes sense. So you did an interesting thing here with this book, and it was really highlighting aspects of the alchemical process. And people don't necessarily have exposure. They hear the words alchemy. I get my shoulders go up when I hear alchemizing, like transmutation. But it's a thing. And how do we then start communicating this from Jung? I found out an interesting thing recently as an ongoing student. Carl Jung didn't necessarily have access to all that many manuscripts. There's so many alchemical manuscripts available now compared to what he had. And as a result, our understanding of alchemy has really evolved. Western alchemy, European alchemy, everybody. Perhaps Kmetic, too. I don't know. You could speak to that more. I don't keep track of what's revealed in Egypt. So it's really interesting to present that in a forward way? How has it been received so far? Or were you nervous to present this in this way? [00:17:25.10] - Tricia Eastman I mean, honestly, I think the most important The important thing is that in working with several thousand people over the years, people think that taking the psychedelic and the trauma is going to go away. It's always there. I mean, we We archetypically will have the shadow as long as we need the shadow to learn. And so even if we go into a journey and we transcend it, it's still there. So I would say that the The feedback has been really incredible. I mean, the people that are reading... I mean, I think because I'm weaving so many different, complex and deep concepts into one book, it might be a little harder to market. And I think the biggest bummer was that I was really trying to be respectful to my elders and not say anything in the title about Iboga and Abigain, even though I talk a lot about it in the book, and it's such a hot topic, it's really starting to take off. But the people that have read it really consider it. They really do the work. They do the practices in the book, and I'm just getting really profound feedback. So that's exciting to me because really, ultimately, alchemy... [00:18:55.22] - Tricia Eastman Yeah, you're right. It gets used Used a lot in marketing lingo and sitting in the depth of the tar pit. For me, when I was in Gabon, I remember times where I really had to look at things that were so dark in my family history that I didn't even realize were mine until later connected to my lineage. And the dark darkness connected to that and just feeling that and then knowing really the truth of our being is that we aren't those things. We're in this process of changing and being, and so nothing is is fixed, but there is a alchemical essence in just learning to be with it. And so not always can we just be with something. And and have it change, but there are many times that we can actually just be with those parts of ourselves and be accepting, where it's not like you have to have this intellectualized process It's just like, first you have the negrado, then you tune into the albeda, and you receive the insights, and you journal about it, and da, da, da, da, da Action, Mars aspect of it, the rubeda of the process. It's not like that at all. [00:20:44.15] - Tricia Eastman It's really that the wisdom that comes from it because you're essentially digesting black goo, which is metaphoric to the oil that we use to power all of society that's pulled deep out of the Earth, and it becomes gold. It becomes... And really, the way I like to think of it is like, in life, we are here to create, and we are not here to heal ourselves. So if you go to psychedelic medicine and you want to heal yourself, you're going to be in for... You're just going to be stuck and burnt out because that's not what we're here to do as human beings, and you'll never run out of things to heal. But if you You think of the negrado in alchemy as gasoline in your car. Every time you go back in, it's like refilling your gas tank. And whatever you go back in for as you're moving in the journey, it's almost like that bit of negrado is like a lump of coal that's burning in the gas tank. And that gets you to the next point to which there's another thing related to the creative process. So it's like As you're going in that process, you're going to hit these speed bumps and these obstacles in the way. [00:22:07.29] - Tricia Eastman And those obstacles in the way, that's the healing. So if you just get in the car in the human vehicle and you drive and you continue to pull out the shadow material and face it, you're going to keep having the steam, but not just focus on it, having that intention, having that connection to moving forward in life. And I hate to use those words because they sound so growth and expansion oriented, which life isn't always. It's evolutionary and deevolutionary. It's always in spirals. But ultimately, you're in a creative process would be the best way to orient it. So I think when we look at alchemy from that standpoint, then it's productive. Effective. Otherwise, it sounds like some brand of truffle salt or something. [00:23:09.12] - Joe Moore Yeah, I think it's a... If people want to dig in, amazing. It's just a way to describe processes, and it's super informative if you want to go there, but it's not necessary for folks to do the work. And I like how you framed it quite a bit. So let's see. There is one bit, Tricia, that my ears really went up on this one point about a story about Actually, let me do a tangent for you real quick, and then we're going to come back to this story. So are you familiar with the tribe, the Dogon, in Africa? Of course. Yeah. So they're a group that looks as though they were involved in Jewish and/or Egyptian traditions, and then ended up on the far side of like, what, Western Africa, far away, and had their own evolution away from Egypt and the Middle East. Fascinating. Fascinating stories, fascinating astronomy, and much more. I don't know too much about the religion. I love their masks. But this drew an analogy for me, as you were describing that the Buiti often have stories about having lineage to pre-dynastic Egyptian culture. I guess we'll call it that for now, the Kometic culture. [00:24:44.23] - Joe Moore I had not heard that before. Shame on me because I haven't really read any books about Buiti as a religion or organization, or anything to this point. But I found that really interesting to know that now, at least I'm aware of two groups claiming lineage to that ancient world of magic. Can you speak about that at all for us? Yeah. [00:25:09.24] - Tricia Eastman So first off, there really aren't any books talking about that. Some of the things I've learned from elders that I've spoke with and asked in different lineages in Masoco and in Fong Buiti, there's a few things. One, We lived in many different eras. Even if you go into ancient texts of different religions, creation stories, and biblical stories, they talk about these great floods that wiped out the planet. One of the things that Atum talks about, who is one of my Buiti fathers who passed a couple years ago, is Is the understanding that before we were in these different areas, you had Mu or Lumaria, you had Atlantis, and then you had our current timeline. And the way that consciousness was within those timelines was very different and the way the Earth was. You had a whole another continent called Atlantis that many people, even Plato, talks about a very specific location of. And what happened, I believe during that time period, Africa, at least the Saharan band of the desert was much more lush, and it was a cultural melting pot. So if you think about, for example, the Pygmy tribes, which are in Equatorial Africa, they are the ones that introduced Iboga to the Buiti. [00:27:08.08] - Tricia Eastman If you look at the history of ancient Egypt, what I'm told is that the Pygmies lived in Pharaonic Egypt, all the way up until Pharaonic Egypt. And there was a village. And if you look on the map in Egypt, you see a town called Bawiti, B-A-W-I-T-I. And that is the village where they lived. And I have an interesting hypothesis that the God Bess, if you look at what he's wearing, it's the exact same to a T as what the Pygmies wear. And the inspiration for which a lot of the Buiti, because they use the same symbology, because each part of the outfit, whether it's the Mocingi, which is like this animal skin, or the different feathers, they use the parrot feather as a symbology of speech and communication, all of these things are codes within the ceremony that were passed along. And so when you look at Bess, he's wearing almost the exact same outfit that the Pygmies are wearing and very similar to if you see pictures of the ceremonies of Misoko or Gonde Misoko, which I would say is one of the branches of several branches, but that are closer to the original way of Buiti of the jungle, so closer to the way the Pygmies practice. [00:28:59.16] - Tricia Eastman So If you look at Bess, just to back my hypothesis. So you look at Neteru. Neteru were the... They called them the gods of Egypt, and they were all giant. And many say the word nature actually means nature, but they really represented the divine qualities of nature. There's best. Look at him. And a lot of the historians said he's the God of Harmeline and children and happiness. I think he's more than the God of Harmeline, and I think that the Pygmies worked with many different plants and medicines, and really the ultimate aspect of it was freedom. If you think about liberation, like the libation, number one, that's drunkiness. Number two, liberation, you of freeing the joyous child from within, our true nature of who we are. You look at every temple in Egypt, and you look at these giant statues, and then you have this tiny little pygmy God, and there's no other gods that are like Bess. He's one of a kind. He's in his own category. You've You've got giant Hathor, you've got giant Thoth, you've got giant Osiris, Isis, and then you've got little tiny Bess. And so I think it backs this hypothesis. [00:30:48.27] - Tricia Eastman And my understanding from practitioners of Dogon tradition is that they also believe that their ancestors came from Egypt, and they definitely have a lot of similarity in the teachings that I've seen and been exposed to just from here. I mean, you can... There's some more modern groups, and who's to know, really, the validity of all of it. But there are some, even on YouTube, where you can see there's some more modern Dogon temples that are talking in English or English translation about the teachings, and they definitely line up with Kamehdi teachings. And so my hypothesis around that is that the Dogon are probably most likely pygmy descendants as, And the pygmy were basically run out of Bawiti because there was jealousy with the priest, because there was competition, because all of the offerings that were being made in the temple, there was a lot of power, connected to each of the temples. And there was competitiveness even amongst the different temples, lining the Nile and all of that, of who was getting the most offerings and who was getting the most visits. And so the Pygmies essentially were run out, and they migrated, some of them migrated south to Gabon and Equatorial Africa. [00:32:43.07] - Tricia Eastman And then If you think about the physical changes that happened during these planetary catastrophes, which we know that there had been more than one based on many historical books. So that whole area went through a desertification process, and the Equatorial rainforest remained. So it's highly likely even that Iboga, at one point, grew in that region as well. [00:33:18.00] - Joe Moore Have you ever seen evidence of artwork depicting Iboga there in Egypt? [00:33:24.17] - Tricia Eastman There are several different death temples. I'm trying to remember the name of the exact one that I went to, but on the columns, it looked like Iboga trees that were carved into the columns. And I think what's interesting about this... So Seychet is the divine scribe, the scribe of Egyptian wisdom. And she was basically, essentially the sidekick of Thoth. Thoth was who brought a lot of the ancient wisdom and people like Pythagoras and many of the ancient philosophers in Roman times went and studied in a lot of these Thoth lineage mystery schools. When you look at the the river of the Nile on the east side, east is the energy liturgy of initiation. It's always like if you go into a sweat lodge or if you see an ancient temple, usually the doorway is facing the east. West is where the sun sets, and so that's the death. And what's interesting about that is that it was on the west side in the death temple that you would see these aboga plants. But also Seixat was the one who was the main goddess depicted in the hieroglyphs, and there was other hieroglyphs. I mean, if you look at the hieroglyphs of Seixat, it looks like she has a cannabis leaf above her head, and a lot of people have hypothesized that, that it's cannabis. [00:35:16.03] - Tricia Eastman Of course, historians argue about that. And then she's also carrying a little vessel that looks like it has some mushrooms in it. And obviously, she has blue Lotus. Why would she be carrying around blue Lotus and mushrooms? I don't know. It sounds like some initiation. [00:35:36.19] - Joe Moore Yeah, I love that. Well, thanks so much for going there with me. This photo of Seixet. There's some good animations, but everybody just go look at the temple carvings picturing this goddess. It's stunning. And obviously, cannabis. I think it's hard to argue not. I've seen all these like, mushroom, quote, unquote, mushroom things everywhere. I'm like, Yeah, maybe. But this is like, Yes, that's clear. [00:36:06.27] - Tricia Eastman And if you look at what she's wearing, it's the exact same outfit as Bess, which is classic Basically, how the medicine woman or medicine man or what you would call shaman, the outfit that the healers would wear, the shamans or the oracles, those of the auracular arts, different forms of divination would wear. So if you really follow that and you see, Oh, what's Isis wearing? What's Hathor wearing? What's Thoth wearing? You can tell she's very specifically the healer. And it's interesting because they call her the divine scribe. So she's actually downloading, my guess is she's taking plants and downloading from the primordial. [00:37:02.00] - Joe Moore Well, okay. Thanks for bringing that up. That was a lovely part of your book, was your... There's a big initiation sequence, and then you got to go to this place where you could learn many things. Could you speak to that a little bit? And I hope that's an okay one to bring up. [00:37:22.22] - Tricia Eastman Are you talking about the time that I was in initiation and I went to the different ashrams, the different realms in, like Yogananda calls them astral schools that you go and you just download? It seemed like astral schools, but it seemed like it was a Bwiti initiation, where you were in silence for three days, and then Yeah, that one. So there were several different... I mean, I've done seven official initiations, and then I've had many other initiatic experiences. And I would say this one was incredible. Incredibly profound because what it showed me first was that all of the masters of the planet, it was showing me everyone from Kurt Cobain to Bob Marley to Einstein, all the people that had some special connection to an intelligence that was otherworldly, that they were essentially going to the same place, like they were visiting the same place, and they would go. And so the first thing I noticed was that I recognized a lot of people, and current, I'm not going I don't want to say names of people, but I recognize people that are alive today that I would say are profound thinkers that were going to these places as well. [00:38:57.05] - Tricia Eastman And interestingly, then I was taken into one of the classrooms, and in the classroom, this one, specifically, it showed me that you could download any knowledge instantaneously That essentially, having a connection to that school allowed you to download music or understand very complex ideas ideas of mathematics or physics or science that would take people like lifetimes to understand. So it was essentially showing this. And a lot of people might discredit that, that that might be a specific... That we as humans can do that. Well, I'm not saying that it's not that. I don't I don't want to say that it's anything. But what I can say is that I have definitely noticed the level of access that I have within my consciousness. And also what I notice with the masters of Bwiti, specifically in terms of the level of intelligence that they're accessing and that it's different. It's got a different quality to it. And so it was a really profound teaching. And one of the things, too, that I've learned is I use it to help me learn specific things. I don't know if I can give a positive testimonial, but I am learning French. [00:40:55.00] - Tricia Eastman And I noticed when I was in Aspen at the Abigain meeting, and I was with Mubeiboual, who speaks French, I started saying things French that I didn't even realize that I knew to say. I've had these weird moments where I'm actually using this tool And I'm also using it. I have a Gabonese harp. I don't know if you can see it up on the shelf over there. But I also went and asked for some help with downloading some assistance in the harp, then we'll see how that goes. [00:41:38.17] - Joe Moore Yeah. So that's brilliant. I'm thinking of other precedent for that outside of this context, and I can think of a handful. So I love that, like savant syndrome. And then there's a classic text called Ars Notoria that helps accelerate learning, allegedly. And then there's a number of other really interesting things that can help us gain these bits of wisdom and knowledge. And it does feel a little bit like the Dogon. The story I get is the receiving messages from the dog star, and therefore have all sorts of advanced information that they shouldn't we call it. Yeah. Yeah, which is fascinating. We have that worldwide. I think there's plenty of really interesting stuff here. So what I appreciated, Tricia, about how you're structuring your book, or you did structure your book, is that it it seems at the same time, a memoir, on another hand, workbook, like here are some exercises. On the other hand, like here's some things you might try in session. I really appreciated that. It was like people try to get really complicated when we talk about things like IFS. I'm like, well, you don't necessarily have to. You could. Or is this just a human thing, a human way to look at working with our parts? [00:43:20.15] - Joe Moore I don't know. Do you have any thoughts about the way you were approaching this parts work in your book versus how complicated some people make it feel? [00:43:30.00] - Tricia Eastman Yeah. I find that this is just my personal opinion, and no way to discredit Richard Schwartz's work. But parts work has existed in shamanism since forever. When we really look at even in ancient Egypt, Issus, she put Osiris act together. That was the metaphorical story of soul retrieval, which is really the spiritual journey of us reclaiming these pieces of ourselves that we've been disconnected from a society level or individually. And within the context of parts work, it's very organic and it feels other worldly. It's not like there's ever a force where I'm in the process with someone. And a lot of times I would even go into the process with people because they weren't accustomed to how to work with Iboga or game, and so they would be stuck. And then the minute I was like, you know, Iboga, in the tradition, it's really about... It's like the game Marco Polo. It's call and response. And so you're really an active participant, and you're supposed to engage with the spirits. And so the minute that things would show up, it'd be more about like, oh, what do you see? What's coming up here? Asking questions about it, being curious. [00:45:17.07] - Tricia Eastman If you could engage with it, sometimes there's processes where you can't really engage with things at all. So everything that I'm talking about is It was organically shown up as an active engagement process that it wasn't like we were going in. There have been some where you can guide a little bit, but you never push. It might be something like, go to your house, and it being completely unattached. And if they can't go there, then obviously the psyche doesn't want to go there, but it's really an exercise to help them to connect to their soul. And then in contrast, IFS is like, let's work on these different parts and identify these different parts of ourselves. But then let's give them fixed titles, and let's continually in a non-altered state of consciousness, not when we're meditating, not when we're actively in a state where we have the plasticity to change the pathway in the unconscious mind, but we're working in the egoic mind, and we're talking to these parts of ourselves. That could be helpful in the day-to-day struggles. Let's say you have someone who has a lot of rumination or a very active mind to have something to do with that. [00:46:57.01] - Tricia Eastman But that's not going to be the end-all, be-all solution to their problem. It's only moving the deck chairs around on the Titanic because you're still working in the framework where, I'm sorry, the Titanic is still sinking, and it may or may not be enough. It may or may not produce a reliable outcome that could be connected with some level of true relief and true connection within oneself. And so I think that people just... I feel like they almost get a little too... And maybe it's because we're so isolated and lonely, it's like, Oh, now I've got parts. I'm not by myself. I've got my fire I've got my firefighter, and I've got my guardian, and all these things. And I definitely think that IFS is a really great initiator into the idea of engaging with parts of ourselves and how to talk to them. But I don't think it's... And I think doing a session here and there, for some people, can be incredibly helpful, but to all of a sudden incorporate it in like a dogma is toxic. It's dangerous. And that's what we have to be really careful of. [00:48:23.25] - Joe Moore So thank you for that. There's a complicated discussion happening at the Aspen meeting. I think I was only sitting maybe 30 feet away from you. Sorry, I didn't say hi. But the folks from Blessings of the Forest were there, and I got a chance to chat with a number of them and learn more about nuclear protocols, biopiracy, literal piracy, and smuggling, and the works. I'm curious. This is a really complicated question, and I'm sorry for a complicated question this far in. But it's like, as we talk about this stuff publicly and give it increased profile, we are de facto giving more juice and energy to black markets to pirate. We're adding fuel to this engine that we don't necessarily want to see. Cameroon has nothing left, pretty much. From what I'm told, people from Cameroon are coming in, stealing it from Cabona, bringing it back, and then shipping it out. And there's It's like a whole worldwide market for this stuff. I witnessed it. This stuff. Yeah, right? This is real. So the people, the Buiti, and certain Gabanese farmers, are now being pirated. And international demand does not care necessarily about Nagoya compliance. United States didn't sign Nagoya protocol for this biopiracy protection, but we're not the only violator of these ethics, right? [00:50:00.22] - Joe Moore It's everywhere. So how do we balance thinking about talking about IBOCA publicly, given that there's no clean way to get this stuff in the United States that is probably not pirated materials? And as far as I know, there's only one, quote unquote, Nagoya compliant place. I've heard stories that I haven't shared publicly yet, that there's other groups that are compliant, too. But it's a really interesting conversation, and I'm curious of your perspectives there. [00:50:34.04] - Tricia Eastman I mean, this is a very long, drawn-out question, so forgive me if I give you a long, drawn-out answer. [00:50:41.01] - Joe Moore Go for it. [00:50:41.26] - Tricia Eastman It's all good. So in reality, I do believe... You know the first Ebo, Abogaine, that was done in the country was experiments on eight Black prisoners at a hospital under the MK program. [00:51:01.16] - Joe Moore Pre-lutz off, we were doing Abogaine tests on people. [00:51:06.00] - Tricia Eastman Yeah, so pre-Lutz off. I have a hypothesis, although a lot of people would already know me. [00:51:12.07] - Joe Moore No, I didn't know that. Thank you for sharing that with me. [00:51:14.13] - Tricia Eastman That's great. I'll send you some stuff on that. But the Aboga wanted to be here. The Abogaine wanted to be here. I think it's a complex question because on one side of the coin, you have the spirit of plants, which are wild and crazy sometimes. And then you have the initiatory traditions, which create a scaffolding to essentially put the lightning in a bottle, so to say, so that it's less damaging. [00:51:51.13] - Joe Moore It's almost like a temple structure around it. [00:51:53.16] - Tricia Eastman I like that. Yeah. Put a temple structure around it because it's like, yeah, you can work with new nuclear energy, but you have to wear gloves, you have to do all these different safety precautions. I would say that that's why these traditions go hand in hand with the medicine. So some people might say that the agenda of Iboga and even Abogaine might be a different agenda than the Buiti. And ultimately, whether we are Indigenous or not, the Earth belongs to everyone. It's capitalism and the patriarchy that created all these borders and all these separations between people. And in reality, we still have to acknowledge what the essence of Buiti is, which is really the cause and effect relationship that we have with everything that we do. And so some people might use the term karma. And that is if you're in Abogaine clinic and you're putting a bunch of videos out online, and that's spurring a trend on TikTok, which we already know is a big thing where people are selling illegal market, iBoga, is Is any of that your responsibility? Yes. And if I was to sit down with a kogi kagaba, which are the mamus from Colombia, or if I were to sit down with a who said, Hey, let's do a divination, and let's ask some deep questions about this. [00:53:54.01] - Tricia Eastman It would look at things on a bigger perspective than just like, Oh, this person is completely responsible for this. But when we're talking about a medicine that is so intense, and when I was younger, when I first met the medicine, I first was introduced in 2013 was when I first found out about Abigain and Iboga. And in 2014, I lived with someone who lived with a 14th generation Misoko, maybe it was 10th generation Misoco in Costa Rica. And then he decided to just start serving people medicine. And he left this person paralyzed, one person that he treated for the rest of his life. And Aubrey Marcus, it was his business partner for On It, and he's publicly talked about this, about the story behind this. If you go into his older podcasts and blog posts and stuff, he talks about the situation. And the reality is that this medicine requires a massive amount of responsibility. It has crazy interactions, such as grapefruit juice, for example, and all kinds of other things. And so it's not just the responsibility towards the buiti, it's also the responsibility of, does me talking about this without really talking about the safety and the risks, encourage other people. [00:55:49.10] - Tricia Eastman One of the big problems, back in the day, I went to my first guita conference, Global Abogaine Therapy Alliance in 2016. And And then, ISEARs was debating because there was all these people buying Abogaine online and self-detoxing and literally either dying or ending up in the hospital. And they're like, should we release protocols and just give people instructions on how to do this themselves? And I was like, no, absolutely not. We need to really look at the fact that this is an initiatory tradition, that it's been practiced for thousands of that the minimum level at which a person is administering in Gabon is 10 years of training. The way that we've made up for those mistakes, or sorry, not mistakes, lack of training is that we've used medical oversight. Most of the medical oversight that we've received has been a result of mistakes that were made in the space. The first patient that MAPS treated, they killed them because they gave them way over the amount of what milligrams per kilogram of Abigain that you should give somebody. Every single mistake that was made, which a lot of them related to loss of life, became the global Abogane Therapy Safety Guidelines. [00:57:28.19] - Tricia Eastman And so we've already learned from our mistakes here. And so I think it's really important that we understand that there's that aspect, which is really the blood on our hands of if we're not responsible, if we're encouraging people to do this, and we're talking about it in a casual way on Instagram. Like, yeah, microdosing. Well, did you know there was a guy prosecuted this last year, personal trainer, who killed someone And from microdosing in Colorado, the event happened in 2020, but he just got sentenced early 2025. These are examples that we need to look at as a collective that we need. So that's one side of it. And then the other side of it is the reciprocity piece. And the reciprocity piece related to that is, again, the cause and effect. Is A Abogaine clinic talking about doing Abogaine and doing video testimonials, spurring the efforts that are actively being made in Gabon to protect the cultural lineage and to protect the medicine. The reality is every Abogaine clinic is booked out for... I heard the next year, I don't know if that's fact or fiction, but someone told me for a year, because because of all the stuff with all the celebrities that are now talking about it. [00:59:05.20] - Tricia Eastman And then on top of that, you have all these policy, all these different advocacy groups that are talking about it. Essentially, it's not going to be seven... It's going to be, I would say, seven to 10 years before something gets through the FDA. We haven't even done a phase one safety trial for any of the Abigain that's being commercialized. And even if there's some magic that happens within the Trump administration in the next two years that changes the rules to fast track it, it's not going to cut it down probably more than a year. So then you're looking at maybe six years minimum. That whole time, all that strain is being put on Gabon. And so if you're not supporting Gabon, what's happening is it's losing a battle because the movement is gaining momentum, and Gabon cannot keep up with that momentum. It's a tiny country the size of Colorado. So my belief is that anyone who's benefiting from all the hype around Iboga and Abogayne or personally benefited with healing within themselves should be giving back, either to Ancestral Heart, to Blessings of the Forest, to any group that is doing authentic Indigenous-led biocultural stewardship work. [01:00:45.21] - Joe Moore Thanks for that. It's important that we get into some detail here. I wish we had more time to go further on it. [01:00:54.17] - Tricia Eastman I'll do a quick joke. I know. I have a lot. [01:00:57.17] - Joe Moore Yes. Now do Mike Tyson. Kidding. Yeah. So what did we maybe miss that you want to make sure people hear about your book, any biocultural stuff that you want to get out there? You can go for a few more minutes, too, if you have a few things you want to say. [01:01:20.03] - Tricia Eastman I mean, really, thank you so much for this opportunity. Thank you for caring and being so passionate about the context related to Buiti, which I think is so important. I would just say that I've been working with this medicine for... I've known about it for 13 years, and I've been working with it for 11 years, and this is my life. I've devoted my life to this work, me and my husband, both. And there isn't anything greater of a blessing that it has brought in our life, but it also is it's a very saturnian energy, so it brings chaos. It brings the deepest challenges and forces you to face things that you need to face. But also on the other side of the coin, everything that I've devoted and given back in service to this work has exponentially brought blessing in my life. So again, I see the issue with people doing these shortened processes, whether it's in an Abigain clinic where you just don't have the ritualistic sacred aspects of an initiatic context and really the rituals that really help integrate and ground the medicine. But you still have this opportunity to continue to receive the blessings. [01:03:09.23] - Tricia Eastman And I really feel in our current psychedelic movement, we essentially have a Bugatti. These medicines are the most finely-tuned sports car that can do every... Even more than that, more like a spaceship. We have this incredible tool, but we're driving it in first gear. We don't even really know how to operate it. It's like, well, I guess you could say flight of the Navigator, but that was a self-driving thing, and I guess, psychedelics are self-driving. But I feel that we are discounting ourselves so greatly by not looking into our past of how these medicines were used. I really think the biggest piece around that is consulting the genuine lineage carriers like Buiti elders, like Mubu Bwal, who's the head of Maganga Manan Zembe, And giving them a seat at the head of the table, really, because there's so much I know in my tradition, about what we do to bring cardiac safety. And why is it that people aren't dying as much in Gabon as they're dying in Abigan clinics. [01:04:37.28] - Joe Moore Shots fired. All right. I like it. Thank you. Thank you for everything you've done here today, I think harm reduction is incredibly important. Let's stop people dying out there. Let's do some harm reduction language. I actually was able to sweet talk my way into getting a really cool EKG recently, which I thought really great about. If you can speak clinician, you can go a long way sometimes. [01:05:11.20] - Tricia Eastman Yeah. Oh, no, go ahead. Sorry. [01:05:15.17] - Joe Moore No, that's all. That's all. So harm reduction is important. How do we keep people safe? How do we keep healing people? And thank you for all your hard work. [01:05:27.22] - Tricia Eastman Thank you. I really appreciate it. We're all figuring it out. No one's perfect. So I'm not trying to fire any shots at anybody. I'm just like, Guys, please listen. We need to get in right relationship with the medicine. And we need to include these stakeholders. And on the other side of the coin, I just want to add that there's a lot of irresponsible, claimed traditional practitioners that are running retreat centers in Mexico and Costa Rica and other places that are also causing a lot of harm, too. So the medical monitoring is definitely, if you're going to do anything, Because these people don't have the training, the worst thing you could do is not have someone going in blind that doesn't have training and not have had an EKG and all that stuff. But we've got a long way to go, and I'm excited to help support in a productive way, all coming together. And that's what me and Joseph have been devoted to. [01:06:45.02] - Joe Moore Brilliant. Tricia Eastman, thank you so much. Everybody should go check out your book Seeding Consciousness out now. The audiobook's lovely, too. Thank you so much for being here. And until next time. [01:07:00.14] - Tricia Eastman Thank you.    

Honestly, our thoughts and feelings can be wrong, mistaken and misled. Let us be warned about what we think and how we feel when it comes to what God has said.

Honestly, I Think We Just Need Jesus!Acts 2:40 “And he testified with many other words and exhorted them, saying, 'Save yourselves from this crooked generation.”I chose this episode to replay for you today for two reasons. The first is because if you are listening to this on the day I released it, then we celebrate Jesus' coming into the world in just four days, and we need Jesus more than ever! The second is because there was a loss in our family last Thursday, and so many people are hurting, and they just need Jesus right now to help them through it.  There is a song that I have heard on the radio more and more recently, and these last few days, it has been running repeatedly in my mind. I can't seem to get it out of my head. I am not sure I want to get it out of my head, as the words that are running through my head are. Honestly, I think we need Jesus by Terrian. Since I can't seem to shake this song, and then I read the verse above this morning, I think the Lord wants me to share it with you. I will place a link for the song in the show notes, as she does a much better job singing it than I do. I also love that she is young and yet can still see that we need more Jesus. I will go over the lyrics of the song with you today.The song starts with:I got a front-row seat to the madnessI pick up my phone every mornin' out of habitI've been fiendin' for the drama, yeah, I said itI'm addicted to the rush, need a medicHow many of us pick up our phones or turn on the news first thing when we wake up? How many of us want to know what is going on in the world before we even stop and spend our time with God? I use my phone for an alarm, so I would turn off my alarm, and then I would check my messages, emails, and Facebook before I would sit down with the Lord and spend time with Him. I have gotten better; now, I just check my messages, mostly to make sure my kids got home safely. Sometimes I still check my emails, but I am getting better and usually save that for later.I love how the songwriter points out that we usually pick up our phones out of habit. This isn't just the first thing in the morning. We do this all throughout the day. I bet we all spend more time than we would like on our phones. I also like how they bring our attention to the fact that we are “Fiendin' for the drama” and “addicted to the rush.” It seems we are drawn to the conflict and the drama more than the good things that are happening. I don't know if that is because we crave drama or because that is all the news tends to show us. Either way, there is good and bad going on in the world, and it is up to us to choose which we seek out and focus on.The song goes on to say:When I take a step back, I can see itAll the pain, all the fear we've been feelin'Losin' sight of the thing that we're needin'That we're needin' This is a great reminder that sometimes we need to take a step back. When we do, we see that we are focusing on all of our pain and fear that we are feeling instead of focusing on the one who can take all that pain and fear away. When we watch the news or listen to all that is going on in the world, we tend to get overwhelmed. We can also start to feel a sense of hopelessness. We can feel a sense that the world is going crazy, and there is nothing we can do about it. However, we are never hopeless because we are children of God, and we can always turn to Him, and He can save us. There is nothing too hard for God to handle.Next, the song says:Honestly, I think we just need JesusHonestly, I think we just need JesusHave we all gone mad? Have we lost our minds?What used to be wrong, we say that it's rightHonestly, I think we just need Jesus This is the part that gets stuck in my head. I can't think of a truer statement. I can see how our country is falling apart because we keep removing God from more and more things. This country was founded with God. He was a part of the government; yes, Church and State were separate, and yet God and State weren't. God was invited into the Constitution; he was invited into the pledge of allegiance. He was invited into our courtrooms. God was welcome everywhere. Now, it seems He is welcome nowhere.I also love how the song says, “Have we all gone mad? Have we lost our minds? What used to be wrong, we say that it's right.” We have all thought this for a long time now, and it is nice to hear it in a song, so we know we aren't the only ones who think it. This world does seem to have gone mad, and it does seem like we are all losing our minds. Some of the things that seem to be ok in the world today still shock me.  I think this song points out very real and honest questions. Have we all gone mad? Have we all lost our minds? Take a good, long look in the mirrorSearch my heart and soul, make it clearerHelp me take your love, trade the bitterLeave it in the dust, help me leave it in the dust, Lord I think it would be a great idea if we all stopped and took a good look in the mirror. What are we doing? Not what is the world doing, but what are we doing? Are we staying true to God in this crazy world? Are we staying above all the drama and walking in the light of Christ? Are we showing love and hope to everyone we meet? We are all called to be “little Christs” to all we meet. Are we doing so? Are we loving everyone, even those who aren't like us? Even those who aren't living their lives the way we think they should? Even those whom we don't like. God said to love our enemies. Are we doing that?The next line says, “Search my heart and soul, make it clearer.” Do we want God to search our hearts and souls? What would He find? I do like how it says to make it clearer. With all that is going on in this world, and all this world says is ok, the water we wade into can get muddy. I don't think the world makes it easy or clear how we should live our lives. We need to focus on God and ask God to help make it clear to us what He wants from us and how He wants us to live.It also says, “Help me take your love, trade the bitter. Leave it in the dust, help me leave it in the dust, Lord.” It can be easy to become bitter. We live in a broken world, and people offend us all the time. Things aren't fair, and sometimes good things happen to bad people, and bad things happen to good people. This can make us bitter. We need God to come in and replace our bitterness with His love. We need His help to walk away from the bitter and leave it in the dust.  We've been preachin', we've been drinkin' in the vanity (in the vanity)Now it's got us questionin' our sanity (sanity)And we wonder how we get all this anxietyIt's clear to me Yep, I think we have all probably questioned our sanity at some point over the last few years. I definitely think there is a lot of vanity in this day and age as well. With everyone having phones and taking photos every moment of every day, we have become obsessed with how we look and what we have. We want to make sure our life looks as good online as everyone else's life does. This leads us to do and say things that aren't always true. We act online like our lives are perfect, and yet so many of our children and adults are hurting inside, but don't reach out and get help because everyone else seems like they are doing so well. This definitely makes us question our sanity because our lives are falling apart, and everyone else seems to have it all together. I love the line that says, “And we wonder how we get all this anxiety.” Exactly!! All of the things I just talked about, along with the news, the decline of our country, and the division in our country, we wonder why everyone is so anxious.After the song repeats the chorus about us just needing Jesus, it goes on to say:We turn away (we turn away)We're running back to you (oh-oh)Covered in grace (covered in grace)God, You can make us new (make us new) Yes! We are like a revolving door. We turn away from the Lord and then turn back to Him, then we turn away, and then we turn back. I love how the author of this song understands that even when we do this, we are covered in grace. God will always accept us back in. He is not angry with us that we have turned away. He is happy that we have turned back. God is always there with open arms, waiting for us to turn back to Him. God is the only one who can make us new. We may think we have done too much, we have really messed up this time, and there is no hope for us. There is always hope in the Lord. He can make us new, He can make our country new, He can make our world new. We just have to invite Him in and ask Him.The song ends by repeating the chorus. I will leave you with those words.Honestly, we need, we need You, Jesus (we need You, oh)Have we all gone mad? Have we lost our minds?What used to be wrong, we say that it's rightHonestly, we need, we need You, JesusOh, Jesus, Jesus, JesusWe need You, Jesus, JesusOh, JesusJesus, Jesus (we're running back)(We're running back to You) JesusWe're runnin' back to You, oh (Jesus)Yeah, Jesus, JesusMake us new Dear Heavenly Father, I ask you to bless all those listening to this episode today. Lord, we love you, and we are sorry we turned away; please help us to turn back. We are sorry our country is falling apart. Please show us how we can help to bring you back into our country. Please put in our hearts what you are calling us to do. Please help us to stop searching for the drama and start searching for you. Help us to be your love and light to others instead of spreading the drama and the worry. We love you, Lord, and we ask all of this in accordance with your will and in Jesus's holy name, Amen!Thank you so much for joining me on this journey to walk boldly with Jesus. I would like to ask a favor. I have been talking about my mentoring program for a while now. It is on Tuesday nights at 8 PM EST on Zoom, and I record it, so if you aren't able to make it live, you can watch the recording. Maybe mentoring is not for you, and yet you may know someone who might benefit from it. My favor is that you pass the information along to them. I have put a link in the show notes. You could just copy it and then paste it into a text message or email. Also, you could just direct them to the walkboldlywithjesus.com website, and the link is right on that first page. If you would like to join mentoring, but just don't have the $30 per month, please reach out to me. I don't want a lack of money to hinder the ability to grow closer to the Lord. I look forward to meeting you here again tomorrow. Remember, Jesus loves you just as you are, and so do I! Have a blessed day.Today's Word from the Lord was received in July 2025 by a member of my Catholic Charismatic Prayer Group. If you have any questions about the prayer group, these words, or how to join us for a meeting, please email CatholicCharismaticPrayerGroup@gmail.com. Today's Word from the Lord is, “My spirit burns deeply within each of you, my children. It burns away the things that you no longer desire to have because you know me and you know my love. And it fires up the gifts and the graces that I give you so that you become a lamp, a light to those around you.” www.findingtruenorthcoaching.comCLICK HERE TO DONATECLICK HERE to sign up for Mentoring CLICK HERE to sign up for Daily "Word from the Lord" emailsCLICK HERE to sign up for my newsletter & receive a free audio training about inviting Jesus into your daily lifeCLICK HERE to buy my book Total Trust in God's Safe Embrace

It's not too late to join me for my legendary 2026 New Year's Goal Setting Party! Create the life of your dreams one year at a time.In this episode we dive into the powerful connection between cleaning, mental health and self-care and how looking after your home can genuinely transform your mindset. I'm joined by the amazing Laura Mountford (aka Lauracleanaholic), who shares how she reframes everyday housework into a form of mindfulness, movement, and emotional reset. We talk about why cleaning can sometimes feel easier and more accessible than traditional self-care, especially for mums, and how small, simple actions like decluttering a drawer or refreshing a room can instantly shift your energy. If you've ever felt overwhelmed, stuck in a spiral, or unable to find time for yourself, this episode will help you see your home and your daily habits in a totally new light.We explore practical ways to use cleaning as free therapy, from creating low-friction home hacks to building routines that support your mental wellbeing. Laura and I unpack how clearing physical space can clear mental space, why caring for your environment is a direct act of caring for yourself, and how to make cleaning feel joyful instead of draining. Whether you're craving motivation, looking to manifest a calmer life, or wanting to feel more grounded in your space, this conversation is packed with inspiration and simple shifts you can try today. Tune in to learn how “house care is self-care” can become one of the most powerful tools in your wellbeing routine.Come and find me @francescaamber & @lawofattractionchangedmylife on Instagram - I would LOVE to hear from you.Join the Book Club B*tches We are the UK's largest self development book club. Honestly this book club and the bad b*tches within it are my self development secret. They are the BIGGEST secret to my success and I'm in love with life long learning! Come and join us, it's not a cult, it's probably not a coven but it IS the best.You can find all my work including overnight subliminals for weight loss, wealth, fertility, beauty and confidence, success etc..as well as online masterclasses on my website, francescaamber.comBy the way, do we love my Amazon Storefront - it even has all my favourite self development books on there!(Amazon associate)You can buy my Sunday Times Bestselling book Manifest Like a Mother here.Thank you so much for listening and I'll see you again next week,Fran xxx Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Raul and Caroline warmly welcome guests to Rancho La Bellota, their 2,800-acre guest ranch located in Tecate, Baja, California. Nestled in a valley of mature oak trees, thirty minutes on a dirt road from the Ruta de Vino, Rancho La Bellota is located very close to the border but feels so very far away. Since my first visit in 2022, Rancho La Bellota has become my second home—and my first stop in Baja. Every Slow Baja Adventure begins here. Honestly, I usually linger a day or two after each trip, recharging and resetting before heading home.There's no cell service at the ranch, and the wifi—available discreetly at the Starlink cabin—is easy to forget. Guests quickly fall into the rhythms of ranch life: coffee is ready at 6:30 AM, and after enjoying a cup on the porch, everyone gathers in the sun-washed dining room for a hearty breakfast.After breakfast, it's time to ride. The ranch's horses, all retired from working cattle, are thoughtfully matched to each rider's ability and experience—Raul deftly distributes them with the practiced hand of a Vegas dealer. At lunch, longtime guests playfully debate who drew the best mount and scheme to claim that horse on their next visit.After lunch, a siesta beckons, followed by perhaps another ride or a friendly round of horseshoes. As dusk settles, the candlelit dining room fills with laughter and lively conversation. Raul presides over the table, sparking gentle debates about the news of the day. Later, we retreat to the bar, and Raul pours and imparts his tequila knowledge. The evening winds down by the campfire—bedtime comes early at 9 PM, affectionately called “Baja Midnight.”Raul is a passionate overlander, piloting a custom pop-top 1969 Chevrolet Suburban he designed himself. He frequently welcomes fellow overlanders journeying along the Baja Peninsula, though he gently reminds guests that Rancho La Bellota isn't a free campground. As a proud Baja California native, Raul enthusiastically shares his wisdom and stories, helping travelers get the most out of their Pan-American Highway adventure.Rancho La Bellota is Slow Baja Approved!Book your stay at Rancho La Bellota here.Follow Rancho La Bellota on Facebook.Listen to the 2022 Slow Baja Podcast here.Support the Slow Baja Podcast here.Buy Baja Bound Insurance here.

Welcome back to another episode of the unSeminary podcast. Today we're joined by Scott Landry, Senior Pastor of The Bridge in Ontario. Scott first joined the church in 2013 as a worship and student pastor before later stepping into the senior pastor role. Is your leadership marked by hidden wounds? Do you struggle with vulnerability in your ministry? Are you fighting the wrong battles—externally and internally? Scott recently released his first book, The Fight, a raw, deeply reflective look at the internal battles that shape our lives. Tune in as Scott's story of redemption after hitting rock bottom offers an honest, hopeful picture of what it looks like to stop hiding, confront the truth, and let God rebuild what was lost. Honesty after years of hiding. // After ten years as a “professional Christian”, hiding behind his seminary degree, thriving ministry, external success, Scott’s internal life was crumbling. His marriage ended, his relationship with his daughter was severed, his ministry collapsed, and he hit emotional and spiritual rock bottom. That collapse became the catalyst for transformation—choosing vulnerability and refusing to fake spiritual health. Sharing scars, not open wounds. // Leadership requires discernment about transparency. Scott embraces the principle: share your scars, not your wounds. There is a kind of vulnerability that belongs with counselors, trusted friends, and Jesus alone—and another kind that can help others heal. For Scott, his book, The Fight, became a way to share healed places that might help protect others from making the same mistakes he had. Vulnerability isn't weakness; rather, it's a gift. The act of going first as a leader gives others the courage to do the same. Fighting the right battles. // One of the dangers we face is fighting the wrong battles. Scott uses the story of David and Eliab to illustrate how church leaders often get pulled into conflict—criticism, social media arguments, internal comparison—and miss the “Goliath” right in front of them. We often fight against the people we are supposed to fight for, especially in ministry. Learning to focus on the right fights is essential for healing. The breaking point—and the voice of God. // One of the most powerful moments in his journey is when Scott found himself alone, isolated, and furious at God. In an explosive moment of honesty, he shouted, “I don't even believe in You anymore!” And then he sensed God say: “Then who are you yelling at?” That moment shattered his illusions. His anger, he realized, was evidence of God's presence. God had been waiting for Scott at the place of his deepest anger—the place he had avoided his entire life. Pain as preparation. // Drawing from Joshua's story and the painful preparation before Israel entered the Promised Land, Scott argues that discomfort often precedes destiny. The battles we face now equip us for battles ahead. Instead of asking God to end the fight, ask God to form you through it. Scott’s leadership has since been shaped around embracing discomfort—having hard conversations early, sitting with difficult emotions, and obeying God before understanding. Obedience in writing the book. // Writing The Fight began as an act of pure obedience. Scott resisted God's nudge for a year, until finally acknowledging that he couldn't ask God to bless one area of his life while disobeying Him in another. Once he opened a blank document, the first draft poured out in just three days. The writing became a healing process—one he initially believed was meant only for his children. The surprise has been how deeply his congregation has embraced his honesty and resonated with his story. Visit www.bridgechurches.ca to learn more about The Bridge, and pick up Scott’s book ,The Fight, on Amazon. To connect with Scott, find him on Instagram at @scottmlandry. Thank You for Tuning In! There are a lot of podcasts you could be tuning into today, but you chose unSeminary, and I'm grateful for that. If you enjoyed today's show, please share it by using the social media buttons you see at the left hand side of this page. Also, kindly consider taking the 60-seconds it takes to leave an honest review and rating for the podcast on iTunes, they're extremely helpful when it comes to the ranking of the show and you can bet that I read every single one of them personally! Thank You to This Episode’s Sponsor: SermonDone Hey friends, Sunday is coming… is your Sermon Done?Pastor, you don't need more pressure—you need support. That's why you need to check out SermonDone—the premium AI assistant built exclusivelyfor pastors. SermonDone helps you handle the heavy lifting: deep sermon research, series planning, and even a theologically aligned first draft—in your voice—because it actually trains on up to 15 of your past sermons. But it doesn't stop there. With just a click, you can instantly turn your message into small group guides, discussion questions, and even kids curriculum. It's like adding a research assistant, a writing partner, and a discipleship team—all in one. Try it free for 5 days. Head over to www.SermonDone.com and use promo code Rich20 for 20% off today! Episode Transcript Rich Birch — Hey friends, welcome to the unSeminary podcast. So glad that you have decided to tune in. You are going to be rewarded today. We’ve got a great conversation lined up. I have my friend Scott Landry with us. He is the lead pastor at a fantastic church called The Bridge in or just outside of Ottawa, Ontario. Rich Birch — He joined the team in 2013 as the pastor of worship and student ministry and now serves as the senior pastor. Just being totally honest, friends, Scott and I are friends in real life. So it’s, these are actually, I find some of the funnier conversations because it’s like this weird conceit of like, we’ve got microphones between us and all of that. So, but Scott, welcome. So glad you’re here today.Scott Landry — Honored to be here with you, and better yet to be your friend.Rich Birch — This is going to be good. This is I’m really look looking forward to today’s conversation. So, um ah dear listener, I’m just going to pull back the the curtain. I really want you to listen in. Scott is an incredible leader and is doing, there’s lots of different things we could talk about, the way you’re using his his leadership and the church is growing and making an impact. And he’s got a bunch of platinum problems that he’s trying to figure out. And you know, where to get space and all that. But, but actually is none of that I want to talk about today. Actually, earlier this year, Scott released and a book. He wrote a book called “The Fight”. And what we’re going to talk about today is a little bit of the content, what it’s about and what led him to that process. And and then about ah the impact on ah his church. And I really want you to listen to in friends, think there’s a lot we can we can take out of this. Rich Birch — Why don’t you, how do you describe the book? When you, someone says like, oh, you wrote a book? What’s that on? I’d love to hear that. I’ve read the book, friends, so you just so you know.Scott Landry — Yeah, um it’s honestly somewhat of an autobiography, but it’s also a personal therapy session that’s on paper. It’s a little bit of biblical perspective in light of those things. And then I think hopefully pointing people who might read it to some level of personal insight or maybe personal application to both, both my story and also more importantly, the scriptural kind of you know, underlying and all of it.Scott Landry — So yeah, it’s not a self-help book, but I think it’s a self-reflective book. Rich Birch — That’s good. Scott Landry — And kind of hoping that people, yeah, hoping that people might see their story in the midst of mine. And and what what are the things that connect or are kind of similar threads through everybody’s story. And, uh, and, and it was, it it was, it was the cheapest version of therapy I could come up with, really. It was a lot of just kind of looking at my life and trying to make sense of it and and trying to find, find words for feelings I didn’t even know I felt. And, uh, yeah. And so just kind of putting it all out there for myself and also, for my kids and then, you know, the, the, you and the three other people that might read it. So it’s great.Rich Birch — Ah, and that’s not true. A lot more people than that have read it. At the core of this book, and we’ll get into this, friends, but at the core of this book, I would say it’s a high level of transparency. Like you are, you know, you let people in on, hey, here’s some stuff that I’ve been wrestling with, you know, over these years.Rich Birch — And I think most pastors think they should be transparent. That always hasn’t been the case. I’ve been in ministry long enough that there was a time where I think people actually wanted religious leaders who seemed perfect and were like… Scott Landry — Yeah. Rich Birch — …they’re these like, they’ve got their whole life together. That’s not the case anymore. People are looking for, and I think leaders want to be transparent. We want we want to kind of be honest with people. But the stakes sometimes feel higher for some reason. So what kind of led you to the place where you’re like, hey, I want to be vulnerable in a way, ah in written form, with your people, with the community around you?Scott Landry — Yeah, that’s a great question. Honestly, I think it was the fact that I hadn’t been authentic and vulnerable for too long and then lost everything because of it. You know, obviously I write in the book about my journey. I was a pastor for 10 years. I had a a seminary degree and didn’t have an unSeminary one, but I had the degree on the wall and I had, you know, the…Rich Birch — The real one, the real one.Scott Landry — They’re the real one. Yeah. And, uh, but I had all of that. I had 10 years of, of experience standing on stages and preaching the gospel and sharing who Jesus was. And, but the truth is I never really bought what I’d been selling, like in a personal, intimate way. And I wouldn’t say I was good at selling it, but I, but certainly, you know, had been doing it long enough, and and and and in some ways had been successful doing that. like Like good things were happening, ministry was growing, you know people were excited. And so then there becomes this like, oh, well, the lie, it’s amazing the lies that we can tell ourselves and the things that we can convince ourselves of. Scott Landry — So as a professional Christian for 10 years, you know, talking about but all these things and then my own life being a complete mess. And so as a leader, I’m sure other leaders that are listening to this can relate like I’m a dreamer. I always have been, always will be. But I was living a nightmare. And and for I was I had actually become a villain in my own story.Scott Landry — And and and I lost everything. A marriage fell apart. A relationship with my daughter, it was was severed at a very young age. She was four. Ministry was over. Like it was it was all done in an instant. And so 10 years of of hiding and not being, not authentic just for the people, but to my own self. And so when God resurrected my life and resurrected ministry, which I never thought was gonna happen, I was like, that that can’t ever happen again.Scott Landry — And so I wanted to kind of be someone who would lead by going first and saying, you know, and, and so I’ve been vulnerable and transparent from the pulpit. But this was something else. And, and I still am not sure why God prompted me to do this, but, but I would say, I never, I never want to go back to hiding. Scott Landry — And I think, I think we hide for a lot of reasons. I think there’s pastors or leaders listening to this. We hide, ultimately, I think we can give all the excuses we want, but it’s like, who you going to tell? Who you and what are you going to tell them? And and the minute you do, it’s like, well, then I’m going to be disqualified. I’m going to lose my job. Like, so it’s like, we kind of do this thing where I think I shared with you before. It’s like, I’m going to, we we almost force ourselves into a corner and convince ourselves we’re going to fake it till we make it. And ultimately what ends up happening is we fake it till we’re found out. Scott Landry — And and that’s, I mean, we’ve we’ve heard so many stories of that. And I was just like, that happened to me and I would hate for it to happen to anyone else. And I certainly am not going to let it happen to me again.Rich Birch — Yeah, I, friends, you can see why I’ve had Scott on today. There’s a lot here to, I think that all of us need to wrestle with. In fact, one of the, when I didn’t, didn’t even told you this, this is one of the the things I was, when I was reading it, um I had a mentor, a guy I worked for earlier in my career who his life has spectacularly failed. He had to has one of these situations that’s just blown up, and ministry’s blown up and all that. Rich Birch — And ironically, I find there’s ah multiple things about his leadership that I carry with me. And one of the things that I remember him saying very early on was he was like, there’s this interesting dance we do as leaders where we let people in. We know we have to let people into our, into our story, but we only let them in far enough. Scott Landry — Yeah.Rich Birch — We only let them in some, to something. And you’re always going to draw that line somewhere. The question is, where do you draw that line? And, um you know, you’ve chosen to to be very open and say, hey, this is my experience. This is who I’ve been here. And you kind of cast it in the book, not kind of, it’s literally called “The Fight”. You cast it in the book as an internal fight, the stuff beneath the service that shapes ultimately who we become. How do you discern, where are you drawing that line? How much are we able to, how transparent can we really be?Scott Landry — Yeah. That’s a great question. I think for me, it’s a few things. I’m not sure who said it. Um, but I, I, I’ve heard it said multiple different ways, but like, you know, you share your scars, not your wounds. So I’ve kind of, I think there’s a lot of truth to that. So for me, it’s like, if I’m still bleeding, that’s for therapy. That’s for trusted friends. That’s for my wife. That’s for Jesus.Scott Landry — But if it’s a wound that has, that is healed, and somebody can see their story in it and it’s helpful for them as either they’re still bleeding or or it could prevent them from getting hurt, then to me it’s worth sharing. Scott Landry — I’ve kind of come to the conclusion in my life, vulnerability isn’t weakness. it it’ it’s It’s actually it’s actually a gift. It’s there there is something to vulnerability in sitting with someone. You and I have done this without microphones in front of us. And we’ve we’ve told things to each other with tears in our eyes. And there’s something powerful that happens. That is a gift that you give someone. And it’s a gift for for what you give them and what you share to them.Scott Landry — But it’s also the gift to them that’s like this could, I could actually do this myself. It’s freeing for me to be given this gift to know it might not be with you, but with someone I could do that too. And, and that gift, I don’t think we truly understand how freeing and the weight that could be lifted by going first in that way. So for me, I’ve just decided that’s that’s who I’m going to be moving forward. So that the book is “The Fight” and because life is a fight. And to me, vulnerability and authenticity are worth fighting for.Rich Birch — I’d love to dig into some of the some of the stuff that you actually talk about in the book, kind of dig a couple layers deeper. You write about the danger of fighting the wrong battles that we can find ourselves in conversations that we we shouldn’t be in. You know, pulling out this… talk us through that. How does that relate? How have you seen that in your life?Scott Landry — Yeah.Rich Birch — And then what is that? How do you lead differently out of that? Because, you know, how do we pick the right battles? Talk me through that.Scott Landry — Yeah, I think it’s a personal thing. It certainly applies to leadership as well on a personal level. I think many times we fight, we fight with the people we’re supposed to fight for.Scott Landry — I think we fight amongst family members and, and then, you know, times goes by and you’re like, was that even worth it? I think, so I think those things happen. It’s like, how many fights have you had with your spouse? And it’s like I’m supposed to be fighting with you, not against you. Like we’re supposed to be in this together. And I’ve seen that happen in leadership too. It’s amazing to me how church people can, can hurt each other and and fight with each other and over things like carpet and and song selections and song volume and and preaching styles.Scott Landry — And so for me in leadership, it’s fighting the wrong battles. I talk about it, the David and Eliab thing, and you know, on the, on the battlefield where Goliath is kind of waiting in the wings and it’s really the main event. And, so much could have been so different if David had wasted his time in that argument. And, and he would have been justified in doing it. I mean, his, his character was being questioned. I mean, that’s worth fighting against. And it’s like, David’s like, I don’t get time for this, right? And I think how many of us as leaders spend so much time in the comment section, we’re fighting critics and we’re missing out on the giants. Rich Birch — Yeah.Scott Landry — You know, you, you, like that that in our culture, I think, is a huge one for leaders. And it’s like…Rich Birch — Yeah, big deal.Scott Landry — …oh, we’re so…And and I’m I’m guilty of that. You know we’re the other one I struggle with, I’m sure no one listening to this could can relate to this, but I spend so I spend so much time spending energy on who’s left, and not who’s here or who could be coming. And it’s like, and and you know what? Many times the people who’ve left, they were never really here anyway. Now that’s not to say we haven’t done something wrong at times and hurt people, but it’s like, man, I’ve I’ve spent so much time trying to convince that one person. Cause I’m like, oh, Jesus would leave the 99 to go after the one. And I’m like, maybe not that one. No, I’m just kidding.Rich Birch — That’s good. I like that.Scott Landry — But you know what I mean? Like but…Rich Birch — Yes.Scott Landry — …but we do. And and it’s it’s tragic how how distracted we can become. And and we we miss out in the fights that matter most because of ones that weren’t worth fighting to begin with.Rich Birch — Well, and this this is why we’ve seen a lot of pastors make the decision, church leaders make the decision, like, I just need to step back from social media. Because it’s like, you know, it’s like it’s like it’s set up for us to pick fights with other church leaders. Scott Landry — Yeah.Rich Birch — Like, it’s like, you know, that people are out there and there’s and there seems like there are for whatever reason, there are ah brothers and sisters in the faith who, who think that it’s their job to agitate, like that they’re like the professional agitators out there. And it’s like, so then we’re fighting with some other pastor or whatever, but that’s not, that’s like a total distraction from our mission. Like this, who, that person’s going to Jesus is going to be fine. Like, what about, like you say, the people that aren’t here yet. Rich Birch — There’s a moment in the book where you describe kind of being hitting a rock bottom or hitting an emotional bottom and crying out to God. Would you mind opening up a little bit about that? What did that teach you?Scott Landry — Yeah.Rich Birch — You know, what God meets us when, when all our strength runs out.Scott Landry — Well, yeah, that the, I mean, that I hope that’s a powerful moment in the book because it was it genuinely the most powerful moment in my life. And this was this was kind of at the crescendo of my my breaking point. So after after, you know, my my marriage and my my my life specifically falling apart. And I kind of lived in a place of isolation. I was living in, in, in, in the North, Canadian North. And, I was, yeah, I was lost. I was, I was angry. Like I had so much anger. And it was, so yeah, I talk about in the book. And, and, uh, I was angry and ultimately I was angry at myself, but I was also angry at God.Scott Landry — And, um, because even after, again, making a mess of my own life. Like He didn’t make a mess of my life. Nobody made the mess of my life. I made the mess of my life. And, but then after that, I was trying to do everything right. And I was trying to, you know, do the right thing, do the right thing. And I was like, God, when are you going to start intervening on my behalf. And so, you know, being the the preacher that I am, I was like, I got all the Bible verses that tell me that you’re going to like now is you’re going to do the redemptive thing. You’re going to show up, you’re going to move, you’re going to fix, you’re going to redeem, you’re going to restore, you’re going to repair, you’re going to do all the R words. And, and nothing was happening. Like it was like… Rich Birch — Right. Scott Landry — …and, and it was almost as if I, heard and I literally heard nothing. And I’d like to say I didn’t feel anything, but I did. It was just this, this anger that was welling up inside of me, like a, like a pot boiling. And eventually it just, I just became unhinged. Like I was alone. And I was completely isolated. I was in this, you know, empty house and I just started crying out like, and yelling out. And I threw, I threw things. I used words I’ve, I’m ashamed to admit I used. Like, I mean, I was as unhinged as could possibly, I was like, I gotta, if I saw you face to face, I would give you the thing. Like I told him all this stuff.Scott Landry — And, and what I found in that moment was like, and again, I talk about it in the book, but like I yelled, God, I don’t even believe in you anymore. I’m done. Like, like I don’t I don’t believe. You’ve promised me that you would never leave me. You would never forsake me. And that’s exactly what you’ve done. I’ve told people that you would never leave them and forsake them. And yet you’ve done that to me. You are you are dead to me. I don’t believe in you anymore. And I even now, I still feel this when I’m just talking about it. But like, this is, and this is, I know some people are going to roll their eyes at this. But like, genuinely, when I heard myself say that, I felt this like, over me, over my house. It was like this eerie like pause. And I heard, as if I’ve ever heard the voice of God, I heard a voice say, well, then who are you yelling at? And it was like this, like… Rich Birch — Beautiful. Scott Landry — …and in that moment, it was like, my anger was, it wasn’t my degree. It wasn’t my Bible. It was, it was my anger was my evidence that God was present right then and right there. And because my anger was directed at him. And he knew that I was angry with him.Scott Landry — And he met me at the place of my anger. And he was waiting. And this is the part that I still, I can’t do this, what’s what’s in my head, into my heart justice. But it was God was saying, I’ve been waiting for you at this place your whole life.Rich Birch — Wow. Right.Scott Landry — You have been hiding from this anger from your childhood, from your young adulthood, and I’ve been waiting for you to meet me here at your anger. And I’ve I’ve wanted you to know that I would be here waiting for you. And if you met me on the top of the tallest mountain, and if you look me face to face, and if you were to give me the finger, you would find me there waiting because I am waiting at who you really are, not who you’re pretending to be.Scott Landry — And everyone around you, you’ve got them fooled and you’re used car salesman and you can spin the Bible verses and you can do all that other stuff. But I know who you really are. And I’m waiting for you to finally be honest with yourself about who you really are. And now that you finally are, now we can do something about that together.Scott Landry — And that was the moment that God truly revealed himself to me. And that’s when I, for the first time in my life, truly discovered who I was. And yeah, that that’s the moment that I hope anybody who ever meets me or talks to me or listens to me or reads in it, like that’s the part that I long for people to have before it costs them like it costs me.Rich Birch — I just want to say thank you for for going there and talking about that. Because to me, that…and friends, you should pick up a copy of the book. I’m not trying to sell the book, but you should pick up a copy and actually…it’s worth it for this interaction. Because I think as pastors, people who are in what we do, I think we can give, we can put a varnish on all of this. And it and and I love that picture of you yelling at God. And then and then he’s like, well who are you yelling at? Like, what’s, what’s you you know…Scott Landry — Yeah. You don’t believe it. You don’t believe in me, but you’re yelling at me. Yeah. Yeah. That’s it. Yeah.Rich Birch — Yes. Like, I think, I think that is such a, I don’t know, there’s so much there. And I think it’s beautiful that you would open up about that and tell, talk to us here. I feel a little bit bad because I feel like I’m getting you to mine out like one of the best parts of the book, but that, um, at its core, I think would be hard for a lot of leaders to even admit to say, because by this point, friends, again, remember the pre-story, you had been a professional Christian for a long time. Like that that you had built your life around taking money from people… Scott Landry — Yeah. Rich Birch — …and doing this and came to that moment of crisis. So talk to me about the road back from there. So there’s obviously, you know, between there and today, you know, something happened. So talk us through… Scott Landry — Yeah. Rich Birch — …kind of what were some of those key steps? We’re not going to be able to cover all of it, but some of those key things that, that God used on that journey.Scott Landry — Yeah. Well, the immediate one was that I needed to get away. I was living in Yellowknife, Northwest Territories at the time, and I needed to get to Ontario because that’s where my four-year-old daughter was. And that necessity was kind of the you know the spark of of God beginning a redemptive work in my life.Scott Landry — And and then again, had never thought that I would be back in you know ministry in terms of you know a job or a career. I I I and iI wasn’t I had no idea what I was gonna do. And so I just did what I had to do to survive.Scott Landry — And, and, and again, God just, it’s the, it’s, it’s all this cliches. It’s all the songs we sing. It’s, you know, he made beauty for ashes. He, he resurrected things I was certain was dead. And so, and, and there were, he was orchestrating things to, to, you know, provide another way for me to get back into what he called me to do, which, you know, again, I, I, it would take me a long time to, to get into it. Rich Birch — Yes. Scott Landry — But I, again, I think it was just, it was, I just took the steps I had to take because I, and, but they were the steps that he was preparing for me to take, you know? Rich Birch — Yeah, that’s good. Scott Landry — It’s and I, and I see that now, but it didn’t, it just felt like, like necessity then. But it was more than necessity. It was, it was intention. So, yeah.Rich Birch — Yeah, I don’t I don’t know if I’ve said this to you, but I think, in fact, I’m pretty sure I haven’t said this to you. One of the, you know, I mentioned, and and you know the person I’m talking about whose life fell apart. You know, one of my own reflections on that experience as a leader that was in that person’s orbit, pretty close to that orbit, in hindsight, um was we have to do a better, the collective we have to do a better job on helping people to talk about what’s going on on the inside in a way that doesn’t just immediately jump to, hey, like, you you know, you should not think that thought. Like, you know, we we need to be better at that. And I you think you’ve done a gift in this, you know, this with this book. Rich Birch — One of the things you also talked about is this whole idea that comfort can be the enemy of our calling. And I wish you didn’t write about this, but because, ah you know, it’s like convenience is and comfort are organizing principles of culture, right? That is like our entire culture is based around how do I make myself more comfortable? And and it’s true. I agree. Like I’m, you know, I’ve been on the Peloton and I’ve felt discomfortable. And then at the end of that, I’m like, I’m glad I did that in the middle of it. I was hating it. I get that. Talk us through that. What’s that journey been like in this kind of return home? How has that played a, you know, a part of that as a part of the journey?Scott Landry — Yeah, I think I think what I’ve learned is pain is always preparation. And and to me, I use the word always because I don’t see it never being that. I think there’s always something in in in a situation of discomfort or pain that is always preparing you for something that’s next for you or something that’s next for someone else that’s going to require you to be a part of it.Scott Landry — So the pain that I go through a lot of times is is you know preparing my my son or my daughter. Um, and so it’s always preparation for something. And that’s what I write about in the book, the story of Joshua, you know, it’s, it’s the most uncomfortable thought in the world that, you know, the, the, before their greatest battle, they, they’re circumcised, as, as men. And it’s like, oh, you know, that’s, that’s one conversation when the kid’s like a couple days old or eight days old as it was supposed to be. But when you’re, you know, 18, 20, that’s a whole different conversation.Scott Landry — And, Any guy that’s listening right now feels uncomfortable, but that’s, but that’s the point. God brought them to a place specifically to bring pain into their lives because of the destiny that he had for them.Scott Landry — And I think that’s just true in life, you know, it’s, and, and, and going through those things is crucial. It’s always, there’s always something next. And I think that’s the thing that I’ve, and again, I use the analogy of the fight and I tried to do that in the book because I, you know, I’m not a fighter in terms of like, I don’t do, you know, mixed martial arts or anything. I love that stuff and I love watching it. And I love boxing, which the the movie Rocky was part of the inspiration for the book or at least the theme of it.Scott Landry — And I think when you look like look at that stuff, what you always see is fighters fight a fight, so they can fight another fight. It’s like, I want to win this fight because I want to win this fight, but winning this fight sets me up for another fight that has greater reward for me.Scott Landry — And so I’m I’m inspired to win this fight because it’s going to put me or it’s going to allow me to fight on another level and another dimension. And I think, you know, in leadership, I think the challenges or the platinum problems, as you call them, you know, I think those are preparation. They’re not just to solve and the problem itself to be solved. It’s also preparation for a problem that’s coming because of getting through this one.Scott Landry — And I think when we start to see it that way and we can view the fight as like, I always pray that God will cause the fight to end. Like, God, just, just stop. Like, get me through this fight. Instead of praying, God, will you help me become the person in the midst of this fight that I need to be for the fight that’s coming down the road? It, that perspective, I think changes everything.Scott Landry — And if as leaders, we looked at our current challenges and struggles as like, hey, this is just preparation for something bigger. I think we’d i think we’d go into it a whole lot differently. And I think we would be willing to endure it just and with a different mindset. And so, yeah, that’s that’s what I’ve I’ve come to discover my own life through this thing.Rich Birch — Like our friend T.D. Jakes said, every level, a new devil. Like it’s like, right?Scott Landry — Yeah, yeah, totally.Rich Birch — This idea of like, hey, we’re going to get through this, but then that’s just going to open up something else that we got to get through. And I think that’s, I think it’s a great metaphor and is, I see too many people who are, and it could be, you know, people of my age or whatever.Rich Birch — I must, you know, you reach a certain age with enough zeros on the end. You hit a couple of those zero birthdays. And then you look around at your friends and you’re like, the people that, that don’t inspire me are the ones that are hitting the coast mode. Scott Landry — Yeah. Rich Birch — That are like, Hey, I’m going to try to, i’m going to try to make life more comfortable. It’s the people that are saying, no, let’s lean in. Let’s look, what can we do next? What is the thing that God’s got for us? I love that. Well…Scott Landry — Well, I tell people, oh, sorry, I was just going to say just…Rich Birch — Go ahead. No, go ahead.Scott Landry — …well, just to to kind of follow up on that. I think practically, what does that mean? Or what does that look like for us? Like, I you know, we talk to our staff all the time, right? I, you know, constantly tell them it’s like, to embrace that means in leadership, you’ve got to have uncomfortable conversations now because you’re going to have them anyway. Rich Birch — Right.Scott Landry — So comfort tells us, oh, like if I just let it go or if I just like, no, you’re you’re just prolonging the inevitable conversation. So have it now. Rich Birch — Yeah.Scott Landry — You know, or or you sit with emotions that you’re feeling. You got to sit with them a little longer before you act on them. That’s not comfortable. We want to just, you know, so it’s that balance. Like it’s, It’s, ah you know, even obeying before understanding, right?Scott Landry — Like, like you’ve got like all those lessons and those places of discomfort, I think are all preparation pieces for the greater thing. So…Rich Birch — Yeah, that’s so good.Scott Landry — Yeah.Rich Birch — Yeah. And even in the physical world, like I was thinking about this when I was on my Peloton prepping for this. And I know you have Peloton, that like there was a time when there would be numbers on the screen in front of me that those numbers felt like death. Like I’m like, this is not like, I can’t keep doing this. But then what happens over time is you, your body acclimatizes to that, right? You become healthier. You get your cardiovascular system, your VO2 max grows, and then you’re able to, ah you know, to carry more. And I think that is true in leadership. I think that’s true in our spiritual life. I think there is like a, you know, kind of bearing on the weight of it. And um yeah, I think that’s very true. Rich Birch — Okay. I’d love to pivot in a totally different direction. So, you know, again, friends, you should pick up a copy of the book because I think it’ll be great. It’s spiritually enriching experience for you. I think this book could be helpful in like, there’s lots of conversations where I’m like, I think, I think this could be one of those books you have on your shelf. And you said, Hey, you know what, why don’t you read this book? This might help you think through, you know, might be a real encouragement. So I will, we’ll get to where you can get that in a minute. Rich Birch —But I want to kind of talk more about kind of the meta experience of you as a pastor, writing a book, choosing to do that. When you first introduced me to this idea, I still remembered it. You were like, I do not want to write a book. I am writing a book. Like, and it was like this, I am compelled. It is by obedience that I am, who knows? I think literally the thing you said to me the first time, and it was through tears, was like, I’m not really even sure why like I’m doing this thing, who knows? So talk to me about that obedience. What did that first step look like? Kind of help me ah or understand the process. Talk about that a little bit.Scott Landry — Yeah, it’s funny. You did a great version of me there. That’s exactly how I said it. And that’s exactly how I felt. And I honestly, I still feel that way, even now that it’s out there in in the world. Yeah, it was totally an act of of obedience. Scott Landry — And so for context, two years ago, my family vacations in Florida. I, I have no shame. I mooch off my in-laws who have a condo there. My wife and I both lived there at one, at one point. So it’s kind of like going home. Scott Landry — But anyway, long story, I was running on the beach. And, and I just, I felt like the Lord just stopped me and he gave me two very clear directives for the next chapter of my life. One was about the church and the other was to write a book.Scott Landry — And the first one made complete sense to me. And the other one still makes absolutely no sense to me. I am not an, writer. I’m not an author. I’m not ah like, and who am I? Like all this kind of, you know, who am I syndrome started kicking in and and I was just like, whatever. So I came back two years ago and I got to work on the first one and ignored the second one.Scott Landry — And I ignored the second one, writing a book for an entire year. And then on my birthday in September, I just, I felt like I was, I was genuinely like, how can I ask God to bless this first thing that he’s asked me to do if I’m being disobedient in this other thing that he’s asked me to do? And I, I don’t understand it. So to me, I’m, that justifies why I’m not doing it. And I was like, I’ve got to be obedient to this, whether I understand it or not. So that’s what I did. And so for me, obedience was opening a blank document. And just starting. And that’s what I did.Scott Landry — And it was, and I don’t know if you’ve had this experience, Rich, but it was amazing to me. I’ve had writer’s block for sermons. This poured out of me… Rich Birch — Wow. Scott Landry — …in a way I was not expecting. Like it it was the draft that you read of the book or the first draft of the book was done in a little over three days.Rich Birch — Yeah.Scott Landry — It just…Rich Birch — Well, that surprised me even, you know, cause I remember you were, and that hasn’t been my experience with writing. It’s been like, I have found it like arduous. But I remember you’re like, Oh, I’m going away. I’m going to this thing. And then it was like, Oh yeah, I got it done. And I was like, wow. Like that’s, that’s incredible. That’s amazing. And then obviously then there’s all the editing and you got to actually get it.Scott Landry — Well, yeah, I, yeah, everything after that was way longer than I or wanted it to be um um for sure.Rich Birch — Yes. Yes.Scott Landry — And way more than I expected it to be. But I think, I think I needed to me, to me, it was a piece of, it was a document that was basically like a therapy session that didn’t cost me anything other than time…Rich Birch — Right. Right.Scott Landry — …that I needed to get a lot of stuff off my chest and and off my heart. And it just, I needed to open that document to do it. And I think maybe that is, and it didn’t occur to me until just now, that that may be the very reason that God wanted me to do it… Rich Birch — Right. Scott Landry — …was to free me of that so I could be released to do whatever has nothing about to do about the book. It just was his way of getting me to get through it.Rich Birch — Yeah. Well, and I remember at one point, um hopefully I’m not outing something. We can cut this if you don’t want me to say this, but I remember at one point you were saying like, even if I just have it for my daughter, that would be a gift, right?Rich Birch — Like it’s like for her at some point to read this would be, um you know, a gift. Actually, I know a friend of mine who has literally done that has written full books and literally got like got them printed and given it just to them for their kids.Scott Landry — Yeah.Rich Birch — You know, tens of thousands of words. So yeah, that’s, that’s, ah that’s incredible. So, you know, the writing of books in general, is I find the line between writing and thinking is very blurry. Like it’s like, it’s like almost in my mind, like it’s kind of the same thing. Like it’s the same activity. There’s obviously writing involved, but it’s like, it’s, it costs, it’s a, or it, it drives a lot of reflection, honesty, you know, thinking about all that stuff. Was there anything as you went through this therapy process of writing that actually just surprised you about like, Oh wow. Like that was either my reflection on that was different or, um, you know, we’re, you know, like anything surprised you through the process process?Scott Landry — Yeah, there was a…good question. There was a couple things for sure. One of them was I had to go check. It’s amazing how your memory can be your greatest enemy. I remembered certain things a certain way and then going back and talking to my mother. Again, spoiler alert – I grew up in a single parent household. My mom is my hero, strongest woman ever.Scott Landry — Anyways, and I write about her and, and my life growing up and what she had to do to get us through. So, so going back and, and, and really at as an adult, getting the details of what actually happened and what my perception of what happened happened. It was it was It was much worse than I understood…Rich Birch — Oh, wow.Scott Landry — …and what she endured and went through. And I gained a level of admiration from my, I thought I admired her, but I gained a level of admiration that is a gift. And, and, and every child should have the gift to see their parents the way that I see my mom. She is, she is amazing. Scott Landry — So that, that’s one. The other one was, was I there was some things that I, I learned along the way. I think the first one was that I found was about the, the resentment that I had towards my father. And I, and, and I, as I was writing it, God just kind of revealed this to me that, that adapting, adapting to loss is different than than winning a fight. And I had adapted to the pain of what I had lost. And I thought that was the same thing as winning that fight against resentment. And they’re not the same thing. Scott Landry — And that was that that was a real breakthrough moment for me. I was in a cabin near a ski hill as I was writing that. And it was like i was almost like I was watching a movie, watching myself have a moment. Rich Birch — Wow. Scott Landry — And it was just this this really beautiful moment between God and I. And I was just like, wow, God, thank you for for showing that to me. And then, give me the words to articulate this to my kids. Cause you’re right. I, I did first and foremost, write this for my kids, Emma and Parker. And I wanted them to know, you know, who they come from, what they come from. And, and, and hopefully if I never get the chance to tell them, they’ve got this to fall back on. And then my wife being my wife was like, well, if you’re going to do it for them, you might as well go all the way. So, so that’s, that’s, that’s what we did.Rich Birch — Wow. Okay. So what did this process teach you as you’ve now, cause you’ve launched this book, it’s out in the world. You’ve, you can get it on Amazon. You, you know, it’s, you’ve done a series at the church. You’ve talked about it. You know, if you’ve been public about it. Rich Birch — What did the launching of that teach you about your congregation, about your church? What resonated? What, how, how was it helpful? Any conversations that sparked kind of what was the impact that you’ve, now that you’ve landed this in, in your church?Scott Landry — Yeah. Oh, I just got emotional there thinking about your question as you’re asking it. I think… what I talk about in the book, Rich, is that I’m a very insecure person. And and as a leader, I’m an insecure leader. And always, you know, that that dance between, you know, being authentic about who you are at the same time, the insecurity about that. And it’s, Lisa, my wife tells me all the time, if people knew how insecure you are, they they wouldn’t believe it, because you don’t present that way.Scott Landry — But I was very insecure about doing this thing and the people that I serve, and and and journey together with seeing me in a way that they might change their mind about me. But the people at The Bridge, they love me, and they are so gracious to me. And I what I’ve discovered is that me being honest about who I am is is who they’ve wanted me to be the whole time.Scott Landry — And so everybody that’s read the book, I shouldn’t say everybody, but I’ve gotten a lot of feedback from the people at The Bridge just thanking me for telling my story and then them saying so much of that I relate to, so much of that I needed right now telling me things about themselves that I had no idea was happening in their lives. And this has only been out for like a month. Scott Landry — And so I’ve just gotten overwhelmed with, with people’s responses. And, and I think for our church, you know, one of our values is authentic storytelling And so, um, it just so happens that as a leader, you get to go first Rich Birch — Right. Scott Landry — And, and, and and in order for that value to be more than something that’s just plastered on a wall or a website, like I had, I didn’t know it was going to be in in the form of a book. But I do see that, that people are opening up in ways that, you know, just in the, in the in the last month to me and in others. So, yeah, but that that’s the thing that that i’ve I’ve seen in our church is just um that that I’ve been insecure about how I’m seen as a leader and and they’ve shown me that that they love me. And that’s the greatest gift, I’m telling you.Rich Birch — Yeah, it’s so cool, man. I love that. That’s, and thanks for being vulnerable in your sharing there. Like I think I, you know, I think there is anyone that’s written has had a book definitely has those feelings on the inside of like, oh man, this was a bad idea like why am I doing this. And like I’m you know, the stuff I’ve written about is nowhere near as, you know, personal and tender as what you’ve written. And I can identify exactly with what you’re saying there around the like, what will people think of me? You know, and it’s amazing. Rich Birch — So trying to extract a bit of, you know, there might be people that are listening and I hope there’s people that are listening in who would think like, maybe I should write a book. Or maybe, maybe they had a similar experience where God told them to write a book and they’ve been dragging their feet. Scott Landry — Yeah, yeah. Rich Birch — What would be a couple kind of just practical takeaways, like maybe things you would say, I wish I would have known this before timelines, collaboration, editing, any of that kind of stuff.Scott Landry — Yeah. Well, the first thing I would do is thankfully what I did, was talk to people who have done it. So you were one of those people and I was hoping that you were going to convince me not to do it. Thanks thanks for letting me down. But yeah, just like, and, and, you know, it’s like, Hey, talk to a few different people and, and, and, you know, what’s their process is and and kind of what they did. Scott Landry — But the other thing that I learned quickly was everybody that I talked to does it differently. And so it wasn’t about figuring out the process. It was about finding my own. Rich Birch — Yep.Scott Landry — And so I kind of leaned on what I know of myself and how I kind of operate. And so that was one.Scott Landry — I think the other one was You know, however much time you think it’s going to take, double it and then add some to that. Like it’s way more time than you think it’s going to going to take.Scott Landry — I would, you know, what do they say? Like find people in your life who tell you what you need to know, not what you want to hear. Like it’s like whoever you’re going to invite into the process with you, like you want to collaborate with people who are going to tell you the truth, not that you’re profound. It’s like, yeah, like I, I wanted this to be the best that it could be for my kids.Rich Birch — Right. Scott Landry — And that’s why I asked, you know, you and a few others. And so, um, and then I think, you know, the other one is, is really have a clear, at least for me, and I don’t know if this is true for you, but it’s like, I’m sure it is, like, you know who you’re writing to and who you’re writing for. Rich Birch — Right. Scott Landry — And I think that has to be like, every time I sat down, like after a coffee and was like, okay, here, we’re opening up the laptop again, it was like, I pictured Emma. I pictured Parker. This is who I’m writing this for. It’s like who, so whether if it’s a, if it’s a book for your church, if it’s a book for leaders, you know, whoever that’s for is like have a very clear picture in your mind, who your audience is and and imagine faces that represent those people.Scott Landry — Because I think it, to me at least, is it makes it less about the content and it brings the heart into it. And I think that I hope that and is what engages people more than, because I’m not a writer. But I hope my heart comes through the words that are on the pages. And I think that’s just because I had those two beautiful kids in mind.Rich Birch — Yeah, that’s cool. That’s a great, that’s a great tip. I, the, that idea of focusing who is the person. And I worked at a church that had a very robust practice kind of sermon practice process. And that’s one of the things, one of the questions we would often ask is like, who are you preaching this to? And I loved, cause our lead guy, he would get like really specific. It wouldn’t be like, it’s not like, well, I’m generally thinking 33 year old, you know, guys that are married. He’d be like, Scott Landry… Scott Landry — Yeah. Rich Birch — …you know, like he would like, it’s like he would pick out a specific person. He said, I’m hoping that that that’s who I’m thinking about. And that always struck me as like, I think that’s a part of what gave him great kind of power in his communication because it wasn’t this vague idea of like this, some general target. It’s like, no, I’m talking to this person and I want to, I want to communicate in a way that will move them. I think that’s great when you think about from a book point of view. Rich Birch — Well, I want to encourage people to pick up a copy of the book. But before we get there, any kind of last words about any of this that you want to share? You’ve been so generous with your time today.Scott Landry — No, I appreciate your time. I appreciate you having me on. And if anybody’s gotten to the end of this podcast and is even considering, you know, getting a copy of the book, I guess my heart for you would be to discover what I discovered the hard way, but I hope that it doesn’t require you to to find out the hard way is that that God truly knows who you truly are. And all he desperately wants is for you to be honest about who he already knows you are. And and then he wants to release that person for the purpose that he has for them. And so I pray that it doesn’t take whoever you are, you losing what I lost to find that. I hope that you will be wiser than I was. Learn, you know, don’t learn from your own mistakes, learn from mine. And, and, and, and find yourself because you’re going to find God there waiting. And I hope that for you and pray that for you.Rich Birch — That’s good. That’s great. So we want to send people to Amazon. Is that the best place that they can pick up copies of this book? Is there anywhere else we want to send them just as we wrap up today’s episode?Scott Landry — No, yeah, Amazon, the book “The Fight” is there. Can also follow me on Instagram. Keep updates there – @scottmlandry. Yeah, you can see pictures my sneakers. That’s about it.Rich Birch — It’s great. Thanks so much, Scott. Appreciate you being here.Scott Landry — Thank you, Rich.

I bet you know your favorite way to learn something. Maybe it's by listening to a podcast, skimming a couple of articles on the topic, reading a book, going to a live lecture, taking a Masterclass, talking to a knowledgable friend, playing your way through an App like Duolingo, attending a conference... The point is, we're all pretty different when it comes to our FAVORITE way to take in information. The way that really helps it sink in. For me, it's often about visuals and color, dating all the way back to my high school years when I created my own visual notes summaries of the semester for each class before finals. I enjoyed reading through all my notes and condensing them into a couple of brightly colored pages. Once I had done that, I barely had to study those highlight reels, because the process of making them had done most of the studying for me. Honestly, I looked forward to exam week because I could take my exams and look at my notes for the next day more quickly than I could get through the work of a normal week of school. I had more free time when we had tests, and I enjoyed my review process. Today on the pod, as many folks may be headed into a unit or term review, just as student focus is already taking a left out of school city toward vacation land, let's talk about an easy way to give students agency over their review, ANY review. Go Further:  Explore alllll the Episodes of The Spark Creativity Teacher Podcast. Get my popular free hexagonal thinking digital toolkit Join our community, Creative High School English, on Facebook. Come hang out on Instagram.  Enjoying the podcast? Please consider sharing it with a friend, snagging a screenshot to share on the 'gram, or tapping those ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ to help others discover the show. Thank you!

Ducks! They first appeared (twice) in the original novelization of Star Wars and have been floating around ever since … but why are there ducks in the galaxy far far away? And what about horses? Or ravens? Or rats? Listen as we explore the possible reason behind there being so many “earth animals” in Star Wars and the true behind the scenes historic role animals have played in the saga. So get those raccoons out of the bathtub, celebrate the love and listen today! JOIN THE BLAST POINTS ARMY and SUPPORT BLAST POINTS ON PATREON! NEW ANDOR SEASON 2 EPISODE COMMENTARIES! HEAR EPISODES EARLY AND SO MUCH MORE! Theme Music! downloadable tunes from episodes! Extra goodies! and so much MORE! www.patreon.com/blastpoints Blast Points T-SHIRTS are now available! Represent your favorite podcast everywhere you go! Get logo shirts while supplies last! Perfect for conventions, dates, formal events and more! Get them here: www.etsy.com/shop/Gibnerd?section_id=21195481 If you dug the show, please leave BLAST POINTS a review on iTunes, Spotify and share the show with friends! If you leave an iTunes review, we will read it on a future episode! Honestly! Talk to Blast Points on twitter at @blast_points "Like" Blast Points on Facebook Join the Blast Points Super Star Wars Chill Group here www.facebook.com/groups/BlastPointsGroup/ we are also on Instagram! Wow! www.instagram.com/blastpoints Your hosts are Jason Gibner & Gabe Bott! contact BLAST POINTS at : contact@blastpointspodcast.com May the Force be with you, always! This podcast is not affiliated in any way with Lucasfilm Ltd. LLC, The Walt Disney Company, or any of their affiliates or subsidiaries. https://web.archive.org/web/20170708200533/http://www.starwars.com/news/drawing-from-the-present-familiar-creatures-in-a-galaxy-far-far-away https://starwars.fandom.com/f/p/4400000000000022550/r/4400000000000561252

In this episode Trent honestly breaks down every book he's written from "the worst" to "the GOAT" and everything in between. Get a case of Why We're Catholic https://shop.catholic.com/why-were-catholic-our-reasons-for-faith-hope-and-love-case-of-20-books/ To support this channel: https://www.patreon.com/counseloftrent [NEW] Counsel of Trent merch: https://shop.catholic.com/apologists-alley/trent-horn-resources/ Be sure to keep up with our socials! https://www.tiktok.com/@counseloftrent https://www.twitter.com/counseloftrent https://www.instagram.com/counseloftrentpodcast

#79: What changes in feeding when your baby turns 1? Honestly...not a whole lot. But we do make the transition to cow's milk and that can be kind of tricky for some families. In this episode we're looking at how to pick milk when your baby turns 1. From questions about how much to feed, what types of cow's milk to try, transitioning from breastmilk and/or formula to cow's milk and milk alternatives, I'm answering all your questions on how to pick a milk when your baby turns 1. Listen to this episode to learn: 1. Why it's ok for babies to have cow's milk protein in yogurt, low sodium cheeses and other dairy foods but why we don't substitute fluid cow's milk for breastmilk and/or formula until baby turns 1 2.  What to look for in the milk aisle when you're choosing a cow's milk for your baby at or after the 1 year mark 3.  How to wean baby off of the bottle (and when to do that) and what to consider if you need to do a cow's milk alternative if your baby has cow's milk protein allergy or you're a vegan family Shownotes for this episode can be found here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.babyledweaning.co/podcast/79 Links from this episode: • Baby-Led Weaning with Katie Ferraro program with the 100 First Foods™ Daily Meal Plan, join here: ⁠https://babyledweaning.co/program⁠ • Baby-Led Weaning for Beginners free online workshop with 100 First Foods™ list to all attendees, register here: ⁠https://babyledweaning.co/baby-led-weaning-for-beginners⁠ Other episodes related to this topic: • Episode 13 - “Milk Protein: How to Introduce Your Baby to this Potentially Allergenic Food”⁠ • Episode 40  - “6 Reasons to Skip the Sippy Cup with Dawn Winkelmann, MS, CCC-SLP” ⁠ • Episode 285 - “Are Plant-Based Milks Safe for Babies?”

Last week, Bari sat down with Erika Kirk for an hour-long town hall in front of a live audience on CBS. It was an extremely powerful conversation. Erika and Bari spoke about a lot—rising political violence in this very divided country; the way some people justified or excused Charlie's murder; what Erika thinks about some of the controversial things Charlie said in his lifetime; her response to Candace Owens and the conspiracy theories Owens and others are peddling; the growing antisemitism on the right; and her decision to forgive Charlie's killer. They also talked about the posthumous release of Charlie's last book, Stop, in the Name of God: Why Honoring the Sabbath Will Transform Your Life. This town hall was the first of many conversations and debates Bari will be bringing to CBS News about the things that matter most. Which, of course, are often the hardest to talk about. We really hope you will tune in.  In case you missed this first one with Erika Kirk, we're thrilled to share the conversation here on Honestly. And we can't wait for you to catch the next one on CBS News. The Free Press earns a commission from any purchases made through all book links in this article. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Get ready to join me for my legendary 2026 New Year's Goal Setting Party! Create the life of your dreams one year at a time.In this episode, I sit down with Kate the Colour, a leading Chromologist, (no, I didn't know what the hell that was either!) to explore how the colours we surround ourselves with can directly influence our energy, mindset and manifestation power. Kate breaks down the psychology behind colour, how different shades affect our nervous system and how we can use colour intentionally in our homes, wardrobes and daily routines to shift our vibration. If you've ever wondered why certain colours make you feel calm, powerful, confident, or creative, this conversation will open your eyes to the world of colour as a manifestation tool.We dive into practical, easy-to-apply ways to use colour to call in the life you want, whether you're manifesting love, money, clarity, confidence, or a whole new chapter. From creating high-vibe spaces to choosing colours that support your goals, Kate shares the secrets behind colour energy and how it shapes our subconscious. This episode is packed with insight, inspiration, and tangible steps you can take immediately to upgrade your environment, elevate your frequency, and manifest with intention.Come and find me @francescaamber & @lawofattractionchangedmylife on Instagram - I would LOVE to hear from you.Join the Book Club B*tches We are the UK's largest self development book club. Honestly this book club and the bad b*tches within it are my self development secret. They are the BIGGEST secret to my success and I'm in love with life long learning! Come and join us, it's not a cult, it's probably not a coven but it IS the best.You can find all my work including overnight subliminals for weight loss, wealth, fertility, beauty and confidence, success etc..as well as online masterclasses on my website, francescaamber.comBy the way, do we love my Amazon Storefront - it even has all my favourite self development books on there!(Amazon associate)You can buy my Sunday Times Bestselling book Manifest Like a Mother here.Thank you so much for listening and I'll see you again next week,Fran xxx Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.