Lesbians are Miracles

MIDDLE SCHOOL. It was awkward, it was sensitive, it was marked by growing pains, school dances, cafeteria politics, and cliques. It's a difficult time for anyone, but perhaps most especially for a pubescent, suburban queer. Wince visibly with us as we relive our harrowing, gawky, and extremely uncool junior high experiences, one inelegant memory at a time. 

Ever taken different Tinder dates to the same old neighborhood gay bar? Have you used a trusty pick-up line on lots of different ladies, or maybe gifted the same book of poetry to your past three exes? If so, you may be guilty of REDYKLING! Dial up those earbuds and cringe in a well-natured way with us as we re-hash, dissect, process, and examine all of the ways in which we repeat—and sometimes break—our painfully gay patterns, habits, routines, and tendencies.  

Whether you loved or screamed at the TV every minute of it, we think we can all agree that HAPPIEST SEASON is a piece of queer cinema we'll be hate-or-joy-watching for holidays to come. In this episode, join us as we dissect in excruciating detail the tropes, nuances, successes and epic failures of Clea Duvall's seasonally sapphic rom com that has everyone talking. 

It’s been a minute, but guess what? WE’RE BACK and we’re gayer than ever! In this episode, we’re dishing the dirt on QUEERANTINE, aka, how we’ve been spending the last seven months. Commiserate along with us as we talk about self-care in a global pandemic, ultra u-hauling, what we’ve gained, what we’ve left behind, and all of the queer (and not queer) content we’ve shamelessly consumed. (Sarah Paulson, anyone?!) Put on your favorite sweatpants, get yourself a heaping plate of cheese, pour yourself something nice, and come kick it with your girls. We’ve missed you.

In this very special episode, we're talking to the bold and beautiful Lory Lyon (you could say we're biased, but the facts are the facts) about her experience growing up as a lesbian in small town East Texas. Whether you've wondered about the unique challenges those born south of the Mason Dixon face in their coming-of-age; grew up as a southern queer yourself; or are still grappling with some version of home-town homophobia (and to all y'all, we tip our hats), dust off your spurs and saddle up. This is one you won't wanna miss. 

Dyke + Icon: They're the queer women you appreciate, look up to, fawn over, love, stan, venerate, idolize. They're the celesbians who risk their career for their truth, your favorite childhood musician or leading lady, your butch co-worker, your teacher, your best friend, your second cousin, the softball coach who saved your life. Dykons come in endless shapes and forms, and in this episode, we're talking about the ones who have had the biggest impact on us, and all of you—this one's for the womxn who mentored, shaped, and formed us; the ones who gave us permission; those who were themselves before we were able; the bold, badass queers who came out and stood out; who made us feel less alone; who paved—and pave—the way. 

Is your wardrobe suspiciously absent of even one piece of flannel? Are you ignorant of the lyrics to Closer to Fine? Do you secretly kind of hate Tegan and Sara? Are you decidedly not at all a cat person? Do you ONLY know your rising sign? There are a million different ways to be a bad lesbian, and in this episode, we’re flinging open our closet doors and inviting you to catch our gay skeletons slippin’. In the mood for even more processing? DM us on Instragam at @lesbiansaremiracles and let us know what makes YOU a bad lesbian!

This one's for the fans! We asked you to write in with your most burning queer-ies, and in this episode, we're answering them all, from how to find your own women-loving-women squad in your hometown, to tips for bridging a ten-year age gap, what to do when your crush puts you in the friend zone, and so much more. Celebrate our inaugural year with us as we respond, reminisce, and wax rhapsodic about lesbian life and how much we love YOU! 

DEFINING THE RELATIONSHIP: It's transformative, a declaration of love, a fork in the road, a fulcrum, an ending, a beginning, a point of growth or of no return. Whether you're the definer or the definee; whether it goes the way you'd been hoping or blindsides you like a rogue wave; whether it affirms your love, or dismantles it; it's likely to be an experience you won't soon forget.  If you've ever D'dTR one way or another, or just want to hear us recount the details of our doomed couplings, whirlwind romances, perfect pairings, and ill-advised affairs, go ahead and bash that play button, baby! 

They're the sites of some of our most formative queer experiences. They're the sacred, crowded, liquor-soaked spaces we turn to for community, love, solace, friendship, fun, and so much more. In this episode, we're gearing up for World Pride by payin' homage to our most beloved dyke bars, dyke parties, and dyke-adjacent watering holes near and far, with a special tribute to our cherished Cubbyhole and everyone's favorite happy hour hero, Debbie Greenberg! Bottoms up, laydeez!

Spring is sprung and so are we! What better way to kick off blooming season than with an episode dedicated to a topic very near and dear to our hearts--yes, you guessed it!--it's S-E-X, darling. 

Picture it: It's Christmas Eve, and you're riding the train across state lines to visit your family for the holiday. It's dusk, and from the window you notice a light snow begin to fall. You're by yourself and occupied, maybe reading a book, maybe scrolling through your phone, when all of a sudden, a beautiful figure seated across the aisle catches your eye. "She's magnificent," you think, as she draws a small Activia yogurt from her tasteful purse and begins eating it with the plastic spoon she must have stored in one of her several travel satchels the night before. You know nothing about this mature and resplendent woman; can barely discern why she's captivated your attention with such force and power; can't pinpoint the source of her magnetism, nor your attraction to it. It's not romantic, no--it's almost more mystical, more complex. More ancient. A feeling born from beyond your physical form; a feeling that transcends space and time. "Train Grandma," you think, the words crossing your mind with a nostalgia you can't quite pinpoint, a December wind whispering through bare branches. She is, you come to realize the longer you take her in, the landscape rolling by unnoticed, an aspiration, a projected possibility of a future self, an incarnation of the you you never knew until this moment you could someday become.   Not all of us have been blessed with a Train Grandma experience, but as long as we're alive, we have the unique privilege of not only contemplating who we'll turn into, but taking conscious steps to reach the most fully-actualized representation of ourselves--and as queer people, if we're lucky, we have even more opportunity to dream our someday-selves outside of the confines of pre-prescribed narratives and ON OUR OWN TERMS, HONEY! In our TENTH EPISODE, we're pulling apart all of this, plus a whole lot more (what else is new, my fam?!)--you won't wanna sleep on this one! 

Lez face it—getting busted as a queer person is a particularly distinct phenomenon—and sometimes it’s downright dangerous. Maybe your parents are cleaning your room and uncover love letters from your secret Sapphic crush. Or you’re getting it on in the bathroom of a bar and Becky busts in on you and your girl. Or you’re at work and get the lesbian head nod from a colleague to whom you haven’t come out. Whether you’re one of the jillions* of homos who’ve been forced to slip into the safety of stealth mode at one point or another, or a straight person wondering how this could possibly be different from your own experience of getting caught with porn, click that play button and commiserate with us as we peel back the layers on our close shaves, white-knucklers, and far-too-narrow escapes. *Yes, we took a poll.

Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's Gaybelline! We're back from our holiday hiatus and kicking off 2019 with an episode dedicated to some of our most beloved dyke tells. Do the corners of your mouth turn down when you smile? Is your ring finger longer than your pointer finger? Are you a sucker for a low-pitched, raspy, Lindsay Lohan-esque voice? Do you have a distinctly dyke-centric stride, or a set of little lesbian bosoms of your own? ARE YOU POSITIVELY BRIMMING WITH NIPPLE CONFIDENCE?! If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, or are just curious to find out what the hell we're talking about, then dial up that volume on your favorite fags (insert *lesbian smirk* here) as we look past the flannel shirts, haircuts, and thumb rings to explore what's really going on underneath it all.   

It’s that phenomenon every lesbian everywhere has experienced: You’re at the only dyke bar in your town, and your ex-girlfriend walks in holding hands with your ex-girlfriend before her. Or you’re out celebrating Pride and immediately run into at least three people you’ve slept with. Or you start hanging out with a new group of friends and soon realize you’ve all hooked up with that same Sapphic scenester. No matter what you want to call it—One Degree of Separation; Same 50 Dykes; The Chart 2.0—it’s undeniable that the lesbian community is a concentrated one, and on most days you can’t swing a dead cat (sorry, cats!) without hitting a woman you’ve at least made out with. If you know what it’s like to live with this constant feeling of dyke-ja-vu, then sit back, crack open your favorite beverage, and get ready to RELATE.

Need a small break from the news cycle today? Desperate for a little light-hearted escapism? Just in the mood to listen to a couple of dykes kiki about female musicians, summer camp, coming-of-age, Katy Perry vs. Jill Sobule,  and, uh, tampons? Well don’t worry, fam: we gotchu covered! Throw your election-related anxiety on the backburner and delve into the late 90s with us as we take a trip back in time to LILITH FAIR, the music festival founded by Sarah McLachlan (for those of you who don’t know!) and featuring some of the most influential and inspiring folk, rock, and rap artists of the era, including Sheryl Crow, Tracy Chapman, Missy Elliot, Jewel, Paula Cole, Erykah Badu, Suzanne Vega, Fiona Apple—the list goes on! And if all of that's still not enough to entice you, we’re also giving you the opportunity to kick our sorry asses at the Lilith Fair trivia we ourselves designed. Whether you're a bitch, a lover, a child, and/or a mother, this episode is for YOU. (But, like, maybe clear your very young children out of the room first.)

On EPISODE 5: DYKE FASHION, we’re spilling the tea on all of our favorite lesbian-centric trends, fads, styles, and signifiers. Remember when thumb rings were *the* identifying characteristic for lady-loving-ladies? Ever mistaken a straight girl for a gay one because of her shoes, or confused a Phish fan with a dyke (cough: cargo pants and Birkenstocks)? Got a closet full of snap-backs, bandanas, and bow ties, and your gender-neutral barber shop on speed dial?  Wearing your favorite gay t-shirt AT THIS VERY MOMENT?! THEN HIT THAT PLAY BUTTON AND LEZ KICK IT, BABY. (Disclaimer: we recorded this episode on Labia Day Weekend before we really understood the nuances of a release schedule, so if nothing else we hope you enjoy this flashback to the warmer weather of early September!)

At long last, our marriage episode has finally arrived! We know pretty much nothing about what it's like to be married, so we brought in subject matter experts, our dearly beloved Kim & V, to drop some knowledge on us! Listen along as they take us on a journey from their frosted glass conference room days of boss and underling to their Jersey shore "fratchelorette" party where backyard jello wrestling was the main event, and everywhere beyond and in between! These two are defining marriage FOR THEMSELVES, and we could not be more here for it!

Ever wondered about our favorite Cubbyhole experience? What we think of former lesbians who now "exclusively" date dudes? Our biggest celebrity crushes of all time? We know that you have, because you asked us directly, and the good news is you'll wonder no further after this fast and furious DYKENING ROUND, where we provide answers to your most sizzling dyke-centric questions, and maybe--hopefully--give you a bit more than you bargained for. 

What's YOUR Tinder strategy? How about your policy on ghosting? Old enough to remember when OkCupid was THE dating app for gay ladies? If you've ever dated a straight girl (whether accidentally or on purpose), been licked on the face on the first date, feared for your life while kissing another woman in public, pondered the broiling existential condundrum of whether or not to message first, thought you might be a late-in-life lesbian, or just wondered about the nuances of dyke-centric online dating, this episode is for you! 

On Episode 1: ORIGIN STORIES, we dig into all of the early signs, markers, and rainbow flags that led our baby dyke selves to believe there was something a little bit different about us. Listen as we lift the veil on our first celebrity crushes (what's up, Uncle Jesse & Kimmy Gibbler), best friend loves, favorite movies (NOW & THEN, anyone?!), gay idols, coming out stories, and so much more!