Love Junkie: Help for the Relationship Obsessed, Love Addicted, & Codependent

It's the holidays and maybe you're in need for an emotional support plan to get through any triggering times. We hope this episode is helpful for you!   WORK WITH ME Enroll in Learn to THRIVE   FIND ME ONLINE: Website: ShenaTubbs.com Facebook: Shena Tubbs Instagram: @shenatubbs Twitter: @shenatubbs

In this episode, I talk about the definition of intimacy disorders and how you would know you have a problem connecting with others. I spend a lot of time talking about the experience of love addiction, love avoidance, and how people can begin to take steps to break the cycle! In this episode, I discuss: Symptoms for intimacy disorders Definition of love addiction and love avoidance How people form these addictive patterns Ways that love addicts and love avoidants operate in relationships The cycle that love addicts and avoidants find themselves in Next steps to breaking these cycles WORK WITH ME Enroll in Learn to THRIVE   RECOMMENDED RESOURCES Facing Love Addiction by Pia Mellody Attached by Amir Levine Running on Empty - Dr. Jonice Webb The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships by Patrick Carnes   FIND ME ONLINE: Website: ShenaTubbs.com Facebook: Shena Tubbs Instagram: @shenatubbs Twitter: @shenatubbs

Wondering what this podcast is and what will you learn? Here's our intro to version 2.0 of Love Junkie here for you today! LEARN MORE Follow us on Instagram @shenatubbs Check Out Our Website: shenatubbs.com Join our Coaching Program: learntothrivecourse.com

You've been asking... so it's here (sort of!)  Take a listen to learn more! FOLLOW ME ELSEWHERE ShenaTubbs.com Instagram: @shenatubbs Facebook: Shena Tubbs  

Hey, Loves!   So excited to share with you the new direction of Love Junkie! Take a listen and follow me along!   BlackGirlsHeal.org

Emily Nagoski the award winning author of the New York Times best seller Come as You Are is on the show today. Emily is an expert on women's sexual well-being and a gifted and engaging speaker. She travels the globe speaking and teaching about healthy sexuality. She is a sex educator that brings the science to all of her work. I am so excited to have her here today. Show Notes [02:44] This is the middle of sex month and we are talking about healthy sexuality. [03:20] Emily was an undergrad in college, and wanted to do some volunteer work. She became a peer health educator. She ended up going to resident halls and talking about condoms, contraception, and consent. [04:28] Emily's work with sexual violence prevention made her like who she was as a person and helped her choose the pathway that she is on now. [04:34] She has a master's degree in counseling and psychology. She trained as a sex therapist but decided she was better suited to be an educator. She also has a PhD in health behavior with a concentration in human sexuality. [05:12] Every person gets to choose how they feel about their sexuality. Every person has full autonomy over their own body. [06:27] Sex is an attachment behavior. [06:42] Human beings are born incredibly helpless. The cuteness of babies is the crucial factor and an attachment bond is created. [08:14] Adults form an almost instant attachment bond with their babies. It takes a baby about three months to form that same bond. [08:21] It's about survival. This is no longer true when we are adults, but our bodies don't know that. [08:48] When there is a threat to our adult attachment, we literally think we could die. [09:30] About half of adults develop a secure attachment system and about half have an insecure attachment system where they don't trust their adult caregiver will be there when they need them. [09:51] The way we attach as children shapes the way we learn to attach as adults. [10:05] An anxious attachment style is where your body copes with the risk that your caregiver may not be there for you by clinging on and not letting go. [10:46] Driven by fear of abandonment they may have sex with multiple partners. [11:19] Research shows that people with avoidant attachment styles are more likely to have one night stands. [13:33] One of Emily's favorite books how to be an adult focuses on beginning to take care of yourself instead of waiting for someone to take care of you. [13:46] One of the biggest barriers people encounter in reconnection with themselves is the question of trust. [13:58] With insecure attachment you believe that no one is going to be there for you. [14:08] With anxious attachment no one is going to be there for you unless you clean really hard. [14:10] With avoidant attachment no one is going to be there for you. [16:07] There's nothing wrong with taking space and time away from the healing process. [17:12] Brakes versus acceleration. The sympathetic nervous system is the accelerator or stress response, and the parasympathetic nervous system is the brake. [18:05] Our sexual response system operates in the same way. [18:52] The process of arousal is a dual response of turning on the on and off the off. [22:14] People in long-term stable relationships are usually not the people who can't wait to have sex with each other. They have a strong foundation of friendship, and they decide and prioritize sex. [27:18] Create a protected space for you and your body to get to know each other. [29:40] Send love to your body parts and notice the parts that your brain has been taught to disrespect. [30:31] Exploring the way your body receives sensation is step one to discovering what pleasure feels like. [33:37] Orgasm isn't the goal, pleasure is the goal. [37:48] Our ultimate source of wisdom about our sexuality and human connection is our own bodies and our own internal experiences. We need to learn to trust, love, and listen to our bodies. [43:10] Share something that you've learned on the love junkie podcast on Instagram to win a copy of Come As You Are using #LoveJunkie. The contest ends November 23rd. Links and Resources: Shena Tubbs Shena Tubbs on Instagram Shena Tubbs on Facebook Come as You Are Emily Nagoski @emilynagoski on Twitter Burnout How to Be an Adult in Relationships Sue Johnson EFT The Come As You Are Workbook

This week, we are joined by trauma therapist and educator Nina Keeler to talk about what are the effects of childhood emotional neglect and how it impacts relationships. Nina breaks down what is Somatic Experiencing as a treatment option and how it can help! Resources Mentioned Feelings List Download Running on Empty by Dr. Jonice Webb Love Tribe Membership   Connect with Nina NinaKeeler.com Instagram Facebook Twitter   Connect with Me ShenaTubbs.com Instagram Facebook Twitter

Today we talk about the importance of self compassion, how to build it, and it's connection to recovering from addiction and unhealthy behaviors.  How to describe self compassion (courageous love towards yourself - offering yourself trust, respect, and radical acceptance at a time you feel you deserve it least ) What healthy relationships are made of How to find your way towards self compassion The impact of mindfulness and visualization Why building "self-esteem" doesn't work Why addiction is an abandonment of ourselves What urges are telling you Why self compassion is not a transaction   RESOURCES MENTIONED Searching for "Loving Kindness" meditations on Insight Timer and YouTube Everything You Think You Know About Addiction is Wrong by Johann Hari In the Realm of the Hungry Ghosts by Gabor Mate CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST Chicago Compass Counseling Facebook: Chicago Compass Counseling ModerateYourDrinking.com