Podcasts about intimacy

After Monday's incredible conversation with Russ Hudson, we're diving into our January theme: Instincts & Intimacy. Today's episode reveals how your dominant instinct (Self-Preservation, Social, or Sexual) often shows up differently when dating versus being married. We talk through not only how those differences may look, but how you can still try to find the healthiest and most achievable desires you're missing from those early honeymoon days. Break down each instinct's dating “performance” versus marriage reality, plus how to work with (not against) your and your partner's instinctual drives as you do so. Watch on YouTube! Don't forget! Use the special E + M Code Marriage100 for $100 the course ⁠here!⁠ https://russhudson.com/the-instincts-and-inner-work-building-practices-for-transforming-our-life-patterns/ Find ⁠Russ Hudson's books here!⁠ https://russhudson.com/books/ For more about Russ, visit https://russhudson.com/ Find more about your type, the pod, freebies, and SO much more at our website right here! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.EnneagramandMarriage.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Love what you're learning on E + M? Make sure you leave us a podcast review so others can find us, too⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ here!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Get Christa's Best-Selling Book, The Enneagram in Marriage, here! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://a.co/d/df8SxVx Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Do you wish intimacy felt easier and more satisfying? Do you wish your man would last longer in bed? Dr. Alexandra Stockwell and pleasure advocate Melissa Louise explore sexual confidence, energy awareness, and emotional connection to help couples deepen intimacy and feel closer without pressure or shame.   About The Guest: Melissa Louise Is your Leading Pleasure Advocate , Erotic Blueprint, Sex, Intimacy & Relationship Expert. She supports women to reclaim their divine birthright to feel alive, orgasmic, and turned the fuck on, no matter what their age or relationship status. And men to be more attractive, powerful, trustworthy, make more money and find freedom by lasting longer in bed—the perfect erotic turn on cocktail that nourishes your health, wealth and well being. With certifications also in Kink 101, Accelerated Evolution, and Access Consciousness, Melissa truly embodies how we do life is how we do sex. This is the true revolution of our time lovers.   Connect with Melissa: https://www.instagram.com/melissa_louise_intimacy/ https://melissalouise.substack.com/subscribe http://www.melissalouise.world Men In Control is for men wanting to last longer, increase their energy, and experience more pleasure  https://melissalouise.world/man-6739?am_id=alexandra915   If you enjoyed this conversation, don't miss Melissa Louise's first interview on the Intimate Marriage Podcast, exploring female orgasm and deeper intimacy:  https://www.alexandrastockwell.com/four-gateways-to-female-orgasm/     Subscribe To The Intimate Marriage Podcast: Apple Podcast | YouTube | Spotify Connect With Alexandra Stockwell, MD: Website | Linkedin | Instagram   Get your copy of "Uncompromising Intimacy" by Dr. Alexandra Stockwell here: https://amzn.to/2ymI3Hl Download the first chapter of Dr Alexandra's bestselling book, "Uncompromising Intimacy," here:  https://www.alexandrastockwell.com/book   Cultivate your intimacy skills (without compromise) in Aligned & Hot Marriage, Dr. Alexandra's proven method for smart couples ready to love more fully:  www.alignedhotmarriage.com   Join Dr. Alexandra's email list to stay connected. She shares inspiring stories, her latest insights and opportunities to learn with her:  https://www.alexandrastockwell.com/subscribe   This Podcast Is Produced, Engineered & Edited By:  Simplified Impact

As a new year begins, Stasi is joined in the studio by her husband, John, for a thoughtful conversation about the pace of life and guarding our hearts. Together they reflect on what the past year has taught them and the gentle invitation of Jesus to slow down, release false urgency, and come back—again and again—to a life deeply rooted in Him.…..SHOW NOTES:…..VERSES: Proverbs 4:23 (NIV) – Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.Psalm 46:10 (NIV)  – He says, ‘Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.'Matthew 11:29–30 (NIV) – Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.John 4:32 (NIV) – But he said to them, ‘I have food to eat that you know nothing about.'John 4:34 (NIV) – Then Jesus said, ‘My food is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work.'Psalm 1:1–3 (NIV) – …That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither—whatever they do prospers.Jeremiah 17:7–8 (NIV) – But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.Revelation 22:2 (NIV) – Down the middle of the great street of the city. On each side of the river stood the tree of life, bearing twelve crops of fruit, yielding its fruit every month. And the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations.…..RESOURCESExplore the Pause App – Includes the One Minute Pause, 30 Days to Resilience, and the Experience Jesus 20-day program. Simple, beautiful, practices to help you slow down and deepen your union with God.   ⁠https://www.pauseapp.com/⁠The Daily Prayer from Wild at Heart – Now available within the Pause App or on the Wild at Heart App.  ⁠https://wahe.art/4e1NSIg⁠Lectio 365: ⁠https://wahe.art/3Ckq7xG⁠Pray As You Go: ⁠https://pray-as-you-go.org⁠Practicing the Way: Be with Jesus. Become like him. Do as he did. By John Mark Comer  ⁠https://bit.ly/4jZThCi⁠Stasi's new book, The Ladder of Love, will be available October 2026. We are so excited, and will keep you updated!Dallas Willard quote: “Ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life.”…..Don't Miss Out on the Next Episode—Subscribe for FreeSubscribe using your favorite podcast app:YouTube – https://wahe.art/4h8DelL⁠Spotify Podcasts – https://wahe.art/496zdfnApple Podcasts – ⁠https://apple.co/42E0oZ1⁠ Amazon Music & Audible – ⁠https://amzn.to/3M9u6hJ⁠

If intimacy feels rushed, surface-level, or more like a routine than real connection, this episode is going to feel like a breath of fresh air. So many empty-nest wives say, “We're together… but it doesn't feel close.” If that's you, you're not alone—and nothing is wrong with you or your marriage.In this episode, I break down why intimacy feels shallow in midlife and the emotional and spiritual shifts that make romance feel meaningful again. You'll learn:– The hidden reasons intimacy feels disconnected after years of marriage– How emotional distance—not desire—is the real barrier to deeper closeness– Why slowing down and softening the atmosphere instantly changes the connection– How one simple, Spirit-led shift brings back tenderness, warmth, and desire– Four practical steps to rekindle deep romance starting tonightIf you're craving intimacy that feels real, connected, and lasting—not rushed or routine—this episode will show you exactly where to begin.And if you want community and support on this journey, come join my private group, Empty Nest Wives – Rebuilding Intimacy & Connection.Friend, God continues to work miracles in my marriage… and I'm praying He does the same in yours. Tune in now.

Ready to Rewire Your Nervous System for More Pleasure, Intimacy, and Connection? Join us on this juicy episode of Shameless Sex as we dive into the world of nervous system healing with Melanie and Mark Curtis, the dynamic duo behind Coming Home Coaching. These two experts are on a mission to help you crack the code to deeper intimacy, more fulfilling relationships, and a sex life that's off the charts. Here's what you'll learn: • The surprising ways your nervous system is impacting your sex life (and how to take control) • How to recognize and release shame, and why it's the ultimate intimacy killer • The role of safety in feeling desire, and how to create a life that's safe for your wildest desires • What SomaCode is, and how it can help you unlock your full sexual potential • Practical tools and techniques for working with your nervous system, decreasing shame, and increasing your sense of worth and authentic expression Melanie and Mark bring their unique blend of somatic and subconscious expertise to the table, having navigated their own journeys of healing and growth. With their guidance, you'll learn how to move out of survival mode and into a place of safety, connection, and presence – leading to richer relationships, greater intimacy, and more fulfilling sex lives. By tuning in, you'll gain: • A deeper understanding of your nervous system and how it impacts your sex life • Practical tools for releasing shame and increasing your sense of worth • Insights into how to create a life with more sexual safety and intimacy • A new perspective on how to cultivate more pleasure, connection, and wholeness in your relationships So, are you ready to unlock the secrets to a more shameless, vibrant, and fulfilling sex life? Tune in to this episode and get ready to transform your relationships and ignite your passion. And, as a special treat, Melanie and Mark share how you can work with them to start your journey of coming home to yourself and to one another. To learn more and recevie your FREE 12 part series to unlock your subconscious patterns, go to: http://cominghomecoaching.com Follow them on IG @cominghomeglobal Do you love us? Do you REALLY love us? Then order ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠our book⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ now! Go to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠shamelesssex.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to snag your copy Support Shameless Sex by sending us gifts via our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Amazon Wish List⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Other links: Get 10% off boosting your load with code SHAMELESS at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://loadboost.com Get 10% off + free shipping with code SHAMELESS on Uberlube AKA our favorite lubricant at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://uberlube.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Get 10% off while learning the art of pleasure at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://OMGyes.com/shameless⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Get 15% off all of your sex toys with code SHAMELESSSEX at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://purepleasureshop.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Learn about something almost every couple experiences — that gap between wanting change and actually living it. | “Good intentions don't change anything. They just become a deeper and deeper rut.” —Joyce Meyer Is it really possible to rekindle the spark and restore the “like-new” connection in your marriage? Yes it is! In the 6 Pillars of Intimacy, you will discover secrets that have transformed countless marriages. Its ideas are simple, practical, and powerful. You'll be inspired to look at your marriage through a new lens and be encouraged by its commonsense approach. Alisa and Tony DiLorenzo's proven approach to building intimacy in marriage will help you experience deeper and richer levels of intimacy with your spouse – starting today. Click HERE to get your copy today! Links from today's episode: Man In The Mirror Join Intimacy Mastery Today Apply for Coaching With Alisa Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What happens when you stay quiet for too long in your relationship?In this powerful episode of She Believed She Could, Alison Walsh sits down with licensed couples therapist, author, and podcast host Colette Jane Fehr to explore why self-silencing, avoidance, and unhealthy communication patterns quietly erode intimacy and connection. Drawing from over 13 years of clinical experience and her upcoming book The Cost of Quiet, Colette breaks down the criticize–defend cycle, attachment styles, and the real reasons couples feel stuck, disconnected, or on the brink of divorce.This conversation is honest, compassionate, and deeply practical—offering hope, clarity, and tools for anyone who wants healthier communication, stronger relationships, and the confidence to speak their truth.Connect with Colette Fehr:Instagram: @colettejanefehrWebsite: colettefehr.comPre-Order Cost of Quiet 

I'm setting a bold focus for this new season: choose who we will be in hard moments and build relationships with no regrets. I share five common end-of-life regrets, turn them into learnable skills, and give you a clear assignment to craft one specific intention for the year.• the five most common relationship regrets are: silence, absence, guarded love, inauthenticity, unrepaired ruptures• skills for honest expression with loving power• rituals for presence and attention• vulnerability as a trainable skill• authenticity with empathy over people-pleasing• relationship cycles: harmony, disharmony, repair• spotting losing strategies like withdrawal, defensiveness, perfectionism• writing one specific, behavioral intention for hard moments• commit to practice and celebrate reps, not perfectionSo if you feel like this is your year to really start working on your relationships, then I would encourage you to go to https://monicatanner.com/call and book a complimentary, no obligation, 30-minute relationship breakthrough to see if this would be a good time to start working together.Send me an email, drop me a line on social, let me know what is your intention for this year.Send us a text

It happens slowly. Then all at once. Small compromises. Quiet trade-offs. One day you wake up and realize your life, your leadership, or your organization has drifted from what it was supposed to be about. The mission that once drove everything is now just words on a wall.Peter Greer wrote the book on it — literally. In How Leaders Lose Their Way, he unpacks why drift is the default and what it takes to stay anchored. Peter is President & CEO of HOPE International and has spent years helping leaders finish well — personally and organizationally.In this conversation, we unpack:→ What personal and organizational drift actually looks like (and why it's so hard to spot)→ The difference between "resume virtues" and "eulogy virtues"→ Why Peter writes his eulogy every year — and how it recalibrates everything→ The dangers of success, speed, and isolation→ Why you need friends who love you enough to tell you the truth→ How good organizations lose their mission — and why growth can't be the ultimate goal→ Practical guardrails you can put in place this weekIf you want to finish well, this conversation will show you how to fight the current.—

We talk about this all the time on the Ultimate Intimacy podcast — emotional intimacy and sexual intimacy go hand in hand. You can't expect a strong sex life if you're not emotionally connected first.For most people, especially many women desire doesn't start in the bedroom. It starts with feeling heard, valued, and emotionally safe. If that connection is missing, sexual intimacy often disappears right along with it.That's why when couples say, “Our intimacy isn't where we want it to be,” we usually ask them how the emotional connection is, and most the time it isn't connected either.When you focus on listening, showing appreciation, spending intentional time together, and connecting without pressure, walls come down and desire naturally begins to return.And here's the exciting part... when emotional intimacy improves, sexual intimacy often comes back stronger than ever. Couples become more open, playful, and connected, and intimacy turns into something you both look forward to again.So if you want a better intimate life, don't skip the foundation.Build emotional closeness first, and watch every part of your marriage thrive.If you haven't already, go check out the Ultimate Intimacy App in the app stores, or at ultimateintimacy.com to find "Ultimate Intimacy" in your marriage. It's FREE to download and so much fun! Find out why close to 1M people have downloaded the app and give it such high ratings and reviews!Check out the new UandI App we just released after a year in development.WANT AMAZING PRODUCTS TO SPICE THINGS UP? YES PLEASE... CLICK HEREFollow us on Instagram @ultimateintimacyapp for app updates, polls, giveaways, daily marriage quotes and more.If you have any feedback, comments or topics you would like to hear on future episodes, reach out to us at amy@ultimateintimacy.com and let us know! We greatly appreciate your feedback and please leave us a review.Enjoy the podcast or have some feedback for us? Shoot us a message!

What if your inner world were a home? In this episode of Tami Talks: Unscripted Healing, Tami uses the metaphor of moving to explore emotional healing, inner child work, intentional rebuilding, and letting go of the energy of 2025. Together, we walk through the rooms of your life — relationships, nourishment, intimacy, and the parts of yourself you've kept hidden — to help you decide what to keep, what to release, and what to rebuild. This episode is for anyone in a season of transition, shedding old patterns, or preparing to step into a new chapter with more clarity, safety, and self-trust. Your keys are ready. It's time to move in. ✨ Work With Me - The Nourished Woman Within A 4-month integrative healing experience combining nutrition, movement, nervous system support, inner child work, and spiritual nourishment.

In this insightful episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt dives into the five P's to avoid when dating: perfectionism, projecting, possessiveness, people pleasing, and pushing people away. With a blend of humor and honesty, Brianne unpacks how these personality traps can sabotage our relationships and hinder our ability to connect authentically with others.Brianne encourages listeners to reflect on their dating behaviors and emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and healthy boundaries. She shares personal anecdotes and practical advice on how to break free from these detrimental patterns, allowing for more genuine connections. From learning to embrace imperfections to recognizing the significance of autonomy in relationships, this episode offers valuable insights for anyone navigating the complexities of modern dating.Join Brianne as she empowers you to step into the new year with a fresh perspective on dating, reminding us that true connection comes from being our authentic selves. This episode is essential for anyone looking to foster healthier relationships and overcome the common pitfalls of dating.

In this episode of Gateways to Awakening, Yasmeen speaks with transformational guide Sascha Haert to explore the deeper architecture of intimacy, embodiment, and authentic relating. Sascha works with women leaders who have achieved external success but still feel disconnected from themselves. Together, they unpack why relational patterns repeat, how to build partnerships rooted in truth rather than performance, and what it means to live from your deepest intelligence, the intelligence of the body.This conversation illuminates the subtle ways we abandon ourselves, how to reclaim our needs with integrity, and why intimacy always begins with honest self-resonance.“Intimacy only works when you stop performing and start telling the truth — not the dramatic truth, but the embodied one.” — Sascha HaertKey TakeawaysWhy many high-performing individuals struggle with intimacy and self-connectionHow the nervous system shapes our ability to stay open, present, and receptiveThe two pillars that Sascha believes every relationship needs to thriveHow to express truth without collapsing into reactivity or performanceWhy sensuality is a doorway to self-awareness, not just pleasureHow polyamory can act as a healing phase — and where it becomes a bypassPractical tools to speak the unspoken and build authentic connectionsHow to recognize and stop subtle self-abandonment in real timeThe difference between compatibility and resonanceWhat it means to live from “yes” instead of fear, obligation, or patternYou can find Sascha Haert on IG here. Tune in to Gateways to Awakening for more conversations with leading thinkers, creators, and spiritual pioneers shaping the future of consciousness. For more from me: follow my writing on Substack (substack.com/@therealyasmeent), find me on Instagram @TheRealYasmeenT, or visit InnerKnowingSchool.com.

Do you feel there's more and more emotional distance between you and your partner? Are you struggling to keep up with intimacy and romance and maybe even losing that connection you once had? Then this episode is for you. Today we meet OBGYN and sexual medicine specialist Dr. Maria Sophocles, who sheds light on what she calls "The Bedroom Gap." This gap describes the mismatch in desire, expectations, and physical ability between partners, especially as we age and go through menopause. We also cover: How hormonal changes, body image, and relationship dynamics intersect The biopsychosocial approach to sexual health — and why focusing on only hormones or meds isn't enough Practical strategies to improve communication and connection with your partner The role of estrogen, testosterone, and when to use FDA-approved treatments How to find ethical and effective sexual health professionals, from pelvic floor therapists to certified sex therapists, she rattled off some great resources, so get out your pen and paper. Why older women often rediscover pleasure and confidence once shame and societal pressure fade away Dr. Maria Sophocles has spent 30 years as a gynecologist and public advocate for women's health. Her mission to close the gendered healthcare gap inspired her viral TED talk and her book called The Bedroom Gap. She fought for 7 years for the creation of legislation providing access to contraception in New Jersey.  Her Princeton clinic and virtual practice serves 30,000 women in the US and globally.  She is currently working on a documentary about sex and menopause and developing a health clinic in rural Kenya.  The Bedroom Gap Book: https://mariasophoclesmd.com/book/ Contact Dr. Maria Sophocles: Website: https://mariasophoclesmd.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/mariasophoclesmd LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/maria-sophocles-591a8b10/   Give thanks to our sponsors: Try Vitali skincare. 20% off with code ZORA here - https://vitaliskincare.com Get Primeadine spermidine by Oxford Healthspan. 15% discount with code ZORA ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - http://oxfordhealthspan.com/discount/ZORA Get Mitopure Urolithin A by Timeline. 20% discount with code ZORA at https://timeline.com/zora Try Suji to improve muscle 10% off with code ZORA at TrySuji.com - https://trysuji.com Try OneSkin skincare with code ZORA for 15% off https://oneskin.pxf.io/c/3974954/2885171/31050   Join the Hack My Age community on: YouTube: https://youtube.com/@hackmyage Facebook Page: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@⁠Hack My Age⁠     Facebook Group: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@⁠Biohacking Menopause⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠   Biohacking Menopause Private Women's Only Support Group: https://hackmyage.com/biohacking-menopause-membership/ Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@⁠HackMyAge⁠    Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠HackMyAge.com⁠    For partnership inquiries: https://www.category3.ca/  Some episodes of Hack My Age are supported by partners whose products or services may be discussed during the show. The host may receive compensation or earn a minor commission if you purchase through affiliate links at no extra cost to you. All opinions shared are those of the host and guests, based on personal experience and research, and do not necessarily represent the views of any sponsor. Sponsorships do not imply medical endorsement or approval by any healthcare provider featured on this podcast.    

Send us a textSeason 8 begins with an event that shakes our heroes in ways they never expected! And starts the period known as, Season 8.Visit our website: www.VanillawithaSideofKink.comInstagram: VanillawithaSideofKinkAlso, you can learn more about our Shibari Rope Bondage business at www.AllTiedUpSanDiego.comAnd our new operation, the All Good Things Center for Inclusivity and Acceptance. Fetlife.com Group: Vanilla with a Side of Kink - The Podcast

This message kicks off a six-week series through Song of Solomon—real talk about desire, intimacy, marriage, singleness, and dating—without shame and without the world's counterfeit. It's a call to pursue your spouse on purpose, speak life where insecurity creeps in, and rebuild affection the way God designed it…

Hitting Your Spiritual Reset Button: New Challenge, New Plan For New Year January 4, 2026 Philippians 3:2-14 – “It's all about more Intimacy with Jesus” Philippians 3:2, 3 – True Relationships vs. zealous error of self-generated religious performance. Philippians 3:4-6 – Paul's “religious credentials”, “Pedigree” Philippians 3:7-9 – The righteous view of self-promotion, self-absorbed, outward achievement vs Romans 5:17 – The Gift! Philippians 3:10 – What am I “running after”; pursuing, reaching for? Knowing Him (personal intimacy) Power of resurrection life; victory over everything death deals Fellowship of His sufferings There is an intimacy with Jesus that comes through shared suffering! (i.e. fighting vs. sin, rejection, abandonment, betrayal, watching loved ones suffer; waiting on God to reveal) (i.e. having to wait on God to reveal to our loved ones what we already know would help, heal, restore, encourage, etc. [see Matthew 23:37; John 16:12]) Can't have resurrection without crucifixion! Conformed to His death: Connected, by faith, to the forgiveness, Grace, breaking of sin's power over us. (Romans 6:6, 7) Conformed to His death: By Faith we connect with His death which paid for and broke the power of everything that sin and satan broke, stole, destroyed! Through His death the debt of sin was paid and the legal power of sin (mine, yours) was broken! The benefits of His death were released to His sons and daughters (His heirs) by His resurrection and administered through His Holy Spirit! Philippians 3:12-14 – What am I Pressing For, Reaching/Running After? We must NOT BECOME SATISFIED with “MAINTAINING THE STATUS QUO”. WE MUST PRESS ON, REACH …. For a more intimate walk with Jesus! Forgive me, Lord, for staying content in my Relationship with You! PRESS: All out desires and corresponding actions (seek FIRST – Matthew 6:33) FORGETTING: Paul's successes, failures; Ours? Glance, not a gaze! (Acts 8, 9 vs. 2 Corinthians 11:12) God has chosen NOT to HOLD your sin in His remembrance (Hebrews 10:17) REACHING: Growing; aspiring for more Philippians 3:14 – The “Upward” call”: The promotion, favor, reward of humbling ourselves and walking in obedient Grace. John 8:31, 32; Romans 8:29 2 Corinthians 3:18

Trust ~ I can no longer trust anyone since my wife cheated with my best friend. Listen to caller's personal dramas four times each week as Dr. Kenner takes your calls and questions on parenting, romance, love, family, marriage, divorce, hobbies, career, mental health - any personal issue! Call anytime, toll free 877-Dr-Kenner. Visit www.drkenner.com for more information about the show (where you can also download free chapter one of her serious relationships guidebook).

Associate Professor Patsie Frawley researches sexuality rights as well as violence and abuse prevention in the lives of people with disabilities.

Because of the shortness and uncertainty of life, we must set our course this year to gain a deeper and more intimate knowledge and experience of God! I. Let's make it our goal to seek God for spiritual strength and growth in this new year! II. We must Seek God for Growth in Intimacy with Christ in this coming year! III. Let's Press on into an even Deeper Knowledge and Experience of Christ in His Love

Homily from the The Epiphany of the Lord Indifference can turn into hostility. Christ has come close. And yet, we all still have a choice: will we remain indifferent to His presence or will we seek Him out? If we choose indifference, we will not remain indifferent. When it comes to God, we either give Him our hearts or we remove Him from our lives. Mass Readings from January 4, 2026:Isaiah 60:1-6Psalm 72:1-2, 7-8, 10-11, 12-13Ephesians 3:2-3a, 5-6 Matthew 2:1-12

In our 100th episode of The Beacon Way Podcast, we're celebrating a milestone by digging into something that changed everything for our guest: data.Host Adrienne Wilkerson sits down with founder and clinical director of the Center for Intimacy & Relationships, Camille Espinoza, to talk about how tracking team metrics and understanding what actually drives success helped her improve client outcomes, boost team morale, and make better leadership decisions.Whether you're running a clinic, leading a creative team, or just trying to make sense of chaos—this episode will show you the power of data-informed leadership (and how to start small).Thank you for supporting The Beacon Way through 100 episodes! Here's to the next 100.

515-New Years Resolutions with Hope Happy New Year! If you're reading this a couple days into 2026—welcome. And if you're reading this in the middle of 2037, it still applies. Because God is still on the throne. He is still a good Father. And He is still interested in crafting and molding your heart—especially in the middle of real life… including the hard parts. Put Your Growth Mindset On (Yes, Literally) If you've been in our Delight Your Marriage sphere for any length of time, you know I'm a little obsessed with growth. So, the New Year is one of the things I look forward to the most. I want to share something that we do in coaching calls. It can honestly look silly… but it works. We put our hands over our heads like a hat and we say: "Put your growth mindset on." Why?  Because the posture matters. A growth mindset says: "God can change me." "I'm not finished yet." "This isn't the end of my story." "My marriage isn't stuck forever." A fixed mindset says: "This is just how I am." "Take it or leave it." "This is all there is." For us as believers, a growth mindset is a reflection of our faith.  Our hope is rooted in a God who raises the dead (Romans 8:11), who changes hearts of stone into hearts of flesh (Ezekiel 36:26), and who redeems the years the locusts have stolen (Joel 2:25).  Having a growth mindset is a reflection of the hope we have in Jesus. A New Year Reflection That Actually Changes You Here's what I like to do around the New Year (and yes, if you haven't done it yet, you still have time). I go month by month through the previous year and write down what I remember—hard things, good things, major moments, heartache, breakthroughs. Then, I pray: "God, what do You want me to learn from this year?" Because honestly… if He doesn't bring it to mind, maybe it isn't the thing He wants me to carry forward. Then after I list the moments, I write two categories: Wins Learnings Not because I'm trying to build a scrapbook of accomplishments or places I fell short, but because I'm trying to build wisdom. When You've Been Crushed… God Is Doing Something There's a passage in 2 Corinthians 1 where Paul describes being: utterly weighed down crushed despairing of life itself And then he says this: 7 And our hope for you [our confident expectation of good for you] is firmly grounded [assured and unshaken], since we know that just as you share as partners in our sufferings, so also you share as partners in our comfort. 8 For we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about our trouble in [the west coast province of] Asia, how we were utterly burdened beyond our strength, so that we despaired even of life [itself]. 9 Indeed, we felt within ourselves that we had received the sentence of death and were convinced that we would die, but this happened so that we would not trust in ourselves, but in God who raises the dead. 10 He has rescued us from so great a danger of death, and will rescue us; on Him we have set our hope [and confident expectation] that He will continue to rescue us. -2 Corinthians 1:7–10 (AMP) That suffering was to keep them from trusting in themselves… and to depend on God who raises the dead. Friend… what if that pain you walked through wasn't proof God forgot you? What if it was proof He was calling you deeper? Not into self-reliance. Not into "I'll just manage." But into dependence. And yes, dependence feels vulnerable. But it's also where hope is born. And we have a God that we CAN depend on. So wherever you relied on yourself this past year… know you can rely on God. The Subtle Trap: Distracting Yourself Instead of Depending on God Sometimes sneaks in during suffering: Distraction. When we hurt, we're tempted to numb. A screen. A scroll. A snack. A show. A YouTube rabbit hole. A constant something to get us away from feelings that are uncomfortable. And the question becomes: What am I trusting to comfort me? Is it God? Or is it a coping mechanism—even a "normal" one—that quietly replaces Him? If we want to be dependent on God, it must be for our comfort too. You Can Do "Christian Things" and Still Miss Love In thinking of resolutions for the new year, we need to also think about the heart behind it.  I want you to take into consideration 1 Corinthians 13. It is not just a wedding reading. It's a mirror. You can do all sorts of impressive things: serve teach sacrifice prophesy lead build give generously …and Scripture says: if it isn't done in love, it amounts to nothing. So here's a New Year question that matters more than "Did I hit my goals?" Did I love? Conviction Is Kindness (And Shame Is Not From God) In thinking about growth for the new year, consider Hebrews 12. It says 'God disciplines those He loves.' So, conviction is not God crushing you. Conviction is God reminding you of truth. The world doesn't know what to do with guilt and shame—so they do mental gymnastics, or distract, or blame, or numb. But we know what to do. We run to Jesus. Because the gospel is not "try harder." The gospel is: Jesus lived the life we couldn't live, died the death we deserved, and made a way for us to walk in freedom. So whatever is being brought up as you look through your past year that you feel convicted of… good. That means you're alive.  Now bring it to Him. Don't Forget to Thank God for the Ways He Changed You In all of this, in looking back at your past year and all the things you "checked off", don't forget to also say thank you. One of the most humbling moments in Scripture is when Jesus heals ten lepers… and only one comes back to thank Him. How many times have we prayed: "God, change me." …and then He does… …and we move on like it was our willpower? When God grows you—thank Him. Because He is good. Because He is faithful. Because your testimony becomes someone else's hope. Your Identity Isn't What People Say—It's What God Says Another thing to take into this year is that people may misunderstand you. They may assume motives, they may hold your past over your head, even after you've repented. And you know what? Jesus was falsely accused too. So yes, sometimes we process feedback and ask God: "Is there something I need to learn here?" But other times? You release it. Because your identity is: Beloved daughter.  Beloved son. He created you. He delights over you. And He is not done with you. Do not let the misunderstandings of this past year stop you from stepping into who God wants you to be in this new year. Jesus Has a Yoke for You—and It's Lighter Than What You're Carrying Jesus says: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."  -Matthew 11:28-30 So ask yourself: What have I been carrying that Jesus didn't ask me to carry? What do I need to leave behind in this past year? Social expectations? Other people's opinions? Constant stimulation? Endless noise? And then ask: What does it look like for me to come to Jesus? For me, it can look like: journaling on the couch with coffee and water worship on a walk playing the piano and singing to Him getting on my knees on the carpet and saying, "Lord, I need You." What about you? Because loving God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength is not just good in theory. It is meant to be a lived practice. Who Are You Assigned to Love This Year? Finally, this is about WHO your assignment is this year. In most seasons, your assignments go like this: your spouse your children (if you have them) the people God places in front of you And yes—when someone is suffering, priorities shift. We don't walk by wounded people like the Pharisee. But we also don't try to become the Holy Spirit for everyone. So here's a New Year question: Who is God calling me to love well—consistently—this year? Final Thoughts Maybe as you read this you're realizing: "I'm not patient or kind… not at home." "I don't know how to love my spouse well." "My spouse was so mean last year." "I was misunderstood by my friends and family." "I'm exhausted and numb and discouraged." We are here for you. And here's what I know after years of seeing real transformation: When God changes a man or a woman from the inside out… the marriage changes too. Not by manipulation or control. But by genuine love. We believe that this new year can be a year of incredible personal growth as well as beautiful transformation in your marriage. Don't let another year go by. We are here for you and we are rooting for you. Welcome to 2026!   With love,   The Delight Your Marriage Team   PS - If you want help taking real action—especially in your marriage—your next step is to Schedule a free Clarity Call. It's a conversation to help you get clarity on where you are, what's happening, and what support would actually help. You can find it at: delightyourmarriage.com/cc PPS - Here is a quote from a recent Coaching graduate: "My biggest struggle was frustration that while my wife and I were both committed to the LORD and faithful in personal prayer and devotions, as well as church attendance and fellowship with other mature Christians, we did not feel like our relationship was thriving… I felt alone and abandoned, didn't realize I craved respect, and rarely ever felt it. Intimacy was fairly regular, but very regimented…[Now,] I have the tools…I already see a lot of personal change in so many specific ways in which I interact with my wife, how I focus on her…we've just enjoyed being together more, with mini dates to delight her, and so many little practices I'm implementing to revive her spirit"

Are you ready to be intimate? Not ready? Intimacy can be a hard thing for some women after having babies. This episode has some tips and encouragement to help you in this season.  Email me on if you want me to continue doing postpartum or get back to pregnancy podcasts!: positivityinpregnancy@gmail.com Spark Love in Your Marriage and Motherhood Let's Get Awkward: Intimacy and Pleasure in Your Marriage Mama Natural Resource for week 8 postpartum Other Episodes on Nursing Your baby from ME: Nursing Crash Course for First Time Moms Dealing with Emotional Ups and Down of Nursing a baby 5 tips for Success in Nursing Your Baby Breast Feeding to Lose Weight Eat, Wake, Sleep Cycle I use with my babies Works with Nursing or Breastfed babies **Morning Sickness Mini Course for Mental Health (Formerly the Positive Pregnancy Program)**: This self-led video program, made to help foster positivity durning pregnancy. It is for women who have or do struggle with pregnancy and who want to have strong mental health during and specifically the first trimester of pregnancy during the nausea! This Mini Course will help you mentally navigate the hardships of the physical changes of pregnancy, especially that morning sickness phase. Direct link to Morning Sickness Mini Course for Mental Health Positivity in Pregnancy and Motherhood website: www.positivityinpregnancy.com Other Episodes you might like: Anxiety? Stressed in pregnancy? Podcast episode Strategies to Calm Fears and Worries in Pregnancy Episodes on Dealing with Nausea in the first trimester: Puking and Feeling Like I Can't Coping with Nausea in Pregnancy YouTube for Positivity in Pregnancy: https://www.youtube.com/@PregnancyisHardwithJosly-nd8wd Here is the Facebook Page for Pregnancy is hard: I have documented my journey of my fourth baby on this page and have other juicy and good tips for enjoying pregnancy better. https://www.facebook.com/pregnancyishard Here is the Pregnancy is Hard Support Group on Facebook: Let's offer support, help and fun for those in the trenches of pregnancy! https://www.facebook.com/groups/165102315544693 Instagram: @positivityinpregnancy  

One of the fastest ways intimacy erodes in marriage is through assumption.We assume our spouse knows what we need.We assume they understand how we feel.We assume love means they should just “get it.”But marriage doesn't work on mind-reading as we have talked about before, it works on communication.When we assume things, we stop asking questions. And when we stop asking questions, we stop truly knowing our spouse. Over time, those assumptions turn into unmet expectations, and unmet expectations almost always lead to frustration, resentment, or emotional distance.Dr. John Gottman, one of the leading marriage researchers, talks about “bids for connection” the small moments where one spouse reaches out for attention, affection, or understanding. When those bids are ignored, often because of assumptions, couples slowly drift apart. Assumptions also damage sexual intimacy. When one spouse assumes rejection, disinterest, or “now's not a good time,” desire goes unspoken. Silence replaces vulnerability. And eventually, intimacy feels awkward or distant, not because love is gone, but because communication is.In this episode, Nick and Amy talk about how making assumptions or assuming things in marriage can crate a lot of disconnect and conflict.Healthy marriages don't assume. They ask.They clarify.They check in.They choose conversation over silence.Because love isn't proven by how well you guess, it's proven by how well you listen.If you haven't already, go check out the Ultimate Intimacy App in the app stores, or at ultimateintimacy.com to find "Ultimate Intimacy" in your marriage. It's FREE to download and so much fun! Find out why close to 1M people have downloaded the app and give it such high ratings and reviews!Check out the new UandI App we just released after a year in development.WANT AMAZING PRODUCTS TO SPICE THINGS UP? YES PLEASE... CLICK HEREFollow us on Instagram @ultimateintimacyapp for app updates, polls, giveaways, daily marriage quotes and more.If you have any feedback, comments or topics you would like to hear on future episodes, reach out to us at amy@ultimateintimacy.com and let us know! We greatly appreciate your feedback and please leave us a review.*This episode was recorded and published a few years ago and we released it again.Enjoy the podcast or have some feedback for us? Shoot us a message!

What happens when you're having sex regularly—but it still feels empty? In this episode, Roberth and Laticia share their honest journey through desire differences, duty sex, resentment, and the painful belief that something must be wrong with one (or both) of them. Around the 10-year mark in their marriage, sex turned into a power struggle: Roberth wanted more, and Laticia felt like she could never be enough. Therapy didn't bring clarity—it left them feeling even more stuck. They eventually discovered that the problem wasn't lack of effort or attraction. They were missing skills—like understanding pleasure, learning about female anatomy, making space for emotional connection, and recognizing the difference between responsive and spontaneous desire. They also learned how often sex had become a way to manage each other's emotions instead of a place for true connection. You'll hear the breakthroughs that helped them move from "empty sex" to a more connected, confident, and collaborative intimate relationship, plus practical language for couples who feel stuck in the same cycle. If you've ever thought, "Why does this still feel disconnected?" or "Am I broken for not wanting sex more?" this conversation will give you hope and a clearer next step forward. Resources Mentioned in the Episode Come As You Are Becoming Cliterate Get Your Marriage On Coaching Program: https://getyourmarriageon.com/program/ Men's Only and Women's Only Cohorts (starting in January): https://getyourmarriageon.com/events/ Intimately Us & Just Between Us apps: https://getyourmarriageon.com/our-apps/

A Year of Intimacy Obedience and Multiplication is the topic that will be discussed today on RIOT Podcast, a Christian Discipleship Podcast.

Betting her Ass. Another look at ‘girls night out.' Based on a post by Farmer Jill. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. It was the usual thing, Dexter and Mia Johnson were married 19 years, and everyone thinks they have it all together. They met at a 4th of July fireworks. The fireworks were over, and it started to rain. Dexter had a coat and Mia didn't. He lent her his and the rest is history. Two kids came along, Allison and Amy. Two good kids, two good jobs, a nice house in the suburbs. Dexter and Mia were more in love now than when they first married. The only thing Dexter could complain about was Mia's friends Cynthia and Roxanne. Cynthia or Cyndi (sounds like sin for a reason) was married to Chet, and they had no children. Cyndi was a beautiful woman. She knew it and used it. Cyndi liked to try new things and always talked about the latest concepts. They weren't always new ideas, but they were new to her, and she spoke about them with passion like a true believer. Cyndi's latest was that the three women should start going out one night a month together, the dreaded girls' night out ( or Girls' Night, for short). Roxanne went by Roxy, and if Cyndi was beautiful, Roxy was gorgeous. She was married to Tom. They had a single child. Roxy wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer and usually would get drawn into Cyndi's latest ideas. Sometimes this caused Roxy some grief because she didn't always "get" all the fine details of Cyndi's latest obsession. TikTok trends were an example of this. Cyndi got into a phase of TikTok and never should have told Roxy about "The one chip challenge." Luckily, Roxy only had some bad diarrhea. Thankfully, Tom or Mia usually caught Roxy before she did something really stupid. Dexter was used to laughing as Mia told him about Cyndi's latest and greatest but when the topic of a girl's night out came up he did not laugh. "Mia I'm not sure if you're asking me if you can go or just telling me about it but it's a hard no." Mia was taken aback, Dexter had hard lines, but she hadn't been near one in a while. "Dex, what do you mean, hard no? Cyndi said that this could be good for a marriage. I also don't like you saying hard no, you can't order me around." "Mia, when we got married, we committed to one another. That means we have a veto over the other person. In my mind, it means that each person should know what would be a veto thing to the other and therefore not do it in the first place, or in other words, use a self-veto. Let me give you a real-world example. 3 weeks ago, all of the guys were going to the stripper bar after work because Davis was getting married. I didn't think you would like me to go to a stripper bar. I also didn't think it was appropriate for me to go. I imposed a veto on myself and told them I wasn't going. I gave Tony $50 bucks to buy a round on me, and I came home. Maybe you would have said yes, maybe you wouldn't care but I don't think it is appropriate behavior for me, your husband. If I had of wanted to go and asked you and you said no, I would not have gone and respected your veto." Mia spent some time digesting Dexter's words. Part of the reason they had such a good marriage is because they talked things out. Mia also remembered a few times when Cyndi's schemes had almost cost them money before Dexter pointed out the flaws. "Dex I wasn't sure if I was going to ask you if I could go along, but now I don't have to. I am not going but I am interested to see if what Cyndi think's it will achieve will actually happen." "Mia I love you more than anything, and I'm glad you aren't going to go with Cyndi and Roxy. I would also be interested to hear about whether or not it pans out like Cyndi thinks." Dexter never wanted to close the door on communication. Moreover, he knew he had been kind of harsh and didn't want Mia to think him as a bully. He was not changing his mind however, about the Girls' Night. Dexter was also taking nothing for granted and was going to talk to Chet and Tom as soon as possible. Three days later while they were eating supper, Mia told Dexter about Cyndi and Roxy's Girls' Night the night before. Mia was pretty excited. "Umm, Dex; Cyndi and Roxy went out last night, Thursday's is lady's night at Maxi's. They told me it was great." Dexter pondered for a moment, something about Maxi's was out there that he couldn't remember. Then it came to him. "Isn't Maxi's like a pickup bar?" "I'm not sure about that, but it is the happ'n place to be in this town. Cyndi said that Chet didn't know what hit him when she got home. Roxy said that Tom liked how rejuvenated she was. So far, this seems to be working like they said." Mia knew better than to push any harder about the Girls' Night and going with her friends. She definitely wanted to go with them, but Dexter said no, and it wasn't worth a big fight. The following Wednesday Dexter met up with Chet and Tom for a beer. After beers were ordered, Dexter got to the point. "Thanks for coming, Chet and Tom. I really appreciate you coming out to speak with me. I was wondering about your wives and them going out together once a month." Chet laughed, "Yes, the good'ole girl's night out. Cyndi's latest thing. What would you like to know?" "It seems your wives have been telling my wife Mia about how great it is. Specifically, that it has made a difference in the bedroom." Now Tom laughed, "That's a laugh, Roxy came home the first time all hot and bothered and wanted to get it on. She was all worked up. I said No thanks. I told her that I had no interest in being the vicarious recipient of her lust for other guys. She wasn't happy about that, and tried to deny it. I told her that once she was truly excited for me, lusting for me, then I would be available. She was shocked that I turned her down for sex. The girls went out on Thursday, and by Saturday, she was all over me, once the kid went to bed. Sure, it was great, but I think there was some left-over lust from Thursday that reduced it from awesome." Chet had taken a different approach, "That's a good idea, but it's not what I did. Instead, on the Wednesday night before, I took Cyndi to bed right after supper and gave her my best. By the time we fell asleep, I was worn out. When she came home the next night from her Girls' Night, I pretended to be asleep; so any amorous intentions she might have had, didn't get fulfilled." Dexter tried to match up what the husbands said, with what their wives told Mia. Then Chet continued, "What about you Dex? Why isn't Mia going with our wives to the Girls' Night?" "I told her no. I told her that we had veto rights over the other's actions, and I didn't want her to go. I told her I saw no benefit, only a downside." Tom was impressed, "That's what I should have done. Sorry Chet, but Cyndi tends to lead Roxy down the garden path. Anyways it made me sit down with Roxy and have a serious conversation about fidelity; and that if she did anything that didn't pass the husband test we're done. What did Mia specifically say they told her?" "She said that your wife was rejuvenated by the experience; and that Chet didn't know what hit him." Chet laughed louder, "I think that Cyndi got that confused; she said that to me, after I wore her out on Wednesday. She said, What got into you? I don't know what hit me.' She liked our Wednesdays before her Girls' Night, at least that's what she told me. So, I guess in a way it is good for us, but frankly I've never complained about the sex with Cyndi, anyways." Tom looked confused, "Rejuvenated, is not the word I would use, but it sort of works. Roxy, before this Girls' Night thing wasn't initiating very much, but now she did. Not that she turned me down very often, when I initiated. But you know, it's nice when they come after you for a change." Dexter was feeling much better about things after he left the bar. Chet and Tom seemed to have things well-in-hand. Mia said nothing about the Girls' Night for the next couple of months, but her friends wouldn't let it go, that she wasn't coming. Cyndi especially wanted to get Mia to come. Cyndi had discovered something called the hotwife lifestyle that she wanted to couple with the Girls' Night. She called Mia and invited her out for coffee on the Monday before the women were having another Thursday Girls' Night. Cyndi was already seated when Mia arrived. "Hi Cyndi, what's so important that we have to meet for coffee today?" "Oh, Mia! There's so much to tell you. But first I have to ask, can you remind me why don't you come to our girls' night out?" Mia was a little embarrassed about this. She had told Cyndi and Roxy she wasn't interested; she didn't want to tell them that Dexter said no. "I'm just not interested Cyndi; it's not my thing." "Come on, Mia! It's loads of fun. It makes a girl feel young and wanted, desired even." "Dex wants me, I'm certain he desires me, I don't need anyone else for that." "Come on Mia, you aren't even a little bit interested in seeing what happens? Maybe Roxy and I are doing things there, that have really spiced things up in the bedroom." Truthfully, Mia was very interested in being part of the Girls' Night. She tried to keep the eagerness under control, and out of her tone, "What kind of things have you two been doing?" "Oh, a few little things that might not pass the husband test. But don't worry; Chet's fully on board and is reaping the results." Mia was shocked. Chet was okay with this? "Sure, he is. It gets him right worked up that we're out flirting and things. He especially likes it when I come home and give him the details." If Mia had a fault, it was being too trusting. If Cyndi was telling her this, it must be true. This just made Mia want to go to the next Girls' Night, all the more. "Wow, well, I can talk to Dex about it. I'll see what he thinks." Cyndi saw an opening and drove in the wedge, "What about what he thinks? Aren't you your own boss? Does he think he can order you around, and tell you what to do? I thought Dex was a good guy? Now you're telling me he's some kind of dinosaur. Next time we all get together, I'm going to have a talk with him." That was the last thing Mia wanted: Cyndi talking to Dex about this. She also didn't want Cyndi to think she was under Dexter's thumb. "Ok, I'm pretty sure I'm good to go with you guys; but I am going to run it by Dex." Cynthia held off talking about anything else. She figured she had pushed hard enough, for now. If Mia came on Thursday, she could tell her about the hot-wife thing, then. That night, after the kids went to bed, Mia and Dexter were on the sofa watching TV. Mia really wanted to go out to the Girls' Night on Thursday and decided she had better talk to Dex, sooner rather than later. "Dex, you know how we spoke about me going on a Girls' Night a while back? You told me about your veto, and I've been thinking about that. If the President uses the veto, the Senate and House can override it, but if that doesn't work then the congress can try again. I'm not interested in overriding your veto, but I would like to discuss it again." "Sure Mia, we can discuss it again. Good communication is one of the keys to a happy marriage. What has changed with Cyndi and Roxy, and their Girls' Night, which is going to convince me not to use my veto?" "Cyndi told me that She and Chet are really reaping the rewards of this, in the bedroom. She said he gets very worked up. Roxy told me that She and Tom are the same. This has really spiced things up for them." "Mia, are you telling me that you aren't enjoying our loving? I thought we kept it pretty exciting? It wasn't too long ago you told me it was spectacular. What sorts of things could happen on a Girls' Night, that we couldn't do together?" "Cyndi says that there is flirting and other things that they do when they are out that might not pass the husband test, but Chet and Tom are on board with it, and it is ramping things up in the bedroom." Dexter was stunned. Chet and Tom were good with that? No way. "Mia, there is no way that Chet and Tom are good with their wives fooling around on their Girls' Night." "No Dex it's true, Cyndi told me, and Roxy confirmed it." "Ok Mia, how about this then. We have a bet about this. I bet that Chet and Tom are not on board with their wives doing things with other men, that would not pass the husband test." Mia was sure that she could win this bet; she would make the wager, and then she could go out to the Girls' Night. "What kind of bet are we talking about, Dex? What would you want to bet, the loser does dishes for the week? Something like that?" "No Mia. I want weekly anal sex if I win, what do you want if you win?" Mia was flabbergasted. Dexter had never shown any interest in anal sex and the thought of it disgusted her. "I thought you weren't interested in that, Dex, has something changed?" "No change, but when you lose, I want you to remember this for a long time." Mia said nothing, but pulled out her phone and started texting. A flurry of texts later Mia was ready to respond. "Ok Dex, I think this is a sucker bet; but when you lose I get to go out to a Girls' Night with Cyndi and Roxy. I just texted with them, and you are definitely going to lose. You can back out if you like." Dexter shook hands with his wife to confirm the bet. Then Mia wanted to show him the texts. "We can settle this right now, Dex, look at my phone you can read the texts." "No thanks, we will settle this thing properly. Your friends might be bending the truth." "Cyndi said you would say that. She also said that Chet is embarrassed and doesn't want to talk about it. If you ask him, she said he would deny everything to protect his ego." "That Cyndithia sure knows everything. I guess we will just have to independently confirm what she says." "If we can't call Chet because he won't give us a straight answer, what do you propose Dex?" "I'll tell you Thursday Mia. Don't look so glum. I know you want to go on this Girls' Night, but you can certainly wait at least another week. If it's such an easy bet like you think, your friends would probably do it again next week." Tuesday and Wednesday dragged slowly for Mia. Dexter not so much. He was counting on ego's to prove him right. Perhaps it should be said; he was betting on egos to prove him right. There was just no way that Chet and Tom would change their minds. Fantasies are one thing, but what guy would actually want their wife to come home all revved up from being with someone else? This whole Girls' Night thing was like letting a serpent into the garden. On Thursday, Mia came home from work to find Dexter already home. "Hi, are you ready to go out on a date, my love?" "Ah, sure, Dex. Where are we going? and where are the kids?" "Your parents have the kids, and we are going out to supper and then to a club. You need to put on these new work clothes I bought you and put this wig on." Dex had gone to the local college and borrowed really good wigs. Mia took her wig, she was brunette, tonight she would be a blonde. Dex the blonde was going to have black hair and a moustache. They both would wear glasses. Mia figured they were playing dress up for a reason, she just couldn't figure out why. "To settle our bet, we are going to first go out for supper like two businesspeople away from home, and then we are going for a drink at Maxi's. While there, we are going to see what your friends get up to, on their Girls' Night. Phone, please." Mia watched Dexter put her phone in his suit jacket pocket. He put his own in the pocket on the other side. Mia believed that this idea seemed reasonable. Dex would see with his own eyes, what Cyndi and Roxy were up to, and she could go next time, simple as that. It was also kind of fun dressing up in a disguise. The wigs were good quality, and when Mia looked in the mirror with the glasses, she indeed looked like a businesswoman. Dex certainly looked like a businessman too; one that Cyndi and Roxy were unlikely to recognize. Dinner was great. Mia was enjoying her date with Dex. She reflected on the whole Girls' Night thing. What was the big deal? She had such a good time with Dex, isn't that why you get married? Girls' Night is for single women looking to meet someone, not married ones looking to have a happy life. It is one thing to go out once or twice a year with your gal pals to a concert or a birthday party, but every month or every few weeks, this seemed counterproductive. That was time spent away from the person you supposedly wanted to spend your life with. This said, Mia was definitely wondering what Cyndi and Roxy would be up to at Maxi's. Dexter and Mia arrived at Maxi's at 9 pm. It was fairly busy, being ladies' night with cheap drinks for the women. There were plenty of guys there, too; as could be expected. Dexter found them a nice table with a good view, but somewhat out of the way. They had been there only a few minutes when Cyndi and Roxy arrived. After getting drinks, the two women found a table in a main traffic zone. They both were dressed to impress but not slutty. After an hour, Mia was starting to get worried about who was the sucker in this bet. Cyndi and Roxy had been up to dance together and with only a couple of guys. Nothing even remotely risqué had happened. No one bought them drinks, no one sat down with them. They didn't go sit with anyone else. Dexter noticed Cyndi dancing with a very good-looking blonde guy. He never asked her again and soon zeroed in on a very big-chested blonde woman. Dex watched them leave together at 10:45. At 11 pm, Dexter went to the bar to get them a drink as the bartender looked momentarily not busy. "A draft and a white wine, please?" "Sure, coming right up." It was a quick order, Dexter paid and then decided to ask a question. he pointed to Cyndi and Roxy, "Those two in the green and blue dresses, are they regulars?" "I guess you could call them that, but I would call them cock teases." "What do you mean?" "Oh, they are a couple of married women on the prowl; to get amped up for their husbands, but that's it. You look like you're here on business and if you want to hook up with some married slut that are the real deal, try that one over there." The bartender pointed to a solitary woman just coming back from the washroom. She had on a slutty Little black dress, and Dex had noticed she received plenty of attention. Motioning back to Cyndi and Roxy. "So, is that why those two aren't getting the same amount of attention as the one you pointed out, in the black dress?" "Absolutely!, The regulars here know they are wasting their time and effort, so ignore them, it's only the new guys who give them a try but soon learn." The bartender got busy, and Dexter went back to Mia. He didn't share this new information with Mia, let her stew. At 11:45 Roxy and Cyndi looked like they might be getting ready to go so Dexter pulled out Mia's phone. He pulled his chair in closer to Mia and asked her to text Cyndi about how the night was going. Hey Cyndi! How's the night out?" Amazing! Tell me more. Met some great guys! Really? What were they like? Are you still with them? What are you doing? Roxy's still with one now. What! Yes, she's making out with this gorgeous Black guy. Dexter looked at Mia, Mia looked at Roxy, who was sitting at the table watching Cyndi text. Dexter then looked around. "Do you think Cyndi is pretending Roxy is with that Black guy over there? The one kissing what looks to be his girlfriend or wife?" Mia looked over at the couple that had arrived about half an hour ago. They had been all over one another since they arrived. Neither Cyndi nor Roxy had danced with him or even been close to him. Mia wondered what it would feel like for Dex to put his hard cock in her ass. Dexter then turned the phone to him and texted Cyndi, What about you? I might have gone out to the parking lot with this hunky blonde guy. No way! Way! What happened? Let's just say, I better use mouthwash before I kiss Chet tonight. Dexter laughed. "Sounds like she is dreaming that the blonde hunk left with her,  instead of the girl with all the cleavage." Mia swallowed hard, She could not believe her friend was lying to her. She did not want Dex in her ass at all! This couldn't be happening. Then Dexter shook her out of her revelry. "Should I forward these messages to my phone and then pass them on to Tom and Chet?" "No, don't do that, Dex." "But the bet was that they were alright with what their wives were doing?" "You win Dex, let them have their fantasy, getting them in trouble with their husbands; isn't going to save my ass." Dexter was smiling the whole way out of the bar. Once they were back in the car, he handed Mia her phone. Mia immediately began texting and mumbling at the same time. Dexter caught some of the mumbles, 'assholes' 'bitches' Mia was not happy. Mia was even more unhappy when Dexter stopped at the 24-hour pharmacy on the way home. "Why are you stopping, Dex?" "I have a bet to collect on, and no time like the present. Get an enema kit; and make sure you get lots of good lube. I read that you need plenty of lube. Also, get some condoms, it's pretty gross down there. " Mia grabbed her purse and left the car. She looked like a convict headed for execution as she entered the store. Mia returned in only a few minutes with a little bag. Nothing more was said on the way home. There was plenty of thinking going on. Mia couldn't believe how her friends had lied to her. They knew she had bet her ass, and they still lied to her! She couldn't believe their bullshit about the Girls' Night. Dex was so right about the veto, and what was appropriate in a marriage. The worst of it was that she didn't even really care about the Girls' Night, it was just her friends pushing her, that made her feel so stupid. Now Mia was wondering if she could talk Dex out of reaming her ass. Dex didn't even like it! Maybe she could do something else to pay the debt? Dexter was also thinking. He was hoping Mia had learned her lesson and wouldn't endanger their marriage again. Dex really hoped she would get rid of her stupid friends; Cyndi and Roxy. However, this would probably blow over eventually, and they would be friends again. Then there was the bet. He didn't have any interest in putting his smearing cock around  in Mia's feces; but that was the bet. Mia certainly had not done anything disrespectful or cheated on him. Yet there was plenty of potential for trouble. He just didn't want anything like this to happen again. They arrived home with Mia carrying her pharmacy bag, like it was going to explode. Dexter wanted to take advantage of the kids being gone, the date had been fun, and he was horny. "Mia, why don't you go get ready, in the bedroom. I'll be there shortly." Mia thought about saying something, but a bet is a bet, and she walked to their bedroom, like it was the gallows. Dexter wanted to let her stew, so he checked the sports scores, answered some emails, and somehow burned up ten minutes. Then he went to their bedroom. Mia was naked and got up on all fours, on their bed. He asshole was glistening with lube. She was looking back at the door with a look that could only be described as pleading. Dexter entered the room and began undressing. "Mia, do you understand how much I don't ever want to share you?" "Yes, Dex, I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong idea. I just want you, and only you." "Mia, do you understand how much I love you?" "Yes, Dex, I know you love me more than I deserve, or can imagine." "That's good Mia because I can't even describe how much I love you." Dexter was now naked, and his cock was hard as an iron bar. He picked up a condom package. "Mia, what do you think of Roxy and Cyndi right now?" "I'm so pissed at them right now, that I never want to talk to them again. They just suggest stupid things all the time, like this Girls' Night and that crazy Ponzi scheme, a few years ago. They even do stupid things like that Tiktok challenge. I don't care if I ever see them again." Dexter wasn't so sure about that, as he rolled the condom on his cock never taking his eyes off Mia. Mia was starting to look like she was going to cry. Dexter came in close behind Mia, and she couldn't look anymore. She just put her head down, closed her eyes, and gritted her teeth. Dexter slowly ran his cock down her ass crack from the top until he was lined up with her rosebud. He began to rub her asshole in little circles with the tip of his cock. "Mia, are you ready?" "No, Dex, please be gentle. I know a bet is a bet, but I really don't want this. Please use more lube. Go slow, please." Dexter made a big show of getting the lube and squirting down her crack. He also made sure to lube up his condom. It was at this point that Dexter smelled his wife's arousal. He looked and her pussy was glistening just like her asshole. "Mia, is this turning you on?" "No, well yes, ah no. I had a great night with you, Dex and the kids are away, and that usually means great sex. So, I am excited but not about the anal." Dexter almost laughed, Mia was so worked up about the anal sex, she was sweating and almost hyperventilating. At the same time, she had a great night and wanted him. Time for one more question, "Mia who's the sucker?" "I ah, ugh, ah." Dexter had pulled off the condom and plunged into Mia's aroused cunt. "I am the sucker, Dex. Please, this feels great, but don't torture me any longer, please just get the anal over with." "Mia I'm not putting my cock in there. I think the point has been made without smearing your poop on my cock.  Your cunt is far sexier and feels so right for my cock. You accepted your loss of the bet, let's not have to do that again." "Oh, Dex, you are too good to me. I'm not going to even think of doing anything that might get vetoed, ever again. I'm sorry it got this far, please forgive me?" "Oh, course I forgive you, Mia, however, you really should stay away from those two. They are nothing but trouble." "I hope I never see those bitches again! Some friends they are! Let's forget about them and enjoy each other." "Mia, I love you." "I love you, too Dexter." 3 Months Later. Mia and Dexter were doing very well, but Mia was missing her friends. Cyndi and Roxy were also missing Mia. Their husbands had asked Dexter about why the three women weren't friends anymore, and Dexter had filled them in. Both women were on a very short leash after that. No more Girls' Night for them! Chet was particularly disappointed in Cythia for trying to mislead Mia and hurt her marriage. However, Chet and Tom were enjoying all the extra attention they were receiving from their wives in the bedroom. Tom especially, was loving the blow job festival Roxy was having for him. Yet the two women were upset about what had happened with Mia, and they missed their friend. Good people can do without a bad friend, but bad people do miss the good friend they offended. The husbands knew that there had to be some closure to what happened, so when Chet came up with a plan. Tom and Dexter readily agreed. They would have a BBQ get-together on the following Saturday, at Chet and Cynthia's house. The husbands informed the women about it on Wednesday. "Mia, I know that Cyndi and Roxy really burned you, bad. But you've been friends with them forever, and I think you need more closure than a handful of hate texts." Mia was missing her friends. They had been friends for a very long time. It left a void in Mia's life, and Dexter didn't want the burden of making up for the other voids in her well-balanced life. The way things ended was unfinished, and she did want to speak to them. Yet, she also didn't want to bring it up with Dexter. Now that Dex was bringing it up, Mia was happy to talk about it. "I do miss them, even after what they did, I would like to have some closure with them." "We husbands have organized a BBQ for Saturday. The women don't have to do anything, we are taking care of it. At the appropriate time, we will then sit down and sort out the Girls' Night fiasco." "Thanks for this, Dex. You really are too good to me." "And you are good to me, Mia, let's keep that going." The time before Saturday dragged for Mia, Cynthia, and Roxy. When Dex and Mia arrived at Chet and Cyndi's house, Tom and Roxy were already there. It was awkward for a while, but eventually, with the beers flowing, things lightened up. It was almost like old times. As agreed, no one spoke about the elephant in the room. After supper, Mia was talking with Dexter when she noticed that everyone else was missing from the backyard. "Mia, it's time to get this mess sorted out. You are to go into the living room and listen to what Tom tells you." Mia thought this all was pretty odd. She slowly entered the house, as Dexter sat down on the patio and drank his beer. She was shocked to see Tom standing, and Roxy kneeling over on all fours in the middle of the living room. The nice skirt that she had been wearing was flipped up over her back, and she had no panties on. Mia was shocked, but Tom's voice brought her out of it, "Ok, Mia, here's your chance to settle the score. These two cost you your ass so now you get theirs." Tom held up a strap-on dildo with a harness. "Already for you." Roxy was looking back at Mia and didn't like the smirk she saw. "Wait a minute Tom, I'm sure Roxy told me she likes anal so what is the revenge in me doing her ass?" Tom then held up a paddle, "We thought you might say that, so how about some whacks with this?" Roxy groaned. She knew about the strap-on and was looking forward to getting punished and maybe getting her friend back. This, however did not look like fun. She started to squirm, and Tom put his hand on her shoulder. "Don't even think of moving Roxy, you're going to take what Mia gives you without complaint." Mia stepped forward and took the paddle from Tom's hand. She smiled as she felt the weight of it. She thought about Dex making a big show about getting ready to do her, so she slowly slid the paddle from the top of Roxy's ass to the bottom. She didn't know how much it would hurt, so she didn't swing very hard. Smack! Tom didn't even feel or see Roxy move, "Come on, Mia, no love taps, make it count." Smack! Mia really let Roxy have it, and to her credit, Roxy didn't move or make a noise, but she did feel tears starting to form in her eyes. Mia gave her five more whacks on the ass. Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Roxy let out a whimper, and the tears were flowing freely. Mia looked at Tom. "How about four more for an even 10?" Mia smiled and slowly slid the paddle down Roxy's ass again. Then she gave Roxy four more. Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Roxy collapsed, curled up in a fetal form, in the middle of the living room. Mia had worked up a bit of a sweat. Roxy was sweating and crying profusely. Mia was kind of stunned that she had done it, but the silence was broken again by Tom, "Roxy; are you sorry for misleading Mia, and costing her ass?" "Yes, please, no more. Sorry Mia, we were stupid, Girls' Night is stupid, please forgive me, I miss you?" The whole thing was surreal to Mia, but she helped Roxy up and gave her a hug. "Yes, I forgive you, Roxy, let's just try and forget this ever happened." Roxy was rubbing her sore ass gently; Mia was thinking that she really got off easy with Dex, but Roxy didn't have to know that. "Thank you, Mia, I really am sorry." Tom then handed Mia the strap-on. "Mia, now it's Cyndi's turn. Cyndi doesn't like anal. Please put this on before you go upstairs to their bedroom. You don't have to use it, but Chet would appreciate it if you were wearing it when you entered the room." Mia looked at Tom, Roxy, and the strap-on. She put the harness on over her shorts, and put the dildo in place. She thought it looked quite funny on her; fake phallus bobbing as she walked up the stairs. When she entered the bedroom, Cynthia did not think it looked funny. Cyndi was knelt at the base of the bed, her bare ass sticking up, and holding a pillow in her arms. "No, Chet, Mia! You can't be serious; please let it be something else!" Chet gave his wife a light slap on her ass; "Come on, Cyndi! Stay bent over, get that ass up, I told you to get ready. You knew what was coming. Do you want Mia to do it with no lube?" "No! Please no." and Cyndi grabbed the tube of lube. She squirted some on her hand, then reached between her legs and found her rosebud. She worked it in and arounf, her hand trembling as she completed the prep. As Cynthia frantically prepped her virgin bottom, Chet held up a paddle out of her view. Chet looked at Mia and pointed at the strap-on and then the paddle. Mia held out her hand to take the paddle. Cyndi was now bent over on all fours with her head down biting into the pillow. She was mumbling "please no" over and over again. Mia stepped up and tapped the dildo on her friends butt. "So, Cyndi, was it worth it telling me those stories about your girls' night out? I bet Chet really liked hearing about you using mouthwash after going out to the parking lot with lusty men?" "No, it was all just make-believe to spice it up. No one did anything wrong, it was just a little fantasy." Mia looked at Chet. Chet was not looking happy. "Not much of a joke to me, Cyndi,” Chet barked.  “Telling your friend I was a cuck. I hope she really pounds your ass." You endangered our marriage and humiliated me. But that wasn't enough, was it? You had to destroy the trust in two other marriages. How can you deserve to have girlfriends, if you disregard their marriages?” Cyndi started to shake, "No! please, please! I was so pathetic. I have no excuse. But still, Please! I'm begging don't put that thing in my ass. I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything by it, I'm sorry, please." Mia slowly traced Cyndi's rosebud with the dildo as Cynthia started to cry. "Cyndi, you could have really fucked up my marriage! That would have been a thousand times worse than letting Dex do my ass, or you getting this hard rod up your ass. You're lucky I've had 3 months to cool off. Otherwise I'd have used a much fatter and longer dildo." "I know Mia, I know. Chet reminds me every day of my fuck up. Please, I'm so sorry, I'll never do anything like that again." I've changed! I have to change. I love my husband, and I love our friendship, Mia.  I'm so, so sorry!” "Well Cyndi, you have to pay for almost ruining my life." Smack! "Oh! shit! fuck! what was that?" "That was a paddle hitting your ass, would you prefer the dildo?" "No, please don't use that dildo! Please use the paddle." Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! These were harder blows than Roxy received. Cynthia was the instigator, and deserving on more severe corrections. Cyndi was now sobbing; she wasn't sure how much it was out of relief for not getting the dildo in her ass; and how much was the pain of the paddle. Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Mia was getting a real charge out of spanking her friend. Her own panties were soaked. She never realized she might be into this. She was just taking a little rest when Chet spoke up again. "So, Cyndi, are you going to try any other new things to ruin anyone's marriage?" "No, Chet. I'm not doing that anymore, I'm happy with the way things are. No more new things." Chet then nodded at Mia, "I don't know Cyndi? Mia better give you a few more reminders." Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Now Cynthia was sobbing uncontrollably from the pain in her ass. She was praying it would be over soon. Nothing had ever hurt so much in her life. When Mia stopped again, the sobbing woman hoped it was over. "Mia, I'm sorry, please forgive me." Mia decided that she had had enough and put the paddle down. "Ok, Cyndi, I forgive you, but just remember if you ever do anything like this again, I will take Chet's advice, and use this dildo on you." And with that, Mia tapped Cynthia's ass with the dildo. Mia then took off the harness and left the room. There was no one in the living room, so she went back outside. Dexter was sitting alone; Mia figured that Roxy and Tom had already left. "Are you feeling better, Mia?" "Yes, Dex; I am, I think they learned their lesson. Can I see them again now?" "Yes, Mia, just no more stupid stuff at all." "Of course, Dex; no more. Cyndi said she's done with that, and Chet will hold her to it." "Good, I'm glad to hear it." "Ah, Dex, can we go home now? I really need you inside me?" Dexter concurred, but was surprised that his lovely wife got aroused by the spankings. He would never figure out women, but it didn't matter he was fairly certain his wife was not going to do anything stupid again, to endanger their marriage. Regardless, he would stay vigilant and keep the communication lines open. Yet for tonight, she was horny. And he was getting lucky. He couldn't complain about that. Based on a post by Farmer Jill, for Literotica.

Does your wife stiffen each time you touch her? Does she pull away each time you reach out? Are you tired of feeling physically rejected? If you answered yes then this episode is a must listen. In it, I'll cover the causes for this pattern and marriage advice that will solve it. Be sure to listen to it with your wife to see if she would make any edits. 

Garth Heckman The David Alliance TDAgiantSlayer@Gmail.com        Matthew 14:22 Immediately after this, Jesus insisted that his disciples get back into the boat and cross to the other side of the lake, while he sent the people home. 23 After sending them home, he went up into the hills by himself to pray. Night fell while he was there alone. 24 Meanwhile, the disciples were in trouble far away from land, for a strong wind had risen, and they were fighting heavy waves. 25 About three o'clock in the morning Jesus came toward them, walking on the water. 26 When the disciples saw him walking on the water, they were terrified. In their fear, they cried out, “It's a ghost!” 27 But Jesus spoke to them at once. “Don't be afraid,” he said. “Take courage. I am here!” 28 Then Peter called to him, “Lord, if it's really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water.” 29 “Yes, come,” Jesus said. So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. “Save me, Lord!” he shouted. 31 Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. “You have so little faith,” Jesus said. “Why did you doubt me?” 32 When they climbed back into the boat, the wind stopped. 33 Then the disciples worshiped him. “You really are the Son of God!” they exclaimed.     The power was in the word from God… not in Peter, or his hopes or aspirations, NOT EVEN HIS OWN PERSONAL BELIEF… it was in the word of God.      Peter understood authority and submission to it.  Peter is saying, if you command it, I will submit to your authority and follow your words.      **But Peter didn't just walk out of the boat, he didn't just take anyones word… he said “Jesus if it is you command me”.  Look, there are waves, wind, spray, its night time, maybe one lantern, shadows everywhere… who is this? A ghost? A shadow? A demon? A…a…a… is it Jesus.  Before you jump ship - make sure you are following Jesus - and following his command.      The Goal was Intimacy, not Magic Notice the full phrase: "Command me to come to You."    The original phrase in the greek is “if it is you Command me to come to you” - he did not ask to walk on the water, he did not say Jesus I want to walk on the water… he knew safety was with Jesus!      Peter didn't want to walk on water for the sake of a thrill; he wanted to walk on water because that was the only way to get closer to Jesus. The miracle was just the method of transport; Jesus was the destination.

As the year comes to a close, most couples rush straight into what's next… without ever pausing to honour what they've lived through together.In this episode of Reignite: Love, Sex & Truth for Conscious Couples (formerly known as Get Your Sexy Back for Couples), we invite you into a simple, powerful end-of-year ritual designed to help you slow down, feel, and consciously close one chapter before opening another.This isn't about resolutions or fixing anything.It's about reflection, compassion, emotional honesty, and intentionally choosing how you want to move forward, individually and as a couple. This episode is a gentle invitation to reconnect, soften, and reignite your bond as you step into the new year together. What You'll Hear in This EpisodeWhy rushing into the new year without reflection keeps couples stuck carrying unprocessed emotions forward.How conscious reflection helps you honour who you've become without judgment, blame, or self-criticism.What is the importance of celebration, and why does acknowledging what you've survived and grown through fuel intimacy and alivenessHow to release old patterns, resentments, and beliefs with compassion rather than force.Why focusing on how you want to feel creates a deeper connection than setting rigid goals or resolutions.How turning reflection into a ritual strengthens devotion, safety, and emotional intimacy in long-term relationships. This end-of-year ritual isn't about doing more…It's about being more present with what already is — and choosing each other with intention as you step into what's next. ✨ Save your spot for our upcoming February Couples Retreat: A sacred, guided experience for five couples ready to reconnect, heal, and reignite. Reserve your retreat spot here:

In this episode, the focus is on clergy abuse—a topic made even more pressing by recent headlines. The featured guest, Sandy Phillips Kirkham, shares her harrowing ordeal of being abused by a charismatic youth pastor starting at the age of 16. Sandy discusses the grooming process, the five years of abuse, and how she was ultimately expelled from her church while her abuser was merely relocated. She delves into the long-lasting impact of the abuse on her life and her spiritual journey, how she concealed her trauma for 27 years, and how she ultimately confronted her abuser. Sandy also provides valuable insights and actionable advice for preventing abuse and supporting victims within church communities. Her story is also detailed in her book, ‘Let Me Prey on You,' which offers a detailed account of her journey from victim to advocate. 00:00 Introduction and Sponsor Message 00:47 Welcome to the Podcast 01:32 Introducing Today's Topic: Clergy Abuse 02:17 Sandy Phillips Kirkham's Early Life and Church Involvement 06:22 Meeting the Abuser: The Charismatic Youth Pastor 08:43 Red Flags and Grooming Tactics 13:51 The First Inappropriate Act 16:37 The Abuse Escalates 21:06 The Aftermath and Church's Response 28:15 Life After Abuse: Marriage and Keeping Secrets 32:09 Protecting Future Generations 35:17 The Importance of Sex Education in the Church 36:32 Techniques for Discussing Sex with Children 37:22 Personal Experiences with Sex Education 38:20 Triggering Memories and Emotional Breakdown 40:13 The Journey of Healing Begins 41:31 Understanding Clergy Abuse and Self-Forgiveness 43:52 Confronting the Abuser 47:07 Challenges in Seeking Justice 54:47 Preventing Abuse in the Church 01:00:31 Supporting Victims of Clergy Abuse 01:05:07 Final Thoughts and Resources Sandy Kirkham and her husband Bill enjoy life with their two grown children, two beautiful granddaughters, and two fairly well-behaved dogs. Sandy continues to use her voice to help victims of clergy abuse. She currently serves on the board of Council Against Child Abuse. Sandy has spoken before the Ohio Senate, a Maryland court, and appeared on a local television show in Boston. Her story, “Stolen Innocence,” was told in a documentary produced by The Hope of Survivors. Sandy works with survivors conducting victim support conferences. She has participated in The Voice of the Faithful (VOTF) panels moderated by SNAP (Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests), sharing her perspective from the non-Catholic point of view. Sandy has been a presenter/speaker at major events on clergy abuse including the Hope & Healing Conference. Sandy has earned a certificate of completion from the Faith Trust Institute entitled, “A Sacred Trust: Boundary Issues for Clergy and Spiritual Teachers.” https://sandyphillipskirkham.com/ https://www.facebook.com/KirkhamAuthor/  sandykirkhamauthor@gmail.com  Purchase her book “Let Me Prey Upon You” on amazon: https://sandyphillipskirkham.com/shop/let-me-prey-upon-you/   Link Tree   Website: https://dswministries.org Subscribe to the podcast: https://dswministries.org/subscribe-to-podcast/ Social media links: Join our Private Wounds of the Faithful FB Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1603903730020136 Twitter: https://twitter.com/DswMinistries YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxgIpWVQCmjqog0PMK4khDw/playlists Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dswministries/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DSW-Ministries-230135337033879 Keep in touch with me! Email subscribe to get my handpicked list of the best resources for abuse survivors! https://thoughtful-composer-4268.ck.page #abuse #trauma Affiliate links: Our Sponsor: 753 Academy: https://www.753academy.com/ Can't travel to The Holy Land right now? The next best thing is Walking The Bible Lands! Get a free video sample of the Bible lands here! https://www.walkingthebiblelands.com/a/18410/hN8u6LQP An easy way to help my ministry: https://dswministries.org/product/buy-me-a-cup-of-tea/ A donation link: https://dswministries.org/donate/   Sandy Phillips Kirkham [00:00:00] Special thanks to 7 5 3 Academy for sponsoring this episode. No matter where you are in your fitness and health journey, they've got you covered. They specialize in helping you exceed your health and fitness goals, whether that is losing body fat, gaining muscle, or nutritional coaching to match your fitness levels. They do it all with a written guarantee for results so you don't waste time and money on a program that doesn't exceed your goals. There are martial arts programs. Specialize in anti-bullying programs for kids to combat proven Filipino martial arts. They take a holistic, fun, and innovative approach that simply works. Sign up for your free class now. It's 7 5 3 academy.com. Find the link in the show notes. Welcome to the Wounds of the Faithful Podcast, brought to you by DSW Ministries. Your host is singer songwriter, speaker and domestic violence advocate, [00:01:00] Diana Winkler. She is passionate about helping survivors in the church heal from domestic violence and abuse and trauma. This podcast is not a substitute for professional counseling or qualified medical help. Now here is Diana. Hello. Welcome everyone. Welcome to my regular listeners, as well as some new listeners that have joined us today. I have a great guest for you today. We're going to be talking about clergy abuse today. Religious leader, abuse. Pastor, youth leader. You've seen this in the news recently with all these preachers being arrested or charged with sexual misconduct or rape or [00:02:00] pedophilia. I'm sure you've seen the news. Well, today we're going to hear a story about a woman who's been victimized in that way and she's fighting back. So let me read her bio for you. A church is where an insecure 16-year-old girl should feel welcome, happy, and most importantly, safe tragically. For some, the church can become a place of great harm. Sandy Phillips Kirkham details her account of how charismatic youth minister preyed upon her, a betrayal which left her broken with a shattered faith and the ultimate shame of being blamed enforced from the church she loved. Despite a successful and happy life, is a wife, mother, and friend. Sandy successfully concealed her abuse for [00:03:00] 27 years until a trigger forced her to face the truth. Sandy's story will take you on her journey of healing. Her strength and courage will inspire you. Let me pray upon you her book details. Sandy's journey from innocent 16-year-old, a victim to a survivor, and advocate. We please welcome Sandy Phillips. Kirk, welcome Sandy to the show. Thanks so much for coming on. Well, thank you for having me. I'm glad to be here. Wow. So I've been listening to you on the Preacher Boys podcast and thought you had a really great story, and so I wanted to come and bring you on so my listeners can hear your story as well. Mm-hmm. So tell us a little bit about your home and your church environment growing up. Let's [00:04:00] start from the beginning here. Okay. I'm the oldest of five. My parents were divorced when I was about seven, which that was really the impact of my life, of just how it altered everything about that time in my life. Then my mother remarried and we moved in with my stepfather shortly after my father remarried, and so I was dealing with these blended families and it was just very confusing for me at the time, my parents and stepfather did not attend church. So I, I wasn't a part of a church until I was about eight, and that's when my best friend who lived up the street invited me to go with their family, and I went with them and I went every Sunday after that, I absolutely fell in love with church. It was a place that I felt safe. I think it provided for me a place away from home that I felt comfortable and I got attention there. I was very active even as a small child. I went to vacation Bible school, church camp, love Sunday School. I sang in a junior choir. Really, it was a just a great place for me to [00:05:00] be. When I was 13, I was baptized and then my faith really deepened and my involvement in the church became even more so, started teaching Sunday school and teaching vacation Bible school. I started serving on committees with adults and doing more of the activities that would, , just be more in depth than just typical youth group activities. So, it's just no exaggeration to say that if the doors of the church were open, I was there and I loved it. I loved serving God. I felt that was the place for me, and everything about it was brought me joy and peace in the church. Wow. You really, were very sincere in your faith. It was not a fake one. I hear a lot of stories of. Being brought up in the church and being made to go to church and, you just go through the motions kind of thing. But it sounds like it was the opposite for you. It was that you really believed this with all your heart. Was that a fundamental Baptist church you were going [00:06:00] to or what? It was a church, Christ Christian Church, which is similar to the Baptist. It's an independent church. Yeah, that's the church. That was so something happened while you were serving the Lord and loving God. You met your abuser? Yes. Shortly after I turned 16, our church hired a new youth pastor, and from the moment he arrived, he was totally different than anyone we'd ever seen before. He was very charismatic, very dynamic. His sermons were really like nothing we'd ever heard before, and people were just drawn to him. He had a personality that people found themselves wanting to be around him. They wanted to please him. So he was very good at asking people to do things and they didn't hesitate. It, it was just a different kind of atmosphere. When he came to the church, the youth group exploded in numbers. We went from like 25 to almost 200 in a very short time. Even the [00:07:00] adult church was growing because people just came to hear him preach because he was so good at what he did. He was 30, married with two children, but he really acted more like our age group. He dressed like we did. He. Went to our football games at school, he knew our music. So he just, he really, he was tuned into us and in return we found ourselves, all of us being willing to please him and wanna do anything we could to make the youth group and the church better. So when people think of a profile of a child abuser, they usually think, oh, some dirty old man, that his roaming fingers or what have you, but this youth pastor sounded like, okay, he was really good looking and hip and really loved the young people. Mm-hmm. Is that typical of. Well, it's, it's typical in the sense that it's not the, dirty old man hiding in the bushes. Most abusers [00:08:00] are people we know. They're people that we like. They're usually people that, connect with people very well, and that's what makes them so dangerous because they're not obvious with what they do, and they're very good at that. They pretend to be one of us. They pretend to care, but in reality, their goal is to find a way to take advantage of the most vulnerable in, in the group. And so, predators are usually drawn to places where they will find vulnerable people. The gymnastics team is an example of that. The Boy Scouts, anywhere where you can, and certainly the church because we are welcoming into people who are in need. Oftentimes. Then there are many people in the church who are vulnerable to these types of men, and sometimes women. Were there any red flags? That you should have seen or noticed when you were around this youth pastor? Well, he came with so many different ideas and different ways of doing things. And one of the things that he was doing now, this was in the [00:09:00] seventies, so cultures were changing and it was free love and kind of thing. But he came into our church and he expected everyone to hug each other. So we were always hugging each other. And he also expected us to say how much we loved each other and that we love you and not just that I love you in Christ. He would simply walk up, give you a hug and say, I love you. Now you know, that may seem innocent, but that's a little odd for that pastor to be saying those kinds of things. And it also blurs the lines because when you say to someone, I love you, that can be confusing to. Young teenagers and even to vulnerable adults. So, but he did that with everybody. It wasn't like he picked someone else special, but, so the hugging in the contact was kind of a red flag in the beginning. But for me personally, I babysat for his family. His wife worked evenings. Mm-hmm. So one night after he came home, he asked me to go to his basement and listen to a song by Neil Diamond. [00:10:00] Well, it felt a little weird 'cause I'd never. I've been around a pastor that wanted to talk to me about anything but church in the Bible. But I went to the basement. Yeah. I mean a Neil Diamond song. So I went to the basement. I know, but that's a trigger factor for me sometimes. So anyway, I went to the basement and he put this record on and I sat down on the couch and instead of sitting in a chair or another place, he came on the couch and sat very close to me. And I remember feeling uncomfortable, but I didn't say anything. 'cause I thought, well, he is just sitting next to me. It's no big deal. But that's a red flag that I felt because it felt uncomfortable to me. And then the other times that I would babysit for him. His wife wouldn't come home till late in the evening, so he would come home around seven or eight and after the kids were in bed, instead of taking me home, he wanted me to sit and talk with him all evening. So we'd talk about the Bible or we'd talk about church, and sometimes he'd ask me what I thought of his [00:11:00] sermon, which at age 16, I'm flattered that this man has any idea that I would have some opinion about this great sermon that he just gave. So I didn't see anything wrong with that because he's my pastor. But had that occurred with my 30-year-old neighbor down the street, every time I went to babysit, I know I would've come home to my mother and said, okay, this is weird. Mm-hmm. Every time I babysit, this man wants to sit and talk to me all evening. I mean, what interest would I have as a teenager wanting to talk to this 30-year-old married man? But because my pastor was who he was and he tapped into our common connection of the church and God, and again, many times he would give me books to read 'cause he wanted me to get better in my deep, in my spirituality. So I didn't see anything wrong with it because of who he was. And so I just accepted that behavior, which is another tool and technique. They look for ways to get into you. Mm-hmm. [00:12:00] That don't seem obvious. And that was, so those were two red flags for me. Now as far as the congregation goes, I was in his office a lot by myself, but so were other kids, because he would actually call us into his office and say, I want you to come in and tell me what's going on in your life. Talk to me about your problems. Instead of us going to him, he would encourage us to come into his office. So while that probably wasn't a good thing, no one saw it as a bad thing. It seemed normal, but he called me into his office a lot more than the other kids. And later on there were people who did say to me, there were times when I wondered why he said something to you like that, or I noticed something one time. And so I think people notice some things, but no one thought enough of it to say, okay, there's something going on that doesn't seem right. So those were the red flags that I think in the beginning were very subtle. But they were hard to see, [00:13:00] and this is really important to distinguish these things because I was groomed by a guidance counselor in seventh grade. Mm-hmm. But he was one of those dirty old men that, he was doing creepy stuff. Yeah. But I never would have seen myself. A pastor and he's talking about spiritual things and he's talking about God and mm-hmm. He's not talking about sex. He's not watching, you're not watching dirty movies together. No, he's not, buying you sexy lingerie. It's, Hey, he's doing spiritual things. Mm-hmm. It's a setup. It's that grooming process you're talking about. It's pulling someone in to gain their trust, in a very di diabolical way, because he's using the church to do that. That's really scary. That scares mm-hmm. Scares me to death. What were the first times that he did something really inappropriate that you were just like, whoa? Well, the very [00:14:00] first time, was after a youth group meeting that was held in my home. I was the song leader. He put me in a leadership position, and it was very important to him that the evening always go well and that we were to make people feel welcome. And so at the end of the evening, I was nervous because I wanted to make sure that he thought everything went well. And he came up to me in my hallway and began telling me how great the evening was and how proud he was of me. And I was on Cloud nine. I was flattered that he felt that way. I felt good that the evening went so well. And then he just slowly bent down and he kissed me. And it wasn't, it was a kiss, but it seemed somewhat innocent to some extent. And I, I remember thinking, I think he just kissed me. Then my next thought was, well, he's my pastor and I don't think he would be doing anything he shouldn't be doing. And it was just a quick kiss. And he's always hugging people. And so maybe this is just his way of showing his appreciation for the evening. It was really [00:15:00] the only way in my 16-year-old mind that I could justify it because I couldn't think about this man doing anything he shouldn't be doing. And this was a person that everyone loved and thought so highly of, so how could I think he was doing something he shouldn't be doing? So I just let it go. I didn't think anything more about it. I mean, did you have any sex ed or anything? Did you know the birds and bees? Nine. Well, yeah, I'm 16. I did. Yeah, I did. But I wasn't, I hadn't dated much. I wasn't allowed to date till I was 16, so I hadn't had any dating experience. I had one kiss before this with a boy at camp. So I wasn't. Worldly or knowledgeable about all those things. But, and again, it was such a quick innocent type kiss. He didn't grab me, he didn't push me against the wall. I just, and again, I think for me it was okay if he's, if this is more than just a kiss, then what do I do with it? So therefore I'm just gonna say it's [00:16:00] nothing because I don't know what else to do. Um, wow. I let it go. I let it go. But as I babysat for him, he, sometimes when I would leave, he would kiss me and sometimes he wouldn't. So, I didn't see it as a con, kind of a continual thing that he was always wanting to kiss me. He always hugged me. But the kissing became more intense as it went along. So it, it would be another year, before he would have sex with me. And so that grooming process and kind of pushing the boundaries each time he was with me, finally ended with him having sex with me. Oh, wow. Now, some of us listening are like an adult having sex with a child or 16-year-old. Can you unpack that a little bit more, the process of how he got to that point? I mean, that the first time you had intercourse, I mean, did he, you know, go to a hotel with you and you had a candlelight dinner, or was it in the backseat of the car?[00:17:00] Was it an accident? It wasn't an accident. He was very deliberate and I had every intentions of having sex with me that night. I babysat, I was babysitting, I put the kids to bed, I walked down the steps. I assumed that we would go into the living room. Or the family room, sit on the couch and talk about the things we always talked about. But instead, he stopped me at the bottom of the stairs and he took me into the living room, and immediately put me on the floor and began undressing me. Um, and wow, I froze. I, I literally froze and I kept thinking to myself, he's going to stop. He's going to stop. And that the entire time he's whispering into my ear how much he loves me, that he would never hurt me, and that he can, I can trust him. And then he kept asking me, do you love me? Do you love me? And I, of course, I'm answering yes, because well, yes I do, because that's what I've told him for the past year. I, I, I just, I was so confused and what my real reaction was, I froze. Mm-hmm. Um, he, he sort of pushed my head under the [00:18:00] stereo. And so when he is starting to get farther than I thought he would ever go. I blocked, I just blocked it out and I started reading the serial numbers underneath the stereo. Oh my goodness. Just to be thinking of anything else. Um, at one point he then just picked me up and took me upstairs. He literally put me on the bed, penetrated me, and that was it. And I was horrified. I was absolutely horrified. I, I wanted to cry. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do. Um, he left the room, told me to get dressed, and he would take me home. And I remember sitting on the bed and I put the bedspread around me because I was so embarrassed that I didn't have my clothes on. Mm-hmm. Oh, wow. Um, and then I just remember thinking I just had sex. I'm no longer a virgin. I just had sex with this man and. He took me home. Now, in the [00:19:00] book, of course, I go into a little bit more detail, but Right, he took me home and just before I got outta the car, he said to me, now, you know, this is something between the two of us, you can't tell anyone. And of course I'm thinking, who would I tell? I, I don't want anybody to know. I just did this. So, that was the first time. And then I think I, at that point I kept thinking, you know, I've had sex with him. So now I'm committed to him again. I'm at this point, I'm 17 years old. I'm still like, what do I do with this? I don't, I don't know what to do with this. Um, and he was convincing me that he loved me. He was convincing me that he needed me in his ministry and that God, this was God's will in our lives. He threw that at me. Eventually he would say to me that we were married in God's eyes. I mean, twisting the scripture and using God as a reason that we should be together. And so. I started to accept that. There were a couple times I went to him and told him that I couldn't do this anymore. I felt [00:20:00] guilty. He would respond in one of two ways. One, he would say to me how much he needed me, how much he loved me, and that he couldn't live without me. So that was the guilt part of it. Or he would respond and by saying to me, you know, you're no longer a virgin. No one else is gonna want you. I'm the only one that knows how to love you, and you are committed to me, and this is gonna be the way it is. And I saw no way out. I didn't see a way out. And so the relationship continued for five years. Wow. Five years. It went on for five years. That is a long time. And it, during that time, he became more aggressive physically. Uh, he hit me. He became sexually more deviant. It just progressed. It got worse and worse. And to a point that I finally, I was, my self-esteem was so low. I hated myself for what I'd been doing. So I finally just accepted that this was my life. I knew [00:21:00] I'd never get married. I knew I'd never have children, and this wouldn't be over until he said it was over. This went on for five years and nobody in the church noticed it. Your parents didn't notice it. You know, people say, well, where were your parents? Well, first of all, my parents were thrilled. I was in church. I mean, this was a time in the seventies when drugs were. Prevalent girls were, having free sex. So for them, what safer place could there be than to be in church? So, and they saw his intention toward me and his involvement with me as a good thing. I mean, he would take me on hospital visits with him. I mean, they saw this as being positive. And they knew how much I loved being there and that it was a place that I liked to go. So they didn't see it. And many in the church didn't see it began because who suspects the pastor of such behavior. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And especially in the seventies when this wasn't an open topic like it is now, you wouldn't have dared thought anything like that. And so [00:22:00] it's not uncommon for people in the church, to miss the signs and to ignore what they really do see, because they just can't believe that it would be something that would be happening in their church because then they'd have to do something about it. Yes, exactly. When did it all come crumbling down? It does crumble. Eventually it does. Two elders became suspicious and followed him one night and found us together in a hotel room. And then from then on, the next month and a half was an absolute nightmare for me. Hmm. It was initially hoped that they could keep what he had done, quiet and keep it from the congregation. Now, I have to say one thing before I forget. This wasn't his first incident of sexual misconduct. Oh. Prior to and just after he was awri, he arrived at our church. A young woman from his first church came forward and accused him of sexual misconduct. When he was [00:23:00] confronted by my elders, he didn't deny it. He said it was true. He asked for forgiveness, that it would never happen again. It was a mistake. So within six months. That's when he was kissing me in my hallway. So this, so these elders were aware that this was the second time that there had been an incident with this man of sexual abuse and misconduct. But in spite of that, they tried to keep it quiet in hopes of moving him to another church. And so I was told during that time where I was to sit, how I was to respond to questions. I wasn't to talk to anyone. I wasn't to tell anyone about what had happened, including my parents. And this was all in an effort to keep it quiet. Well, that effort failed. And so it was determined that he should address the congregation. He did it in a very vague way, just simply said that he'd sinned. He'd sinned against God, and he'd sinned against his wife. And that was his confession. That was it. Two days later, he had me meet [00:24:00] him in a hotel room after that confession in front of the congregation. Now. He was moved to the next church. He was given a going away party. There was actually a vote to maybe keep him, but the vote failed and they decided to move him to the next church. About, two weeks, three weeks later, I was called in by the elders, and this is probably the hardest part of my story for me. Mm-hmm. I was called in by the elders and I was told that because of my behavior I was to leave the church. I was devastated. I loved that church. It was the only church I knew, and here I was being told by these two elders that I wasn't fit to worship there any longer. Mm-hmm. He could be forgiven and given a second, third chance. I couldn't be, I was told that to leave the church. I wasn't given any counseling. I wasn't helped in any way. I was simply told to leave and I did. I left. [00:25:00] And that I told people many times, as horrific as the abuse was, having been told to leave, that church had a greater impact on me spiritually than the actual abuse did. I don't think I ever recovered from that. It still haunts me to this day to some extent. That response of the church really devastated me. So that was the crumbling, as you called it? It came crashing down and I would, I left the church. So did that change your perception of God? What was your relationship with God this time? Yes. You were kicked outta the church, but. Well, I felt a disconnect from God. I never blamed God. I never felt like God caused this to happen. I, in fact, I carry the blame and the shame. I felt guilty for what I had done. And so I never blamed God, but because of the relationship being tied in with God and the [00:26:00] prayers that this man would give, and then, you know, he'd give these wonderful sermons about marriage and sanctity of marriage on a Sunday morning after having sex with me the night before. I had difficulty separating all of that, and there were so many trigger factors associated with the church and prayer that God really did. It was hard for me to have any kind of relationship with God. I did. I didn't become an atheist like a lot of victims do, and who become angry at God. I simply just. I just put him on the back burner. I knew he existed, but I didn't have a connection with him any longer. So for 27 years, I, I never prayed. I never opened my Bible. I went to church because when I met my husband, he was a Methodist. And I thought, well, I'll go to the Methodist Church. It's a different denomination. Mm-hmm. I'll just go on. It should be fine. It didn't work that way. I had anxiety attacks in church. I, his [00:27:00] reminders of him were constant, but I forced myself to go. I made sure that I went because I knew when we had children, I wanted them to have that church experience. But every time I walked past the minister's office, I got a knot in my stomach. Oh yeah. It had nothing to do with that minister. But you understand that. I mean, it, but I did that for 27 years. It became my norm. I just knew that when I walked past that office, I was gonna get a knock my stomach, certain hymns. I can tell you what his favorite hymn was, and every time that was played, that's who I thought of. I couldn't pray. It was so, I did have a deep, deep disconnect for 27 years, and I have to tell you, I missed it. I actually mourn that loss of my spiritual life, but I didn't know how to get it back. Because I'm keeping this secret. I'm still carrying guilt and shame. I couldn't forgive myself. I didn't feel worthy to be in church. So with all of that mixed in, I just put myself on autopilot and said, [00:28:00] well, this is the way my life will be and I'll just have to accept it. It just sounds so unfair. Somebody that loves the Lord so much and served in the church and so innocent and being kicked out. Oh, but it sounded like maybe meeting your husband would've been a positive thing for you. How did you guys meet? I actually worked at his office, so I met him there. We dated for about two years, and I just found him to be a kind, loving soul. He was very unassuming. He wasn't arrogant. He didn't, he wasn't a boastful type of person. He didn't like taking credit for things, even though he deserved it sometimes. He was just a good hearted person, and I just, I fell in love with him immediately. I really did. I thought this was a great, great guy. I mean, I will tell you, I have said many times because before I met him, I was on a destructive path. I did not have any self-esteem. [00:29:00] I saw myself just simply as some sex object that, I was only good for that. And so when I met him, he saved my life because he loved me for who I was and showed me that I was worthy. So I've often said to him, you saved my life, and he will respond back with you made mine, and you can't get any better than that. So meeting him was a turning point for me, but I kept a secret from him for 27 years, and I lived in fear that he'd always find out that I'd had this affair with a married man. And I know in my heart that it wouldn't have made a difference to him. But people who've been abused never forget the words, don't ever tell. And I never forgot those words. And I never forgot what the consequences could be if I were to tell someone. Because when my elders found out, they blamed me. And I, I couldn't bear the thought that if I were to tell him. [00:30:00] Somehow he would find fault with me, or I wondered, would he wonder why I didn't feel confident enough to tell him? Would he feel betrayed that I kept a secret? Would he see me differently sexually? All those fears that I had while unfounded were still present in my mind. And so I never could tell him. And I had to do a lot of play acting and pretending, through our married life in the sense that the times I was having trigger factors, I had to hide them. And I know he would've been supportive, but I couldn't see that. Because while trauma affects you at the time of the abuse, it's lifelong. It doesn't leave you. And so I lived with that for 27 years. So did you have. Intimacy issues when you were together? Was that what you're talking about? The triggering? No, I, know a lot of victims do, and that's understandable. I really didn't, because he was so different from my abuser [00:31:00] and I recognized that my abuser was emotionally violent mm-hmm. And physically, he just wasn't loving in any sense of the word. I was simply used for sex. Mm-hmm. And I didn't have that with my husband. And so I could separate that a little bit. But I think the guilt of hiding the secret had an impact on our marriage as far as my able to be intimate with him in an emotional way. I'm really glad to hear that. I, you are not the first person that I've heard that. The victim has hidden a secret from her husband. I passed her and a pastor's wife and her husband did not know. Mm-hmm. Children didn't know, and it was a family member that was the abuser. And I kept telling her, you've got to tell him. Mm-hmm. You know why? It's because, and I was thinking this when I was listening to your, the other shows that you were on. I'm thinking about your children and your grandchildren. If I was abused, [00:32:00] I would be like. How do I keep my children and grandchildren from going through what I just went through, you know? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Well, that's an interesting thing because most people would assume that my daughter, I would've been all over it and worried sick every time she left the house. Yeah. But I actually had the opposite, reaction because keep in mind, I didn't see myself as an abuse victim. I saw myself as someone who participated, who willingly went into this relationship and stayed in it willingly, which is not the case when you're abused. There's the control, the manipulation, all of those things that play into keeping a victim in a relationship and they see no way out. So for me, I just assumed I got one bad apple in the whole barrel, that this didn't happen to other people and that I had an affair. But my daughter, who I knew, she would never have an affair with a married man, I just knew that. So I. Sent her on [00:33:00] retreats. I sent her to church camp without fear because again, I'm thinking, okay, this just doesn't happen to other people and this is not something I need to be concerned about with her. However, with my granddaughters, it's totally different because now I understand what really occurred and the damage that can occur when you've been abused. And so with my granddaughters, her mom and dad have talked to them, about good touch, bad touch. And I too have talked about to her, but I've been a little bit more probably detailed about it. Mm-hmm. And as she gets older, these men, the techniques change as you get older and they, after they go after teenage girls, so mm-hmm. Hopefully I'll be able to help her understand, what happens when someone's grooming. I want her to understand her personal space, that if you're not comfortable when someone hugs you, it's okay. That's right. Say I, I don't want you to touch me that way. Mm-hmm. Or say if they don't feel comfortable and we put a lot on kids to do that. 'cause here [00:34:00] we're asking a child to say to an adult, no. Mm-hmm. So it's okay to go to your mother or your mom and say, can you tell so and so Uncle Jimmy or whoever it is, I don't wanna be hugged. So we need to make sure our kids understand that their personal space is their space. And if they don't want someone in that space, it's okay to say no. I also think it's important to tell kids that good people can do bad things. Yeah. Because, as we talked about earlier, our abusers are not strangers. They're not mean people. Mm-hmm. They're usually good people. They're usually people who've given us gifts. They're people who help us. They're people who tell us how wonderful we are. So it's hard for children, even adults, to see this individual who. Who on one side is a good individual who does a lot in the church, who's done all these wonderful things. And so we, we have to tell these kids, just because they're a good person doesn't mean they can't do bad things. And so that's kind of the message I hope to get to my granddaughters that I didn't give to my [00:35:00] daughter. And fortunately she didn't have any issues with church or any, anybody abusing her. But I certainly did not, guide her in the right way in that sense because I just, like I said, I just assumed that I was the only one that this would ever have happened to. Well, I think, I hear a lot in the church that they don't teach sex ed because they don't want the kids to go out and have sex. Mm-hmm. And so a lot of these kids are like ignorant as to, what is healthy and what is not proper, yeah. We need to teach 'em that our bodies or are going to respond. They were built that way. God intended us to have feelings. You know, when we are around the opposite sex, that's normal. Mm-hmm. So we need to make sure kids understand. But there are barriers and there are boundaries that need to be taken. But you're absolutely right when we don't talk at it, then we figure it out on their own. And we could, we can all imagine when you're leaving teenagers to [00:36:00] their own devices to figure out things. That's probably not gonna lead in a good spot. No, we have the internet now, which when we, right. When you and I were younger, we didn't have the internet. We didn't have cell phones. No. If you wanted a Playboy magazine, you had to go to that kind of a neighborhood to get something. Yes. You know? Yes. It was a lot more difficult. Yes, absolutely. But too many parents are embarrassed to talk to their children about sex and, you know, everybody listening needs to listen. You need to find a way to talk to them about these things. And one of the techniques that I use with my daughter, just in talking about sex in general, kids don't want to hear their mom and dad talk to 'em about this. So what I did would say, I read a magazine article about this girl who did such and such so that I put it off on something else that's, a non-entity of a person. And I'll say, or Have you ever heard of this? And of course I know she's got a little embarrassed, but I, it opened the dialogue without me coming [00:37:00] out and saying, have you heard of oral sex? Instead, I would talk to her and say, I heard this about this. This is what kids are doing, blah, blah, blah. So you kind of have to find techniques and ways to sneak around it sometimes, but you absolutely need to talk to, because they know it's out there and they're going to experiment. That's just part of being a teenager. Yeah, my parents chickened out. They just gave me a book to read. Same, probably the same book. I got, I forget what it was called. Where did I come from? Or something. It was a cartoon book. Mm-hmm. And I'm grateful for that. And, they just, after I finished the book, do you have any questions? Yeah, yeah. I had a lot of, older people that were friends and I would actually go to my older. Senior citizen friends and ask them questions rather than ask my parents. Right? Yeah, yeah. It's more comfortable that way for sure. Like I said, it's not the topic that we like to talk to with our kids and our kids don't wanna hear it, but being uncomfortable is not an excuse not to do that. And in school you get [00:38:00] the basics of the mechanics of it, but then that ends, that's all you get there as well. And that's not as helpful either. Yeah. The sixth grade menstrual cycle, health class. Yeah, exactly. That's it. They separate the girls and the boys. Yeah. We were all really embarrassed and Yes, yes. Yeah, exactly. Great information. So let's, circle around back to, okay, you've been hiding this secret forever. Mm-hmm. And nobody knows about your past. And then one day you got triggered. So what happened that day? Well, that's the first chapter of my book, and that is one day I was driving to a golf tournament in Tennessee. We live in Cincinnati. I was driving, my daughter was in college. She was playing in a golf tournament. I was driving down there and I was about halfway when I saw an exit sign for the town of Kingsport, Tennessee. And that is the. Town to which my [00:39:00] abuser was sent after he left our church, and it just sent me over the edge. Mm-hmm. All of a sudden I'm thinking, I'm in the town where he lives. Am I close to his house? Am I close to the church where he's now a minister? I mean, even though it'd been 27 years, I thought he was probably still there. I didn't know, but that's what my mind was telling me. I, all of a sudden I felt his presence in the car. I, I could smell him. I could hear him. Oh. I was, it was unbelievable to me what was happening to me. I didn't even know what was happening. I pulled to the side of the road Oh, good. And I sobbed. Yeah. I sobbed for about 20 minutes and I was just trying to figure out what was happening because anytime I had trigger factors before I could manage them, I could control them. I kind of let them happen and then I push 'em back down. Mm-hmm. This one wasn't going back down and I was a mess. I was just an absolute mess. I was able to get through the weekend. I drove back home and all I could think about was, what am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? [00:40:00] I wanted to stop thinking about him and I couldn't. I spent the next two weeks, really in anxiety. I, my husband would leave for work and I would just walk around the house, wring my hands, trying to figure out why I was feeling the way I was feeling. What was I gonna do with these feelings till at one point I finally decided I was gonna tell my best friend, and I was absolutely petrified to tell her because for the first time in 27 years, I was going to utter the words. I was sexually abused by my youth pastor. And I remember thinking, he's gonna find out and I'm gonna get in trouble. I just, I was 49 years old and I'm still afraid of this man. But I did tell her, it was, it took me a long time to, to get the words out, but I did, she was very supportive. She was very kind. She was patient as she waited for me to tell her. And so that started my journey of healing just by telling that first person. I then told two or three other of my close friends, so the four of us spent [00:41:00] many days and many hours on the screened in porch of one of my friends just letting me talk. Mm-hmm. And being able to express what had happened to me. I wasn't ready to tell all of the story. I mean, there's parts in the book that I won't go into here because they're pretty mm-hmm. Embarrassing and some things that I did. So I wasn't ready to tell them everything, but I told them enough that it helped me start to release what had been done to me. And so that was the first thing that I did, I think. And then the next thing I did, which was so valuable, and I encouraged victims to do it as well, I just read everything I could on clergy abuse or sexual abuse in itself. So I began to learn the terms of grooming, manipulation, gaslighting, and then I could see how he methodically used each one of those things on me to get me to do the things he got me to do, and to stay in that relationship for those five years. And that was huge for me. So [00:42:00] it was, for the first time as I began reading, I understood that I had been abused. Now, it still took me a while to admit that I really was sexually abused because I didn't want that label. I didn't wanna be an abuse victim. And there was a part of me. We all wanna be loved. And so there was still a part of me that I wanted to think that there was some part of him that cared about me, that this wasn't just purely about sex and that he wasn't just using me for his own gratification. And I had to get past that. I had to finally come to terms with, no, this man didn't do the no one who loves you, would do the things he did and ask the things he did of me. So that took me a while, to finally admit, okay, this was an abusive relationship. So I told someone, educating myself, and then I had to learn to forgive myself. I had to let, I had to let go of the guilt [00:43:00] and shame because any guilt and shame belongs squarely on him. This was a man that I should have been able to trust. It was in a place that should have been the safest place on earth for me. And he took advantage of a vulnerable teenager who had, I didn't have a major crisis in my life, but he knew my home life was an upheaval at times. He knew that I didn't see my dad very much. So he used that to against me. And I had to forgive myself for being who I was at the time and being able to respond the way I did for the coping skills I had at the time. Sure. You can look back. I, and I think, why didn't I say this? Why didn't I do that? But I couldn't because of, of the re of the relationship he had created between us. Mm-hmm. I had lost all power. He was in complete control of this relationship, so I had to forgive myself and that wasn't easy either. Then, and I don't know that this is something all victims should do, but I just felt this need [00:44:00] that I needed to confront him. I just felt like I couldn't move past this unless I was able to face him. Now, I had no contact with him for 27 years. I didn't even know if he was still alive, but I hired a private investigator and he found him ministering in a church in Alabama. And so I had my investigator contact him and we set up a time and a meeting that we would meet. And I took my husband, I took my friend who was a counselor and another friend who was at the church at the time. Um, I wanted her at this point. You told your husband at this point, I'm sorry. Yes, that's correct. I, it was probably three months after I told my friends, that I said to him I would like to meet him in his office and talked to him about something and. I was terrified. I don't know how else to say it. I just was so afraid. Not that I needed to be, but I was. And I probably sat there for almost, [00:45:00] I would say, 40 minutes and just cried. I was able to finally get out. I'm okay, the kids are okay, and then I started crying again. He couldn't have been any more supportive, more loving. I remember looking at his face and I said I was sexually abused by my youth pastor, and he didn't. His expression didn't change, and then I said. I was their babysitter and his face just dropped. And for the first time, I could see the pain I was feeling was reflected in his face. It was, I almost wanted to hug him to say, I'm sorry. 'cause I could see how much it hurt him to know that this had been done to me, especially as a baby. I mean, the picture became complete for him once I said that. And so he was very supportive. I think he was worried about me confronting this man, for a couple reasons. But one, I think he was worried that I would be disappointed in his reaction, and that I would be expecting too much of this [00:46:00] person to understand what he did to me and show any kind of remorse, and that I, it would hurt me even more. And one of my fears was that, I was afraid he wouldn't meet me. I was afraid that he was gonna say, no, I'm not gonna meet with you. And my husband said, oh, he's gonna meet with you all right? Because if he doesn't meet with you, you just tell him. Call the church secretary. We'll call every elder. We're gonna, he, somebody's gonna hear your story if he doesn't want to hear it. So he did agree to meet with me. I went down to Alabama and the meeting took place and I said the things that I wanted to say to him. I wanted him to get what he did to me. But he didn't, he never could understand the damage. It was almost as if, okay, I shouldn't have done it and I'm sorry I did it. Okay, now what do you want? It was, get away. You bother me? Yes. And his greatest fear as most narcissist, and I believe he was, narcissistic, but his greatest fear was that I was going to demand that he be removed from the ministry. I mean, that's what he [00:47:00] was most concerned about, how this was going to impact him. And he should have been out of the ministry. So I went to his. Boss. I was told this, and something happened 27 years ago. He, we think he's safe. We're not worried, in spite of the fact that during the meeting he had admitted that there had been multiple occurrences of sexual misconduct throughout his ministry. Not all teenagers, some were most were probably women. And then he said he had gone to therapy because he had been identified as a sexual addict. And I kept thinking, who, what? What world, what world? Does this make sense that a man who has been identified by a psychologist as a sex addict belongs in the ministry? Nope. But here was this church. So I sent a letter to his 11 elders thinking, okay, somebody in this eldership is gonna see this. Is I something's wrong here. Not one responded totally [00:48:00] ignored me. 11 elders totally ignored me. Wow. No worries. So then, I decided to go to his denominational leaders, which were in Indianapolis. And there again, while they were sympathetic to my story and apologize that it happened, they said, we're an independent church. Our churches hire and fire their own ministers. We have no control and if they choose to keep this man, we can do nothing about it. And so what, I was shut down and basically I had no place else to go. I had pretty much. Done everything I could do. And it wasn't my place in the man that he be removed. I expected the church to be, the church was to do the right thing. Exactly. I assumed so naively that once they heard my story and once they understood the background of this man, surely someone would say, this isn't right. But again, keep in mind he's very charismatic. He brings in [00:49:00] people, he brings in money. And to be fair, and probably I'm being a little too gracious, these men are very good at manipulating not only the victim but the congregation as well. They're very good at getting control of the congregation so that they find themselves following this man no matter what he would do. Yeah. And that's basically what happened. There was going to be, I got a four page letter from his boss telling me that, know, I'm going to. Ruin this church if I continue on this path and that I'm going to feel all this guilt because I'm gonna be responsible for the damage that I will do to pe people's spiritual lives. I mean that, it was an incredible, I put the letter in the book, I, because it is so incredibly, hard to believe that someone write that to a victim of abuse. Just So that was What year did that happen? 2004. Okay. So we did have. We did have the internet. Oh, yes. And this was after the Catholic, [00:50:00] church had their, exposure of sexual abuse within their church. So yes, this was, it was out there for sure. This wasn't something that you would think, oh, I can't believe this happened. And again, he had admitted to these past instances. I mean, this wasn't someone who was saying, oh, I don't know what she's talking about. Or, oh, this is the only time it ever happened. He had been in therapy because he was a sexual addict, So he wasn't registered as a sex offender? I guess not. And in my case, at the time of the abuse, the age of consent was 16. So I had no legal recourse because of I was either legally age of consent. Now that has been changed in Ohio. It's now 18. It's now 18, but many states it's still 16. There are several states where the age of consent is 16. Now, the interesting about that is. His contact sexual contact with me was not considered a crime. However, if he had been my high school teacher, it would've been a crime. What, so pastors I know [00:51:00] does not make sense. It does not make a leg of sense. No, it does not. So it, they don't consider him a teacher. They don't cons, they don't, they considered an affair. A mutual. Relationship if he'd been my teacher, that's a different story. So yeah, I had no legal recourse. And that was frustrating. But I couldn't change that. So it was what it was. I just had to accept that he, yes, he belonged in jail. Yes, there's no doubt and should be registered as a sex offender, but I'm not so sure that even if he's registered as a sex offender, these people in Alabama and wherever he is now, would. Even take that as a concern. Well, you know, the millennials now, they'll just, they just post stuff on Facebook and Twitter and call the evening news and they have, yes. News people at their doorstep, right. Ready to mm-hmm. Track this guy's name through the mud. Mm-hmm. But you didn't choose to do that, I guess. No, you know, I'm very careful about naming him in the sense that, part of my story is that I [00:52:00] reconnected with his wife. She actually divorced him after they moved, because again, he committed sexual misconduct. She was 20, I think, at the time, so it wasn't a minor, but that's beside the point. This is a man in a position that, a professional who does not cross boundaries like that. So, to no one surprise, he committed sexual misconduct the third time, so she divorced him. And part of, I guess letting go of some of the guilt that I felt, I wanted to. Connect with her to at least tell her, not that I was responsible for what happened, but how very sorry I was for her pain and suffering as well because she was part of the youth group. I mean, she was there at the church all the time. We sang in the choir together. So it was like I had a relationship with her. Oh wow. To some extent. And of course when, we were found, when he was found out by the elders, she was upset and she of course, didn't wanna have anything to do with me, which is understandable. So I actually think I [00:53:00] also wanted to give her the opportunity to say whatever she felt she needed to say to me if she wanted to. I mean, I didn't know what she was gonna say or react. I thought maybe she'd hang up on me. I didn't know. So I called her one day. My investigator found her phone number and gave it to me, and she couldn't have been any more gracious. I, she never blamed me. She understood as she, as the years went on, what this really was just like I did. She's remarried. She's has a wonderful husband now. And so I visited her several times. We keep in contact. And so part of my not wanting to expose him too much is that it would be hurtful to her. And he does have children. Now. I know that, well, whatever consequences are as a result of this are all on him, but I don't feel the need to add to that. That's not my purpose in speaking out. And so, mm-hmm. I've gone to his church leaders, I've done everything I can to get him removed from the ministry. And nothing, it's just [00:54:00] he's still, I don't know that he's still a pastor, but he still remains in good standing within that denomination to this day. Yeah. I mean, sometimes we have to just let God. Right. Dish out the justice. It may not be in our timeline, it may not be the way that we think it should happen, but Right. He's not gonna get away with this. No. And again, I did my part. Yes. So my conscience is clear and I am able to say I did what I could do and whether or not they removed him, I certainly hope that I maybe put some doubt in some of their minds and maybe questioned their motives in keeping this man. I don't know. But, I feel I did what I could do and I feel good about that. I feel good about that. Absolutely, you should. And what I'm really interested in is, you're trying to keep this stuff from happening to other people, so, I mean, what can we do to prevent some of this stuff? Well, it's [00:55:00] difficult again, because these men are among us as wolves in sheep's clothing, and so they're difficult to spot. But a couple things. I think the first thing I would tell people is if something doesn't seem right. Keep your antenna up. Don't just ignore it or just don't think, oh, well that can't be true because he's the pastor. Mm-hmm. If it's behavior that you wouldn't accept in someone else, or it's something that you would question in someone else, then question it in the pastor or the choir director, whoever it is. Don't be blinded by the person. The persona that they're presenting to you. So that's the first thing I would say is keep your antenna up. The other thing is we, and we're churches, I think are doing better about this, but you've got to have policies in place that say, no, you're not taking a 16-year-old girl on your hospital visit with you. Yes. That's, that's not normal. That's not right. What is she doing going on a hospital visit with you in a car? And of course now we have the texting [00:56:00] and there should be absolutely no texting between a pastor, a youth minister, and anyone in the congregation. And that includes, no, don't forget the meeting for the church luncheon. No, there should be no texting because you, it's too hidden and it's too easily moved to the next step. And that's how it starts. You know, all of the abuse when it's someone you know, it always starts with small things and subtle things. It doesn't, innocent things. Innocent things that, yeah, that, that are innocent. But so that's why, so no texting. Yeah. So put in the policy, those places of, when you take a 10-year-old child to the bathroom, you make sure there's another adult with you. Absolutely. That's for your safety as well as for the child's safety. Mm-hmm. So I, I think we need to be aware. And then I would also say watch for the vulnerable in your, among your church or your group. Watch for the kid that's got issues at home and is looking for a father figure. Be aware that they're going to be more susceptible to someone who's a predator and pay [00:57:00] attention to their cues and kind of keep in touch with them as well in a sense of asking questions and how they're doing and be the kind of a person that they might feel comfortable coming to if something were to happen to them because they're the ones that are gonna be most vulnerable, to a predator. So that's kind of, an overview of what. Maybe a help to try and stop and prevent some of this. Yes, I like lots of video cameras. They're cheap now. You can put a camera, you can hide cameras all over the church facility and Yes. And I think too, talking to this about this issue to the congregation before anything happens, maybe having a person in your congregation who is the go-to person on this topic, who, who's researched what all these grooming and manipulation is so that they are even more equipped to, to notice the signs. So you have a person who's kind of in charge of that topic and then address it to the congregation once a year and say, here's our policy and here's what we expect of our pastors and here's what we would hope you would [00:58:00] do if you notice something. So it just brings it out so that people feel like if there is something that they know is going on or something's wrong, they feel comfortable going to someone about it. Those are all really great tips for leaders and, church members. So what, what if I am listening and I am being subjected to some of this stuff, what should I do? Well, what you need to do and what is the hardest thing to do is to tell someone. Yeah. And it's hard to do because when you're in an abusive relationship, you are being controlled by your abuser. And the narrative is what he is directing. And so he's going to tell you, look, you can tell anybody you want. They're not gonna believe you. And he tells you that over and over again. He's also going to tell you that you are going to be in trouble if you tell anyone. And then there's that problem of you sort [00:59:00] of care about this person. Here's someone that has been helping you, who's been your mentor, and you don't wanna get him in trouble. So with all those dynamics involved, it's very difficult for victims to come forward. But I am telling you, you don't wanna wait the 27 years that I did no. And live with this guilt and the shame and the angst and the anxiety. First of all, it's not worth it. You're not doing anyone any favors, especially yourself, because there is help out there. But they can only help you if you're able to be able to tell someone. And believe me, I understand how difficult that is. It's not easy. Mm-hmm. But I would hope that I hearing my story and others that you will understand that there is help out there and you need to tell someone. 'cause it won't end until you tell someone. And if you need to, you go to someone that you trust. And if you need to, you go outside the church. Yes. You tell someone you know is going to listen to you. [01:00:00] Hey, I tell my listeners, you can call me anytime mm-hmm. And email me and I'm sure you'd say the same thing. Exactly. Reach out to Sandy if mm-hmm. You need somebody to talk to. Mm-hmm. Or you don't know what is the next step I need to take here? Right. It is scary to make First step. It's very scary. Very scary. Absolutely. So then there's the rest of us, those that have not experienced clergy abuse, maybe we're members in the church, maybe we're friends or family. What are some helpful things for us to do to support a victim? Helpful things to say, maybe there's things we shouldn't say, well, that's a yes. First, I would say anytime you're aware of a victim of clergy abuse or anybody who's been abused, whether it's clergy or not, reiterate to that victim that it was not their fault and that there was nothing they could have done, should have done that would've prevented this. And by doing that, you are [01:01:00] telling that person they're free to speak to you. And victims need to hear it over and over again because we do blame ourselves. Children as young as five will blame themselves because they allowed someone to touch them 'cause mommy said not to. And the that guilt in that shame that victims carry, it's difficult to let go of it. So to hear someone say to us, it's not your fault is so freeing. So that's the first thing. The second thing I would say is. Let them know that you will listen to them without judging them, and you will hear their story without being shocked that you are able to say, tell me everything you need to tell me, or Tell me as little as you wanna tell me. Give them a comfort place to go to talk. And then I would say, and this is difficult for people who have spiritual lives or who are part of the church, be very much aware that things such as prayer and Bible reading and [01:02:00] scripture can be very triggering for those who've been abused in the church. Mm-hmm. So things that you would find comforting like prayer. Can be a very major trigger factor for victims. And so instead of saying to a victim, I'll pray for you, or Can I pray with you? The best thing you could say would be to phrase it in such a way as to say, I understand because of what you've been through, prayer can be difficult. And so I would like to pray for you, but I would completely understand if you don't want to pray or you won't, don't even want me to pray for you. And so you've opened up the door to say to this person, wow, I don't have to feel guilty because I can't pray. You know, when we've grown up in the church and we've been told how wonderful church and prayer and all those things are, we still carry that guilt too because we're no longer connected to God. So to have a person on the outside. Recognize that these can be trigger factors is again, a gift. It's a [01:03:00] gift. So those things I think would be the most helpful when dealing with a person of clergy abuse. And give them time. Don't push forgiveness. Don't push trying to get them back into church. 'cause some victims will never be able to go back to church if you let them find their own pace of time and you do it without judging them. And I know that's kind of hard sometimes for Christians and people in the church because we love the church and we find it to be such a wonderful place and we want this person back in the church. Yes. But it, it may not be the best place at that point for that victim. Such valuable advice. I That is awesome. And again, back to like, when you're talking about the sex education, open up the dialogue, you know? Yeah. Bring it up. Bring it up before they bring it up. Again, I read in the newspaper that this girl was molested by, a gym teacher. You know that, that ha I know that happens. And then let 'em know that if. It is, like you said, allowing that comfort to be able to [01:04:00] talk to someone. I think for me it was important to give my side of the story. No one had a clue that he was emotionally and verbally and physically abusive to me. They saw this as a little love affair and that we had this, magic little love affair. Evil temptress. Yes, exactly. And so I wanted them to know the full story. That was important for my healing too. And they did that. And, they welcomed me back to the church. I went back, I've been back a couple times for, a youth group reunion that we had. So, and that was difficult. But again, I thought that was necessary for me to move forward. I had to let go of my past. I had to figure out, not to forget it, but how was I going to incorpo

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Intimacy and sex… two words we mix up way too often.We linked up with Point Maker Podcast and special guest Kasandra aka Poodie to break down the difference between touching the body and connecting with the soul.

As we age, the complexities of love and intimacy evolve, often leading to challenges that can impact our relationships. In this episode of “Sex Advice for Seniors,” I engaged in a candid conversation with clinical psychologist Dr. Karen Stewart, exploring the intersection of mental health, retirement, and sexual relationships among older adults. One of the key themes we discussed was the profound effect of mental health on sexual relationships, particularly for men in later life. Dr. Stewart pointed out that many older adults experience a crisis of identity after retirement. For instance, men who have defined themselves by their careers may struggle with feelings of depression and aimlessness post-retirement. This shift can lead to challenges in intimacy, as depression can diminish sexual desire. Dr. Stewart emphasised that it's difficult to engage in a fulfilling sex life when one is battling feelings of inadequacy or sadness.Ageing is a complex journey that affects our relationships in profound ways. As Dr. Stewart highlighted, understanding the interplay between mental health, medication, and intimacy is vital for older adults. Open communication, empathy, and a willingness to explore new forms of intimacy can help partners navigate the challenges that arise as they age together. By fostering understanding and connection, couples can maintain vibrant, fulfilling relationships well into their later years.Unlock even more pleasure, clarity, and confidence in your intimate life by becoming a paid subscriber. You'll gain full access to every weekly blog, the complete archive of 150+ expert-led podcasts, the private chat room for candid Q&A, and my 32‑page guide Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later Life. If you're ready to deepen your knowledge, explore new possibilities, and feel fully supported on your journey, upgrade today only £6.99/month or £49.99/year. Get full access to Sex Advice for Seniors at www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe

Join us as we countdown The 6 Pillars of Intimacy® and reflect on the year that has been and the year to come. | “Where you are a year from now is a reflection of the choices you make today.” —Anonymous Is it really possible to rekindle the spark and restore the “like-new” connection in your marriage? Yes it is! In the 6 Pillars of Intimacy, you will discover secrets that have transformed countless marriages. Its ideas are simple, practical, and powerful. You'll be inspired to look at your marriage through a new lens and be encouraged by its commonsense approach. Alisa and Tony DiLorenzo's proven approach to building intimacy in marriage will help you experience deeper and richer levels of intimacy with your spouse – starting today. Click HERE to get your copy today! Links from today's episode: Free Intimacy Lifestyle Planner The 6 Pillars of Intimacy® Quiz Join Intimacy Mastery Today Apply for Coaching With Alisa Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What do you picture your marriage looking like in ten years? What about twenty? Will it be better than it is today?  One thing is for sure: it will be different. The good news is there are some things you can start doing now and ensure your marriage makes it long-term and thrives. In this week's interview, author Dr. Kim Kimberling joins Jim Ramos to discuss his book, "Love, Intimacy, and Sex in the Second Half."  Dr. Kim shares his experience from his 54 years of marriage on what we can do to bulletproof our marriages.  Here is the link to Dr. Kim's book: https://tinyurl.com/SecondHalf115 (Using our link to check out the book helps support our ministry - thanks!) Jim's newest book, Guardrails: Ten Boundaries for an Unbreakable Marriage will be releasing in April 2026. Sign up to be notified when it's available at https://meninthearena.org/guardrails. This episode is sponsored by Compassion International. Our goal is for the Men in the Arena tribe to sponsor 1,000 boys over the coming year! Help us reach that goal and make a difference in a child's life today. When you sponsor a child using our link, you'll receive a free copy of Jim's book, Dialed In: Reaching Your Full Capacity as a Man of God! We are also sponsored by MTNTOUGH Fitness Lab, a Christian-owned fitness app. This app, combined with diet, has helped Jim get in the best shape of his life! Get 6 weeks free with the code ARENA30 at MTNTOUGH.com. Every man needs a locker room. Apply to join an exclusive brotherhood of like-minded men in The Locker Room, our monthly live Zoom Q&A call! We meet in the Locker Room once a month for community, fellowship, laughter, and to help each other find biblical answers to life's difficult questions. Locker Room members also get access to monthly exclusive leadership trainings, historically only available to the staff team at Men in the Arena. Membership is by application only. Go here to apply: https://patreon.com/themeninthearena Get Jim Ramos' USA TODAY Bestselling book, Dialed In: Reaching Your Full Capacity as a Man of God (https://tinyurl.com/dialedinbook)   

205  Why does unhappiness and irritation so often sneak into even the most loving marriages? Usually, it's through the silent killer of connection: non-acceptance.In this episode, we're diving deep into the "Acceptance Switch"—that internal shift that moves us from judging our partner's flaws to making peace with their full, messy, human selves. I share the raw truth about my two marriages: how a lack of acceptance created a cycle of shame and distance in my first, and how consciously choosing to perceive my second husband's "shortcomings" through the lens of acceptance has unlocked a level of joy and playfulness I never thought possible.We also explore:The Cultural Root of Intolerance: Why society has conditioned us to reject our partners full selves, including moods and behaviors.The "Human Inheritance": Understanding that your partner's frustrating patterns aren't personal—they are often a genetic and cultural "ball and chain" they didn't choose.The Growth Paradox: Why true growth and change in a relationship only happen after you've established a foundation of radical safety through acceptance.Acceptance vs. Tolerance: Why accepting someone's humanity is the opposite of being a "pushover."To help you kick off the year with a heart-centered reset, I'm walking you through a New Year Acceptance Process. We'll unpack the "stories" we tell ourselves about our partners and learn how to see through the fog of expectations to find the sweetness that's been there all along.Stop fighting your partner's humanness and start reaping the gifts of making peace with who your partner really is.SHOW NOTES:Join Hannah for private 1:1 Marriage Coaching, and get her deep, super individualized support to make your marriage more full of security, connection, love, and mutual support than ever. Get started here. See her on-demand relationship courses for HSPs here.FREE QUIZ: How Much is High Sensitivity Impacting Your Relationship (and are you even highly sensitive)? You want to know. Because, high sensitivity has a major impact on intimate relationships – for better or worse. Take this 3 minute quiz to discover if you're highly sensitive and how deeply it's affecting you, and your happiness in your relationship. You will also get your next steps to making sure sensitivity works for your relationship, instead of against it.

Send us a text & leave your email address if you want a reply!Most people think intimacy equals sex, but here's what we've discovered: there are actually 12 different types of intimacy you can experience with your partner, friends, family, and even coworkers. Sexpert hosts, Leah Piper and Dr. Willow Brown dive deep into all of them, sharing their our own intimacy strengths and blind spots, and give you practical tools to create deeper connections in every relationship.EPISODE HIGHLIGHTSThe Complete 12 Types Revealed - Sexual, emotional, creative, recreational, work, intellectual, aesthetic, commitment, conflict, communication, crisis, and spiritual intimacy (yes, they're all interconnected!)"Into Me I See" Principle - True intimacy is about being deeply seen and understood by another person, creating belonging and meaning in your lifeThe Three Pillars of All Intimacy - Trust, vulnerability, and presence are the foundation that supports every type of connectionEssential Communication Tool - Ask "What do you need from me right now?" with three options: listening, problem-solving, or distractionOur Vulnerable Self-Assessment - Willow's top three are spiritual, sexual, emotional while Leah's are commitment, creative, emotional (plus where we both struggle)Beyond Your Partner - These intimacy types apply to all relationships and can help couples who've lost connection find their way back to each otherLINKS & RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THE EPISODE CAN BE FOUND HERE ON THE WEBSITELAST 10x LONGER. If you suffer from premature ejaculation, you are not alone, master 5 techniques to cure this stressful & embarrassing issue once and for all. Save 20% Coupon: PODCAST20. THE VAGINAL ORGASM MASTERCLASS. Discover how to activate the female Gspot, clitoris, & cervical orgasms. Save 20% Coupon: PODCAST 20Support the show FREEBIE- Introduction to Tantric Kissing Video and Workbook SxR Website Dr. Willow's Website Leah's Website

In this episode of The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast, Nick and Amy break down how couples can stop “trying harder” and start creating real, lasting change in their marriage and good marriage goals couples should set for 2026 to help them find Ultimate Intimacy in their relationship.If you haven't already, go check out the Ultimate Intimacy App in the app stores, or at ultimateintimacy.com to find "Ultimate Intimacy" in your marriage. It's FREE to download and so much fun! Find out why close to 1M people have downloaded the app and give it such high ratings and reviews!Check out the new UandI App we just released after a year in development.WANT AMAZING PRODUCTS TO SPICE THINGS UP? YES PLEASE... CLICK HEREFollow us on Instagram @ultimateintimacyapp for app updates, polls, giveaways, daily marriage quotes and more.If you have any feedback, comments or topics you would like to hear on future episodes, reach out to us at amy@ultimateintimacy.com and let us know! We greatly appreciate your feedback and please leave us a review.*This episode was recorded and published a few years ago and we released it again.Enjoy the podcast or have some feedback for us? Shoot us a message!

What does dating look like later in life, and personal growth? In this powerful episode, host Chuck Tuck sits down with Dr. Victoria Vaughn to unpack the realities of senior dating, online dating, and redefining intimacy beyond sex.Drawing from real-life dating stories and her candid memoir, Oh, the Frogs I Kissed Before I Finally Found My Prince, Dr. Vaughn shares hard-earned dating advice, common dating pitfalls, and lessons learned while navigating love after loss. Together, they explore why intimacy doesn't always mean physical connection, how self-reflection shapes healthier relationships, and why friends, family, and financial stability often play a bigger role than we expect.From spotting red flags in online dating to balancing heart and logic, this conversation offers insight, honesty, and hope for anyone seeking meaningful relationships later in life. Whether you're dating again, considering it, or supporting someone who is, this episode delivers wisdom you can apply immediately.

What if your trip to Portugal went beyond the highlights and into the heart of everyday life?In this episode of Transform With Travel, Kelly sits down with Paula Alves, co-founder of Portugal by TRAVELTAILORS, to explore what it truly means to experience Portugal through culture, tradition, and human connection.Paula shares how her childhood spent between the United States and rural Portugal shaped her passion for preserving traditions, supporting small family-run businesses, and designing deeply personal itineraries that go far beyond Lisbon, Porto, and the Algarve. From village festivals and granite stone homes in the north to food, wine, crafts, and multi-generational storytelling, this conversation reveals why Portugal is best discovered slowly, thoughtfully, and with the right local partners.This episode is an invitation to step off the checklist, reclaim time as the ultimate luxury, and experience Portugal as a living, breathing culture.You will learn:How Paula's childhood in rural northern Portugal inspired the creation of Portugal by TRAVELTAILORSWhy Portuguese culture is rooted in tradition, community, and rural lifeThe difference between seeing Portugal's cities and truly understanding the countryHow gastronomy and wine experiences reveal the heart of Portuguese cultureWhy small, family-owned businesses are central to sustainable travelWhat makes private, intimate experiences more meaningful than mass tourismRegions in Portugal advisors should emphasize beyond Lisbon and PortoWhy time, space, and immersion are the new luxury in travelHow Portugal is evolving as a destination for repeat visitors and premium travelersWe talk about:00:00 Intro 02:30 Paula's childhood between the U.S. and rural Portugal04:00 Life in northern villages, family traditions, and simplicity06:00 The inspiration behind Portugal by TRAVELTAILORS07:30 Portuguese culture, tradition, and rural life vs modern cities09:30 Northern Portugal, villages, animals, landscapes, and architecture11:00 Gastronomy, cooking workshops, and wine-making experiences13:00 Harvest season, grape stomping, and authentic timing15:00 Working with artisans, chefs, and small producers17:00 Sustainability, relationships, and supporting family-owned businesses19:00 Intimacy vs mass tourism and why small

Make Morality Mainstream Again The adultification of teen fiction has intentionally Frankensteined books for teens into cesspools of ideological normalization. A while ago, I met a mother and her daughter, the latter of whom I hadn't seen in several years. On the cusp of turning twelve, she'd obviously grown in the time since, and, her mother proudly informed me, had become quite the reader. Indeed, the girl held quite a thick book in her hand. Which was it? The girl showed me the cover. I turned to the mother. “Do you know what your daughter is reading?” She'd figured telling her eleven-year-old she could read whatever was marked 14+ was a safe enough guardrail for appropriate content. As reading is an experience between book and reader, the mother wouldn't have seen what her daughter was taking in. She couldn't either know that her daughter's book was familiar not because it was something I'd read but because it was something I wouldn't. Worse, she thought she could trust the institution. THE READING DILEMMA Parents want kids to read, but as most can't keep up with their reading habits, they don't fully realize what's being allowed, even promoted, in books for young readers. As with other once vaunted institutions, the publishing world has morphed in ways many aren't fully aware of. Over a decade ago, I signed my first contract for Young Adult (YA) fiction. Before and since, I've watched the genre boom through the stages of audience demographic to viable business. Throughout, YA has expanded from books for teens to a genre unto itself, attracting talented writers, lucrative contracts, and the golden goose of Hollywood adaptations. YA is officially for readers 14-18 years (and up). However, as it's after Middle Grade (8-12 years), tweens are frequent readers, plus many eleven-year-olds reading up. There is “lower” and “upper” YA, but they're unofficial categories for libraries or writers specific about their target audience. Most retailers and publishers categorize all teen books under the general YA umbrella. NA, New Adult, mainly written for college-aged readers into their early twenties, is often sheltered under the YA umbrella too. Alongside the wider publishing industry, YA has changed significantly over the years, reflecting broader shifts in society. What follows isn't an analysis on talent or quality but content, as something about words in a book makes what's written more real, valid, romantic, admirable, aspirational. Thus, the intent is to shed light on some of the many topic and imagery that are included in books for young readers. At risk that this won't earn me any friends in publishing (at best), here's some of what I've seen: DEVOLUTION OF YA FICTION Growth of the YA audience/genre is an objective benefit, logical as it is to increase methods for targeting potential customers. As YA has increased in business and position, its morphing into genre unto itself has attracted many adults readers. As a YA author, I read mainly within my market and see the appeal for adult readers considering how well the genre's developed. The migration of older readers to YA is certainly one of the many reasons it's been so adultified. Other factors include the poisonous stranglehold ideological tentacles have on many aspects of culture, entertainment, and education. The shifts adults have finally caught onto in adult fiction and film have infected literature for younger audiences, picture books through YA. A quick example, originally, romantic comedies centered on a man and woman who clashed at the outset, then eventually found their way to each other at the end. The story would build to some romantic declaration, then a kiss. Anyone who's been watching knows that there's now a whole lot of touching that happens before any romantic declaration occurs. Longer, more frequent kisses are only second to scenes of the pair sleeping together before deciding how they really feel about each other. All this is becoming commonplace in YA. What was once cutesy stories about a high school girl chasing a crush has now become stories featuring a whole lot of other firsts, even seconds, and then some. The devolution of YA is a result of purposeful normalization and reshaping of societal norms through manipulatively emotional appeals by writers, agents, and editors. On average, books from larger publishing houses take roughly eighteen months to two years to evolve from contract to product on the shelf. To say, story trends are set in motion well before their rise in popularity. Whatever the view on agents as gatekeepers to the larger houses, publishers only publish so many books in a year, an amount significantly less than all the people who want to be published. Hence, agents act as preliminary filters for editors, whittling down potential authors to relatively more manageable numbers. An agent must really believe in a writer and project to nab one of those few spots. Like most creative fields, writing is highly subjective, so in addition to general quality, each agent and editor has preferences for stories they want to work with. They're also usually pretty clear about what they're looking for, so part of the progression of change can be traced back to what's being requested. CHARACTER INCLUSION CHECKLISTS When I first entered the “querying trenches,” wish lists from agents mainly specified genres and their various offshoots. Although ideologies make a home in all genres, most were subtler, more akin to a light sprinkling than the deluge of today. Within a few short years, wish lists changed. Unofficial “checklists” appeared in the now familiar cancerous categories of equity, representation, marginalization, and other socialist pseudonyms. Nonfiction for teens is dominated by activism, coming out, and adaptations of left-wing figures' biographies. Rather than prioritize quality, potential, uniqueness, the new gatekeeping is often focused on the inclusion of certain ideologies. For the first while, emphasis was on strong female characters, an odd request considering the YA market is dominated by female writers and readers. Previous character portrayal thus had little to do with some imagined patriarchal oppression. Now, female characters are “fierce”, projections of feminist fantasies celebrating girl bosses who are objectively pushy, uncooperative, obnoxious, self-righteous, and/or highly unrealistic. Somehow, they capture the most desirable love interest, a magical combination of masculinity and emotional vulnerability, who is inexplicably un-neutered by support of her domineering principles. Frequently, the girl makes the first move. Worse than overbearing feminism is unrealistic portrayals of a girl's physical abilities accompanied by most unsavory rage and wrath and anger. Supposedly, these traits aren't anathema to the gorgeous guys (when it is a guy) these girls miraculously attract. Unless there's a moth to flame metaphor here, it's a lie to pretend wrath is a healthy attraction. This well reflects the move away from what's become so-last-century stories featuring underdogs who searched deep for courage and heart to overcome challenges, raising up others alongside themselves. A time when character development focused on, well, character. More wholesome stories have been replaced with a self-proclaimed oppressed burning with self-righteous rage and violence. Such characters have seeped into fantasy for adults as well, most notably in armies featuring female combat soldiers and warriors without special powers, who somehow go toe-to-toe if not best male counterparts. Often this sort of matchup is shown as some cunning of smallness, agility, and destruction of arrogant male condescension. Never mind that such fighting is highly unrealistic, and any male is rightly confident if paired against a woman in physical combat. No amount of small body darting or ingenuity will save a girl from the full force of one landed male punch. The unquestioned portrayal of women able to best men in physical combat is worrying considering the real possibility of a reader confusing fact with fiction. Besides, a country which sends its women to war will no longer exist, as it's a country with males but not men. The current not-so-secret of major houses is that a book doesn't have a high chance of getting published if it doesn't check certain markers, especially for midlist and debut authors, though A-listers are not immune. A Caucasian is hardly allowed to write a story featuring a so-called BIPOC, but a straight author must somehow include the ever-expanding gay-bcs, and it must be in a positive light. Some authors were always writing these characters, which at least reflects acting of their own volition. For the rest, many didn't start until required. Because of the careful wording around these ideologies, many don't speak out against these practices so as not to appear hateful and bigoted. The mandated appearance of so-called marginalized and under-represented in stories lest the author risk erasing…someone, somehow also operates along these lines. Although, apparently, only very specific groups are at risk of disappearing. These standards are ridiculous in their least damaging iterations. How many so-anointed BIPOC were consulted over their standard portrayals? How can every individual of every minority be consulted for approval, and who chooses which faction decides? How many Latinos, speakers of gendered language, agreed to Latinx and Latine? Christian characters in mainstream publishing are rarely portrayed as steadfast believers or even rebels rediscovering faith. Jewish stories usually feature a character who's “lived experience” is assimilation, so the character is of a religion but doesn't represent it. A real portrayal of the true beliefs these characters come from would not align with the world mainstream publishing wants to shape. Even more ludicrous is that “disabled” and “neurodivergent” are considered identities, as if a physical or medical condition is cause for new labeling. The approach used to be that you are still you, worthy of respect and consideration, despite these conditions. In the glorified world of the self-hyphenate, the world of we-are-our-self-declared-identity, it's the foremost feature mentioned, with accompanying expectation of praise and exaltation, regardless of an individual's character or behavior. Don't confuse the argument against the labeling with the individuals, because they are separable. Worse than the tokenism is the reduction of individuals to secondary characteristics. Is this really the first thing you have to say about yourself, the most essential thing to know? When did it become norm to turn skin color or medical condition or physical ability into a character trait, the very notion of which says that anyone in this group must be viewed primarily through this lens, as if each is exactly the same? How myopic. How belittling. Following the cue set by movies, books for teens also morphed from cutesy rom-coms to ideological showcases. Unsurprisingly, there's been the introduction of the stereotypical gay best friend. Then storylines focusing on coming out or discovering someone close was gay, with accompanying template for writing them. The one coming out is always the strong one, the resilient one, though much language must be banned lest they be offended or erased, so their strength is dependent upon a carefully constructed bubble. Not only is inclusion necessary but happiness is the only possible, deliberately portrayed reaction. Never mind if some or all of it runs counter to a writer's religious beliefs. Moreover, “I'm not sure how I feel about this, but I'll still treat you with respect” was never an acceptable response. And it is an acceptable response in all manner of situations, unless you exorcise it in efforts to forcibly shape a particular worldview. Additionally, the attitude is that since you can't tell me who to love, and loving this person makes me happy, you must not only ally but champion me. Why is it offensive to present different acceptable, respectful reactions to teens? Who exactly is erased if this character isn't presented at all? As before, don't confuse the argument against mandate with the individuals. The contention isn't about love, but about religion protecting the sanctity of romantic relationships and marriage, a religious practice since the dawn of time, as seen across centuries and civilizations. Marriage is described as sanctified and holy, because it's Divine in nature, and thereby under the domain of the religious. If it's just a contract, then of course any government can regulate it. It’s disingenuous to deny that such enforcement clashes with the very nature of what writing is about. It shuts down discussion, then subverts it entirely by pretending there's nothing to debate. That shouldn't be a source of pride for publishing, but deepest shame. In their efforts to supposedly widen the window of story matter, they've narrowed the frames and tinted the panes to exclude suddenly unacceptable voices entirely. PORNOGRAPHY AND CONSENT Compounded upon all this, most books are no longer relatively clean romances building to a single kiss, as every stage of the relationship has become more explicit. Some scenes are akin to manuals, containing the sort of imagery once the sole province of steamy romances. When efforts are rightly made to remove these books from shelves, screeches of censorship! erasure! representation! resound. We wouldn't, and shouldn't, tolerate any adult approaching a kid on the street and telling stories with such description, nor should we allow it from close friends or family. Authors do not hold special status in this, no matter what the screechers screech. Taking such books off shelves isn't an indication of bigotry, intolerance, hatred, or erasure, but moral obligation. The counterargument from writers, agents, and editors is that explicit detail is necessary because of something to do with “lived experiences” and consent. First, if kids are doing it anyway, then adults definitely needn't assist. Second, consent is not quite the magical word society would have us believe. Third, “everyone has different experiences” is not a reason for writing graphic content, and the replacement of “intimacy” with “experience” is largely responsible for why relationships are in the gutter and leaving people unfulfilled. Intimacy is something private between two individuals; experience is a vague euphemism to pass off what should matter as transitory, despite irrevocable effects. It's difficult to imagine in an age when phones, cameras, and microphones track a person everywhere, but there was once an ideal called privacy, and the intimate was part of it. Pushback also leads to defenses of “sexuality,” another way of saying adults want to teach kids all kinds of ways to pursue these “experiences”. Changing the wording doesn't alter the nature but does allow immoral actors to force celebration of their fantasies and fetishes. The wrongness is incontestable, though not surprising from those who promote polyamory for teens and romantic relationships between humans and demons or other ungodly creatures. The feeble argument for writing scenes of teens sleeping together is they must see what consent looks like. Again, authors do not hold special status or exemption. There is no strong enough argument for writing scenes for teens in which one character undresses another and verbally asks permission every step of the way. Especially because the new trend seems to be the girl not only “consenting”, but also a burning I want this. If she wants, this wording implies, then she must have, abandoning all reason and morality. Consent has become an excuse for all sorts of undesirable, immoral, even illegal behavior, but mutual agreement is supposed to make it okay. This isn't the behavior we should be promoting for teens; we should be giving them better things, bigger ideas to think about. Worst of all, why is any adult writing about two sixteen-year-olds sleeping together? A teenager, no matter how mature, is still developing and while smart and clever not really old enough to fully understand what she's “consenting” to, and is probably being taken advantage of. We treat eighteen with the same magical power as consent, as if any age should be sleeping around, even if legalese only extends so far. Teen pregnancy, abortion overall, would hardly be an issue if everyone stopped sleeping with people they shouldn't. Any adherent to morality knows this, though morality is just another thing scuttled from teen fiction. G-dless ideology is the new morality; immoral, manmade gods have replaced G-d; lust is the new love; sexuality excuse for pornography; perceived racism and misogyny validation for violence and rage. Many are we who did not consent to this. These scenes are in teen films as well, though how many parents know this in an age of individual devices? Adults pretending to be teens take each other's clothes off before a camera for real tweens, teens, and/or adults to watch. Please explain in clear and simple language why this is not a form of pornography. What absolutely vital role does this scene have in advancing the story? Consent is not enough. Wanting is not enough. We're encouraging teens to turn their bodies into used cars, dented, scraped, scarred, and baggage laden, for what? Why is this hollowing out of self and morality good? This serves no benefit for teens and the overall state of relationships. Consent has become an excuse for all sorts of undesirable, immoral, even illegal behavior, but we're supposed to think that everyone agreeing makes whatever they agree to okay. It's incredibly obvious that feminism and the sexual revolution didn't free women, but chain them in a prison of animalistic, unsatisfying desire, dooming them to jadedness, frustration, and loneliness. But they're so responsible! So mature! By such logic, a responsible sixteen-year-old should be able to buy guns, alcohol, and drugs. But identity! No, identity doesn't mandate a book with graphic imagery, nor is it “sexuality” or “feeling seen” or any other term you hide behind. Witness the tattered remains of social morality that writers do not balk at writing this for teens. They should balk at writing this for anyone. Once we recognized that betterment came through battling temptations. It is not difficult to see how the enforced normalization of all this was also an effective ridding of undesirable shame. Not only have we banished feeling bad, we've enforced celebration of what shame once kept in line. But they'll never be prepared! How did any of us get here if none of this existed for millennia? But look at the sales! Many people also bought rock pets. Deviants and defenders will attempt to claim that (a) this sort of stuff always existed, which isn't really a reason for its continuance, and (b) previous generations were undoubtedly stifled in their inability to express their true selves. Perhaps. And yet, previous generations built civilization, with significantly less medical prescriptions too. Previous generations were better at family and community, meaning and purpose. We have “experiences.” But this is what married people do! Some writers introduce a faux or rushed marriage into the plot, perhaps because their weakening moral compass prevents writing an explicit scene between unmarried characters. Marrying the characters and making them eighteen doesn't magically okay writing this for teens. Everyone does it—indeed there are many common bodily functions which shouldn't be demonstrated in public—isn't either reason enough. Pressures to include these scenes is evidenced by authors long regarded as “clean” storytellers, authors who won't swear or indulge in graphic or gratuitous content, authors who clearly express Christian beliefs in their acknowledgements, writing them too. Would they give this book to their priest? To a young church member? Would they read the scene aloud for family or friends or the very teens they write for? If even the professed religious authors do not have the fortitude to oppose this, if even they can be convinced of the supposed validity, then gone is the bulwark protecting children from the psychological and moral damage resulting from these scenes. But inclusivity! We must reflect the world around them! Considering what's in these books, all should pray teens aren't seeing this around them. Either way, that doesn't excuse writing about it. Moreover, cries for inclusivity from those shutting down differing opinions are inherently without substance. True inclusivity is achieved when stories focus on universal truths and laudatory values shared by all. The fundamental argument is that “could” is not “should”, and the only reliable arbiter between the two is Divinely-based morality. Current permissiveness is only possible in a society which worked for decades to expunge religion from its vital foundational position and influence. The demonization piled atop its degradation was simple insurance that the moral truths of religion wouldn't interfere with the newly established secular order. We can still be good people, they claimed. Witness the tattered remains. Allowing, championing, this sort of writing has not made us better, and instead of listening to concerns, activists and proponents double down. Need you any proof of the separation between ethics and morality and elitism and academia, scroll through an article or two in defense of these scenes. The more “educated” the individual, the twisted the pretzel of rationalization. Rational lies, all of them. These lies are prominently center of the new crusade against so-called “book banning,” although the books are still available at retailers and publishers. Fueled by self-righteous hysteria, activists take great pride in influencing state legislatures to enact decrees against book bans in protection of “lived experiences,” representation, and the like. If a teen doesn't see two boys or girls or more sleeping together, so the thinking goes, then they face imminent, unspecified harm, never mind that their sacred voice has been quashed. They claim BIPOC and queer authors are specifically targeted, failing to mention it's the content not the author rejected. Somehow the bigots are the ones who don't want kids reduced to “sexuality”, while the tolerant are the ones who do. Need anyone ask if these protections extend to writers who don't align or even disagree with their worldview? I'd say these books are better suited for adults, but adults are despairing of the unreadability of books in their categories too. And that aside from the targeted “decolonization” of books and authors that adults, especially men, enjoyed reading. From the myriad of books extant, no plot was ever turned, no story ever dependent upon an explicit scene, in the bedroom or elsewhere. Neither does such render the work art or literature, but rather indecent and abhorrent. Parents struggle to encourage their kids to read when such are the books available. ELIMINATING THE WEST For some time, agents have specifically requested non-western narratives, histories, and legends. Atop the deteriorating state of the current education system, teens aren't being presented with a fictionalized character in history, which may thereby spark interest and curiosity in real history. No wonder they know so little of the past when they're not offered history at all. What does make it in represents very select time periods. Other permitted historical fiction is alternative histories where the past is magicked or reimagined, almost always in some gender swapped way. While alternative histories can be creative, the lack of regular historical fiction seems to indicate the only permitted history is a remade one. Otherwise, most of western history isn't on shelves because no one wants to represent it. Which means no one's fighting for it to be published. Which means young readers aren't given glimpses into the past that made this present and will highly influence the future. And this from those who claim large swaths of the population don't properly teach history. The same who pushed the fabricated and widely debunked lie that slavery was unique to the west, the only culture who actively sought to end it. The same who have yet to consider the absolute necessity of mandating schools to teach the true horrors of communism done right. The same who have a monochrome view of colonization and chameleon approach to the faux oppressed-oppressor narrative. A rather high volume of Asian-based stories, histories, and mythologies fill the market instead. The proliferation of Asian and other eastern fiction isn't objectively concerning, but it's deliberate increase alongside western stories' deliberate decrease is. It's less an expansion of viewpoints and more a supplanting of anything west. I grew up reading historical fiction, but there's a dearth on shelves for teen readers, who must see where we come from through the eyes of characters resembling our ancestors. Instead of walking through time in their shoes and understanding their struggles in the context of when they lived, we project modern ideologies upon the one protagonist somehow vastly ahead of her time. It's deliberately false and disconnects readers from the world that created the one we live in. Whatever your opinion of our world, it was formed in those histories, and we cannot appreciate the present without understanding the world that made it. MENTAL HEALTH Another major trend in teen fiction is the focus on the broad category of mental health, its emergence unsurprising considering the uptick in modern society. Whatever the viewpoint on diagnoses, the truth is that the ones calling for greater awareness have much to do with having caused the issues. Teens living in the most prosperous, free society that ever was should not have such measures of mental health struggles, yet they do. Skim the messaging of the last several decades and it's no wonder why. Teens are raised on a bombardment of lies and damaging viewpoints resulting in a precarious Jenga structure at their foundation. For decades they've been told they can sleep around without lasting consequence, negating the need to build deep, lasting, exclusive relationships. Families, a fundamental source of meaning and grounding, have been shoved aside for the faux glory of sleeping with whomever, whenever, and the new solution of “found family”. Just because a pill supposedly prevents biological consequences doesn't mean a different sort of toll hasn't been exacted. And that follows the perpetual degradation of dress, reducing the entirety of an individual to a form as valued or devalued as any other physical object. Added to the disrespect of the body is the incessant, unfounded claim that “climate change” is going to destroy the planet by…well, soon. Never mind that we're doing better than before, and all predictions have been proven wrong. Imagine what continual doom and gloom does to the mental state of a teenager already grappling with ping-ponging hormones, who should be presented with optimism for the future they're about old enough to create. Well, we have a pill for that too. Teens have been told the American dream is gone by those who set out to destroy it, that American greatness isn't worth dreaming about by those who recolored it a nightmare. Hobbies and collected skills, the work of their own hands, have been shunted for social media trends and unfettered internet access. Phones are given to younger and younger kids, so they don't grow up in the tangible, real world but an algorithmic, digital one. Inevitably, the worst of that world affects them. They're told that they're hated, feared for the way they were born. They're told they're not even who they've been since birth, basic facts purposely turned into issues and doubts to shake the foundation of self. Those most adamant about the contrived need for teens to discover identity are the most diligent at axing their very roots. The response to the mental health crisis, the jadedness, the internal turmoil they've helped facilitate by destroying the enduring, reliable fabric of society is to encourage more of the same empty, hollowing behaviors. Atop all this is never-ending rage, rage, rage. At the base is the deliberate removal of religion. No matter an individual's choice of observance, religion undeniably provides what liberal society and decadence cannot; meaning. Eternal, enduring meaning. The knowing that you're more than a clump of cells passing through this timespan, because you are an integral link in a chain reaching back millennia. Your ancestors didn't endure hardships or fight to build civilization so you could be the end of the line, but so you could gratefully take your place in it. You and your actions matter. Not because you're a political vote or celebrated community, but because you were made in the image of G-d Who woke you today as there's something only you can do in His world. What effect would the proliferation of this messaging in literature have on the mental state of the youth? And for those pontificating about diversity and inclusion, who in truth only want different skin colors espousing the same beliefs, there is no greater unifier than religion. Belief in a higher power unites individuals of different backgrounds, colors, and, most valuably, opinions, in ways no mandate or ideology ever can. While lengthy, the above in no way encompasses all the changes, reasons, and effects pertaining to the devolution of teen fiction. And, as the focus is not on talent but content, it can be shifted as easily as it was before. You may disagree with everything I've written. You may accuse me of jealousy, hatred, bigotry, racism, misogyny, xenophobia, erasure, et al. I only encourage you to look for yourself. Peruse bookstore aisles; click through new releases; check who's getting awards. What do your eyes see?

In this special year-end episode, we revisit the conversations you loved most in 2025: honest, hope-filled moments about intimacy, relationships, sexuality, and the God who designed us for connection. These clips capture the wisdom, clarity, and compassion that resonated deeply with listeners all year long. Whether you're new to the podcast or want a fresh dose of encouragement, this highlight reel brings together the insights that helped people grow in intimacy with God and with each other.  And here are links to the full conversations from which the excerpts were taken for this episode: - Overcoming Contradictions Between What You "Know" and What You Feel About Love, God, Intimacy, and Sex with Michael J. Cusick - Knowing and Being Known: Fulfilling Your Need for Intimacy with Erin F. Moniz - How to Find True Connection Through Courageous Authenticity with Tom Bennardo - From Criticism to Blessing: Transforming How You Speak to Your Spouse with Ann Wilson - More Than Behavior: What Surrendering Your Sexuality to Jesus Means with Dr. Juli Slattery Relationship Prescriptions is listener supported. That means YOU! Would you prayerfully consider how God might ask you to support this ministry financially? And then make your best year-end tax-deductible contribution today. Dr. Carol loves to hear from you! You can leave a confidential comment here. 

Terry Real is a therapist and best-selling author expert on male emotional health and how men can build the skills for healthy relating to others: in relationships, work, friendships and to themselves. We discuss how mixed and ever-changing messages about what masculinity is are impacting the mental and physical health of men and boys. Terry explains how learning the skill of "relationality" leads to improvements in all aspects of boys' and men's lives and shares practical tools for how to do that. We also discuss the essential role of having a close male community to build confidence and self-esteem. This conversation offers actionable guidance for boys, men and women seeking to build healthier relationships with themselves and others. Read the episode show notes at hubermanlab.com. Thank you to our sponsors AG1: https://drinkag1.com/huberman BetterHelp: https://betterhelp.com/huberman David: https://davidprotein.com/huberman Function: https://functionhealth.com/huberman Waking Up: https://wakingup.com/huberman Timestamps (00:00:00) Terry Real (00:02:53) Men & Masculinity, Political vs Psychological Patriarchy, Feminism (00:07:39) Stoicism, Vulnerability, Traditional Masculinity, Emotions (00:10:50) Sponsors: BetterHelp & David (00:13:14) Masculinity Across Decades, Giving; Gratification vs Relational Joy (00:21:54) Healthy Emotional Expression, Connection & Vulnerability; Self-Esteem (00:31:17) Feeling Emotions, Tools: Asking For Help; Fights & "What Do You Need?" (00:35:10) Self-Esteem & Relationship Accountability; Criticism, Redefining Strength (00:40:47) Sponsor: AG1 (00:42:32) Healthy Criticism, Tool: Women & Articulating Needs (00:50:21) Childlike Behavior, Wise Adult & Trauma, Tool: Relational Mindfulness (00:58:11) Tool: Responsible Distance Taking; Self-Interest; Relationship "Biosphere" (01:08:14) Alcohol, Men & Friends, Loneliness, Men's Retreat (01:17:51) Fraternities, Men's Groups, Tool: Relationship vs Individual Support (01:25:39) Sponsor: Function (01:27:27) Lack of Male Friends, Hiking, Community, Teaching Young Men (01:36:11) Cannabis, Alcohol, Young Men & Purpose, Flexibility & Manliness (01:40:40) Work, Life Purpose & Men; Skillful Warriors (01:45:01) Absent Fathers; Early Childhood & Proper Nurturing; Caretaking (01:53:24) Sponsor: Waking Up (01:54:47) Women & Speaking Relationally, Objectivity Battle (01:59:02) Addiction & Disconnection, 12-Step Meetings & Fellowship (02:08:04) Pornography, Internet, Intensity vs Intimacy; Optimization (02:11:57) Tool: Families & Hanging Out; Relational Joy; Relational Recovery (02:22:29) Giving Criticism, Tools: Make Requests; Feedback Wheel (02:28:21) Gratitude, Aging; Skillful Fighting in Relationship & Repair (02:34:17) Men & Self-Esteem, Mentors, Tool: Inner Dialogue without Harshness (02:44:00) Y Chromosome, Wholeness (02:48:00) Zero-Cost Support, YouTube, Spotify & Apple Follow, Reviews & Feedback, Sponsors, Protocols Book, Social Media, Neural Network Newsletter Disclaimer & Disclosures Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Send us a textIn this enlightening episode of Living the Dream with Curveball, we are joined by Jeffrey Nuziard, the visionary founder of Sexual Wellness Centers of America. At just 40 years old, Jeff faced a personal health crisis that could have defined his future, but instead, it ignited a passion to help others reclaim their sexual health. He shares his remarkable journey of developing a patented protocol that boasts a 97.2% success rate in treating erectile dysfunction, offering hope to countless men and women. Jeff discusses the stigma surrounding sexual wellness and how he is breaking down barriers to foster open conversations about intimacy and confidence. Listeners will be inspired by his insights into the emotional and physical aspects of sexual health, as well as the importance of addressing the root causes of dysfunction. Tune in for a heartfelt discussion about the power of resilience and the impact of sexual wellness on overall health and relationships. Discover more about Jeff and his work at www.regenmax.com.Support the show

New Year, New Diamond Intimacy — What Really Needs to Shift In this final episode of the New Year, New Diamond Intimacy series, Dr. Sonia explores what truly stands in the way of creating the intimacy you want—and why it's often not what you think. Many women believe intimacy will improve if they try harder, push through exhaustion, or fix themselves. In this episode, Dr. Sonia offers a powerful reframe: intimacy doesn't respond to pressure—it responds to safety, self-compassion, and support. You'll learn why tiredness, low desire, body changes, and communication challenges aren't obstacles to overcome, but signals pointing to what needs care and intention. This episode invites you to move from self-blame to self-support and to see intimacy as something to be nurtured, not forced. This conversation brings the three-part series together with a clear message: you are not broken—you are evolving, and your intimacy gets to evolve with you. ✨ This episode also shares information about The New Year, New Diamond Intimacy Experience, a high-touch coaching opportunity for women ready to create intimacy that feels aligned, nourishing, and alive.

In this episode, you're getting the best of the best of The Mel Robbins Podcast. These are the 9 moments people couldn't stop talking about this year. In 2025, Mel released 106 episodes of the podcast and featured 75 experts who shared their transformative insights on health, relationships, mindset, and more. Together, this adds up to thousands of takeaways. Because your time is valuable, Mel is giving you a gift today: She and her team crunched the data, reviewed hundreds of hours of content, analyzed listener feedback, and pinpointed the moments you saved, replayed, and wrote about – the moments that made people sit up straighter, breathe deeper, and whisper, “Oh… that explains everything.” Whether you're new to the podcast, are figuring out which episodes to listen to next, or want to hear the most impactful advice summarized, today's episode is for you. These 9 ideas changed something in how you see yourself, how you heal, how you eat, how you love, how you relate to your family, and what you believe is still possible for your life. If you're ready for the kind of insight that rearranges how you think and how you live, start with these 9 moments people couldn't stop talking about – including the #1 most-shared episode of the entire year on both Spotify and Apple Podcasts. This episode is the cheat sheet for the level-up in life you have been looking for. Want more from these experts? Check out the full episodes here: Jay Shetty: A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want | Apple | Spotify | YouTubeDanielle Bayard Jackson: It's Not You: The Real Reason Adult Friendship Is So Hard & 3 Ways to Make It Easier | Apple | Spotify | YouTubeDr. Dawn Mussallem: Mayo Clinic Cancer Doctor: 5 Foods That Heal the Body, Starve Cancer, & Prevent Disease | Apple | Spotify | YouTubeVanessa Marin: Your Guide to Better Sex, Intimacy, & Love From a World-Leading Sex Therapist | Apple | Spotify | YouTubeJason Wilson: The Real Reason Boys and Men Are Quietly Giving Up & What They Need to Hear | Apple | Spotify | YouTubeDr. Stacy Sims: The Body Reset: How Women Should Eat & Exercise for Health, Fat Loss, & Energy | Apple | Spotify | YouTubeDr. Vonda Wright: Look, Feel, & Stay Young Forever: #1 Orthopedic Surgeon's Proven Protocol | Apple | Spotify | YouTubeDr. Gabor Mate: Why You Feel Lost in Life: Dr. Gabor Maté on Trauma & How to Heal | Apple | Spotify | YouTubeBryan Stevenson: This Conversation Will Change Your Life: Do This to Find Purpose & Meaning | Apple | Spotify | YouTubeFor more resources related to today's episode, click here for the podcast episode page.  As a gift to listeners of The Mel Robbins Podcast, Mel has created a free 20-page workbook to help you make 2026 a great year. This workbook is designed using the latest research to help you get clear about what you want and empower you to take the next step forward in your life. And the cool part? It takes less than a minute for you to get your hands on it. Just sign up at melrobbins.com/bestyear. Connect with Mel:   Get on the waitlist for Pure GeniusGet Mel's newsletter, packed with tools, coaching, and inspiration.Get Mel's #1 bestselling book, The Let Them TheoryWatch the episodes on YouTubeFollow Mel on Instagram The Mel Robbins Podcast InstagramMel's TikTok Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes ad-freeDisclaimer Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.