AFTERGLOW: A Bachelor Podcast

Well, here we are - the final episode of greatest reality show ever to grace our television shows - we're talking about ABC's Listen To Your Heart. Chris and Danielle do a deep dive into everything that happened this week, and the result is an extremely amazing episode of this podcast that you're going to remember for a long, long time.

Chris and Danielle are here for another recap of ABC's LISTEN TO YOUR HEART, also known as a little taste of heaven that comes across our television screens every Monday. We talk about everything that happened in week 5, from the drama between Matt and Rudy to all the amazing performances and everything in between. Thanks for listening, don't tell any of your friends about this wonderful little podcast.

Episode 4 was a doozy, and Chris and Danielle were there to unpack everything immediately afterwards, with the help of a very well-received jar of pickles sent to us by a loyal listener! Hope you like the sweet sweet sounds of us chompin' away at some sweet sweet pickles for an entire episode, suckers!

Does anybody read these? Chris and Danielle recap week 3 of The Bachelor's Listen To Your Heart show, which is quickly becoming their favorite must-see TV show of the season. Thanks for listening everybody!

Chris and Danielle tackle episode 2 of The Bachelor Presents: Listen To Your Heart, which is pretty much the greatest fucking show that ABC has ever produced. They do a deep dive on all the happenings, from the bad kisses to the surprisingly awesome musical moments. Also they talk about possibly living in a sexless world, rubbing bubbles, and human leashes. 

Yep, AFTERGLOW has come out of hibernation for a unsurprisingly entertaining podcast recap of the premiere episode of Listen To Your Heart, the latest spinoff of the hit Bachelor TV franchise. Chris and Danielle are quarantined but that doesn't keep them from spitting out hot takes left and right! Here's a spoiler: they think the show's format is awesome and can't wait for next week.

We're just not gonna sit back and let AFTERGLOW rot away, are you kidding me? This week, Chris and Danielle record an episode from the comfort of their living room and talk about the COVID-19, videogame streaming, not murdering each other, and a whole lot more!

Spoiler alert: Chris, Adam, Lara, and Danielle barely even mention "The Bachelor" in this ambitious, supersized, insano entertaining edition of AFTERGLOW. Let's put it this way: during the podcast it is revealed that Danielle doesn't know what PornHub is. We talk about Greg Kinnear, ASMR, and how our lives have changed since the coronavirus has completely upended our lives. 

Chris, Adam, and Danielle are in studio unpacking the absolute insanity that is the two-part Bachelor finale. Oh my God, is there a lot to unpack. From Peter's awful proposal, to Hannah Ann's phenomenal "I'm getting broken up with" outfit, to Barb reigning terror on everyone, to Peter's decision to be with Madison AFTER PROPOSING TO ANOTHER WOMAN... yeah, we dive into all of this this week.

The boys are back in town! It's the Chris and Adam show this week, as Lara had prior engagements. Speaking of engagements, we're only one week away from the finale of Peter's season of the Bachelor. We unpack and discuss everything that happened during the Women Tell All episode!

Here we go, everybody. Peter has finally reached the fantasy suite week, which we are positive he had marked on his calendar when he first agreed to be on the show. We're here to talk about everything that happened on this episode, from the Madison drama to Peter's inability to recognize when his girlfriend is cold to us starting our own high school assembly tour show about sex. Thanks for listening!

This week, we immediately address last week's hater who sent a followup email and then go right into the happenings of this week's hometown visit episode of The Bachelor. Peter actually behaved like a normal human being this week and we're all better off for it. This episode featured Chris, Adam, and Lara on their best behavior, totally trying to stay on topic the whole time. Totally.

Buckle in, because this is a huge episode. We received our first-ever complaint about the podcast and spend approximately three hours talking about it. But when we're done with that, we talk about religion, sex, Peter's buffoonery, and Disney princesses. It's a great show this week that will absolutely get us more complaints.

Great news: Adam, Chris, AND Lara are all in studio to talk about Wednesday night's dramatic super-extra bonus episode of the Bachelor! They talk Mykenna, Victorias, Haaaaaan... the whole gang. Topics include: "female empowerment" and whether or not the women rehearse their goodbye limo speeches.

Our guest host flaked at the last minute (probably blew us off to go do whatever it is cool 23 year-old girls do in San Diego) so it's just Adam and Chris in the studio recapping Monday's goddamn marathon episode of the Bachelor. Listen until the very end for an excellent idea for a Bachelor spinoff! (Spoiler: it's dark.)

With Adam out gallivanting around in Seattle, Chris welcomes Lara into the studio to help him out discussing week 4 of the Bachelor starring Peter the Pilot. In a shock to all, they actually stay on topic for most of the episode and dig deep into a lot of topics, from the deviousness of the Bachelor's producers to whether or not Peter is equipped to handle this much drama coming from multiple 23 year-olds.

Adam and Chris are alone in the studio left to their own devices. Luckily they have plenty of wine which leads to a completely random tangent about which famous Hollywood actors' penises they would like to see on the big screen. They also talk about this week's Bachelor episode and the complete and utter lack of a goddamn promised pool party.

*NOTE: Excuse the high pitched sound throughout the entire show, ugh.. this will be fixed next week*... Adam and Chris are back with episode number two, and guess who joins in studio this week: a girl who is responsible for shaping the minds of young men and women all over San Diego. Yep, our friend Nicole who is a teacher drops by to engage in an absolutely ridiculous conversation about the Bachelor and everything possible related to it. It gets WEIRD quick, everybody.

Chris and Adam are BACK with the return episode of AFTERGLOW, the best 30 minutes of your week (or 60, as it turns out). Joining them in studio is Danielle, who sits in horror as the conversation eventually turns into fingerbanging about halfway through this Bachelor podcast. But don't worry, we talk about the premiere episode of Peter's season of ABC's hit show THE BACHELOR at various points. 

This is the official end-of-season after spectacular, and boy was it a blast to record. Adam and Chris touch on everything from cats falling out of trees, Courtney's new role in our organization, having a threesome with Kristina, whether or not tickling is sexual assault, and much much more. Enjoy, and thank you for listening this past year! We'll see you soon!

Chris and Adam are in studio for a very special Friday edition of afterglow, enjoy! (Note: no new episode next week, they'll be back in two weeks for a super-sized finale spectacular!)

We'll be back next week for your regularly scheduled programming!    

It's Wine Wednesday once again in the afterglow studios! Courtney isn't here this week yet again, so it's time for the two idiots to steer the ship. We talk about the latest Bachelor in Paradise episode (spoiler: we hate Dean with a fiery passion) and also try to figure out how much of an actual cat has to be human in order for Adam to bang it. 

Adam and Chris drink a bottle of wine each and do a podcast. To repeat: Adam and Chris drink of a bottle of wine each and do a podcast. THEY WROTE THIS DESCRIPTION AFTER A BOTTLE OF WINE EACH. THAT'S HOW COMMITTED THEY ARE.

It's the Bachelorette season finale edition of afterglow! The gang is all here, they talk about how boring a season it was... for about 10 minutes. The other 20 minutes are spent chatting about presumed penis sizes, Chris's stalker, and Courtney's vagina. All of this and much more! Thanks for listening everybody. We love you more than your parents ever could.

For the first time ever, Chris and Adam do a live podcast that is uploaded without any editing whatsoever. With no Courtney to boss them around and micromanage them to utter despair, they take the time to talk about the Men Tell All special they just watched, as well as about a million other random things. They had a blast recording this, hope you listeners have a blast experiencing it!

The remaining three contestants visit Rachel's family, and later, Eric gets it in with Rachel during the first fantasy suite date. Meanwhile, the gang gets some bad news about their TidyCats sponsorship.

The whole gang is here, they're a little buzzed, and Adam and Chris get into an epic argument over Dean's dad. 

Chris and Adam are here this week after a 1-week absence to talk about all things the Bachelorette. After the events of this episode, we are down to the final four and they guys dissect everything you need to know. They also dissect things you didn't care about knowing, like what is the protocol for selling an expensive watch your ex-girlfriend gave you as a gift. Thanks for listening!

After a four-hour-long Bachelorette viewing session, Chris and Courtney are in the studio to break down everything you could think of, from Chris encountering an awkward situation in his life to Courtney deciding whether or not Chris would be a fun person to the go to the amusement park. But don't worry, they also touch upon that hilariously creepy Jack Stone Face, and dissect Kenny King like only they know how. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: we barely talk about the show this week. For real, it's like 25 minutes of off-topic insanity, with 5 minutes of Bachelorette talk sprinkled in. Disclaimer #2: Chris is an idiot and had his mic turned way too much up the whole time, so sorry if his mic sounds a little hot. Disclaimer #3: Shockingly, the TidyCats people have not furiously contacted us... yet.

With no new episode of The Bachelorette lined up this week, Chris and Adam take this opportunity to present a brand-new podcast concept. In what will hopefully be the first of many self-help podcasts on topics that they are most *definitely* experts on, they tackle the very important milestone moment of a man or woman's first orgy. During the show they'll walk you through every step of an orgy, from invite to cleanup. So sit back, relax, and imagine the two of them naked while you listen to what is technically the pilot episode of "I Broke My Arm So I Put It In A Podcast"

Chris and Adam are alone in the studio today, which means more dick jokes than usual, testosterone flowing freely, and all the protein waffles one can eat. They also manage to touch on a topical social issue, namely why the heck nobody bats an eye when this show makes guys wrestle in the mud while randoms in the crowd scream "show us your junk". They also talk about Ellen, Whaboom, Tinder dates, and carpool lanes. Thanks for listening!

The gang is back talking about episode 2 of Rachel's season. They discuss the basketball game, the drama concerning DeMario, and Peter's amazingness. Adam also gets angry when accused of racism, the guys talk about large penises, and Chris' shirt almost gets popped off in-studio. And let's not forget about Courtney!

Chris, Adam, and Courtney are back to talk about the premiere episode of Rachel's Bachelorette season. The Racist Buzzer makes its triumphant return to the podcast, and Adam picks on Chris for still liking professional wrestling. Adam later falls into a deep depression from doing the podcast without champagne, and nobody realized Courtney's microphone was on way too low until it was way too late. It's a fun one, thanks for listening!

Well, we've reached the end! The gang is back for one last podcast talking about Nick Viall. He chose poorly in the season finale, and we rake him over the coals about it. BUT THE BEST PART IS THE BUZZER. THE BUZZER IS COPYRIGHTED BY US AND NOBODY ELSE BETTER STEAL THIS IDEA FOR RACHEL'S BACHELORETTE SEASON PODCASTS! What the hell is this referring to? Tune in and find out! And thanks to everybody for listening all season, we'll see you in a few months! 

Adam is absent this week, so join Chris, Courtney, and Courtney's Adam impression as they go over this week's episode of The Bachelor. (They heap praise upon Corinne and wish immense suffering on Taylor and Liz, for what that's worth.) Oh, and just in case you thought they'd stay on topic this week, they also talk about bad sex, viagra, and reindeer - but thankfully not all in the same immediate conversation.

In this sex-fueled edition of afterglow, the guys take full advantage of Courtney's absence by talking about getting older and yelling at clouds, sex on waterbeds, and poor Raven's ex-boyfriend whose life is now ruined. This past episode of the Bachelor was only 60 minutes long but that doesn't keep Adam and Chris from laying down a classic episode of the podcast. Thanks for listening, and enjoy!

It's hometown visits time, and Chris, Courtney, and Adam are here to break down exactly what happened this week on the Bachelor. Not to outdo themselves, they also touch on olives and cucumbers, African American church services, and try to coach Chris through his first Bumble experience. 

On this special Valentine's Day edition of afterglow, the gang talks about the latest happenings on The Bachelor. But don't worry, they also talk about all the ways to interact with a vagina, breaking up with people via notes, and the perils of jogging with big boobs. Oh, and none other than Tracy Morgan and Elmo from Sesame Street join the action live in studio!

So Nick may or may not have lost his marbles this week on the Bachelor - and luckily, Chris, Adam, and Courtney are here to try to make sense of all the madness. They also touch upon guys loving "the chase", drunken living room yoga poses, and Adam accidentally calls Corinne "Courtney" in the most Freudian slip of all time. Stay tuned post-credits for bonus audio of Courtney's foot falling asleep!

With Courtney not in the studio, the guys let loose and basically sing the praises of Corinne for 30+ minutes. They also go over Nick's lisp, how cold it was during that rose ceremony, the voodoofication of New Orleans, and much much more. Oh, and they also discuss REALLY important issues  such as McDonald's, stomach cramps, and whether or not it's insane to hang your t-shirts up in your closet.

The gang discusses the complete turnaround of Corinne, manure strategy, and the impending downfall of Taylor. But don't worry, they also touch upon Winnie Cooper, Boy Meets World, and and much more! Stay tuned after the final credits to witness a Chris mental breakdown.

In the second half of this jumbo episode, the gang discuss growing up at the rollerskating rink, Katie Holmes, how expensive Bachelor dates probably are, and yes - everybody tries their hand at singing that Backstreet Boys song. 

In the first half-hour of a supersized two-part podcast, the guys welcome Courtney to the studio where they talk about all things Corinne. And by all things Corinne, they also discuss the last time they cried, how great having a nanny would be, and if the bouncy house people just said "eh, we don't wanna hose the thing down, just keep it" to Chris Harrison when they delivered it to the mansion.

Chris and Adam tackle week 2 of The Bachelor! The guys discuss why ABC can't show naked butts on TV, Corinne's boob strategy, alternate museum date destinations, and they even go pretty dark and explore Danielle's tragic past. They've watched too much of It's Always Sunny in their lives, so naturally they wondered what exactly her fiancee overdosed from. All this and more in a wine-fueled edition of afterglow: a bachelor podcast! 

Chris (faithful Bachelor fanatic) and guest-host Adam (who has never watched the show before) go over the first episode of Nick Viall's season of The Bachelor. They touch upon race, love at first sight, first impression roses, and much more - including but not limited to camel strategy, life in San Diego, overpriced Michael Kors watches, and Shark Girl's instagram prowess.