On Redemption

"How should a story end? Is it finally getting answers to all of the burning questions? Is it the completion of one mission and the start of the next? Is it the destruction of the bad guys and the good guys gaining back what was once theirs?"

"I just keep seeing the joy of the Lord all over you. It is like gold shining over your face. Your presence changes the atmosphere because of Christ in you,” the male voice stated. My eyes opened to smile at the young man giving me the prophetic word. Without permission, I pulled him in for a hug and we went back to our dancing."

"A single conversation can change the trajectory of your life. These unplanned conversations spark a light inside to take larger risks than normally taken. I, for one, did not expect this kind of conversation late last summer."

"Jesus reminded me to keep waiting, for the time to meet her would come. And so, I kept waiting."

"The man placed his shoes on the ground next to him and stood up. In amazement, all of us cried with joy about what Jesus had done. A simple act of obedience changed this man forever."

"The conversation felt like fresh rain in the summer heat, reviving all of the vegetation man thought had died. I could not ask for more in a friend than her."

"Thirty years of purity gone. Thirty years of waiting gone. Any dream or vision of her and the kids disappeared."

"In victory, I held the black helmet over my head and with all of my strength hurled it into the abyss. The helmet bounced off the cliff and echoed until the ground shook once more. At the voice’s command, the land to pulled back together. The ground smoothed over as if the earthquake never occurred. Instantly, grass begun to grow over the desert floor and the most beautiful flowers—shades of lavender, rose and teal—grew along the previous fault line. I took a step back to leave, but almost tripped on something beneath my feet. A shiny new helmet waited for me."

I whispered a short prayer, “Jesus, if a man could mismatch any religion they want to satisfy their needs then I can too. Or maybe religion is just make-believe. I don’t want your gifting anymore. I don’t need your Spirit.” In two simple statements, I proclaimed a spiritual detachment from Jesus and His Spirit. Who needed faith anyways?

"A gentle hand slid beneath my head and lifted it upwards. I opened my eyes to see burning flames in the eyes peering down at me. The man placed my helmet back on my head and stated, 'It’s time to get up. We need you.'"

"I am wiser now / Knowing the difference of true and temporary strength / The sly spoke of new life / But a still small voice told me otherwise" If you have enjoyed this podcast, please share with friends, leave a review and like our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/onredemption/

"I knew what the God-man accomplished. I stared at Him, then at the pearls and back at Him again. I confidently shook my head no and returned to kissing my precious pearls. I had my earthly treasure." If you have enjoyed this podcast, please share with friends, leave a review and like our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/onredemption/

"We live in a society where we feel that as individuals, nothing can shape us or harm us. We are free thinkers only influenced by what we want to be influenced by. The reality is, that is totally false." If you have enjoyed this podcast, please share with friends, leave a review and like our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/onredemption/

“I don’t believe you have schizoaffective disorder. I am not even confident you are schizophrenic either.” With his statement, my face now mirrored his as I wrestled with his prognosis. “Yes, you have described your symptoms. And the symptoms are all there, but your affect. The way you carry yourself. The articulation of your words. It does not match up.” If you have enjoyed this podcast, please share with friends, leave a review and like our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/onredemption/

"With gratefulness to Saphris, the dreams and visions stopped. In frustration, I lost my outlet to God. With appreciation to Saphris, I did not feel crazy. With criticism, I had no feelings to feel. With thankfulness to Saphirs, I did not feel suicidal anymore. In reality, I did not want to die because I already felt dead inside." If you have enjoyed this podcast, please share with friends, leave a review and like our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/onredemption/

"I settled into this reality. Simple explanations caused more psychological and spiritual damage than good. The pervasive black and white remarks about the spiritual state of homosexuals grieved me to suicide each day. And I found grace in Bryan’s remarks." If you have enjoyed this podcast, please share with friends, leave a review and like our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/onredemption/ Book Edits: Diego Vogel

"In frustration, I paced up and down the rural, dirt road and blurted out a question, 'What do I do with all of this gay stuff?' " If you have enjoyed this podcast, please share with friends, leave a review and like our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/onredemption/ Book Edits: Diego Vogel & Krissalyn Love

"i will fight for you i will fight with you as a fellow outcast, an outsider i will not leave your story won’t be unheard your face won’t be erased it is not your fault the cup you have been given is harder to swallow than most still, i will fight for you remember, your life is not forsaken" If you have enjoyed this podcast, please share with friends, leave a review and like our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/onredemption/ Book Edits: Diego Vogel

" In shock, I sat in a vehicle with a group of missionaries spewing homophobic jokes and rhetoric within the first minutes of getting acquainted. Images of self-destruction replayed in my mind as the hollow laughter bounced inside the van. Why did God let me come to this place?" If you have enjoyed this podcast, please share with friends, leave a review and like our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/onredemption/ Audio Edits: Mark Walz Book Edits: Diego Vogel

"We kept each other company over hot cups of tea as our young minds wrestled with taking on any world problem together. I looked at her as if I knew her since my childhood. Our relationship felt innocent, safe and filled with kindness. Caroline felt like the half of me I had been searching for." If you have enjoyed this podcast, please share with friends, leave a review and like our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/onredemption/ Audio Edits: Mark Walz Book Edits: Krisslynn Love + Diego Vogel

“Mr. Whittaker spoke from the vantage point of pure grace and mercy. I did not hear condemnation in his lectures, only words carrying love and redemption. He briefly mentioned homosexuality along with other issues like lust, greed or slander. I would have felt damned before, but here, I only felt compassion.” If you have enjoyed this podcast, please share with friends, leave a review and like our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/onredemption/ Audio Edits: Mark Walz Book Edits: Krisslynn Love + Diego Vogel

“A distant God and I were the beach’s only occupants and I began to wrestle with Him. The anger deepened as I screamed louder for anyone to hear me. Suddenly, the confession I vowed to not utter out loud slowly came out.” If you have enjoyed this podcast, please share with friends, leave a review and like our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/onredemption/ Audio Edits: Mark Walz Book Edits: Krisslynn Love + Diego Vogel

"Subconsciously, I busied myself with both work and academia to ignore the simmering sexuality questions." If you have enjoyed this podcast, please share with friends, leave a review and like our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/onredemption/ Audio Edits: Mark Walz Book Edits: Krisslynn Love + Diego Vogel

A warning about this track: There is some explicit language used. "I thought I could push every homosexual thought out of my mind. Television preachers yelled, “Keep your mind captive” to their flock as if the audience were new military cadets in bootcamp. I wondered if I was the only cadet with a gay thought." If you have enjoyed this podcast, please share with friends, leave a review and like our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/onredemption/ Audio Edits: Mark Walz Book Edits: Krisslynn Love + Diego and Dana Vogel

"To be in silence is to cast stones. And I chose to be a silent person in order to 'protect' myself from a harmless friendship. I began to wonder: Was it worth protecting oneself, when you have a front row seat of a single scapegoat getting trampled to death?" If you have enjoyed this podcast, please share with friends, leave a review and like our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/onredemption/ Audio Edits: Mark Walz Book Edits: Krisslynn Love + Diego and Dana Vogel

"Every person discovering their sexual orientation has a particular question in mind. And every person who knows about their non-heterosexual orientation has the exact same question. When did you first know?" If you have enjoyed this podcast, please share with friends, leave a review and like our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/onredemption/ Audio Edits: Mark Walz Book Edits: Krisslynn Love + Diego and Dana Vogel

From within the hospital walls, I made only two journal entries. Each written in an attempt at poetry... These are those poems.

"Desperation overtook my heart as I silently prayed she would have the answers to fix me. Reorienting my sexuality was the only way to make my depression and suicidal ideations stop. Instead, our conversation immediately changed topics." Book Edits: Krissalyn Love & Diego Vogel Audio Edits: Mark Walz Like our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/onredemption/

"When the medical staff asked if I had physical pain, a lie would escape my lips with a simple yes. My answer guaranteed me a pain pill with hope to sleep longer and subdue the faceless commander’s military orders. But nothing gave me relief." Book Edits: Krissalyn Love & Diego Vogel Audio Edits: Mark Walz Like our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/onredemption/

"Short and simple orders. Gather the pill quantity, toss them into my mouth, take a large swig of water, shallow, and repeat the process. The faceless commander knew best. He always knew best. Did he not?" Book Edits: Krissalyn Love Audio Edits: Mark Walz Like our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/onredemption/

"Maybe one day, we can exchange war stories we have conquered and not wade in a pool of defeat and sorrow. For some people, like myself, it takes half a decade or longer to get out of the pool to start engaging from a healthy mindset." Like our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/onredemption/

"It is, with a sad realization, narratives shared null of a prior relationship is often met with suspect, anger or contempt.... Still, honest narratives are powerful, need to be shared..." Like our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/onredemption/