Podcasts about Holy Land

In this episode, the focus is on clergy abuse—a topic made even more pressing by recent headlines. The featured guest, Sandy Phillips Kirkham, shares her harrowing ordeal of being abused by a charismatic youth pastor starting at the age of 16. Sandy discusses the grooming process, the five years of abuse, and how she was ultimately expelled from her church while her abuser was merely relocated. She delves into the long-lasting impact of the abuse on her life and her spiritual journey, how she concealed her trauma for 27 years, and how she ultimately confronted her abuser. Sandy also provides valuable insights and actionable advice for preventing abuse and supporting victims within church communities. Her story is also detailed in her book, ‘Let Me Prey on You,' which offers a detailed account of her journey from victim to advocate. 00:00 Introduction and Sponsor Message 00:47 Welcome to the Podcast 01:32 Introducing Today's Topic: Clergy Abuse 02:17 Sandy Phillips Kirkham's Early Life and Church Involvement 06:22 Meeting the Abuser: The Charismatic Youth Pastor 08:43 Red Flags and Grooming Tactics 13:51 The First Inappropriate Act 16:37 The Abuse Escalates 21:06 The Aftermath and Church's Response 28:15 Life After Abuse: Marriage and Keeping Secrets 32:09 Protecting Future Generations 35:17 The Importance of Sex Education in the Church 36:32 Techniques for Discussing Sex with Children 37:22 Personal Experiences with Sex Education 38:20 Triggering Memories and Emotional Breakdown 40:13 The Journey of Healing Begins 41:31 Understanding Clergy Abuse and Self-Forgiveness 43:52 Confronting the Abuser 47:07 Challenges in Seeking Justice 54:47 Preventing Abuse in the Church 01:00:31 Supporting Victims of Clergy Abuse 01:05:07 Final Thoughts and Resources Sandy Kirkham and her husband Bill enjoy life with their two grown children, two beautiful granddaughters, and two fairly well-behaved dogs. Sandy continues to use her voice to help victims of clergy abuse. She currently serves on the board of Council Against Child Abuse. Sandy has spoken before the Ohio Senate, a Maryland court, and appeared on a local television show in Boston. Her story, “Stolen Innocence,” was told in a documentary produced by The Hope of Survivors. Sandy works with survivors conducting victim support conferences. She has participated in The Voice of the Faithful (VOTF) panels moderated by SNAP (Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests), sharing her perspective from the non-Catholic point of view. Sandy has been a presenter/speaker at major events on clergy abuse including the Hope & Healing Conference. Sandy has earned a certificate of completion from the Faith Trust Institute entitled, “A Sacred Trust: Boundary Issues for Clergy and Spiritual Teachers.” https://sandyphillipskirkham.com/ https://www.facebook.com/KirkhamAuthor/  sandykirkhamauthor@gmail.com  Purchase her book “Let Me Prey Upon You” on amazon: https://sandyphillipskirkham.com/shop/let-me-prey-upon-you/   Link Tree   Website: https://dswministries.org Subscribe to the podcast: https://dswministries.org/subscribe-to-podcast/ Social media links: Join our Private Wounds of the Faithful FB Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1603903730020136 Twitter: https://twitter.com/DswMinistries YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxgIpWVQCmjqog0PMK4khDw/playlists Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dswministries/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DSW-Ministries-230135337033879 Keep in touch with me! Email subscribe to get my handpicked list of the best resources for abuse survivors! https://thoughtful-composer-4268.ck.page #abuse #trauma Affiliate links: Our Sponsor: 753 Academy: https://www.753academy.com/ Can't travel to The Holy Land right now? The next best thing is Walking The Bible Lands! Get a free video sample of the Bible lands here! https://www.walkingthebiblelands.com/a/18410/hN8u6LQP An easy way to help my ministry: https://dswministries.org/product/buy-me-a-cup-of-tea/ A donation link: https://dswministries.org/donate/   Sandy Phillips Kirkham [00:00:00] Special thanks to 7 5 3 Academy for sponsoring this episode. No matter where you are in your fitness and health journey, they've got you covered. They specialize in helping you exceed your health and fitness goals, whether that is losing body fat, gaining muscle, or nutritional coaching to match your fitness levels. They do it all with a written guarantee for results so you don't waste time and money on a program that doesn't exceed your goals. There are martial arts programs. Specialize in anti-bullying programs for kids to combat proven Filipino martial arts. They take a holistic, fun, and innovative approach that simply works. Sign up for your free class now. It's 7 5 3 academy.com. Find the link in the show notes. Welcome to the Wounds of the Faithful Podcast, brought to you by DSW Ministries. Your host is singer songwriter, speaker and domestic violence advocate, [00:01:00] Diana Winkler. She is passionate about helping survivors in the church heal from domestic violence and abuse and trauma. This podcast is not a substitute for professional counseling or qualified medical help. Now here is Diana. Hello. Welcome everyone. Welcome to my regular listeners, as well as some new listeners that have joined us today. I have a great guest for you today. We're going to be talking about clergy abuse today. Religious leader, abuse. Pastor, youth leader. You've seen this in the news recently with all these preachers being arrested or charged with sexual misconduct or rape or [00:02:00] pedophilia. I'm sure you've seen the news. Well, today we're going to hear a story about a woman who's been victimized in that way and she's fighting back. So let me read her bio for you. A church is where an insecure 16-year-old girl should feel welcome, happy, and most importantly, safe tragically. For some, the church can become a place of great harm. Sandy Phillips Kirkham details her account of how charismatic youth minister preyed upon her, a betrayal which left her broken with a shattered faith and the ultimate shame of being blamed enforced from the church she loved. Despite a successful and happy life, is a wife, mother, and friend. Sandy successfully concealed her abuse for [00:03:00] 27 years until a trigger forced her to face the truth. Sandy's story will take you on her journey of healing. Her strength and courage will inspire you. Let me pray upon you her book details. Sandy's journey from innocent 16-year-old, a victim to a survivor, and advocate. We please welcome Sandy Phillips. Kirk, welcome Sandy to the show. Thanks so much for coming on. Well, thank you for having me. I'm glad to be here. Wow. So I've been listening to you on the Preacher Boys podcast and thought you had a really great story, and so I wanted to come and bring you on so my listeners can hear your story as well. Mm-hmm. So tell us a little bit about your home and your church environment growing up. Let's [00:04:00] start from the beginning here. Okay. I'm the oldest of five. My parents were divorced when I was about seven, which that was really the impact of my life, of just how it altered everything about that time in my life. Then my mother remarried and we moved in with my stepfather shortly after my father remarried, and so I was dealing with these blended families and it was just very confusing for me at the time, my parents and stepfather did not attend church. So I, I wasn't a part of a church until I was about eight, and that's when my best friend who lived up the street invited me to go with their family, and I went with them and I went every Sunday after that, I absolutely fell in love with church. It was a place that I felt safe. I think it provided for me a place away from home that I felt comfortable and I got attention there. I was very active even as a small child. I went to vacation Bible school, church camp, love Sunday School. I sang in a junior choir. Really, it was a just a great place for me to [00:05:00] be. When I was 13, I was baptized and then my faith really deepened and my involvement in the church became even more so, started teaching Sunday school and teaching vacation Bible school. I started serving on committees with adults and doing more of the activities that would, , just be more in depth than just typical youth group activities. So, it's just no exaggeration to say that if the doors of the church were open, I was there and I loved it. I loved serving God. I felt that was the place for me, and everything about it was brought me joy and peace in the church. Wow. You really, were very sincere in your faith. It was not a fake one. I hear a lot of stories of. Being brought up in the church and being made to go to church and, you just go through the motions kind of thing. But it sounds like it was the opposite for you. It was that you really believed this with all your heart. Was that a fundamental Baptist church you were going [00:06:00] to or what? It was a church, Christ Christian Church, which is similar to the Baptist. It's an independent church. Yeah, that's the church. That was so something happened while you were serving the Lord and loving God. You met your abuser? Yes. Shortly after I turned 16, our church hired a new youth pastor, and from the moment he arrived, he was totally different than anyone we'd ever seen before. He was very charismatic, very dynamic. His sermons were really like nothing we'd ever heard before, and people were just drawn to him. He had a personality that people found themselves wanting to be around him. They wanted to please him. So he was very good at asking people to do things and they didn't hesitate. It, it was just a different kind of atmosphere. When he came to the church, the youth group exploded in numbers. We went from like 25 to almost 200 in a very short time. Even the [00:07:00] adult church was growing because people just came to hear him preach because he was so good at what he did. He was 30, married with two children, but he really acted more like our age group. He dressed like we did. He. Went to our football games at school, he knew our music. So he just, he really, he was tuned into us and in return we found ourselves, all of us being willing to please him and wanna do anything we could to make the youth group and the church better. So when people think of a profile of a child abuser, they usually think, oh, some dirty old man, that his roaming fingers or what have you, but this youth pastor sounded like, okay, he was really good looking and hip and really loved the young people. Mm-hmm. Is that typical of. Well, it's, it's typical in the sense that it's not the, dirty old man hiding in the bushes. Most abusers [00:08:00] are people we know. They're people that we like. They're usually people that, connect with people very well, and that's what makes them so dangerous because they're not obvious with what they do, and they're very good at that. They pretend to be one of us. They pretend to care, but in reality, their goal is to find a way to take advantage of the most vulnerable in, in the group. And so, predators are usually drawn to places where they will find vulnerable people. The gymnastics team is an example of that. The Boy Scouts, anywhere where you can, and certainly the church because we are welcoming into people who are in need. Oftentimes. Then there are many people in the church who are vulnerable to these types of men, and sometimes women. Were there any red flags? That you should have seen or noticed when you were around this youth pastor? Well, he came with so many different ideas and different ways of doing things. And one of the things that he was doing now, this was in the [00:09:00] seventies, so cultures were changing and it was free love and kind of thing. But he came into our church and he expected everyone to hug each other. So we were always hugging each other. And he also expected us to say how much we loved each other and that we love you and not just that I love you in Christ. He would simply walk up, give you a hug and say, I love you. Now you know, that may seem innocent, but that's a little odd for that pastor to be saying those kinds of things. And it also blurs the lines because when you say to someone, I love you, that can be confusing to. Young teenagers and even to vulnerable adults. So, but he did that with everybody. It wasn't like he picked someone else special, but, so the hugging in the contact was kind of a red flag in the beginning. But for me personally, I babysat for his family. His wife worked evenings. Mm-hmm. So one night after he came home, he asked me to go to his basement and listen to a song by Neil Diamond. [00:10:00] Well, it felt a little weird 'cause I'd never. I've been around a pastor that wanted to talk to me about anything but church in the Bible. But I went to the basement. Yeah. I mean a Neil Diamond song. So I went to the basement. I know, but that's a trigger factor for me sometimes. So anyway, I went to the basement and he put this record on and I sat down on the couch and instead of sitting in a chair or another place, he came on the couch and sat very close to me. And I remember feeling uncomfortable, but I didn't say anything. 'cause I thought, well, he is just sitting next to me. It's no big deal. But that's a red flag that I felt because it felt uncomfortable to me. And then the other times that I would babysit for him. His wife wouldn't come home till late in the evening, so he would come home around seven or eight and after the kids were in bed, instead of taking me home, he wanted me to sit and talk with him all evening. So we'd talk about the Bible or we'd talk about church, and sometimes he'd ask me what I thought of his [00:11:00] sermon, which at age 16, I'm flattered that this man has any idea that I would have some opinion about this great sermon that he just gave. So I didn't see anything wrong with that because he's my pastor. But had that occurred with my 30-year-old neighbor down the street, every time I went to babysit, I know I would've come home to my mother and said, okay, this is weird. Mm-hmm. Every time I babysit, this man wants to sit and talk to me all evening. I mean, what interest would I have as a teenager wanting to talk to this 30-year-old married man? But because my pastor was who he was and he tapped into our common connection of the church and God, and again, many times he would give me books to read 'cause he wanted me to get better in my deep, in my spirituality. So I didn't see anything wrong with it because of who he was. And so I just accepted that behavior, which is another tool and technique. They look for ways to get into you. Mm-hmm. [00:12:00] That don't seem obvious. And that was, so those were two red flags for me. Now as far as the congregation goes, I was in his office a lot by myself, but so were other kids, because he would actually call us into his office and say, I want you to come in and tell me what's going on in your life. Talk to me about your problems. Instead of us going to him, he would encourage us to come into his office. So while that probably wasn't a good thing, no one saw it as a bad thing. It seemed normal, but he called me into his office a lot more than the other kids. And later on there were people who did say to me, there were times when I wondered why he said something to you like that, or I noticed something one time. And so I think people notice some things, but no one thought enough of it to say, okay, there's something going on that doesn't seem right. So those were the red flags that I think in the beginning were very subtle. But they were hard to see, [00:13:00] and this is really important to distinguish these things because I was groomed by a guidance counselor in seventh grade. Mm-hmm. But he was one of those dirty old men that, he was doing creepy stuff. Yeah. But I never would have seen myself. A pastor and he's talking about spiritual things and he's talking about God and mm-hmm. He's not talking about sex. He's not watching, you're not watching dirty movies together. No, he's not, buying you sexy lingerie. It's, Hey, he's doing spiritual things. Mm-hmm. It's a setup. It's that grooming process you're talking about. It's pulling someone in to gain their trust, in a very di diabolical way, because he's using the church to do that. That's really scary. That scares mm-hmm. Scares me to death. What were the first times that he did something really inappropriate that you were just like, whoa? Well, the very [00:14:00] first time, was after a youth group meeting that was held in my home. I was the song leader. He put me in a leadership position, and it was very important to him that the evening always go well and that we were to make people feel welcome. And so at the end of the evening, I was nervous because I wanted to make sure that he thought everything went well. And he came up to me in my hallway and began telling me how great the evening was and how proud he was of me. And I was on Cloud nine. I was flattered that he felt that way. I felt good that the evening went so well. And then he just slowly bent down and he kissed me. And it wasn't, it was a kiss, but it seemed somewhat innocent to some extent. And I, I remember thinking, I think he just kissed me. Then my next thought was, well, he's my pastor and I don't think he would be doing anything he shouldn't be doing. And it was just a quick kiss. And he's always hugging people. And so maybe this is just his way of showing his appreciation for the evening. It was really [00:15:00] the only way in my 16-year-old mind that I could justify it because I couldn't think about this man doing anything he shouldn't be doing. And this was a person that everyone loved and thought so highly of, so how could I think he was doing something he shouldn't be doing? So I just let it go. I didn't think anything more about it. I mean, did you have any sex ed or anything? Did you know the birds and bees? Nine. Well, yeah, I'm 16. I did. Yeah, I did. But I wasn't, I hadn't dated much. I wasn't allowed to date till I was 16, so I hadn't had any dating experience. I had one kiss before this with a boy at camp. So I wasn't. Worldly or knowledgeable about all those things. But, and again, it was such a quick innocent type kiss. He didn't grab me, he didn't push me against the wall. I just, and again, I think for me it was okay if he's, if this is more than just a kiss, then what do I do with it? So therefore I'm just gonna say it's [00:16:00] nothing because I don't know what else to do. Um, wow. I let it go. I let it go. But as I babysat for him, he, sometimes when I would leave, he would kiss me and sometimes he wouldn't. So, I didn't see it as a con, kind of a continual thing that he was always wanting to kiss me. He always hugged me. But the kissing became more intense as it went along. So it, it would be another year, before he would have sex with me. And so that grooming process and kind of pushing the boundaries each time he was with me, finally ended with him having sex with me. Oh, wow. Now, some of us listening are like an adult having sex with a child or 16-year-old. Can you unpack that a little bit more, the process of how he got to that point? I mean, that the first time you had intercourse, I mean, did he, you know, go to a hotel with you and you had a candlelight dinner, or was it in the backseat of the car?[00:17:00] Was it an accident? It wasn't an accident. He was very deliberate and I had every intentions of having sex with me that night. I babysat, I was babysitting, I put the kids to bed, I walked down the steps. I assumed that we would go into the living room. Or the family room, sit on the couch and talk about the things we always talked about. But instead, he stopped me at the bottom of the stairs and he took me into the living room, and immediately put me on the floor and began undressing me. Um, and wow, I froze. I, I literally froze and I kept thinking to myself, he's going to stop. He's going to stop. And that the entire time he's whispering into my ear how much he loves me, that he would never hurt me, and that he can, I can trust him. And then he kept asking me, do you love me? Do you love me? And I, of course, I'm answering yes, because well, yes I do, because that's what I've told him for the past year. I, I, I just, I was so confused and what my real reaction was, I froze. Mm-hmm. Um, he, he sort of pushed my head under the [00:18:00] stereo. And so when he is starting to get farther than I thought he would ever go. I blocked, I just blocked it out and I started reading the serial numbers underneath the stereo. Oh my goodness. Just to be thinking of anything else. Um, at one point he then just picked me up and took me upstairs. He literally put me on the bed, penetrated me, and that was it. And I was horrified. I was absolutely horrified. I, I wanted to cry. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do. Um, he left the room, told me to get dressed, and he would take me home. And I remember sitting on the bed and I put the bedspread around me because I was so embarrassed that I didn't have my clothes on. Mm-hmm. Oh, wow. Um, and then I just remember thinking I just had sex. I'm no longer a virgin. I just had sex with this man and. He took me home. Now, in the [00:19:00] book, of course, I go into a little bit more detail, but Right, he took me home and just before I got outta the car, he said to me, now, you know, this is something between the two of us, you can't tell anyone. And of course I'm thinking, who would I tell? I, I don't want anybody to know. I just did this. So, that was the first time. And then I think I, at that point I kept thinking, you know, I've had sex with him. So now I'm committed to him again. I'm at this point, I'm 17 years old. I'm still like, what do I do with this? I don't, I don't know what to do with this. Um, and he was convincing me that he loved me. He was convincing me that he needed me in his ministry and that God, this was God's will in our lives. He threw that at me. Eventually he would say to me that we were married in God's eyes. I mean, twisting the scripture and using God as a reason that we should be together. And so. I started to accept that. There were a couple times I went to him and told him that I couldn't do this anymore. I felt [00:20:00] guilty. He would respond in one of two ways. One, he would say to me how much he needed me, how much he loved me, and that he couldn't live without me. So that was the guilt part of it. Or he would respond and by saying to me, you know, you're no longer a virgin. No one else is gonna want you. I'm the only one that knows how to love you, and you are committed to me, and this is gonna be the way it is. And I saw no way out. I didn't see a way out. And so the relationship continued for five years. Wow. Five years. It went on for five years. That is a long time. And it, during that time, he became more aggressive physically. Uh, he hit me. He became sexually more deviant. It just progressed. It got worse and worse. And to a point that I finally, I was, my self-esteem was so low. I hated myself for what I'd been doing. So I finally just accepted that this was my life. I knew [00:21:00] I'd never get married. I knew I'd never have children, and this wouldn't be over until he said it was over. This went on for five years and nobody in the church noticed it. Your parents didn't notice it. You know, people say, well, where were your parents? Well, first of all, my parents were thrilled. I was in church. I mean, this was a time in the seventies when drugs were. Prevalent girls were, having free sex. So for them, what safer place could there be than to be in church? So, and they saw his intention toward me and his involvement with me as a good thing. I mean, he would take me on hospital visits with him. I mean, they saw this as being positive. And they knew how much I loved being there and that it was a place that I liked to go. So they didn't see it. And many in the church didn't see it began because who suspects the pastor of such behavior. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And especially in the seventies when this wasn't an open topic like it is now, you wouldn't have dared thought anything like that. And so [00:22:00] it's not uncommon for people in the church, to miss the signs and to ignore what they really do see, because they just can't believe that it would be something that would be happening in their church because then they'd have to do something about it. Yes, exactly. When did it all come crumbling down? It does crumble. Eventually it does. Two elders became suspicious and followed him one night and found us together in a hotel room. And then from then on, the next month and a half was an absolute nightmare for me. Hmm. It was initially hoped that they could keep what he had done, quiet and keep it from the congregation. Now, I have to say one thing before I forget. This wasn't his first incident of sexual misconduct. Oh. Prior to and just after he was awri, he arrived at our church. A young woman from his first church came forward and accused him of sexual misconduct. When he was [00:23:00] confronted by my elders, he didn't deny it. He said it was true. He asked for forgiveness, that it would never happen again. It was a mistake. So within six months. That's when he was kissing me in my hallway. So this, so these elders were aware that this was the second time that there had been an incident with this man of sexual abuse and misconduct. But in spite of that, they tried to keep it quiet in hopes of moving him to another church. And so I was told during that time where I was to sit, how I was to respond to questions. I wasn't to talk to anyone. I wasn't to tell anyone about what had happened, including my parents. And this was all in an effort to keep it quiet. Well, that effort failed. And so it was determined that he should address the congregation. He did it in a very vague way, just simply said that he'd sinned. He'd sinned against God, and he'd sinned against his wife. And that was his confession. That was it. Two days later, he had me meet [00:24:00] him in a hotel room after that confession in front of the congregation. Now. He was moved to the next church. He was given a going away party. There was actually a vote to maybe keep him, but the vote failed and they decided to move him to the next church. About, two weeks, three weeks later, I was called in by the elders, and this is probably the hardest part of my story for me. Mm-hmm. I was called in by the elders and I was told that because of my behavior I was to leave the church. I was devastated. I loved that church. It was the only church I knew, and here I was being told by these two elders that I wasn't fit to worship there any longer. Mm-hmm. He could be forgiven and given a second, third chance. I couldn't be, I was told that to leave the church. I wasn't given any counseling. I wasn't helped in any way. I was simply told to leave and I did. I left. [00:25:00] And that I told people many times, as horrific as the abuse was, having been told to leave, that church had a greater impact on me spiritually than the actual abuse did. I don't think I ever recovered from that. It still haunts me to this day to some extent. That response of the church really devastated me. So that was the crumbling, as you called it? It came crashing down and I would, I left the church. So did that change your perception of God? What was your relationship with God this time? Yes. You were kicked outta the church, but. Well, I felt a disconnect from God. I never blamed God. I never felt like God caused this to happen. I, in fact, I carry the blame and the shame. I felt guilty for what I had done. And so I never blamed God, but because of the relationship being tied in with God and the [00:26:00] prayers that this man would give, and then, you know, he'd give these wonderful sermons about marriage and sanctity of marriage on a Sunday morning after having sex with me the night before. I had difficulty separating all of that, and there were so many trigger factors associated with the church and prayer that God really did. It was hard for me to have any kind of relationship with God. I did. I didn't become an atheist like a lot of victims do, and who become angry at God. I simply just. I just put him on the back burner. I knew he existed, but I didn't have a connection with him any longer. So for 27 years, I, I never prayed. I never opened my Bible. I went to church because when I met my husband, he was a Methodist. And I thought, well, I'll go to the Methodist Church. It's a different denomination. Mm-hmm. I'll just go on. It should be fine. It didn't work that way. I had anxiety attacks in church. I, his [00:27:00] reminders of him were constant, but I forced myself to go. I made sure that I went because I knew when we had children, I wanted them to have that church experience. But every time I walked past the minister's office, I got a knot in my stomach. Oh yeah. It had nothing to do with that minister. But you understand that. I mean, it, but I did that for 27 years. It became my norm. I just knew that when I walked past that office, I was gonna get a knock my stomach, certain hymns. I can tell you what his favorite hymn was, and every time that was played, that's who I thought of. I couldn't pray. It was so, I did have a deep, deep disconnect for 27 years, and I have to tell you, I missed it. I actually mourn that loss of my spiritual life, but I didn't know how to get it back. Because I'm keeping this secret. I'm still carrying guilt and shame. I couldn't forgive myself. I didn't feel worthy to be in church. So with all of that mixed in, I just put myself on autopilot and said, [00:28:00] well, this is the way my life will be and I'll just have to accept it. It just sounds so unfair. Somebody that loves the Lord so much and served in the church and so innocent and being kicked out. Oh, but it sounded like maybe meeting your husband would've been a positive thing for you. How did you guys meet? I actually worked at his office, so I met him there. We dated for about two years, and I just found him to be a kind, loving soul. He was very unassuming. He wasn't arrogant. He didn't, he wasn't a boastful type of person. He didn't like taking credit for things, even though he deserved it sometimes. He was just a good hearted person, and I just, I fell in love with him immediately. I really did. I thought this was a great, great guy. I mean, I will tell you, I have said many times because before I met him, I was on a destructive path. I did not have any self-esteem. [00:29:00] I saw myself just simply as some sex object that, I was only good for that. And so when I met him, he saved my life because he loved me for who I was and showed me that I was worthy. So I've often said to him, you saved my life, and he will respond back with you made mine, and you can't get any better than that. So meeting him was a turning point for me, but I kept a secret from him for 27 years, and I lived in fear that he'd always find out that I'd had this affair with a married man. And I know in my heart that it wouldn't have made a difference to him. But people who've been abused never forget the words, don't ever tell. And I never forgot those words. And I never forgot what the consequences could be if I were to tell someone. Because when my elders found out, they blamed me. And I, I couldn't bear the thought that if I were to tell him. [00:30:00] Somehow he would find fault with me, or I wondered, would he wonder why I didn't feel confident enough to tell him? Would he feel betrayed that I kept a secret? Would he see me differently sexually? All those fears that I had while unfounded were still present in my mind. And so I never could tell him. And I had to do a lot of play acting and pretending, through our married life in the sense that the times I was having trigger factors, I had to hide them. And I know he would've been supportive, but I couldn't see that. Because while trauma affects you at the time of the abuse, it's lifelong. It doesn't leave you. And so I lived with that for 27 years. So did you have. Intimacy issues when you were together? Was that what you're talking about? The triggering? No, I, know a lot of victims do, and that's understandable. I really didn't, because he was so different from my abuser [00:31:00] and I recognized that my abuser was emotionally violent mm-hmm. And physically, he just wasn't loving in any sense of the word. I was simply used for sex. Mm-hmm. And I didn't have that with my husband. And so I could separate that a little bit. But I think the guilt of hiding the secret had an impact on our marriage as far as my able to be intimate with him in an emotional way. I'm really glad to hear that. I, you are not the first person that I've heard that. The victim has hidden a secret from her husband. I passed her and a pastor's wife and her husband did not know. Mm-hmm. Children didn't know, and it was a family member that was the abuser. And I kept telling her, you've got to tell him. Mm-hmm. You know why? It's because, and I was thinking this when I was listening to your, the other shows that you were on. I'm thinking about your children and your grandchildren. If I was abused, [00:32:00] I would be like. How do I keep my children and grandchildren from going through what I just went through, you know? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Well, that's an interesting thing because most people would assume that my daughter, I would've been all over it and worried sick every time she left the house. Yeah. But I actually had the opposite, reaction because keep in mind, I didn't see myself as an abuse victim. I saw myself as someone who participated, who willingly went into this relationship and stayed in it willingly, which is not the case when you're abused. There's the control, the manipulation, all of those things that play into keeping a victim in a relationship and they see no way out. So for me, I just assumed I got one bad apple in the whole barrel, that this didn't happen to other people and that I had an affair. But my daughter, who I knew, she would never have an affair with a married man, I just knew that. So I. Sent her on [00:33:00] retreats. I sent her to church camp without fear because again, I'm thinking, okay, this just doesn't happen to other people and this is not something I need to be concerned about with her. However, with my granddaughters, it's totally different because now I understand what really occurred and the damage that can occur when you've been abused. And so with my granddaughters, her mom and dad have talked to them, about good touch, bad touch. And I too have talked about to her, but I've been a little bit more probably detailed about it. Mm-hmm. And as she gets older, these men, the techniques change as you get older and they, after they go after teenage girls, so mm-hmm. Hopefully I'll be able to help her understand, what happens when someone's grooming. I want her to understand her personal space, that if you're not comfortable when someone hugs you, it's okay. That's right. Say I, I don't want you to touch me that way. Mm-hmm. Or say if they don't feel comfortable and we put a lot on kids to do that. 'cause here [00:34:00] we're asking a child to say to an adult, no. Mm-hmm. So it's okay to go to your mother or your mom and say, can you tell so and so Uncle Jimmy or whoever it is, I don't wanna be hugged. So we need to make sure our kids understand that their personal space is their space. And if they don't want someone in that space, it's okay to say no. I also think it's important to tell kids that good people can do bad things. Yeah. Because, as we talked about earlier, our abusers are not strangers. They're not mean people. Mm-hmm. They're usually good people. They're usually people who've given us gifts. They're people who help us. They're people who tell us how wonderful we are. So it's hard for children, even adults, to see this individual who. Who on one side is a good individual who does a lot in the church, who's done all these wonderful things. And so we, we have to tell these kids, just because they're a good person doesn't mean they can't do bad things. And so that's kind of the message I hope to get to my granddaughters that I didn't give to my [00:35:00] daughter. And fortunately she didn't have any issues with church or any, anybody abusing her. But I certainly did not, guide her in the right way in that sense because I just, like I said, I just assumed that I was the only one that this would ever have happened to. Well, I think, I hear a lot in the church that they don't teach sex ed because they don't want the kids to go out and have sex. Mm-hmm. And so a lot of these kids are like ignorant as to, what is healthy and what is not proper, yeah. We need to teach 'em that our bodies or are going to respond. They were built that way. God intended us to have feelings. You know, when we are around the opposite sex, that's normal. Mm-hmm. So we need to make sure kids understand. But there are barriers and there are boundaries that need to be taken. But you're absolutely right when we don't talk at it, then we figure it out on their own. And we could, we can all imagine when you're leaving teenagers to [00:36:00] their own devices to figure out things. That's probably not gonna lead in a good spot. No, we have the internet now, which when we, right. When you and I were younger, we didn't have the internet. We didn't have cell phones. No. If you wanted a Playboy magazine, you had to go to that kind of a neighborhood to get something. Yes. You know? Yes. It was a lot more difficult. Yes, absolutely. But too many parents are embarrassed to talk to their children about sex and, you know, everybody listening needs to listen. You need to find a way to talk to them about these things. And one of the techniques that I use with my daughter, just in talking about sex in general, kids don't want to hear their mom and dad talk to 'em about this. So what I did would say, I read a magazine article about this girl who did such and such so that I put it off on something else that's, a non-entity of a person. And I'll say, or Have you ever heard of this? And of course I know she's got a little embarrassed, but I, it opened the dialogue without me coming [00:37:00] out and saying, have you heard of oral sex? Instead, I would talk to her and say, I heard this about this. This is what kids are doing, blah, blah, blah. So you kind of have to find techniques and ways to sneak around it sometimes, but you absolutely need to talk to, because they know it's out there and they're going to experiment. That's just part of being a teenager. Yeah, my parents chickened out. They just gave me a book to read. Same, probably the same book. I got, I forget what it was called. Where did I come from? Or something. It was a cartoon book. Mm-hmm. And I'm grateful for that. And, they just, after I finished the book, do you have any questions? Yeah, yeah. I had a lot of, older people that were friends and I would actually go to my older. Senior citizen friends and ask them questions rather than ask my parents. Right? Yeah, yeah. It's more comfortable that way for sure. Like I said, it's not the topic that we like to talk to with our kids and our kids don't wanna hear it, but being uncomfortable is not an excuse not to do that. And in school you get [00:38:00] the basics of the mechanics of it, but then that ends, that's all you get there as well. And that's not as helpful either. Yeah. The sixth grade menstrual cycle, health class. Yeah, exactly. That's it. They separate the girls and the boys. Yeah. We were all really embarrassed and Yes, yes. Yeah, exactly. Great information. So let's, circle around back to, okay, you've been hiding this secret forever. Mm-hmm. And nobody knows about your past. And then one day you got triggered. So what happened that day? Well, that's the first chapter of my book, and that is one day I was driving to a golf tournament in Tennessee. We live in Cincinnati. I was driving, my daughter was in college. She was playing in a golf tournament. I was driving down there and I was about halfway when I saw an exit sign for the town of Kingsport, Tennessee. And that is the. Town to which my [00:39:00] abuser was sent after he left our church, and it just sent me over the edge. Mm-hmm. All of a sudden I'm thinking, I'm in the town where he lives. Am I close to his house? Am I close to the church where he's now a minister? I mean, even though it'd been 27 years, I thought he was probably still there. I didn't know, but that's what my mind was telling me. I, all of a sudden I felt his presence in the car. I, I could smell him. I could hear him. Oh. I was, it was unbelievable to me what was happening to me. I didn't even know what was happening. I pulled to the side of the road Oh, good. And I sobbed. Yeah. I sobbed for about 20 minutes and I was just trying to figure out what was happening because anytime I had trigger factors before I could manage them, I could control them. I kind of let them happen and then I push 'em back down. Mm-hmm. This one wasn't going back down and I was a mess. I was just an absolute mess. I was able to get through the weekend. I drove back home and all I could think about was, what am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? [00:40:00] I wanted to stop thinking about him and I couldn't. I spent the next two weeks, really in anxiety. I, my husband would leave for work and I would just walk around the house, wring my hands, trying to figure out why I was feeling the way I was feeling. What was I gonna do with these feelings till at one point I finally decided I was gonna tell my best friend, and I was absolutely petrified to tell her because for the first time in 27 years, I was going to utter the words. I was sexually abused by my youth pastor. And I remember thinking, he's gonna find out and I'm gonna get in trouble. I just, I was 49 years old and I'm still afraid of this man. But I did tell her, it was, it took me a long time to, to get the words out, but I did, she was very supportive. She was very kind. She was patient as she waited for me to tell her. And so that started my journey of healing just by telling that first person. I then told two or three other of my close friends, so the four of us spent [00:41:00] many days and many hours on the screened in porch of one of my friends just letting me talk. Mm-hmm. And being able to express what had happened to me. I wasn't ready to tell all of the story. I mean, there's parts in the book that I won't go into here because they're pretty mm-hmm. Embarrassing and some things that I did. So I wasn't ready to tell them everything, but I told them enough that it helped me start to release what had been done to me. And so that was the first thing that I did, I think. And then the next thing I did, which was so valuable, and I encouraged victims to do it as well, I just read everything I could on clergy abuse or sexual abuse in itself. So I began to learn the terms of grooming, manipulation, gaslighting, and then I could see how he methodically used each one of those things on me to get me to do the things he got me to do, and to stay in that relationship for those five years. And that was huge for me. So [00:42:00] it was, for the first time as I began reading, I understood that I had been abused. Now, it still took me a while to admit that I really was sexually abused because I didn't want that label. I didn't wanna be an abuse victim. And there was a part of me. We all wanna be loved. And so there was still a part of me that I wanted to think that there was some part of him that cared about me, that this wasn't just purely about sex and that he wasn't just using me for his own gratification. And I had to get past that. I had to finally come to terms with, no, this man didn't do the no one who loves you, would do the things he did and ask the things he did of me. So that took me a while, to finally admit, okay, this was an abusive relationship. So I told someone, educating myself, and then I had to learn to forgive myself. I had to let, I had to let go of the guilt [00:43:00] and shame because any guilt and shame belongs squarely on him. This was a man that I should have been able to trust. It was in a place that should have been the safest place on earth for me. And he took advantage of a vulnerable teenager who had, I didn't have a major crisis in my life, but he knew my home life was an upheaval at times. He knew that I didn't see my dad very much. So he used that to against me. And I had to forgive myself for being who I was at the time and being able to respond the way I did for the coping skills I had at the time. Sure. You can look back. I, and I think, why didn't I say this? Why didn't I do that? But I couldn't because of, of the re of the relationship he had created between us. Mm-hmm. I had lost all power. He was in complete control of this relationship, so I had to forgive myself and that wasn't easy either. Then, and I don't know that this is something all victims should do, but I just felt this need [00:44:00] that I needed to confront him. I just felt like I couldn't move past this unless I was able to face him. Now, I had no contact with him for 27 years. I didn't even know if he was still alive, but I hired a private investigator and he found him ministering in a church in Alabama. And so I had my investigator contact him and we set up a time and a meeting that we would meet. And I took my husband, I took my friend who was a counselor and another friend who was at the church at the time. Um, I wanted her at this point. You told your husband at this point, I'm sorry. Yes, that's correct. I, it was probably three months after I told my friends, that I said to him I would like to meet him in his office and talked to him about something and. I was terrified. I don't know how else to say it. I just was so afraid. Not that I needed to be, but I was. And I probably sat there for almost, [00:45:00] I would say, 40 minutes and just cried. I was able to finally get out. I'm okay, the kids are okay, and then I started crying again. He couldn't have been any more supportive, more loving. I remember looking at his face and I said I was sexually abused by my youth pastor, and he didn't. His expression didn't change, and then I said. I was their babysitter and his face just dropped. And for the first time, I could see the pain I was feeling was reflected in his face. It was, I almost wanted to hug him to say, I'm sorry. 'cause I could see how much it hurt him to know that this had been done to me, especially as a baby. I mean, the picture became complete for him once I said that. And so he was very supportive. I think he was worried about me confronting this man, for a couple reasons. But one, I think he was worried that I would be disappointed in his reaction, and that I would be expecting too much of this [00:46:00] person to understand what he did to me and show any kind of remorse, and that I, it would hurt me even more. And one of my fears was that, I was afraid he wouldn't meet me. I was afraid that he was gonna say, no, I'm not gonna meet with you. And my husband said, oh, he's gonna meet with you all right? Because if he doesn't meet with you, you just tell him. Call the church secretary. We'll call every elder. We're gonna, he, somebody's gonna hear your story if he doesn't want to hear it. So he did agree to meet with me. I went down to Alabama and the meeting took place and I said the things that I wanted to say to him. I wanted him to get what he did to me. But he didn't, he never could understand the damage. It was almost as if, okay, I shouldn't have done it and I'm sorry I did it. Okay, now what do you want? It was, get away. You bother me? Yes. And his greatest fear as most narcissist, and I believe he was, narcissistic, but his greatest fear was that I was going to demand that he be removed from the ministry. I mean, that's what he [00:47:00] was most concerned about, how this was going to impact him. And he should have been out of the ministry. So I went to his. Boss. I was told this, and something happened 27 years ago. He, we think he's safe. We're not worried, in spite of the fact that during the meeting he had admitted that there had been multiple occurrences of sexual misconduct throughout his ministry. Not all teenagers, some were most were probably women. And then he said he had gone to therapy because he had been identified as a sexual addict. And I kept thinking, who, what? What world, what world? Does this make sense that a man who has been identified by a psychologist as a sex addict belongs in the ministry? Nope. But here was this church. So I sent a letter to his 11 elders thinking, okay, somebody in this eldership is gonna see this. Is I something's wrong here. Not one responded totally [00:48:00] ignored me. 11 elders totally ignored me. Wow. No worries. So then, I decided to go to his denominational leaders, which were in Indianapolis. And there again, while they were sympathetic to my story and apologize that it happened, they said, we're an independent church. Our churches hire and fire their own ministers. We have no control and if they choose to keep this man, we can do nothing about it. And so what, I was shut down and basically I had no place else to go. I had pretty much. Done everything I could do. And it wasn't my place in the man that he be removed. I expected the church to be, the church was to do the right thing. Exactly. I assumed so naively that once they heard my story and once they understood the background of this man, surely someone would say, this isn't right. But again, keep in mind he's very charismatic. He brings in [00:49:00] people, he brings in money. And to be fair, and probably I'm being a little too gracious, these men are very good at manipulating not only the victim but the congregation as well. They're very good at getting control of the congregation so that they find themselves following this man no matter what he would do. Yeah. And that's basically what happened. There was going to be, I got a four page letter from his boss telling me that, know, I'm going to. Ruin this church if I continue on this path and that I'm going to feel all this guilt because I'm gonna be responsible for the damage that I will do to pe people's spiritual lives. I mean that, it was an incredible, I put the letter in the book, I, because it is so incredibly, hard to believe that someone write that to a victim of abuse. Just So that was What year did that happen? 2004. Okay. So we did have. We did have the internet. Oh, yes. And this was after the Catholic, [00:50:00] church had their, exposure of sexual abuse within their church. So yes, this was, it was out there for sure. This wasn't something that you would think, oh, I can't believe this happened. And again, he had admitted to these past instances. I mean, this wasn't someone who was saying, oh, I don't know what she's talking about. Or, oh, this is the only time it ever happened. He had been in therapy because he was a sexual addict, So he wasn't registered as a sex offender? I guess not. And in my case, at the time of the abuse, the age of consent was 16. So I had no legal recourse because of I was either legally age of consent. Now that has been changed in Ohio. It's now 18. It's now 18, but many states it's still 16. There are several states where the age of consent is 16. Now, the interesting about that is. His contact sexual contact with me was not considered a crime. However, if he had been my high school teacher, it would've been a crime. What, so pastors I know [00:51:00] does not make sense. It does not make a leg of sense. No, it does not. So it, they don't consider him a teacher. They don't cons, they don't, they considered an affair. A mutual. Relationship if he'd been my teacher, that's a different story. So yeah, I had no legal recourse. And that was frustrating. But I couldn't change that. So it was what it was. I just had to accept that he, yes, he belonged in jail. Yes, there's no doubt and should be registered as a sex offender, but I'm not so sure that even if he's registered as a sex offender, these people in Alabama and wherever he is now, would. Even take that as a concern. Well, you know, the millennials now, they'll just, they just post stuff on Facebook and Twitter and call the evening news and they have, yes. News people at their doorstep, right. Ready to mm-hmm. Track this guy's name through the mud. Mm-hmm. But you didn't choose to do that, I guess. No, you know, I'm very careful about naming him in the sense that, part of my story is that I [00:52:00] reconnected with his wife. She actually divorced him after they moved, because again, he committed sexual misconduct. She was 20, I think, at the time, so it wasn't a minor, but that's beside the point. This is a man in a position that, a professional who does not cross boundaries like that. So, to no one surprise, he committed sexual misconduct the third time, so she divorced him. And part of, I guess letting go of some of the guilt that I felt, I wanted to. Connect with her to at least tell her, not that I was responsible for what happened, but how very sorry I was for her pain and suffering as well because she was part of the youth group. I mean, she was there at the church all the time. We sang in the choir together. So it was like I had a relationship with her. Oh wow. To some extent. And of course when, we were found, when he was found out by the elders, she was upset and she of course, didn't wanna have anything to do with me, which is understandable. So I actually think I [00:53:00] also wanted to give her the opportunity to say whatever she felt she needed to say to me if she wanted to. I mean, I didn't know what she was gonna say or react. I thought maybe she'd hang up on me. I didn't know. So I called her one day. My investigator found her phone number and gave it to me, and she couldn't have been any more gracious. I, she never blamed me. She understood as she, as the years went on, what this really was just like I did. She's remarried. She's has a wonderful husband now. And so I visited her several times. We keep in contact. And so part of my not wanting to expose him too much is that it would be hurtful to her. And he does have children. Now. I know that, well, whatever consequences are as a result of this are all on him, but I don't feel the need to add to that. That's not my purpose in speaking out. And so, mm-hmm. I've gone to his church leaders, I've done everything I can to get him removed from the ministry. And nothing, it's just [00:54:00] he's still, I don't know that he's still a pastor, but he still remains in good standing within that denomination to this day. Yeah. I mean, sometimes we have to just let God. Right. Dish out the justice. It may not be in our timeline, it may not be the way that we think it should happen, but Right. He's not gonna get away with this. No. And again, I did my part. Yes. So my conscience is clear and I am able to say I did what I could do and whether or not they removed him, I certainly hope that I maybe put some doubt in some of their minds and maybe questioned their motives in keeping this man. I don't know. But, I feel I did what I could do and I feel good about that. I feel good about that. Absolutely, you should. And what I'm really interested in is, you're trying to keep this stuff from happening to other people, so, I mean, what can we do to prevent some of this stuff? Well, it's [00:55:00] difficult again, because these men are among us as wolves in sheep's clothing, and so they're difficult to spot. But a couple things. I think the first thing I would tell people is if something doesn't seem right. Keep your antenna up. Don't just ignore it or just don't think, oh, well that can't be true because he's the pastor. Mm-hmm. If it's behavior that you wouldn't accept in someone else, or it's something that you would question in someone else, then question it in the pastor or the choir director, whoever it is. Don't be blinded by the person. The persona that they're presenting to you. So that's the first thing I would say is keep your antenna up. The other thing is we, and we're churches, I think are doing better about this, but you've got to have policies in place that say, no, you're not taking a 16-year-old girl on your hospital visit with you. Yes. That's, that's not normal. That's not right. What is she doing going on a hospital visit with you in a car? And of course now we have the texting [00:56:00] and there should be absolutely no texting between a pastor, a youth minister, and anyone in the congregation. And that includes, no, don't forget the meeting for the church luncheon. No, there should be no texting because you, it's too hidden and it's too easily moved to the next step. And that's how it starts. You know, all of the abuse when it's someone you know, it always starts with small things and subtle things. It doesn't, innocent things. Innocent things that, yeah, that, that are innocent. But so that's why, so no texting. Yeah. So put in the policy, those places of, when you take a 10-year-old child to the bathroom, you make sure there's another adult with you. Absolutely. That's for your safety as well as for the child's safety. Mm-hmm. So I, I think we need to be aware. And then I would also say watch for the vulnerable in your, among your church or your group. Watch for the kid that's got issues at home and is looking for a father figure. Be aware that they're going to be more susceptible to someone who's a predator and pay [00:57:00] attention to their cues and kind of keep in touch with them as well in a sense of asking questions and how they're doing and be the kind of a person that they might feel comfortable coming to if something were to happen to them because they're the ones that are gonna be most vulnerable, to a predator. So that's kind of, an overview of what. Maybe a help to try and stop and prevent some of this. Yes, I like lots of video cameras. They're cheap now. You can put a camera, you can hide cameras all over the church facility and Yes. And I think too, talking to this about this issue to the congregation before anything happens, maybe having a person in your congregation who is the go-to person on this topic, who, who's researched what all these grooming and manipulation is so that they are even more equipped to, to notice the signs. So you have a person who's kind of in charge of that topic and then address it to the congregation once a year and say, here's our policy and here's what we expect of our pastors and here's what we would hope you would [00:58:00] do if you notice something. So it just brings it out so that people feel like if there is something that they know is going on or something's wrong, they feel comfortable going to someone about it. Those are all really great tips for leaders and, church members. So what, what if I am listening and I am being subjected to some of this stuff, what should I do? Well, what you need to do and what is the hardest thing to do is to tell someone. Yeah. And it's hard to do because when you're in an abusive relationship, you are being controlled by your abuser. And the narrative is what he is directing. And so he's going to tell you, look, you can tell anybody you want. They're not gonna believe you. And he tells you that over and over again. He's also going to tell you that you are going to be in trouble if you tell anyone. And then there's that problem of you sort [00:59:00] of care about this person. Here's someone that has been helping you, who's been your mentor, and you don't wanna get him in trouble. So with all those dynamics involved, it's very difficult for victims to come forward. But I am telling you, you don't wanna wait the 27 years that I did no. And live with this guilt and the shame and the angst and the anxiety. First of all, it's not worth it. You're not doing anyone any favors, especially yourself, because there is help out there. But they can only help you if you're able to be able to tell someone. And believe me, I understand how difficult that is. It's not easy. Mm-hmm. But I would hope that I hearing my story and others that you will understand that there is help out there and you need to tell someone. 'cause it won't end until you tell someone. And if you need to, you go to someone that you trust. And if you need to, you go outside the church. Yes. You tell someone you know is going to listen to you. [01:00:00] Hey, I tell my listeners, you can call me anytime mm-hmm. And email me and I'm sure you'd say the same thing. Exactly. Reach out to Sandy if mm-hmm. You need somebody to talk to. Mm-hmm. Or you don't know what is the next step I need to take here? Right. It is scary to make First step. It's very scary. Very scary. Absolutely. So then there's the rest of us, those that have not experienced clergy abuse, maybe we're members in the church, maybe we're friends or family. What are some helpful things for us to do to support a victim? Helpful things to say, maybe there's things we shouldn't say, well, that's a yes. First, I would say anytime you're aware of a victim of clergy abuse or anybody who's been abused, whether it's clergy or not, reiterate to that victim that it was not their fault and that there was nothing they could have done, should have done that would've prevented this. And by doing that, you are [01:01:00] telling that person they're free to speak to you. And victims need to hear it over and over again because we do blame ourselves. Children as young as five will blame themselves because they allowed someone to touch them 'cause mommy said not to. And the that guilt in that shame that victims carry, it's difficult to let go of it. So to hear someone say to us, it's not your fault is so freeing. So that's the first thing. The second thing I would say is. Let them know that you will listen to them without judging them, and you will hear their story without being shocked that you are able to say, tell me everything you need to tell me, or Tell me as little as you wanna tell me. Give them a comfort place to go to talk. And then I would say, and this is difficult for people who have spiritual lives or who are part of the church, be very much aware that things such as prayer and Bible reading and [01:02:00] scripture can be very triggering for those who've been abused in the church. Mm-hmm. So things that you would find comforting like prayer. Can be a very major trigger factor for victims. And so instead of saying to a victim, I'll pray for you, or Can I pray with you? The best thing you could say would be to phrase it in such a way as to say, I understand because of what you've been through, prayer can be difficult. And so I would like to pray for you, but I would completely understand if you don't want to pray or you won't, don't even want me to pray for you. And so you've opened up the door to say to this person, wow, I don't have to feel guilty because I can't pray. You know, when we've grown up in the church and we've been told how wonderful church and prayer and all those things are, we still carry that guilt too because we're no longer connected to God. So to have a person on the outside. Recognize that these can be trigger factors is again, a gift. It's a [01:03:00] gift. So those things I think would be the most helpful when dealing with a person of clergy abuse. And give them time. Don't push forgiveness. Don't push trying to get them back into church. 'cause some victims will never be able to go back to church if you let them find their own pace of time and you do it without judging them. And I know that's kind of hard sometimes for Christians and people in the church because we love the church and we find it to be such a wonderful place and we want this person back in the church. Yes. But it, it may not be the best place at that point for that victim. Such valuable advice. I That is awesome. And again, back to like, when you're talking about the sex education, open up the dialogue, you know? Yeah. Bring it up. Bring it up before they bring it up. Again, I read in the newspaper that this girl was molested by, a gym teacher. You know that, that ha I know that happens. And then let 'em know that if. It is, like you said, allowing that comfort to be able to [01:04:00] talk to someone. I think for me it was important to give my side of the story. No one had a clue that he was emotionally and verbally and physically abusive to me. They saw this as a little love affair and that we had this, magic little love affair. Evil temptress. Yes, exactly. And so I wanted them to know the full story. That was important for my healing too. And they did that. And, they welcomed me back to the church. I went back, I've been back a couple times for, a youth group reunion that we had. So, and that was difficult. But again, I thought that was necessary for me to move forward. I had to let go of my past. I had to figure out, not to forget it, but how was I going to incorpo

What is it like to be a Christian in Israel—and why do many Israeli Christians insist, "We are not Arabs"? In this eye-opening episode of Shoulder to Shoulder, Rabbi Pesach Wolicki and Pastor Doug Reed speak with Lieutenant Colonel (Reserves) Ihab Shlayan, the IDF's most senior Christian officer and founder of Christian Voice in Israel. Shlayan shares a frank, ground-level account of how Christian communities in places like Nazareth and Cana have steadily become minorities in their own historic towns—and why he says the greatest threat to Christians in the region is not the State of Israel, but Islamist intimidation and Arab political control.  He also lays out five concrete demands he's pressing with the Israeli government: recognition of Christians as a distinct community (not "Arab"), equal access to scholarships and employment benefits for those who serve, a separate Christian education framework, visible Israeli civic presence (including flags) in Christian towns, and proper representation and memorial recognition for Christian IDF soldiers.  Whether you've heard claims that Christians are "second-class citizens" in Israel—or you've never considered the internal pressures facing Christians in the Holy Land—this conversation delivers rare clarity from someone who has lived it in uniform, in public advocacy, and on the front lines.  

The word testament in the expression "New Testament" refers to a new covenant that Christians believe completes or fulfils the Mosaic covenant or the old covenant that the national god of Israel made with the people of Israel on Mount Sinai through Moses, described in the books of the Old Testament. Christians traditionally view this new covenant as being prophesied in the Hebrew Bible's Book of Jeremiah. Garry Stevens of the «History in the Bible» podcast shares with us his views on the history of this remarkable book. Ee5 History in the Bible podcast available at https://amzn.to/45IDzFK Historical Jesus books available at https://amzn.to/43rnYbq History of Christianity books available at https://amzn.to/43ro3fe Holy Land books available at https://amzn.to/45zTqGw History of the Bible books available at https://amzn.to/3pAnOQr ENJOY Ad-Free content, Bonus episodes, and Extra materials when joining our growing community on https://patreon.com/markvinet SUPPORT this channel by purchasing any product on Amazon using this FREE entry LINK https://amzn.to/3POlrUD (Amazon gives us credit at NO extra charge to you). Mark Vinet's HISTORY OF NORTH AMERICA podcast: www.parthenonpodcast.com/history-of-north-america Mark's TIMELINE Video channel: https://youtube.com/c/TIMELINE_MarkVinet Website: https://markvinet.com/podcast Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mark.vinet.9 Twitter: https://twitter.com/HistoricalJesu Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/denarynovels Mark's books: https://amzn.to/3k8qrGM See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The second division of the Christian biblical canon is named the New Testament. It discusses the teachings and person of Jesus, as well as events in first-century Christianity. Together with the Old Testament they are regarded as sacred scripture by Christians. Garry Stevens of the «History in the Bible» podcast shares with us his views on the history of this remarkable book. Ee06. History in the Bible podcast available at https://amzn.to/45IDzFK Historical Jesus books available at https://amzn.to/43rnYbq History of Christianity books available at https://amzn.to/43ro3fe Holy Land books available at https://amzn.to/45zTqGw History of the Bible books available at https://amzn.to/3pAnOQr ENJOY Ad-Free content, Bonus episodes, and Extra materials when joining our growing community on https://patreon.com/markvinet SUPPORT this channel by purchasing any product on Amazon using this FREE entry LINK https://amzn.to/3POlrUD (Amazon gives us credit at NO extra charge to you). Mark Vinet's HISTORY OF NORTH AMERICA podcast: www.parthenonpodcast.com/history-of-north-america Mark's TIMELINE Video channel: https://youtube.com/c/TIMELINE_MarkVinet Website: https://markvinet.com/podcast Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mark.vinet.9 Twitter: https://twitter.com/HistoricalJesu Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/denarynovels Mark's books: https://amzn.to/3k8qrGM See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What if you could send spies into your future and report back to you what's coming. Would you want to hear it?In this episode of Live the Bible, that's exactly what happens. We get ready for the New Year with a look at how to fearlessly face the fabulous future God has planned for you. Our future will always have giants. But we can face them—in their many forms—as long as we don't look at the size of the giants but at the size of our God! Support the show

Join Rabbi Schneider inside of a life sized replica of the Tabernacle and venture inside of the Holy of Holies, where God's presence used to dwell on earth. Learn how God has made a way for you to enter into His presence. **** BECOME A MONTHLY PARTNER - https://djj.show/YTAPartner  **** DONATE - https://djj.show/YTADonate  **** TEACHING NOTES - https://djj.show/1hj 

Join Rabbi in Israel and journey into a life sized replica one of the most intimate structures between God and man – The Tabernacle of Moses and learn the principles of how to dwell with God.  **** BECOME A MONTHLY PARTNER - https://djj.show/YTAPartner  **** DONATE - https://djj.show/YTADonate  **** TEACHING NOTES - https://djj.show/ij7 

התוכן בשישי דפ' ויגש נאמר שהקב"ה הבטיח ליעקב "אל תירא מרדה מצרימה כי לגוי גדול אשימך שם", ובודאי שהקב"ה מקיים הבטחתו זו גם כשעדיין נמצאים בגלות מצרים, ובקרוב ממש נזכה לקיום היעוד "קהל גדול שובו הנה" – לארצנו הק'. ויש לזרז את כ"ז ע"י נתינת הצדקה של כאו"א. ובנוגע לפועל: להזדרז למסור כסף לצדקה בצירוף פתק עם השם ושם האם ע"מ להזכירם עה"צ, וכ"א יכול לכתוב בו כל מה שרוצה (בלי להתבייש אם מישהו יקרא א"ז), שה"ז באופן שכותב להקב"ה ע"י נשיא דורנו, ועד"ז יעשו בכל מקום שנמצא שם "בית החיים" שנטמן שם גדול בישראל, כידוע שכל "בתי החיים" קשורים זב"ז, ולהוסיף בעשיית "בית חיים" לנשמות בגופים – בתי תורה, בתי תפלה ובתי גמ"ח. ועוד.שיחת יום ד' דפ' ויגש, ו' טבת ה'תשמ"ז ל"הנחה פרטית" או התרגום ללה"ק של השיחה: https://thedailysicha.com/?date=26-12-2025 Synopsis Shishi of parashas Vayigash states that Hashem promised Yaakov, “…Do not be afraid to go down to Egypt, for I will make you into a great nation there.” Hashem surely fulfills this promise even while we are still in exile in Egypt, and very soon, “A great assembly they will return here,” to our Holy Land, which will be hastened by every individual giving tzedakah. Practically speaking, whoever hasn't yet done so should promptly submit their tzedakah along with a note containing their name and mother's name, to be placed at the Ohel. Since I won't be reading the notes, one can write whatever they wish without being embarrassed; it is like writing to Hashem through the Nasi of our generation. The same should be done anywhere where there is a cemetery (“beis hachayim”) in which there is a tzaddik buried, because all the cemeteries are interconnected etc. And we should increase in creating “batei hachayim” (“houses of life”) for the living, for souls in bodies – houses of Torah, tefillah, and gemilus chassadim etc.Excerpt from sichah of Wednesday, parashas Vayigash, 6 Teves 5747 For a transcript in English of the Sicha: https://thedailysicha.com/?date=26-12-2025 לזכות ר' ארי'ה בן לאה אורית שי' ליום ההולדת שלו ז' טבת - לשנת ברכה והצלחה, ואריכות ימים ושנים טובותולע"נ ר' יעקב ב"ר שמואל ע"ה ליום היארצייט שלו ז' טבת. ת.נ.צ.ב.ה.

Join Rabbi in the wilderness of Israel as he teaches practical principles for your life from biblical stories such as Sodom and Gomorrah, David, and Noah. **** BECOME A MONTHLY PARTNER - https://djj.show/YTAPartner  **** DONATE - https://djj.show/YTADonate  **** TEACHING NOTES - https://djj.show/vrl  

In this heartwarming Christmas Eve message, Rev. Chapin Garner invites us to rediscover the joy at the heart of the season—not through shopping, stress, or sentimentality, but through generosity inspired by Jesus. The message centers on the real-life story of Issa Kassissieh, Jerusalem's own Santa Claus, who embodies the joy of Christ by giving freely to children of all faiths in the Holy Land. With scripture from Luke 2:8–14, where angels announce “good news of great joy,” and Hebrews 12:2, which speaks of Jesus enduring the cross “for the joy set before him,” we are reminded that joy isn't a fleeting feeling—it's a divine purpose. From candy canes carried across the globe to Santa's throne on Santa Claus Lane, this sermon captures the holy hilarity and sacred generosity of Christmas.  

Many things "happen" here in the Holy Land, which is why the root "kara" – ק.ר.ה – with all its derivatives, is so popular. Guy Sharett explains how it's related to murder, earthquakes, and soy milk, and finishes with an anecdote (in Hebrew) about a lady called Carmela. Hear the All-Hebrew Episode on Patreon   New Words and Expressions: Karah – Happened – קרה "Ma kara la-yeled" – What happened to the child – מה קרה לילד Ma kara, ma kara? – What on earth? – מה קרה, מה קרה Ma koreh achi? – What's going on, dude? – מה קורה אחי Az ma od koreh itach – So what else is happening with you? – אז מה עוד קורה איתך Ma koreh im… – What's happening with… – מה קורה עם Ma kara im – What happened to… – מה קרה עם Tagidi ma kore itach? – Tell me, what's happening with you – תגידי מה קורה איתך Ma koreh itach? – What on earth is going on with you? – מה קורה איתך Ma leazazel koreh itcha? – What the hell is going on with you? – מה לעזאזל קורה איתך Ze ma she-kara – This is what happened – זה מה שקרה Ze lo kore li – It's not happening to me – זה לא קורה לי Ze lo yikre shuv – It won't happen again – זה לא יקרה שוב Kara mashehu? – Did something happen? – קרה משהו Nu ve-kara mashehu? – So did something happen? – נו, וקרה משהו Mikreh, mikrim – Case, cases – מקרה, מקרים   "Ani gam kacha mikreh avud" – Anyway I am a lost cause – אני גם ככה מקרה אבוד Mikre katseh – Edge case – מקרה קצה Mikre cherum – Emergency – מקרה חירום Be-mikre cherum ata yachol tamid lehitkasher elai – In case of an emergency you can always call me – במקרה חירום אתה יכול תמיד להתקשר אליי Mikrey retsach – Murder cases – מקרי רצח "Ani rotseh lifgosh ota pit'om be-mikreh – I want to meet her suddenly, by chance – אני רוצה לפגוש אותה פתאום במקרה Be-mikreh – Accidentally – במקרה Ze kara be-mikreh – It happened accidentally – זה קרה במקרה Yesh lachem be-mikreh chalav soya? – Do you happen to have soy milk by any chance? – יש לכם במקרה חלב סויה Le-mikreh she – In case you need me, here is my number – למקרה שתצטרך אותי, הנה המספר שלי Be-mikreh shel re'idat adama – In case of an earthquake – במקרה של רעידת אדמה Bechol pgisha mikrit – At every random meeting – בכל פגישה מקרית Mikri – Random – מקרי Mikriyoot – Coincidence – מקריות   Playlist and Clips: Matti Caspi – Yemei Binyamina (lyrics) Moshe Peretz – Ma Kore Itach (lyrics)  Ozi Zoltak – Afilu Lo At (lyrics) Meir Ariel – Pluga Ba-kav (lyrics) Arik Lavie – Haya o lo haya (lyrics)   Ep. no. 16  Cursing Drivers in Hebrew HEB Ep. no. 79 about the flow of conversation HEB

Join Rabbi as he journeys onto the Red Sea, the sea that God supernaturally parted to deliver Israel from slavery in Egypt. Learn more about this historical and biblical event and how to follow God into freedom in your own life! **** BECOME A MONTHLY PARTNER - https://djj.show/YTAPartner  **** DONATE - https://djj.show/YTADonate  **** TEACHING NOTES - https://djj.show/7lc 

The humble birth of Jesus Christ reveals a truth that, frankly, is shocking. In fact, it's as surprising today as it was in the day Mary gave birth to Jesus in a Bethlehem barn.In this episode of Live the Bible, we take a special look at Christmas and its surprising truth. What truth? The pursuits of our lives and passions can easily get misplaced. Jesus shows us that the way up is down. The way to true greatness in the eyes of God is to be a servant to Him—and to others—just like Jesus was from the day He was born. Support the show

Join Rabbi Schneider as he shares the story of Elijah and the 450 prophets of Baal during this special Holy Land journey to Mount Carmel. Do you serve God or compromise your faith? Do you recognize how worldly distractions and idolatry enter your life? Learn holy choices and how to avoid compromising your faith today on this episode of Discovering the Jewish Jesus as we explore Elijah's faith-filled example. **** BECOME A MONTHLY PARTNER - https://djj.show/YTAPartner  **** DONATE - https://djj.show/YTADonate  **** TEACHING NOTES - https://djj.show/x2l 

Episode Description In this powerful and deeply moving episode of The Rob Skinner Podcast, Rob sits down with Jordan and Caryn McLeod, longtime missionaries whose journey has taken them from New York City to Jerusalem, Cyprus, and back to the United States. Raised in Jewish homes, Jordan and Caryn share their personal faith journeys, how they became Christians, and what led them to leave everything behind to help plant the church in the Holy Land. They open up about cultural barriers, spiritual resistance, heartbreak, perseverance, and what it really takes to serve God in one of the most challenging mission fields in the world. This conversation goes far beyond missions—it's about marriage, parenting, generosity, resilience, and learning to make your life truly count in every season. If you've ever wondered what faith looks like when it's tested, stretched, and refined over decades, this episode will inspire and challenge you. In This Episode, You'll Hear: Jordan and Caryn's conversion stories and Jewish backgrounds What it's like to plant a church in Jerusalem from scratch Why faith in Israel requires a completely different approach The idea of "completion" rather than conversion for Jewish believers Cultural, religious, and emotional challenges of overseas missions How they stayed faithful during years of slow growth and discouragement Stories of God's provision, generosity, and miracles Raising faithful children on the mission field Transitioning from full-time missions to family-focused ministry Advice for anyone who wants to live a no-regrets life Key Scriptures Referenced: Galatians 5:6 Hebrews (faith and perseverance themes) Acts (church planting and endurance) About the Guests Jordan and Caryn McLeod served for over a decade as missionaries in Jerusalem and Cyprus. They are parents of four children, many of whom are now serving in missions around the world. Their story reflects decades of faithful service, adaptability, and deep trust in God. Resources & Links Learn more about Rob Skinner: RobSkinner.com Get Rob's book The 10X Christian on Amazon or RobSkinner.com Support the Podcast If this episode encouraged you: Subscribe to The Rob Skinner Podcast Share this episode with a friend Leave a review to help others discover the show Live a no-regrets life. Make this life count. Multiply disciples, leaders, and churches.

In this episode of the Gubba Podcast, we explore a controversial and rarely examined theory: that key biblical events may have taken place in what we now call Utah, and that modern maps may not tell the full story of ancient history. By looking closely at geography, water systems, place names, and historical patterns, we compare biblical descriptions of Judea, Jerusalem, and the Jordan River with striking similarities found in the Utah landscape.This episode examines why certain biblical place names cluster in the American West, how sacred geography may have been relocated over time, and why questioning official historical narratives is often discouraged. We also explore early reports, archaeological inconsistencies, and psychological conditioning around maps, authority, and belief.You don't have to accept every theory presented here—but if you've ever questioned where biblical history really happened, or why some questions are treated as off-limits, this episode will challenge you to look at the land, the Bible, and history itself in a new way.Learn more about this episode at others at Gubba Homestead PodcastShop All Natural Skincare and homestead products made right here in the USA

When Christmas is done and dusted – what do you do with it? Put it back in the cupboard with the decorations for next year – or let the message of Christian burn on in your heart?   CHRISTMAS IN REVIEW So how have you gone, in those busy weeks leading up to Christmas? Did you enjoy yourself or was the stress just too much? Was it a kind of rich experience or did the cares of this world; all that stuff, you know, that we do leading up to Christmas, did it rob you of the Christmas you think that you should have had? Over these last few weeks on the programme we have been working our way through a series of messages that I've called 'Message in a Bottle'. The whole Christmas story was born out of the shepherd heart of God; the heart of God to draw us into His arms. Have a listen to the Scripture that we used in the first programme, three weeks ago, Ezekiel, chapter 34, verse 11. And by the way, if you have a Bible, grab it; open it up because we are going to spend some time in God's Word today. This is what Ezekiel wrote; this is what God said: I, Myself will search for My sheep and look after them. As a shepherd looks after his scattered flock when he is with them, so I will look after My sheep. I will rescue them from all the places where they were scattered on the day of clouds and darkness. I will search for the lost and bring back the strays. I will bind up the injured and strengthen the weak but the sleek and the strong I will destroy. I will shepherd the flock with justice. God has this heart like a shepherd does for his flock of sheep, to look after us and to care for us and to love us. And out of that is born this incredible story of Christmas. You know how it all came about: Joseph and Mary, these two young people, ordinary people; nobodies like you and me, called to bring Jesus into the world. Not a king and queen; a teenaged girl and a young carpenter. Now all the stories of Christmas, I guess, are as familiar to all of us as breathing in and out everyday. I mean, we go through Christmas each year, but when you scratch underneath them, which is what we have been doing the last few weeks on the programme, I don't know, there's a gritty reality of life in the story of Christmas. It's a kind of a surprise, I mean, Mary is pregnant by the Holy Spirit; it's a virgin birth. And there was a prophesy centuries before, that Jesus would be born to a virgin. The prophet Isaiah wrote in chapter 7, verse 14 of Isaiah: Therefore the Lord Himself will give you a sign – the virgin will be with a child and she will give birth to a son. Great! You look at it from two thousand years on as we do and you think, "well, there's a virgin birth and that's what happened and that it was God's story." But back then, imagine the shame she went through when she had this pregnancy out of wedlock, at a time when that wasn't an acceptable lifestyle choice as it might be in society today? Even though God prophesied about that centuries before, who would of thought Mary, and who would have believed Mary going, "well, you know it was the Holy Spirit that did it?" Give me a break! So Mary went around with this shame and Joseph was going to dismiss her quietly until God spoke to him in a dream. And then Jesus was born in a stable and not a palace, in this place, Bethlehem. Even that was prophesied about centuries before. In Micah, chapter 5, verse 2, it says: But you Bethlehem, though you are small among the clans of Judah, out of you will come for Me, one who will be ruler of Israel, whose origins are of old, from ancient times. See, that's a prophesy pointing forward to the birth of Jesus Christ, in Bethlehem. And of course, Herod tried to kill Jesus – they had to flee to Egypt. Again that was prophesied about centuries before in Jeremiah, chapter 31, verse 15: This is what the Lord says, "A voice is heard in Ramah, mourning with great weeping; Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted because her children are no more." There's a prophesy about the way that Herod slew all the young children under two years of age. And so I guess we have been looking at all things the last few weeks on the programme and I remember the first time I began to take a cold, hard look at the Christmas story – you know, the realities, the history. I was a bit disappointed. I mean, somehow I wanted to keep that idealised pantomime view of Christmas; the cutesy Mary, Joseph, donkey, baby in a manger thing. I mean, we like to idealise things. You know when Hollywood makes a movie out of a true story, they embellish things. You know, we like to do that. But Christmas isn't a pantomime. The true story of Christmas – of Jesus' birth – is about hardship, about pressure, about discomfort, about danger. I mean, Mary was on a donkey for a week or two, heading for Bethlehem for the census, in the last weeks of her pregnancy. That would have been fun! And then she gave birth to Jesus in a smelly, grotty stable, surrounded by animals. What a place to give birth to a child? And then Herod massacred all these infants and Joseph and Mary and Jesus were fleeing for their lives down to Egypt. This is the Christmas that Jesus chose for Himself; the Son of God, who always exists. I mean, John tells us in the first verse of the first chapter of John's Gospel: "In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God," and then down in verse 14, "And then the Word became flesh." So here is Jesus, the Eternal Son, who could choose the time, the place and the circumstances for His birth on this earth and as much as I mourned the passing of the cute Christmas pantomime in my heart, when you start to get down and dirty with the reality of Christmas, for me, it was like opening up the message in a bottle. It's like God sent this message from heaven that washed up on a beach, I find the bottle, I stoop down, I open it, and I discover what's really inside. See, for me, sticking with just the pantomime is like taking that bottle up off the beach and putting it on a shelf and looking at it with a warm glow saying, "yea, you know, I know what that message is. It's a cute pantomime; I don't have to open it." But opening the bottle, reading the message of Christmas; discovering the gritty reality for me, you know what it says in big letters? God became one of us! Your life, my life; they're not pantomimes; they're not some cutesy story – there's a tough reality to life. Sure there are joys and delights but there's also this gritty reality. Most of us, we don't live in a palace. Most of us, we are just ordinary, everyday people with ordinary, everyday lives with the challenges and the pressures and the losses and the hurts. So many people live scarred lives – so many people live lives where they're lost – so many people live their lives wandering aimlessly around; "why am I here, where am I headed, what's this life all about?" And it's one thing for God, from a distance, to say, "well, here are the answers". That's one thing but just at the right time, God becomes a man – the Message, the Word, becomes flesh; one of us. Theologians talk about the incarnation, me? For me, it's just God became one of us, like you and me. Christmas is a great time, but what of the Christmas story can we carry around in our hearts, every day of the year; 24/7? What of Christmas makes a real difference in our lives when Christmas is done and dust; when the season is over? Well for me, it's the fact that God became one of us. We will unpack that a bit more next.   HE UNDERSTANDS Let's pick up for a moment on the reality and the normality of Jesus entry into this world. He was the Son of God, we saw that before. I mean, John in John's Gospel makes it clear. Jesus just wasn't created on the day He was born. Jesus is the Eternal Son of God and yet on that night in Bethlehem, He became the Son of Man, one of us. In fact, that's how Jesus most frequently referred to Himself; He almost never said, "Son of God"; He mostly said, "Son of Man". He was both. But most people you ask, "was He more like God or more like us?" Most people would say, "well, I know that in Jesus, God became human, but at the end of the day, He's still God, so really He's not like us." I guess that's a natural reaction. Jesus is the Son of God; no, He didn't sin; He was and remains perfect. And so if we look at Jesus like that, in a sense, it doesn't help us on our journey. Jesus was perfect and He said some things about judging other people and loving our enemies and murder begins in the heart and you commit adultery if you just look at a woman the wrong way, all that stuff. And you can come to the conclusion, you know something, I can't live up to all that stuff. So I feel condemned and therefore, Jesus isn't good news at all. The fact that God became a man doesn't help me at all. A few weeks ago, at the beginning of this series, we looked a the shepherd heart of God and in particular the beautiful verses in Leviticus, chapter 26, verses 11 and 12, where God says to Israel: I will put My dwelling place in your midst and I will not abhor you. I will walk among you and I will be your God and you will be My people. Please, understand how radical that is! It is totally contrary to all the other gods that all the other nations worshipped. Their concept was by and large, of appeasing the gods so that they wouldn't be punished. You went and worshipped gods and idols in temples up on hills, but here the God of Israel is a God of relationship with His people, on their journey, in their midst. And as we saw before, in John, chapter 1, verse 14: And then the Word became flesh and dwelt in our midst. Literally, tabernacled among us, like God tabernacled, or had a tent, with Israel on the exodus, so John says: "God came and dwelt with us through Jesus." Christmas is Jesus getting on our journey with us and one of the most beautiful explanations of that for me is to be found in Hebrews, chapter 4. If you've got a Bible, flick it open, go to Hebrews, chapter 4, verse 14. The picture here the writer of Hebrews is using is of Jesus as our High Priest. You know, the High Priest used to go into the temple on one day of the year, right into the Holy of Holies on Yom Kippur, and take a sacrifice for peoples' sin. And so that's why the writer used this term the "High Priest". And he says: Since we have a great High Priest, who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith that we profess. For we don't have a High Priest who can't sympathise with our weaknesses but we have one who has been tempted and tested in every way, just as we are, yet He was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. See, it says here Jesus was not just in heaven, that's natural, He's the Son of God, but He is able to sympathise and empathise with all the stuff we go through. Why? Not just because He's God but because He has been through every trial and every temptation, every hurt, every disappointment that we ever have been or we will ever travel through. He's walked on those long dusty roads. I challenge you to read one of the Gospel accounts – Matthew, Mark, Luke or John, end to end in one session, like a story. Not all chopped up like we sometimes do, but end to end – and just look at what He experienced, how people treated Him, what they said about Him. How often they misunderstood Him. It will only take you a couple of hours and it's really worth doing. Curl up with a good cup of coffee and read a good book; the Good Book. And as you read about all the stuff He went through put yourself in His shoes and we begin to understand what He felt. At Christmas God steps out of heaven and into history. That's exactly what He does for us – He steps into our shoes, our reality, our experiences first hand, every trial, every temptation that we go through, He knows because He's God; He knows because He's man. And therefore, because of His humanity, because He's been through it all, let us approach the throne of grace with confidence so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Therefore, because He became a man, became He has experienced what we go through; we can go to Him with boldness and confidence, and approach the throne of grace. A boldness that arises, not of who we are or what we do, a boldness that arises out of the central fact of Christmas – the Son of God became the Son of Man. Because of that we can be confident that He understands and that we will find and receive mercy and grace, just at the right time in our need. And the whole point of mercy and grace is that they can't be mercy and grace unless we don't deserve them. If we deserved them they wouldn't be mercy and grace. But we can be bold about them anyway. Can I tell you something? That's a Christmas message worth carrying around in my heart for everyday of the year, not just for the 25th of December. Jesus gets it not just because He's God; He knows everything of course, but because He became one of us and walked a mile or two in our shoes. That is something to warm our hearts every day of the year. But there's one other thing – a really important thing about our future, about our inheritance that comes out of Christmas and I'm going to share that next.   OUR INHERITANCE There's this one other thing; a really important thing that I want to share with you about Christmas today. Again it's a side of Christmas that you and I can carry around in our hearts every day of the year for the rest of our lives here on this earth. Earlier we looked a Christmas where Jesus becomes one of us; the thing that the theologians call the "incarnation". He gets it; He understands our circumstances because He's walked in our shoes and God's Word says that we should place our confidence in that. That when we are struggling; when we made a blunder; when we are just finding it hard, to come boldly before the throne of grace because Jesus has walked in our shoes and He understands That's fantastic and it's for here and now. But there's also a really important thing for the future that we get out of Christmas and that is "hope". Hope is such an important thing, something to hope for in the future; a certain hope; not a kind of uncertain hope like "I hope it doesn't rain tomorrow", or "I hope I win the lotto", or, you know what I mean? A certain hope, because without hope life if hopeless. We have all experienced that sense of lost-ness and hopelessness from time to time and for some people it's a place where they seem to live almost permanently. Well, it's not meant to be that way. Have a listen to what the Apostle Paul writes in Romans, chapter 8, beginning at verse 15. He's writing about God's love for us through Jesus Christ and if you have a Bible, go there, Romans, chapter 8, verse 15. He writes this: For you didn't receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you've received the spirit of adoption and by Him we cry, "Abba", 'Dad'. The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirits that we are God's children. Now if we are His children, then we are His heirs; heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in His sufferings in order that we may also share in His glory. See, Jesus became one of us. Yes, He's the Son of God; God the Son but just as He is the Son of God, we are children of God, joint heirs with Jesus. That's a hard idea to get our minds around because if we think, 'well, Jesus is so different to us because He is the Son of God', we miss the point. Jesus was a little baby that came into this world just as you and I did. He slipped into this world, He cried and He was just like you and me. He was born, He lived, He struggled, He ministered, He died, He rose again and now He is with the Father in heaven and He has gone ahead of us and we inherit what He inherits. The Apostle Peter puts it like this in First Peter, chapter 1, verse 3: Praise be to God and our Father of the Lord Jesus Christ, because in His great mercy He's given us a new birth into a living hope, through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade, kept in heaven for you, who through faith, are protected by God's power. It's an inheritance that's being kept for us and it comes from the fact that we are joint heirs with Jesus. Jesus was the one that went to the cross for us; He was the one that rose again and He purchased that inheritance for us on the cross. That inheritance is there waiting for us, safer than anything we can imagine. The reason I have called this programme "Christianityworks" is because I believe that it does. I believe that faith in Jesus Christ changes our lives – it works – it makes our lives better. It means God gets in and deals with problems that we can't deal with. But you know what the risk of that is? The risk is we focus just on the here and now but God calls us to live with eternity in mind. Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ because in His great mercy He has given us a new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade, being kept in heaven for you. God is saying, "Lift up your eyes. Look at eternity. Look at what I have prepared for you." You are a joint heir with Jesus. Jesus is the first born among many and He has risen from the dead and we get to spend eternity with Him in delight and worship and rest and peace and no sickness or tears or poverty. We are co-heirs of that, in Christ. That's all part of God's plan for Christmas. Jesus became one of us to make us joint heirs with Him. Christmas is an awesome message. It is like a message in a bottle when the Word became flesh; when Jesus was washed up on the sands of time as one of us. Jesus is God's message; that's why the Bible calls Him 'the Word of God'. Jesus is God speaking to us in a language we can understand and what a wondrous message – help for today and hope for tomorrow – compassion and understanding and mercy and grace for today because Jesus has walked in our shoes. And so we can be confident in that because of the fact that He knows, first hand, but also joint heirs with Christ for all eternity. Christmas – what an amazing message – a message in a bottle. And I want to encourage you, don't take Christmas and put it back in the cupboard with the Christmas decorations, just to kind of trot it out in twelve months time – don't do that. The message of Christmas is that God the Son became one of us and He walked the dusty roads of the Holy Land and experienced every thing that you and I experience. He knows what we are going through and He has purchased an eternal hope.

Send us a text!The preeminent leader of the First Crusade, Duke Godfrey of Bouillon perfectly encapsulated C.S. Lewis' chivalric ideal—he was both fierce and meek, the ideal picture of masculine knighthood. After Pope Urban's call to arms, Godfrey and many others would make the epic journey to the Holy Land, where they would attempt to capture Jerusalem. In this episode, we talk about Godfrey's leadership, epic victories, and the retaking of Jerusalem.Did you know supporters of the show get ad-free video and audio episodes delivered early and access to our patron exclusive show the After Hours and interactive live streams with Eric and Brian?      https://www.patreon.com/thekingshallThis episode is sponsored by: Lux Coffee Company; Caffeinating the New Christendom with artisan roast coffee. Get 15% off your coffee with code "NCP15". https://luxcoffee.co/Armored Republic: Making Tools of Liberty for the defense of every free man's God-given rights - Text JOIN to 88027 or visit: https://www.ar500armor.com/ Talk to Joe Garrisi about managing your wealth with Backwards Planning Financial.      https://backwardsplanningfinancial.com/Visit KeepwisePartners.com or call Derrick Taylor at 781-680-8000 to schedule a free consultation.      https://keepwise.partners/Small batch, hand-poured candles. Welcome to the resistance. https://resistancecandles.com/Visit Muzzle-Loaders.com and get 10% off your first order when you use the coupon code KINGSHALL at checkout.      https://muzzle-loaders.com/Go to Mt Athos for sustainably sourced goat dairy protein and other performance products. Listeners of the show get a 20% discount site-wide with code "NCP20".    https://athosperform.com/Join us at the New Christendom Press conference, The War for Normal, this June 11-14 in Ogden, Utah. https://www.newchristendompress.com/2026Our new books are now in stock and shipping. https://www.newchristendompress.com/bonifaceoption-revilingwives-15-offSupport the show:https://www.patreon.com/thekingshall

Do you know who you are? Are you feeling weak and lost in the wilderness? Rabbi Schneider shares that overcoming temptation is rooted in knowing your identity in Christ, learning how to live in faith and not in presumption, and understanding that fame, riches, and glory of the world are the seduction Satan uses to pull us away from God the Father. If you have compromised your faith for worldly gain and glory, you can repent and come back to God. The fight against the world, the flesh, and the devil will be constant all the days of our life. Knowing our identity and leaning into God's word for strength when we are weak is crucial. Fight the fight of faith and overcome temptation in the power of Jesus name.   **** BECOME A MONTHLY PARTNER - https://djj.show/YTAPartner **** DONATE - https://djj.show/YTADonate **** TEACHING NOTES - https://djj.show/azs

Fr. Robert McTeigue is joined by Holy Land expert Steve Ray to help listeners enter more deeply into the mystery of the Nativity. They walk through Bethlehem and beyond, illuminating what Christ, Mary, and Joseph encountered at His birth, and how this vivid "composition of place" can transform our prayer and worship today. Show Notes Pilgrimages with Steve and Janet Ray Hail, Holy Queen: The Mother of God in the Word of God: Scott Hahn iCatholic Mobile The Station of the Cross Merchandise - Use Coupon Code 14STATIONS for 10% off | Catholic to the Max Read Fr. McTeigue's Written Works! "Let's Take A Closer Look" with Fr. Robert McTeigue, S.J. | Full Series Playlist Listen to Fr. McTeigue's Preaching! | Herald of the Gospel Sermons Podcast on Spotify Visit Fr. McTeigue's Website | Herald of the Gospel Questions? Comments? Feedback? Ask Father!

The words High and Late Middle Ages conjures up images of fog rising up over a field where knights in shining armor are trading blows with double handed swords, mighty bishops overseeing the construction of monumental cathedrals and peasants toiling on the land as serfs. The reason we see it that way goes back to the chivalric literature that celebrated the aristocratic lifestyle where tournaments and poetry mattered more than the humdrum world of business.But let's just take a look back at the High Middle Ages, the time of Richard the Lionheart, Saint Louis and Frederick Barbarossa. Who controlled access to the great endeavor of the time, the conquest of the Holy Land? Who re-opened up the connections to the wider world, from Novgorod to India and China? Who were the most ferocious fighters who neither expected norgranted any quarter? Who had all the money?These were the great cities of Italy, of Flanders, of Picardie and Provence and of the Holy Roman Empire. Verona under the Della Scala in the 14th century generated tax revenues twice as high as those of England, Venice capacity was sixty percent of what France could generate. And these cities fielded armies that, as we know, defeated the Holy Roman Emperors, even the most capable ones like Barbarossa and Frederick II time and time again. Their absolute dedication to fight to the end was evidenced by their extremely heavy and slow war carts, the Carroccios and by the bravery of the Flemish Militia at the Battle of the Golden Spurs. And the first European since Roman times to make to India and China wasn't a Knight errant, but a Venetian merchant, nor were the vast lands on the Eastern side of the continent linked up by military force. The crusades, the grand project of the age was as much a venetian mercantile adventure as a religious pilgrimage, culminating in the sack of Constantinople in 1204. What happened? Where did all these city states go? And why?That is what we are going to discuss today, when we look at the showdown between Maximilian of Habsburg, widower of the last duchess of Burgundy and father of Philip, the universally recognised heir of the Low Countries and the Flemish cities, and specifically its largest, the city of Ghent.The music for the show is Flute Sonata in E-flat major, H.545 by Carl Phillip Emmanuel Bach (or some claim it as BWV 1031 Johann Sebastian Bach) performed and arranged by Michel Rondeau under Common Creative Licence 3.0.As always:Homepage with maps, photos, transcripts and blog: www.historyofthegermans.comIf you wish to support the show go to: Support • History of the Germans PodcastFacebook: @HOTGPod Threads: @history_of_the_germans_podcastBluesky: @hotgpod.bsky.socialInstagram: history_of_the_germansTwitter: @germanshistoryTo make it easier for you to share the podcast, I have created separate playlists for some of the seasons that are set up as individual podcasts....

Why do people get baptized? Rabbi Schneider shares the origins of baptism and how to understand what it means to be baptized in Jesus' name. The Jordan River is central to this Holy Land teaching. Watch now and learn what water, going under water, and rising out of the water symbolizes in the Bible.   **** BECOME A MONTHLY PARTNER - https://djj.show/YTAPartner **** DONATE - https://djj.show/YTADonate **** TEACHING NOTES - https://djj.show/azs

Today Stephen Heiner joins the Flagship Show as a guest to discuss the ongoing conflict in the Holy Land and its particular impact of Lebanon. Stephen's perspective on this issue is multifaceted, emphasizing the complexity of the conflict and the necessity for comprehensive understanding before forming opinions. In this show he gives listeners a background shaped by his study of ethnic cleansing and the specific history of this region. Lebanon Live Stream recording: https://www.youtube.com/live/xQkSJXDLN3E?t=220s Original Air Date: December 16, 2025 Show Run Time: 51 minutes Show Host: Alexander Krawczyk Show Guest: Stephen Heiner Show Sponsor: Palestine Bookshelf https://youtube.com/@palestinebookshelf https://palestinebookshelf.substack.com/ Episode: https://truerestoration.org/the-flagship-show-episode-82-israel-and-lebanon/ Course: https://truerestoration.org/courses/the-flagship-show/ To gain unlimited access to all Restoration Radio shows, you can become an Annual member by clicking the link below. https://truerestoration.org/member-signup

What was it like to be a shepherd over 2000 years ago? Tending flocks, with agriculture, formed the basis of the Holy Land’s economy, and sheep raised on the hillsides around Bethlehem may well have been destined for temple sacrifices in Jerusalem, only six miles to the north. Let’s continue describing a shepherd's life. Ee48. Books by Dr. Ralph F. Wilson available at https://amzn.to/46ORT00 Gospel of Luke available at https://amzn.to/45vVii4 ENJOY Ad-Free content, Bonus episodes, and Extra materials when joining our growing community on https://patreon.com/markvinet SUPPORT this channel by purchasing any product on Amazon using this FREE entry LINK https://amzn.to/3POlrUD (Amazon gives us credit at NO extra charge to you). Mark Vinet's HISTORY OF NORTH AMERICA podcast: www.parthenonpodcast.com/history-of-north-america Mark's TIMELINE video channel: https://youtube.com/c/TIMELINE_MarkVinet Website: https://markvinet.com/podcast Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mark.vinet.9 Twitter: https://twitter.com/HistoricalJesu Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/denarynovels Mark's books: https://amzn.to/3k8qrGM Audio Credit: Shepherds in Bethlehem (Luke 2:8-20) by Dr. Ralph F. Wilson (JesusWalk Bible Study Series; Joyful Heart Renewal Ministries). Audio excerpts reproduced under the Fair Use (Fair Dealings) Legal Doctrine for purposes such as criticism, comment, teaching, education, scholarship, research and news reporting.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Who do you say Jesus is? Are you truly a Christian? Rabbi Schneider shares from Caesarea Philippi, in the Holy Land of Israel, that Jesus said, "I am the way the truth and the life, and no one comes to the Father except through me." In this episode, we learn the various ways the traditional Catholic and traditional Protestant churches interpret Jesus' words to Peter, but is that what Jesus meant? Putting it all into perspective, Jesus refers to revelation through God the Father. You are chosen. You have a destiny. Come to the Father through Jesus the Messiah. **** BECOME A MONTHLY PARTNER - https://djj.show/YTAPartner  **** DONATE - https://djj.show/YTADonate  **** TEACHING NOTES - https://djj.show/nf2 

Struggles with Self-Worth: Rosalie's Journey from Abuse to Healing Through Faith In this episode host Diana welcomes Rosalie Janelle, host of 'The Good News' podcast, to share her powerful survivor story. Rosalie opens up about her journey from an abusive relationship to finding faith and beginning her healing process through therapy and a closer relationship with God. The discussion covers Rosalie's background, the signs of abuse, the harrowing experiences she endured, and how she was ultimately saved, both physically and spiritually. This episode aims to provide hope and encouragement to those in abusive situations, emphasizing the importance of faith, support systems, and professional help. 00:00 Introduction and Sponsor Message 00:47 Welcome to the Podcast 01:26 Introducing Today's Guest: Rosalie Janelle 02:31 Rosalie's Background and Upbringing 04:42 College Years and Faith Struggles 07:21 Entering an Abusive Relationship 09:40 Escalation of Abuse 18:16 Struggles with Self-Worth and Infidelity 19:40 A Violent Turning Point 23:39 Realization and Rock Bottom 24:27 The Violent Incident 26:10 Aftermath and Legal Proceedings 26:56 Spiritual Awakening 30:39 Healing Journey 35:19 Therapy and EMDR 40:30 Advice for Those in Abusive Situations 43:31 Conclusion and Final Thoughts Website: www.thegoodnewspodcast.org Email: genaor@gmail.com Social media links: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Rosellygenao Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/zealouzlysweet/ My podcast: The Good News Podcast www.thegoodnewspodcast.org Available on Anchor, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Breaker, Google Podcasts, Pocket Cast, Radio Public Bio: Roselly Genao is a podcast host, spiritual coach and an operations supervisor in the emergency services industry. Roselly has been serving God faithfully since November 2019, shortly after she survived a traumatic attack on her life. Roselly's affinity is drawing people nearer to Christ through encouragement and inspiration. She currently is the host of The Good News Podcast and is a certified emotional first aide provider. With these means she helps bring people closer to God daily in conjunction with serving God.   Website: https://dswministries.org Subscribe to the podcast: https://dswministries.org/subscribe-to-podcast/ Social media links: Join our Private Wounds of the Faithful FB Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1603903730020136 Twitter: https://twitter.com/DswMinistries YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxgIpWVQCmjqog0PMK4khDw/playlists Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dswministries/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DSW-Ministries-230135337033879 Keep in touch with me! Email subscribe to get my handpicked list of the best resources for abuse survivors! https://thoughtful-composer-4268.ck.page #abuse #trauma Affiliate links: Our Sponsor: 753 Academy: https://www.753academy.com/ Can't travel to The Holy Land right now? The next best thing is Walking The Bible Lands! Get a free video sample of the Bible lands here! https://www.walkingthebiblelands.com/a/18410/hN8u6LQP An easy way to help my ministry: https://dswministries.org/product/buy-me-a-cup-of-tea/ A donation link: https://dswministries.org/donate/ [00:00:00] Special thanks to 7 5 3 Academy for sponsoring this episode. No matter where you are in your fitness and health journey, they've got you covered. They specialize in helping you exceed your health and fitness goals, whether that is losing body fat, gaining muscle, or nutritional coaching to match your fitness levels. They do it all with a written guarantee for results so you don't waste time and money on a program that doesn't exceed your goals. There are martial arts programs. Specialize in anti-bullying programs for kids to combat proven Filipino martial arts. They take a holistic, fun, and innovative approach that simply works. Sign up for your free class now. It's 7 5 3 academy.com. Find the link in the show notes. Welcome to the Wounds of the Faithful Podcast, brought to you by DSW Ministries. Your host is singer songwriter, speaker and domestic violence advocate, [00:01:00] Diana . She is passionate about helping survivors in the church heal from domestic violence and abuse and trauma. This podcast is not a substitute for professional counseling or qualified medical help. Now here is Diana. Hello everyone. How are you doing ? I'm glad you joined me today on my podcast. We have a survivor story today. I think you'll be really blessed by her story. Rosalie. Janelle is on the show today. And I hope that you'll listen closely to what she has to share with you. She's the host of the Good News podcast. She's going to bring a raw and honest story of how she got into an abusive relationship and how she got out, how she found the Lord, and how she has started her healing journey. So without [00:02:00] further ado, here's Rosalie. Welcome, Rosalie Janelle to the show. Thank you so much for coming on. No problem. I'm happy to be here. Diana, thank you for inviting me on. Now the tables are turned , you're in the guest chair today? Yes. My first time too, so I'm not used to it. I was just on her podcast, the Good News podcast. Mm-hmm. And uh, that's what podcasters do. We go on each other's shows. Yes. Amen. Absolutely. I'm happy to be here. So tell the audience a little bit about your fine self. Yes, absolutely. So as Diana mentioned, my name is Rosalie Genow. I go by Rose, by trade. I'm a manager of an operation center. And, by night I'm a podcast host of the Good News podcast and, full-time. I'm a believer for Jesus. I love, spreading the gospel, talking to others about the gospel, and what he has done in my life. So that's why I'm here. Awesome. So let's start from the [00:03:00] beginning. What was your family upbringing like? Were you raised in a Christian home? Oh, this question from the beginning. I wasn't, I was raised in a Catholic home. And I say that very loosely because my parents weren't practicing when I was growing up. They mostly like practice, up until the point I was born. And then I got baptized as a baby into the Catholic. Church. But I still went to Catholic school, so we weren't practicing at home, but I went to Catholic school, so that kind of shaped, you know, gave me a little bit of foundation as I was growing up. But weirdly enough, I still, I didn't know God and not when I was younger. So what was, your home like growing up? I mean, it was typical. I don't think that it was, abnormal. I had both my parents, I have, I'm one of three, I have two siblings and I. I don't know. I don't, I wouldn't say it was atypical. It was a loving home. I was involved in a lot of extracurricular activities growing up in [00:04:00] school. I was, involved in, pretty much every group that you could think of. I was a good academic kid. My siblings, they did, have their children, a little on the younger side, so. Towards like my teenage years, I was growing up in the home alone. 'Cause my siblings moved out and started their families. And at that point in time when I was a teenager, I was a little bit of a, I was trouble, I was definitely trouble. I was not making great decisions. I started dating really young. Oh gosh. Probably younger than I should have. And, I think that really started, in my early college years, I really started to make some pretty bad decisions. So it started in my teenage years. So when you went off to college, you said that you had a collapse of your faith. What was your relationship with God like then in your life? Yeah, when I got to college, I wasn't really practicing any kind of religion or [00:05:00] even praying to God. My life was, like I said, I started a tr a path on my life where I was making da bad decisions almost daily. Now looking back, I think it was, the lack of having a relationship with God. But I would say that in the beginning of my college career, I had no relationship with God. I actually was very confused, because I had graduated from a Catholic, high school, and then I went to a Catholic university and I was seeking answers. So I was going to the Catholic mass, almost weekly, but it was kind of like just going through the motions of my, that was in the first year of my, of. The first semester of college and then I went to a girlfriend's church. And it was a non-denominational Christian Church, probably second semester of freshman year. And, that kind of started to change my perspective. On, God and who he was and who Jesus is because, it was so different than the Catholic church. So, mm-hmm. It sparked us an interest, but I would [00:06:00] say not enough for me to do anything about it. Not at the time. Yeah. I can relate. I was raised Catholic. I know it means to go through the motions on the outside and nothing happening on the inside really. So you mentioned you made some bad choices in life. Why do you think that happened? I mean, for me at the time there was definitely, I was definitely going through a lot of stuff, just on the inside because I didn't have any kind of foundation. I didn't have any, belief and a higher power at that point in time. So I kind of saw life for what it was. It felt worthless, it felt like, so I made some pretty bad choices based off that root feeling of just feeling like, you know, there was no purpose for life. And I actually fell into depression. And during college, I was mixed up in bad relationships, through college. And then ultimately I ended up dropping out of college because. I was just making horrible decisions. I was partying all night and all of those things stemmed from the fact that I [00:07:00] viewed life as purposeless and therefore I didn't give myself enough self-worth. Mm-hmm. So, mm-hmm. So it sounds like you were prime target for an abusive relationship that you got into. Would you be able to talk about that? Were there any red flags beforehand? Yeah. So, let's backtrack a little bit. Mm-hmm. So, after college, I actually, was with, a man who was semi abusive. Like we, we had really toxic, arguments. There was a once or twice where there was, physical fights between him and I. And ultimately when I left college, I walked away from that, you know? Mm-hmm. And I left college and I had to move back to Massachusetts. So I went to Seton Hall in New Jersey. And obviously after dropping out and not being able to afford living in New Jersey by myself, I was 20. I had to come back home to Massachusetts. And so when I did come back home to Massachusetts, I kinda just walked away from that relationship in college and I thought that, I didn't [00:08:00] think anything of it, I didn't see that it was an abusive relationship, my college relationship. I didn't think that it was anything outside of the normal. I thought I was like, oh, I'm 20 and I'm passionate. Fast forward probably. Let's see, I don't know how old I was , let's go back, let's go to 2016. Fast forward 2016. I dropped outta college in 2014 and I met a guy. He was actually a friend of a friend, so I met him through my friend and one of my closest girlfriends, honestly. And, and he came highly recommended. She thought she knew him. So she was like, yeah, you should give him a try. You know how to try going out with him, he seems like a good person. And so I did, to your question, and this is like late 2016, we started dating and within the first three months there were certainly red flags. I didn't see them then. Mm-hmm. Or maybe I did and I chose not to, but there was certainly a lot of, things that he didn't like about me. That [00:09:00] he ma he was vocal about from the very start, he, did not accept me for who I was. I come from a really small town, in Massachusetts. That's. Pretty ghetto. And he, often used to refer me to me as like a statistic of that same, city because a lot of people don't, they don't make it out of that city with a college degree or anything like that. And I had dropped out and so he used that, that oh, education target on my back, like to really make me feel bad. And that was only in the first three months. So there was definitely red flags. Did I listen? No. Yeah, I was guilty of ignoring red flags in my abusive relationship too. The relationship progresses, so when did you know the real abuse start? Mm-hmm. What kind of abuses did you endure? Yeah, like I said from the beginning, I feel like even three months in, even though, he wasn't physically, or even at that point, maybe emotionally abusive, but he [00:10:00] was definitely verbally abusive in the way he spoke to me. So I would say as early as those, it took me a really long time to actually understand that was abuse too. So as early as three months in, he was degrading me with words. And oftentimes, I would cry myself to sleep because I didn't know, I believed what he was saying, because I had, such a low self-esteem, such a self, a low self-worth. I believed everything that he said because I was like, well, it must be true. It's silly. But, i'm sorry, I kind of backtracked very common thought process that we deserve being treated this way. That's very common. Mm-hmm. Yeah. But one thing led to another and, eventually the relationship became, emotionally abusive. Like he was very manipulative. He wanted to kind of just. Make every decision for me. And I didn't know he was doing it. He would do it. He was very persuasive. He was very charming. And I actually, when I started [00:11:00] dating him, I started my walk with God. Mm-hmm. And I didn't know that he would be the one thing to deter it because I thought he was a Christian. I thought that he was in the church too. So we would go to church together. Oh, we had the whole deal together. Like it was just a front, and because I was like, oh, well he's, you know, obviously, I didn't marry him, but I also, the fact that I grew up in a Dominican household also played a part to it. I'm sorry if I'm jumping all over the place. No, you're fine. But, yeah, it played a role into the way I viewed men in my life because I thought that they always needed to be the, I'm Dominican, that culture's very, you know, the man is the head of the household, very machista, very, they gotta be the strong leader. And, so because I grew up in that setting, or with those examples, I would say. Not setting because my father was very different. But I saw that all around in the rest of my family. I definitely felt like I needed to have that in my life and I needed to follow [00:12:00] his lead, even though the lead was horrible. And so, I was like, all right, he's leading me anyways. We're going to church together. We're strengthening our faith together. This can't be that bad. That's what I used to tell myself. And there was a couple times that our verbal arguments got physical where he would pin me down. At times he would push me. It was a number of things. I tell myself all the time, I'm not even sure that I remember every single incident because there were so many at this point. And so ultimately. Towards the end of the relationship, he tried to kill me and oh, that's when I had to leave. Well, I didn't have an option. So it, it was a lot of physical, I'm sorry, a lot of verbal. And then ultimately physical abuse. So he was definitely faking it with the church stuff. And yeah, I mean, I don't, I didn't, I don't know. I would say definitely faking it, but also probably struggling on his own, and you mentioned your [00:13:00] background, but. I didn't even have that background of being Dominican or Spanish, but that seems to be a prevalent mindset in American culture, that the man is in charge and you're supposed to do what you're told and put up with it. Yeah, and that's why we don't fight back is because of the society that we are raised in, and then some of us have. An empathetic personality that results in wanting us to help people or maybe fix people. Was that true with you? Oh yeah. Absolutely. Especially by nature. I'm just like a, I'm a helper by nature. I want to help improve anything. I'm a manager, that's what I do. So I, with, when it came to my ex there was, he definitely had some, things internally going on that I thought. I was the answer to that I thought that I could help him with. There was definitely some anger stuff, and some unresolved trauma, so I was like, well. I'm pretty good at this stuff because I didn't, [00:14:00] at that point in my life, I hadn't really gone through much trauma. But I worked in the behavioral health field, so I'm like, I can help, I also love him so I can help. Mm-hmm. So each time that we had an issue I would focus on fixing either myself or trying to plead with him, see my side if I really thought that I was true, but oftentimes I was trying to fix him or I to be. Perfect for each other. For lack of better words. And you mentioned the word love. You loved him. What was your definition of love then? Yes. Well, I definitely, certainly did not know what love was then. Because, and I will say like it has a direct co correlation with the fact that I didn't know Jesus yet. Because I don't truly believe you can experience love without knowing Jesus. My definition of love back then was very, temporal. It was very, I don't even know what's the best word to explain it, but it was shallow. It was just based off of [00:15:00] appearances and what, what you can do for me and what I can do for you type of love. So not at all anything like what the love of God offers us. And I can say that now. I definitely know that I didn't know Jesus then. So I didn't know how to love or be properly loved. You were how old again? Whew. I didn't think about that. Let's see. Early in the twenties, right? Yeah. Yeah. I was 20, 24, 25, 24 when I started dating him. And then 20, oh gosh, I don't know. Yeah, I'm 27 now, so that was two years ago. So I was about like 22 to 26 when I was dating him, or 25. I think all the young people, including myself, when I was in my twenties, I was very gullible and innocent and trusting and yeah, I didn't know what love was and my mother made it very clear that, oh, well you don't, you have no clue what love is [00:16:00] and no mom, I, maybe I don't, but I'm gonna find out. And. You learn as you get older. You learn by experience. You learn when you meet Jesus, you learn how he loved us and how we are to love others. So, don't be too hard on yourself. Right? Yeah, yeah. No, absolutely. I hear you. Yeah. No, my mom said the same thing growing up. You don't know. I love is, I think we often hear that and we don't actually understand what it is until we either lack, real love or we experience it for the first time. Yeah, because our parents, they see the people that we date and they're like, oh no, not for my kid. That's not a good choice for you, but we don't listen. Yeah. It actually, it's so funny you mentioned that it actually was different with my ex in that accord because my entire family actually loved him. Really? My entire family actually. Did not. Well, for two reasons. I was never vocal about the abuse. I never actually told everybody the real [00:17:00] truth about what was going on behind closed doors. So that was the first thing. And like I said earlier, he was charming. He would, he was persuasive. He got along with just about everybody. And when I tell you, like most of my family, I'm probably to this day, they still say the same thing. They said, we were shocked. We were surprised 'cause they did not see it coming. Well. Mm-hmm. I think my dad and my stepmother didn't really know the extent of the abuse. They saw some things. And they didn't like him, but they would never interfere out of respect for me. My mother and my sister were a little more vocal about, I don't like him. He, he pushes you around, he bosses you around. He's, he is arrogant and he is rude and. All those things, but mm-hmm. No, I didn't, I didn't listen. So at this point in your relationship you suffered a lot up to this point. Mm-hmm. Would you say that you were an angel at that time? No, I [00:18:00] definitely would not say that. And, before it was really difficult for me to explain this portion of my story because I couldn't do it without guilt or shame because that's what the enemy tries to, ki tries to keep us in shame and secrecy. Mm-hmm. But I mean, in my relationship with my ex, I have, I, I became unfaithful and little. Did I know then because I didn't understand then why I was seeking other men, and I was see, , seeking attention from other guys. It all ties to, for me, it all ties to the fact that I, I had a really low self-esteem and my self-worth was probably on the ground again. I didn't know God, I didn't really have a relationship with him. I, like I was saying I was going to church, but I was just going through the motions 'cause it's what I used to do and I was going to a Christian Church at this time. But it's just based on the foundation that I had from growing up in that Catholic church and I was, I just knew to go through the motions. I didn't really understand that I needed [00:19:00] to practice a relationship with God. So even though I was going to church while I was in this relationship, I didn't know God enough to know the love that he had for me and therefore make better decisions. So I saw other men, I saw, attention from particularly this one other guy, and I got really involved with him while I was with my ex. And ultimately the, that was something that made the abuse worse. Mm-hmm. Because my ex found out about it, and he, there was two occasions where on one occasion, the first time that he found out about the other guy, it was, oh, it was tough. He dragged me outta my bed. I was sleeping and he, Ooh. Just woke me up and dragged me outta the bed because he saw the text messages from the other guy. And I remember in that morning, so me and my ex used to live with a roommate at that time. And I remember in that morning, my, [00:20:00] our roommate, our third roommate, she was at her boyfriend's house. Mm-hmm. So I, but I completely forgot. And when. He dragged me outta bed and I saw how violent he was about to get with me. He had pinned me down to the ground. I started to yell. I started to, well, I tried to start to yell her name out. And then a, like a voice was like, no one's here. In my head, oh, and I felt so abandoned, Diana. Oh, I felt so alone. I was like, oh my goodness, I'm alone. No one's going to know what happened to me if this man does something to me today. And so, the rest of that day was. Horrifying. He got, he was violent, but then also he was violent towards himself. He tried to he tried to hold me hostage by basically selling. Me that he was gonna kill himself. He took a, a knife and mm-hmm. And we were in the kitchen for over an hour [00:21:00] and I was trying to try and deescalate the situation. I must have called his, well his family's not, wasn't in Massachusetts at the time. So they were far. So I, I must have called his sister, his cousin, like everybody trying to get them on the phone too, just. Reason with him. 'cause he wouldn't reason with me at that point in time. And he was also scared. He was scared that he knew, like he had, abused me before and that I was kind of at that breaking point, he's like, I think you're gonna turn me in because it got so bad. And I. At the end of the day, his brother who lived at State over got there. He probably drove down like an hour, which is unheard of. Mm-hmm. And. He deescalated the situation he got, he got him out of the house. He moved everything out that day. So I left to my sister's house so that he can get everything out. And I ultimately went to the police station. I got a restraining order that [00:22:00] day, but that wasn't the end, a for me, I couldn't. I don't know. My definition of love was messed up back then, so I thought that I was still in love with him. So it wasn't even like four days or five days later that I went back to the courthouse and I dropped a restraining order so that I could be with him again, because I thought that, it was a mistake and he was, and I was guilt, I was feeling so guilty because of my my unfaithfulness. So I was like, I felt like I hurt him. I didn't even, I disregarded all the, everything that he did to me. And I just was like, well, I hurt him. I have to go back and help him and want to tend to his feelings. 'cause, he felt betrayed and not loved by me at the time. So. It just blows my mind. It just yeah. That you would go back to fix his problems. Which I think, and I'm sure you agree with me, this just makes it worse. [00:23:00] You going back after all of that. Because you felt guilty, which was misplaced guilt. Okay. That's, it's great that you acknowledged that you made a mistake, but, that doesn't cancel out his abusive behavior. Absolutely. And I thought it did. That's it. I love the word that you used, canceled. For me, that's what I thought it was like, all right, well I did this. So he did that. And, and of course, like I said, going back to what I said earlier, I believed all the things that he told me about me. Mm-hmm. I believed that I, that's what I deserved. And so I didn't see it as, I didn't view it as an issue or a problem. Now, when did you finally come to your senses and say, I've had enough. I'm at rock bottom. I've got to get out of this relationship. I mean, for good. Yeah. It didn't come by my own, choice. And I say that because a lot of people think that, you always just get to walk out of a [00:24:00] abusive a relationship or you just choose to go, and that's not the case. I went back to him and ultimately we had a lot of issues up until the last time that I saw him. And I was still being unfaithful. I was still seeking attention from other men. And so again, at this point, he's not trusting of me. He's still looking through my phone. He's following me at this point to everywhere that I go. And, on the last. Occasion, we went to a party and we went back to his house after the party and we were both drunk. And he went through my phone and he saw a text message from the other guy. And basically that's when he, that's the night that he tried to kill me. He, it was the most violent he had been with me, throwing me around the room, really just using me. As a punching bag. Mm-hmm. And, up until the point where he tried to strangle me and I don't really know how I got out of the str out of his choke [00:25:00] hold. But I did. And then ultimately I ran outside after that and the neighbors were there and the neighbors, they didn't even want to get involved. We lived in an apartment building in a three story apartment building, and I didn't knock on anybody's door because I was afraid. I just didn't know what to do. He took my phone, well he threw my phone out the window. It was just a bad situation, you know? And I was just trying to run out of the building. And when I was trying to run out of the building, there was neighbors coming inside the building. Mm-hmm. And they saw both of us. They saw that his shirt was ripped, they saw me, I had blood, I had, I was probably looking all crazy. Wow. And they. Like, well, we don't really wanna get involved in this. This seems like a, I don't know, I don't even know the words that they use. But instead of calling the police they asked him, they got involved. They said, oh, can you just give her phone back? That's basically what they told him. And I'm like, no, I need you guys to call 9 1 1 because he tried to kill me. He's not going to call [00:26:00] 9 1 1. And so ultimately after some push and pull, whatever. They gave me their phone. I called nine one one. And the ambulance showed up. The police showed up and they detained him. And so back to the question that you asked, when did I choose to leave? Or when did I have enough after this incident? The fact that the Lord delivered me from death because mm-hmm. I don't know how I got out of his choke. He was much stronger than me. He went, we went to through the court, he went to jail. We did all of that. I didn't really have a choice. The relationship had to be over at that point. Mm-hmm. It didn't feel like that for me. Even for months after that. It didn't feel like I, I wanted to leave. And that's the crazy part. That's the part that I was so deep into his manipulation, into his tricks, that even at that point, I felt like I still owed him something. It wasn't until maybe about six [00:27:00] months later that I gave, when I truly gave my life to Christ that I knew. That everything that I had felt about guilt and everything that he had done to me, that it was all wrong. It was so wrong. And I, that's when I knew, but it, it didn't happen immediately. Even I was at the point of death and in the hospital waking up all that. It wasn't the point where I said I had enough. I didn't have a choice at that point to be with him because of the situation, but I would say when I found Jesus was when I really knew that. I deserve so much more. It sounds like you had a lot of codependency going on there. Mm-hmm. And that is a real stronghold. That's almost like brainwashing from a cult. Mm-hmm. If somebody trying to kill you and you're in the hospital and you don't think that, well, I need to get out of this relationship. And everybody would talk to me and everybody would ask me like, what do you wanna [00:28:00] do? I had to sit through court proceedings where he was present and. I was going, I've always been a person who has like, pretty strong morale, even though I didn't mm-hmm. Like I said, like I grew up knowing right from wrong. Mm-hmm. And I knew at the time that the right thing to do was to continue going to court, cooperate so that he would be sentenced and everything go through the trial so that he wouldn't do this to other women. Mm-hmm. I knew that was the right thing to do. I didn't wanna do it though. I didn't wanna be a part of that. I didn't wanna be a part of something that could con particularly like, follow him around for the rest of his life. It was really sick in the beginning. But ultimately I did the right thing, and I look back and I know that it was the correct thing. Because you just have to do it because you just never know if somebody like that is gonna change. You can pray. But you don't know and you [00:29:00] don't want anyone else to fall into that trap. Just looking back at your story, it looks like the Lord intervened in your life. Maybe that was an angel that he sent to get you outta that choke hold. Maybe it was him that put your abuser in jail so you could get out. Did you have anybody else that was on your side or anybody else who helped you? Absolutely. When my family, became aware of what happened because I called them that night and, everybody showed up at the hospital. My mom was there, my aunt, my sister, they all came to the hospital. They just didn't know. They didn't, my sister had guessed a couple things 'cause she had seen him follow me. She had noticed him in the last month or two before that. So she had known something was up, but she didn't know that it was this bad. And, so she was right there. They all of them were right there, but had they known, they, I think they would've been there, before and they would've tried to get me out before. But like I [00:30:00] said, because of my own doing and my own wishes of wanting to be there, I just stayed. I. Without telling them. But my family was, they were really supportive after and during the court and the trials and everything, they were very supportive. And there was one person in particular who was probably key in getting me to go back to the church. Mm-hmm. And, yeah, I consider him an older brother and he, I grew up with around him and he had a church. He has a church in Massachusetts. Well. He goes to a church in Massachusetts and he always invited me. And so, that really was what helped me turn my life around at that point. So tell us how you, found the Lord Jesus as your savior For real now? Yeah. Yeah, for real. And I always tell people, I'm like, I think I got saved in thousand 15, but, and I used to say that before, but now I know that, he really saved me in 2019, not only because of what he delivered me from, but because I knew, I felt it. I [00:31:00] felt his love. I felt. Everything I felt redeemed. So I would say like June of 2019, I, which was only about six months after the incident and I. Was after, after the incident, I was going to church still. I was, like I said, I, there was not really a period of time that I wasn't going to church. I was always going to church, but it was always a through the motions kind of deal, and I never really prayed and I never really, I didn't even read the word I, the only word that I got was on Sundays. And mm-hmm. Then ultimately on, in June of 2019, I said. Something's gotta change because I knew mm-hmm. That everything that I had experienced up until that point and all of my feelings of like still wanting to be with my ex even after everything were, so, they were, they came from a place, an evil place, right? Because I just knew that the Lord wouldn't send me back to that type of relationship. So I. [00:32:00] I started being intentional. I started just like saying, okay, God. I would sit with him in the morning and just say, God, I need you to show me why I'm here. And I kept on asking that question, why I am here and why I'm here. And he didn't answer that question. He answered a DA different question that I didn't even know that I had in my heart. He answered like the questions about. My feeling, my not feeling abandoned. Sorry, how do I say this? He answered my questions about me. Being loved by him. Mm-hmm. And I didn't know I had those questions because I was just like, well, I just, I'm a fixer by nature, so I just wanted to fix all the, I was like, I need my pur, I need my purpose and I need to walk into it. That's it. Yeah. That's what I wanted to do. And I was like, I need to learn how to do this. But by spending time with him daily. And really just getting into his word and learning his character, I learned his love. I learned that he loved me beyond every single thing that I had done. And I was able to walk out of the shame and [00:33:00] fear and guilt that I had wa I had walked in for so long because I, at that point I felt like I had made too many. Bad decisions, too many, just things that I was ashamed of. But when I was spending that time with him, he was like, I don't care about all that. He's like, I love you the way you are. I made you and I'm going to love you no matter what. And slowly but surely, he started to reveal his character to me. He started to reveal my purpose on this earth. And that's when I say that, I really got saved, but there was no like, aha moment. There was no, none of that. It was just like I, I had to start being intentional about it. I had to, if I wanted to see a change, I knew that something different, I had to do something different. Yeah. The Lord's been pursuing you your whole life. He was just waiting for you to Absolutely. Turn around and see him. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Absolutely. So I say that healing is always a journey. There is no I've arrived [00:34:00] or I'm healed a hundred percent. It's a journey throughout our life. How did you start the healing process and what steps did you take besides church? I mean, I really changed my decisions. In my social life I reduced the amount that I was drinking. I used to drink a lot of alcohol that mm-hmm. I remember there was times that I drank alcohol to the point of blackout. So I reduced the amount of drinking I was doing. I reduced I increased the amount of times that I was in church a week. I was in church twice or three times a week rather than just on Sundays. And then. I told my family, I'm making a decision to make church a priority in my life. God, the priority, not just not the church, God, a priority in my life. So ev everything that did not serve that purpose, I tried to just remove out of it. I was in a job that I was unhappy, so I left it. I pursued a job that was. Quiet it, it just allowed me to take a step back from management. It wasn't in the limelight. I [00:35:00] didn't have a lot of pressure, so I could spend a lot of time with God. And then most important, next to God, I took, I started therapy. I did therapy. Mm-hmm. And I did a trauma specific therapy. I did EMDR and I. But that's the second thing next to Jesus that changed my life. So explain what is EMDR for those that don't know what that is? Yeah, I haven't had to explain this in a while, but I'll try my best. It's called, lemme see if I can get this right. It's called eye movement. Desensitizing reprocessing, I think it is. Yes. And it's a yes. I tried. And it's a type of therapy that specifics on specifies on like if you have had childhood trauma or any kind of trauma really, and you use physical movements like tapping or eye movements to walk you through the memories and reprocess those memories and desensitize them. The emotions that are attached to it. So I [00:36:00] did that with the entire experience that I went through with my ex up until the point where he tried to kill me. And a lot of stuff was brought up during that during that year that I did therapy. It was very intense. It was hard work. It is hard, but I believed the Lord. For bringing me to that therapist because it was a very godsend, like it was a referral. And I knew that if I saw it through that on the other side, I was gonna come out the person that the Lord wanted me to come out. And that's exactly what happened. So I tell the listeners that are, there are many different tools for healing. Not everybody chooses the same tool. It's whatever's. Helpful for them and their situation. So you thought that therapist and that technique was really helpful for you, it sounds like. Yeah, because something that I noticed like I said, a lot of. Yes. I wasn't an abusive relationship, but there was some decision making in [00:37:00] my past choices that obviously weren't rooted out of that abusive relationship that came out of a different place. And I had done talk that I, I mentioned I was depressed in 2014 and when, mm-hmm. When I left college, I had. Done talk therapy. I had done all of that and it didn't work. CBT kind of stuff. And so I was like, I need something that's gonna be specific. Look at me just being a fixer and a planner, right? I was like, I need something that's gonna be specific and it's going to target this trauma that I just went through and help me come out a better person. And EMDR is truly if you are, that, if you're looking for results, that's what. You'll get if you apply yourself. I like what you said about there were issues that you had that were not related to the abuse. A lot of people, they wanna ignore those things and blame. Mm-hmm. Everything on the abuse. Well, we are complex creatures, aren't we? Absolutely. Oh. It's not always black and white, cut and dry. There are, aspects [00:38:00] of our personalities, our upbringing that are separate from the abuse that also need to be. Dealt with and healed. Yeah, too. So I'm glad you mentioned that 'cause that is important. But you're admitting that yes, you found the Lord and you're on your journey of healing, but it wasn't all unicorns and rainbows. There were some struggles and that we are going to struggle. Absolutely. Or we just keep going forward, right? Absolutely. It was not a, walk in the park after I made that decision. And especially for me, who was somebody who was battling, I was battling, just sexual temptation, lust desiring to just be in the world, drink alcohol, those things, those were not easy decisions to make. But. I had the strength of the Lord because I was with him and he was with me. Amen. And so I did it. Yeah. But it was not easy because there was, and especially I'm still young. I'm, I was what, 25 when I started making that, those choices. Mm-hmm. To turn to the Lord and. It's [00:39:00] just, it goes against everything that a natural 25-year-old wants. Yes. And you're being honest here, and I'm sure the listeners appreciate that you're being real with us. Yeah, absolutely. You're not pretending that, everything is hunky dory and you're perfect. No, absolutely not. So what is your relationship with God like right now? I think it's awesome. He's my best friend. I talk to him daily. I go to church. I'm involved in my church. I'm a spiritual coach. I have the good news podcast. I don't know. I don't find anything more gratifying than using every aspect of my life to glorify God and to glorify his holy name. And that's what I do every single day. I try at least. Amen. You're definitely different. The new rose looks different than the old rose. Oh my gosh, yes. And I laugh because this is something that. I am still experiencing with people that know me, that have known [00:40:00] me for many years. They're like, you're different now. Mm-hmm. And I get this so often now within my family, friends, they're like, oh, the old Rose wouldn't do this. Or the old, or the old rose was you. I get this a lot was fun. And I'm like, your definition of fun and my definition of fun now is completely different because I no longer want the things that the world has to offer. Yep. The things I used to do, I don't do them anymore. There's a song I put away My child. Just things. Yes. We have a lot of listeners who are listening to your powerful story today, and they're in an abusive situation right now. What advice would you give them right now? Oh, this is hard. I think I, I have so many. We still got 10 more minutes left on. Okay. So I got it. Well, if you don't know, God, that's my first piece of advice is to get to know him. I don't think that I could have gotten out [00:41:00] of my situation without him. I know that. I know that, like I said, my hand was forced because I. Was at the hospital and he was in jail. And it was no other choice, but I think that was God. God really delivered me from death and deliver, delivered me from that situation to get me to the place that I am now. So if you don't know God, it's so important that you have a relationship with him because he's gonna guide you the best. And secondly, trust somebody. Trust any someone in your life and talk to them about it. I didn't. And it made me feel so alone. It made me feel abandoned. Mm-hmm. And I know now that I have a. Army of people who love me and will, go to war for me. And I didn't think that, you think that oftentimes because of the choices that you make and ultimately for me, like, I thought all of my decisions was what warranted that abuse. So we get to a place where we don't wanna reach out for help because we're like, people are gonna look at me and say well, you [00:42:00] did that to yourself, but that's not. I learned that wasn't true. That the people that are there for you, that love you will help you out of it. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I tell my listeners all the time, I'm available to help people. I'll help. I'll help you any way I can, and I'm sure that you would say the same thing. Absolutely. Yeah. You would help anybody that reached out to you for help. Yes. I'm always happy to be an a listening ear. I literally, like I said, I'm a spiritual coach, so my phone is on twenty four seven. I answer calls, texts, voice notes, whatever. Yes. Awesome. Rose has her good news podcast. Yes. So you can hear her putting me in the hot seat for a change. And so you can listen to that on her show. How can the listeners connect with you? Absolutely. I am on, well, the Good News podcast, you could go to ww dot the good news podcast.org. You could find it on [00:43:00] iTunes and Spotify, but I'm also on Facebook, Instagram, and I'll have all that stuff in the show notes for everybody. Mm-hmm. Was there anything we left out that you wanted to tell the good folks listening? No, other than just thank you for having me. This has been awesome, and I just hope my prayer is that this, episode blesses somebody and gives them the strength and the courage to, to do what I, to do what I didn't get to do, leave. So, amen. Mm-hmm. Amen. Yes. This has been great. I've enjoyed listening to you tell your story again, and how the Lord's brought you to where you're at now. Thank you. God bless you. God bless you too. And all your listeners, wow, wasn't she great folks? It's an amazing story. So you be sure to reach out to Rosalie and listen to her podcast. I hope this encouraged you. It [00:44:00] sure encouraged me. So thank you so much everybody for tuning in today. We're going to see you next week. God bless you everybody. Thank you for listening to the Wounds of the Faithful Podcast. If this episode has been helpful to you, please hit the subscribe button and tell a friend. You could connect with us at DSW Ministries dot org where you'll find our blog, along with our Facebook, Twitter, and our YouTube channel links. Hope to see you next week.

What are you focusing on? Is it a demon of scarcity, low self-image, fear, worry, doubt, passivity... Are you more focused on your fear than on the abundant God who wants to bless you? Rabbi Schneider shares that we have an enemy in this world. Demons manifest and disguise themselves through the realm of thought. Followers of Jesus have been blessed with the authority over the enemy, fear, darkness, illness, and demons. Demons respond to authority and power of Jesus. They leave when we command them to leave and take authority over them. Greater is He that is in us than he that is in the world. Learn today about the significance of Jesus ministry at the Capernaum Synagogue and how He gives us authority over darkness. **** BECOME A MONTHLY PARTNER - https://djj.show/YTAPartner  **** DONATE - https://djj.show/YTADonate  **** TEACHING NOTES - https://djj.show/2xq 

What are you planting this summer? In this episode of Live the Bible, we're looking at the principle that we reap what we sow. Nature proves this is true. Just ask any gardener! What you plant is what you get, every time. But what does this basic gardening principle have to do with connecting the Bible to your life?Galatians has the answer—and it's a good one! Listen now and let's get planting.Support the show

Oenophile and wine entrepreneur Eli Freedman talks about the culture and business of wine in the Holy Land. Facebook Twitter LinkedIn Reddit Messenger Email The post “The Mountains Shall Drop Sweet Wine” appeared first on ColemanNation.

Today Stephen Heiner joins the Flagship Show as a guest to discuss the ongoing conflict in the Holy Land. Stephen's perspective on this issue is multifaceted, emphasizing the complexity of the conflict and the necessity for comprehensive understanding before forming opinions. In this show he gives listeners a background shaped by his study of ethnic cleansing and the specific history of this region. It becomes clear that there is a role of Palestinians' choices in the conflict, but they do not merit the current hardships they endure. To close Stephen encourages education on the topic, recommending several books that offer diverse perspectives on the conflict. Original Air Date: February 16, 2024 Show Run Time: 37 minutes Show Host: Alexander Krawczyk Show Guest: Stephen Heiner Show Sponsor: Palestine Bookshelf https://youtube.com/@palestinebookshelf https:/palestinebookshelf.substack.com/ Episode: https://truerestoration.org/the-flagship-show-episode-75-israel-and-palestine/ Course: https://truerestoration.org/courses/the-flagship-show/ To gain unlimited access to all Restoration Radio shows, you can become an Annual member by clicking the link below. https://truerestoration.org/member-signup

MULES MAKING HISTORY - WITH WORLD RENOWNED MULE TRAINER - TV PERSONALITY - MEREDITH HODGES - LUCKY THREE RANCHMules and donkeys are mentioned in the Bible.The highest intelligence residing in animals is that of the mule.Learn how mules played a significant part in Greek and Roman transportation.HAI-BAR, a volunteer organization established to protect animals that had thrived in the Holy Land during the Old Testament years - but are now dangerously close to extinction.Unique personality traits of the mule come from the ass.George Washington - the first organized mule breeder in America.Hear how the Erie Canal was built with mules.Hear about the borax mule team from Death Valley hauling over the mountains to the Mojave Desert and more!Mule Talk is an Every Cowgirl's Dream production - www.EveryCowgirlsDream.ComMule Talk is an Every Cowgirl's Dream production - www.EveryCowgirlsDream.Com www.MuleTalk.Net Meredith Hodges Interviews: www.LuckyThreeRanch.Com/Podcast-Appearances/

Send us a textThis is a special "Christmas Edition" of the Hymns That I Love series.  This episode features the hymn O Little Town Of Bethlehem.  Written and published in the 1860s, there is a rich history to this song...a history that begins with a visit to the Holy Land for a Christmas Eve service.  Pastor Phillips Brooks and his organist, Lewis Redner, collaborated to combine lyrics and melody.  The song was originally used as a children's choir piece for a Christmas Eve service.  Little did Brooks and Redner know, hundreds of years later the song would still be sung and popular with modern audiences.     Listen to Derek's Christmas album "GLORIA!" on Spotify (includes O Little Town Of Bethlehem)Derek's Hymns Playlist On YouTube

Send us a textA concrete-walled hospital, two open wards, and a handful of nurses training students to shoulder the work—our story begins there, in late-1970s Gaza, where medicine, faith, and friendship intersected with daily need. Carlotta shares how a verse in Luke moved her from homebody to journeyman nurse, and how routine dawn rounds gave way to something bigger: home health across packed refugee camps, conversations over wound care, and a classroom that doubled as a laboratory for courage.We pull back the curtain on a Christmas Eve few imagine. As part of Israel's lone Christian choir, Carlotta sang carols in Bethlehem at 11:30 pm, under searchlights and the watch of soldiers on rooftops. The square buzzed, the wind cut hard, and yet the message held steady: hope can speak over noise. That season stretched further with a Perry Como recording near Jerusalem's walls, a surreal bridge between Western audiences and the stone and stories of the Holy Land.The heartbeat of the episode lands in the quiet weeks that followed: a small Bible study that grew, two Greek Orthodox students discipled deeply, and then a surprise—22 Muslim students professed faith over several months. One young woman described a dream of blood like rain, recognized as Christ's forgiveness, sealing a change that shaped her life. We reflect on safety, politics, and the complex mix of admiration and suspicion toward America at the time, while holding fast to the ordinary aims we all share: to work, to care for family, to find meaning that lasts.Our path to long-term overseas service closed with a glaucoma diagnosis at 23, but that detour opened decades of short-term missions, community work, crisis pregnancy centers, and church planting at home. If this story resonates, subscribe, share it with a friend, and leave a review—then tell us which moment stayed with you after the credits rolled.Support the showhttps://www.jacksonfamilyministry.comhttps://bobslone.com/home/podcast-production/

The root of fear is doubt. How does God teach us to overcome doubt that leads to fear? Rabbi Schneider shares that Jesus teaches us to seize the Word of God to build our faith, overcome doubt, and build our confidence. In today's episode of Discovering the Jewish Jesus, visit the Sea of Galilee and learn the significance of that place in Jesus' ministry. Holy Land and holy places to help build your faith. **** BECOME A MONTHLY PARTNER - https://djj.show/YTAPartner  **** DONATE - https://djj.show/YTADonate  **** TEACHING NOTES - https://djj.show/9cm 

Check out this Encore from December 12, 2022 Bible Study: (1:58) ZEC 2:14-17 How did this prophecy come to be? Rv 11:19a; 12:1-6a, 10ab Father explains who the woman clothed with the Son is LK 1:26-38 Father explains a little-known tradition about Mary (24:43) Father gives a history of Our Lady of Guadalupe Word of the Day: To 'over-do-it' with joy (35:33) Caller: (37:48) - Question about Mary as the New Covenant (41:16) - Is the only reason Jesus went to the Holy Land was because he needed to clean house? (43:31) - How can I manage frequenting businesses that support things that are not Catholic? (45:30) - I get emotional when I'm filled with Grace. How can I get religious without getting emotional about it? (47:57) - I think God alone is immortal. How come we are taught that we are immortal?

Sami Awad lives in Bethlehem, and has been dedicated to nonviolent action since his teen years, inspired by his uncle, Mubarak Awad. In a conflict focused on Jews and Muslims, Christian Palestinians are sometimes erased from the picture by many outsiders, although they have been an integral part of the Holy Land for many centuries.

From Holland to the Holy Land of PrasanthiThis is the story of how Swami drew Mr Ravinder Puri from Holland to His lotus feet in the early 1980s. More than Bhagawan's omniscience or omnipotence, it was His irresistible love that pulled Mr Puri back to Puttaparthi year after year. And with every visit, his longing to be close to Him and to serve Him with all his heart only grew deeper.In the 1990s, Bhagawan blessed him with the opportunity to take part in the construction of the North Indian Canteen in Prasanthi Nilayam, along with other sacred projects.Each chance to serve became a rung in his spiritual ladder. Every opportunity Swami gave him came with its own tests and challenges - moments meant to deepen his yearning, purify his devotion, and strengthen his bond with the Lord.There was a tender moment when Swami lovingly told him, “You can never know how much I love you.” This gradual, sweet discovery of Swami's boundless love is the essence of Mr Puri's beautiful journey.

In this travel-happy episode of Pastors' Wives Tell All, we sit down with our globe-trotting friend Amy to talk about all things travel — including her epic trips to Israel, which are basically the spiritual Olympics of tourism. We kick things off with rapid-fire questions that reveal way too much about all of us (as usual), then dive into stories about eating local foods, navigating intense-but-amazing Holy Land tours, and trying not to cry at biblical sites… but failing spectacularly.We also chat about safety (because, you know… travel), swap stories about leading tour groups without losing people, and dream about future adventures — including a Northern England and Scotland tour that we are absolutely inviting ourselves on. By the end, the only thing clearer than Amy's love for travel is the fact that we desperately want to travel together… even though it may be a mild disaster.Get all the info about our next pastors' wives retreat and apply here:https://www.pastorswivestellall.com/attendaretreatTo purchase the BOOK, head here: ⁠https://pastorswivestellall.com/book⁠⁠To shop our MERCH, head here: ⁠https://pastorswivestellall.com/shop⁠⁠Want to support the Pastors' Wives Tell All podcast ministry? Become a patron: ⁠https://www.patreon.com/pastorswivestellall ⁠⁠SUBSCRIBE: ⁠Sign up⁠ for our email list and receive updates on new episodes, free gifts, and all the fun! Email sign up ⁠⁠HERE⁠⁠!CONTACT US: ⁠hello@pastorswivestellall.com⁠⁠FOLLOW US:Website: ⁠⁠pastorswivestellall.com⁠⁠Instagram: ⁠⁠@pastorswivestellall⁠⁠Facebook: ⁠⁠@pastorswivestellall⁠⁠JESSICA:Instagram: ⁠⁠@jessica_taylor_83⁠⁠, ⁠⁠@come_away_missions⁠⁠, ⁠⁠@do_good_project__⁠⁠⁠Facebook: ⁠⁠Come Away Missions⁠⁠, ⁠⁠Do Good Project⁠⁠Websites: ⁠⁠Do Good Project⁠⁠, ⁠⁠Come Away Missions⁠⁠JENNA:Instagram: ⁠⁠@jennaallen⁠⁠, ⁠⁠@jennaallendesign⁠⁠Facebook: ⁠⁠@JennaAllenDesign⁠⁠Website: ⁠⁠Jenna Allen Design⁠⁠STEPHANIE:Instagram: ⁠⁠@msstephaniegilbert⁠⁠Facebook: ⁠⁠I Literally LOL⁠⁠Website: ⁠⁠Stephanie Gilbert⁠

What lessons do we learn from the stories of Bethsaida and Jerusalem? How do lessons from the Holy Land matter to us today? Rabbi Schneider shares how the cities in the Holy Land rejected Jesus, how that affected those cities, and how that concept is an important example of what happens when we reject Jesus. Learn to choose life, obedience, and relationship with God. **** BECOME A MONTHLY PARTNER - https://djj.show/YTAPartner  **** DONATE - https://djj.show/YTADonate  **** TEACHING NOTES - https://djj.show/8zf 

Why are the Western Wall, the Garden Tomb, and the Garden of Gethsemane so important to Jews and Christians? Rabbi Schneider shares why people of the Jewish and Christian faith still revere the holy places, pray at the Western Wall, and look for Jesus to return. Learn how Jesus did not operate in His feelings. He operated in truth. Learn how to distinguish feelings from truth and obedience. Continue to choose truth and obedience even when you don't feel like it and you will be blessed. To get strong, you have to pray. **** BECOME A MONTHLY PARTNER - https://djj.show/YTAPartner  **** DONATE - https://djj.show/YTADonate  **** TEACHING NOTES - https://djj.show/02948c 

Friends of the Rosary,Today, November 10, the Church of Christ celebrates the feast of Our Lady of Loreto, a title that refers to the Holy House of Loreto.This is the house, in the Holy Land, in which Mary was born, and where the Annunciation took place.Tradition says that angels miraculously transported it first to Tersato, Dalmatia, in 1291, then to Recanati, Italy, in 1294, and finally to Loreto, in Italy, a small town located three hours from Rome, where it has been for over six centuries.Today, the 14th-century Shrine of Loreto is one of the most famous Marian shrines in Europe and a pilgrimage center. Many miracles are attributed to this sanctuary of the Holy House.Popes have always held the in special esteem, and it is under their direct authority and protection.Ave MariaCome, Holy Spirit, come!To Jesus through Mary!Here I am, Lord; I come to do your will.Please give us the grace to respond with joy!+ Mikel Amigot w/ María Blanca | RosaryNetwork.com, New YorkEnhance your faith with the new Holy Rosary University app:Apple iOS | New! Android Google Play• ⁠December 10, 2025, Today's Rosary on YouTube | Daily broadcast at 7:30 pm ET

120925 Kate and Scott Palmer from Watcher Palmer On His Recent Tour To Holy Land Bethlehem by Kate Dalley

Why is there so much hatred in the world? Why is anti-Semitism so virulent? Learn today about the coming Final Battle as Rabbi Schneider shares from the Scriptures about preparing for Jesus' return and how God is deeply connected to Israel. You'll also learn the signs and to recognize false teaching. Don't make the mistake of thinking everything supernatural is from God. Deception on the earth is increasing. We must be aware of demons masquerading as light to seduce us away from God's voice. Stand with Israel because God does love Israel. **** BECOME A MONTHLY PARTNER - https://djj.show/YTAPartner  **** DONATE - https://djj.show/YTADonate  **** TEACHING NOTES - https://djj.show/4fj 

When was the last time life hit you like a ton of bricks? In today's episode of Live the Bible, we're getting honest about just how hard and fast life can hit us. Divorce, job loss, illness, death, disaster—everything can change in a moment.When it does, it's easy to wonder if God's really the good and merciful Lord He says He is. Have you been there? I sure have.This message has hope for you when you're hurting.Support the show

Two Women Inspiring Real Life with Stephanie Coxon and Kathy Anderson-Martin – After a 9-day trip through the Holy Land and even a sketchy side trip into the infamous West Bank, Stephanie shares her experiences. She talks about the beauty, mystery, and spiritual connection of walking where Jesus walked. She talks about the mix of cultures and personal interactions with Jews, Muslims, and Christians living...

What is the significance of the Mount of Olives, the Temple Mount, and Israel? What are the signs of Jesus' return? Rabbi Schneider shares how connected God is to Israel, how the signs of Jesus' return are already happening, and how Jesus confirmed the signs of the end of the age. Learn what our response should be and what it means to us today as the rabbi unpacks biblical prophecy spoken by Jesus himself. **** BECOME A MONTHLY PARTNER - https://djj.show/YTAPartner  **** DONATE - https://djj.show/YTADonate  **** TEACHING NOTES - https://djj.show/2z9 

Mrs. P does a deep dive on the Macy's Parade, and the whaler, and two crockery magnets responsible. We being with a story of philanthropy, feeding the unhoused, the needy, fighting tuberculosis and ends darker with our subjects supporting the confederacy, funding the creation of the state of Israel and a trip on the Titanic.  See Alex in Philly 12/20 and 12/21 - https://philadelphia.heliumcomedy.com/events/125409 Subscribe for Mrs. Pearlmania Ghost Hunts - https://www.youtube.com/@Mrs.Pearlmania If you're 21 or older, get 25% OFF your first order + free shipping @ IndaCloud with code TABS at https://inda.shop/TABS #indacloudpod Exclusive $35-off Carver Mat Frames at https://on.auraframes.com/TOOMANY Promo Code TOOMANY Protect your personal data with a subscription to DELETEME today and save 20% here: https://joindeleteme.com/PEARLMANIA20 Eat smart @ http://factormeals.com/toomany50off & use code toomany50off to get 50% off your first box, plus Free Breakfast for 1 year. JOIN OUR COMMUNITY -

Our beloved holy Father Nicholas is, along with St George (and second to the All-holy Theotokos), probably the best-loved Saint of the Church. His numberless miracles through the ages, on behalf of the countless Christians who have called on him, cannot be told.   He was born in Lycia (in Asia Minor) around the end of the third century, to pious Christian parents. His love of virtue, and his zeal for observing the canons of the Church, were evident from his infancy, when he would abstain from his mother's breast every Wednesday and Friday until the evening. From early youth he was inclined to solitude and silence; in fact, not a single written or spoken word of the Saint has come down to us. Though ordained a priest by his uncle, Archbishop Nicholas, he attempted to withdraw to a hermit's life in the Holy Land; but he was told by revelation that he was to return home to serve the Church publicly and be the salvation of many souls.   When his parents died, he gave away all of his inheritance to the needy, and thereafter almsgiving was his greatest glory. He always took particular care that his charity be done in secret. Perhaps the most famous story of his open-handedness concerns a debt-ridden man who had no money to provide dowries for his daughters, or even to support them, and in despair had resolved to give them into prostitution. On three successive nights the Saint threw a bag of gold into the window of the man's house, saving him and his daughters from sin and hopelessness. The man searched relentlessly to find and thank his benefactor; when at last he discovered that it was Nicholas, the Saint made him promise not to reveal the good deed until after he had died. (This story may be the thin thread that connects the Saint with the modern-day Santa Claus).   God honored his faithfulness by granting him unparalleled gifts of healing and wonderworking. Several times he calmed storms by his prayers and saved the ship that he was sailing in. Through the centuries he has often done the same for sailors who call out to him, and is considered the patron of sailors and all who go to sea.   He was elected Bishop of Myra not long before the great persecutions under Diocletian and Maximian (c. 305), and was put in prison, from which he continued to encourage his flock in the Faith. When the Arian heresy wracked the Church not long after Constantine came to the throne, St Nicholas was one of the 318 Bishops who gathered in Nicea in 325. There he was so incensed at the blasphemies of Arius that he struck him on the face. This put the other bishops in a quandary, since the canons require that any hierarch who strikes anyone must be deposed. Sadly, they prepared to depose the holy Nicholas; but in the night the Lord Jesus and the most Holy Theotokos appeared to them, telling them that the Saint had acted solely out of love for Truth, not from hatred or passion, and that they should not act against him.   While still in the flesh, he sometimes miraculously appeared in distant places to save the lives of the faithful. He once saved the city of Myra from famine by appearing to the captain of a ship full of grain, telling him to take his cargo to the city. He appeared in a dream to Constantine to intercede for the lives of three Roman officers who had been falsely condemned; the three grateful soldiers later became monks.   The holy bishop reposed in peace around 345. His holy relics were placed in a church built in his honor in Myra, where they were venerated by throngs of pilgrims every year. In 1087, after Myra was conquered by the Saracens, the Saint's relics were translated to Bari in southern Italy, where they are venerated today. Every year, quantities of fragrant myrrh are gathered from the casket containing his holy relics.

Henry V stands at the peak of his power. He's not just England's king—he's heir and regent of France. But for Henry, two crowns aren't enough. His eyes are fixed on the ultimate prize: the Holy Land. A crusade promises glory, conquest, and divine favor. To Henry, it's more than ambition—it's obedience to the only master he truly serves: God. Yet destiny has its own designs, and the Almighty may not share Henry's plan… To hear about how the French fared under Henry's rule, listen back to our last miniseries, The Glass King.  Remember, you can always delve deeper into the history behind each episode by becoming a This Is History Royal Favourite on Patreon. In addition to ad-free listening and bonus episodes — now available to watch on video — you get to chat with mediaeval buffs from around the world, chat with Dan and the team, and get exclusive access to behind the scenes extras just for favourites.  Don't miss out. Sign up at patreon.com/thisishistory  –  A Sony Music Entertainment production.  Find more great podcasts from Sony Music Entertainment at sonymusic.com/podcasts  To bring your brand to life in this podcast, email podcastadsales@sonymusic.com  Learn more about your ad choices.  Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices  Written and presented by Dan Jones Producer - Alan Weedon  Senior Producer - Dominic Tyerman Executive Producer - Simon Poole Production Manager - Jen Mistri  Production coordinator - Eric Ryan  Sound Design and Mixing - Amber Devereux Head of content - Chris Skinner Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Wassim Razzouk's name is on the oldest tattoo shop in the world. Located in the heart of Jerusalem, Razzouk Tattoo has been tattooing Christians and pilgrims for over 700 years—including Brian. In this fascinating conversation, Wassim and Brian talk about the history of Christian tattoos, what it's like to carry a family legacy for 27-generations, and the challenges of being a Palestinian Christian living in the Holy Land.  Watch the full episode on YouTube here