Positive Adoption

Natalie Vecchione is an FASD parent advocate, homeschooler, podcaster, but MOST importantly... a wife and mom! She shares what we need to know about FASD on this episode in a heartwarming and cheerful fashion. Grab a cup of coffee and join these lovely ladies and be sure to check out Natalie's podcast for more information.

Natalie Vecchione is an FASD parent advocate, homeschooler, podcaster, but MOST importantly... a wife and mom! Natalie and her husband, John, adopted both our son and daughter via domestic adoption. They began homeschooling  7 years ago, when they noticed how many accommodations their son needed (who was later diagnosed with an FASD). Their son finally received an FASD diagnosis when he was 15, when he was also hospitalized for Bipolar Disorder...and it was one of the darkest times of her life as a mom. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen in a conversation with Natalie!

Sandra Flach, of the Orphans No More Podcast, joins me again this week for the Positive Adoption Podcast series on the book Five Things: A Tiny Handbook for Foster/Adoptive Families. We’re sharing the last episode in our series – Five Things You Can Do To Help Adoptive/Foster Families. If you are an adoptive/foster parent you may be struggling alone at home with a child's meltdowns, but when you are in public, the child is an angel. This week’s topic – don’t be fooled by a child’s superficially, engaging behavior.

Sandra Flach, of the Orphans No More Podcast, joins me again this week for the Positive Adoption Podcast series on the book Five Things: A Tiny Handbook for Foster/Adoptive Families. We’re sharing the third episode in our series – Five Things You Can Do To Help Adoptive/Foster Families. If you are an adoptive/foster parent. This week’s topic - Don’t judge the parents by the child’s behavior. This is a great series to share with your friends, family, and church. It’s a more indirect way of sharing what's on your heart. Who knows? You may encourage someone just by sharing! Grab a cup of coffee and join Sandra and me for some tips and stories!

Sandra Flach, of the Orphans No More Podcast, joins me again this week for the Positive Adoption Podcast series on the book Five Things: A Tiny Handbook for Foster/Adoptive Families. We’re sharing the second episode in our series – Five Things You Can Do To Help Adoptive/Foster Families. If you are an adoptive/foster parent, this is a great series to share with your friends, family, and church. It's a more indirect way of asking for help. Who knows? You may help someone in need just by sharing! Grab a cup of coffee (and some tissues for this episode). Join Sandra and me for some tips and stories!

Sandra Flach, of the Orphans No More Podcast, joins me again this week for the Positive Adoption Podcast series on the book Five Things: A Tiny Handbook for Foster/Adoptive Families. We’re sharing the first episode in our series – Five Things You Can Do To Help Adoptive/Foster Families. If you are an adoptive/foster parent, this is a great series to share with your friends, family, and church. It's a more indirect way of asking for help. Who knows? You may help someone in need just by sharing! Grab a cup of coffee (and some tissues for this episode). Join Sandra and me for some tips and stories!

Sandra Flach, of the Orphans No More Podcast, joins me again this week for the Positive Adoption Podcast series on the book Five Things: A Tiny Handbook for Foster/Adoptive Families. We’re on the last episode in our series – Five Things Your Adopted/Foster Child Would Like To Tell You. It can seem as if our adopted/foster children repel our attempts at love and acceptance. We can fall into the trap of thinking our kiddos don't REALLY want to be loved. It's not true. It's our job as parents to learn a new dance of attachment. Is your acting like a porcupine and flexing his quills every time you try to love him? You're not alone! Grab a cup of coffee and join Sandra and I for some encouragement!

Sandra Flach, of the Orphans No More Podcast, joins me again this week for the Positive Adoption Podcast series on the book Five Things: A Tiny Handbook for Foster/Adoptive Families. We’re continuing our series – Five Things Your Adopted/Foster Child Would Like To Tell You. Codependency with our kiddos can keep us stuck in a chaotic cycle. Codependency can overwhelm us and make us feel as if we are drowning. If you feel as if you live there (I did), grab a cup of coffee and join us for some encouragement!

Sandra Flach, of the Orphans No More Podcast, joins me again this week for the Positive Adoption Podcast series on the book Five Things: A Tiny Handbook for Foster/Adoptive Families. We're continuing our series - Five Things Your Adopted/Foster Child Would Like To Tell You. Mom guilt is serious. It can overwhelm us and make us feel as if we have failed our kiddos. When we adopt/foster we can wear the guilt of what happened to our kiddos before they came to our home. The guilt is heavy and can sink us into a quagmire of codependency. If you feel as if you live there (I did), grab a cup of coffee and join us for some encouragement! Hop on over to thewholehouse.org and grab your free copy of Five Things.

Sandra Flach, of the Orphans No More Podcast, joins me again this week for the Positive Adoption Podcast series on the book Five Things: A Tiny Handbook for Foster/Adoptive Families. This week, we're doing an overview of "Five Things Your Adopted/Foster Child Would Like To Tell You," based on the second chapter of the book. Sandra and I share our successes, failures, and some insights we've gained along the way. Grab a cup of coffee and listen to the podcast. Don’t forget to get your copy of Five Things! You can grab your free copy here- https://dl.bookfunnel.com/7oxldztb8f

Sandra Flach, of the Orphans No More Podcast, joins me again this week for the Positive Adoption Podcast series on the book Five Things: A Tiny Handbook for Foster/Adoptive Families. In this episode, we discuss what poor behavior in your child may be trying to tell you. We can fall into the trap of thinking our kiddos are misbehaving just to make us mad. I know. I’ve lived in that trap. When we change our perspective and try to view behavior through another lens, things can change. Read on to find out how. Plus grab a cup of coffee and listen to the podcast. Don’t forget to get your copy of Five Things! You can grab your free copy here. *Trauma-Informed Parenting isn't live yet, but you can get your free gift on thewholehouse.org!

OUR CHILDREN MAY NOT BE EXCESSIVELY THANKFUL, IN FACT, QUITE THE OPPOSITE Sandra Flach, of the Orphans No More Podcast, joins me again on the Positive Adoption Podcast to discuss why our kids who have experienced trauma are not excessively thankful. This is one of the topics in the book – Five Things: A Tiny Handbook for Foster/Adoptive Parents. Grab your free copy here. Grab a cup of coffee and join us for a lively discussion! *Note Trauma-Informed Parenting is not live yet! Thewholehouse.org is still active and full of resources/articles just for you!

Sandra Flach, of the Orphans No More Podcast, joins me again this week as we discuss another point in the book- Five Things: A Tiny Handbook for Foster/Adoptive Families. Grab your free copy here. We adoptive parents have to parent differently than traditional parents. We may seem to the outsider over strict or overprotective. In a traditional family, parents raising children who have not come from hard places set boundaries and give natural consequences. This is good. Adoptive parents must work harder on these boundaries and helping the child to attach to them. It may make them seem overprotective or strict. They’re not. They are working on attachment skills. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen and Sandra as they talk through some science and experience. *Trauma-Informed Parenting is not live yet, so be sure to grab your copy of Five Things here - http://bit.ly/3beAl2T

Join me and my special guest, Sandra Flach, of Orphans No More Podcast as we talk through the book FIVE THINGS: A TINY HANDBOOK FOR ADOPTIVE/FOSTER FAMILIES. You can get a copy for free! If you are an adoptive parent, this is for you.
If you are a friend of an adoptive parent, this is for you.
If you are thinking about adopting/fostering, this is for you.
If you want to know how to support adoptive/foster families, this is for you. Today we talk about the first point in the book - Adoption is positive, but it takes effort. Just a note - Trauma-Informed Parenting is not live yet, but you can still your copy here -http://bit.ly/3beAl2T or fill out the contact form on thewholehouse.org! Grab a copy of the book and a cup of coffee and join Sandra and me for this series!

WHAT ARE YOUR STRENGTHS? We don’t often talk about our strengths. We usually speak only of our weaknesses. We pray about our weaknesses, rehash them with our inner critic, and complain about them to our friends. But what about our strengths? I dare you to start a conversation with a friend today and say, “I think my biggest strength is…” and see where it goes. So grab a cup of coffee and let's talk about our parenting strengths!

WHEN OUR INNER-CRITIC BOSSES US AROUND Some of us have an inner-critic. It harasses us all day long with thoughts such as – It’s your fault your kids act the way they do. If you would only (fill in the blank) then your kids would behave. If you were a better parent, everything would be better. If you weren’t parenting from your past, your kids wouldn’t struggle. You’ll never be a great parent. If this is you, I get it. I have an inner critic and it tried to boss me around. The Bible says we are supposed to take every thought captive. When my inner-critic is sending out thoughts, I need a giant lasso to grab them all. It’s not one thought. It’s a barrage of them. So, how do we handle it? And here’s a note, if you think when your kids are grown, the inner-critic quiets down, think again. There are plenty of “If you had only…” thoughts. Grab a coffee and join me as I share two approaches to combat the inner-critic and how to combat Mom-Guilt!

Last week on the podcast, I asked – Do you think having obedient kids makes you a good parent? We must let go of the myth that perfect parents exist. GOD’S FIRST CHILDREN DISOBEYED HIM Does that make you feel better? It did me. When I first realized that God, the Father Himself, who is perfect, had disobedient kiddos, I breathed a sigh of relief. You can read the rest of the post and listen to the podcast here. This week, I moved on to the next step – HAVE A RECONCILIATION PLAN IN PLACE Grab a cup of coffee and join me!

WHAT IS A GOOD PARENT? Am I a good parent? How do I measure my parenting? Is it by how well my kids behave? Whether they have the same opinions I do? Succeed academically? Obey me? Are clean, put together, and cute? Don’t talk back? This list could go on for days, literally. This is something I’ve been thinking about since a friend’s post about what she used to think good parenting entailed, spurred my brain into action. For the next six weeks, I’ll be talking about “What is a Good Parent?” on the Positive Adoption Podcast and picking apart some of these questions on my lives (Tuesday on Facebook), and in article form. If you would, take a few minutes and take the survey, I’d love to hear what you think! Also, feel free to leave a comment- What do you think defines good parenting? Read more -https://bit.ly/2JIlz8K Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen as she begins the conversation with the question - Does having obedient kids make you a good parent? The survey linked below- https://forms.gle/zgAJR3q21T4FhW4A9

Are you feeling pressure to be grateful this season? Are your kids regressing? Feeling Stressed? Then this is for you. Join Kathleen as she shares three tips for thriving this season - including - create memories to be grateful for! Grab a cup of coffee and get ready to hear more!

Are you thinking of becoming a foster parent? Is fear stopping you? Do you think foster care is too hard to step into? Then this is for you (even if you are already fostering). Kathleen interviews Rachel Eubank, a foster parent who blogs at Normalizing Foster Care. Rachel shares her family's connection to foster care, her story, and some great tips. Grab a cup of coffee and join these lovely ladies!

Is your child stuck in survival mode? In this last in the series on the brain and fear, Kathleen delves into the difference between the upstairs and downstairs brain. She also offers some practical suggestions to implement. Grab a cup of coffee and join her and don’t forget to pick up your copy of How to Have Peace When Your Kids are in Chaos -https://amzn.to/35hsay3

Do you ever feel as if you are not enough? That you can’t parent your child? As if you're going to mess it all up? You aren’t alone. Many parents feel this way. We get stuck in the scarcity mentality. We believe the “bad report.” And just as our children who are stuck in survival mode, we get stuck there too. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen as she shares about this topic and some encouragement for parents!

Is your child stuck in survival mode? Is he hypervigilant and unable to feel safe? Maybe his fear response is stuck on the on position. If so, you’ll want to listen to this week’s episode. Last week we covered a bit about the fear response and how the brain works. This week, I touch on how the brain wires itself into a fear response. Kids who have experienced trauma have triggers. With patience and persistence we can help our kiddos figure out what theirs are and work on rewiring them into more healthy patterns. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen for some productive talk on fear!

“Imagine a constant flow of cortisol and adrenaline — as if you spend every second of every day being chased by a bear with its claws bared and its teeth dripping with blood. You might be jumpy, flighty, overreative, and unable to sleep, feeling neither hungry nor thirsty, unable to read any of your body’s signals.” If your child is stuck in survival mode, he may feel like the description above (from How to Have Peace When Your Kids are in Chaos). Maybe you are stuck in a fear cycle yourself. If any of this applies to you or your children, grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen for part one of “The Brain and Fear.” *Here are the links to the books discussed -http://kathleenguire.com/ and https://amzn.to/33hXInY

Are you raising a child who has experienced trauma? Or has a capital letter syndrome? Are you checking the "What Your Child Should Know" lists often? Do you feel as if your child is falling behind and don't know how to handle it? Then this is for you. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen as she shares some of her experiences and some tips!

Are some chores wearing you out emotionally and physically? Is it difficult to make even little decisions? Are you feeling too stressed to function some days? Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen as she shares some tips for adults and kids alike and learning how to navigate decision fatigue and overwhelm during this season.

Do you ever feel as if you are doing everything wrong? Do you wonder if your kids are ever going to “get it?” Do you settle down and enjoy a particular part of the day? In this week’s episode, Kathleen and Lori answer these questions- 1. When did you realize you were doing some things right in your homeschooling journey? 2. Share about a time when one of your kids got a concept and how he/she and you felt. 3. Share your favorite time of day and why. Grab a cup of coffee and join them!

We’re so enjoying Homeschooling 101. Today the ladies answer these questions: 1. When things get rough, how do you handle it? 2. When do you take a short break/long break? 3. How has homeschooling affected your spiritual journey? Grab a cup of coffee and join us!

Kathleen, Audrey, and Lori continue the homeschooling series this week with answering some questions from the group polls. Here are this week's questions based on some of the comments. 1. Do you do art/crafts or any other extra subjects? What do you do? 2. How do you encourage a kid who is struggling with a. reading b. math. 3.Should you push a preschooler to learn? Or any age for that matter? Grab a cup of coffee and join us!

Kathleen, Lori, Audrey, and Amerey continue the Homeschooling 101 Series. We’ve been so encouraged by the Moms in this group! So amazing! We answer these questions for the podcast this week: 1. How do you manage/organize your day? If you have a child who has a capital letter syndrome, what is it, and how does that change how your schooling? What's been your biggest "aha" moment in homeschooling? Grab a cup of coffee and join us!

Are you thinking about homeschooling your kiddos this school year? Or maybe you just need some encouragement in the middle of your homeschooling journey. We’ve got you covered. Join our group of experienced homeschool Moms for Homeschool 101 on the Positive Adoption Podcast. There’s a lot of apprehension in the world today and more when you consider embarking on a new journey that’s totally outside your comfort zone. We get it. It’s a big decision and a lot to consider. Once you decide , it’s only the beginning.  Hopefully, we four women baring our souls and sharing our experiences will help you along the way. Grab a cup of coffee and join us!

Last week Kathleen shared part 2 of the topic- What do we believe about our kiddos? This week she continues the series. She picks up in the middle of the conversation - What are we teaching our kids by what we say to them or our actions? This week she adds some simple scripts you can use for reframing your beliefs. Grab a cup of coffee and join this recovering codependent Mom.

Last week Kathleen started the topic- What do we believe about our kiddos? This week she continues the series. She picks up in the middle of the conversation - What is one thing said to you as a child that you have carried into adulthood? What are we teaching our kids by what we say to them or our actions? Kiddos who have experienced trauma already come with their own set of beliefs. Neglect says, “You don’t exist.” Abuse says, “You don’t matter.” How are we helping them reframe their beliefs? How are we reframing our beliefs about them? Grab a cup of coffee and join this recovering codependent Mom.

Think back to your childhood- What’s one thing you heard about yourself? What’s one thing that was said to you? What’s one implied belief, practice, or statement? Now think about right now- Which ones of those are you still living out? What about our kiddos? What are we telling them verbally or by our actions about them that will follow them into adulthood? What do we believe about them on a daily basis? Remember, we are mirrors for our children. They see themselves through our eyes. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen, a recovering codependent Mom, as she introduces the topic - What do you believe about your kiddos?

There is a lot going on in the world and we can begin to wonder what can we do? What should we repent of today? What is the current social cause we should care about? For the last two weeks, Kathleen has been talking about summer reading for teens and then kiddos. This week it is Mom’s turn. We can pendulum swing from trying to carry it all to isolating and shutting ourselves off. What does this have to do with reading? Let’s get back to the basics, repenting of our personal sin, reading the Bible, and try the two other book suggestions -You Who and Eve in Exile. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen for some encouragement and God-confidence in this crazy time.

Summer is a great time to read. It’s time for porch swings, tents in the backyard, sitting on the back deck, and impromptu tea parties. Afternoons are made for reading! Last week Kathleen shared a few summer reading recommendations for teens. This week she shares some for kiddos. Grab a cup of coffee and join her!

Reading a book or two for the summer may seem passe. With social media feeding your teen all sorts of information- tear down the monuments, March, wear a mask, don’t wear one, It’s important to have some conversations. Often those snippets we see hear/read/ are not great springboards because they start with an argument. We don’t want to argue all summer with our teens. We can start with someone else’s story. Reading someone else’s story opens up the place to start a conversation. You can ask the questions such as- why do you think he did this? What was going on at the time that would have hindered him. Why do you think he made the right/wrong decision. We can put ourselves in someone else’ shoes. We can learn from joining the great conversation. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen as she shares two books - one a historical fiction and the other a future dystopian. Here’s the link to the “Instead Of” Tips Course.

Is your teen struggling with regulation? Is he/she able to sort about his/her feelings on the current circumstances? If you said, yes, this is for you! The thought of giving some teens a blank journal and asking them to write their feelings, may leave you shaking your head and thinking, this lady doesn’t know MY teen. I get it. Some teens don’t like to write or talk about their feelings. But before you check out of this episode, hang on, at least listen to my suggestions and try them. Grab a cup of coffee and a journal an join Kathleen!

How are your kids coping during this difficult time? They may be feeling ambiguous loss and chronic stress. This can trigger cortisol levels and cause anxiety and suppress the immune system. We adults need some coping mechanisms during this difficult time and so do our kiddos. Journaling is a healthy way to process. So why not teach our kids. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen as she shares three tips on how to teach kids to cope through journaling.

It’s difficult to articulate what’s going on in the world as an adult. Imagine how difficult it is for kids. As tensions rise in our nation, it’s difficult to sort generalizations from truth. Our kids need the tools to cope just as much as we do, especially if they have experienced trauma. Grab a cup of coffee and join me as I ramble through some thoughts and points on helping your kids cope.

Right now we are living in a season when the simplest tasks can seem overwhelming. Going to the grocery stores isn’t the chore it used to be. Now it’s full of even more stress and tension. We don’t know if someone will bump into us, yell at us, or if we are crossing the aisle at the wrong time. As much as we tell ourselves, I will not let this bother me (raising my hand here), it does. It’s a palatable feeling in the air. The anxiety settles down on all of us collectively. As much as we feel it, our kiddos do too. Our kiddos mirror us. If we feel stressed, they feel stressed. If we feel overwhelmed, they feel overwhelmed. If we feel anxious, our anxiety adds to their stress shaped brain and squeezes. This is true for any kiddo, even more so for kiddos from hard places and who has a capital letter syndrome. If we are feeling anxious and our kids are too, how do we stop the anxiety from growing? Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen as she shares four tips to stunt the growth of anxiety.

Is your child stuck in one of the mistaken goals? Does he/she seek: Constant attention? Total Control? Retaliation/Revenge? Or is he/she giving up? Wrapping up the series on mistaken goals, Kathleen shares an analogy to help us better understand our kiddos! Grab a cup of coffee and join her!

Does your child give up easily on everything? Does he/she act on the belief “I can’t” all the time? This this is for you! As foster and adoptive parents, we see the repercussions of abuse and neglect. We see a child’s mistaken beliefs about themselves — like “you don’t matter” or “you don’t exist” — being lived out on a daily basis. If you didn’t believe you deserve to exist, would you be able to conquer fractions? Would you have the gumption to conquer anything? So what can you do? Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen as she shares some tips and stories!

Does your kiddo seem to be stuck in pattern of revenge? Does he/she seem bent on retaliation? Does he/she blame everyone, especially you, for EVERYTHING? Then this is for you! Kids from hard places can displace anger from their past into their present. When they blame their foster or adoptive mom for what their bio mom did, it is usually a subconscious behavior. Over time, it becomes a rut that gets deeper and deeper until retaliation becomes the norm. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen as she shares some tips on how to realign the mistaken goal of retaliation and revenge.

Does your kiddo try to control everything? Does he/she seem to manipulate every event? Even celebratory ones? Like birthday parties? Picnics? Then this is for you! When a child has had no control over his life and no guarantee that he will be cared for, he will try to exercise control in any war he can. Even as an adult, I often fall into the trap of trying to control my circumstances, so it’s not surprising that kiddos from hard places do the same. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen as she shares some tips on how to realign the mistaken goal of total control!

Do you feel as if your kiddo needs your attention constantly? You can address their goal of constant attention by setting aside a specific time to do whatever your child desires: playing LEGOs, painting, going outside, etc. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen as she shares some tips about feeling your kiddo’s emotional tank and leave this mistaken goal behind for a few minutes!

Does your kiddo seem to have behaviors that don't make sense? Does he/she leave you scratching your head when it comes to beliefs or goals? Maybe your kiddo has mistaken goals. When parenting a hurt child, we must consider the child’s mistaken goals and direct the child to new goals. (The four beliefs/goals below are adapted from Dreikurs’ Mistaken Goals, as covered in Children: The Challenge.) Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen for this intro to mistaken beliefs and goals!

Kathleen finishes up her series on "Instead Of" Tips with -Instead of Taking It Personally, Remember There Is a Need Behind the Behavior
When we look at behaviors as needs, we are less likely to take them personally. For instance, when we remind ourselves that the child can’t regulate — not won’t regulate — we can set our personal feelings aside. When we set our personal feelings aside, we can take the reins and parent. It’s not us against them; we’re all on the same team.
So before taking a behavior personally, ask yourself what the child needs. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen for this last tip!

Marcy Holder, a spiritually-focused personal coach, joins Kathleen for a special edition of the podcast. Marcy shares how she was tempted to isolate and not show up for her own life for a season. Through her daily writings and coaching, she encourages women to show up and know we are seen! God says He sees you. Grab a cup of coffee and join these ladies for a great conversation and check out Marcy’s coaching special - https://bit.ly/2JIoFXm!

When parenting a child from a hard place — i.e. one who has had trauma — it’s easy to get into a pattern of only noticing “bad” behaviors. Because the child already believes he is worthless or of little value, harping on the negative only solidifies his belief. Do you struggle with only noticing bad behaviors? Are you stuck in the "fix it" cycle? Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen as she shares some tips and stories!

Our circumstances aren’t perfect. We don’t have complete control. How do we handle things when things feel out of control? Kathleen walks through Isaiah 30: 18 and breaks the scripture down. God is waiting for us to expect Him to show up. This timely episode isn’t just relevant today, it’s true of any time. Grab a cup of coffee and join her as she shares some personal experience and some points to help all of us in imperfect circumstances.